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Author Topic: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! RUN COMPLETED  (Read 259729 times)


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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #615 on: June 04, 2014, 12:43:16 pm »

It's FEF, not FEOF


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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #616 on: June 04, 2014, 01:21:19 pm »

Yay, new update! But what happened to Part XXIX?


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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #617 on: June 04, 2014, 01:24:45 pm »

WOOT. I completely forgot about this.
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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #618 on: June 04, 2014, 01:31:34 pm »

I don't care if this doesn't update in due time--just update it! :D
Translation: YAY UPDATE! YAY MONK12!
Disclaimer: This poster does not have any intent to be rude or callous in her remarks. She has bad wording at times.
Even though accounts vary, everyone has a legendary story to tell.

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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #619 on: June 04, 2014, 08:23:28 pm »

Yay, new update! But what happened to Part XXIX?





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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #620 on: June 04, 2014, 08:26:13 pm »

Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic.

I'm not going to start a new topic until I finish this one, dammit!

PART XXIX: Twist and Shout

Having done a great deal of backtracking and unimportant shenanigans, I once more set my feet towards the next Gym; or more accurately, I set my feet towards Twist Mountain, the route before the next Gym which probably has a bunch of Plasgoons hiding in the basement or behind a rock or something.

"Clay will never find us here!"

When Clay first said he owned the mountain, I was a little confused; who owns a mountain, right? I was expecting some kind of Helix-based Mt. Moon. What I got was a strip mine. Way to rape nature, Clay.

"I get the name now, though"

I am the number TWO trainer on Twist Mountain!*

You know, that's not a very good pre-asskicking oneliner.

[Step off, son!]

For your information, the number one is Clay!*

False; the number one is me.

Why do I dig? Why do you fight?* I can eat pigmole steak?

The more you fight, the stronger you will be. The more you dig, the bigger the hole will be. If you have a purpose, there's no wasted effort!*


Words are unnecessary! I can understand everything if we battle!*

[Understand this!] *Air Slash*

Though people and Pokemon cannot communicate with words, we can communicate with our hearts!*

Yeah, tell that to N.

My Pokemon love the ore in this mountain!*

[And I love all the ground and rock types in here.]

If Pokemon eat the ore inside a mountain, a hole grows, and our work speeds up! People and Pokemon work great together!*

Wait, if you're letting the Pokemon eat the ore you're digging up... what are you digging for?

Somewhere in the course of all this nonsense, Gustave evolves into a Krookodile (meaning he gets a bit redder and looks like he as awesome sunglasses, a decided aesthetic improvement) and Lumiere evolves into a Lampent (meaning he gets a stupid hat and goofy noodle arms, so... at least his base stats went up, I guess.) Twist Mountain involves a lot of spiraling downward, but it's pretty linear until the basement, where there's a few different ways to go. I head into the basement of the mining operation, and sure enough, Team Plasma's down here with no Gym Leaders in sight. However, it looks like Cheren beat me to them.

Huh. Pretty strong... But you're only strong because you Trainers are controlling Pokemon!*

So if you want to set Pokemon free... If that's what you want, you should start with your own. But taking people's Pokemon by force is not right. That is not real strength!*

Really? I thought Trainer Licenses and Route Restrictions and the Pokemon League Challenge were kinda the basis of our system of government.

Hey, there you are! We found that thing we were looking for. We should head for the tower now!*

Get this! Team Plasma has obtained the power to change this world and end people's control over Pokemon.*

Oh, that Dark Stone majigger or whatever that... Skyla mentioned? Maybe that was N, I forget.

That's right! We must use force in order to right the wrongs of the world. Now, let's gather around our king. Our lord N!*

Yeah, not if I can help it. I'm gonna mop the floor with- MEW DAMMIT WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS!?! I CAN'T CHASE YOU IF YOU KEEP CHEATING!

Yes, I do believe that was their plan. Looks like they got away this time.

You mean I didn't even get to fight them? But my bloodlust isn't sated yet!

Those guys... I don't know what they've found, but they go the extra mile to gain power and cause trouble. What a bothersome bunch... Monk... I'm going to stay here for a while. I want to think a little bit about what the Champion asked me... What do I want to do with my power after I get strong? And why do I want to be strong in the first place?*

Yeah, okay, you hang out in this dark cave and have an existential crises. I'll go stop Team Plasma from summoning the Pokemon King in the Mountain or whatever. This is a good plan.

Icirrus City: Sky Flittering with Flowers of Snow
Unless it's Summer, then it's a swamp

Hello, Monk!*

Hey.... you!

My name is Cedric.

Have we met?

Cedric Juniper? World renowned Pokemon professor? We met after you left the last cave? Part XXVI? My daughter gave you a bunch of free stuff, including your starter Pokemon?

Yeah, uh, that's cool. Are we going to battle? Because if you don't want to battle I need to go beat up some Plasma grunts and/or a Gym Leader, whichever gets in my way first. So...

