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Western Roman Invasion : "Attila the Douche" (End)
Stworca:
Before we start, let us give Megaman a standing ovation. I see you, unwashed viewer, not giving this worthy soul the respect he deserves! Let us not fail his expectations, and avenge them corrupted, backstabbing Romans from the Western Empire. It is a shame that he has abandoned the LP of WRE, but he will raise hell as them Spaniards for sure!
Now let's roshambo all those sneaky, merciless manipulators that have forced me into playing Barbarian Invasion.
Done and Done.
Lastly, let me point out that i only once played BI, as Franks. My knowledge of WRE units comes from the OTHER side of the barrier, and also a few custom battles. No campaign as WRE played... until now! I do know a bit of history, and did watch Megaman's run.
P.S. Don't worry about Morrowind.
Now.. Ahoy!
Spoiler: Index (click to show/hide)P0 : In this post.
P1 : No Health Care for WRE
P2 : Fixing the Economy
P3 : Them Rebels
P4 : Race Against Time
P5 : Board is Set
P6 : Come at me, bro
P7 : Fall of Western Roman Empire
P8 : Et tu, Brute?
P9 : One snake, one boss, one Roman Empire
P10 : Victory is not enough
P11 : Sissybur & Friends
P12 : Attila the Douche (End)
Spoiler: What are we up against...? (click to show/hide)Western Roman Empire was the first one to fall. With constant revolts, wide spread corruption and countless foes. Not to mention the damn barbarians, running all over their lawn. All i see is this single douchebag though..
Did he leave his army at the tavern in Germany? Silly barbaria--- Oh, i see.
BI has introduced night battles in campaign, as well as the damn "Hordes". Some factions start as a horde, some turn into one when they lose the last city. That's right. Once you conquer the last, stinking, ruined wasteland of a village belonging to Franks, Longobards or others, They will suddenly turn into a 5-9 stack large army..
But before we see these joyful events, we need to pick a difficulty level. The campaign will without doubt be ball-breaking, thus the only difficulty one can pick, is..
It appears that we will have to FIGHT the Eastern Roman Empire at some point, they have a region that we require. I bet They need to capture Rome to win. Touche.
Surprisingly, we get no faction intro. This can only mean that WRE is truly in shambles. Even Spain could afford an Intro!
We are greeted with a few obvious statements.
Thank you for pointing that out, any more useless info--
Oh, that actually IS useful.
Let us hope that Vandals and Huns will wipe each other out before They get close to our lands. Of course, knowing our luck Vandals and Huns will forge an alliance with ERE and gangbang on us. That's what happened to Spain after all.
Then again, we WON as Spain! Yay!
Last message that we receive says that..
Pagan?! Who the hell is Paga-- Oh, we are nearly all Pagan, with a few core cities Christian, and the damn Emperor (with all the negative traits the world has ever seen) is also Christian. Still, i doubt it will be a problem for us. After all, Roman Empire is..
..Balls.
Here i was actually thinking what the hell to do. I'm a "Avoid getting into shit" not "Turn coal into diamonds" strategist :-\
(Also, it appears that Megaman was using a different patch for the game?)
But we shall prevail!
Zrk2:
Is there anywhere that is revolting and generating negative income?!
What could possibly go wrong?
Stworca:
Spoiler: Harsh Budget Cuts (click to show/hide)It took me about twenty minutes to plan out what to do. This way i have exhausted all my brain processing power for this year. Here is what i've decided to ruin fix, to get WRE running again.
We started with cities in a horrible, ball-breaking state. Salamantica is a perfect example.
We have 1000 gold, and our most likely income is negative. Thus no garrison reinforcements are avaliable. All cities that will have 70% or less public order will REBEL in 2 turns. There are plenty cities in Salamantica's stake. And by plenty i mean nearly ALL of them.
So how do we fix it?
We don't. Salamantica, Salona, Lepcis Magna, Aquincum, Avernicum and the Northern British province get treated the same way as our example : Carthago Nova.
The entire garrison DISBANDED! Every single building destroyed. Governor evacuated to the nearest city that i wish to TRY to save...
and a bonus : Christian Shrine quened for each of those "lost causes".
Almost entire navy of ours is also disbanded. With two exceptions, which i will mention in a bit.
But before we got rid of the Spanish "Fleet" (one rotting, ruined ship) we shipped (get it? SHIPped? Because we used.. I HATE YOU!) our diplomat to the hostile, sandy wastelands of Northern Africa. Our useless treasure maps need to be sold!
Only two of our garrisons were evacuated entirely, instead of being abandoned. The first one is Aquincium. The second : Northern Britain. Why? Well.. THOSE DAMN CELTS NEED TO BE WIPED OUT!
In other news, we also abandon Carthago Nova. It serves more purposes. A buffer state against ERE.. And it allows us focusing on Carthage in the war against Berbers.
Once again, general evacuated, buildings razed, garrison disbanded.. And the navy north of it sent to Syracuse.
Why Syracuse? What has happened with the Aquincium garrison? How did i spend the cash? If you figure this one out yourself - kudos.
If not, all questions will be answered in turn 2!
One problem needs to be solved publicly though. Our beloved emperor.. Let us look at his traits, shall we? -1 to law, -10% to tax income.
-2 Management, Further -20% tax income.
And as a bonus : -30% to trade income.
He is governing our CAPITAL, and thus is one of the major problems that the empire is facing. Let us look around to find a better suited ruler, shall we? Is there a happy city with positive income? Why... YES! The shithole known as Caralis is holding a genius!
