Goonstation, popped in mid-game on Destiny.
From what I understand, we had 6 players. Me (Quartermaster), a geneticist, a chemist, a clown, a doctor, and AI.
Everyone started doing their own thing; with no requests or things to sell, I broke into the mining section to make some cash as there was no Head to change IDs.
As I came back to cargo, there was an explosion in the cargo bay's wall. There, an "unhinged scientist" had come through the blast door saying things like "Save me...". A call had come in about a scientist missing; thinking this was him, I dragged him over to medbay for treatment. He was already in a straight-jacket with no visible wounds, a health analysis turned up nothing, and with no access to health analyzer upgrades; I stuffed him in a sleeper pod and left him for the doctor.
I mined some more, and suddenly EXPLOSION. I ran back to medbay (thank you admin for reminding me, and yes I am horrendously dense). Medbay was essentially destroyed, a whole bunch of martian rock turned up in its place, and the scientist which I had left there was now hostile, and ON FIRE.
He chased me down the hallway, throwing scalpels at me, severely injuring me. I managed to escape by crawling back to the cargo bay. I waited until I stabilized, and then crawled through maintenance to get away. Along the way, I slipped on some oil, and accidentally clicked on an artifact while trying to get my stuff. It "unsheathed an extensive array of weapons" and started glowing, so I booked it out of there.
AI let me through hydroponics and back into the main hall. The scientist was locked in the lower hallway, and I met up with our doctor and geneticist (on a stretcher). When the doctor ran off to grab some recovery items, our chemist came in and forcefed the geneticist a "Fucksyouup pill"; somehow this magically healed her at the cost of slurring her speech. The doctor then fixed me up.
The geneticist ran off to fix her speech, the chemist ran back to her lab, the doctor went back to formulate more medicines, leaving me to ponder what to do next. There was an artifact that appeared along with the scientist, but I was incredibly reluctant to use it; seeing as my previous interaction with an artifact was not very inspiring.
While I was pondering, I remembered the artifact I ran into in maintenance; and ran back to it. Along the way, the clown tried to fight the scientist and was promptly asploded, triggering the escape shuttle. As I dragged the artifact back, I was stuck behind the hydroponics door, the AI had to do some diagnostics (i.e. bathroom I suppose). When he/she got back, the chemist had lured the scientist into the common rooms, where she then triggered a full beaker of plasma, destroying most of the commons and blowing the scientist into a small room; where the AI bolted it shut. The scientist then took the chemist's russian revolver and shot itself in the head. It survived.
I dragged the artifact in front of the door, triggered it, then got the AI to open the door. The artifact started shooting quark bolts at the scientist. I didn't stick around and ran to the escape shuttle and several things happened.
1. The doctor somehow got the security room open.
2. The geneticist had dragged all the birds in the topiary into the shuttle.
3. A bunch of naked npcs magically appeared in the shuttle and promptly started beating each other to death.
We locked ourselves (and the birds) in the security room and I welded the door shut just as the shuttle left. However, just before the end of the trip, an explosion appeared and the scientist teleported into the shuttle. We were safe, as we were in a welded room; but as soon as we arrived, the scientist turned into a massive black hole and tore the door off its hinges.
The doctor got sucked in and died, the geneticist died trying to save the birds, and the birds and npcs all got sucked in.. The blackhole disappeared and I was the only one left standing. managing to survive by clinging to the wall.
My favorite discourses was with the AI (the others didn't seem to talk much).
As I was escaping through maintenance.
AI: The scientist appears to be burning, yet is no worse for it.
Me: Extrapolate possible countermeasures.
AI: You can escape through botany, into the northern hallway.
Me: Hydroponics, perhaps we can smoke it to death.
After being healed and pondering the scientist's artifact.
Me: Doctor, do you have anything for "Severe reluctance to handle unknown, possibly lethal, alien device"?
Chemist: I have another pill!
Me: I'll... pass thanks...
On clown death and fetching artifact.
AI: Mr. Muffles attempted to kill the scientist and has spontaneously combusted.
Me: Well, that's one possibility down. One zillion more to go.
Me: Computer, artifact, when touched, reveals perturbing amounts of weaponry. Extrapolate possibility of automatically acquiring nearby targets.
AI: Highly likely.
AI: Although, there exists a possibility that it reveals those weapons to be used by others.
AI: Possibility of either is estimated to be 70/30.
Me: So 70/30 chance of killing super scientist or giving super scientist alien super weapons?
AI: Correct.
Me: I'll take those odds.
On chemist death.
AI: (Chemist name) has destroyed a large portion of the common area with fire.
Me: Elaborate.
AI: (Chemist) lit a beaker full of plasma, before throwing it at the scientist, setting herself, the scientist, and the surrounding area on fire.
Me: She tried to set... an already burning scientist... on fire...
AI: That appears to be the case.
AI: The scientist then picked up (Chemist)'s russian revolver, and shot himself in the head.
AI: He then stood back up.
Me: So he's already de-Oh.
Me: Alright then, first open this door. Then, extrapolate possible swear-words to describe our current situation.
AI: The ship is fucked.
Me: Couldn't have put it better myself.
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Topic: How did you last *own*? (Read 1292540 times)