How is Krookodile? Ah! This Krookodile has really taken a shine to you.*


The Pokedex is important, but time spent having fun together is also important. Say, I just had a thought-- have you heard of Dragonspiral Tower?*

Well, not by that name, but I know Team Plasma is going to some tower to summon a legendary Dragon type Pokemon, so... yes?

Ok. Give this story a listen. Dragonspiral Tower is said to be the Unova region's oldest building. Stories say it's the place where legendary Pokemon came to life or where they remain in deep slumber. I know it's just past Icirrus City, but that's all I know about it. That's all anyone knows, because no one has ever been inside.*

Sounds like an Indiana Jones-style deathtrap to me.

My daughter has wanted to investigate that tower for a long time. "What! There's something I don't know?!" That kind of feeling is pure adventure. And I'm not too old for some adventuring. Away I go to have a look at Dragonspiral Tower! Catch you later!*

...he can really move for an old guy, huh. Well, I'll just go find the Pokecenter and-

*Wild Stunfisk Appeared!*


Yep, definitely left a footprint

Well, Ground/Electric is a neat combo, but I don't think I have room in my party for a derpy brown pancake. To the box with you, Ackbar!


So yeah, apparently those wet lowlands are full of derpy wild Pokemon. I hit up the Pokecenter for some heals, buy a Fire Blast TM for Lumiere, and then engage in another rousing bout of Greet the Village People.

Welcome to the Pokemon Fan club!

Isn't the whole world the Pokemon Fan club?

If you are a Trainer, will you show me how you are raising your Pokemon with loving care?*

Yeah okay, I've grown rather fond of Marvin here.

Oh! This Samurott was level 5 when you met, but now it's level 41! You've raised it well. You must be affectionate.*

...that's it? No prize?

A loving companion is its own reward!

Yeah, but I had that before I came in here. I'm looking for people who will give me free stuff for trivial tasks, not people who tell me what I already know. On to the next house!

Hi! This way, pleeeeease!*

Well Hi yourself, special guest Vanna White! What are you doing in this random house?

Exciting! Thrilling! Zippy! Chilling! It's "Pep Quiz"! Today's challenger is- this person!*

"Pep?" Er, my name is Monk. What's going on here?

Hiya, welcome! "Pep Quiz" starts NOW! Answer lots of quizzy questions, and watch your brain get brainier! Let's start... with... a question!*

Good luck!*

Uh, thank you, little girl. I guess some good publicity wouldn't hurt.

A question! What is the opposite of analog?*

Oh, it's digi-

Oh, my! It's tremendously difficult! Can the challenger answer this?*

The answer is di-

H-i-n-t! H-i-n-t!*

Oh-oh. The audience is asking for a hint!*

The audience is like five years old, she's probably never seen an analog clock. The answer is digit-

OK. I'll give you a hint! Hint! It's not golana!*

That doesn't make any- AAAAHhh, I get it. That was terrible.

Ha ha, this is a good hint! Challenger, please answer! What is the opposite of analog?*

Digi- why did you hand me a dictionary?

It's a multiple choice quiz! Just choose the word which answers the question!

You literally gave me ALL THE WORDS to choose from! That didn't narrow it down any! Whatever, the opposite of analog is digital.

Woo-hoo! That is c-o-r-r-e-c-t!*

You go! Yeah, you do!*

Yeah! Yeah! Good hustle!*

I don't even... is there a gas leak in here, or wha-

Congratulations! Now- THIS is a prize. It's an Antidote!* Antidote.

Exciting! Thrilling! Zippy! Chilling! That's "Pep Quiz"! See ya tomorrow!*


I want to be on TV soon!*


...I'm done. Monk out.

There's not too much else going on in Icirrus City; some kids spinning around and playing in the rain, NPCs with uninteresting dialogue bits about things I already know, so on and so forth. I can see Cedric hanging out to the North side of town, presumably where Dragonspiral Tower and the rest of the plot awaits, so instead I head out to battle the trainers down the road away from Icirrus.

I don't get very far, though.

*What? The egg is hatching!*

About time! Come on, big money, big money, no whammy...

*The egg hatched into a Larvesta!*

...What am I looking at here, exactly?

Note to self, resist the urge to hug it when it evolves

Let's see... Bug/Fire is neat, hopefully the last Gym and the Elite Four aren't heavy on the rocks... Calm, somewhat stubborn... ooh, Flame Body is a neat ability. And despite the fact you're some kind of horrible grub creature, you're actually pretty cute. I rate you four Rare Candies out of five, would accept random eggs again.

[Wait... I'm an orphan?]

You're gonna be really handy in this Ice Gym... if you can gain forty levels between now and when I challenge them. Come on, Mothra, eat this TM, and hold this Lucky Egg, and let's go fuck up some umbrella bitches down on the bayou. TO THE FIELDS OF GRINDING!

