PART XVII: Gotta Catch'm All!
This continent still looks weird to me
As you can see, Nimbasa City is at a fork in my path- to the West lies Route 5, and to the East is Route 16. My plan is to sneak around each route until I find a Pokemon, then get the n00bs up to speed before I start doing some serious grinding in preparation for Nimbasa City Gym. Route 5 is positively lousy with trainers and NPC's, but I manage to sneak around most of them and hit a patch of tall grass.
*Wild Gothita Appeared!*
SWEET MEW KILL IT WITH PINK! *Heal Ball*
Oh god those ribbons are FEELERS!?!
So, um, welcome to the team, Miho
...yeah, so, we've got stuff to do, so if you'd get back in your pokeball...
AUGH STOP STARING AT ME!
Hey! Get out of my pack! Stop futzing with the TM's before you-
*Miho learned Attract
Miho is a psychic type (yay!) with a Timid Nature, but she's Strong-Willed. Her ability: Frisk- the Pokemon can check a foe's held item. She knows Fake Tears
, which lowers opponent Special Defense, and Psybeam
which is a good move, especially in conjunction with Fake Tears.
Gothita is FAR AND AWAY the creepiest Pokemon I've encountered thus far. Let's take it a step at a time, shall we? It's an Elegant Gothic Lolita
Pokemon (which blows Jynx right out of the water in the "creepy anthropomorphic Pokemon" contest, believe you me.) They frisk
their opponents in battle. We know from its learnset that it specializes in faking sorrow and vulnerability before RAPING YOUR MIND. They are always staring at something
, to the point where it is described as the Fixation Pokemon. In short, Gothita is the creepy stalker Pokemon- treat her well and she'll destroy your mind, ignore her and she'll follow you for all eternity.
I carefully extricate myself from Route 5 without fighting anyone else, and head off towards Route 16.
Wow! It's special guest Bruce Lee
! I thought you were dead!
Death is no boundary to the pure of heart!
Gee, Mr. Lee, my Pokemon sure do suck. Especially Urkel.
Surely a world-renowned martial artist such as yourself has some useful advice for our training!
You must clear your mind of whimsy. Learn to sway like the ginkgo flower. Also, take this MACHO BRACE.
Golly! Thanks, Mr. Lee!
You are welcome. Now, I must depart- my planet needs me.
The Macho Brace is a held item that increases the Effort Values a Pokemon receives in combat, at the cost of halving its speed. In other words, it makes them level up with better stats than they would have otherwise had. I give it to Urkel (who has a move that deals more damage if it hits last anyway,) and his Amulet Coin to Miho. With that, I sneak to the grass on Route 16 and before long...
*Wild Trubbish Appeared!*
...is that a walking Garbage Bag?
Nope, it's a broken garbage bag.
, I guess you've filled out the team. So that's something.
Oscar is a pure Poison-type, with a Hasty nature and somewhat stubborn. His Ability: Stench- may cause opponents to flinch. He'll stick around the party for a while, if only because he doesn't have a terrible Defense stat
Gothita is horrifying, but Trubbish is just kinda dumb. Having the poison type Pokemon being the detritus of humanity is nothing new, but whereas in Generation I they were the result of industrial runoff and air pollution, Trubbish is the result of buying shitty garbage bags in suburbia. His stench can put you to sleep for a week, though none of his moves reflect this odd ability. He's twice the height of Gothita, but it's hard to take him seriously since he could be savaged by a wild raccoon. He'll get replaced sooner or later, if only because a better Pokemon will take his place. It can't get much worse than this, right? ...right?
Well, with a full party it's time to go finish up some exploration. Back to the Desert Resort!
"Nicer than the average desert"* my ass!
As you can see, the Desert Resort isn't so much a resort as it is a stormy, sandy hellhole full of vicious wild animals and Pokemon trainers. Which, given the setting, probably qualifies as a resort. In any event, there is much battling, cool stuff lying on the ground, so on and so forth. Bread and butter of the franchise, really. The only item of note is Soft Sand, a held item that boosts Ground type moves- Gustave gets it, for reasons that should be obvious heading into a Lightning Gym.
