Don't be a troll. :P
What Classifies as a cave.
Is this the same guy who is also the reincarnation of grisha5?
Is this the same guy who is also the reincarnation of grisha5?
ACE. Just ACE. A Markov chain generator would produce more coherent posts.
ACE. Just ACE. A Markov chain generator would produce more coherent posts.
This thread's getting locked pretty soon, let's just have fun with it.
>bloop_bleep denounces the teachings of the heretic grisha5 and establishes himself as the new leader of the Twelfth Bay
The second coming of grisha5?It's most likely the third coming, since ACE. has already conducted a coming in the name of grisha5 some time ago.
Or maybe the second coming of tuypo1
shudder
prACE. be
It's cabbage time,babykitty
(http://media.giphy.com/media/baagdTDbn88Ao/giphy.gif)
I thought cats generally didn't eat plants, aside from perhaps catnip. Though evidently that one does.
I thought cats generally didn't eat plants
I'm not entirely sure what's going on here, but just in case...
*REDACTED*
PRACE.!
Big talk for an organization that worships a corpse~
No-sell the electricity as I rush forwards and bury a hatchet in the head of the nearest man, of course.
snip
*HERESY*
(https://dailydot.s3.amazonaws.com/uploaded/images/original/2012/3/11/Leekspin.gif)
(Admit it, you can hear the tune in your head.)
Now now, we got symmetrical rolls, and I get hit while you don't? That's hardly fair. Think I'll have to take those dice from you, you're clearly biased~[4 vs 1] The enforcer uses BS slo-mo, out-of-nowhere, action power to dodge your bullet... He didn't need to do so, though, since you've missed and shoot the sky instead. The enforcers surround and bash you until you lose consciousness. Inquisitors douse you in Promethium!
[2] My fervor for my god completely fails to allow me to ignore the pain! I kneel on the ground.
I draw a ballistic pistol from my jacket and point it at one of the enforcers!
"I will live on in infamy! And you will die ignored and forgotten by your empire. Blood for the Blood God!"
What do?
Inquisitors? They're all a bit high rank for this kinda work, don't you think?
Anyway Khorne cares not from whence the blood flows / all according to kikaku / actually that's my fetish / I'm pretty much immortal anyway thanks to Nurgle's blessing. So I win, and so does every chaos adherent who you kill!
Let us crown Cole King, and let his Law rule forever.I've been thinking about this for a while and I only got it just now.
Okay, let's continue the discussion. What do you think, should we put an end to the attacks on the merchants, who just want to sell some cabbages? After all, it's been scientifically proven that cabbages DO feel pain.No, cabbages are sacred and should be protected.
Okay, let's continue the discussion. What do you think, should we put an end to the attacks on the merchants, who just want to sell some cabbages? After all, it's been scientifically proven that cabbages DO feel pain.No, cabbages are sacred and should be protected.
cabbage is food. You cook it (optional), stuff it into your mouth, chew, swallow, than approx 8 hours later you excrete the digested remains.*wierd is surrounded by people in red robes and hats, wearing Holy Amulets Of Cabbage. What do?*
It is not some Holy Eucharist, and I refuse to treat it as such. Sure, it's quite tasty, but com'on here people.
cabbage is food. You cook it (optional), stuff it into your mouth, chew, swallow, than approx 8 hours later you excrete the digested remains.Blasphemy! We should burn this heretic!
cabbage is food. You cook it (optional), stuff it into your mouth, chew, swallow, than approx 8 hours later you excrete the digested remains.*wierd is surrounded by people in red robes and hats, wearing Holy Amulets Of Cabbage. What do?*
It is not some Holy Eucharist, and I refuse to treat it as such. Sure, it's quite tasty, but com'on here people.
cabbage is food. You cook it (optional), stuff it into your mouth, chew, swallow, than approx 8 hours later you excrete the digested remains.*wierd is surrounded by people in red robes and hats, wearing Holy Amulets Of Cabbage. What do?*
It is not some Holy Eucharist, and I refuse to treat it as such. Sure, it's quite tasty, but com'on here people.
