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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 160789 times)

The Moonlit Shadow

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1815 on: April 03, 2018, 06:25:21 am »

Especially at this point, any activity is a good thing. So please post it here.
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1816 on: April 04, 2018, 10:08:10 pm »

The intro to the story, tried to clean it up some...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1817 on: April 06, 2018, 03:51:18 am »

Speaking of activity...

Double Edge: The Rekilling

A rather silly title for a rather unsilly story. Elevator pitch for the universe:

Magic is highly accessible, but at absurd cost to yourself. The only way to offset this is to subjugate others and pump the backlash into them every time you use it. Enter Double Edge, an extra-legal hit squad comprised of the only magicians crazy enough to take the price on the chin. Their mission: hunt down and destroy other magicians.

If anyone has any thoughts, I'm interested. I'm almost happy with this just because I managed to write a story longer than the briefest of flash fiction without waffling. :P
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Aylokat

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1818 on: April 22, 2018, 11:29:08 am »

If anyone has any thoughts, I'm interested. I'm almost happy with this just because I managed to write a story longer than the briefest of flash fiction without waffling. :P


I like the idea of crazy wizards hunting amoral wizards in a sort of shadowy game of cat and mouse. Instant high stakes and unpredictable situations. Good. Lots of potential.

Unfortunately, there is an immediate problem with the premise when it starts with the characters being decidedly not crazy and concerned about the risks of their jobs, and ends with Sarah lamenting the very idea of magic because she suffered the seemingly most basic cost of magic (the elevator pitch cannot be inferred from the story at all).

I understand the feeling of finally finishing a scene in its entirety, and in that vein I recognize the associated flaws. The major ones being that it is written to be read with a full understanding of the work that only the author has and that it lacks details that were in the mind of the author but not in the text, making it confusing and abrupt for the ignorant reader.

If your characters interact with the environment you should first establish the environment; set the scene. You should also establish what the characters are wearing if that is a plot point. There is no reason for the reader to assume that they are not wearing inconspicuous clothes. As a rule, you want to ease the reader into the mindset of your work. You introduce him gradually or else he won't understand the tone.


Spoiler (click to show/hide)


Confused as I was, I enjoyed it all the same. I would be glad to see you grow accustomed to writing these larger pieces, Arx, as I would like to read more. I hope this was of some use to you.
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Arx

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1819 on: April 23, 2018, 02:52:35 am »

Hey! Thanks for the feedback (and welcome to Bay12). It's incomplete, yes, which is something of an issue. In an ideal universe, I would have written several follow-up stories to this by now, but I do not have that sort of time right now. >_>

That's part of what causes things like Sarah seeming too sane for the elevator pitch and the characterisation feeling thin. I should really work on that.

Most of your points are valid! I just want to touch on a few issues of language and grammar quickly.

No one is not hyphenated, like no person.

I write in British English (specifically South African English, but since I avoid slang except in dialogue you probably can't tell). British English hyphenates many words American English does not.


All right is a statement that everything is well, so avoid alright, as that contrasted with other al- words implies a separate meaning. Similar forms have such different meanings. Ex. already: now / previously, and all ready: entirely prepared.
[/quote]

Written as intended. By "alright", she means that she's clear and Timur can move. "All right" would be a bit of a weird construction in context.

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Of course consists of two words, no need to hyphenate for an interjection.

I agree in principle, but it feels smoother in practice. I'll have to think about this a bit.

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There is no need to write out Mhmm and then describe it. One or the other suffices.

There are about a thousand ways you can intone a wordless murmur. :P I wanted to make it clear which.

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There is lack of decisive narration, leading to the reader having to make baseless assumptions. When Travis was carried to success, literally, was he physically carried by zombies? Why wouldn't he be?

...because that makes no sense at all? It's a turn of phrase I went back and forth on for a while. On the whole, I think it would be better suited as something else, but not because I think there's a risk of the average reader thinking that zombies physically carried Travis, in person, to some physical location denoting success.

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The narration in the directly following paragraphs is written as if it were one of the characters telling a coworker in a bar, as it is strangely familiar with the subject matter without explaining the circumstances. It skips over gathering evidence. It mentions graves that are too fresh, admits a coincidental string of missing persons, a vague statement, and ends on the note that Travis does not go the company office often. On these grounds they schedule an assassination.

