PART XIII: Exposition Fairy
Again, *'s indicate actual game text.
As I approach Castelia City Gym, Cheren walks out.
Ho there, Monk!
Ho, Cheren! Just challenged Burgh, I take it?
And won, easily. Bug types aren't much of a challenge for me.*
Says the Grass-type user.
I'm going to beat all the Unovan Gym Leaders like this, and then I'll truly feel alive!*
What, you don't feel alive now?
Does a machine feel alive? That's all we are- cogs in a machine, a machine run by the Champion, endlessly churning for his amusement. I want to control my own destiny, Monk.
A bit melodramatic, don't you think?
This Gym does that to you. I'll see you around.
What an odd thing to say. Well, guess it's time to head insid-
Hey, Monk! Come to challenge for the Badge, eh? It'll have to wait- I just heard Team Plasma arrived at Prime Pier! TO THE BUG-MOBILE!
Er, can't we walk?
To be fair, he doesn't get much occasion to drive it
Come on! This way! Team Plasma... They took this young lady's Pokémon.*
It was terrible! They took my poor Munna!
Wait, you have a Munna? That supposedly super rare Pokemon that (apparently) any given Nurse has? Source of Dream Mist, all that jazz?
That's the one! Not that hard to catch, really.
This is stupid. Why would anyone
go to so much trouble to steal one sorta-uncommon Pokemon when they could just go catch their own?
Numbers 3-6 of the Seven Sages
I heard her screaming, and I came as fast as I could!
That's what she-
Mew's whiskers, Burgh, she's like eight!
Hey, I'm ten!
Don't care! Who the hell are you, anyway?
I'm Iris, a trainer like you. Better than you, if your Gym matches are any indication.
Hey, that last one went alright.
Only because you doped that Oshawott up and got lucky- any trained eye could see it.
Don't worry young lady, we'll get that Munna back. This will be tough, though- finding a particular person in a city this big is like finding a needle in a haystack.*
Oh wait, there it is
What? I spy a Gym Leader!?*
You! You were in Pinwheel Forest!
Yikes! I'd better get out of here!
After him, Monk! Iris, you stay here and guard this young lady!
I have a name, you know.
No time for that now! Duke Burgh, away! Woosh!
Don't worry, Bianca, I'll be your bodyguard.
With that, we take to the
streets of Castelia City. Since I've already combed through the city once, I know there was only one building that was completely empty. Sure enough, on Gym Street we find a group of Plasma Grunts- in uniform, no less- across from the Gym itself.
Nobody is here! Not a soul! No other Plasma members, nor any of the Seven Sages, are inside!*
Word of advice; if you're going to devote yourself to a life of villainy, you should really
invest in a few ranks of Bluff.
Hey, you wanna fight? Because that's what you're going to get if you don't scram!
I'll take these two, Monk- you take the third.
You know what to do, Heinrich. *AIR CUTTER* *AIR CUTTER*
No! This is bad! badbadbadbadbadbadbad! Bad for Team Plasma! Or Plasbad, for short!*
If your failure is so frequent you need a nickname to refer to it, you should probably rethink your life choices.
It's in my best interest to report to the Seven Sages right now!*
You mean it is in your best Plasinterest to Plasreport to the Seven Plas-Sages right now!
What, gonna go cry to your PlasDad?
Seriously guys! Cut it out!
Hey Burgh, what does a group Plasma Grunts say?
"Plasbaaaaaa." Get it, because Team Plasma is a bunch of sheep?
That's a bit of a stretch, Monk.
I'm going inside now.
Wait, I'm not finished being funny yet!
You have to start to finish, Monk.
Hey, get off my case. I'm not gonna take that from a guy who wears green and pink.
It's camouflage! Pinwheel Forest is very colorful!
It's an eyesore, is what it is.
Like you're one to talk, Mister "I Can't Ever Let Go of my Hat!"
It's windy! Besides, it makes me look dashing.
Did you find my Pokemon?
My Munna? Team Plasma took it? Funny looking blokes, shout a lot, maybe you've seen them?
Oh right. Uh, in here maybe?
Come on, let's get this over with- I was in the middle of such a nice painting, and I'd really like to get back to it.
Plasma's hideout looks the same as any other building in this city, inside and out. Of course, this is the only building in the city with such a high concentration of stupid outfits and poorly thought-out goals.
Oh look, we have guests.
Great, it's Ghetsis, the exposition fairy.
I thought it would be amusing to build a hideout right in front of the Pokemon Gym, but we were detected more quickly than I imagined.*
Yeah, I can't imagine how we found the building full of uniformed thugs on one of the busiest streets in the city so quickly.
No matter- we already have an exceptional base of operations. Is everyone familiar with the founding legend of Unova?
I am! It's the black dragon-type Pokemon, right?
The truth is this... The black dragon appeared before a hero who sought the ideal way to knit together a world full of warring people. This black Dragon-type Pokemon shared its knowledge-and bared its fangs at those who stood against it. Together, the power of this Pokemon and the hero brought unity to the hearts of everyone in the land, and that is how Unova was created.*
I don't see how this is at all relevant to the issue at hand.
We shall bring back the hero and that Pokemon to Unova once again! If we can win people's hearts and minds, we can easily create the world that I- I mean, Team Plasma- desires!*
Alright, enough of that chatter, I've got things to do today. Are you going to return this young lady-
Bianca. My name is Bianca.
-this young lady's Pokemon peacefully, or do we battle here and now?
Very well, we shall submit to you this once. Minions! Return her Pokemon!
Oh. Well, alright, get out of here.
The friendship between Pokemon and people can be very touching. But, in order to liberate Pokemon from foolish people, we will revive the legend of Unova--and win the hearts and minds of everyone. Farewell.*
Wait, really? We're just letting them go?
Eh- I've already had a couple battles today, and my muse is singing to me. I need to get back to my studio and do some serious painting.
You are not very good at your job.
But I am rather amazing at my hobby! What are you all going to do?
I dunno- I'm new to the city, and it's a bit bewildering.
I need to train more so I can defend my Pokemon and myself.
Hey, why don't you buddy up? Iris is competent, and this young lady seems to know her way around- you'd be a great match!
Actually, I've only been in Castelia a few-
Great idea! Let's go! *yoink*
Oh, to be young again. How much you wanna bet they end up in bed together?
DUDE. EIGHT YEARS OLD.
I thought she said she was ten?
NOT HELPING YOUR CASE.
Well, as much fun as it has been sparring verbally with you, I need to be heading back to the Gym to do some painting. I eagerly anticipate our literal sparring.
Me too, Burgh. Me too.
NEXT TIME: Burgh (fo realz this time)
Suggestions, Comments, Criticism welcome as always.
Nuvema Town- "Marvin", Oshawott
Route 1- XXX
Accumula Town- ??
Route 2- "Pompey", Lillipup 6-12
Striaton City- ??
Dreamyard- "Mojo Jojo", Pansear lvls 10-12
Route 3- Timon, Patrat 8-15
Wellspring Cave- Cletus, Woobat 11-14
Nacrene City- ??
Pinwheel Forest- Heinrich, Pidove