Defiantly eats the Chinese cabbage roll, making a big show of savoring every bite.
cabbage is food. You cook it (optional), stuff it into your mouth, chew, swallow, than approx 8 hours later you excrete the digested remains.*wierd is surrounded by people in red robes and hats, wearing Holy Amulets Of Cabbage. What do?*
It is not some Holy Eucharist, and I refuse to treat it as such. Sure, it's quite tasty, but com'on here people.
Defiantly eats the Chinese cabbage roll, making a big show of savoring every bite.
[2] You greedily devour the Chinese cabbage roll. You could probably shock the Cabbage Inquisition, if you didn't eat so fast. Instead, they think you're just yet another blasphemer.
Inquisition begins to chant something in unknown, long-forgotten language! Whatever they're trying to summon, it'll be summoned the next turn!
Raises a finger, exits to kitchen. Returns with cutting board, head of nappa cabbage, and goodies for making cabbage rolls, including a large cleaver. Begins cutting the cabbage, and creating more cabbage rolls. Arranges them neatly on the now empty plate that had previously contained the already eaten roll, then drizzles them in tasty sauces.
>bloop_bleep arrives at the scene and cleaves in the head of an Inquisitor with a silver warhammer with an image of a burning cabbage on it. "DEATH TO THE HERETICS! BEHOLD, THY NEW GOD![2 vs 1] You kill one, and only one Inquisitor with your silver warhammer, but it's not enough to interrupt or even weaken the chant.
*kicks chicken out of the way*
*Shoves remaining cultist*
*exits to kitchen, to make more cabbage rolls.*
Does Cabbage Roll count as a healing item?
"Behold, fools! I'll show you true food!"[6] You sliced a chicken into pieces instead of just beheading. Chickens are ANGERY!
Grab a chicken by the neck, behead it with sharp knife, use knife to speedily butcher it, removing all feathers and giblets. Flash-roast the chicken using pyromancy (pyromancy doesn't even require any stats, all you need is the flame!), cut cooked bits off of the chicken and apply them to one half the available cabbage rolls, in case anyone here is vegetarian.
Also cast Warmth with my pyromancy flame (Creates a gentle flame that lingers in the air, healing everyone around it gradually. Lasts for 60 seconds (10 rounds)) so that wierd's legs heal.
"Praise be to Gaben, for he has blessed me with ☼Holy Steam Sales☼ and ☼Holy Sword of the clan of Half Life☼, I wear the ☼Holy Armor of Team Fortress the second☼ and I shall smite those false prophets, those idol worshipers, for the Holy Goal of summoning Half-Life 3!"*Starts stabbing inquisitors*[5 vs 5] scourge728 appears out of nowhere, and starts smiting the inquisitors. He mutilates most of the Squad 1, but an inquisitor lands a good hit right onto scourge728's testicles. scourge728 is in Pain Shock!
"FOOLS! YOU WILL NOW SEE MY TRUE POWER! BEHOLD.... THE SERVANTS OF THE TWELFTH BAY!"[5] 3 thousands of steel-clad dwarves arrive on the battlefield!
>bloop_bleep begins chanting an incantation in some unknown eldritch god language. Suddenly, the ground begins to shake as thousands of rabid dwarves flow over the hills.
Chews on another cabbage roll, plants the large cleaver into the cultist that clobbered him with the book.[4] You chew on another cabbage roll, which heals your heave bruise on the right cheek.
"Well, this seems like a good time to..... leave until I can get the various Knights and Infantries....... HOLY VANISHING" *portals away back to Valve HQ and closes the portal afterwards so no one can follow, and if they do the Portal Knights will slaughter them*[5] You rip a portal open and step through it, and it closes right behind you. Smooth. Usually doing that sort of thing allows AT LEAST five demons into reality.
((By portal, I meant like a portal from the game Portal, y'know Valve game and everything, but that works too :P)) "I am Scourge DCCXXVIII ((728)) High Royal Holy Knight of Valve, I serve Lord Gaben, blessed are we, those who serve him, for we are gifted with ☼Holy Steam Sales☼ and the right to rule over the console peasants, as it is written in the Book of Gaben."((Well the portal gun wouldn't work because you lack line-of-sight to valve HQ.))
