Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 [2]

Author Topic: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes  (Read 6424 times)

Skorpion

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2009, 05:20:33 pm »

Long story short, Urist pulled the lever 8)

Urist the mechanic had had enough. The food was good enough, but the booze supplies were running seriously low. There were more dwarves than barrels, and his last break had left him drinking from the well. And the one before. And the one before. And his good friend Urist mcAxedwarf had been killed in the last siege that had cut off the elven siege. And his cat. And his good friend Urist mcHauler had been cut down by goblins the previous spring, hauling back a log.
He decided to kill as many dwarves as possible, to make sure his protest was heard.
First, he left his sock on a door that was stopping the elf-drowning pumps from leaking. Then, he left his other sock on the other door of the airlock. Then he wandered around, dropping items of clothing on doors. Then, he waited.
Then the year's elven caravan arrived, mysteriously unmolested by the goblins. Once they'd entered the trade depot and the floodgates had closed, he smashed the hatches covering the main entrance, and kicked someone away from the barrel they'd been drinking from for the last day or so. Taking a final drink of booze, he waited again. When the levers were pulled to drown the elves, water was drawn up from the brook, filling the depot. Then it flowed through the doors, and into the staircase. Urist watched with glee as the fort filled, the levers soon ending up far enough underwater that no dwarf could reach them. As the fort drowned from the top downwards, he laughed.
Logged
The *large serrated steel disk* strikes the Raven in the head, tearing apart the muscle, shattering the skull, and tearing apart the brain!
A tendon in the skull has been torn!
The Raven has been knocked unconcious!

Elves do it in trees. Humans do it in wooden structures. Dwarves? Dwarves do it underground. With magma.

varkarrus

  • Bay Watcher
  • Insanity and a knife go well together.
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2009, 06:56:39 pm »

Urist mcEngraver was tired. He was legendary, and he had a good idea. He smoothed stone like he never did before. By daybreak, the entire fortress was resmoothed. He also pulled a lever. As the dwarves woke up one by one, they all began to slip and fall down on the overly smoothed tiles. He turned all the stairs into really smooth ramps with no rails. Then, the miners, after taking a really long time to get down below realised that someone had pulled the "Keep demons imprisoned" lever. Spirits of fire, unhindered by the smoothed stone escaped and burned everyone who couldn't crawl along the frictionless ground at less than 20 miles an hour. Namely, everyone. Urist finished off his cat meat, and watched gleefully. He flipped one last lever, flinging him safely outside the fortress and into elf country, where he lived happily ever after.
Logged
Dip Stick! The newest candy! Just dip it, then lick it!
Or try FUBAR! The best chocolate bar ever!
And you can't eat them, either, sadly. Even though it'd make sieges so much more fun; dwarves lining the walls, drooling and carrying sharp knives and forks, ready for the upcoming meals.

Jurph

  • Bay Watcher
  • Minister of Belt-fed Weaponry
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2009, 11:25:04 pm »

Jurph, you are a genius.
Agreed.
Economically destroying a fort..... IT'S BRILLIANT!

Thanks all!  I'm trying to figure out how a glassmaker or another crafter could destroy the fort.
Logged
Dreambrother has my original hammer-shaped Great Hall.  Towerweak has taken the idea to the next level.

Draco18s

  • Bay Watcher
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #18 on: May 31, 2009, 01:43:19 am »

Embark on one of those forts done during the "lava on top of bottomless pit" bug versions.

Your fort will last exactly 5 in game minutes.
Logged

Leafsnail

  • Bay Watcher
  • A single snail can make a world go extinct.
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #19 on: May 31, 2009, 07:28:31 am »

Urist Mcwrestlerdwarf was walking to the dining room.  He was tired.  He had been summoned to fight off some snakemen on the other side of the fortress.  Why they couldn't just use traps he'd never know.

He approached the Grand corridor.  It was a manifestly excessive structure - a corridor, several z levels high, ran through the fort.  He stood on the ledge above the corridor (a concession to practicality) and walked along.  He whistled a tune, his *Steel Shield* glinting in the semi darkness underground.

Suddenly, he heard a noise.  He whirled around.  Behind him was a fire imp.  He had heard about these.  They frequently caused chaos down at the magma forges.  He had never seen one, but the mysterious booze explosion of '05 was rumoured to be caused by them.

He primed his shield.  He was ready to fight.  The imp threw a fireball at him - but he blocked, and struck the pathetic creature with his shield.  Urist then casually dodged the next strike from the imp.  He thought he could hear it laughing, for some reason.

What happened next was strange.  One moment he was looking at a fire imp, then a chert wall, then a chert ceiling, then another wall...

*Whump*.

