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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 193560 times)

aDwarfNamedUrist

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1770 on: April 17, 2017, 05:44:35 pm »

A short story I wrote for English class.
Spoiler: The Dragon King (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 17, 2017, 05:49:53 pm by aDwarfNamedUrist »
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1771 on: April 17, 2017, 06:41:06 pm »

@aDwarfNamedUrist,

Any particular requirements for class for this piece?

Essentially, the problem here is that this is all summary for the most part, and every good story must strike a good balance between summary and description. The only "scene" so to speak, is at the beginning where Henry leaves the farm.

The scene itself is actually pretty good. It establishes the world, our character, and his quest--which is perfect, but even here you just have a random "a few hours" to summarize the in-between of things.

In the most basic sense, a story is life minus all the boring parts, but once you cut out the boring parts you have to arrange what is left in such a way to add meaning and purpose to those events. A good rule to help you out is "Get in late; get out early." As it was explained to me, a good scene is like a party. You want to arrive just in time for the fun stuff, and leave before clean up (because we're all assholes, lol.) Usually, this is thrown around in class to tell people to cut either the end or beginning of a scene, but it works the other way around as well.

A perfunctory analysis might indicate that you should cut the whole bittersweet day at the so-and-so farm, as we don't care and the family is not in the story. Just start it already in the carriage. Have him recollect how he got here and where he wants to go and why. Throw a wrench, like the tattoo in here, give us something to worry and niggle over right off the back. Really pile on the misery for Henry, obstacle after obstacle after obstacle.

I don't want to get too macro immediately, and pile on all the information about storytelling, but a the structure of a scene is the same as the story as whole. In this instance:

Henry wants to get somewhere.
|
V
Obstacle to completing that. Physical or emotional conflict.
|
V
The Pivotal Moment. He either gets to where he's going, or doesn't. Up to you.
|
V
Resolution. What does Henry do now?

One last thing. Stories can meander a bit, as long as every scene reveals interesting things about the world, interesting things about the characters, or new information regarding the plot (quest). Not every scene has to do all three, but you should always keep in mind the pacing of the story and the fact that you need to reveal a certain amount of information to keep readers interested.

In all, more like a nice outline. In fact, if spaced out every sentence and listed them, you would find the perfect outline to a novel, every sentence the description of a scene. Keep writing my good Sir, and you will find yourself getting quite good at it.
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aDwarfNamedUrist

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1772 on: April 17, 2017, 08:45:57 pm »

It is for a literary magazine,so it couldn't be longer than about 4 pages. I also only had a weekend to write  so I didn't have as much time as I would want
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The Moonlit Shadow

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1773 on: April 18, 2017, 06:30:54 pm »

Couple of thoughts, in blue in the story.

A short story I wrote for English class.
Spoiler: The Dragon King (click to show/hide)

Something I'd like mention is that whenever you have a new/different speaker, you should make a new paragraph. Yes, it's necessary, as a formatting thing.
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Th4DwArfY1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1774 on: May 11, 2017, 12:56:07 pm »

---- actually, changed my mind ----
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AlStar

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1775 on: May 18, 2017, 03:56:26 pm »

Bit of cross-pollination - I wrote this (short?) (micro?) fiction story in an attempt to win a game on the Other Games Forum. The theme was Dwarves IN SPACE (and/or also maybe Communism.) Sadly, I didn't win, but I did produce words - and I find myself curious what others think of them:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

eerr

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1776 on: May 18, 2017, 07:20:01 pm »

I like it, not too long and not filled with any huge mistakes. I deem this short story a worthy read.

Bit of cross-pollination - I wrote this (short?) (micro?) fiction story in an attempt to win a game on the Other Games Forum. The theme was Dwarves IN SPACE (and/or also maybe Communism.) Sadly, I didn't win, but I did produce words - and I find myself curious what others think of them:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You seem to swap from narrator voice to personal narration. You can write both in the same essay, but usually people stick to one style. Certainly you want to stick to active voice, regardless.

