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Author Topic: Have you guys ever thought of things we do... from the dwarf's point of view?  (Read 3137 times)

Deus Machina

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Alright, this is sort of a sleep-deprived thought, but I just thought it amusing, to put the the situations we subject dorfs to, into their point of view.

For instance, I just finished my first danger room. So the first thing I do is tell a squad to go there, stuffing 10 dorfs into a 1x4 room.

"So... what are we doing here, anyway?"
"Some kina trainin' exorcism, 'e said."
"Exercise, ya mean."
"No' in 'ere, there's nay room."
"Dunno, I had to leave my dog in the hall."
"I don' trus' this. I'ma go gedda drink... Oi, the door's locked."
"Huh? Whadda mean, the door's--OH COR!"

And thus begins the dodge training, as a broom closet packed with spears and midgets clammering over each other raises an unholy racket of clattering armor and cursing, and complaints of Urist's beard getting tangled with Catten's.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2011, 06:32:01 am by Deus Machina »
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Mystery

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Made me laugh.

"The goblins are comin'. Mason, grab that there chalk and seal the passageway"
"I dunno, there is a barrel of beer two floors down with me name on it."
"True enough i guess, Well i best be going to clean up that dead rat outside"
"Weird, all these doors is locked"
-Grabs chalk blocks, seals off entrance-
"Bloody good job there mason!"
"Oh shit, it didn't work. Those goblins are still 'ere"
"You sure i can't see them"
Urist Mc'mason was killed by goblin spearman

This one would be equal to miners making deliberate cave ins standing on the wrong side.


 



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Rushmik

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What about from the goblin's point of view?

"The gate's been raised general, but the drunkards left that tight corridor wide open"
"Gahaha, good work. Goblins, march!"
*Goblin one is swiftly diced into a fine mince*
"Who's next!? Those dwarven artifacts ain't gonna rob themselves"
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Sandrew

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What about from the goblin's point of view?

"The gate's been raised general, but the drunkards left that tight corridor wide open"
"Gahaha, good work. Goblins, march!"
*Goblin one is swiftly diced into a fine mince*
"Who's next!? Those dwarven artifacts ain't gonna rob themselves"

Reminds me of that comic where an entire goblin siege is repelled by not only a locked door, but a three foot wide ditch as well.
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geail

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I love looking at everything from the gobbo's perspective.

"Oi Frank!"
"Yeah Jim?"
"What the hell is that?" (pointing to my giant, clear glass lava storage facility directly above my entrance)
"Looks like lava Jim.  You know dwarves love there lava."
"But why is it outside?  The dwarves don't even come outside."
"You know Jim, you always ask these questions, but the fact of the matter is that we need to get into that fortress.  There may be a giant vat of lava over the entrance, but maybe it is just dwarven scenery."
"I seriously hope you are right Frank."

Frank is never right.
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Kay12

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I've been thinking about it all right. I've been thinking about those few elf symphatizers getting angry when I give new wood cutting designations. I've been thinking about the workings of my execution chamber. I've been thinking about those goblins waiting to be executed ("We demand to see our lawyer!") and I've been thinking about that peasant who finds himself to be the new baron of Bronzecalm...
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Iapetus

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What about from the goblin's point of view?

"The gate's been raised general, but the drunkards left that tight corridor wide open"
"Gahaha, good work. Goblins, march!"
*Goblin one is swiftly diced into a fine mince*
"Who's next!? Those dwarven artifacts ain't gonna rob themselves"

"Alright lads, onwards to plunder and glory!"
"Where's the entrance, boss?"
"It's that narrow gap in the wall there.  The one filled will piles of goblin body parts, blood, and vomit."

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Engraved on the floor is a well-designed image of a kobold and a carp.  The kobold is making a plaintive gesture.  The carp is laughing.

Urist Da Vinci

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The human trade caravan worked its way up the slope to the rock face where the dwarven fortress awaited. The entrance to the fort was a tunnel on the far side of a steep artificial pit. Holtar, the lead caravan guard, paused at the edge of the pit when he noticed the rotting goblin bodies impaled on spears far below. The caravan crossed a narrow bridge, passing a smelly blood-soaked dwarf who was cleaning circular saw blades with his beard. Once inside, the group stopped at the trade depot, where a group of dust-covered dwarves carrying bins of trade goods awaited. The dwarves emptied the contents of their bins on the ground and left, leaving a mound of rock mugs as high as the pack horse.