Not only does Mothra learn the Fire Blast TM, but he ALSO learns the Aerodynamics TM. You explain to me how a flaming grub can learn that shit and a fascist pigeon can't, because I have no idea. That said, literally nothing exciting happens on Route 8 and the Icirrus Moor; I get a shot at a Palpitoad and another Stunfisk but murder both of them, Mothra powerlevels like a bastard with the help of Marvin and Gustave, rangers give me berries, random knickknacks are retrieved from across ponds and behind boulders, same old same old. The only thing preventing me from taking the Tubline Bridge to the next town is a pair of Plasma grunts standing in front of the door, both of whom say "Apparently, some of us are working in Dragonspiral Tower, which is close to Icirrus City" when you speak to them and nothing else. As if either of them could stop me from going through if I wanted.

Still, it seems as if the game is funneling me toward Dragonspiral Tower, so to Dragonspiral Tower I go.

Like this, but more dragony and spirally, and less doory

That building serenely towering over everything is Dragonspiral Tower.*

I gathered, yeah.

From far in the past, before Unova was founded, it still stands tall today.*

It's ancient and spirally. Got it.

On the top floor, so it's been told, the legendary Pokemon is waiting for a person pursuing ideals to appear.*

Cool story. I'm gonna pop inside for a bit.

Wait, what? You can't!

I've got Pokemon. I totally can. See ya!

Except, maybe not so much. The tower is in the middle of a lake, but that's no big deal; I can surf on an awesome war otter. Unfortunately, there's nowhere to surf to; apparently the reason nobody has gone inside is because nobody has gone inside, because nobody can find the damn door. Never mind that the Legendary Pokemon is at the top and I can Fly on Himmler, or that Gustave can Dig underground, or that Urkel literally knows how to Brick Break to get through the wall. Heck, you'd think some punk with an Abra could Teleport in for a look around, but no; you go in through the nonexistent door, or you don't go in at all, and since nobody has found the door in all of Unova's history that means nobody has gone in. End of story.

Well, not quite end of story.

*Wild Basculin appeared!*

Oh. Huh. Guess this is my Pokemon for Dragonspiral Tower, then.

Ugly bastard, too

Get in the Box, Nemo.


Can it, you stupid angry fish. I've already got two competent Water types ahead of you and a full party in the box to boot, so take a nice comfy seat on the bench, because the only way I pull you out of the box is if I need an HM slave for Waterfall or Whirlpool or something. Obviously there's no door I can get to here; looks like I need to beat this Ice Gym before the Dragonspiral Tower stuff unlocks. You know what we need to do, angry little fishy?


Nemo. It's time... to chill out.

Suggestions, Comments, Criticism welcome as usual.

Hopefully too many people didn't get a glimpse of the future. It DOES explain why my buffer looked too small though.

Spoiler: Routes Visited (click to show/hide)


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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #621 on: June 04, 2014, 08:31:23 pm »

Aw so you're not able to catch anything inside the tower? That's a pity, some of the coolest pokemon in Gen V hang out there
It's FEF, not FEOF


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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #622 on: June 04, 2014, 08:38:08 pm »

I got to see the future. :P
The Cyan Menace

Went away for a while, came back, went away for a while, and back for now.


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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #623 on: June 05, 2014, 02:51:36 am »

IT LIVES! Also, what TMs do you have now?

United Forenia Forever!

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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXIX: Twist and Shout
« Reply #624 on: June 06, 2014, 11:28:52 pm »

holy shit
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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXIX: Twist and Shout
« Reply #625 on: June 07, 2014, 02:16:55 pm »

PART XXX: Brycen

Tonight's Gym theme is Game of Thrones Meets Metal by 331Erock. Why yes, I frequently make such decisions based on bad puns, why do you ask?

Icirrus City Gym!'s not much to look at, huh

The entrance to Icirrus City Gym is a nondescript hole in the dirt which reminds me of some kind of icicle-themed Bag End. From the outside, at least; inside, it's the ice cavern setup that seems rather common in the Pokeverse, complete with the icy floor sliding puzzle. The twist is that there's a central L-bend in each area you have to fling yourself through to progress, and you need to properly orient it by stepping on floor switches, otherwise it won't send you to the right place. The twist on top of the twist is that instead of just changing your direction by 90 degrees, it boomerangs you in a big curve around obstacles to wherever you need to end up.

Unfortunately, the twist unraveled pretty quick when I realized that it's still a pretty linear path: Walk to Switch, Throw Self at Majigger, Walk to Switch, Throw Self at Exit via Majigger, repeat times three. There was one bit that required me to make sure I zigged instead of zagged (as failure would have thrown me back to the start of the Gym,) but overall it was incredibly easy.