Hmm. It was meant to be quite a broad-strokes picture, glossing over details, but I guess I went too far in that direction. I detest exposition crammed in unnaturally, which sometimes leads to e jumping through weird hoops to try to avoid it.

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Reading it went well until I got utterly bewildered why they were leaving before eliminating their target, only to go back and inconclusively resolve that his death was implied. Then it only got worse with the spray painting. I thought Sarah was meant to paint the back of the house.

I can see how you got there, yeah. I thought it was clearer at the time, thank you.

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I thought they were locked in a room after a mission went horribly wrong.

Any chance you could elaborate on this? It's mentioned pretty early on that they're outside a mansion.

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The characters do not sound like they are doing something dangerous. They sound like they are limping away from unimpressive failure. Timor was unconcerned about crippled at the start of breaching a necromancer's house. When Sarah says "What? Stub your toe?" it does not seem like she thinks there is any real danger, despite the zombie that broke Timor's arm. But two paragraphs later the muted sound of keys struck fear of a zombie horde into their hearts.

Good point. I flubbed the chronology there, thanks.

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The individual sentences are very confusing. Because "Sarah affected a gravelly voice." has a full stop it comes across as either a random piece of information about her preferences or that the pain was starting to influence her vocal cords.

I did not realise that could be taken that way! Thank you.

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But the opposite problem is also present. Too many sentences are two or more unrelated clauses. I only now realized that the "She didn't look much better" sentence did not mean that she was in a poor state after sitting in the cold but rather that she was scarred too.

Interesting. I would never have taken the meaning you did from that paragraph. I'll have to think about that.

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I have many unanswered questions after reading this twice such as:
Why did the medic like no other not bring painkillers? Or administer beforehand? They talk about routine work, so she must have been through the pain enough to prepare accordingly.

Any painkiller strong enough to stop a broken arm making you crotchety would also put you out like a light, as far as I know. I personally avoid opioids before breaking and entering. :P

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If Travis was trying to hide his nature, why did he put a zombie in his backyard or imprison people in his bedroom rather than a basement?

He uses them on construction sites. His back yard and bedroom are hardly more conspicuous. :P

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If Double Edge is extralegal, why do they sneak around? If they want to remain secret, why do they spray paint their insignia on the front door?

I'm using "extralegal" in the sense of "not sanctioned by law". I would have thought it was fairly clear why they work quietly and only mark what they've done afterwards - easier not to attract attention until it's too late for anyone to interfere.

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What does it mean when a person is a "total twist"? I assume it means that a person is twisted, but I can't find a source on that, only that in that context it refers to a young woman.

Idiomatic language. A twist is slang for a sadist or psychopath.

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There are quite a few things I would say about each line, but this post is dragging on, so I'll do one.

I'll explain my thinking here.

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this implies that standing up contributed to the popping and creaking]

That would be because it does.

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this sentence detrimentally combines the lockpicking with his scars and also his current state

The intention was to indicate that the cause was the cold.

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imprecise. It is obviously meant to say that it hurt him, but literally it says that it just didn't heal him. Unless the narration is meant to be imprecise this is a problem

If the meaning is obvious, there is no problem here. I would go so far as to say the "implication" is so strong as to be nearly explicit. It's a common idiom.

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the overuse of "as" and "while" aid the growth of this conglomerate. Additionally, the pronoun "their" doesn't have nouns to refer to other than "aches"

I'm a little confused what you're getting at here. I probably do overuse "as" and "while", but certainly not in that paragraph; and yes, "their" refers to the aches. That's also a common idiomatic construction.

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this implies he is lifting the padlock up to him rather than taking it into his hand. Once again, "lock" doesn't refer to the padlock, unless there is no other lock on the door

I wouldn't say it necessarily implies that. And it's pretty explicit that it refers to the padlock, unless you're in the habit of ripping the locks out of doors to pick them up...? There's really no other lock he could be picking up, here, particularly since it's been explicitly labeled as "the padlock" in the previous sentence.

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Confused as I was, I enjoyed it all the same. I would be glad to see you grow accustomed to writing these larger pieces, Arx, as I would like to read more. I hope this was of some use to you.

I'll be writing more when I have the time. I'll see about being more clear.

