Posting back-up copy of post grammer, but otherwise clean copy.
The steaming shrimp gumbo gives you such a powerful olfactory stimulation that you nearly forget about your mission. This dish, potent enough to render the most weight-conscious health nut into an eating frenzy, is a mastered product of Margaret Jelanie, although you know that she's actually always called Mama Jeli. The warmth that emanates from her home, her cooking, and her heavy, busty figure is a warmth that few biological mothers could provide.
"Be careful, don't burn your tongue on the soup!"
She heaves the mighty bowl in front of your seat, the searing heat of it making you sweat. Mama Jeli is a local community fixture, going out of her way to offer her services to anyone who hungers for a hot meal or needs somewhere warm and safe to stay during the night. Her meals are filling, her house is spotless, her garden is vibrant with flora. She organizes communal picnics, barbecues, dances and old-fashioned drive-in movies.
As you attempt to swallow the contents of your bowl, Mama Jeli leans in from across the table.
"Again, thank you so much for helping out 'round here. It really means a lot to me, to all of us."
Mama reclined, beaming, and any ignorant observer would have thought that you had given her some innocent assistance. Mama was a guardian, but she was no angel. She understood the workings of the real world much more than someone would discern from her outward impression. She understood that sometimes the church luncheons and school fundraisers would not be enough to aid her community. Sometimes people like you had to give their assistance. You respected that.
"I'm sure you want a little somethin' for your work, but you said that you didn't want no money? Well how about a jar of honey? A new dress? What about a date with my grandson, he's a good looking boy!"
Mama heartily chuckles as you put down your soup spoon.
Mama's smile scurries away like a hare that spotted an alligator lurking in the shallows of the swamp.
"Wiki...little missie', did you just-"
"Wikipedia. The Wars."
Mama cocked her elbows against the table and buried her fists into her cheeks. She stands up, and without looking at you directly, tells you to wait out on the porch.
It's humid outside as it seems to be year-round in the bayou. The symphony of buzzing insects and crying birds prevents any contemplative silence. Mama comes out after a few minutes, with a soft smile, looking like she had recovered from your request. Her thick left palm holds a manuscript of old, weathered papers.
"The Wikipedia Wars, never thought anyone would talk 'bout 'em ever again, much less wanna' learn."
You reach for the document but Mama softly waves your hand away as she relaxes into a rocking chair.
"Sorry child, but some things are better spoken then read. Now please, lend me your ear..."
Proofread by roseheart! No revisions.
Kupari was a picturesque town sitting on the Adriatic Sea. While the rich shining bay and the luscious forest remained vibrant as ever, Kupari itself was a ghost town. There were still hundreds of people walking the streets of Kupari, but these were all tourists and street vendors, any trace of an original Kupari native was gone. The decadent military resorts that once brought life to this village had become skeletons, the war had abused these hotels with carpet bombings and mortar strikes until their insides were little more than monuments of dust and debris.
But even in Kupari's heyday, these grand palaces of leisure would not have been prepared to accommodate the guests that would arrive today.
Ten of them stood in a circle arrangement on the sands that sit before the Grand Hotel, Kupari's magnum opus whose only occupant now was vermin and graffiti drawings. The tough shrubs thriving in the sand and lone palm tree swaying in the wind made the scene uncannily similar to a classic Mexican standoff. Eyes flickered around and palms twitched; timing the first move just right would be the difference being able to continue onto the second round or becoming the next casualty to the ghost of Croatia's bloody War.
As if an invisible starter pistol had gone off, each contender's body contorted to their first action, the symphony of chaos and blood singing its first note.
Proofread by roseheart! No revisions.
The Hot Air Balloon, Thunder Machine, Yellow Cab Ambassaodr and G-1010 Silver Sword Fighter Jet are all parked about 150 yards away from the Standoff Circle.
All Naval Vehicles are set on the shore of the Bay, which is about a fifth-mile to the South of the Standoff Circle.