"But Monk," you say, "Surely your prowess at navigating floor sliding puzzles is directly related to how you've improved your gaming skills as a child! The puzzles haven't gotten easier, you've just gotten more experienced!"

To that, I offer Gen II's Ice Gym as rebuttal.

Pryce's Gym.
Given their similar names, I wonder if they're related?

It's a bit involved, isn't it? Not surprising, since it's an actual puzzle. Bearing in mind that in game you could only ever see about half of this at a time, take a look, see if you can solve it in less than thirty seconds; that's about how long I could do it with the aid of nostalgia, and is about twenty nine seconds longer than it took me to figure out Icirrus Gym. Here's a hint, the fastest solutions involve one step that requires stopping somewhere other than one of those solid patches; not only is that not true of the Icirrus City Gym (can't let things get too nonlinear,) but the little patches have streaks indicating which way you should be entering/leaving them as well.

Oh, and don't think that the "if there's still enemies I must be going the right way" trick will work, either; it's entirely possible to fight Pryce without fighting any of his cronies (or maybe just one, I forget if that one guy looks around.) Sure, you want to fight all those trainers for the EXP anyway, and a bit of sliding around should be enough to get you to solve the Gym, but that's just it; you don't "solve" Brycen's Gym, you just kinda walk from Point of Interest to Point of Interest until you're before the Gym Leader.

Not that the points are very interesting, mind you.

Well, well, if you are feeling dizzy because of the Gym machines, I will stand in your path!*

You're gonna need a lot more than dizziness to have a prayer of beating me.

[And I don't need much more than type advantage to destroy a glorified McFlurry!] *Fire Blast*


Being fired into the air by cannons and spinning on the ice many times... It's difficult to get Badges.*

No, it's not difficult at all; just mildly inconvenient, like going to the bank during business hours.

The problem is never whether you can battle or not, it's whether you will battle or not.*

[Our eyes have met, we must do battle!]

What the frig is that?

[Weak to fire, that's what!] *Fire Blast*

If you don't fight, you won't lose, but you won't get strong either.*

And if you don't fight, you won't get strong, but your Pokemon won't die either. What's your point?

I am the King of Karate! I've taught my Pokemon moves that they'll use in battle with you!*


You've taught your Pokemon Fighting and Normal moves? Too bad you're in an Ice Gym, then.

[Bad for you, but good for me!] *Flame Charge* *Flame Charge*

I am from a fighting dojo in Kanto!! This is my global debut, so to speak!*

Wait, if you're from a fighting dojo in Kanto, what happened to all of your Fighting type Pokemon?

Customs agents.

After a series of jumps over icy cavernous depths, I arrive at the Gym Leader's little underground balcony thing.

One good Earthquake and the Gym Leader is dead

Alright, let's get this over with. I'm Monk, I've got a bunch of badges, baddest dude in town, blah blah I challenge you for your Badge, Brycen.

Hello Pokemon fans, and welcome to another edition of Unovan Idol! Monk brings a powerful team against Earl Brycen of Icirrus City-

Save your breath, Madden, I'll summarize for the viewers at home; I'm only going to use Larvesta, and he's probably not going to do anything other than Blast Flames based on how this Gym has gone so far.

You appear ready to face a Gym Leader. Then... Bring it!*

[Would you like sprinkles on your cone of frigid death?]

[No, but I brought my own cherry to put on top.] *Fire Blast*


Woah! A fiery assault from Monk's rare Pokemon brings down Brycen's Pokemon in one blow!

You are strong! No, both you and your Pokemon are strong!*

[But bears are stronger than bugs!] *Swagger*

Oooh, is that the evolution of Cubchoo? ...does that mean the icicle beard is frozen snot? Gross. Well, you might have a bear, but I have a bearry!

Ugh. Save the one-liners for the professionals, kid.

Eat this, Mothra!

[This Persim Berry tastes quite... sensible.]

*Brine* *Slash*

[EAT GLOBAL WARMING, BEAR!] *Flame Charge* *Fire Blast*


Finish it, Cryogonal!

*Ice Beam*

Yeah, I think one heal and we're done here.

*Super Potion* *Flame Charge* *Fire Blast*


And it's over! Monk has blazed through Brycen on his path to the Unova League; tune in next time to see whether the final Gym Leader can slow him down!

Not bloody likely; you guys only use 3 Pokemon each, and I only need 1 to defeat you.

In honor of your stout heart, I will give you this.*

I know it's supposed to be an icicle, but imma pretend it's a rocket ship

You have seven badges. This TM will convey my regards for your accomplishment.*

Let's see, Frost Breath... low power, always crits. That's kinda neat, I guess. You know I can buy Blizzard in any Pokecenter, right?

No matter how many battles I fight, I don't know what strength is. Perhaps you can find the answer.*

Pokemon are a lot like the stock market, Brycen; you need to diversify your portfolio if you want to succeed. At least get some dual types in there, man! Monk out.