Thank you for the feedback! I know I've disagreed with a lot of it, but if you could elaborate on the parts I've disagreed with that would be a big help. I may well just not understand what you were driving at.
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I am on Discord as Arx#2415.
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And if it kills me tonight / I will be ready to die.

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Aylokat

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1820 on: April 23, 2018, 02:14:37 pm »

Hello, Arx, thank you for welcoming me (I am not sure if I should respond to that, but politeness pays politeness).


...because that makes no sense at all? It's a turn of phrase I went back and forth on for a while. On the whole, I think it would be better suited as something else, but not because I think there's a risk of the average reader thinking that zombies physically carried Travis, in person, to some physical location denoting success

Apologies, I was jokingly indicating that, the way it was written, zombies physically carrying Travis was the literal interpretation, not that it was likely to be read as such (I only saw it on my second read, specifically trying to look for something like that). The point was that concrete and unambiguous writing reduces likelihood of being misunderstood (ironic that I failed at just that). I now see how stupid my sentence reads without the tone I imagined. Let that be a lesson in properly conveying meaning.

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Any chance you could elaborate on this? It's mentioned pretty early on that they're outside a mansion.

I meant that when I started reading I perceived them to be in a room based on the first few cues, and then when I read that they were in a mansion's backyard I was jarred. I did not mean to say that there was anything indicating that they were in a room, but that it was mentioned after I imagined the scene to be Timor trying to break out of a room. My point was that an "establishing shot," like in film, would orient the reader and leave the attention on what is happening, rather than where.

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Any painkiller strong enough to stop a broken arm making you crotchety would also put you out like a light, as far as I know. I personally avoid opioids before breaking and entering. :P

Good point. If I was crazy enough to be a wizard hunter I would not mind being out of my mind on opioids, though I cannot imagine sneaking into yards that way.

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I'm using "extralegal" in the sense of "not sanctioned by law". I would have thought it was fairly clear why they work quietly and only mark what they've done afterwards - easier not to attract attention until it's too late for anyone to interfere.

I must admit the idea of extralegal meaning illegal did not occur to me, especially with Timor and Sarah described as "two armed soldiers." It seemed plausible enough to me that they were a government's last-ditch effort to stop the worst abusers of magic.

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He uses them on construction sites. His back yard and bedroom are hardly more conspicuous. :P

Now I have the image of zombies at construction site sitting on a girder, trying and failing to wolf whistle at people passing by in my head.

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Written as intended. By "alright", she means that she's clear and Timur can move. "All right" would be a bit of a weird construction in context.
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I agree in principle, but it feels smoother in practice. I'll have to think about this a bit.

I suppose alright could indicate pronunciation as a single word, lessening the all, resulting in something like OL-RITE instead of AWL-RITE. As far as I am aware, there is no difference in meaning between alright and all right - other than me shedding a single tear on the roadside at the sight.
Much like the above, hyphens in elaborate constructions of of course could imply that it is being said quickly, almost as one word. As long as the way it is intended is made clear, this style could be effective at conveying a character's emotion. Just a single line of dialog noting the way a character speaks is enough to assuage the doubt in the reader's mind whether it is just the character's mode of speech or a mistake or a hitherto unknown rule of English sending the reader racing to a modern style guide.

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Hmm. It was meant to be quite a broad-strokes picture, glossing over details, but I guess I went too far in that direction. I detest exposition crammed in unnaturally, which sometimes leads to e jumping through weird hoops to try to avoid it.

The thing about the exposition of finding out Travis is that you could avoid it entirely by simply stating he was suspicious and give a vague but striking explanation like: Necromancy is dirty business, and Travis tracked mud all over the kitchen tiles. But finding his ilk is the easy part. The hard part is not joining their undead servants in unpaid overtime. In this case, the metaphor distances the reader from the specifics and the reader will fill in the blanks, and Double Edge will look more mysterious for it. It also imparts the knowledge that Timor and Sarah breaking in is the exciting part.
The trouble about writing fiction is that you feel a compulsion to explain something, out of a feeling that lacking information will cause the reader to not believe you. But the reader will believe you if you state the minimal context like someone would about an event in reality. Someone telling the story of meeting his partner will not bother to explain why either of them were at the locale, in fact it would seem suspicious. I had accepted that Timor and Sarah were going after a necromancer, as I just assumed that an organization like Double Edge would have the means to find wizards.

