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Author Topic: The Bėrrith Pioneers (song)  (Read 1851 times)

Marty Smunstu

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The Bėrrith Pioneers (song)
« on: February 12, 2016, 01:42:37 am »

Disclaimer: Not the events of any single actual game.

Tune: "Barrett's Privateers"

In the year two hundred and fifty-eight
(How I wish I'd stayed a peasant now!)
Came a colony charter from the King
To the seven worst fools you've ever seen,
Confound them all!* I was told
We'd mine these hills for their silver and gold;
We'd swing no swords, shed no tears...!
Now I'm a broken dwarf on a +Highwood spear+,
The last of the Bėrrith pioneers.

Oh, the Painted Hills were a desolate sight:
(How I wish we'd brought some timbers now!)
Not a pool or a blade of grass to see,
And the elves could grudge us not one tree,
Confound them all! &c.

The first vein we dug met a cavern floor,
(How I wish we'd brought two masons now!)
Where the troglodytes and the ant men roam,
And a giant spider followed us home,
Confound them all! &c.

We were half laid up with the poison and the pain,
(How I wish we'd brought a medic now!)
And we still hadn't gotten that cavern sealed
When a goblin squadron took the field,
Confound them all! &c.

We sent Kib downstairs to pile up a wall,
(How I wish he'd had some practice now!)
But all we heard, when his screams had ceased,
Was the bellow of an ancient forgotten beast,
Confound them all! &c.

Kib's friends got mad and started a fight;
(How I wish he'd been less chatty now!)
With the trolls above and the devil below,
We could just tell each other where to go,
Confound them all! &c.

Our militia chief blamed it all on me,
(How I wish I'd done more sparring now!)
And he knocked me out in the entrance hall,
Where a fine-crafted spear trap broke me fall,
Confound them all! &c.

I thought I'd be first to face the foe,
(How I wish we'd placed that floodgate** now!)
But they got in through the aqueduct shaft;
As they stormed our dining room, how they laughed,
Confound them all! &c.

So if you'd seek gold in the Painted Hills,
How I wish you'd show up right about now!
And I wish you the very best of luck--
I'd help you out, but I'm kind of stuck,
Confound them all! &c.


* This phrase is meant to render a single Dwarven word more exactly translated as "melt them all down together."

** It must remain unclear why the narrator believes a floodgate would have stopped trolls.