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Author Topic: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12  (Read 19246 times)

Vaporo

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #360 on: October 09, 2018, 06:41:10 pm »

[ic]
  • I am extremely offended at the accusation that I have "horridly mismanaged" Breakfastpit. I did the best I could with the fortress in its pitiful state.
  • There's an extremely large pile of wood on the southern side of the courtyard behind the longhouse.
  • I agree that the main fortress is a complete mess. It was like that before I got here.
  • I know the farm is mostly empty. The farms were previously scattered around the outside of the fortress, but I decided that was an unacceptable security risk given the history of Breakfastpit. That is why I built a new courtyard south of the main courtyard and began building farms there. But the farmers were at that point either 1) old and skilled and completely insane or 2) complete idiots who couldn't tell a rat weed seed from a quarry bush nut. This slowed construction of the farms. And since nobody would grow anything, it didn't particularly matter whether we had the farm courtyard tilled or not.
  • The zombie trapped in the wall was put there for the express purpose of training marksdwarves. Did you listen to anything I told you? Or did I forget to mention why there was a strange shaft with a zombie sitting at the bottom?
[/ic]

I feel like you're taking my post a little bit too seriously. Breakfastpit is a perfectly fine fortress, and by the looks of things you did more than a fine job running it. If you couldn't tell, the entire post is narrated by the comically militaristic personality of Bemul "The Maggot" Astfarash, who was fated from the beginning to be fundamentally dissatisfied with the state of the fortress. Although I suppose that could have made it a bit clearer that it's supposed to be a joke.

EDIT: Well, I just looked up what /ic means. Aint that ironic.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2018, 07:15:48 pm by Vaporo »
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QuQuasar

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #361 on: October 10, 2018, 10:51:01 pm »

Heeeey, screenshots of the fortress. Haven't seen many of those in a...

Oh. Oh god what the actual fuck. I knew this place was in a bad state, but my god. That clusterfuck of dirt rooms. The debris scattered everywhere. The asymmetrical dining hall. The complete lack of colour consistency. I mean, I know everyone was more focused on trying to survive the horrors of Breakfastpit than aesthetics, but one of the dining hall chairs is blue. WHY IS ONE OF THE CHAIRS BLUE?

And worst of all, the lack of farms. You had one job!
 
This fortress is gloriously awful. I can only assume the queen must have given up on this place years ago. I like to imagine there's an actual successor to Breadbowl elsewhere in this world that is happily sending back a small countries worth of food and drink every year, and the only reason Breakfastpit hasn't been abandoned is because nobody wanted to tell the crazy survivors of Breakfastpit that they'd been replaced.

auzewasright

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #362 on: October 11, 2018, 10:50:27 am »

Heeeey, screenshots of the fortress. Haven't seen many of those in a...

Oh. Oh god what the actual fuck. I knew this place was in a bad state, but my god. That clusterfuck of dirt rooms. The debris scattered everywhere. The asymmetrical dining hall. The complete lack of colour consistency. I mean, I know everyone was more focused on trying to survive the horrors of Breakfastpit than aesthetics, but one of the dining hall chairs is blue. WHY IS ONE OF THE CHAIRS BLUE?

And worst of all, the lack of farms. You had one job!
 
This fortress is gloriously awful. I can only assume the queen must have given up on this place years ago. I like to imagine there's an actual successor to Breadbowl elsewhere in this world that is happily sending back a small countries worth of food and drink every year, and the only reason Breakfastpit hasn't been abandoned is because nobody wanted to tell the crazy survivors of Breakfastpit that they'd been replaced.
I say we make the new goal to get our act together, raze the mountain home to the ground, and make the queen/king pay for sending any dwarves to this death trap.
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Carch

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #363 on: October 11, 2018, 04:22:42 pm »

Heeeey, screenshots of the fortress. Haven't seen many of those in a...

Oh. Oh god what the actual fuck. I knew this place was in a bad state, but my god. That clusterfuck of dirt rooms. The debris scattered everywhere. The asymmetrical dining hall. The complete lack of colour consistency. I mean, I know everyone was more focused on trying to survive the horrors of Breakfastpit than aesthetics, but one of the dining hall chairs is blue. WHY IS ONE OF THE CHAIRS BLUE?

And worst of all, the lack of farms. You had one job!
 
This fortress is gloriously awful. I can only assume the queen must have given up on this place years ago. I like to imagine there's an actual successor to Breadbowl elsewhere in this world that is happily sending back a small countries worth of food and drink every year, and the only reason Breakfastpit hasn't been abandoned is because nobody wanted to tell the crazy survivors of Breakfastpit that they'd been replaced.

you know. the dining room has grown on me. I think it's become like the one chair you love to bits that has one leg just ever so slightly shorter then the others. also I'm pretty sure I had some legendary brawls in there.
I do suspect my preference for using mined-out ore veins for coffins is to blame for the random crypts all over the place. but I needed them quickly and had the space available.

as for production... I'm.. not sure? we still seem to be producing quite a lot of food and drink. although one of the main problems has just become.. well. effectively the overhead needed to keep this place running.
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Radipon

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #364 on: October 13, 2018, 07:24:56 pm »

Fertilize the crops with magma.
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MoonyTheHuman

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #365 on: October 13, 2018, 07:28:32 pm »

I'm feeling dwarfy. Dwarf me!