((By portal, I meant like a portal from the game Portal, y'know Valve game and everything, but that works too :P)) "I am Scourge DCCXXVIII ((728)) High Royal Holy Knight of Valve, I serve Lord Gaben, blessed are we, those who serve him, for we are gifted with ☼Holy Steam Sales☼ and the right to rule over the console peasants, as it is written in the Book of Gaben."((Well the portal gun wouldn't work because you lack line-of-sight to valve HQ.))
"Yer story checks out hoss. Welcome back, sir."
Summon Super Mario 64's Mario[6] You summon a hostile Bowser.
*collect the fallen occult book from the cabbage khabala cultist.
*Use whiteout and black pen to substitute every reference to cabbage being sacred, to read how tasty it is instead.
*Use disc-world logic to alter all the magical incantations for use against heretics, such that the eating of cabbage is now the sacred thing, and those that consume said cabbage are blessed, rather than heretical.
*Jokingly cast one of the modified spells
Go and gather as many cabbages as I can and put them some where safe.[4] You have gathered 10 cabbages.
*Exploit radicalized cabbagism:[5 vs 6+1 for being ANGERY] You try to rip off an amulet from the nearest inquisitor's neck, but you get hit in the left arm, then you get pierced in the abdomen at least 15 times!
Rip cabbage amulet from nearest heavy inquisitor's neck, (It's just a normal amulet chain, right?) then touch with cabbage. Rinse repeat as heavy inquisitors are forced to turn on each other.
*Collect another copy of arcane text when it drops, and try modifications again. Upon successful modification, perform modified "Summon chickens"
"Oi! None of that demon-summoning shit, you utter wankers!"[5] You disrupt reinforcements ritual and ANY teleportation attempts, be it magic or technology.
Sing a song of disharmony, disrupting the reinforcements ritual and disallowing any farther reality-sundering in the area. If you want backup, you'll have to get it the old fashioned way, but by pulling it outta your ass.
Run around and save more cabbages and take them to the safe place.[3] You save a couple of cabbages and take them to the safe place.
"What do you mean some Gaben-forsaken idiot is trying to block us from getting back there, how are we supposed to murder the heretics if we can't GET to the heretics, wait a minute.... activate the hidden ☼Level 3 Red Teleporters☼ that are closer but still far enough away to not get us all killed, wait until the army is all there then CHARGE, make sure to bring the hunters, striders and atleast 30 portal guns with one portal on the moon, Send 10,000 soldiers 300 hunters and 30 striders... GO GO GO"You cannot teleport back to the planet, so you and your army got sent somewhere entirely different.
it Appears caBBage lost'.We've failed you, we should have tried harder, I'm sorry.
Very diSappointed in you all.
"Well, now what do we do..... ummm reverse the teleporter flow maybe, then we could go back and FTL ship to the planet... yeah let's do that."[4] You reserve the teleporter's flow, returning back to the Valve HQ.
I see no reason to expire. My bloody giblets grow sharp spikes on front and little frog legs, and leap into the cabbage heretics in order to infect them.[5] The giblets grow steel spikes and little frog legs.
The flame of my spirit free from body immolates anything nearby.
*Further exploits radical cabbagism[5] You stuff your clothing with cabbages. Squad 1 is afraid to attack you!
Stuffs every bit of clothing with whole cabbages, thus ensuring that any further attacks would require desecration/destruction of said cabbages in order to cause any further injury.
*Fumbles around in the modified book of cabbage-- finds a "Construct cabbage golem" spell. Begins invocation.
Burn, fiend of vegetable![2] You fail to harness the souls of the fallen. They're already in another dimension.
Harness the souls of the fallen in squads 2 & 3! Immolate their essence and be reborn in a body of pure burning soulstuff! Fire a flame beam at the vegetary abomination.
*Repair any and all damage done to my new vegetable form of extreme heresy by assimilating whatever remaining cabbages that can be found.[6] You assimilate the amount of cabbages worth four cabbage carts! It's too much for you to handle, and you lose your form, turning into a giant rotten cabbage blob.
