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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 296641 times)

Sanctume

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1710 on: February 01, 2017, 03:15:23 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Too little to build off, to be honest, but it's... eh.

Eldritch space monsters, so superior they're going to destroy/subsume humanity but not apparently superior enough to understand how to use capitalisation properly. The sentences are also often broken up poorly, but I don't know how much of that is deliberate due to the style...

I had a few minutes to paraphrase it, but it's not complete.  Here's what I came up with.

Your existence and imagination only goes so far as the adjacent grain of sand on a beach when it can reach much more beyond the oceans of space of the furthest galaxies.

You despair in isolation in this uncaring universe, but I hear you, mortal.  I will find you and this will lead to your demise.

Your kind was once part of the space faring community that thrive in exploration of places and knowledge.

If an eon of time is as long as your eye blink, then your deep slumber have blurred the memory of your being to most of us.

We few who do remember choose to focus forward onto new discoveries.

I choose to stop and look back for those that are lost.  I have found you.

I will come and fertilize the the seed of wanting within your consciousness.  The cost is losing your found individuality of making choices.

Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1711 on: February 07, 2017, 04:09:03 pm »

Snippet of something I've had boiling in my head for a while, inspired by one of my oddly self-consistent dreams.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Also sort of an exercise in conveying setting information without expositing or being confusing. Any thoughts on how I did on those? Also feedback in general would be nice. I am way out of the writing habit.
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Avis-Mergulus

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1712 on: February 07, 2017, 05:25:40 pm »

Snippet of something I've had boiling in my head for a while, inspired by one of my oddly self-consistent dreams.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Also sort of an exercise in conveying setting information without expositing or being confusing. Any thoughts on how I did on those? Also feedback in general would be nice. I am way out of the writing habit.
I kinda like that scene.

Spoiler: Minor criticism: (click to show/hide)

As far as setting information goes, I got this: ghosts use tools and have preferences; the tools are real/corporeal in their own right; ghosts either are invisible and incorporeal or can become so (perhaps they exist as a corporeal entity in a parallel place from which they can reach out?); ghosts can be killed by grey iron wetted with saliva (possibly other genetic material?), but doing this exposes the owner of the material in question somehow. Is that right? All in all, I thought the background information was nicely woven in with the actual scene, it wasn't jarring or anything.
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1713 on: February 08, 2017, 02:45:21 pm »

Spoiler: Minor criticism: (click to show/hide)

Hah, well there's a flaw in my communication. :P

I was trying to imply that since tracking your opponent is based mostly on a kind of very rough sense of their movement and presence, any kind of fighting is a game of chicken where if you hold still your opponent will find it harder to track you, but if you make an attack and miss, you're wide open. Additionally, since you can't grapple your opponent, you're a lot more likely to miss even barring the fact that you can't see them.

Thanks for the feedback and the compliment!
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I am on Discord as Arx#2415.
Hail to the mind of man! / Fire in the sky
I've been waiting for you / On this day we die.

Avis-Mergulus

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1714 on: February 08, 2017, 03:03:56 pm »

Ah, so the ghost can't see her either! I could have guessed that, but I guess I had a brainfart there. That makes more sense.
I guess wildly stabbing and slashing every which way when you hear the opponent move nearby would also be a viable tactic? Presumably you feel resistance whenever your blade contacts something, so you could pinpoint them with a wide slash, and then stab the shit out of them before they could react.

Let me see if I get this right this time: both combatants are corporeal, but each of them is in their own world, so to speak; a wetted grey iron blade somehow exists in both worlds; so when you wet your blade, entities in the other world can detect you by its movement? Is there another way to detect an opponent before they wet their blade? The ghost does detect the protagonist somehow, presumably.

This is a more intriguing mechanic than I initially thought.
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1715 on: February 08, 2017, 04:09:50 pm »

You're mostly correct. I'll almost certainly write more stuff about this, which will probably clear up some stuff (in my head too).
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I am on Discord as Arx#2415.
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Parsely

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1716 on: February 08, 2017, 05:09:13 pm »

I really like your ghost world mechanics Arx. Looking forward to reading more!
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aDwarfNamedUrist

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1717 on: February 08, 2017, 05:54:53 pm »

A short story I wrote because *thinking* well now I don't remember

Hugo vs. Cthulu'orobis:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: February 08, 2017, 05:57:01 pm by aDwarfNamedUrist »
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itisnotlogical

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1718 on: February 12, 2017, 10:04:44 am »

*pokes head in* is... is fanfiction allowed? I'm pretty embarassed that frickin frackin' Touhou shipping is what inspired me to write after years of being in a creative drought but fuck it. It ain't finished, before anybody starts wondering where the ending is.

« Last Edit: February 12, 2017, 10:07:23 am by itisnotlogical »
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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1719 on: March 17, 2017, 08:36:23 pm »

I released another e-novella today! Nathaniel Cannon and the Lost City of Pitu is an adventure set in an alternate 1929, where zeppelins and skypirates roam the airways.

I'm doing some giveaway action to promote the release. There are five free copies of my previous novella, We Sail Off To War, available at Smashwords, with the coupon code LV95G. They're earmarked for Bay12 specifically. I'm really a lurker hereabouts nowadays, but the various writing threads I've participated in and AARs I've done over the years have been great sources of inspiration and encouragement, so I wanted to give a little something back during my shameless plug.

Aliemma

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1720 on: March 26, 2017, 01:27:46 am »

PTW and eventually write bits of backstory for FEF characters.
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1721 on: April 06, 2017, 07:07:42 am »

I released another e-novella today! Nathaniel Cannon and the Lost City of Pitu is an adventure set in an alternate 1929, where zeppelins and skypirates roam the airways.

The description was intriguing enough that I gave it a purchase. I hope self-publishing works out for you and wish you luck in future endeavours!
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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1722 on: April 06, 2017, 01:51:49 pm »

I released another e-novella today! Nathaniel Cannon and the Lost City of Pitu is an adventure set in an alternate 1929, where zeppelins and skypirates roam the airways.

The description was intriguing enough that I gave it a purchase. I hope self-publishing works out for you and wish you luck in future endeavours!

Thanks! I hope the story lives up to the back cover blurb.

hops

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1723 on: April 09, 2017, 01:17:30 pm »

Allow me to shill something here

Also, I bought your novella, it seems intriguing.
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Fishbreath

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1724 on: April 09, 2017, 08:05:55 pm »

Allow me to shill something here

Also, I bought your novella, it seems intriguing.

Thank you. On both points, actually—I really enjoy web fiction, and there aren't a lot of good sources for straight-up reviews and analysis which don't require sifting through a lot of different reviewers. I look forward to seeing your take on things.

I do want to note, though, that mirroring inaccessible fiction until told to take it down puts you on shaky legal ground, as far as American copyright law goes. You may want to reconsider that one to save yourself potential trouble down the road.
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