Carnes

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I envision the Baron signing the approval papers to pipe magma into his royal bed chamber.  "You want us to pipe the magma 'ere?  Eh, ok.. you's the boss.  Also, we're still lookin' for rose gold to make dem flasks with."
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Gabeux

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From my recent goblin siege, with 2 squads (leaders: a master swordsgobbo and a master leashergobbo) and 1 squad of trolls (my first ever siege including a squad of trolls) -- let's say those gobbos learned human military language:

Swordsgobbo: "We take the rear entrance along with the trolls, and the Leasher will led our maceman into the front entrance!"
Gobbo cannon-fodder: "Sir, both entrances are filled with blood. We had reports of traps on these corridors, let's just wait in front of their gates until they send their military against us and..."
Swordsgobbo: "Shut up you fool! The trolls are all unconscious, there are crossbow dorfs on that tower, CHAARGE!"

*Swordsgobbo leader gets captured by cage trap*

Swordsgobbo: "Ha! I got captured but I can still see their traps, if you all rush together you can get through their defenses, rush!"
*Gobbos stand still, serving as a live shooting-gallery to my 2-full noob marksdwarves squads"

Meanwhile, on the east flank:
Leashergobbo: "The west flank is pinned, rush the front entrance!"
*Leashergobbo dodges traps* "Hahaha!" *gets captured by a cage trap!"
Leashergobbo: "NO!! MACEMAN, RUSH THAT GATE!"
*Maceman body parts fly everywhere due to overkilling weapon traps"

*Military dwarves kill remaining invaders*

...

At the animal prison:
Leashergobbo: "Next time we bring flying creatures."
Swordsgobbo: "Maybe we shouldn't rush those gates. Next time we can also --"
*Gobbos thrown into a pit, landing in a silver spike and minced by military*

There won't be a next time for those.
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It honestly feels like a lot of their problems came from the fact that their entire team was composed of cats, and the people who were supposed to be herding them were also cats.

Eddren

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Mysterious Voice in every Dwarfs Head: Urist Mcminer..
Urist Mcminer: Yes, boss?
MVieDH: Go dig out the Arena. Don't worry about planning; you will get hallucinations which will tell you exactly how to dig it out.
Urist McMiner: "Err..Okay, boss."
Urist McCheeseengraver: "What, did the boss tell you to do something?"
Urist McMiner: "Yeah, something about hallucinations and mining."
A part of the Cavern has collapsed!
Urist McMiner has been struck down!
MVieDH: *** ******!!! I told you to dig it out the way the HALLUCINATION TOLD YOU TO!
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Ah, my dwarven heart beats with fierce pride for this.  I can't take it anymore!  I have to go do something profound.

lanceleoghauni

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Beard Tangling? Is that some sort of Dwarven Euphemism for sex?
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"Mayor, the Nobles are complaining again!"

*Mayor facepalms*

"pull the lever of magmatic happiness"

Jake

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I do so fairly regularly, as it happens. That's probably the reason I try and take such good care of them all, even the nobles who mandate something ridiculous.

And I like to think my dorfs understand the purpose of the short stretch of wall with a raising bridge to nowhere in particular on top of it, which is lifted whenever the fortress is besieged.
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Never used Dwarf Therapist, mods or tilesets in all the years I've been playing.
I think Toady's confusing interface better simulates the experience of a bunch of disorganised drunken dwarves running a fort.

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Ubiq

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Urist McMilitiaCommander (of the Channelappeard McMilitiaCommanders): Right then. Here's the situation, lads. We have a hundred goblins and twenty trolls outside. Fifteen of the goblins are mounted, at least twenty of them are archers, and the leader is a firebreathing Falcon Demon.
It's just the seven of us against them and three of you are raw recruits. We should have cage and stone traps, but our mechanic has been on his last break since the 17th of Granite so a lot of them aren't loaded.
I won't pretend the situation ain't desperate, but this fort is counting on us and I expect every dwarf among us to do his duty to the last. Urist there is missing his upper arm and Urist here is missing his skin. I won't hear no complaints about minor injuries like that. You've not heard me complain about that donkey shattering my skull last week in the dining room, have you?
Urists: Nah.
Urist McMilitiaCommander: Aye, and you never will. We're dwarves, not elves or humans and we don't complain about that sort of thing. I've engraved your assignments on the wall over there; make sure that you check it before you leave. Now, do I have any questions?
Urist McRawRecruit: Several.
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Necro910

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"Hey Urist..."
"Yeah Urist?"
"Why were we told to pull this lever with the door locked behind us?"
"Dunno, Dun care. Just pull the damn lever, Urist."
"But Urist, who even told us to do this? What possible good could pulling a lever do?"
"URIST... JUST PULL THE DAMN..."
"Zzzzz..."
"Fine. I'll do it. *pulls lever* *door melts due to obvious causes* I'm thirsty."
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