Note: Character knowledge assumed after this point.
((needs support or change))
Hawk132 races to ((the)) fighter jet as the fighting commences around him, dipping and weaving around bodies and gunfire as the battle begins.  He manages to escape getting shot or stabbed as he reaches the bottom of his plane, hands on his knees, panting after his exertion.
birdy51 has no idea how he ended up in a circle of angry looking people, or why he was dressed as if he were to be dropped deep into the jungles of Vietnam, except there were no jungles around and no Viet Cong. That one guy in suit looks Asian though, but he could be Chinese or Japanese or Korean...hell, what did it matter? They were all commies as far as birdy could remember. "Eat lead, Soviet scum!" birdy raises his M16 and marches on Nunzillor. (10 VS. 5) A single shot to the gut sends Nunzillor to the flat of his back. "Yeah! America!"
tntey takes a page from Hawk's book and flees the scene of the battle as a overly realistic and inaccurate reenactment of the Vietnam gets under way.  He wastes no time in getting to his vehicle, and he even saves a few seconds by diving through the Thunder Machine's side door. He slides into the seat and jams his key into the ignition, the beast of an engine roaring to life, fire spewing from the exhaust.
Nanobones' hands tremble over the guns in both of his holsters, but he doesn't draw either of them yet. The sand has settled and the crows caw, and in this situation he knows that the hero is never the first one to draw. A couple people scamper away, but he doesn't pull his guns out and shoot them just yet, that would be a scallywag's way of doing things, a mark of cowardice. When the Vietnam Vet shoots another combatant straight in the stomach, Nanobones knows it's time to act, both guns gleaming in the shine of the sun as they are drawn, Nanobones perceiving his move in Hollywood slow-motion. (3 VS. 1) So it turns out shooting guns akimbo is hard, and you know what makes it harder? Shooting different guns akimbo. Nanobones unloads over a dozen rounds of ammunition on birdy, and only a single bullet hits, and that single bullet doesn't do more than scratch the skin on his right hand. Well, at least he's been distracted. Nanobones' blows the smoke off of his guns like he had just shot up a camp of bandits.
McDonald came to this fight unarmed to prove his machismo and honor; when he began to see everyone shooting each other to pieces, he briefly pondered on the value of machismo and honor especially when they could result in getting your face blown off. Looking around for something to properly equip himself with, he spots birdy with his M16, and in the nick of time McDonald watches the soldier get distracted by a bullet to the hand. Seizing the opportunity, McDonald charges at birdy (6+2 VS. 3) and wraps his arm around the elbow of the soldier. Birdy has little time to react when McDonald applies pressure to his elbow, causing him much discomfort and reflexively dropping the rifle. McDonald throws birdy to the ground, his landing softened by the sand, and snatches up the M16.
NAV sneaks up behind Generally me and lines up the scope reticle on his rifle with the back of his target's head, really a basic assassination technique in his opinion. (10+3 VS. 2) And it is. There's the muffled explosion from the SCAR and then Generally is prone on the ground, spurting blood red liquid. "OOOOOH, did you guys see that shit?" NAV exclaims as he casually walks towards the Grand Hotel. "That shit was insane. Get an alliance with me if you want to do rad shit like that. If not, I'll fucking dome you next. Peace," he signs as he disappears behind the rubble.
NAV CIA'd Generally me!
New Article: USS Umpqua (1865): +USS Umpqua
(USS Umpqua has spawned in the Bay)
My Name is Immaterial stands there with his sword held high, ready to cut through his foes who only wield mere hand-cannons, minuscule threats in his opinion! Surveying the area for a victim for someone that doesn't have access to some sort of gun, he picks Generally me only to witness NAV swooping in and stealing his kill. Nunzillor is unarmed, so Immaterial charges at him with a warrior's screech, only for someone to shoot him in the stomach. "Stop trying to kill my opponents before I have the chance! Tend to your own battle, coward!" Immaterial stops and chastises his opponents before continuing to run after Nunzillor. (8+3 VS. 2) Nunzillor stands up, his arms wrapped around his torso attempting to keep his entrails inside, only for Immaterial to cleave him with one giant vertical slash, separating him into two pieces from his skull down to his groin. Immaterial licks the blood from the blunt face of his blade as Nunzillor literally falls into pieces. "Now then, who is next?"