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Interesting. I would never have taken the meaning you did from that paragraph. I'll have to think about that.

Yeah, that is the difficult part, to understand what someone unfamiliar with the story might infer from it. Because the paragraph before focuses on Timor's aches and pains seemingly worsened by the cold I read the next paragraph to be about how it affected Sarah. I read "She didn't look much better" as being somewhat a turn of phrase about well-being in a similar sense of She isn't doing so hot. I did not expect it to be literal after the "no favours" line.

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That would be because it does.

I had the idea that the Double Edge members (at the time thinking they were government agents) were in top condition despite the scars, so I thought it strange that Timor standing up would make noise. Your explanation makes sense now that I know they are not necessarily elite agents.

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The intention was to indicate that the cause was the cold.

I sincerely apologize for my "detrimentally combines" line; I had to read that a few times just now to understand I had meant by that. It was supposed to note that the individual points of the sentence (Timor breaking in, his scars / old wounds, current pain and cold) were weakened by being put together in a single sentence and so couldn't be appreciated fully. The way I read it, it goes STIFF MUSCLES--LOCKPICKING->COLD->SCARS->PAIN->SCARS->LOCKPICKING, which is why I read the next paragraph to be about their current health.

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If the meaning is obvious, there is no problem here. I would go so far as to say the "implication" is so strong as to be nearly explicit. It's a common idiom.

Sorry, again. That was the same point as the zombie carrying.

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I'm a little confused what you're getting at here. I probably do overuse "as" and "while", but certainly not in that paragraph; and yes, "their" refers to the aches. That's also a common idiomatic construction.

This was about the combination of the different points. I actually thought the scars were hurting, like they never fully healed.

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I wouldn't say it necessarily implies that. And it's pretty explicit that it refers to the padlock, unless you're in the habit of ripping the locks out of doors to pick them up...? There's really no other lock he could be picking up, here, particularly since it's been explicitly labeled as "the padlock" in the previous sentence.

I meant that the lock referring to the padlocked door confused me because the first paragraph mentions that Timor has picks which he uses for a lock. I do not understand Timor picking the padlock up again either as I assumed his hands were holding the picks and so he never picked it up in the first place.


It's fine to disagree, better that than politely letting me ramble! But really, I wish to communicate accurately, so I thank you for pointing out my failings so that I may improve. And I am glad that you got something out of this, Arx.
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Th4DwArfY1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1821 on: April 23, 2018, 02:20:13 pm »

I'm glad there's some activity here for once. The place had started to feel like the tomb.

Actually, would anyone be up for a resumption of the contest? I think I might enjoy it.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2018, 02:24:07 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Aylokat

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1822 on: April 24, 2018, 01:30:05 am »

Oh, certainly. It would be good fun and a learning experience for all, I hope. I for one love writing and talking about writing, so no matter what I would enjoy it as well.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2018, 01:35:22 am by Aylokat »
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Levity

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1823 on: May 03, 2018, 01:15:14 pm »

There came across the ruined wall a knight of endless watch, who by enchantment had stood as still as stone for numberless days and nights, as rock warmed, cooled and cracked and crumbled around him as he waited for one to step across his runic boundary, at which he would draw his black blade hissing from its sheath, and advance upon the intruder with oaths spoken through his visor blacker than all his nights alone.
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1824 on: May 03, 2018, 03:38:57 pm »

I dream of a day when this thread thrives and bustles and we will write like we have never written before. I think the main problem is the scarcity of commenters, though. Why bother posting anything if you won't get any comments and critique? I'm not sure how to encourage this more. Outright demanding you comment on others' works before posting your own is probably a bit too much (I've seen it elsewhere, and it tends to result in vague and forced commentary).

I guess we should lead by example, so here goes for Arx:


As for my own contribution, a start to something I've never actually managed to continue much. It's sat sad and alone in my documents for ages, so I thought I might as well share it for comments. I started writing it without any idea where it was going, which maybe shows - it's a character piece, mainly, playing with dialogue and description. Here goes, please take a crack at it!
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Aylokat

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1825 on: May 04, 2018, 02:13:21 am »

I dream of a day when this thread thrives and bustles and we will write like we have never written before.