Aside from the 6 management points that one should notice right away, he has.. 20% BONUS on trade income.
-2 to squalor (it may be a bit problematic for some cities - like carthage - but for others it's godsend!) which basically means +2 to happiness and pop. growth.
+2 to law. (even more happiness)
10% discount on constructions. (Some high end buildings cost 7 to 10 grand..)
and ANOTHER +2 to law. If this man was the emperor, WRE would stretch from Spain to China.
- What should be done with him, sir?
What do you mean, you fool!? SEND HIM TO ROME! Also, i make him the faction Heir.
Spoiler: Results of My Machinations (click to show/hide)Our beloved emperor has died. HELL YES! It's like Christmas! With his death the entire empire has turned into a happy place. (I would be so pissed if i didn't promote the heir in time...)
Eleven cities are breaking my balls, but only one of them is a serious problem. Mediolanum. We can not afford loosing it!
Why do we have so much gold? Well.. We recruited only the very best, elite units to replace all the useless mongrels that we've disbanded.
As for construction quenes. Well.. No surprises here. (Once again, if you figure out why i'm doing this : Kudos to you)
There are STILL some pissed cities that i do NOT want to lose. Hopefully i'll fix it in time... Hopefully.
Now i'm going to answer the question regarding Syracuse :
Syracuse had 5 great units garrisoned, while being isolated from every foe. At the same time Carthage WILL be attacked by Berbers sooner or later, and have a terrible joke of a garrison. Thus..
In the northern wasteland (Aka : Britain) our army has reached the Celtic Capital. If we waited longer, They would send troops from Ireland and with our cities revolting left and right.. Yeah, you get the idea.
Armenia has taught me one thing, and that is : Selling useless, treasure maps, is FUN!
Life has taught me, that lying is also fun. Of COURSE we will move our armies across the europe and strike Sarmatians for 500 denarii..
We are sieging Celts, right? Right.
Are there any other nearby foes, that will attack us very soon? Why.. Yes! Yes, there are. They are called Alemanni.
We hate them by default.
The AI has made a critical mistake of sending their field army to the east, and thus..
While playing Franks i've discovered that Alemanni have no Horde ability. Their fate is sealed.
Speaking of Franks.. They too buy crap They don't need. Somebody call Gaius Billus Maysus.
The last question that i've left unanswered was regarding the garrison from Aquincum. Why would i want to spare them? The units aren't cheap after all, and the city of.. ENOUGH WITH THE BUILD UP.
There are a few independent cities, and guess what..? No WALLS. Numidia vs Carthage all over again.
Our general has one star, and the controls of BI are different than those of RTW (left and right mouse clicking confuses me!)
But these are pathetic independent mongrels. Have an archer-POV screenshot, dear viewer!
The tactic here is simple. Notice the cavalry units on the right side. The enemy has to chose : Fight our strong, heavy cavalry, and get annihilated by arrows from the side.. Or attack our archers, and get charged by our cavalry.
And so Western Roman Empire has a source of Income! Looting!
Sadly, they don't want us in Campus Quadi.. At this point it is IMPOSSIBLE to hold the city without an army that we don't even have.
I treat this city the same way i did all the other "lost causes". Raze everything, build a Christian shrine. Then our army moves north.
Everything is going great, so i hit "End Turn" and..
Peanut Butter Rebel Time..
It was bound to happen. Your provinces WILL rebel. But let us see which ones did we lose.. shall we?
"1" are cities that we will easily retake.
"2" are cities that have tier 4 walls, and will require more effort, but are relatively safe to take (only we can take them at the moment)
"3" are cities that i do not plan on retaking. These are buffer states against powerful foes.
The rebellion HAD to happen, but it is WE who have decided which ones will rebel, and which ones will remain in our hands.
Aside from the obvious loss of provinces and a severe hit to our income, we are "in control" of the game for now.
"X" are where our "Armies" are positioned.
"Y" are cities with strong garrisons
"R" are the cities we have to control in order to win the game
Naturally i predict 10 stack strong armies arriving in 5 turns.. Because the game hates us, viewers. It really does.
Despite all my magic, after the rebellion, our income is negative, and we ran all out of buildings to destroy..
But fixing it will have to wait until next update!
And so ends the first update :D
I haven't covered it, even though i should have : We are going to destroy the market and public baths in Carthage to reduce the population growth. It's only temporary. The town WILL rebel sooner or later. With the Berbers on their way to break our balls, we can not afford it, so i shall delay the inevitable as long as i can.
Any questions you may have ; I shall answer.
Any suggestions of yours : I will at least read.
Any pies you bake i shall eat.
Regards
Zrk2:
I hope you appreciate the cruel irony of running the WRE like a horde.
Stworca:
--- Quote from: Zrk2 on August 28, 2011, 04:51:09 pm ---I hope you appreciate the cruel irony of running the WRE like a horde.
--- End quote ---
It's more of a scorched earth policy, like the Soviets did during WW2. If we can not hold the ground, we shall make it as unpleasant as possible for everyone that may decide to take it. Especially for the Illyrian provinces of Salona and Aquin..bla.. Hordes will go through there. If i held the useless, rebellious cities, i would lose much more than is to gain.
Besides, for WRE some provinces WILL rebel no matter what you do. There is no way of keeping them all. So chosing which ones will "go" is the best answer that i had to that.
With all the berserking provinces gone, i have something that can be called "Stability".
Also : Is that an issue? Am i crossing ze line 'ere?
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