Of course, it's not as easy as "Monk out." Apparently exiting a Gym is the new, exciting place to ambush a player with plot, as the Dream Team is waiting for me when I step outside.

Well, I never said it was a good dream

Monk, I've been talking with Bianca, and I'm wondering... since we left Nuvema Town, has something about me... changed?*

Only basically everything. You haven't nattered on about glass ceilings or civil liberties for peasants or anything like that since... Burgh's Gym? Are you still fucked up about that?

Thinking about what I want to do... Thinking about what I should do... It felt like there was nothing...*

Look, Burgh is a creepy bastard with some pretty warped ideas, but here's my theory; I kicked his ass, therefore I am stronger than him, therefore I don't have to pay any attention to anything he said! It's basically the operating principle of our system of government! Feel better?

Have I really become stronger? Or is it just my Pokemon that have? I don't know anymore!*

Hey, hey. Cheer up, Cheren... Isn't it nice to see everyone?!*

Yeah! You're lost in an existential void and gripped by feelings of uncertainty and doubt, but look on the bright side! I'm doing great! Nice pep talk, Bianca.

Monk! Know what? This time, I'll go to the Pokemon Fan Club. I'm really searching... for what I want to do and what I can do!*

Is that why you keep going to all these weird places? I'm glad you didn't settle on the Playhouse or Playtheater or whatever that place with the silly hats was, I'd have been forced to annul our friendship.

Monk, wait up! Monk, we need to ask you a favor.

A favor? What favor would I ever do for you?

We need you to ease up on these Gym Leaders. The fight's aren't lasting long enough!

Yeah uh that last one didn't fill anywhere near an episode I mean we're gonna have to pad it out with lots of slow motion replays and special interviews and stuff like that

I... no! If you want these battles to last longer, go tell the next Gym Leader to get their shit together! Mew knows Brycen was a pushover, but he's hardly unique in that regard.

Who are you?*

Speak of the devil!

Who? Us? I'm Bianca, and this is Cheren...*

I know you are there! Why don't you show yourselves?*

Aw crap, I think I broke him.

Impressive, Gym Leader of Icirrus City.*

AW FRIG YOU GUYS AGAIN. stupid invisible death ninjas

Woah! Are you getting this, Joe?

Yeah sure am Mr. John Madden sir I mean I have plenty of tape to spare after that weak ass fight we just filmed

We, the Shadow Triad, are beings of the shadows... and not easily noticed.*

Our mission was to speak only with Monk, but so be it. Ghetsis has a message for you: come to Dragonspiral Tower.*

It is there that our lord N waits for you. ...Now, our mission is complete.*

That guy sure likes to taunt me.

Dragonspiral Tower?! What's going on? Hey! Tell me-*


Those guys have got to be Pokemon in disguise or something. Oh well, time to go stop Team Plasma from doing whatever stupid thing they're trying to do.

What does Team Plasma have to do with Dragonspiral Tower? Answer me!

Don't worry about it Brycen, I got this.

That's Earl Brycen of the Icewatch Order to you, Sir Monk! My primary duty is to guard Dragonspiral Tower, so you will answer me.

You've really dropped the ball in that case; Team Plasma's been sniffing around Twist Mountain for the Dark Stone for quite some time now. How can you not know this, Twist Mountain is right on your doorstep!

Elesa told me they had Team Plasma cornered! She certainly didn't mention anything about the Dark Stone or Dragonspiral Tower! This is a disaster!

Eh, not really; Team Plasma's a bunch of fools and incompetents. What harm could they do?

What harm... listen, did it ever occur to you to wonder why there's an Ice Gym outside an ancient tower with a powerful Dragon type in it?

Uh... not really?

To keep the dragon in the tower. You bear the Freeze Badge, which means you also bear the responsibilities of the Icewatch Order as laid out by the Pokeking of lore. Come with me, Monk; we have to go make sure nobody gets inside Dragonspiral Tower, and whatever the cost, they cannot awaken Zekrom!

What about me?

Young man, if you're here for a Gym challenge, hang on for a bit. I've got to head to Dragonspiral Tower!*

I'm going, too. Dragonspiral Tower is to the north of here, right?*

Hey, wait up you two!

Whoooooa! Whoa. Wh-what should I do?*

You should definitely stay here, Bianca, or go to the Fan Club like you were planning. Your father still holds me responsible for your safety, and it sounds like there's going to be some big climactic battle between the Good Guys and Team Plasma and maybe a bunch of horrible dragons living in there, so you should stay as far away as-

F-for now, I have to go to Dragonspiral Tower... OK! I'm heading north!*


NEXT TIME: Dragonspiral Tower
Suggestions, Comments, Criticism welcome as always.

Spoiler: Routes Visited (click to show/hide)


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Re: Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz! Part XXX: Brycen
« Reply #626 on: June 07, 2014, 02:25:33 pm »

IT LIVES! Also, what TMs do you have now?

