Would it be too much to ask that the autodump be written in as some supernatural force? Like the savescum in Syrupleaf?
Well, I'm not really good at RPing stuff like this, but personally, I'm just blaming the mass disappearance of items on the ghosts. They're known thieves and I've only managed to put down 5 of them so far.
Also, FORWARD THE CARP MARINES! SEMPER EBRIOS!
Well, most of them were dead before my turn started, 2 more died on bizarre suicide trips into marksgoblin forces to celan themselves in the river or reload a trap that I expressly forbade access to, one died in bed, I think, and I'm just sort of ignoring the rest, since my goal is to clean up the fort, not kill things.
So far, I've decommissioned at least 8 garbage sites, built an atom smasher in an adamantine vein near the main base, smashed 22,504 items so far, incinerated upwards of 100 animals by flooding AnimaRytak II's tomb with magma (Sorry about that, BTW, the sarcophagus is still intact, but someone was already using it to store animals, so I just shoved as many more as I could into it, and dug to the volcano. No dwarf deaths). I've begun walling off the empty sections of the fort, but it's slow going. I'm also still decommissioning random and useless stockpiles all over the fort.
Also, while looking up what I've done so far, who's bright idea was it to hide about 10,000 corpses from view? My autodump doesn't dump hidden things.
Also also, what lever do I pull to open the front gate? I've cleaned off the bridge, the traps should work again, and weapon traps deal with enemies much better than cage traps.