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[MasterMorality]

So I was just letting my mind do it's thing today while I try to decide on some stuff for my uni-work. Aaaanyway, it randomly jumped onto the idea of the great flood and how the rational for that was to punish mankind for using their brains etc etc.

The bible was wrong, guys.

God just mined through an above ground aquifer! By the time he managed to stop the flow most of the world was underwater.

I can't believe we didn't see this before.

What else could the various mythologies and belief systems of the world have gotten wrong?
We need to fix these errors!

Edited: Attempting to expand the subject matter beyond the three major religions.

[LordBucket]

I suppose the Tower of Babel was just another megaproject with a built-in self destruct lever.

[Ultimuh]

Massive syndrome outbreaks in Egypt, with all those plagues going on.

[Niccolo]

Not quite a holy text... but at least we now know why Hannibal decided on elephants to sack Rome; those things are badass.

[Dakk]

Crusader! Protect the hoard!

The Crusader has made off with an artifact!

Saladin, King, cancels drink: Throwing a tantrum.

Alternatively:

Ponce Pilate, governor, cancels absolve: washing hands.

Jesus, prophet, has bled to death.

God, god, cancels miracle: throwing a tantrum.

[MonkeyHead]

The Virgin, Mary, has given birth to a baby boy.

Or

Moses cancels Pasture animal: Interrupted by !!bush!!

[Angel Of Death]

Jesus, human messiah, has bled to death.

[Endiqua]

Y'all are going to hell, you know that.

(and so am I for laughing my ass off at these.  I can't decide which is my favorite, "interrupted by !!bush!!" or "the crusader has made off with an artifact!")

[Nasikabatrachus]

According to the Bible, when the prophet Elisha was on the road to Bethel he was mocked by some youths for his baldness, and so put a curse on them. Consequently god sent two she-bears from the woods to attack them, and they successfully mauled 42 of them (2 kings 2:23-25). But clearly the Bible has it wrong--even cyclopes can't deal with 21 wrestlers attacking them, so how could two bears do so much?

This needs arena testing.

Also the story of Samson slaying a bunch of people with the jawbone of an Ass seems fabricated, because everyone knows bone weapons suck. Are there jawbones in DF?

[Ultimuh]

According to the Bible, when the prophet Elisha was on the road to Bethel he was mocked by some youths for his baldness, and so put a curse on them. Consequently god sent two she-bears from the woods to attack them, and they successfully mauled 42 of them (2 kings 2:23-25). But clearly the Bible has it wrong--even cyclopes can't deal with 21 wrestlers attacking them, so how could two bears do so much?

This needs arena testing.

They could be skeletal bears.
With admantine bones.

Also.. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MamaBear

[Angel Of Death]

Christians cancel action, haul: Interrupted by lions
The lions bite the Christians in the head and the severed part sails off in an arc!
Christians have been struck down

[Urist Imiknorris]

Jesus, prophet, has bled to death.

God, god, cancels miracle: throwing a tantrum.

"Well, looks like I have to open up Runesmith and fix all this blasphemy."

[Rex_Nex]

The human Oded Golan has created The James Ossuary, a fake limestone casket!

[Dakk]

Jewish slave cancels flee: Could not find path. x999

Moses has entered a martial trance!

Moses strikes the sea in the left lower water, breaking stream!
The sea loses hold of the <fish> x99999
A flow has been severed!

A vile force of Egypt has arrived!

Thutmoses I cancels kill: Dangerous terrain.

The egyptian soldier has drowned. x1000

[GreatWyrmGold]

Behemoth has arrived! An enormous quadruped with a tail like a cedar. Its species is unknown. Beware my inability to think of anything better!