Bay 12 Games Forum
Finally... => Life Advice => Topic started by: Hubris Incalculable on May 10, 2014, 04:15:19 am
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Hey, guys. So, last week my friend, who I haven't seen in a few months, texts me out of the blue, and says he's found a girl he'd like me to meet, and yesterday, after much thought and deliberation, I agreed to meet her. We've now set the date and time, and I'm frightened out of my wits, because, as some of you may know, I've never dated before, and in fact, never had the nerve to ask a girl to dance at a wedding, let alone ask her on a date. I was just hoping for some advice and encouragement from my internet family.
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Do you best not to bleed on her. If you must, try to bleed on her in an endearing fashion.
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Basically the way to talk to potential romantic partners is to just be yourself, or more accurately a more confident version of yourself. Pretty much just act like you normally would with another person but psyche yourself up about it.
Just remember that this girl wants to meet you. She wants to meet you and she wants to have fun with you and all you have to do is be willing to have fun back.
So try and be less terrified is just about all I'm saying :P
Oh and this: Do you best not to bleed on her. If you must, try to bleed on her in an endearing fashion.
Is going right in my sig where it belongs
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Be open and honest. People talk about "confidence" but there's a particular type of confidence that's really needed: If you must be nervous, don't be afraid to tell her you're nervous. Don't be afraid to tell her you're afraid. Holding back is what causes problems and pushes people away.
And of course there's the generic advice of being yourself and whatnot. Let her get to know you. The real you. Maybe she'll like you, maybe she won't, but her not liking you > her liking some facade you put up in her presence.
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I was just hoping for some advice
Don't: do a movie. The purpose of a date is to spend time with someone and get to know them. Not to ignore them and pay attention to something else.
Don't: make eating the focal point of the date. Lots of girls are concerned about their weight. Especially on a date. Eating is a stressful thing. Don't put a girl in the position of putting on a tight outfit to impress you, then making her choose between eating and being uncomfortable, or ordering a salad and being hungry.
Don't: show up with flowers/chocolates/etc. You're trying to date the girl, not bribe her.
Do: do something original. "Dinner and a movie" is as completely generic an boring and unmemorable as you can possibly get. Don't show a girl that your'e boring and unmemorable.
Do: do something that you personally enjoy. If you have fun, you will be showing a girl what you're like when you're fun, and it will be much easier for her to enjoy herself than if you try to impress her with something you don't enjoy.
Do: do something scary or thrilling. Skydiving, ferris wheel, rock climbing, speedboating, riding on the back of your motorcycle, whatever. The human mind finds events that invoke a fight or flight response or fear of possible death, memorable. Do you remember what you had for breakfast two day ago? Probably not. Do you remember the time you almost died, or that one time you went skiing down a mountain 10 years ago? I bet you do. So then why would you take a girl to do something like eat...when you know that's not going to be very memorable? If you want a girl to still be thinking about you days later, then do something that her brain will find easy to remember.
Do: do multiple things. A date where you spend 10 minutes riding a ferris wheel, 30 minutes ice skating, 5 minutes eating ice cream and 10 minutes walking on the beach is way more memorable and interesting than a date spent doing any one of those things for an hour.
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I was just hoping for some advice
Don't: make eating the focal point of the date. Lots of girls are concerned about their weight. Especially on a date. Eating is a stressful thing. Don't put a girl in the position of putting on a tight outfit to impress you, then making her choose between eating and being uncomfortable, or ordering a salad and being hungry.
Eh... It's a bit late for that, now. My friend who is organising this thing (and is driving her from the neighboring town where she lives (neither of us drives, apparently)) already picked a restaurant where we will meet, and, in all likelihood, eat.
The day and time are set (Milestones THURSDAY @8 PST), so, basically all I have to do is prep. And make sure I get there on time, which is always a good thing.
E: OOPS. I MEANT THURSDAY. BLOODY HECK.
Can't have people thinking it's on tonight.
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Don't have anything helpful to say, but good luck and have fun! :)
No need to be terrified. Or so I'm told. I'm not really sure.
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Don't have anything helpful to say, but good luck and have fun! :)
No need to be terrified. Or so I'm told. I'm not really sure.
Thanks mate.
Also, I edited the above post to fix a misleading omission.
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snip
How about
Don't: approach a human being as a pop psychology focus test :P
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Have fun.
That's pretty much the point of it.
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Do: do something original. "Dinner and a movie" is as completely generic an boring and unmemorable as you can possibly get. Don't show a girl that your'e boring and unmemorable.
I'd advise against setting the bar high from the get go, it'll make subsequent "normal" dates seem inadequate and there's only so many original date ideas a man can come up with. In fact, I'd save the "big guns" (skydiving etc) for later.
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Do: do something original. "Dinner and a movie" is as completely generic an boring and unmemorable as you can possibly get. Don't show a girl that your'e boring and unmemorable.
I'd advise against setting the bar high from the get go, it'll make subsequent "normal" dates seem inadequate and there's only so many original date ideas a man can come up with. In fact, I'd save the "big guns" (skydiving etc) for later.
