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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 291594 times)

Mr.Zero

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1695 on: December 28, 2016, 08:09:18 pm »

Hello friends,

I'm writing some lore for some kind of rtd and because I like to write and could use some input on what I've written. I'm trying to accomplish somewhat of a descriptive story/view? from a 3rd person standpoint.

Here's a small bit, shortly describing the events which lead to the battle.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Sanctume

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1696 on: December 29, 2016, 02:10:46 pm »

@Zero

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

omada

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1697 on: January 09, 2017, 11:03:16 pm »

PTWatching to see the links in the first post later. For years i just pile ideas over ideas and never begin(or finish) writing anything. It's a bit hard for me, but eventually i will break this barrier like other. For example i created in a RPG a whole fucking universe and all the events that led the universe to the present situation, but i could create no adventure to my players.

Know everything that must happen in a given story, don't find the words to say.

At least now i have how to write online and not lose all my progress (again) losing my notebooks and formatting the computer as happened some years ago.


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Insanegame27

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1698 on: January 10, 2017, 06:00:29 am »

I had an idea while I was away for a week and I want to know if it's a plausible idea.


Not-too-far dystopian future. Economic collapse of major nations led to a boom increase in illicit activities. Entire suberbs of major first-world cities give way to drug-ridden slums. It's nigh-impossible to walk within 5km of the slums without getting mugged and/or robbed and/or murdered. America, China, Australia and Russia, all major superpowers in the 21st century, have simply collapsed under 'set too high' moral standards.


In a last ditch effort to recover from the economic impact, politicians from the four ex-superpowers authorise the raising of a none-too-covert task group tasked to mass-murder the scum of the Earth in droves with zero regard to collateral damage. Due to a lack of volunteers in the regular and special armed forces, volatile and dangerous prisoners are fitted with killswitches and sent to augment the ranks of the taskgroup.





Separate idea. "For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be an asshole. At age five I Pavlov-conditioned my classmates into running for their recess and lunch with fifteen minutes of class left before the break periods. At age 3 I tacked my first chair and got away with it. My parents won my lawsuit for breach-of-privacy when a teacher attempted to record me tacking his chair. By nine I had watched every episode of CSI, Law and order, the Mentalist and all the other crime and police shows I could get my hands on. I learned to be an asshole and get away with it.
I grew up - Physically, not mentally - and began cutting people off in traffic, became an expert in being the last person to go before the light turned red, splashing pedestrians with roadwater; all without legally doing anything wrong.
I eventually became attracted to the criminal underworld. From attraction came connection, and from that came opportunity. I became involved with a group of contract killers, and quickly acquired a reputation as the guy to call when you want someone ruined - but not dead.
I was 25 when I first failed a hit. It all started with me sitting in front of her in a cinema...
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Quote from: Second Amendment
A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

Parsely

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1699 on: January 10, 2017, 12:33:06 pm »

I had an idea while I was away for a week and I want to know if it's a plausible idea.

Not-too-far dystopian future. Economic collapse of major nations led to a boom increase in illicit activities. Entire suberbs of major first-world cities give way to drug-ridden slums. It's nigh-impossible to walk within 5km of the slums without getting mugged and/or robbed and/or murdered. America, China, Australia and Russia, all major superpowers in the 21st century, have simply collapsed under 'set too high' moral standards.

In a last ditch effort to recover from the economic impact, politicians from the four ex-superpowers authorise the raising of a none-too-covert task group tasked to mass-murder the scum of the Earth in droves with zero regard to collateral damage. Due to a lack of volunteers in the regular and special armed forces, volatile and dangerous prisoners are fitted with killswitches and sent to augment the ranks of the taskgroup.
No. It's beyond the imagination of most people for this to happen in the near future. Have you asked yourself what this means for your story? Understand that implausibility doesn't make it a bad story, it simply signals to the audience that this is fictional. Most of the best stories are implausible and obviously fictional. Hell, a lot of times people fail to recognize the difference between fiction and real life. My point is, your story doesn't need to be plausible in order for you or others to enjoy it. However, if your goal is to make this seem like it could happen tomorrow, you're probably aiming too high by jumping straight to "Total Recall prisoners wearing exploding collars" territory.

The feeling of reality is often closely tied to a good story, and this is usually achieved with internal consistency within your story. This is called immersion. People can read your story and forget real life, and assume the rules of your world. This is why fiction works!

