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[rostbot]

Dear Urist McConstructionworker,

the inside I was referring to when I told you to wall off the cavern from the inside was the inside of the fortress, not the inside of the cavern. Don't feel disheartened about it; you are certainly not the first to confuse those two with each other.

Sincerely
Your yet patient overseer

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McTrapper,
You're cave adapted. The animal stockpile is right next to the cavern.
Why do you inside on taking traps 74 levels up and across out lands to capture hamsters--which immediately chew their way free, by the way--and often coat them in vomit, instead of walking literally three paces to the caverns with the spiders we really want?
Keep that up and I'm going to put you in charge of tempting in any giant ones that come along.

[Dozebôm Lolumzalěs]

Dear Deus,

I can’t read your mind. If you want me to do a job in a specific area, that’s what burrows are for.

Urist McTrapper

[Deus Machina]

Dear McTrapper,
Fine, I'll burrow you. Because you can't figure to catch something that doesn't cause you nausea along the way.
As soon as I find a spot where your cloud of cats hasn't committed genocide on the local arachnid population.


Dear visiting bards,
In all fairness, we love you guys. Well, we love like three of you. There needs to be some kind of certification here, because 'novice' does not a bard make, most of you have no skills in the dancing or verbal arts, and I think a good chunk of you neither carry or even play an instrument.
And there are almost as many of you 'visiting' as there are actual dwarven citizens. And I've already denied a good chunk of you.
Serious, stop drinking all our booze.

[Dozebôm Lolumzalěs]

Dear Deus,

You told me both to allow visitors in this tavern and to give out drinks. Doesn’t that mean I should give out drinks to visitors? If not, then why not make one tavern for residents (with a drink-giver) and one that allows visitors (without a drink giver)?

Urist McTavernkeep

(If I am incorrect and visitors get their own drinks from a stockpile, then I’d just turn visitors off.)

[Deus Machina]

Dear bards,
Can you at least bring your mercenary and monster-slayer friends? They're either useful or short-lived, at least.

[Grand Sage]

You know, someone will read this correspondance between the two of you, point a friend to this thread and say: It gets really good around page 479...

[Dutrius]

From: Urist McOverseer
To: Every Dwarf still alive
RE: Cavern Fauna


I should not need to tell any of you this, but when you see a Giant Magma Spider, the correct response is to run away before it notices you. DO NOT harvest the cave spider silk nearby to it. They are faster than you, and they can shoot burning webs at you, and if one bites you, you WILL melt. If you are lucky.

It should come as no surprise that it's not a sensible idea to grab the belongings of the deceased, or any un-melted corpses for that matter, while that thing is still around but apparently Dwarves are denser than platinum. If I catch another one of you going down there, I'm giving this entire fort a Darwin award.

- The Overseer



I may have modded in an ubercharged GCS made of magma... By Armok that thing is terrifying.

[Deus Machina]

Dear visitors,
I apologize to four of you in the inn bedrooms.
If I had known that floors appear to be porous, I wouldn't have built them directly under the archery range's catch channel.
Since I'm lazy and you seem to be bards anyway, and therefore I hate you, you can deal with getting pelted with spent bolts in your sleep.

[weiserthanyou]

Dear Logem McBerserkFisherdwarf

I understand that the last few years have been stressful, especially considering that your entire fort's population has failed to clean up the corpses laying everywhere (that you all keep adding to with your beatings and lethal fistfights) even as you get horrified by them for four years in a row. However, please refrain from going berserk in the animal yard. Not because I think the animals are in danger, but because the current count of animals that participated in killing you include a capuchin, four war dogs, three normal dogs, a horse foal, a great horned owl, a wolf, a turkey hen, a dingo, and a yak bull. That's right, some of your mortal injuries were inflicted by a monkey and two birds, and what killed you was having most of your flesh ripped apart by six dogs while another shook you around by the head until your spine broke.
Your body will be removed from the yard and thrown into the disposal pit with the goblin corpses that horrified you to begin with.

-An overseer frustrated by dwarves avoiding pleasures in favor of stressors.

[GPeter]

Dear McUristHaterOfBodiesLoverOfSocks

I know that you hate the sight of a dead body, but rushing to get a new sock from your fallen friends will definitely not help with your trauma.

- Armok

[weiserthanyou]

Dear McUristHaterOfBodiesLoverOfSocks

I know that you hate the sight of a dead body, but rushing to get a new sock from your fallen friends will definitely not help with your trauma.

Replace getting a sock from fallen friends with "harvesting teeth and arrows that aren't even useful without a living team of marksdwarves" and...my fort.

ALSO: Dear Urist McWannabeMarksdwarf,
how did you only lightly injure a chained target at point blank range with five iron bolts? Getting one of them to pierce the chest instead of bruising the arm shouldn't be too hard. Or even better, you should have gone for the head.

[GPeter]

Dear McUristHaterOfBodiesLoverOfSocks

I know that you hate the sight of a dead body, but rushing to get a new sock from your fallen friends will definitely not help with your trauma.

Replace getting a sock from fallen friends with "harvesting teeth and arrows that aren't even useful without a living team of marksdwarves" and...my fort.

ALSO: Dear Urist McWannabeMarksdwarf,
how did you only lightly injure a chained target at point blank range with five iron bolts? Getting one of them to pierce the chest instead of bruising the arm shouldn't be too hard. Or even better, you should have gone for the head.

or even worse.

Dear Urist McWannabeMarksdwarf

If you want to become an Elite Marksdwarf, why don't you simply, train? (Those who suffered with the bug know what I'm talking about...)

[brotundbutter]

Dear engravers,

Please stop engraving the mayor's office with images of the time he had to eat vermin to survive during a cave-in accident. If you have a problem with his mandates or leadership, address them to him personally instead of filling his living space with cruel images like these.

PS: Stop making these engravings some of your first masterworks so I won't just dismantle them.

[Eric Blank]

Dear dwarves; ignore the giant cardinals. They are not a threat to you. Just build the damn wall.

Sincerely, trying not to get invaded here; your overseer