Spoiler: TM/HM List (click to show/hide)

I was going to accompany that list with an update list of moves for the current party, but in playing ahead a bit there will be some changes to my lineup as we approach endgame. Next update Friday I think!


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Ye know, being an usurper overseer gone mad with power isn't too bad. It's honestly not that different from being a normal overseer.
To summarize:
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DFBT the Dwarf: The only community podcast for Dwarf Fortress!
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I suggest that we add a clause permitting the keelhauling of anyone who suggests a plan involving "zombify the crew".
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PART XXXI: Dragonspiral Tower

NB: Some of special guest John Madden's dialogue is marked with the asterisk to indicate it is actual game text; in game it was just some inner monologuing since there were no other characters around, but I didn't want stupid words put in my mouth, so I put them in his. Hooray Artistic License!

Quickly, to the Tower of Plot Importance!

After a brief heal, I saunter up north to where Cedric Juniper was standing outside of Dragonspiral Tower. Fortunately, Bianca is standing with him and not getting herself killed in the Lightning Dragon Tower of Doomy Doom.

Oh, Monk! And you must be Bianca. I'm the other Professor Juniper. The Professor Juniper who gave you the Pokedex is my daughter.*

Nice to meet you, Professor! Thanks to Professor Juniper, I got to go on a journey and start figuring out possibilities for my life. I'm very, very grateful to her!*

Is that right? Grand, grand. Actually, we should chat later.*

Yeah, it kinda looks like Dragonspiral Tower is exploding.

Monk, Bianca, here's the situation. Some members of Team Plasma- quite a large group- broke through the tower wall and went inside.*

Wait... they literally just broke in? They didn't even use the Dark Stone to reveal a hidden entrance, they just busted open a wall? Why in the name of Mew hasn't any archaeologist done that in the entire history of Unova!

Ha! I guess you would be curious. Well, I'll explain briefly. Dragonspiral Tower has stood tall since long before Unova was founded. On the top floor, the legendary Dragon-type Pokemon waits for a person pursuing ideals to appear... That's what is said.* Any entry to the Tower has been forbidden for generations, in order to prevent the return of the legendary Pokemon.

Oh. It's just, you made it sound like such a mystery earlier.

Are you going to go after Team Plasma like your friend did? It's admirable to join the fight against Team Plasma, but it's risky, too.*

Don't worry! Monk and Cheren are both really, really strong, and they've beaten Team Plasma before.*

For you it's a world-threatening terrorist incident, but for me it's Tuesday.

But... I'm not all that strong, actually. I admit it.*

YES! Phew, thank Mew that's out in the open. I didn't want to say it, but- wait no I totally wanted to say it. It's still more convenient coming from you, though.

I'm not very strong, so I was thinking... It would be nice if, maybe, I could... stay here and be your bodyguard?*

You do know bodyguarding involves being able to guard things, right? Wait... does bodyguard mean what I think it means, or is that some new lingo you kids are using? So Burgh was right about you and Iris, and... ew, you were bodyguarding Professor Juniper for a bit there-AUGH NO YOUR FATHER TOLD ME TO BODYGUARD YOU TRAIN OF THOUGHT OFFICIALLY OVER

Why, thank you! That makes me feel much safer! Well, Monk! It's up to you! Climb the tower! This is all I can give you, but it might help you rest!*

What is this... "Old Gateau?" I'd say it's irresponsible to give a fifteen-year-old a bottle of wine, but it's also pretty irresponsible to send him after a terrorist organization, so I'll just take the booze and run.

Still... What could Team Plasma be after?*

Well there's only one Mew-forsaken thing in the whole Tower, isn't there? I don't think they went up there for a bake sale!

Monk... Please don't do anything crazy.*

Wait no actually you should do the opposite of that and be really reckless and bitchin'

We're coming with you, Monk!

What? No, I hate you guys.

Monk, I've seen a lot of talented young Trainers take the Pokemon League challenge, but none of them have your blend of devil-may-care attitude, bloody-minded determination, and raw skill! If anybody is going to win a duel on top of this tower, it's going to be you!

You're just flattering me so I won't try to kill you.

Yes indeed that's right you nailed it sir very cleverly deduced for sure

...well, it worked, dammit. Let's go disperse some plasma.

I said "disperse", not "distribute!"

Say what you will about Team Plasma, but they get shit done; in the time it took me to skate through Icirrus City Gym and defeat Brycen (not a very long time at all, I hasten to add,) they managed to not only blow a hole in the base of Dragonspiral Tower, but also built a bridge out to the tower itself so I don't have to get my toes wet! If they turned their industrious zeal towards public works projects the world would be a wonderful place, or at least it would be a place with affordable public housing and an efficient transportation network instead of the "dense slums separated by ferocious wilderness" thing we have now.

