DFGT VIII Finale
Round 6Fight 6A: Logem Branchsyrup the Wolverine Man vs Knifin’ Around the Hoary Marmot WomanGamelog:
https://pastebin.com/0iRp3ExaWelcome, one and all, to the finals of the 8th annual Gladiator Tournament! Dozens of hopeful gladiators arrived here but a few weeks ago, yet now only two stand before us! But who are these exemplars of their kind you may ask? To my left We have Knifin’ Around the Hoary Marmot Woman! Freshly armed with a
second adamantine knife, this savage killer has worked her way here by slitting the throat of Sylvia Welernay, lopping of Lerush Idar’s limbs, nailing into Nijinsky the Bard with her knife, hacking apart Horof Dreadhoof, and finally, impaled Ine.
But her opponent to my right is equally accomplished! Let’s give a warm welcome to Logem Branchsyrup, who parsed apart Parmesan Dorothy Grimsley Rigmarole, massacred Mr. T, carved up Carabella the Fast, swept through Sweetteeth, and butchered the Beast of Spearimpale. Both fighters have trained themselves to be masters of their weapons, leaving our humble arena tutors with nothing left to teach them. Let’s see which one of you is fit to be a champion of the arena!
*RING*The two pint sized fighters charge fearlessly towards one another, but it’s Logem using the superior reach of his katana who scores the first blow! The shimmering blue blade erupts from Knifin’ Around’s left palm, and she whistles in pain as she immediately loses hold of one of her adamantine knives. Knfin’ Around attempt to swing back in retribution, but Logem is no longer there, withdrawing his blade and darting away from the infinitely sharp knife, now humming like an angry hornet’s nest. The pair briefly hop around one another, before Knifin’ Around overextends herself, and Logem comes swinging in with his katana!
The hoary marmot woman barely gets her dagger up in time, blocking the blow, before swinging back in a riposte to force Logem back. The wolverine man makes a strike of his own as he retreats though, carving a bloody line on Knifin’ Around’s left thigh. She continues to advance on her two paws though, forcing Logem to stab her in her left arm in an attempt to keep her at bay. But that limb no longer has any more value to this ferocious herbivore, as Knifin’ Around simply accepts the blow, and drives in at Logem. Her strike maims his right foot, forcing him to kneel on the ground before her.
Seemingly enjoying her new position in the fight, Knifin’ Around lashes out with a punch against Logem’s right hand, but the blow merely bounces off his steel gauntlet. Knifin’ Around attempts to quickly withdraw her hand, but it’s not quick enough! Her moment of pride costs her, as Logem’s katana flicks through her right elbow, taking it off completely, and leaving Knifin’ Around…knifeless.
Using the last weapons she has, Knifin’ Around chomps madly at Logem with her teeth, but the wolverine man keeps his cool, rolling away from the intimidating incisors. Regaining his bearings, Logem stabs forward powerfully with his katana, running Knifin’ Around through her chest, as the curved tip of his adamantine katana pokes out of her back. Time itself seems suspended for a moment in the wake of this powerful strike. Nevertheless, Logem quickly pulls out his sword revealing that it wasn’t just time that was suspended, as Knifin’ Around topples to the ground, her legs seemingly useless in the aftermath of that spine severing attack.
Knifin’ Around fails to seem inconvenienced by this though, as she uses her falling momentum to chomp onto Logem’s right forearm. Her fearsome jaws lock on, and her head tosses it back and forth! With a cry of pain, Logem withdraws it from her jaws, but by the way it’s dangling, he’s not getting any use out of it any time soon. The wolverine man continues to defend himself though, attempting to use his adamantine katana to ward off any more devastating bites. But when your foe has no sense of self-preservation, what use is warding?
Knifin’ Around throws herself again and again into Logem’s blender, losing legs, feet, hands, and arms every time she does so. Eventually, after one last lunge costs her what remains of her left arm, Knifin’ Around’s blood-streaked body slams into the ground, and fails to rise again. Congratulations to Logem Branchsyrup! You are now the Champion of the 8th Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament!