You need to work on the clumsy swapping viewpoint. You can make multiple viewpoints work. I previously worked those angles before. But most writers in their right mind give point of view swapping, a huge berth. Most writers only do it when strictly necessary. For example, switching from a narrator to a speaker. And even then most writers use only that one transition, and only when strictly necessary. I also highly recommend paragraph breaks between your narration, and Urist's narration. Making those builds readability, and coherency, for the reader.

Balls deep in proof-reading the essay, I realized you just wanted some eyes-on. So if you want I can help edit.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2017, 08:43:36 pm by eerr »
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eerr

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1777 on: May 18, 2017, 08:12:05 pm »

A short story I wrote for English class.
 

 
Quote
The day went on like this until the early afternoon. Then, they stopped at a city, the city of Mesopolis.
 

Just edit those words. Write out the passage of time. Slowly read and come to understand. Learn timing!

You wrote all of the narrated sections, including the passage of time, in passive voice.
While you know both,
the source,
the destination,
and presumably the reasons henceforth,
-at every part.

Add in the source of each action, and revise for passive voice.

Aside from that, all that advice about cutting half your essay from that other guy? Pointless I say!
Passive voice makes everything, including scene setting, non-boring! So revise it before you find yourself short on words.
Before you simply write more.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2017, 08:39:42 pm by eerr »
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The Moonlit Shadow

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1778 on: May 22, 2017, 10:45:41 am »

Eh, I find it got pretty wordy and it was making it boring to read.
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Comrade P.

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1779 on: May 24, 2017, 04:11:19 pm »

Salutations, members of the noble trade.

I've recently started a series of short stories. I publish them on Reddit. It's about humans fucking about with gods and aliens in noosphere (author's rendition of it).

Part I - Through the Veil
Part II - Staring into the Void
Part III - The God-Child

I don't really get that much feedback there, but I wish to improve myself. I'm working on my grammar - apparently I struggle with correct use of definite articles.

P.S. All that and a bag of potato chips (editable google docs)
« Last Edit: May 24, 2017, 04:18:11 pm by Comrade P. »
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Th4DwArfY1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1780 on: May 24, 2017, 05:23:01 pm »

Ironically, it should probably be "apparently I struggle with the correct use of definite articles."
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Parsely

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1781 on: May 24, 2017, 06:57:44 pm »

Salutations, members of the noble trade.

I've recently started a series of short stories. I publish them on Reddit. It's about humans fucking about with gods and aliens in noosphere (author's rendition of it).

Part I - Through the Veil
Part II - Staring into the Void
Part III - The God-Child

I don't really get that much feedback there, but I wish to improve myself. I'm working on my grammar - apparently I struggle with correct use of definite articles.

P.S. All that and a bag of potato chips (editable google docs)
I made it through Part I but it just didn't hold my interest. I wasn't really sure what was being set up or where the story was going by the end of it.
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Comrade P.

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1782 on: May 25, 2017, 03:28:42 am »

Ironically, it should probably be "apparently I struggle with the correct use of definite articles."
That's the esssence of the problem right there, is what it is.

I made it through Part I but it just didn't hold my interest. I wasn't really sure what was being set up or where the story was going by the end of it.
Yeah, I guess that is true. I had high hopes on the last sentence to bait the reader. I also hoped that a little bite of the upcoming part in the end of each current one will help to put parts together somewhat, with perspective jumping between sites every time. I'm going for repetitive pattern Aliens-Humans-Synthia, perspective-wise.
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1783 on: June 01, 2017, 03:43:24 pm »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Keeping the oral tradition alive by telling stories over Discord, apparently. This is a traditional folk tale, but I've forgotten which African culture it's from. ;_;

Apologies for the weird formatting. Like I said, story told over Discord. :p
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Th4DwArfY1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1784 on: June 07, 2017, 06:29:13 pm »

Nice story!

I came here for some advice on story structure. How should a scene/chapter be laid out? I've never had any instruction in story lore, so suspect my efforts are similar to those of a child gambolling through a field of wheat.

A la May, I suppose.
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