My Name is Immaterial dissected Nunzillor!
New Article: Udon kiri: +Udon-kiri Knife
Fr0stByt3 makes it away from the bloodbath unscathed and sprinting South to the Bay.  Despite being one of the farthest vehicles away, Fr0stByt3 gets hit with a burst of where he is able to take on all obstacles in front of him, navigating through a crowd of tourists and somersaulting over the hood of a passing car to reach his Civil War Gunship and take the wheel.
NAV gets into the crumbling hotel structure in the background, flashing a gang sign over a hunk of wall, giving Immaterial some props before dipping down and crouch-walking to a new location. Taking cover behind a column, NAV takes a blunt out of his bag and lights it up. A few good hits of the kush and the special force operative is thoroughly blazed. Peeking from his cover, NAV spots a combatant seizing a rifle from another combatant, although his whole view is pretty blurry; maybe getting high while trying to take guys down isn't a good idea, but then again it might be all part of an elite military tactic. "Oh shit, that ain't good," NAV mutters to himself as he props the side of his rifle up against the column to stabilize it. (1+3-2 VS. 7) NAV sprays some bursts down towards the sand, but he's feeling light headed and his hands are pretty loose after getting a whiff of the good stuff. It might just be the drugs, but NAV swears that it looks like McDonald has noticed him and is turning around and pointing the M16 at him...(1 VS. 3) Turns out a sober untrained fighter isn't as good of a shot with a rifle as a blazed elite Belgian soldier. NAV ducks back behind his column, letting it absorb any stray bullets.
Hawk climbs into his plane with no resistance and gets the engine roaring and all the systems online. The takeoff is a bit difficult in the sand, but the jet manages to gain altitude and soars up into the sky. Hawk looks around at all the options available to him in the plane, and notices that it comes with 3 charges of napalm. Coming up with a literally sure-fire plan, Hawk turns the jet around and flies it over the battleground. Just as he's passing the starting point, Hawk pushes the trigger for a napalm bombardment.  Due to some strong winds, the bomb ends up falling on the roof of the Grand Hotel. The explosion causes a minor shockwave and sets the roof ablaze. It doesn't put anyone in danger, for the moment.
Birdy finds himself lying in the sand as McDonald takes his gun away. Before Mc can execute him on the ground like those son-of-a-bitch commies' used to do in the jungle, someone shoots at McDonald from the hotel. McDonald ducks and returns fire. During these moments, Birdy furiously searches his figure for a grenade, it has to be somewhere on his gear, all soldiers had to carry at least a couple spares right? But for some reason his uniform lacks any explosives, but it does have a similarly shaped canteen. Sure a canteen doesn't explode into fragments, but it's worth a shot. Birdy grips the canteen, heavy and sloshing with water, and chucks it at McDonald. (1 VS. 6) The canteen doesn't even hit McDonald and lands in the sand next to him, but it did get his attention. (8 VS. 6) McDonald spins around and sprays up Birdy. Most of the bullets don't land, since McDonald isn't the best shot in the world, but Birdy can't laugh when a round embeds itself through his right shoulder.
Tntey revs up the engine of the Thunder Machine. Guiding the wheel towards the center mass of the fighting, he grips the leather and puts his foot down on the pedal. Wheels tear through the sand as the war truck charges at the other combatants. Everyone runs or crawls and scampers away as fast as they can, although Immaterial's armor puts him in more danger than anyone else. [5+2 VS. 8] Immaterial barely action rolls out of the way of the Thunder Machine as its tires leave the slightest marks on its armor as it goes flying by. Tntey curses, an unsuccessful run.