FinaleLogem Branchsyrup, the Champion of Tournament VIII, vs the reigning Arena Champion, Papi Penetrator, the Champion of Tournament VIIGamelog:
https://pastebin.com/yczvn0UdAs Logem pauses to catch his breath and light a new cigar, the din of the arena’s reactions to his victory are temporarily eclipsed by the whooping of a yacht’s horn. With a rattle of chains, the arena gates open to reveal Papi Penetrator, Champion of Tournament VII, waddling towards his new challenger. His beer gut has grown, and his tan has deepened from many months at sea on the fishing trip paid for by his victory earnings, but he still sports his signature receding hairline, coke bottle glasses, and iconic fatherly mustache. “Hold your horses there, Logem BranchSUCKER! There’s only room for one #1 Swaggy Daddy in this arena, and you’re looking at him! Heh, I’m just ‘razzing ya’, as the kids say. I can tell you’ve put in a lot of time at the gym, even if you look like something out of a saturday morning cartoon I’d watch with my son.”
Drawing his adamantine short sword, the snapping turtle man took up a leisurely, but expert swordman’s stance. “As for this pickle of a title match, it’s nothing personal kiddo. I just need this win to finance my next fishing trip with my gym bros. Now look sharp, buckaroo, they don’t call me Papi Penetrator for nothing! I’m going to end you faster than I ended my alimony and child support payments!”
The two armored and adamantine armed fighters charge at one another, resolute in their cause, and eager to shed blood for Armok! It appears that Logem is the first to be successful in this case, as he jumps around Papi’s first strike, shearing his sword clean through the snapping turtle man’s left iron gauntlet! Papi’s left hand goes limp as blood begins to drip onto the greedy stones of the arena floor. Papi seems unbothered by this initial injury, as he swing once again with his adamantine short sword, but Logem merely parries with his katana, before using the angling of his deflection to stab once again into Papi’s injured forearm.
The katana briefly gets stuck in Papi’s skewered forearm as Logem struggles to wrench it free, all while ducking and dodging strikes from the humming adamantine short sword. The wolverine man’s precious ears are pulled flat against his head. He’s not eager to lose either of them again when he’s this close to glory! Logem finally manages to free his sword, using it to lash out with what appears to be a clumsy high blow. Papi easily parries it, but that’s when Logem’s trap is revealed!
Sweeping his sword low, Logem cuts through Papi’s right shin, causing the snapping turtle man to collapse to the ground in a heap of armor. Papi attempts to regain his bearings, making a hasty attack in an attempt to force the relentless wolverine man back, but Logem simply dances around the strike, before hewing apart Papi’s vulnerable wrist. The adamantine short sword clatters to the ground as Papi curls his maimed right hand against his chest, leaving the untouched Logem standing over him.
Papi attempts to lunge at the wolverine man with his crushing beak, but as he did with Knifin’ Around before, Logem forces Papi to pay for every mistake, every opening, and every slip-up. The adamantine katana shoots out from Logem’s hands time and time again with the force of a spear from a spike trap, puncturing Papi’s legs, arms, and chest. In the process of all this hole punching, Papi’s iron mail shirt soughs off him, as iron mail rings scatter all over the arena.
As his body grows weaker and weaker, Papi throws all his strength into one last chomp at Logem. Papi closes his mouth on empty space, but suddenly finds himself much lighter as he sails through the air. Papi’s view bounces on the stone floor of the arena several times, but as his view settles, he finds himself looking at his pudgy decapitated body, lying on the ground at Logem’s feet.
While Papi’s body gushes the last of its blood onto the floor, the arena bell tolls for the last time this year, announcing the arrival of a new reigning champion. The arena-goers climb to their feet, as the first calls of AKUR AKIR AKAM echo around amidst the cheers of the bloodthirsty crowd. Congratulations to Logem Branchsyrup! You are now the reigning arena champion, and have secured your dream of possessing the shining blue metal. But will you know what to do with yourself now that all you desire has been achieved? We’ll find out…next year!
Fights run and written by Mkhos
Intro for Papi by SlitherPapi
Author
Topic: Dwarf Fortress Gladiator Tournament VIII (Read 43815 times)