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Author Topic: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world  (Read 5199 times)

BloodBeard

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Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« on: August 03, 2011, 11:46:42 pm »
This is by far the funniest artifact i've ever had a dwarf make...



Seriously? That is one big "Fuck you" from top to bottom. A LEAD bed, with SPIKES of lead, gold, fungus and bone. Touchedthorn? Damn straight.

Adding to the "Fuck you"s are the images crafted onto it. The dwarf who made it appears to have intended nobles to sleep on it, which is awesome, but he had the audacity to put a fucking cloud on it. As if that will magically make it seem more comfortable. Geez.


Here's it's weight and worth. Good luck to the dwarf who has to haul it up those 20 someodd flights of stairs.
Spoiler: Touchedthorn (click to show/hide)
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GhostSade

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2011, 11:48:41 pm »
Quote from: BloodBeard on August 03, 2011, 11:46:42 pm
This is by far the funniest artifact i've ever had a dwarf make...



Seriously? That is one big "Fuck you" from top to bottom. A LEAD bed, with SPIKES of lead, gold, fungus and bone. Touchedthorn? Damn straight.

Adding to the "Fuck you"s are the images crafted onto it. The dwarf who made it appears to have intended nobles to sleep on it, which is awesome, but he had the audacity to put a fucking cloud on it. As if that will magically make it seem more comfortable. Geez.


Here's it's weight and worth. Good luck to the dwarf who has to haul it up those 20 someodd flights of stairs.
Spoiler: Touchedthorn (click to show/hide)
Gotta love Dorfortress.
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nogoodnames

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2011, 11:53:37 pm »
It's like a bed of nails, there are so many spikes that the pressure gets spread out enough to make it comfortable.
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Lectorog

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2011, 12:01:52 am »
I don't know. Sheep wool is pretty comfortable.
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sonerohi

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2011, 01:29:06 am »
Quote from: Lectorog on August 04, 2011, 12:01:52 am
I don't know. Sheep wool is pretty comfortable.

"you know, this scarf is so comfy I don't even notice the stab wounds".
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Berserkenstein

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2011, 02:01:25 am »
Quote from: Lectorog on August 04, 2011, 12:01:52 am
I don't know. Sheep wool is pretty comfortable.
Wool is really itchy, I bet it's the wiry kinda wool that digs into your skin.
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Oliolli

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2011, 02:02:15 am »
Who says the spikes are on top of the bed? Maybe they're all on the sides.
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CinnibarMan

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2011, 03:40:23 am »
This is pretty much the worst thing for a dwarf to sleep on, just shy of an enraged giant badger bull.

But not by much.
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dr_random

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2011, 05:15:58 am »
Sounds like an awesome bed to sleep in. Goblin bone? A picture of a cloud? That's actually quite tasteful. And it has wool for the comfy parts.
Being lead, it'll also not creak.
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Kay12

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2011, 05:20:19 am »
One of the funniest artifacts I've had... a steel mace. What was funny about it? It was just a steel mace. No decorations AFAIK. Can't check because it vanished somewhere (cutebold or whatever).
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Lezard

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2011, 09:20:58 am »
Who's the lucky dwarf that's getting it? you don't happen to have the queen who's engraved on it do you ? It would be nice to let her sleep with herself.
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ledgekindred

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2011, 10:26:38 am »
I prefer the idea that the dwarf who made it decided to make a beautiful (albeit lead) bed, then decided to cover the sleeping area itself with the spikes.  Then I imagined the ecstatic dwarf who made it showing it to the lucky dwarf who is going to get it in their room:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Quote from: Starhero on February 11, 2012, 10:31:23 am
I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
Quote from: Kestrel on April 23, 2011, 08:12:44 pm
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
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Number4

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2011, 11:42:11 am »
I'd imagine the spikes are at the sides to piss off anyone trying to wake up our dorf. And the cloud simply rules. BEST BED EVER!
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Quote from: LemonFrosted on July 07, 2011, 11:20:19 am
Thanks for the suggestion, but Number4 is correct: [...] it would be easier and more predictable to just be a racist.

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VerdantSF

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Re: Touchedthorn, the most uncomfortable bed in the world
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2011, 12:07:20 pm »
Now that is just an epic combination of name and description!
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