Vaporo

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #366 on: October 18, 2018, 08:15:47 pm »

Hey, sorry for the delay. Real life has been in the way for the last few days. First proper fortress post should be coming soon-ish.

@Moony: Sure, although the fortress rules say that you need to pick a new name first since you were already dorfed once.
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Sanctume

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #367 on: October 18, 2018, 09:52:09 pm »

No repeat names, that's why I'm Diggy :)

Dozebôm Lolumzalìs

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #368 on: October 19, 2018, 12:25:49 am »

If I ever die, I’ll probably be Kogan. I never did do very much with her character. That’s the difficulty of trying to add fictitious functions to an elaborate simulation - they fall by the wayside and meaningful interactions that are actually part of the game are focused on instead. Now that I’m not an overseer that shouldn’t matter as much.

Fertilizing the crops with magma wouldn’t actually do anything except possibly flood the fortress with magma. I suggest irrigating with water. It would probably be easiest to make a channel from the ocean. This could later serve as a moat.
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Imic

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #369 on: October 19, 2018, 01:25:18 am »

Fertilizing the crops with magma wouldn’t actually do anything except possibly flood the fortress with magma. I suggest irrigating with water.
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MoonyTheHuman

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #370 on: October 19, 2018, 05:44:27 pm »

I was? Certainly don't remember it. Oh well.
New name: Flimsy the Clown.

mandates clown outfits

Vaporo

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #371 on: October 19, 2018, 08:26:08 pm »

Oh, yes. I believe you had a role in history of the early fort. If I remember correctly, you were turned into a werepig and there was a bit of a debacle with containing you.
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MoonyTheHuman

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #372 on: October 19, 2018, 09:19:27 pm »

Well, i'm already a vampire for Halloween. Damn, a werepig would've been cooler.

Vaporo

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #373 on: October 20, 2018, 10:00:51 pm »

Vaporo: Part 1
Account by: Bemul Astfarash, AKA "The Maggot"

So, apparently our former overseer “Dozebom” was “offended” by my accurate and completely warranted evaluation of his time in office. Well, Dozebom, let me tell you what I think about your “offense.” Or, I would tell you, BUT I DON’T LISTEN TO MAGGOTS! You see, this is precisely what is wrong with Breakfastpit. Everyone is “Offended” and “Depressed” and “Has PTSD” and “Is traumatically scarred for life after watching their family and friends go mad before they died and were gruesomely resurrected as undead abominations.” WELL, GET OVER IT YOU DAFFODILS. BECAUSE THIS IS BREAKFASTPIT, AND THIS DEGREE OF MAGGOTRY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

However, before I could make any real progress with the fortress, a vile force of maggots arrived from the north.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Well, I guess I’ve got to order everyone in… OH MAGGOTS THESE BURROWS ARE A MESS! Well, I guess I’ve gotta go through and see what’s still useful and what’s broken.



All right, the burrows “Moony,” “Panic!” and “Werebeast” were deleted, since they didn’t seem to encompass and areas. Plus Moony is dead, so I doubt that a burrow named after him is doing very much. “Safety Inside” and “Inside” were expanded to encompass some new areas and renamed to the more descriptive “Fortress Underground” and “Fortress Proper” respectively. “Fortress Proper” contains all of the areas that are accessible to dwarves when the gates are sealed. “Fortress Underground” contains the same areas, but minus the sections of the fortress that are above ground. The remaining burrows were left untouched.

Now, get inside you maggots! Move Move Move! Is everyone accounted for…? One, two, three…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXcMV-d_2Js

One hundred and sixteen… One hundred and seventeen… and one child passing through the gates as they close with the army right on her heels.
Anyways, time to try out the Breakfast Pit!
 
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

First trolls are entering the pit, but those Marksdwarves are moving at a maggot’s pace and aren’t in position yet.
 
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So, let’s wash ‘em off!
And, even in the midst of combat, I am handed this report:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

WHAT?! EVEN OUR BRAVE DWARVEN DEFENDERS ARE TAKEN BY THE MALAISE SURROUNDING THIS PLACE! WHY MUST THESE MAGGOTS TEST MY PATIENCE!?

Unfortunately, the maggots on the surface don’t seem interested in going for the Breakfast Pit.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

AND WHY IS THERE A GIANT CAVE SPIDER IN THE BOTTOM OF THE FORTRESS?!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Apparently it injected a fisherdwarf by the name of Litast Mistomes with venom, so he’s basically dead now… and then a miner went to tried and recover Litast, so now he’s dying as well. And now it’s climbing the stairwell and attacking a bone carver.

