So, my latest English assignment was to write a 750+ word (I hit 1,005) Classification or Division paper, with humor if possible. Here's what I came up with. If you guys would give it the once over and critique it, that'd be great, and I would appreciate it.
Apocalypse How: Destroying the Earth For Fun and Profit
For whatever reason, sometimes a person just feels like destroying the Earth. Whatever the reason, however, a choice must be made: Just how does a potential evil mastermind, super-villain or mad scientist go about destroying an entire planet? Fortunately, there are many choices, ranging from the simple, yet time consuming, to the extremely elaborate. Man-made, Earth destroying events can be categorized by the means necessary to carry out planetary devastation.
The "Billiard Ball Effect", as it is commonly known, is a favourite method of mad scientists for destroying planets. It is one of the most spectacular but also has the greatest requirements. Simply put, all it takes is ramming a celestial body at a high speed into the planet. To best achieve the desired effect, the potentially planet-destroying body would be small, roughly twenty percent of the mass of the Earth, and moving at an extremely high velocity from an extremely large distance, generally from well outside the solar system. A good potential starting point would be Epsilon Eridani, as there are a large number of rocky asteroids there that could be used as ammunition and it is approximately 10.5 light years away from the Earth. Given the correct conditions, an impact of this scenarios magnitude would shatter the relatively thin crust of the Earth, spewing shards of the broken planet and its molten insides deep into space. There would be few things more satisfying to an evil mastermind than cackling gleefully whilst watching, from the safety of a base hidden elsewhere in the solar system, the Earth break apart like an egg hitting the floor.
While getting to watch an entire planet explode would be glorious, there are those who argue that the above method is simply too inefficient and prohibitively expensive to be practical. However, there is a means of destroying the Earth that is entirely dedicated to efficiency. Any person who knows anything about nanotechnology has heard of a device called the “Von Neumann Machine.” These devices are tiny machines who have only one purpose: to replicate themselves infinitely. The growth rate of these machines is exponential, meaning that the more there are, the more will be made. Given that the Earth’s total composition is almost a third iron, which could be used for the bodies of the machines, and just over 15% silicon, which is used in computer chip manufacturing, these machines could potentially tear apart the entire planet looking for more and more materials to build more and more of themselves. Eventually, the entire planet would become a teeming mass of microscopic machines searching for materials. Many science fiction writers call this eventuality “Grey Goo,” as when viewed from space, the overrun Earth would look as if it were a ball of molten grey, ever swirling as the machines pursue resources.
The biggest potential problem faced by the Von Neumann Machine scenario, however, is time, as the destruction of the planet could potentially take millions of years if seeded from one machine. Quite frankly, most super-villains are not able to spend millions of years watching the planet turn grey, and even if that were feasible, it would be quite boring. A middle ground between the two above methods has been a staple of the villain’s arsenal, and a fan favorite, for decades: The Doomsday Device. They come in many shapes and sizes, but they only have one application, that being to wipe the Earth from existence. The most common among these is a wide focus particle driver, also known as a “beam cannon,” meant to incinerate the entire planet in one shining blast of super-heated energy. In fact, all a potential super-villain would need is a space-based platform of some kind, such as a space station, the moon, or Mars, the energy to power the cannon, and the weapon itself. This method is practical from a cost standpoint, efficient, and still worthy of a long, maniacal laugh.
Unbeknownst to many, even honest, benevolent people have the potential to destroy the planet. In fact, one of the best ways to put oneself in that position is to join the scientific community. One of the biggest threats to the planet in science is particle physics. Many of the experiments in particle physics involve absurd amounts of energy, conditions that rival the explosion that set the entire universe in motion, and several mile long particle beams. Furthermore, several labs around the world have been successful at isolating anti-matter of particular elements, such as anti-hydrogen. Antimatter has the particular property of annihilating any corresponding matter it contacts, turning both into a blast of high-energy gamma rays in a rather spectacular explosion. If antimatter does not have a high enough explosive yield, there is Vacuum Energy, which is the proposed energy held within the nothingness of empty space. It is the prevailing thought within Quantum Electrodynamics that one cubic meter of empty space should have 10113 Joules of Vacuum Energy, which is almost eight times more energy than the largest manmade nuclear explosion. Vacuum Energy is not only present in untold nothingness, however, as solid objects are composed of more than 99% empty space. Given this notion, if all the Vacuum Energy on the Earth were detonated in one instant, the blast would be over 10.7 trequadragintillion (1,083,210,000,000 [Area of Earth in km3] * 1,000,000,000 [Conversion to m3] * 10113 [for 1m3 of vacuum] *.99 [Convert to 99%]) Joules, probably more than enough to wipe out the entire galaxy.
That would be an explosion that any film director could be proud of.
In short, if a person desires to destroy the Earth, there are a multitude of extremely impressive ways to do so. One can use large, intergalactic bodies, miniscule machines, huge energy weapons or traditional science to truly pulverize the world. The Earth-shattering-kaboom is one of the greatest achievements a super-villain can accomplish, provided that he or she has a suitable off-world base to watch the show from. From there, the next step would be to choose which type of evil laugh to use.
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Topic: Paper for English (Read 1287 times)