McDonald holds the warm M16 up, looking through it's iron sights as the injured Birdy tries to back away. [2+2 VS. 1] McDonald slams his foot down on Birdy's torso, holding him in place as he aims the barrel for his head, Birdy desperately trying to bat McDonald off with no success. [3+1 VS. 6] Turns out that McDonald can't even shoot someone at point blank range while pinning them to the ground, though to be fair Birdy is doing a whole lotta' wiggling. [5 VS. 4] Birdy grabs McDonald's leg with his good arm and yanks it, sending McDonald off balance and giving him some time to scramble to his feet and create about a yard's worth of distance between them.
Nanobones peers at Immaterial preparing for another charging attack. Nanobones takes the initiative to run forward and counter-charge him! [7+2 VS. 2] At the last second, Nanobones pulls an NFL level juke move and gets right past Immaterial, causing him to miss, and tripping him in the same maneuver. Immaterial falls and drops his sword, getting a helmet full of sand. Nanobones briefly makes some taunting gestures before running past the side of the Grand Hotel and into the forest behind it, sprinting until he is far enough into the woods where he can no longer see the hotel.
Immaterial gets to his feet and removes his helmet, letting the sand pour out of it and rubbing the grainy material out from his eyes and mouth. He puts his helmet back on and grabs his sword off the ground, looking for the agile bandit, but he's already disappeared from sight.
Fr0stByt3 assumes the captain's position and takes his Civil War Gunship off from the shore and down to the bay, the wind running through his hair and letting him roleplay an 1850's Navy Officer. "Boys, ready the cannon!" Fr0stByt3 waits before remembering that he has no boys. With a sigh, he gets off of the wheel and down to the deck below where he personally has to man one of the cannons.  Aiming one of the guns towards the Grand Hotel, he loads cannonballs in and lets the gun rip. It's a rather slow process, since he's only one person, but he does manage to get a handful of shots in during this round, enough to start putting holes in the building.
NAV meanwhile, is still chilling in the hotel when he starts to smell smoke, and not the good kind of smoke either. Before he can question that, a cannonball comes by and obliterates one of the nearby ruined walls. "Oh shit."  NAV runs from his position, as the column bursts into pieces as another cannonball tears it to shreds. NAV is unharmed, but lacks good cover, and it's hard to find new cover when the surrounding environment is randomly getting hit with cannonballs.
Proofread by roseheart! No revisions. Note: some game elements left at this time, please leave.
Birdy searches his body for more things to hit or throw at McDonald. He lacks any bottles or cans, but he still has the ordinate and incredibly valuable Liberty Bell Ruby. The Ruby was stolen and never recovered by its original owners, and being worth millions of dollars, must be handled with the greatest care, which is why Birdy charges at McDonald trying to clobber him over the head with the gem. (5 VS. 2) Birdy swings and smacks McDonald right in the face with the ruby. McDonald's face whips to the side and he falls onto the sand dazed, sporting a new mark on his cheek.
Immaterial shouts as the Thunder Machine roars off into the distance, cursing Tntey and his "unmanly" fighting style of hiding inside a mechanical contraption. He turns his attention to the nearby brawl where Birdy has knocked McDonald to the ground with some sort of shiny blunt object. Immaterial creeps over as Birdy looks over McDonald like a leopard that has just immobilized a gazelle. As he raises the ruby once more, Immaterial charges him from the back. (10+3 VS. 2) Birdy's murder demolition spree is halted when he looks down at the several inches of Byzantine steel now protruding from his chest. He gives McDonald a look that just says 'Well, this happened', as the blade jerks upwards and comes through his torso and through his head. Birdy's cadaver falls in front of McDonald, vertically bisected from his skull down to his sternum.
Immaterial has separated Birdy!