Interestingly enough, I find another sub-area of the Desert Resort- Relic Castle.
It is said that long ago, these ruins were the home of civilization for people and Pokemon.* They are haunted to this very day!
A haunted castle? Jinkies!
The unique wildlife has also lead to Relic Castle being classified as its own separate game preserve, wholly segregate from the Desert Resort proper.
Wait, this is its own area? And it has Pokemon!?! NICE.
*WILD YAMASK APPEARED!*
Huh. Well, ghosts are cool, I guess.
And I thought Gothita was unsettling. Well, glad to have you aboard, Slim
I have a name, you know.
Merciful Mew, you can talk!
You can hear me!?! Bully!
I don't understand, this makes no sense- Pokemon can't talk!
Didn't you listen to your Pokedex, boy? I used to human, hale and hearty as yourself! Why wouldn't I know how to speak?
I... do you even have
It takes more than that to stop a bull moose!
...who are you?
Haven't you guessed? I'm Theodore friggin' Roosevelt
NO! Not Teddy, T.R! I DETEST
Oscar! Get in the box- this spot is reserved for Teddy! You too, Miho!
[Everybody thinks I'm garbage.]
Teddy, Ghost, Quiet nature, somewhat stubborn. Ability- Mummy- contact with this Pokemon spreads this ability. In essence, his ability is to erase the abilities of other Pokemon, though it IS contagious and therefore prone to backfire. Shit speed and attack, but good defense (better than Oscar, as good as Urkel for all Urkel is 8 levels his senior.) And of course, being a Ghost makes him immune to normal/fighting attacks. His moves aren't exciting, but maybe they will be?
But yeah, Yamask. Apparently, when you die in the Pokemon world, there is at least a CHANCE that you'll come back as a Pokemon so that you can spend your afterlife engaging in death sports for the amusement of twelve year olds. And at night, you can crawl back into your Pokeball, and look at the mask that used to be your face, and remember
. For all eternity
. Gothita is creepy, but Yamask has the ability to inspire existential crises in even the most hardened adventurer.
One more thing- I can't carry both of these fossils out of here by myself! Would you like one?
You're just going to give
me the remains of a creature from before the dawn of history?
What, do you want to fight me first?
Well, too bad- this isn't Mount Moon, you know. Now pick one.
Fine, I guess I'll take the Cover Fossil.
Apart from an Elixer and a few more trainers, there isn't much more that can be done in Relic Castle. The lower levels are blocked off by workers clearing out sand- presumably I'll be able to get through once the plot advances to a certain point. I'll remember to check back in later. For now, it's time to head back to Route 16 and finish up everything there.
Dowsing Machine is picking up something in that grass over there!
*Wild Trubbish Appeared!*
Go, Gustave! Get some levels under your belt- I want you evolved when we take on the Gym!
Wh- Miho? Why aren't you in the Box? ...WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH GUSTAVE!?!
***MEANWHILE, IN LOSTLORN FOREST***
Ha-HA! Excellent! Unlike all my other "take over the world quick" schemes, this one is SURE to give me the world! And quick, too!
Not so fast, Lord Liepard!
Oh, Secret Agent Servine, how timely
of you! Behold, my latest creation- the Time and Space Displacement Device! Unlike most teleporters, which only transfer you through space, MY device will send you through TIME as well! Once I step onto the platform, I'll be able to rewrite history to suit MY needs! Erase each and every indignity you've inflicted upon me! And there's not a thing you can do about it!
There's one thing you haven't planned for, Liepard- the psychic powers of creepy goth Lolis!
Eh? What? You are speaking nonsense, Servine- all this globetrotting must have gone to yo-
*BZZZZZZZAAP* OH MEW WHERE AM I!?!
What is this!?! Identify yourself! How did you get on my TaSDD!?!
That, my fine feline friend, is a friend of mine I've yet to meet, safely pulled from his hyperspatial journey to rest here! A clever bit of sabotage on my part not only allowed my to redirect his destination at the precisely right instant, but also sow the seeds of your destruction!