Urist woke up and examined himself.  Broken wrist.  Broken leg.  It was painful, that was for sure.  He decided he needed a nice rest, and headed off for bed.  He realised as he was leaving that he had dropped his shield.  Never mind, he could reclaim it later.

Hmm, it was a bit warmer than usual.  Quite a lot warmer, actually.  And there was a clicking sound.  A sound like a door jammed by a butterfly corpse.  And then another sound.  A sound like the mayor yelling "Idiot!  You've cursed us all!" at the top of his voice.

Urist looked round.  He saw the magma.  He crawled towards it, trying to remove his shield, when he realised he wouldn't make it.  He turned to crawl off... and fainted.

4 z levels up, the fire imp surveyed his handiwork.  Death.  Destruction.  Magma.  The mountain had been claimed by Armok.
Logged

LegoLord

  • Bay Watcher
  • Can you see it now?
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #20 on: May 31, 2009, 08:27:19 am »

How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes:  make a few instruments and then play a Hannah Montana song.

They will all die before the song finishes.
Logged
"Oh look there is a dragon my clothes might burn let me take them off and only wear steel plate."
And this is how tinned food was invented.
Alternately: The Brick Testament. It's a really fun look at what the bible would look like if interpreted literally. With Legos.
Just so I remember

Kohou

  • Bay Watcher
  • Who the Armok do you think I am?
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #21 on: May 31, 2009, 11:45:10 am »

Thanks all!  I'm trying to figure out how a glassmaker or another crafter could destroy the fort.

Well, since you told the EPIC Legend of the Sub-Prime Suicide, might I take a try of this one?



It was then that McGlassmaker had an idea!
The dwarf had a wonderful, haughty idea.
He took every floor, every ceiling, each wall.
He built them again, and he built them up tall.
The glassmaker made every stone from clear glass,
Even though it would be quite a pain in the...

Anyway, he succeeded, EXACTLY as planned.
A success so successful, you might call it grand.
But no sooner had the last brick been laid down
Than twenty-five goblins converged on the town.
"All dwarves, get inside!" came the shout from the mayor,
And dwarves turned to flee, with a wing and a prayer.

But now comes the dark part of this tale of pride!
For the dwarves were unable to find an "inside".
The dwarves were pursued to the depths by the light.
A sun that would give them no respite, no night.
They huddled there, trapped without booze, food, or beds.
Cursing the pride that would leave them all dead.
Logged
"Don't worry Urist, the spider can't hurt us! He's trapped in an invisible box!"

"Don't dig for you!  Dig for me who digs for you!  Yours is the pick that will strike the earth!"

Mohreb el Yasim

  • Bay Watcher
  • ♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♪♫♪
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #22 on: June 03, 2009, 03:34:47 pm »

Urist McDwarf got a really brilliant idee, he just needed some rocks, iron, and glass. It would be quite good, but ... but in this tundra there were no sand of course ... so he couldn't make the braclet of seduction, he dreamed about. he wen't melancolic. Once his wife tried to calm him down, he gas enougth... Urist McDwarf killed his wife and then with its sockets killed also three of his younger childs, finaly he decided to jump off the roof of the top of the fortress... His son was really sad ... not only his father, mother and three sisters died that day but also his wife (who heppened to be his sister.) Then Urist Junior, begun to tantrum, the captain of the guard should have captured him, but he was taking his dinner now. So Urist McDwarf Junior killed the whole family of this dining guard captain. Then he jumped of the top of the fortress. This made Kog McDwarf Captain of Fortress really sad ...
Logged
Mohreb el Yasim


GENERATION 24:The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experime

Cheshire Cat

  • Bay Watcher
  • You Have Struck Turtle Shell!
    • View Profile
Re: How to destroy a fort in 5 minutes
« Reply #23 on: June 04, 2009, 08:33:27 am »

Awesomeness

what is great is that as the game gets more advanced, and intercity trade appears along with some kind of economy, stuff like this may happen. looking in the release notes there is preliminary work for this sort of stuff but toady seems rightfully scared he will break the world if he pulls the lever that activates the economy.

also, everyones ideas are awesome. i like the glass fortress one.

in my experience any dwarf can kill a fortress, all he has to do is tantrum and kill someone really popular. or worse, tantrum, clobber a legendary champions child, then have the legendary champion kill a large number of really popular people.

in one fort a long time back i nearly lost a 200+ dwarf fort to tantrum spiral because the mayor lost it. she had been there since the original 7, was friends with everyone, and was legendary in most of the available crafting skills. she killed half the steel wearing fortress guard with her bare hands. it was insane. then she hit one of my uber adamantium equipped military dwarves, who hit her back with an adamantium hammer. then tantrums suddenly appeared everywhere. it was amazing.

and it was all due to releasing the HFS, which killed most of the mayors 30 or so cats who were hunting spiders in the lower passages.
Logged
Pages: 1 [2]