+Article: Star Wars Galaxies: +Lightsaber, Abilities: Force Kinetics, Force Mind Control, Force Speed
McDonald, seeing his would-be murderer get killed off and replaced with a scarier medieval murderer with a big sword, gets to his feet and runs to Nunzillor's body, lying in the sand nearby. Digging through the pockets of Nun's suit jacket, Mc comes across a pair of keys for the Ambassador Yellow Cab in the distance. (7) He breaks into a sprint hearing the ominous clanging of Immaterial's armor behind him, getting to the cab and swinging the door open, jamming the key into the ignition. (+Ambassador Yellow Cab) Sitting in the front seat, McDonald gets a notification from Croatian Intelligence that they've received his 'evidence' on the crimes of Fr0stByt3 and are on his tail...
The Grand Hotel shakes and rumbles under the bombardment of cannon fire. With the place threatening to fall apart around, NAV runs out of the ruined structure and makes a beeline for the Bay. Catching a glimpse of McDonald sitting in a taxi cab, NAV slows down a bit and pivots, firing into the vehicle, though moving fast and aiming don't go well together, although NAV is shooting more for suppression than trying to actually hit Mc. (10+3-3 VS. 3) NAV sprays into the car and the bullets fly everywhere, hitting the hood, the grill, the front window, even the passenger seat. McDonald remains unscathed, until a single random shot manages to hit him straight through the neck. McDonald jerks forward as the bullet rips through his throat and passes through his spinal column, killing him instantly. He slumps forward in his seat, his body pressing on the horn as it screams incessantly...
NAV reverse-drive-by'd McDonald!
+Article: Mohamed Mansour: +3 Business, +1 Politics
Nanobones treks into the forest and sits down on a stump, safe for the moment from the heat of battle. As he rests, he takes out both of his guns to give them a thorough investigation. The WWII pistol is a classic M1911 Pistol, widely considered to be among the greatest handguns of the modern era. Holds 7 shots, easy to handle, and .45 caliber bullets for stopping power; it's no wonder why they still use versions of this gun today. The Wild West Revolver is a Colt Single Action, with the normal 6 shots and also .45 ammunition, although it's more unwieldy and less accurate by far than the M1911; although the M1911 is obviously the superior gun, the Colt comes through as a backup.
Tntey zooms along in the Thunder Machine, going at high speed and making a sharp 180. When the engines still roaring, he races back towards Immaterial. (1 VS. 10) Pushing the Thunder Machine to its limits, Tntey ends up jamming steering wheel. He tires to realign it on track with his hands while panickedly stomping on the brake, which is ceasing to function. The runaway truck doesn't end up anywhere near Immaterial, as instead in plunges headfirst into the Grand Hotel.  Tntey bails from the war mount at the last second as it ends up going through several walls of the hotel. Tntey rolls across the sand, grimy but mostly unharmed. However, when he gets up he realizes that his right arm was broken from the impact of landing on the ground.
Hawk makes circles around the battlefield looking for a spot to do a good napalm bombing on, but everyone has dispersed and he can't get a reading on any groups. What he does see is that one of the combatants has docked their boat and is now firing cannons, and a whole boat makes an easier target than a tiny little person on the ground. (8 VS. 3) Civil War Gunships were built for dealing with all sorts of combat situations, but definitely not for aerial raids. Hawk passes over the ship and tears through it with sustained minigun fire, putting tons of holes in it.
Fr0stByt3 cheerily loads another cannonball when he hears the roar of a jet come across the sky, accompanied with the sound of dozens of bullets going through his ship. Fr0stByt3 instantly feels his ship sinking and capsizing, and his cannon begins sliding away to the side. He looks out over the side of the ship ready to bail, when he sees a cop car sitting on the beach. Over an amplified speaker, the police announce, "THIS IS THE KUPARI POLICE DEPARTMENT! WE HAVE A WARRANT FOR FR0STBYT3! SURRENDER NOW!"