Quote
Separate idea. "For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be an asshole. At age five I Pavlov-conditioned my classmates into running for their recess and lunch with fifteen minutes of class left before the break periods. At age 3 I tacked my first chair and got away with it. My parents won my lawsuit for breach-of-privacy when a teacher attempted to record me tacking his chair. By nine I had watched every episode of CSI, Law and order, the Mentalist and all the other crime and police shows I could get my hands on. I learned to be an asshole and get away with it.
I grew up - Physically, not mentally - and began cutting people off in traffic, became an expert in being the last person to go before the light turned red, splashing pedestrians with roadwater; all without legally doing anything wrong.
I eventually became attracted to the criminal underworld. From attraction came connection, and from that came opportunity. I became involved with a group of contract killers, and quickly acquired a reputation as the guy to call when you want someone ruined - but not dead.
I was 25 when I first failed a hit. It all started with me sitting in front of her in a cinema...
It's a good premise. I think the backstory could use a little work:
You should try explaining how he conditioned his classmates to leave before it was time to go instead of referencing Pavlov and expecting people to know what you're talking about. Figure out a way to show the audience Pavlov.

Your goal is to establish why this character is clever enough to get away with the stuff you're talking about, and I don't think watching TV is enough. A lot of those shows take numerous liberties when it comes to the way the actual law works. Why not make him a former law student if you want to justify his legal knowledge?

I think some kind of middle example to show how he went from doing petty things like putting tacks on chairs to "ruining" people would be good too. You need to show how he can do something so bad that it's worth people paying him money to do it. He needs to be extremely good at doing this and we need to see him succeeding first in order to have sufficient context for his failure to have impact.

At age 3 I tacked my first chair and got away with it. My parents won my lawsuit for breach-of-privacy when a teacher attempted to record me tacking his chair.
Ever seen The Incredibles?
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Insanegame27

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1700 on: January 10, 2017, 06:33:15 pm »

The incredibles is where I got that idea from
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Quote from: Second Amendment
A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1701 on: January 11, 2017, 12:04:03 am »

Have you ever heard of a logline? Essentially, you have to sum up your story in one sentence in such a way that it is both accurate and a great hook--something you could pitch to an executive to sell your work.

Try it out, it's a useful (and fun) exercise.
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Insanegame27

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1702 on: January 11, 2017, 12:10:47 am »

That was what I was aiming for with the "As long as I can remember, I always wanted to be an asshole."
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Quote from: Second Amendment
A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1703 on: January 11, 2017, 01:23:05 am »

That was what I was aiming for with the "As long as I can remember, I always wanted to be an asshole."

That's a good start to an actual logline--however, if you can go on to compress all that exposition being an asshole and then finally finding love(?) into a character spine and shove it on to the latter of that as the character's motivation--add a villain--and you have yourself a story. I like it, this would get me to read the next sentence at the very least.
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Insanegame27

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1704 on: January 11, 2017, 02:38:27 am »

I had an idea while I was away for a week and I want to know if it's a plausible idea.

Not-too-far dystopian future. Economic collapse of major nations led to a boom increase in illicit activities. Entire suberbs of major first-world cities give way to drug-ridden slums. It's nigh-impossible to walk within 5km of the slums without getting mugged and/or robbed and/or murdered. America, China, Australia and Russia, all major superpowers in the 21st century, have simply collapsed under 'set too high' moral standards.

In a last ditch effort to recover from the economic impact, politicians from the four ex-superpowers authorise the raising of a none-too-covert task group tasked to mass-murder the scum of the Earth in droves with zero regard to collateral damage. Due to a lack of volunteers in the regular and special armed forces, volatile and dangerous prisoners are fitted with killswitches and sent to augment the ranks of the taskgroup.
No. It's beyond the imagination of most people for this to happen in the near future. Have you asked yourself what this means for your story? Understand that implausibility doesn't make it a bad story, it simply signals to the audience that this is fictional. Most of the best stories are implausible and obviously fictional. Hell, a lot of times people fail to recognize the difference between fiction and real life. My point is, your story doesn't need to be plausible in order for you or others to enjoy it. However, if your goal is to make this seem like it could happen tomorrow, you're probably aiming too high by jumping straight to "Total Recall prisoners wearing exploding collars" territory.