Well, looks like this is a problem that I can’t just ignore. I and my squad proceeded down the stairwell to take care of the matter. Easy enough. The trick with cave spiders is to always attack from above or below. For whatever reason, the maggots can only shoot their webbing horizontally, so fighting them is child’s play if you catch them on a stairwell.

I have no idea how that maggot got in here. Examination of our census records indicate that it got in sometimes after I took office. One of the previous moronic overseers probably left a hole into the caverns somewhere I’ll never be able to find it.

Anyways I’ll deal with that later, back to the Pit.

None of the other maggot invaders are coming in. They’re just out there waiting on some moron to open the gates. Why won’t they…

Ha! I’ve found the problem. Some maggot put two doors between the invaders and the fortress. Since the goblins can’t destroy the doors, they don’t bother trying to come through them. So once I remove the doors the maggots will come charging right on in. Well, time to seal off the pit and do some renovation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdZQL04sDBU

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

All right. I’ve tethered a dog in the pit to attract those maggots. Now those morons won’t think twice about rushing right down the passage to their doom.

ALL RIGHT BOYS! LET’S CRACK ‘ER OPEN AND SEE WHAT SHE CAN DO. Wait, what? What do you mean they left? It’s only been about a week since they got here. Hmmm? They stuck a note on the front gate? “BRB going for lunch.”

MAGGOT COWARDS! GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT US LIKE MEN!

Ooooh, that makes me mad. Well, I suppose that I’d better open the gates back up and start taking care of business.

Right after the invasion ended, a dancer by the name of Adil Clutchedmirrored burst into my office and demanded that her name officially be changed to “Flimsy the Clown.” Saying yes got her to shut up and leave, so I guess she’s out there bragging about her new name right now.

Now, let’s look at my predecessor’s “suggestions”:

“Never stick your hand behind the southern bookcase in the library. It holds a dark and terrible secret.”

WHAT!? ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT AN ARTIFACT, BROUGHT TO OUR MIGHTY FORTRESS BY OUR BRAVE WARRIORS AFTER A LONG AND GRUELING CAMPAIGN, IS LANGUISHING FORGOTTEN IN THE LIBRARY!? THIS CANNOT STAND!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
   
Yeeeeees! Display! Put it on display in the horrible dining hall so that all may see the fruits of our forbearer’s trials.

Also, the strangest thing happened when I ordered someone to go get the book. By all accounts, the book was located in the library. I went and found it there myself. However, the dwarf went into the catacombs and appeared to retrieve it from a mudstone memorial. It’s not a copy, either. It’s disappeared from the library. I don’t know. I suppose that it is a magic book, so I won’t question it too much.

“You should probably work on consolidating the corpse stockpiles, although you'll have to be careful not to move the corpses where people can see them. Alternatively, wall the stockpiles off and forget about them. Either way, stop the children from playing in the corpses.”

WHAT!? AND DEPRIVE OUR CHILDREN OF OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN OF WHAT IT TOOK TO MAKE BREAKFASTPIT WHAT IT IS TODAY!?
 
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

DISPLAY CASES! I NEED MORE DISPLAY CASES DOWN HERE!

“If attackers disappear, check under the bridges. They may be stuck in the sub-bridge pit.”

WHAT!? WHAT MAGGOT PUT PITS UNDER THE BRIDGES IN THE FIRST PLACE!?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

FILL THOSE PITS IN, THAT WAY I CAN’T LOOK IN THEM!
   
“No, no, lye is a pointless diversion.”

I DON’T KNOW WHAT FOR, BUT IF THIS MAGGOT IS SAYING NOT TO MAKE LYE THEN WE PROBABLY NEED LYE FOR SOMETHING!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

“And another thing - there are walled-off areas all over the fortress. The one in the jails contains Akko.”

A MIGHTY DEFENDER OF BREAKFASTPIT IS ROTTING IN PRISON!? WHAT SORT OF SHAMEFUL MESS HAVE I INHERITED!?
DON’T WORRY, AKKO! I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE GIVEN THE RESPECT THAT YOU DESERVE! YOUR NAME WILL BE CARVED IN EVERY ROOM AND EVERY HALL OF OUR MIGHTY FORTRESS AS IT SHOULD RIGHTFULLY BE! I HAVE A PLAN THAT WILL MAKE SURE THAT BREAKFASTPIT REMEMBERS YOUR NAME FOREVER!

On an unrelated note, does anyone happen to know how to cleanly remove a dwarf’s arm without killing said dwarf?
« Last Edit: October 21, 2018, 01:16:57 pm by Vaporo »
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FakerFangirl

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Re: Breakfastpit - A Succession Farm - 44.12
« Reply #374 on: October 22, 2018, 07:20:55 am »

Wow you guys are alive?
Well that's half the battle.
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