Yes, the lack of interaction in critique is something I have noticed over the long course of this thread. I do not post any work of my own because I want to focus on examining the work is posted. Hopefully the activity now will draw in more. I recall the contests in the past being successful in that regard.

Lead by example, indeed!:




On the topic of a renewed writing contest, a weekly and short at first to ease into it will be wise.
It could be a prompt or an exercise. For instance, writing a story without directly stating anything, say by similes and metaphors or implication or rambling and incoherent dialog. Or a mix of prompt and exercise by giving a prompt of incongruous ideas to combine.
An extended example: 1# pizzeria, 2# alien spaceship, #3 mime(s). The interesting part is that it could be interpreted many ways, like it being a mime-run pizzeria and the aliens are stopping by on route to delivering space-wood, or that the alien spaceship is a traveling pizzeria where the menu options are exclusively ordered through pretending to be food, or a pizza delivery boy who drives a salvaged Russian spaceship (there was no mention of the alien spaceship not being from Earth) to a baseball game and a baseball strikes him in the throat and he tries to explain that with gestures to the customer why he was late. In summary, sometimes rules can give artistic freedom by letting the writer imagine the many ways the set points could connect and interact.

Please, do tell me what you think, I welcome it heartily.
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Levity

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1826 on: May 04, 2018, 05:37:42 am »


EDIT: With the knight and his sudden emotional outburst, this is something that I did A LOT, in my early writings. It seems like a great idea to spur on the story with some strong emotions and a sense of conflict, but when someone else reads it on the page, it makes the characters seem a little too volatile, a little bit child-like, when they waver between such heightened emotional states so quickly. Characters are hard, and I would recommend putting plenty of thought into them. Really think to yourself: Does this read like a plausible human being?
« Last Edit: May 04, 2018, 05:43:26 am by Levity »
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Aylokat

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1827 on: May 04, 2018, 06:57:26 am »

Levity, your contribution to the discussion is as good as any I could have hoped for. That was nice to read. Good writing, interesting ideas.

If I may add to those points: In my experience, repeated outbursts of emotion from the characters are more a failing of build-up, not quite conveying the scene in your mind, thus seeming unjustified. When in doubt, add more steps and by extension nuance.
The vital aspect for character-building (not that inspecting what impression the characters make is something to be avoided) is an internal logic for each character, where he acts in his own interest on accord of his thoughts and feelings instead of what the story demands. As long as the logic is kept consistent, it does not matter how strange or broken it is, if presented to be entirely the reasoning of the character. I am a great fan of character-driven conflict; it amounts to moving parts comprising wholes tilting and whirling to new, rapidly changing stimuli.
Whether implausible characters are bad depends on the framework, if the cast meant as a set of rounded, reasonable people, or a set of exaggerated types simplified to eliminate unnecessary traits. Sometimes an absurd personality can draw greater success from a scene than a sensible one, as, say, a megalomaniac playing pretend knight-errant to which other, more normal characters can respond.


EDIT: I suppose this goes without saying, but I will anyway: I am looking forward to what you will write in the future, Levity.
« Last Edit: May 04, 2018, 07:15:09 am by Aylokat »
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Th4DwArfY1

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1828 on: May 04, 2018, 03:26:15 pm »

There came across the ruined wall a knight of endless watch, who by enchantment had stood as still as stone for numberless days and nights, as rock warmed, cooled and cracked and crumbled around him as he waited for one to step across his runic boundary, at which he would draw his black blade hissing from its sheath, and advance upon the intruder with oaths spoken through his visor blacker than all his nights alone.
Decided to write something around this:


Gawain stood.

Something was drip. Drip. Dripping behind him. For how long? Fifty years, a hundred? He couldn't be sure. Indeed, years were obsolete. The drip had become his way of telling time. One thousand eight hundred and ninety nine drips. One thousand nine hundred drips. On until the sun set in front of him, burning his lidless eyes, blinding him daily. Then he would start again.

He hated that sun. Vaguely, so vaguely that it seemed like a memory made of mist, he remembered a past when that had not been so. Stretching his memory - his imagination? - he saw a pair of brown eyes, felt a pair of spectral hands on his head. He wondered at that, at who she was. Now, when the pregnant clouds rolled down from the Rim Mountains and blocked the light, he blessed them. Though the sound of the rain did interrupt his careful tabulation of time.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Gawain stood.

