> Writing on paper and seeing the same thing on a computer/document will show the difference between how much you've written
> In my opinion, you are repeating words a bit too much. Use synonyms for them--
> If you want, describe
in detail objects that are present in the fantasy setting, many won't recognize things just by name so you will have to go in detail with them. I'm assuming this is fantasy.
> Describe the environment. While I'm not one to comment, you can focus on the protagonist while also on the immediate surroundings or what he/she currently sees. This is a chase/fight scene right? If you want to emphasize the feelings of the character to convey the same to the reader, you must put it down. Even past thoughts of the character would help, "What got me into this? Who is this man?" like so.
> Don't be afraid of putting too much detail! Many stories I've seen (And mostly all of mine) started out as tiny sentences, fractions of them even. Then, by adding more detail, the reader can get a feel of the environment that you are trying to paint out for them.
" A harsh clunk sounded behind him, followed by a high-pitched twang. A gearbow, the man noted with sudden surprise, right before the heavy bolt struck the small of his back.
The man cried out in pain and tripped over his own feet, barreling into the alley wall. He hit the ground hard and groaned in pain."
- Your point of view is mixed up. Third person > First person, but subtly. Instead of 'A harsh clunk sounded behind him', you could try 'He knew his attacker was closing in on him, now more pronounced as he heard the heavy clunk of metal on the Earth. He heard something like a string wind up, followed by a high-pitched twang. He knew, before it hit, that it was all over.
He expected the pain, it did no good though as expectations mostly go. He lost control over his feet as he felt it coursing through his body and tumbled to wall, gasping for breath and feeling his wound. As he fell, he caught sight of what hit him-- a metallic bolt, the size of a man's fist, wedged between his right ribcage.
He could do nothing but cry in pain as he saw his doom approach.
> Many words today have their meanings changed by popular knowledge. Take note of this if you want to go deeper in your vocabulary.
> You could describe the feelings of your protagonist, it adds to the general idea of the story. If he could feel his heart beating as he looked at the other man, it could be implied that his aggressor was a fearsome foe, a hunter or murderer maybe.
It's a good story. I'd like to hear more, heh.