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Author Topic: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___  (Read 181049 times)

Tiruin

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #45 on: January 21, 2012, 12:36:06 am »

Alright!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Criticism :( (click to show/hide)

Sorry if I nitpicked. But the story has a good gist in it.  :)
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The Writer's Apprenticeship - A thread dedicated to literary art!

Tales of Shattered Dreams - My RTD, a continuous work in progress.

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #46 on: January 21, 2012, 08:20:13 am »

Thoughts on the criticism: (helpful as hell)

     Thanks man, yes, using many commas is a big problem of mine, I don't know why I do it,  but it happens, like in this sentence I think. (5 in one sentence)

     As to the redundant bit: I thought that If I didn't describe it with both a sound, then a description people might think he was walking strangely when really his shoes were just loud.

     I hate and love semi-colons, they are the bane of my existence, sometimes I'll use them witout knowing it, other times I use them wrongly, but regardless they cripple me. (commas again)

     Finally, I know he seems a bit reserved, and as a result a dull character, however he is supposed to be a proffessional hitman, but if that doesn't satisfy you know that he'll take his anger out further on in the story
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #47 on: January 21, 2012, 08:38:45 am »

You seem to have a common trouble - you don't like to use the word 'said'. Professional writers hate anything else than 'said' with a passion, and though I like using other words from time to time, it's better to stick to said for the most part. It's an invisible word in writing, everything else just sticks out and if there are only such words, the whole text looks stupid.

Related - 'ejaculated'... dear god, why would you use that? It's bad enough with old books (you gotta love it when Watson wakes in the middle of the night to a sudden ejaculation, >_>) but today it has one meaning and one meaning only. Stick to that.
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Tiruin

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #48 on: January 21, 2012, 08:43:27 am »

You could generalize some descriptions though, when people read the imagination sparks alive. Because of this, general terms or adjectives relating to a character (graceful/pleasing/well-muscled...) are seen in their own Mind's eye. So you've just made a character that they can see for themselves.

If you give a character out of the blue, there must be some realization of his/her characteristics or appearance later. Described by an honest witness, or through his/her own eyes. Although I think this is the current gist of how stories are told, some go with mystery at first then reveal it later on.

Example of a description:

The traveler was a big man, a bigness of large, heavy bone and ropy tendon rather than of flesh. His hair was course and black, and at some time his nose had been broken. He rode his horse easily, but with the peculiar alertness of the trained warrior.

((Sorry if I used a professional example...if anyone knows the source, that is.))



And you can worry about grammar and punctuation later on, when the plot is written down, in the refining area. Plot first before typos. I just put in the grammar part to help a bit.

If I seem like complaining about anything in stories, I'm not. Just noting down some parts I *think* need to be improved.  :)

Edit: ^

The meanings of words are sometimes mangled by pop culture, but the general thing is still the same.

Also note, the word "said" is regarded as a passive word by many, many people. They don't mind reading "said", just the usage at the right times.
It's an invisible word in writing, everything else just sticks out and if there are only such words, the whole text looks stupid.

Note: Stick to the common tongue, you could use deeper words in details but use them sparingly or not at all if you do little description. It will be obvious. If you can describe something with light and easily understood words, do it.
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Even though accounts vary, everyone has a legendary story to tell.

The Writer's Apprenticeship - A thread dedicated to literary art!

Tales of Shattered Dreams - My RTD, a continuous work in progress.

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #49 on: January 21, 2012, 08:50:49 am »

Right, so actually how does this place work now? should I continue my story and repost for some more criticism?
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Azated

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #50 on: January 22, 2012, 04:21:22 am »

I've always loved writing, and I've written many short stories in my spare time, so I'll take a shot at this Orb of Zot.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So, let me know what you think.
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #51 on: January 22, 2012, 05:12:24 am »

You probably shouldn't put the dialogue of multiple people on the same line. You get the impression these people are talking to themselves before you reach the end of the sentence.

Heh, I'm tempted to try 'the Orb of Zot' now. Would be good to have some critique myself.
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NobodyPro

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #52 on: January 22, 2012, 06:15:34 am »

Arin I Asolde
Rants on fantasy writing that can also apply to writing in general. Always a good read.
Archive of old rants.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2012, 06:35:23 am by NobodyPro »
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Repulsion

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #53 on: January 25, 2012, 10:06:21 am »

I wrote this short story in math class yesterday. Let me try to find it and edit it in...

Edit: Here it is:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

huh, shorter than I expected. It appears that the paper-to-page length conversion rate is a bit skewed.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2012, 07:30:25 pm by Repulsion »
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Phantom of The Library

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #54 on: January 25, 2012, 10:09:58 am »

Just a quick post to let everyone know that I haven't forgot about this, I've just been very busy and have had too much going on lately in a bunch of areas to be able to sit down and properly analyze something.
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Repulsion

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #55 on: January 25, 2012, 07:31:10 pm »

Posting to attract attention to the fact that I've edited my post.
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Tiruin

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #56 on: January 25, 2012, 11:53:52 pm »

((Don't worry, many still check here  :D ))
Taking this.
Edit: Here it is:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Response (click to show/hide)
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Even though accounts vary, everyone has a legendary story to tell.

The Writer's Apprenticeship - A thread dedicated to literary art!

Tales of Shattered Dreams - My RTD, a continuous work in progress.

raptorfangamer

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #57 on: January 28, 2012, 12:25:01 pm »

Posting to watch, I might come up with a story at some point, trying to go away of diary-like writing where it stops making sense
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The Fool

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #58 on: January 29, 2012, 12:17:21 am »

We should have weekly prompts to help fuel the short stories.
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: ___/The Writer's Apprenticeship\___
« Reply #59 on: January 29, 2012, 12:43:12 am »

Well I've returned to post a second piece, this time I've tried to focus a bit more on trying to begin a story, and a bit of character development, the story is basically a modified telling of my current fort. The written part ends right before I actually describe the fort as I had it written but then my PC crashed (*sadface*) so I'll get that up later, I'm freakin' tired again so I'm sure I've used lots of darned commas again, as usual: please critique and enjoy.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So, hopefully if it's not horrible I'll continue it, i've got a rough idea for the story.
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