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Author Topic: Oh The Vomit  (Read 2621 times)

Immortal-D

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Oh The Vomit
« on: December 03, 2015, 08:31:55 pm »

In light of all the wonderful artistic pursuits of the new version, I feel like this old bit of lyrical butchery is worthy of a repost in the Stories forum.  Enjoy;

Oh the vomit you'll find!

Congratulations!  Today is your day.  You're off to the Mountain Home, far and away.
With beard on your face and belly 'o booze, you can steer yourself to any profession you choose.

As you enter the Great Hall, looking over with care, mind the prisoner pits, so much vomit in one square.
In a Fortress things can happen, and frequently do, to simple-minded beards with belly 'o booze.
For instance you may glimpse such wondrous sights, like Giant Eagles lifting Dwarves to dizzying heights.
The vomit here is scattered, not really the worst, though you may wish to find a new Pig Tail Shirt.
Back near the tables of the shining Great Hall, you may spot the stain of vomit-covered walls.
Pay it no heed, tis far from the booze, though better safe than sorry; wear metal-clad shoes.

After dinner you head to the mines, strange to see Dwarves who all run and hide.
A great Cavern beast which poisons the air, clearly the Dwarves are right to be scared.
With a bloated body covered in hide, it undulates in terrible rhymes.
Do not be alarmed if you re-encounter what you dined, tis a natural reaction.

Oh the vomit you'll find!

Quickly you hike, back above ground, you can't even recall how long you were down.
As the fresh air impales your lungs, you may feel a bit dizzy from the Armok-awful Sun.
You stumble and crawl, rolling to a fall, why did you ever want to leave the Great Hall?
You find strength to go back, but will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed)

You crawl, trailing breakfast back home, noticing suddenly, you are not alone.
Tis then that you spot many other cave-haulers, all displaying such wonderful colors!
Brown green and pink, spread far and wide, 'tis quite a feat', you think with a smile.
As you find safety in the dark once more, you marvel at the amount of barf Dwarves can store.

Betwixt Beasts and Sun and all that you feel, you will always have reminder of the last Great Hall meal.
As you readjust with a sigh, your fellow Urists look kind, for all have been there at some point in their lives.
Laughing and cheering, your voices combined, all shout to the heavens;

Oh the vomit you'll find!

Drazoth

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Re: Oh The Vomit
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2015, 04:41:18 pm »

This made my day man.  Thank you.
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Welcome to Doomforests, please, choose a cult of your liking or head to the overseers office to register your own cult. Religious freedom is pride of this fortress!

Dozebôm Lolumzalìs

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Re: Oh The Vomit
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2015, 08:59:59 pm »

I vomited at this. Vomits up.

(the dwarven thumbs up)
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Quote from: King James Programming
...Simplification leaves us with the black extra-cosmic gulfs it throws open before our frenzied eyes...
Quote from: Salvané Descocrates
The only difference between me and a fool is that I know that I know only that I think, therefore I am.
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Nihilich

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Re: Oh The Vomit
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2015, 09:04:47 pm »

:) a classic. good job, my friend.
Edit, it's totally accurate too. On my last fort, before 42.01, literally every above-ground tile had a green background because of the vomit :(. It really got out of hand.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2015, 09:07:05 pm by Nihilich »
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Immortal-D

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Re: Oh The Vomit
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2015, 06:15:40 pm »

This made my day man.  Thank you.
Cheers mate :)  I suppose you can consider this to be in the spirit of Dwarven merriment and goodwill.... in vomit form (don't think about it too hard).
I vomited at this. Vomits up.

(the dwarven thumbs up)
:D
:) a classic. good job, my friend.
Edit, it's totally accurate too. On my last fort, before 42.01, literally every above-ground tile had a green background because of the vomit :(. It really got out of hand.
Is especially amusing when you have weather or syndrome to contend with.  I remember a Fort in particular that was cursed with Ooze Rain or some such.  The third migrant wave was massive, at least 20 Dorfs.  They finally all make their way inside and hang about in the Dining Hall.  They spent the next month walking around, puking on each other, then cleaning it up.  Truly, hell is other people Dwarves.

Camulus

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Re: Oh The Vomit
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2015, 03:00:52 pm »

Heheheha.....
Tolerably amusing for something that rhymes 'tis much.


I have always wondered why dwarven puke was not purple, for I had forts where plump helmets were the only meals and the only drink for years and years.
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Vuohijumala

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Re: Oh The Vomit
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2015, 03:22:12 pm »

This is pure beauty!
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Dozebôm Lolumzalìs

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Re: Oh The Vomit
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2015, 08:02:34 pm »

Heheheha.....
Tolerably amusing for something that rhymes 'tis much.


I have always wondered why dwarven puke was not purple, for I had forts where plump helmets were the only meals and the only drink for years and years.

You mean "this". 'tis means "It is". Also, 'twas means "It was". So, "It was the night before..." -> " 'Twas the night..."
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Quote from: King James Programming
...Simplification leaves us with the black extra-cosmic gulfs it throws open before our frenzied eyes...
Quote from: Salvané Descocrates
The only difference between me and a fool is that I know that I know only that I think, therefore I am.
Sigtext!