In the distance, his eyes saw a speck. People coming. If he could have frowned, he would; the ruins of Tol Daren had not seen visitors in.... so long that his mind rebounded at the thought. It grew larger, and larger. Three hundred thousand drips later, they were close enough for him to see the lumbering beasts, the grey-beard at the front with his walking staff. It was a caravan, tired-looking women and children strung out in a line with hard-faced men to the sides. The old man weaved erratically in front of them all. The cut of their clothes was alien to him, but fashion, as he well knew, changed. His own set of obsidian armour likely belonged in one of their museums.

The old man stopped a few paces from Gawain, and drew a long draught from the flask at his side. His eyes ranged over the ruined buildings, the symbols etched clearly into the ground despite the grinding of the years. Gawain knew what they said. Warning, they cried. Danger. Do not cross. The old man's face lit up. The caravan caught up to him, and one of the women stepped forward with a babe-in-arms.

Grey beard gestured expansively in front of him. "Behold, Veronica! I have delivered our people from the scourge of the Daidier... Dayder..."

"Derdimon," the woman said.

"Yes! The Derdimune. This is the capital of Visothie. We'll not be followed." He spat to the side. "Superstitious fools."

The others were gathering now, and one of the men pointed to the symbols cut into the ground.

"Maybe there's something to the rumours... look at those. They don't look like nothing but superstition, Prophet."

"Nonsense! Listen, when I was your age, I explored ruins for a living. They all have curses! And I'm perfectly alright."

The others shuffled their feet, and the 'Prophet' rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. Gawain could smell him, now. Sour berries and travel sweat. One of the children ran forward, thin beneath his simple clothes but with a light of curiosity in his eyes.

"P...prophet? Is that a real Knight?" A shaking finger was pointed at Gawain, and the Prophet's eyes became briefly grim. He took another long pull from his flask, and when it lowered his eyes were full of optimism once more.

"No, Little One. It's a statue of the Mad Prince. It's said he slaughtered the entire city single-handedly, slaying innocents in their beds. It's said his ghost walks the haunted streets with flames in its eyes and murder in its incorporeal heart." He hiccuped, and trailed to a stop. The women in the crowd were glaring at him. It took three drips for him to realise, and when he did he scowled.

"Superstition," he said.

He stepped across the boundary.

Gawain's muscles moved, not stiff as he would have expected. Freely. Limber. Powered by ancient magic. His sword cleared its sheath with a sibilant whisper, soft as a breeze in grass. It was black obsidian. When the Prophet's head tumbled from his shoulders, it was red.

When Gawain spoke, though, his voice creaked like an old man's. They were not even his words, though they would not know that. A sorcerer, long dead, speaking in a forbidden language. Speaking again the spell which would bind Gawain, root him to the earth like a common statue. He would not have long. If any got past to the City Centre, the sorcerer would become.... less dead. He remembered long-gone spoken oaths and recited them where the sorcerer's incantation lulled.

I will defend the city.

I will seal the tomb.

My sentinel will be eternal,

The Mage will know his doom.

Sword will not break

Nor armour rust

Head will not bow

Nor turn to dust

'Til it is done

And Mage is dead.

It no longer bothered him that the words had long since lost their meaning to him. He knew what they meant in spirit. Stand and kill whoever tried to get into the city. The sorcerer could not be allowed to wake. He strained against the spell that poured from his own lips.

It was over before he realised it was, and they all lay before him dead. Two hundred people, maybe more. A village seeking refuge in all the wrong places. He barely had time to return to his place before the sorcerer's curse caught him fully in its snare once more. In front of him, the woman named Veronica stared sightlessly at the damned sun. Her eyes, he noticed, were brown.

Behind him, the drips continued. But slightly different, now.

Drip-drip. Drip-drip. Drip-drip.

His sword, clenched in his hand and freed of its sheath, dripped red onto the thirsty runes at his feet.
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Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination
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Poetry Thread

Aylokat

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #1829 on: May 05, 2018, 02:35:24 am »

Slowly, the thread awakes once more. Marvelous.

Keep the dream alive:


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