*explore new cabbage golem powers
"Quickly Glorious Soldiers of Valve, it is time for surprise war, chaaarge, *Knights charge on ☼Holy Valve Horses☼ while firing all kinds of guns, including some who are firing rocket launchers, while the hunters and striders do their thing*[2 vs 1+2] The barrage of bullets, dark energy, fletchette, and rockets gets deflected by a Psionic Reflection Shield of the lettuce fiend. Some of the knights got killed, while some of the hunters/striders get damaged by the deflected barrage.
Well that failed miserably....[2] You respawn as a cat.
Re spawn as vaguely defined god-cat
Try and summon the ultra cabbage and have it smite the heretics.[3+1 for the inquisitors' help] You have summoned a cabbage angel!
*eagerly awaits being summoned as the ultra anti-cabbage[6] You get merged with the cabbage angel, corrupting its pure good nature. You have shifted the balance of the Good and Evil!
Shooting flame back at me? That's very smart.[1] Your giblets fiery explode. No giblets of yours are left, just blood. Respawn?
Harness the ambient flame energy and use it to tear open a portal to the plane of fire.
-pic-[4] You have caught some lava tuna! They're valuable among the alchemists of this planet for making Potions of Temporary Fiery Breath.
Fishing for them magma crabs.[5] You've caught some magma crabs.
(I was just describing the image above, but...)
Are the magma crabs cute?
Can I pet the magma crabs?
I roll for some fire safe armor?Go ahead.
*Summon squad of cabbage craving rabbit monsters
*Makes booming apocalyptic pronouncement[2] You fail to summon cabbage-craving rabbit monsters.
"COME FORTH MY HERETICAL BROTHERS! FEAST ON THE FLESH OF THE SUCCULENT CABBAGES! GROW MIGHTY IN THE FACE OF OUR CORRUPT AND OPPRESSIVE ENEMIES! THE DARK FEAST HAS BEGUN!"
*Summons rain of sauerkraut and sausages, and conjures forth a giant table full of every imaginable form of cooked cabbage, imbued with extra heretical powers
(Surely I get a bonus to my roll, since I have absorbed a greater power, no?)
Arm the corrupted avatar with my blade![2] Your blade is made out of cardboard, but the anti-cabbage keeps it.
I summon 10-Star Chef Komatsu to engage the lettuce fiend![2] You have failed to summon your Japanese anime character!Spoiler (click to show/hide)
My blood mixes with the rest of the blood inevitably pooling on the ground, forming a might bloodnado![5 vs 5+1] You turn into a bloodnado and move towards the lettuce fiend. Despite insane raging of the bloodnado, the lettuce fiend manages to push the bloodnado back.
*run away*[2] Your paws are glued to the ground.
I roll for some fire safe armor? Definitely.[4] You cast a shield of fire protection on yourself!
I think they are beautiful in their own way.
I try to pet the magma crabs. Hope they like me.
Go get a gun and shoot the corrupted cabbage angel.[2] You get a blowgun with some wooden balls as ammunition.
Free the cat I guess?Pet the freed cat.
Inflict Frenzy on anyone who can see me.[3] You inflict Frenzy on the heavy inquisitors.
meow pitifully to hope someone frees me
Free the cat I guess?[3] Egan_BW grows blood hands and unglues the kitten. The paws are still somewhat sticky.
Pet the freed cat.[5] The cat is happy and rubs around your legs.
*Throw lettuce fiend into deep space, using the transferred momentum to return to the planet below.[2+2 vs 1+1] You throw the lettuce fiend into deep space with your Force Clap, which also sends you back to the planet's surface.
Flop around on the ground and die, then respawn as a werewolf.[2] You keep laying on the ground, bleeding in agony.
*Use corrosive cabbage juice to digest the door of the cage[2] The cage is made from unknown magical alloy, which is immune to corrosion.
Siphon blood off of the Frenzying inquisitors to strengthen myself and increase the Frenzy effect.[6 vs 2] You siphon huge amounts of blood from the frenzying inquisitors, killing several of them and interrupting their prayers! You get +1 to every action for 2 rounds!
Die faster then respawn as some thing else.[2] You fail to die.
*manipulate humans into doing my bidding*[6] Magistrum and the inquisitors now worship you! However, Magistrum hold you a little bit too tight in their grips!
Prepare to pet cat.Damn, I forgot about you.
This seems nice.
What Should I Do.Live for yourself, attempt to find meaning in your day to day.