Hawk soars above Fr0stByt3's, watching as the Civil War Gunship tips over. Not sure if he actually managed to hit Fr0stByt3, Hawk turns the jet fighter around and swoops in for another gunning. (3 vs. 2) Hawk takes the turn too sharp and manages to put a few more holes in the side of the ship but nothing else, certainly nothing that would have hit Fr0stByt3 unless he was hiding in the lower part of the ship, which is already plunging into the depths of the bay.
The Thunder Machine's drill tears through multiple layers of wall in the grand hotel, before finally embedding itself deep into what was once a staircase. Abandoning his old mode of transportation, Tntey instead ops for the much less aggressive Hot Air Balloon, which lacks the giant drill and guns of the Thunder Machine, but allows for vertical transportation and a breathtaking view of beautiful Kupari. Tntey lights up the balloon's central component and begins floating off.
Fr0stByt3's Gunship teeters onto it's side, and Hawk flies by and shoots through it more just out of spite. Fr0st knows that any courageous captain goes down with his ship, so it's a damn good thing he doesn't think of himself as a courageous captain. Hoisting himself up against the upturned side of the ship, Fr0st gathers himself and dives into the water below. The blue abyss envelops him, and as he swims back up to the surface, he gets a close up of the gunship disappearing into the depths. (3) Fr0st gasps as the air rushes to meet him and begins swimming towards the other ships nearby, but it's been a while since he's gone swimming and he doesn't make much distance.
The Croatian Police watch as the ship plunges into the ocean, wondering if Fr0stByt3 escaped or drowned. They drive off, deciding that their job is done and it's time to phone in the Maritime Police.
NAV continues on his path down to the Bay. (1) He's making his way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and he was so occupied with the idea of getting to his ship that he failed to notice an inattentive driver while crossing the road. (6 vs. 10) Before impact, NAV sees the car in his peripheries and combat rolls out of the road, getting yelled at but not suffering from any physical wounds. Still, he hasn't even got down to the sand of the Bay.
Nanobones finds a spot in the forest teaming with a heavy about of mulch and fallen leaves. Trying to become one with mother nature, he submerges himself down in the mixture. (3) A natural disguise would be a perfect one, no one would expect the quiet and tranquil forest to house a trained shooter, letting the mulch become his skin and the leaves to be his clothes Nanobones...feels a sting on his feet. Looking down, he realizes that the ground is swarming in fire ants. He sprints out of there like he was on fire and brushes off his entire body, rubbing himself along the bark of an oak tree to make sure that no bugs were on him. Maybe the forest wasn't so friendly after all.
Tntey's relatively relaxing ascent into the sky is interrupted by the Byzantine Basher himself. Immaterial charges as fast he can, "No real warrior flees to the sky! Come back and here and die with honor!" Not going to let Tntey get away, Immaterial takes out his spear and holding it like a javelin, tosses it at the punk star and his floating vessel. (7 vs.
The spear misses the hot air balloon's basket by inches and sails harmlessly away. Immaterial curses as Tntey reaches an altitude that not even the greatest javelin-thrower could hit.
RH, minor grammar fixes
Tntey ascends into the sky, taking his Small Golden Cross off and dropping it below, reenacting the "No Matter What" Boy Zone music video. Despite his best wishes, the youthful, attractive, and faithful members of the boy band do not appear beneath him immediately. Will Boy Zone ever come back to save this malicious, brutal world? Probably not. Tntey tears up a little at this thought by focuses on the task at hand. With a heavy heart, Tntey strums out a solo that's just for him and the birds.
NAV has to get down to the Bay, and these inattentive drivers aren't helping, so there's only one thing to do.  NAV swings his feet together and swags his way down to the shoreline of the Bay, finally making their unscathed with the USS Umpqua sitting before him in all of its splendor.
