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Author Topic: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:  (Read 39993 times)

Eddren

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After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« on: September 27, 2011, 05:05:00 pm »

The only way for a Military to remain successful throughout an entire Fortress, is to build a one-use Megaproject which will determine how many Squads you have.
And it shall do so via this method:
At a height of a minimum 10 Z-levels, you will place X amount of Dwarves, with X being the maximum amount of Captains you want.
They shall specifically be stationed on a platform overlooking the entrance to your Fortress, that is rigged to collapse.
When a siege comes around, you will arm them in the best you can find, place them upon this Platform, and wait for the Goblins to charge your Fortess. At the last minute, you will pull the lever, releasing the fury(And screaming, agonizing fear,) of the Dwarven militia on them..From above.
Those who survive the fall, will be given specially engineered crypts, rigged to be filled with magma at the pull of a lever. Then they shall face the Siege.
Those who survive the siege, shall become your Militia Captains, and will each be given the nickname 'Necro,' or Girlinhat. Along with this, wherever they go must first be purged with the purifying fury of Magma, or have a Phallus built upon. And in this way, we shall honor Armoks two greatest Prefstrings, as well as create the most BA Militia known to Dwarf.
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Ah, my dwarven heart beats with fierce pride for this.  I can't take it anymore!  I have to go do something profound.

Girlinhat

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2011, 05:09:52 pm »

If we're naming anyone after me, they must endure Trial by Badger.  Capture a giant badger.  Put a migrant in a few scraps of leather armor, or not.  Training weapon is max, preferably no weapon.  Order them to kill.  Whichever one walks out alive is the new militia captain.

Thus begins the rein of Urist McGiantBadger.

ZeroSumHappiness

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #2 on: September 27, 2011, 05:13:28 pm »

@Girlinhat: So you're saying that you want to take a badger that's tasted dwarf-blood and thus will never be properly tame, tame it, mod it so that it [CAN_LEARN] and whatever else is needed to be able to assign it to a position, make it the Militia Captain, then set it free to terrorize your fort?  Yeah, sounds about right for earning the name.
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Specter513

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2011, 05:16:15 pm »

How about letting your would-be captains unleash the Kraken(HFS)?
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Leprechauns actually. That "magically delicious taste" prefstring soon lead to their total extinction.
Congratulations, you killed the only things considered dominant and have heralded the end of civilization in your world as you know it.

Eddren

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2011, 05:21:26 pm »

Better.
Feeding my would-be Captains to the Kraken(Launching them in via bridge the moment the hole is opened.
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Ah, my dwarven heart beats with fierce pride for this.  I can't take it anymore!  I have to go do something profound.

Flare

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2011, 05:25:09 pm »

According to specialsurprise, it would not be that uncommon for a drop from 10 z levels down to result in everybody getting a crypt of their own. In fact, it probably won't be that out of place to empty your entire fortress of people trying to get a militia captain if you plan on mixing this great drop with explosive cave-in dust.
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Eddren

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2011, 05:26:07 pm »

And so, Flare has discovered the true reason why the Military would be so successful if it were to get even one live captain out of this.
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Ah, my dwarven heart beats with fierce pride for this.  I can't take it anymore!  I have to go do something profound.

Cheveux

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #7 on: September 27, 2011, 05:36:45 pm »

The "live" captain will probably lose limbs in his success. And blood. So much blood.
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Flare

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #8 on: September 27, 2011, 05:37:12 pm »

And so, Flare has discovered the true reason why the Military would be so successful if it were to get even one live captain out of this.

Well no, I'm saying that he's going to empty his fort, not that he's going to empty his fort except for one dwarf that survives.
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Eddren

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2011, 05:38:54 pm »

And so, Flare has discovered the true reason why the Military would be so successful if it were to get even one live captain out of this.

Well no, I'm saying that he's going to empty his fort, not that he's going to empty his fort except for one dwarf that survives.

Statistically? Quite unlikely. At least ONE will survive. Gobbos do every now and then, after all. Besides, that's the other reason you wait until the Gobbos are right below you-They act as cushioning, in case it DOES kill 100% of Dwarves who don't land on a cushion.

The "live" captain will probably lose limbs in his success. And blood. So much blood.

EXACTLY!
Then he can learn the Holy Skill of Armoks First Beard..BITING!
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Ah, my dwarven heart beats with fierce pride for this.  I can't take it anymore!  I have to go do something profound.

Tevish Szat

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2011, 05:48:46 pm »

All the captain has to do to survive the fall is land on one of the invaders.  Said future captain should be without injuries and ready to maim the hell out of his cushion and all said cushion's friends.

What's a more badass way to make an entrance than jumping on a master lasher leading his squad from 100' up?  Maybe magma surfing, but then the magma does the invader-killing work for you. (and also the dwarf killing work for the invaders, in most scenarios)
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A medium-sized humanoid fond of fantasy and science-fiction.

Tevish Szat likes books, computers, board games, and cats for their aloofness. When possible, he prefers to consume hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. He needs caffeine to get through the working day.

Flare

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #11 on: September 27, 2011, 05:51:53 pm »

And so, Flare has discovered the true reason why the Military would be so successful if it were to get even one live captain out of this.

Well no, I'm saying that he's going to empty his fort, not that he's going to empty his fort except for one dwarf that survives.

Statistically? Quite unlikely. At least ONE will survive. Gobbos do every now and then, after all. Besides, that's the other reason you wait until the Gobbos are right below you-They act as cushioning, in case it DOES kill 100% of Dwarves who don't land on a cushion.

Ah, but you see, this is where the cave-in dust comes in. The gobbos would probably be dispersed away from the drop zone by the dust, and it's also quite likely that the militia themselves would not drop straight down due to the explosive powers of the dust. It might also, for example, add to their speed as they fall to the ground.
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Teneb

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2011, 05:55:27 pm »

And so, Flare has discovered the true reason why the Military would be so successful if it were to get even one live captain out of this.

Well no, I'm saying that he's going to empty his fort, not that he's going to empty his fort except for one dwarf that survives.

Statistically? Quite unlikely. At least ONE will survive. Gobbos do every now and then, after all. Besides, that's the other reason you wait until the Gobbos are right below you-They act as cushioning, in case it DOES kill 100% of Dwarves who don't land on a cushion.

Ah, but you see, this is where the cave-in dust comes in. The gobbos would probably be dispersed away from the drop zone by the dust, and it's also quite likely that the militia themselves would not drop straight down due to the explosive powers of the dust. It might also, for example, add to their speed as they fall to the ground.

Should the paratrooper dwarfs not land on their targets due to the dust, then it is clear that Armok didn't want them to survive. Just keep dropping those migrants and you'll get a survivor, eventually.
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Monstrous Manual: D&D in DF
Quote from: Tack
What if “slammed in the ass by dead philosophers” is actually the thing which will progress our culture to the next step?

Girlinhat

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #13 on: September 27, 2011, 05:58:19 pm »

The flying dwarf lower right arm strikes the goblin in the head, shattering the bone through the {<Iron Helm>}, jamming the skull into the brain, and tearing the brain!
The goblin has been struck down!

This is a masterfully engraved wall by Urist McEngraverPants.  It is an image of Urist McDead and dwarves.  The image relates to the promotion of Urist McDead to the position of Militia Commander.

Necro910

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Re: After much pondering, I have come to one conclusion:
« Reply #14 on: September 27, 2011, 06:02:36 pm »

If you're having militia leaders named after me, burn his fat off with magma. Arm him in iron, and give him a steel axe.

Let the games begin.
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