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Author Topic: Dwarven Limericks  (Read 8514 times)

TolyK

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #15 on: December 24, 2010, 12:22:11 pm »

Dashing through the stone
with a dull, half-broken pick
under the feilds we go
(with our) atomsmashing stick!
Pick apart the wagon
From a log make one workshop
And with the other two you left
An axe for lots more wood.

O-OH!

Jingle bells!
Need some shells.
Craftsdwarve's got a mood!
Forgotten beast!
Let's have a feast!
Oh crap there's rotting food...

OH!

Jingle bells!
Abbeyfells
will not survive to long...
We just hope
That there's a dope
Who'll finish this stupid song...

O-OH!

Now the ground is red
So go in while you can
Take the stuff tonight
And we'll have goblins in our pan.
Just take that stupid bed
And put it in that room
Oh I don't care about your share
Just put him in his tomb.

O-OH!

Jingle bells!
Have no wells
We've run out of booze!
The trolls have struck
We're out of luck
HEY GUYZ LETZ HAV A SNOOZ!

O-OH!

We've finished the magma pump
That'll take it from the ground
Put salvage in that dump
Don't let stuff lie around.
The magma trap is done
And we'll have lots of ?Fun?
Just toss that cat with a furry gnat
Down to the magma sea.

O-OH!

Winter's fine!
Adamantine!
We've all got that mood!
We'll mine some out and wealth be doubt
Though we're running out of food..

O-OH!

Dug too deep...
What the creep!
What the hell is that??
Oh WHY'S IT COMING STRAIGHT AT US
Oh Urist IT'S THAT CAT . . .

***

Mine, from another thread
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FrisianDude

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #16 on: December 24, 2010, 12:31:00 pm »

There was once a lady from Kirurazol,
who could pick a pencil with her .. err. Hm.
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A tiny, foul-tempered humanoid creature that dwells in the evil mountains. They are known to enjoy drinking liquor and will take any unguarded supplies of booze.

Trouserman

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #17 on: December 24, 2010, 12:52:09 pm »

Through tales of the fortress Boatmurdered
Was Toady's publicity furthered
Though the version is dated
Its fame's not abated
So always its name will be murmured
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Dr. D

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #18 on: December 24, 2010, 01:30:23 pm »

Rhesus Macaques are moving around
Stealing metal right off the ground
Draft a dwarf with some skills
Get him some kills
"Rhesus Macaque has been struck down!"
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Mantonio

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #19 on: December 24, 2010, 01:47:47 pm »

My dwarves live in a big cave.
Everyday they work, toil and slave.
The walls were completed, the Goblins retreated.
Then it crashed.
GODAMMIT, NO AUTOSAVE!

I've made sure it saves seasonally now. I'm not losing hours of work again
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Who's the greatest warrior ever?
A hero of renown?
Who slayed an evil ocean?
Who cast the Lich King down?
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Trouserman

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #20 on: December 24, 2010, 03:53:32 pm »

In spring time the elfs brought us beer
And caged bears and some wood and lame gear
The bears we will train
The elfs were all slain
I hope they'll bring more bears next year
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612DwarfAvenue

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #21 on: December 25, 2010, 12:10:51 am »

Urist's company no-one desired
He thought perhaps his breath was dire
Until he realized
He was so despised
Because, of course, he's on !!fire!!.


The great tower had unfinished roof, no stairs, no doors
"I'll start with the top floor", said Em Inkcorridor
He went up the scaffolding to the top
Went to hole in the roof, through which he dropped
And then remembered, too late, "There's also no floors".


Best i could come up with :P. MAN this is hard!
« Last Edit: December 25, 2010, 12:14:47 am by 612DwarfAvenue »
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Centration. Similar to Spacestation 13, but in 3D and first-person. Sounds damn awesome.
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martinuzz

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #22 on: December 25, 2010, 09:20:34 am »

There once was a dwarf from Nantucket
Who was hauling his guts in a bucket
He said: "Lo' and behold!
I was stabbed by a 'bold
Between my liver and spleen has he stuck it."