Nanobones' whole perception of nature is flipped upside down as the ant's venom stings his skin. Gathering the driest pieces of shrub and branches into a pile, Nanobones' flicks out his Lighter. "Adios, foriesto~" (6+2) The whole pile quickly soars up in cackling flames. With his uncontrolled forest fire starting, Nano runs to the south-west in an instinctive decision. (7) He runs like there are ashes biting at his heels, which they are in a sense. Nano exits the forest and reenters urban Kupari, although in a different part; this section has more shops and tourist spots than ruins.
Furious at letting Tntey escape, Immaterial rushes down to the bay in a mix of indignant rage and a fix for more bloodlust. (10) Immaterial weaves through traffic, nearly getting flattened by a truck, but he's focused on other things for now. "Fellow warrior, greetings!" He announces as he runs right up behind NAV, sweating and panting after running for a while in a full suit of armor.
NAV raises his rifle instinctively when he hears someone call him about behind him, but drops it when he sees Immaterial; he wouldn't fight him now, not with his rad ability to chop dudes right in half. Instead of engage combat, he gives Immaterial a fist bump and allows him to join him on the mighty USS Umpqua. NAV, begins loading up the cannons, and being a military tactical genius, adds some marijuana to the shot just to gave it that extra hella dankness. He cycles through his targets; the fighter jet is going too fast and too high to hit with a cannonball, and the balloon would be a tough target as well. Instead, he turns the cannons towards the water where Fr0stByt3 is frantically swimming for safety. (6 vs. 1) Lighting up up the cannons, the explosions of grapeshot tear through the waters where Fr0stByt3 swims. Fr0stByt3 screams as one of the shots manages to rake his back and his shoulders. It hurts like hell, but if he stops swimming now he's dead.
Hawk turns his Silver Sword around again, barrel rolling through the skies. Surely a slow-moving and vulnerable Hot Air Balloon should be destroyed by a fighter jet within seconds. (3 vs. 2) The twin miniguns fire off again from a distance, and they fail to do much more than skimming the side of the basket and destroying a good five-cents worth of basket weave.
Fr0stByt3, wounded by cannon fire, continues swimming for the safety of a ship, leaving a cloud of red in the water behind him. (1-2) Fr0st swims as hard as he can, but the harder he swims, the faster he loses blood. He reaches the side of the SS Henry Chisholm, grabbing onto a ladder from the side and beginning to climb. He gets up a few rungs before he suddenly loses consciousness as a result of bleeding and falls back into the water, sinking into the depths below.
NAV put holes in Fr0stByt3 and sunk him!
+ Article: Sunrunner: Become Sunrunner, Abilities: Captured Gaze, Call Fire, Call Air
After NAV lets him on board, My Name is Immaterial mans the other set of cannons on the USS Umpqua, and aims them up towards Tntey's balloon. Sure the balloon was far away and the cannon's were not meant for shooting down aerial targets, but it's worth a shot. (10-2 vs. Each of the cannonballs miss, though it is stressful for Tntey to watch a bunch of cannonballs zoom past him. One of them gets within a foot of his head as it goes sailing off into the distance.
Nanobones looks around for a sporting good store, but it looks like Dick's has not expanded in Croatia yet. The closest are some souvenir shops that sell football supplies and trinkets, but nothing about baseball. Nanobones talks to one of these shopkeepers, trying to impress him with his resume of success in the baseball business. (10) The shopkeeper doesn't care or know much about baseball at all, but Nanobones is able to sway him on the grounds of being a damn fine businessman. He is so successful that the shopkeeper actually offers to give him the store, provided that he still get a majority of the profits.
The wildfire grows rapidly, consuming more of the forest. Tntey, hovering directly above the fire, now not only has to worry about jet fighters and cannonballs, there's also a ton of smoke coming up from directly below him. The smoke clouds his vision, fills up his lungs and makes him cough. The only upside is the thick smoke makes him and his balloon harder targets, but that won't matter if he suffocates.
For the sake of fun and roleplaying, I'm going to do some ret'conning and declare that a microchip has been planted in the brain of all Contestants that allows them to universally communicate in any language. This will be true for all following games as well.