Though the Plasma Construction Battalion was quite proficient in their bridge building, they didn't put any effort into making the interior navigable; the ancient ruins are shattered and broken, with fallen columns bridging gaps in the floor to allow progress. You'd think this would make a good maze, but apart from a few readily-accessible items off to the side there's little to slow you down.

Like this, but with fewer random encounters, and way more linear.
So not like this at all, really

Running up the stairs, I find Cheren and Brycen face to face with a whole horde of Plasma grunts.

Monk! We'll hold them here! You go on ahead!*

Why don't you go ahead? These guys won't slow me down too much, and besides, you are the Ice expert here.

What a wonderful plan. If only somebody hadn't fainted half of my Pokemon.

Oh. Uh, I can't help but feel partially responsible for that. Would you like me to help out so you don't, y'know, die?

I'm fine, but there's no time!*

Are you kidding? There isn't even any urgent music playing!

Shut up and climb the tower, I've got this young man to guard my back.

This is nothing! But there sure are a lot of them... Oh, what a complete bother!*

I mean, honestly, nobody seems to be doing anything. They're all just standing around letting us talk.

Why should we fight you? You'll destroy us for sure.

We'll get in your way if we have to, sure, but we were only told to slow you down. If you want to slow yourselves down, well, that's fine by me.

Look, just shut up and fight Brycen. I want to see a Gym Leader actually do something.

Monk. Shut up and go stop N from destroying Unova.

What did you want, a fancy cutscene?

Kinda, yeah.

Well, deal with it. This is making for terrible TV, get to the action already!

Fine. Let's run this gauntlet. Have at thee, Plasgoons!

I will hurt anyone who disobeys Team Plasma!*

[Not with mere Watchogs, you won't]

Ouch, ooooouch, my Pokemon got hurt! You, before you came here, how many Pokemon did you hurt?*

Uh, do you just mean the Pokemon I've lost, or the enemy Pokemon I've fainted, or every Pokemon who has ever taken damage as a result of my actions? I suppose it doesn't matter, the answer to all of the above is "too many."

I'm sure you also thought "I am strong" and "I can win" and came here.*

Yes. The difference between me and you is that I'm right.

If the king of Team Plasma rules the world, Trainers will disappear, and disputes will end!*

No, people will just default to more primitive ways of murdering each other. Like, swords and halberds and stuff. I suppose it makes sense you people would be into that sort of thing, given your attire.

Is... Is something going wild at the top of the tower?*

Don't worry, I've fought N, and his team isn't capable of capturing a Legendary. We've got plenty of time.

Stop right there! I am Giallo, one of the Seven Sages, and you... are surrounded!




Plas-well you get the idea.

Could it be... a QUADRUPLE BATTLE!?!

Well that wouldn't be very chivalrous, would it? Come on now, form a queue.

No one can interfere with Unova's new dawn!*

Oh. Well, I know you're just trying to make this fight take longer, but I still only need, like, one shot for each grunt.

[Now serving number 2!]

Our dream is about to come true! No one will be able to stop us!*

[No one but me. Next!]

Here I come! Plasmaaaa!!*

Please stop screaming.

[It is most unbecoming. Next!]

Even though I lost, I will still say, Plasmaaaa, go Plasmaaaa! Our king will create a new world!*

Yes, yes, lovely, please get out of line so I can fight the next guy. Er, gal.

Bring it on! Can you take on four in a row?*


I don't understand... Why do you keep trying so hard?*

You misunderstand. I'm not trying hard. Get out of my way before I decide to exert myself.

W-well, we'll let you through for now!*

The hero will open up the way to a new world! Which means you Trainers can all prepare to lose your Pokemon!*

Bring it on, Chessmaster.

Who, me? I don't have a Pokemon! Did you think I was going to fight you?

I... yes?

That would make me something of a hypocrite, don't you think?

Well, yes. You ARE a high ranking official in a terrorist organization that uses Pokemon to achieve its ends.

Only from necessity! The ends justify the means!

Oh, don't feed me that crock. You lot just want-

Uh Monk? Maybe we should just go upstairs now?

Hm? No, I have to explain why he is wrong. It's not like N can really capture a Legendary Pokemon.

It sounds like something is on a rampage at the top of the tower!*

That could be anything! It's probably just some irritable Pidoves or something! Swamp gas! Weather Balloons!

Monk, I've following you to see you fight a legendary Dragon-Type Pokemon, not to watch you argue with a moron while the interesting bits happen upstairs.

Yeah, okay, fine. I can try to reason with Giallo when I send him to jail. Let's head up the stairs... ooh, this floor has ominous music. And... can it be?

Is that...


Don't worry, it wasn't much longer than this

What do you think, Monk?*

It was certainly fancy and 3D and such, but it wasn't very long, was it? Nice dramatic reveal, though.

