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Author Topic: Dwarven... "Child Care"  (Read 170673 times)

Girlinhat

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2011, 10:57:54 pm »

Vermin do not engage in combat, ever.  I personally prefer blue peafowl, as I consider this a bit symbolic in some manner.  Any non-grazing animal will suffice.  Cats?

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2011, 10:59:01 pm »

Groundhogs?
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Knarfle

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #17 on: August 13, 2011, 11:04:02 pm »

If only this baby were a little tougher...but I think it's mother only dropped it because it was on fire.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Trying this out now, engraving the room with inspirational engravings.


Oh hey, what a coincidence...my local civilization is called "The Infamous Chamber". This hole...it was made for me...
« Last Edit: August 13, 2011, 11:20:58 pm by Knarfle »
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What do you get when a Rhesus monkey steps on a weapons trap loaded with maximum adamantine blades?

Rhesus Pieces!

Weary Exile

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #18 on: August 13, 2011, 11:06:02 pm »

It's like regular childcare, except with more dogs, and less care.

Mind if I sig this?
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It's like regular childcare, except with more dogs, and less care.

Girlinhat

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #19 on: August 13, 2011, 11:07:23 pm »

Everything I say is sigged.  There's no reason to ask if it's ok anymore!

Plank of Wood

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #20 on: August 13, 2011, 11:29:47 pm »

Hmm, is it still possible to melt off all of the fat on the Dwarf's body using Dwarf Central heating, essentially making them fireproof?


I mean, if we're going to traumatise them, we may as well make them hideous freaks too.
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The science of burning innocent children could be perfected into clockwork.
They're like little bearded corals.

Knarfle

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #21 on: August 13, 2011, 11:37:50 pm »

I have a useless cook migrant who is actually sleeping on top of the hatch. This is really aggravating.


  I already have a tame fox in the room. Foxes are smaller than dogs, right?
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What do you get when a Rhesus monkey steps on a weapons trap loaded with maximum adamantine blades?

Rhesus Pieces!

DrKillPatient

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #22 on: August 13, 2011, 11:39:59 pm »

This is as bad as, if not worse, than the infant-drop strategy. 12 years of torture in a pit full of angry dogs.

...I like it. In fact, you could leave the walls out, and elevate the platform, so that unsuccessful children who are poor at blocking and dodging (in the right direction) get knocked into the dining hall anyway!

EDIT: or perhaps onto other platforms with increasingly threatening creatures, so you can watch the kids bounce from platform to platform, being batted around by rabid cave crocodiles, until they land hundreds of feet below in the dining hall.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2011, 11:45:11 pm by DrKillPatient »
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"Frankly, if you're hanging out with people who tell you to use v.begin() instead of &v[0], you need to rethink your social circle."
    Scott Meyers, Effective STL

I've written bash scripts to make using DF easier under Linux!

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #23 on: August 13, 2011, 11:44:18 pm »

Failures get returned to a future as cheap labor?
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

DrKillPatient

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #24 on: August 13, 2011, 11:46:49 pm »

Say, dropping a kid onto a catapult just as it fires won't hurl it, right? On the off chance it does, you could wait for the kids to mature, and immediately fire them at a siege to let the poor dwarf take out its anger on some fleshy, unbearded targets.
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"Frankly, if you're hanging out with people who tell you to use v.begin() instead of &v[0], you need to rethink your social circle."
    Scott Meyers, Effective STL

I've written bash scripts to make using DF easier under Linux!

DoctorMonch

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #25 on: August 13, 2011, 11:47:08 pm »

When a mother gives birth in our fortress, the guards come and take the child away. The mother may protest, but the child no longer belongs to her, but the fortress.

The child is placed alone in a pit filled with crazed animals, along with food and drink fit for a king. Every few years, the "Invigorator" is powered, and searing flames purge their bodies of all weakness. Only the truly worthy live through the trials.

At the dawn of the 12th year that the child has been in the chamber, the gates are opened, and a single, burnt, sociopathic, killing machine is released into the fortress. They are lead to their private barracks where they take their rightful place as an elite warrior of fable.

Weapons fit for the gods themselves are forged in their name.

Armor is not necessary, for no weapon can pierce their skin.

They are the first, and last line of defense.

They are the Children Of Armok.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2011, 11:48:52 pm by DoctorMonch »
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Don't make me Shift-A>Enter>a>Enter>Enter.

Plank of Wood

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #26 on: August 13, 2011, 11:54:54 pm »

Good god, over time we would transform Dwarfs into husks of their former selves - horribly deformed and degraded by their hellish experiments, abhorred by civilised beings. They were fearless in combat, almost immune to almost all attack and yet were incredibly violent and hateful. Eventually they would seal themselves off from the world, going deeper and deeper until they finally sealed off their world from the surface using the very blue metal they sought after.

Armok help whoever disturbs them.
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The science of burning innocent children could be perfected into clockwork.
They're like little bearded corals.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #27 on: August 14, 2011, 12:12:47 am »

Best HFS origin story ever. Screw the consequences, we have supersoldiers to make.
Logged
Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Nil Eyeglazed

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #28 on: August 14, 2011, 12:14:28 am »

Not to be a spoilsport, because this is a great idea, but:

I think you'd probably see half of them go crazy from failed moods.

You can get away with a large area, btw, if you make a single tile large meeting area.  They'll still fight.
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He he he.  Yeah, it almost looks done...  alas...  those who are in your teens, hold on until your twenties...  those in your twenties, your thirties...  others, cling to life as you are able...<P>It should be pretty fun though.

Plank of Wood

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Re: Dwarven... "Child Care"
« Reply #29 on: August 14, 2011, 12:18:49 am »

Best HFS origin story ever. Screw the consequences, we have supersoldiers to make.

Urist McLeader stopped eating Kitten Tripe : Creating God


I can imagine the goblins showing up with kidnapped human soldiers by their side, looking at the 12 year old horribly deformed kids and thinking "Woah, that's a bit too much, don't you think?"
« Last Edit: August 14, 2011, 12:38:21 am by Plank of Wood »
Logged
The science of burning innocent children could be perfected into clockwork.
They're like little bearded corals.
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