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Author Topic: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge  (Read 8012 times)

Elu

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Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« on: May 08, 2011, 07:24:15 pm »

so, how your dorfs, and you, explain the daily oddities of a fortress?
what are the common beliefs, either at fortress and human level?

as for me i've read somewhere that dorfs smooth stone with their beard, which is quite dwarfy, but i can't figure how they manage to engrave or carve the fortification out the walls

oh, and how about the physiological needs? i've never saw a toilet, but man, anyone know that any dwarf worth his/her beard drink something near his volume in booze everyday
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Necro910

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2011, 07:28:34 pm »

so, how your dorfs, and you, explain the daily oddities of a fortress?
what are the common beliefs, either at fortress and human level?

as for me i've read somewhere that dorfs smooth stone with their beard, which is quite dwarfy, but i can't figure how they manage to engrave or carve the fortification out the walls

oh, and how about the physiological needs? i've never saw a toilet, but man, anyone know that any dwarf worth his/her beard drink something near his volume in booze everyday
Dwarves' beards are a living entity, and can move independently of the main booze containment unit.

Dwarves use their booze to repurpose food molecules. That's why they get miserable when they lack booze. They can't shit.

Girlinhat

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2011, 07:33:04 pm »

Toilets are abstracted out, Toady has flat out said "yeah, we're lacking those, but that's just not worth dealing with".  Engraving is like smoothing, just much finer.  Imagine cutting planks and carving an image.  Both use sharp instruments, just differently.  A dwarven beard is an amazing tool!

Crazy Cow

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2011, 07:33:46 pm »

It is common knowledge that elves become trees when they grow up.
Also, ever seen a dwarf using such tools as prongs or a hammer when forging? They use their teeth and faces instead. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=36256.msg2161120#msg2161120)
As for refuse, it simply evaporates into nothingness or gets puked up when dwarves go outside.

Darkmere

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2011, 07:37:15 pm »

There are no dwarven fishing poles. The standard practice would be to obsidian cast the entire ocean and carve out the fish-shaped parts later, but in a pinch dwarves actually fish by straining water through their beards. Carp clearly latch onto the fishing beard and drag the dwarves underwater that way.
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And then, they will be weaponized. Like everything in this game, from kittens to babies, everything is a potential device of murder.
So if baseless speculation is all we have, we might as well treat it like fact.

Sarda

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2011, 08:59:41 pm »

Beards are dwarf DNA and are the actual intelligence of the dwarf.
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Necro910

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2011, 09:14:16 pm »

Beards are dwarf DNA and are the actual intelligence of the dwarf.
Oh the irony.

IT 000

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2011, 09:30:25 pm »

Also, ever seen a dwarf using such tools as prongs or a hammer when forging? They use their teeth and faces instead. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=36256.msg2161120#msg2161120)

This is probably the funniest thing I have seen on the boards...
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Necro910

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2011, 09:45:53 pm »

Also, ever seen a dwarf using such tools as prongs or a hammer when forging? They use their teeth and faces instead. (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=36256.msg2161120#msg2161120)

This is probably the funniest thing I have seen on the boards...
Agreed.

SirAaronIII

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #9 on: May 09, 2011, 12:12:31 am »

If the beards are the standard work tool, then how do females (in the purest vanilla) do work? You have to add a couple brackets to make females have beards...
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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #10 on: May 09, 2011, 04:44:16 am »

If the beards are the standard work tool, then how do females (in the purest vanilla) do work? You have to add a couple brackets to make females have beards...
They use their hair, silly you!
And those with shaved hair... err... don't ask me.
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I don't mean to alarm you, but it appears that your Dwarves are all in fact elephants.

fivex

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2011, 04:47:36 am »

If the beards are the standard work tool, then how do females (in the purest vanilla) do work? You have to add a couple brackets to make females have beards...
Obviously, in embarrassment of not having a beard, they attach their hair to their faces, resulting in a "beard" that is attached to the dwarf's head. Said "beard" also can be used as a normal work tool, like a male dwarf's beard.
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hjd_uk

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #12 on: May 09, 2011, 06:45:45 am »

A Dwarf doesn't need chisels or sandpaper, they just use their rock-hard fingers and calloused palms.
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Shook

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2011, 01:05:13 pm »

@IT 900 and Necro: Thanks! I quite enjoyed drawing scribbling it as well. I was snickering like hell while drawing the third dorf panel in particular. Call me mad if you want, but remember that you people can talk about weaponizing babies and laugh at the same time. :P

Also, new theory on how dorfs build walls (and possibly other things).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They simply gaze at it with that thoughtless smile until it autonomously assembles itself. Even females wear that face all the time, so surely they can do it as well. Different kinds of thoughtless smiles would be required for different jobs, hence the still-remaining professions. Carpenterface, masonface, metalsmithface... You name it, the dorfs have someone who can do it! If the gaze itself fails, they just revert to smashing their chiseled visage into the resistant object, until satisfactory results are achieved.
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Necro910

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Re: Common Dwarf(y) knowledge
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2011, 01:35:00 pm »

@IT 900 and Necro: Thanks! I quite enjoyed drawing scribbling it as well. I was snickering like hell while drawing the third dorf panel in particular. Call me mad if you want, but remember that you people can talk about weaponizing babies and laugh at the same time. :P

Also, new theory on how dorfs build walls (and possibly other things).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They simply gaze at it with that thoughtless smile until it autonomously assembles itself. Even females wear that face all the time, so surely they can do it as well. Different kinds of thoughtless smiles would be required for different jobs, hence the still-remaining professions. Carpenterface, masonface, metalsmithface... You name it, the dorfs have someone who can do it! If the gaze itself fails, they just revert to smashing their chiseled visage into the resistant object, until satisfactory results are achieved.
To summarize:
They do an epic face. If that fails, the beat said object to death with their beard.
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