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[forsaken1111]

Yes! We are all that is !!ALCHEMY!!

Now quickly mix a small amount of red, green and yellow chemical in an empty glass pitcher (after cleaning it, of course) and stir it with a piece of soft, grey, heavy metal tied to a stick.

[Armok]

> taste the red stuff.

[forsaken1111]

> taste the red stuff.

This too.

[Monkeyfacedprickleback]

Draw a transmutation circle. Transmute dirt floor into stone. Curse elric brothers.

I couldn't resist :/

[Hubris Incalculable]

Draw a transmutation circle. Transmute dirt floor into stone. Curse elric brothers.

I couldn't resist :/

Wha...? I don't get it.

[forsaken1111]

Draw a transmutation circle. Transmute dirt floor into stone. Curse elric brothers.

I couldn't resist :/

Wha...? I don't get it.

He is (badly) referencing Full Metal Alchemist, an anime series.

[Ahra]

eeuuugh dont tell me you watched that crap anime (unless its brotherhood, if not repent.)

[forsaken1111]

back on topic...

[Demonic Spoon]

You light a small coal fire on the dirt floor of your ground-floor room, and heave the cauldron onto it. Putting your protective equipment back on, you schlop the metal-in-a-latrine into the pot. After about ten minutes, the mix begins to simmer. You stir it a few times with a stick you found in the street to prevent it from burning to the bottom of the pot. It's really beginning to smell foul in here. You wait about half an hour but nothing has happened, except for this room becoming unlivable. You are beginning to feel really glad that you haven't eaten in four hours, because if you had, you would be adding bile and half-processed food to the mix.

This post is made of win. The bolding is what truly makes it shine.

[Pandarsenic]

> taste the red stuff.

This too.

We are totally about to find out just whether we transmuted this stuff to stop being horse shit, aren't we.

[Dwarmin]

For !!Alchemy! and the Queen! we must test the serum by drinking it!

All the better to keep its awesome power for ourselves!

[Demonic Spoon]

For !!Alchemy! and Queen! we must test the serum by drinking it!

All the better to keep its awesome power for ourselves!

What about the Queen!?

[Dwarmin]

Ahem!

My syntax was garbled by the fumes.

[Hubris Incalculable]

You decide that the most logical thing to do is to take a drink of what was once horse shite, a yellow fluid of unknown origin, a bit of green fluid of equally unknown origin, your own blood, and some lumps of grey metal. As you raise this concoction to your mouth, you consider how incredibly stupid this idea is, yet you follow through, and take a hefty swig. Immediately, your insides begin to churn. Your legs seem to be growing longer - you have ripped your leggings! Your forelegs have ripped through your gloves! You have ripped your tunic! Your nose and mouth seem to be further from your eyes! You have broken your protective specs! You can no longer see directly ahead!

You feel like having a bite of grass, or a nice lump of sugar.

Spoiler: Status (click to show/hide)

Property:
5x Shillings
1x Farthings
1x Glass pitcher of smelly green chemical
2/3x Glass pitcher of dangerous looking yellow chemical
2/3x Glass pitcher of horse shite
1x Dirty empty glass pitcher
4x Pieces of rusty metal
5x Pieces of soft, grey, heavy metal
12x Glass tubing
1x Pair of shredded leggings
2x Torn leather shoes
1x Ripped white tunic
2x Torn leather gloves
1x Pair of broken protective spectacles
1x Rented room
1x Cast-iron pot full of Potion of Horse Transformation
1x Bag of coal
1x Bag of salt

Learned Recipes:
Potion of Horse Transformation:
  Take:
    1 part each Dangerous Looking Yellow Chemical, Horse Shite, and Soft, Grey, Metal
  Simmer for half an hour, stirring occasionally. Add:
    2 Shillings
    5 drops Blood
    3 drops Smelly Green Chemical

General stats:
Horse Level:  █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █
Hunger: █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █
Health: █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █
Popularity: █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ (Neutral)

Orders:
No-one has ordered any chemicals or metals, transmuted or otherwise, yet.

[forsaken1111]

Astonishing! We have crafted Horse-man Solution!