How do you like the powerful form of the Pokemon who appears before and fights beside the hero that will lead the way to a new world? Now, Zekrom and I will head to the Pokemon League and defeat the Champion!*

Wait wait wait... you already caught him?

I told you not to waste so much time chatting with the Grunts!

Shut up Madden! I can still take him on, right here, right now!

This will be the last of the Pokemon Battles that hurt Pokemon so. A world for Pokemon alone... It's finally going to be a reality.*

Bring it on, N! I'm not afraid of your fancy pants Dragon!

Monk, are you out of your mind!?! You haven't even beaten the Elite Four yet!

If you want to stop me, you must become a hero as well! That's right! When Zekrom's counterpart, Reshiram, recognizes you, we will finally be even, and then you can try to stop us!*

Come on, N, if you want to be King of Unova you need to learn to crush your enemies before they're strong enough to fight back. One minute they're derpy little Lillipups flouncing around a field, the next they're a swarm of Herdier Take Downing you into oblivion while your stupid friend stands by and does nothing.

Well, what will you do? My prediction... If the future that I see is true, you will meet Reshiram. The Pokemon with you believe in you so strongly... Will you be the one who interferes with my formula for changing the world?*

You really want me to prove you wrong, huh? Well, good news! You're already wrong! And all you have to do for me to prove it is to send out Zekwhatever and let me fight it!

If you want to protect the bonds between Pokemon and people, you must search for Reshiram!*

I'm never sure if you're listening to me. Let me simplify; you aren't letting me get away, I'm not letting YOU get away! The stairs are behind me! You shall not pass!

I'm sure it is waiting for you in the form of the Light Stone.* Farewell.


I don't know why I'm surprised, it's basically Bahamut with a jet engine on its ass

Monk, did you see what flew off just now?*

How could this happen?*

I know, right? There's no way those wings could support flight.

Why? That was that guy N, right? Why was he with the legendary Pokemon? He couldn't really be the hero, could he?! Also, did I hear him tell you to search for the other legendary Pokemon?*

Calm down! First, we go back! It's more important to decide what to do next than analyze what just happened.*

That might literally be the dumbest thing I've ever heard.


Except, y'know, Icy

Astounding... I never would have imagined the legendary Dragon-type Pokemon would return now...*

That guy called N... Team Plasma's boss apparently reawakened the legendary Pokemon. He told Monk to look for the other legendary Pokemon, then flew away...*

Huh? There are two legendary Dragon-type Pokemon?*

There's probably a whole slew of them out there.

Yes! Yes, there are!*

Why, if it isn't Alder! It's been a while! Have you been well?*

No time for chitchat! Those violent flashes of lightning that shot from the tower... That Pokemon has the power to destroy the world!*

Oh come on, any given Electric Pokemon can shoot lightning. Don't you think you're overselling this a bit?

If it's on Team Plasma's side, and Team Plasma tells everyone to release their Pokemon... No matter whether it comes from fear or admiration... The world can't help but change. It will become a world where we are separated from Pokemon...*

Balls to that! If he tries to take away my Pokemon, I'll fuck him up!

If we removed the restrictions on Pokemon use, we could raise an army and overwhelm him!

Don't be stupid, Cheren. If the common folk realize they can defend themselves, they'll realize they don't need Gym Leaders and ten year olds to fight for them!

We're like fifteen now, dude.

It would be anarchy! A peasant uprising, guillotines in the streets, blood and slaughter! The collapse of civilization as we know it!

You may not have noticed, but "civilization as we know it" is pretty awful.

Not for me it isn't!

Right... Moreover, the boss of Team Plasma, N, who reawakened Zekrom, apparently said to look for the other Pokemon, Reshiram.*

If I remember the myth, Zekrom's powerful electricity, along with the other Pokemon, devastated ancient Unova in an instant. Even knowing that, N is still wanting to awaken the other?!*

You keep mentioning Electricity... aw damn Dragon/Electric is gonna be a bitch to countertype.

H-huh?! Isn't it dangerous to bring back a Pokemon that powerful?*

Miss, you are a very kind person. Still, I don't know if other Pokemon will be able to stand up to it. Because, no matter what, it is a legendary being...*

You people need to stop getting so hung up on it being a Legendary. It has hit points. It can be killed. Besides, it's not like I'm going to get the other Legendary.


Why not?

I, er, might have already caught a Pokemon in Dragonspiral Tower.

I don't like the idea of taking orders form N, but searching for the dragon--the stone-- might not be a bad plan. We certainly can't let Team Plasma reawaken both of them! Since I've traveled all over Unova, I have an idea of where it might be.*

Wait, you mean the other Legendary might be somewhere else? Score!

Let's head to the Relic Castle. Monk, everyone, I'm going!*

...dammit, Teddy.

NEXT TIME: Relic Castle Redux
Suggestions, Comments, Criticism welcome as always.

Spoiler: Routes Visited (click to show/hide)
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