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Author Topic: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play [CLOSED]  (Read 19347 times)

Lord Dakoth

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Okay guys, if you're here it's pretty much understood that you are a no-life unshaven alcoholic big fan of Dwarf Fortress. So, what we're going to do here is list every reason that Dwarf Fortress is superior to the games that the unenlightened rabble play. No, I don't think we're going to run out of reasons.

1. Magma can cure all problems.
2. MP5Ks are for little girls. Real men use crossbows.
3. Forget the wimpy health bar. If it you ain't bleeding, you ain't hurt.
4. You don't need ammo in Dwarf Fortress because EVERYTHING is a projectile weapon.
5. You say you need a medic? Well, Urist over here is a Dabbling Surgeon in need of practice...
6. Do YOUR weapons menace with spikes?
7. Cacame Awemedinade the Immortal Onslaught.
8. Dwarves decorate their undergarments with the bones of their enemies.
9. You fight dragons? We capture dragons and convert them into turret defenses.
10. Dwarves will smash your gates, crush your pitiful defenses, overrun your city, and engrave the whole battle into collectible stone mugs to be sold to your friends and relatives.
11. Welcome to F***ing Boatmurdered.
12. Your world might rain blood, but our world rains Type AB Ogre blood - and check out that T-cell count!
13. Forget throwing darts, our dwarves are packin' ballista bolts.
14. Your wimpy games have bugs. Dwarf Fortress has "unintentional features."
« Last Edit: January 11, 2012, 08:11:34 pm by Lord Dakoth »
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2012, 02:34:23 am »

15. LETS YOU ORDER MASSIVE FREAKING LISTS OF MANLY AWESOMENESS
16. LETS YOU BUILD MASSIVE FREAKING DEATH TRAPS OF MANLY AWESOMENESS
17. Unbelievably horrific "adventure mode." I have seen things.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2012, 03:13:39 am »

18. Your games have you escape deathtraps. DF lets you make them. And I'm sure you could make a better deathtrap than most games have.
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Chilton

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2012, 03:59:30 am »

20. Most Games have You hear Stories about Prisoners in Dungeons. In Dwarf Fortress, You Trap things in Cages and Torture them in many vicious and cruel ways.

21. In Dwarf Fortress, You can cook Elves in Boiling Water.

22. In DF, You can turn the hides of Your enemies into Clothes.

23. You are the ultimate Antagonist.

24. RIP OUR THEIR ******* EYES!!!
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2012, 04:10:18 am »

25. Why?

26. Everything is a weapon.

27. EVERYTHING.

28. The only exception to rule #1 is Urist.

29. There are no exceptions to rule #1.

raptorfangamer

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2012, 10:22:41 am »

poke out the eyes of a sasquatch and strangle them with your turban!

26. giant badgers will destroy embarks

27. you can create supersoldier machines were you force children into 12 years of torture and angry chickens

28. got anything? weaponize it.
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MasterMorality

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2012, 10:30:10 am »

29. What most people consider 'hardcore' these days:
"Oh, I take three shots and regenerate, my enemy gets hit once and dies. If I die I will just respawn. I'm so hardcore'.

Dwarf Fortress:
"You get hit where you get hit. This may or may not cripple you for life. It may or may not kill you in one shot. You're dwarf just lost a leg. Suck it up, bitch. No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn."

« Last Edit: January 06, 2012, 10:33:49 am by MasterMorality »
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Oliolli

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2012, 10:50:31 am »

Actually the average "hardcore" game goes as follows:

"I get hit, I die, I respawn/load an earlier save"

Only in "casual" one has time for regenerating health  :P
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magmaholic

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2012, 10:50:50 am »

"You get hit where you get hit. This may or may not cripple you for life. It may or may not kill you in one shot. You're dwarf just lost a leg. Suck it up, bitch. No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn."
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Chilton

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2012, 11:34:18 am »

30. Everything ends up Dead. No matter how Legendary or Mighty. Something will kill it. Even if its Old Age. NOTHING SURVIVES. And if it does somehow? The World being Erased Kills it good.
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MasterMorality

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #10 on: January 06, 2012, 11:42:37 am »

"You get hit where you get hit. This may or may not cripple you for life. It may or may not kill you in one shot. You're dwarf just lost a leg. Suck it up, bitch. No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you death with it. You won't respawn."
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Ottofar

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2012, 01:54:59 pm »

6. Does YOUR furniture menace with spikes?

Gotta fix this.

Ogdibus

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2012, 02:58:10 pm »

31.  Socks
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Lord Dakoth

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2012, 03:32:07 pm »

I believe you mean "Sooooooooocks!"
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kisame12794

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Re: Why Dwarf Fortress is better than the crap games you wussies play
« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2012, 03:44:31 pm »

#32 MAGMAAAAAAAAAA.

#33LAVAAAAAAAAAAAA.

#34 Does your game alow you to punt a goblin? No. Not like ours does.
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