A dwarf in the hospital's office
Told him: "don't you worry, we'll fix this"
And, as he was slipping away
Into the sedative's haze:
"Did I tell you, I'm only a novice?"

There now lives a dwarf in Nantucket
Whose belly is shaped like a bucket
If you ask him: "How comes?"
He'll growl: "Kobold scum"
But we all know who's really the culprit
« Last Edit: December 25, 2010, 09:49:39 am by martinuzz »
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ISGC

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #23 on: December 25, 2010, 10:02:20 am »

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the halls
Not a creature was stirring, not even the fleshy balls.
The stockings were hung by the furnace with care
In hopes that St Armok soon would be there.

The Dwarves were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Plump Helmets danced in their heads.
And the mayor in his cape, and the medic in his cap
Had just called a party, 'fore a long winter’s nap.

When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to the fortifications to see what was the matter.
Away to the front wall I flew like a flash,
Tore open the door, ready to defend our stash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature caravan, and eight tinny dwarves

With a little old driver, as old as the rock,
I knew in a moment it must be Armok.
More rapid than gant eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Urist! now, Urist! now, Urist and Urist!
On, Urist! On, Urist! on, on Urist and Urist!
To the top of the Fortifications! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the gem windows, the dwarves they flew,
With the sleigh full of Adamantim, and St Armok too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and running of each little goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the volcano shaft St Armok came with a bound.

He was dressed all in magma, from his head to his foot,
And his socks were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Adamantium he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a noble, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his beard how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a crossbow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a barrel of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old dwarf,
And I laughed when I saw him, you would too, of course!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his beard,
And giving a nod, up the furnace he reared!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Military arc is here! Now your dwarves can bite!"
« Last Edit: December 26, 2010, 08:31:46 pm by ISGC »
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TolyK

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #24 on: December 25, 2010, 10:08:04 am »

sometime we should compile an Armokmas carol collection
that was epic.
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martinuzz

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #25 on: December 25, 2010, 10:51:38 am »

Elven trader's song, from a story I made quite a while back.

We come from the marsh,
Where life is harsh.
Have crossed many river,
Passed many a hill,
To trade some cloth.
And enjoying it still.

We come from the swamp,
Where the weather is damp.
We bring you a plant
It's fibers are strong
It's magical essence
Produced this song

We've come to you now,
And we will come again.
So bring out your goods,
And..  "Aw man.
It seems I've forgotten my lines again."

'We come with a song,
A laugh and a dance
We bring you some cloth
A fine brew
and some plants..'

'We're jolly
We're folly
We're full of it all
We're merchants by trade
And have come to enthrall..'

'We bring you the best
Of the marsh and the swamp
Where the nights are so dark
And..

"... You should bring a lamp!"
"Yes, that's a good one, Thele! You are brilliant! absolutely brilliant.'
'Thanks, Ithithe!"

'So, now,
Please don't delay
And bring out your goods
And, if you have some
show us your goblin loot..

'And remember
To treat us
Respectful and nice
Or we might be forced
To alter the prices!'
« Last Edit: December 25, 2010, 10:56:14 am by martinuzz »
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Rattyboy

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #26 on: December 25, 2010, 09:55:44 pm »

There was a forum at Bay Twelve Games
Limmerics started and were initially sane
But time wore on
And reason is all gone
And now we all laugh at Urist McPain!

I wonder if psychiatrists hang out here gunning for new business...
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Horizonblue

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #27 on: December 25, 2010, 10:03:20 pm »

There once was a dwarf named Urist,
Who went about FlameArch like a Tourist.
He never did Work,
Was simply a Jerk,
So he pulled a lever in !!Earnest!!...
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Ipwnurmom221

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Re: Dwarven Limericks
« Reply #28 on: December 25, 2010, 10:25:44 pm »

There once was a dwarven noble
more irritating than the kobolds
The magma pit's full
The lever he pulled
The end, to him, was quite woeful
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"I haven't seen my parents in nearly a year, I can't move a foot in any direction, I spend all my days being attacked by animals, and I've been forced to drink sheep puke- wow that's a nice floor grate!"
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