Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[peskyninja]

MILK... CEREAL... IN... LUNGS!

[Necro910]

MILK... CEREAL... IN... LUNGS!

Kinky.

[DwarfOfDefeat]

Urist Mcleader: weve made it to the promised land! theres supposed to be a cave were gonna settle into around here some where...
*the cave generator failed to generate the cave but not the creatures.*
Urist Mcdwarf: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?*points to fantasy beast*
Urist Mcfemale: looks like a camel... made of black opal... why is standing on its hind legs?
FB camel: I AM THE CAMEL KING RAAAAAHHHH!
Urist Mcredshirt: you wouldnt even know how to break a spine even if yo- *bones braking*
AGH! MY SPINE!

Urist mcredshirt has been struck down!

[Agent_Irons]

The elves and humans all tell tales of that one, horrible, odd fortress. The one that buys weapons, armor, and vegetables only. They pay for their goods with platinum statues and piles of skulls. Goblin skulls, Tigerman skulls, naga skulls, Troll skulls. And what's worse, the "pork" roasts that sometimes, only sometimes, still have bits of  kobold-make armor in them.

But the platinum is worked so well, and the dwarves sell it so cheaply, it's still worth crossing the killing fields to get to them.

[Necro910]

The elves and humans all tell tales of that one, horrible, odd fortress. The one that buys weapons, armor, and vegetables only. They pay for their goods with platinum statues and piles of skulls. Goblin skulls, Tigerman skulls, naga skulls, Troll skulls. And what's worse, the "pork" roasts that sometimes, only sometimes, still have bits of  kobold-make armor in them.

But the platinum is worked so well, and the dwarves sell it so cheaply, it's still worth crossing the killing fields to get to them.

Elf: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE

[DwarfOfDefeat]

im failing to see the reference of an elf screaming cheese.

[Necro910]

im failing to see the reference of an elf screaming cheese.

Elves must be magma'd.

Cheese makers must be magma'd.

What I was going on about was the humans were willing to risk their lives for platinum statues. The elves, however, are morons. Cheese seems like a good example.

[Eoganachta]

15th Obsidion 1055 The Age of Dwarves:
Urist McManager: "Urist McHauler, due to recent advancements in the alteration of Time-Space and Reality in general we are now able to mine that hellish stone Slade. Already our foward mining operations have exervated a sizeable amount of the stuff. It is your job to haul the rough stone up to the masony stockpile for processing. Do you understand?"
Urist McHauler: "Yes, Sir!"
Urist McManager: "Right. Now, due to certain propeties of this here Slade we have set up resupply stops along the way. Beds, breakfast, and booze will be provided at said stops. Understand?"
Urist McHauler: "Yes, Sir!"
Urist McHauler wanders down to Hell, meets his brother who is cleaning Deadly Dust off his armour, and reports to the Foward Hell Slade Quarry. He picks up his load and remarks on its weight.

7th Granite 1694 The Age of Short Elves:
Urist McHauler, who has aged considerably, reaches Masony Stockpile with his first rough cutting of Slade. Notices that they are deserted.
Urist McHauler: "Hey, guys? I've got the Slade?"
Two figures decends a nearby stairwell. Both are short, stocky, bearded, and have pointy ears.
First Figure: "Who are you?"
Urist McHauler: "I am Urist McHauler. I have brought up the first batch of Slade."
Second Figure: "What is Slade?"
Urist McHauler: "The stone. You know, from Hell. How are you?"
Urist McHauler sees pointed ears.
Urist McHauler: "Elves! Elves are in the fortress! To arms! To arms!"
First Figure: "We're not Elves. The Elves are all dead."
Urist McHauler: "Ah, that's good..."
First Figure: "After interbreeding into the local Dwarven populations."
Urist McHauler cancels polite conversation: Depressed.
Urist McHauler has gone insane!
Elf-Dwarf Hybrid One has been struck down.
Urist McHauler strikes Elf-Dwarf Hybrid Two in the face with Rough Slade Boulder.
Elf-Dwarf Hybrid Two has been struck down.
Magma Floodgate has been destroyed by Urist McHauler.
Your Fortress has crumbled to its end.