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Author Topic: Could someone explain... The thread where we muse over what causes certain wtfs.  (Read 340293 times)

Graknorke

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They're good sources of milk, and can do work ploughing fields, you know, if dwarves ever get around to reducing the required dwarfpower in anything.

Why don't children tell anyone when they're being kidnapped from the middle of the statue garden?
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GoombaGeek

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Goblin snatchers bring candy and get the kids to crawl right in.

"Look, kids, syrup biscuits! I'm Goblin Claus!"
"I thought Goblin Claus brought metal stuff, not bags of syrup! And last year he got cut in half by a serrated blade trap and we had fun picking up the pieces!"
"That's because this year is super special!"
"OMG RLY IM GETTIN IN DAT SACK"

Why do goblins not know how to bash down locked doors?
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My wooden badge was delicious.

pisskop

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Too weak.  You would think they would dig under them or even make a ram... but too lazy as well.

Why does no goblin replace the goblin mount trainer when he dies?
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

GoombaGeek

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"Sir, that giant toad is just sitting there! We need to put a saddle on it or else it's just wasted space!"
"Ah, do you want to go near the gigantic predatory amphibian?"
"Never mind, let's leave it there! I'm sure someone else will claim it eventually!"

Will dwarves ever invent the bicycle, then weaponize it? "DING DING HERE COMES THE COVERED-IN-SERRATED-ADAMANTINE-BLADES FIXED-GEAR EXPRESS"
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Neyvn

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"Sir, that giant toad is just sitting there! We need to put a saddle on it or else it's just wasted space!"
"Ah, do you want to go near the gigantic predatory amphibian?"
"Never mind, let's leave it there! I'm sure someone else will claim it eventually!"

Will dwarves ever invent the bicycle, then weaponize it? "DING DING HERE COMES THE COVERED-IN-SERRATED-ADAMANTINE-BLADES FIXED-GEAR EXPRESS"
Wait? Haven't they done that already???

Why is it that the Dwarves do not keep my attention but generating worlds does???
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Quote from: Ubiq
Broker: Wasn't there an ambush squad here just a second ago?
Merchant: I don't know what you're talking about. Do you want this goblin ankle bone amulet or not?
My LIVESTREAM. I'm Aussie, so not everything is clean. Least it works...

pisskop

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Because world gen is the awesomist part of this game, imo.
I see drunk midgets every day outside my own home.

Why are the humes and dorfs so dutch-rubby?
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

Blizzlord

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Because the elves are not, and everything distancing you from elves is good practice.

What do the dwarven ghosts do to be able to stick around and haunt people (and their socks)?
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Quote from: a Swedish electronics teacher
In Sweden, digital electronics is considered unteachable. That is why you are not being taught about it.
Most attempts of sesquipedalian loquaciousness on the internet will most likely end up in egregious delusions of eloquence. Finagle's law commands it!

GoombaGeek

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THE AFTERLIFE

"Welcome, um... Urist McPotashmaker! Just step through the Adamantine Gates to enter Dwarven Heaven, land of unlimited plump helmets!"
"Plump helmets? Fuck this! Those things taste like shit! I'm leaving!"
*jumps off cloud*

Urist McPotashmaker has risen and is haunting the fortress!

"Onoez! Make a memorial to him!"

1 memorial slab later

"NO DON'T SEND ME BACK DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY EAT UP THEREEEEEE~"

Okay, so how can dwarves eat raw meat immediately after it gets cut off the kitten?
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pisskop

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The alcohol in their stomache acid(all bodily fluids found in dwarves have alchohol) cooks it.

How can dwarfs be sooo... thoughtless and end up dying from commonsense things?
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Pisskop's Reblancing Mod - A C:DDA Mod to make life a little (lot) more brutal!
drealmerz7 - pk was supreme pick for traitor too I think, and because of how it all is and pk is he is just feeding into the trollfucking so well.
PKs DF Mod!

Urist_McDrowner

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How does a bronze colossus use a staircase made for dorfs?
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Monk321654

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Whoo! Double Questions!

How can dwarfs be sooo... thoughtless and end up dying from commonsense things?

Dwarven minds prioritize things differently.
"Oh, a zombie bear? Well, we should keep those socks outside safe."

How does a bronze colossus use a staircase made for dorfs?

Quantum Space compression. Everything looks about the same size, but have very different masses.
A Bronze Colossus looks like a regular old human in height, maybe a bit taller, but they have the mass of one fourth the statue of liberty.


Why are there only Bronze Colossi? Why not Iron Giants?
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This is a side-effect of dwarven animal training (hit animal with hammer until it forgets that it hates you, then lovingly cuddle it).

I'm not your average Bay12er. I care about my drunken midgets.

Mura

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There were, but then they got mutually taken down by F-16s. Which is also why nobody trusts flying machines anymore.

How do minecart physics work?
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I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Blizzlord

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They don't. This is because they were created when Armok smashed together a string of adamantine with a boulder of slade, warping quantum physics so minecart can exist. This is also the reason that the game crashes when dwarves try to collide a minecart of adamantine with one of slade. It reverses the process and makes it so that minecarts cease to fit in with the vague physics model of the world, which destroys it.

Why is everyone so obsessed with socks?
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Quote from: a Swedish electronics teacher
In Sweden, digital electronics is considered unteachable. That is why you are not being taught about it.
Most attempts of sesquipedalian loquaciousness on the internet will most likely end up in egregious delusions of eloquence. Finagle's law commands it!

Urist_McDrowner

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Underground blisters are a bear.

How can horses support a caged Elephant and a cave dragon?
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Graknorke

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Horsey gyms in the human villages. The cage duty is final preparations for the Strongest Horse Competition.

If the entire world is one big plate over magma, held down by adamantine tethers, where did the mountains come from?
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