Skydiving is a "big gun date"? I thought that was reserved for ritualized murder?
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Ritualised murder is also best reserved for the second date.
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Ritualised murder is also best reserved for the second date.
Third date. Shi'poopies get you more mana.
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Also in all sorts: Do remember you're talking to a person, regardless of gender. :v
Sentimentalities, for one.
Do: do something original. "Dinner and a movie" is as completely generic an boring and unmemorable as you can possibly get. Don't show a girl that your'e boring and unmemorable.
Like this, for example.
First sentence? Ok.
Second sentence? A spawn of modern advertising and 'omg you shouldn't do this because [reasons]'
Third sentence? Back to Ok.
The advice should be to operate on how you know that person: its all in what you put into that activity rather than the idea of the activity itself. There is no surefire way to do these things other than:
> Do it with all you can, and do not rely on stereotypes or whatever to know a person
> Know a person and understand em when it comes to these scenarios. Specifically, dating.
> Be open. Open minded...and all that.
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Also in all sorts: Do remember you're talking to a person, regardless of gender. :v
Sentimentalities, for one.
Do: do something original. "Dinner and a movie" is as completely generic an boring and unmemorable as you can possibly get. Don't show a girl that your'e boring and unmemorable.
Like this, for example.
First sentence? Ok.
Second sentence? A spawn of modern advertising and 'omg you shouldn't do this because [reasons]'
Third sentence? Back to Ok.
The advice should be to operate on how you know that person: its all in what you put into that activity rather than the idea of the activity itself. There is no surefire way to do these things other than:
> Do it with all you can, and do not rely on stereotypes or whatever to know a person
> Know a person and understand em when it comes to these scenarios. Specifically, dating.
> Be open. Open minded...and all that.
*AHEM*
snip
How about
Don't: approach a human being as a pop psychology focus test :P
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That's what I was saying :v What we're saying is to contradict any uncertainty--however it is up to the OP's knowledge to use such and such.
You could do with a bit of explaining yourself, too. :-\
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That's what I was saying :v What we're saying is to contradict any uncertainty--however it is up to the OP's knowledge to use such and such.
You could do with a bit of explaining yourself, too. :-\
I SAID IT FIRST! NOW GET OFF MAH LAWN :P
also when was your birthday again? I hope I didn't miss it, seeing as you remembered mine.
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July 5, silly. Also ask me that in a PM and not in this kind of thread. xD
Also, as a relevant note, keep your thoughts Simple, H_I. It's like talking to a friend and/or meeting and making a friend. Just like that.
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Also in all sorts: Do remember you're talking to a person, regardless of gender. :v
Sentimentalities, for one.
Do: do something original. "Dinner and a movie" is as completely generic an boring and unmemorable as you can possibly get. Don't show a girl that your'e boring and unmemorable.
Like this, for example.
First sentence? Ok.
Second sentence? A spawn of modern advertising and 'omg you shouldn't do this because [reasons]'
Third sentence? Back to Ok.
The advice should be to operate on how you know that person: its all in what you put into that activity rather than the idea of the activity itself. There is no surefire way to do these things other than:
> Do it with all you can, and do not rely on stereotypes or whatever to know a person
> Know a person and understand em when it comes to these scenarios. Specifically, dating.
> Be open. Open minded...and all that.
In any case, it's probably not worth going overboard on meeting a girl whom I've never met, have only seen in Facebook photos, and am going on a date with as a means of introduction.
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It's like meeting other people...
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It's like meeting other people...
I know.
It's just...
I'm meeting her as a potential romantic interest, rather than as a friend for whom I may later develop an attraction (which i never act on, 'cause nerves). It feels different, anyway.
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Well she's still your friend either way, right?
You can do this! Unless you've any problems still nudging you there?
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Been on one of these before. You should probably realize that if she's being set up for dates, it's improbable that she's some kind of social goddess who has her pick of the man-heap. The guy I went out with was a guy who was, yes, brilliant but was doing a PhD on modeling salmon populations and had a personality rather fitting to that endeavor.
He was pleasant enough, but yeah, don't worry.
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SO HOW DID IT GO?
Did Hubris get that nookie?
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Eh... It went okay. Funny thing, though, I ended up going on a date with a different girl the day before, and, honestly, I liked her better. Turns out, it's easier to have a date with someone when it wasn't set up by a third party. Who'da thunk?
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Eh... It went okay. Funny thing, though, I ended up going on a date with a different girl the day before, and, honestly, I liked her better.
Clearly you need to set up a threesome now :P
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Eh... It went okay. Funny thing, though, I ended up going on a date with a different girl the day before, and, honestly, I liked her better.
Clearly you need to set up a threesome now :P
No.
I don't sex until after the ring. also, monogamy ftw.
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Eh... It went okay. Funny thing, though, I ended up going on a date with a different girl the day before, and, honestly, I liked her better.
Clearly you need to set up a threesome now :P
No.
I don't sex until after the ring. also, monogamy ftw.
...please tell me your name's not Samwise.
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I don't sex until after the ring. also, monogamy ftw.
...please tell me your name's not Samwise.
sigging