The feeling of reality is often closely tied to a good story, and this is usually achieved with internal consistency within your story. This is called immersion. People can read your story and forget real life, and assume the rules of your world. This is why fiction works!

Quote
Separate idea. "For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be an asshole. At age five I Pavlov-conditioned my classmates into running for their recess and lunch with fifteen minutes of class left before the break periods. At age 3 I tacked my first chair and got away with it. My parents won my lawsuit for breach-of-privacy when a teacher attempted to record me tacking his chair. By nine I had watched every episode of CSI, Law and order, the Mentalist and all the other crime and police shows I could get my hands on. I learned to be an asshole and get away with it.
I grew up - Physically, not mentally - and began cutting people off in traffic, became an expert in being the last person to go before the light turned red, splashing pedestrians with roadwater; all without legally doing anything wrong.
I eventually became attracted to the criminal underworld. From attraction came connection, and from that came opportunity. I became involved with a group of contract killers, and quickly acquired a reputation as the guy to call when you want someone ruined - but not dead.
I was 25 when I first failed a hit. It all started with me sitting in front of her in a cinema...
It's a good premise. I think the backstory could use a little work:
You should try explaining how he conditioned his classmates to leave before it was time to go instead of referencing Pavlov and expecting people to know what you're talking about. Figure out a way to show the audience Pavlov.

Your goal is to establish why this character is clever enough to get away with the stuff you're talking about, and I don't think watching TV is enough. A lot of those shows take numerous liberties when it comes to the way the actual law works. Why not make him a former law student if you want to justify his legal knowledge?

I think some kind of middle example to show how he went from doing petty things like putting tacks on chairs to "ruining" people would be good too. You need to show how he can do something so bad that it's worth people paying him money to do it. He needs to be extremely good at doing this and we need to see him succeeding first in order to have sufficient context for his failure to have impact.

At age 3 I tacked my first chair and got away with it. My parents won my lawsuit for breach-of-privacy when a teacher attempted to record me tacking his chair.
Ever seen The Incredibles?
Also, I never really responded to the criticism.


Ok, so changing it to far-future and having the collapse happen over a longish timespan? Would that be better?


With the 'watching crime shows' was more of an indication to how he knew to get away with it by leaving as little evidence as possible.


And I'm having a brain-fart right now.
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Quote from: Second Amendment
A militia cannot function properly without arms, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without tanks and warplanes, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear tanks and warplanes, shall not be infringed.
The military cannot function without ICBMs, therefore the right of the people to keep and bear ICBMs, shall not be infringed.

GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1705 on: January 11, 2017, 08:29:29 am »

I can't imagine they'd compell unreliable criminals as opposed to ordering the use of trained soldiers. Conventional soldiers are already trained and more loyal.

It also feels odd - you say the collapse of the countries is due to too high moral standards... but they're also ok with making slave soldiers to just slaughter people? That feels... inconsistent.

As a plot, it's fine. As something plausible... it isn't, really.
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MorleyDev

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1706 on: January 19, 2017, 12:36:49 pm »

More of my trying short texts in weird writing styles out of boredom.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: January 22, 2017, 09:42:59 am by MorleyDev »
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GiglameshDespair

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1707 on: January 21, 2017, 05:48:32 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Too little to build off, to be honest, but it's... eh.

Eldritch space monsters, so superior they're going to destroy/subsume humanity but not apparently superior enough to understand how to use capitalisation properly. The sentences are also often broken up poorly, but I don't know how much of that is deliberate due to the style...
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MorleyDev

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1708 on: January 22, 2017, 11:13:08 am »

True. That little spiel was mostly me trying to get a feel for a potential 'monster' for a short story I'm working on. The assimilation plot idea is a bit standard though. I want to write a story based on the myth of the Ourang Medan, being the 'real story' of the Silver Star (though with names and circumstances and all that changed from the myth).

This is what I have of the opening draft so far:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: February 02, 2017, 12:01:52 pm by MorleyDev »
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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1709 on: January 31, 2017, 10:37:55 pm »

I'm releasing a new novella soon: Nathaniel Cannon and the Lost City of Pitu, a 1930s action-aviation-adventure in the grand tradition of Indiana Jones and Crimson Skies.

I also worked with a local artist for the cover, and I'm very happy with the result.

Spoiler: The result (click to show/hide)
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