WHAT!?! In order to do what you're proposing, you would have had to know the exact moment of his journey, literally a matter of thousandths
of a second, AND you'd have to know exactly the quantum frequencies my device operates on, a problem I myself did not solve until scant hours ago! There is no way you could have known about this beforehand!
Gustave! Take this recorder with you! It will explain everything- don't worry, Monk will find you safe in your Box, none the wiser!
I suppose I can do that, but...
Computer! Beta-Kerotene-Zapdos Override protocol! Activate TaSDD, coordinates 8467.131.08132T-2W!
I alter those protocols on a daily basis! This is bullshit
Liepard, you old fool- do you not even realize the implications of your own invention? That recorder was active the entire time, archiving and time-stamping everything that occurred here today: Gustave's arrival, the access codes, the frequencies. All of that information is now two weeks in the past, along with Gustave, in the very heart of M10's munitions dump! Information your "assistant" will use to subtly alter your device for our purposes!
Secret Agent Drilbur, reporting for duty!
Blast! I should have known he was a mole! But it's never too late, when you have a time machine! I'll just go back to... did you say munitions dump
That's right. Centrally located in the dynamite storage bay.
You fool! Do you know what you have done!?! The Time and Space Displacement Device is even now hurtling Gustave's mass in extremely
agitated nitro glycerin towards this very room! Everything will be destroyed!
Then I suppose we'd better start running, eh Liepard? As they say, a stitch in time saves nine... lives
Curse you Secret Agent Servine! I'll have my revenge yet!
***MEANWHILE, ON ROUTE SIXTEEN***
Alright, just so we're clear- you bring Gustave back from wherever you sent him, and I let you back in the main party, yes?
Dammit Miho, if I don't have a ground type for this next Gym everyone is going to die! Can't you understand that?
Gustave! You were behind that tree the entire time! Thank goodness.
[That's right, I'm back. Pull that shit on me again and I'll introduce you to some friends
I made while I was gone- I'm not part Dark type for no reason, capish?]
[I'll take that as a yes.]
Route 16 has the expected mishmash of trainers and random items- some of them are only accessible when I teach Urkel Strength in order to move a boulder. More excitingly, although I cannot progress further eastward due to a Broken Bridge
, but off to the north there is another area- Lostlorn Forest!
*Wild Tranquill Appeared!*
Aw dang, it's Pidove's evolution. I suppose he's worth more as an emergency Fly backup than as raw XP, though.
Yep, still a generic normal/flyer
Get in the Box, Himmler
[Don't you want to see my sta-]
THE BOX, I SAY!
A bit further ahead, I hit the only feature of note in Lostlorn Forest (well, the only feature I can access without swimming up a waterfall, anyway,) - an RV.
I've been around the world, I've loved a million girls-
You don't say.
but the woman who lives here seems to think living quietly by herself is important.*
What? She doesn't feel the need to share personal information about herself with Passersby
, or have those passersby share useless tidbits of their lives with her, or have random twelve-year-olds burst into her house? She must be a witch!
But really, that's about it for random other places I can go. Broken bridges (both literal and figurative) keep me from exploring further, and I've found every item worth finding in range (and several not worth the finding!) There's only one thing left to do- return to Nimbasa City Gym, and face... John Madden. Oh, and Elesa the Electric something-or-other, too, I guess.
NEXT TIME: Elesa
Suggestions, Comments, Criticism welcome as always.
Nuvema Town- "Marvin", Oshawott
Route 1- XXX
Accumula Town- ??
Route 2- "Pompey", Lillipup 6-12
Striaton City- ??
Dreamyard- "Mojo Jojo", Pansear lvls 10-12
Route 3- "Timon", Patrat 8-15
Wellspring Cave- "Cletus", Woobat 11-14
Nacrene City- ??
Pinwheel Forest- "Heinrich", Pidove
Castelia City- ??
Route 4- "Urkel", Scraggy
Desert Resort- "Gustave", Sandile
Nimbasa City- ??
Route 5- "Miho", Gothita
Route 16- "Oscar", Trubbish
Relic Castle- "Teddy", Yamask
Lostlorn Forest- "Himmler", Tranquill