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[Aqizzar]

You hear a lot of weird ads on the radio when your commuting times are 10PM and 4AM, since they're ads specifically targeted at people who would have such a schedule and economic condition to be in a car by themselves at that hour.  Dating services and condoms, mostly, but weird drugs too, and this one really caught my attention.

America's favorite legal drug craze is "stuff that keeps you awake when you shouldn't be", as exemplified in craploads of energy drinks, now distilled into pure liquid awake shots and pills.  This ad in particular was for Nuvigil (as in New Vigil, opposed to your old crappy eight-hours-sleep vigil) marketed for people who work the graveyard shift; key ingredient / non-street name Armodafinil, a hardcore anti-narcolepsy prescription.  Okay, so it's speed you can buy with a doctor's note (since apparently you're supposed to dictate what medicine you want your doctor to give you), all good so far.

What blew me away was the side effects.  This being the 21st century, the "mandatory, trial-test possibilities disclosure" portion made up about 2/3s of the radio spot, awkwardly wedged between the sales hook and the sales pitch.  The public interest list doesn't do justice to what the actual ad decided to disclose: hallucinations, increased aggression, thoughts of suicide, total insomnia, muscle spasms and stiffness, yellowing of the eyes, sores and lesions, and general skin rash and peeling that can become life threatening in severity (see a doctor immediately).  "Nuvigil is not intended to replace sleep."

In other words, it turns you into an unnaturally decaying shamble of a human, who can no longer distinguish reality from nightmares in their blind rage.  Mark my words, the first time you hear a newscaster sputter their way through the word "zombification", you'll have Nuvigil to blame.

Sleep now?  Sleep never!  Sleep with one eye open.  That's Nuvigil, brought to you by the Umbrella Corporation (I guess).

[Myroc]

What's even more amusing is that they're trying to market this to the people who probably really, really, for the sake of the community they work for shouldn't be experiencing any of these side effects.

[Angel Of Death]

Wow... Let's hope it can't spread via bite.

[Jopax]

I am just wondering how something like this can even be allowed by that commitee you guys have that approves food and medicine.

[ToonyMan]

Stop using armodafanil and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
fever, sore throat, headache, and vomiting with a severe blistering, peeling, and red skin rash;
bruising, severe tingling, numbness, pain, muscle weakness;
easy bruising or bleeding;
white patches or sores inside your mouth or on your lips;
hallucinations, unusual thoughts or behavior;
depression, anxiety; or
chest pain, uneven heart beats.

Less serious side effects may include:
headache, dizziness;
feeling nervous or agitated;
nausea, diarrhea;
trouble sleeping (insomnia); or
dry mouth.

Why even list the side-effects?  It seems most medicine can cause every side-effect that has ever been documented so I never understood why people would even list side-effects when anything out of any possibility could happen.

[PsyberianHusky]

Ladies and Gentlemen, you may now begin your conspiracy theories.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Must eat braaaains... for their SLEEP POWERS.

[Zangi]

Sounds like it is still in the testing phase.

Also...  I feel safer now, knowing that the people working graveyard shifts in important jobs like Air Traffic Controller will soon be taking Nuvigil.  Thanks.

[Angel Of Death]

Ladies and Gentlemen, you may now begin your conspiracy theories.

Am I desqalified? I made up 2 before you said that.

[RedKing]

LOL...I heard that spot on the radio the other day too (at like 5 in the afternoon). My first reaction was that it was some kind of a joke. When I slowly realized with horror that it was legit, my second reaction was that I don't even want to be in the same room with a bottle of that stuff. I kept thinking of Colbert's "Cheating Death with Dr. Stephen Colbert" segment, where he pitches his own line of drugs, often with hilarious side effects, such as "wandering genital syndrome, Late Onset Albinoism, and brain tooth."


Zangi: No, it's out there on the market.

[Zangi]

@RedKing
I feel really secure and safe now.

[RedKing]

Let's not forget that ER surgeons are often up for 24-36 hours at a time as well. Nothing like giving psychotropic medication with a laundry list of deleterious side effects to a guy with a scalpel in his hands and a unconscious body in front of him.


Okay, I'm never going to the hospital again. "No, no, it's cool. I'll take my own appendix out."

[ChairmanPoo]

To be fair, most of those side effects are likely very rare. Prospects tend to not discriminate between frequent and really rare side effects.


I find it curious that the manufacturer company went for this after all, though. Back when this drug hit the market 3 years ago, there was lot of talk of it being used that way, but they stayed well away of such speculations.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

I wonder if this is how necromancers make zombies.

[Cthulhu]

Yeah, this is the first time I've seen something as simple as that come out with a list of symptoms for The Last Plague as its side effects, but most harder medications usually do.  They have to list pretty much any condition that their test subjects experience that might be related to the drug.  Apparently one test subject's skin sloughed off and he died.  Was it the drug?  Let's fucking hope so, because if it's not then that could happen to me.