Don't let the fancy name fool you folks, we've been deployed to Mexico to prevent the sectoids from making off with a shipment of drugs. What, who did you
think was funding us, Greenpeace? In true X-COM fashion the Skyranger touches down in the parking lot of a liquor store; the pilots want to score some free tequila before we return to base.
Xantalos and nameless grunt #1 go left to shelter behind a car while the Walker twins move to the edge of the map, hoping to sneak around into the building.
A few turns later, Xantalos hears alien chittering coming from the north-west. For some reason she wonders aloud what could possibly sound like aliens in an alien attack zone. Walker and Walker breach the liquor store, intent on looting some cans of Foster's, but find sectoids instead. Romero dashes over to support them while Xantalos wishes that she had squad sight. The xenos pile up, apparently intent on bum-rushing Walker.
One mind-melds, but the other two are clearly on overwatch. Walker 1 throws a shitty grenade...
And Walker 2 fails to crit on a 75% flank shot at the mind-melder.
A sectoid takes a reaction shot at Romero and fails horribly. Good to know that he doesn't move like a zombie. He returns the favor, missing his own shot.
The xenos screw themselves, giving Walker 2 a grenade that kills the mind-melder and his buddy while bringing the third down to a single point of health.
Xantalos drills it with a 33% pistol shot. There's a future for this one, methinks.
Everyone reloads, hoping for a breather, but it is not to be. A sectoid patrol triggers in the parking lot and our squad takes up positions. Unable to get a good shot, Xantalos and Romero hunker down while Walker 1 goes on overwatch from behind a shelf full of boxed wine and Walker 2 dashes in from the alley out back. A sectoid gives Xantalos a 53% sniper shot, but since she can get within grenade range, we decide to try our luck with rifles first.
This is a key component of early Enemy Unknown play: frag grenades have 100% accuracy and are guaranteed damage to anything they hit.
This pays off, saving us a grenade when Walker 2 nails the sectoid with a 55% shot. After an overwatched turn, we know they're waiting for us. Not going to play that game. Walker 2 reloads her rifle as everyone else overwatches again from behind full cover. The lone xeno eventually shows itself, but it stay put behind a car. Sounds let us know that more are waiting further north-west for us to stumble across, so Walker 2 goes to flank from the south-east, backed by Xantalos. The latter tries for a poor shot and misses. Walker 1 goes to assist and-
-FUCK!
Walker 1 is forced to dash to avoid being flanked, while Romero moves up to cover his flank from the new threat.
Xantalos burns her grenade to light up the car the parking lot sectoid is hiding behind, with Walker 2 going on overwatch. The gents in the liquor store hunker down and wait for the sectoids to move. Amusingly, the hiding sectoid is apparently unfamiliar with action movie mechanics and meets a fiery, gravity-assisted demise.
Romero and Walker 1 continue to abuse full-cover Hunker Down while the ladies advance through the parking lot. Romero also proves to be a terrible shot during reaction fire on the melded sectoid. The five dead sectoids plus these two only make 7, and this is Impossible. It's virtually assured that there's at least one more pack out there somewhere, and we don't want to risk triggering them in this sort of situation.
Walker 2 takes her 55% shot, putting the mind-melder down to 1 point.
A lucky shot puts down Squaddie Xantalos almost before her path to greatness had begun.
Walker 1 panics and does fuck-all to help. A third sectoid pops out of the building next door. Maybe there isn't another pack after all. Walker 1's trusty column finally fails him, and he's taken out.
His sister follows shortly after.
Romero hunkers down and prays. A turn later, he dashes for cover, dodging reaction fire by a hair. He takes down a sectoid with a flank shot.
"Two left", he whispers to himself, "Two left." More plasma fire wrecks the facade of the liquor store. Taking a rare opportunity, he ducks into concealment and reloads. He miscalculates the position of the enemy, barely misses being gunned down, and has to dash to avoid being in flank. It's a standoff.
In an effort to break it, he takes reaction fire, but it's only a single point of damage. Ducking into concealment, he medpacks himself. ((At this point there's literally nothing I can do. No teammates to flank the mind-melder, no grenades to break cover, and the sectoid I can see keeps flitting back and forth between full cover. With 15% CTH I won't be able to hit him, and even then the mind-meld health boost will keep him from being killed even with a crit.))
Romero overwatches to draw fire, in order to prevent the sectoid from reaction-firing him, then advances. His only hope here is to close the distance and pray. The sectoid obliges, giving him a flank shot, but...
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me.
60% critical chance and all Romero manages is 2 damage.
Two take potshots while the melded one advances. I can't tell if he's on overwatch, but I have to chance it; this is a
bad situation. Evidently not. Here goes.
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!? Gorram damage roulette buggers Romero again. This may be it for the adventures of everyone's favorite non-zombie, folks.
Or not.
Romero finally kills the sectoid, but he's in trouble. Only a single point of health, low ammo, and three xenos left on the playing field. Several nervous turns culminate in some underwhelming reaction fire. But hey, at least it's a hit.
The sectoid wrecks his cover, but with a third on the loose he can't afford to risk moving up. He tries to lure them in, but they decide to sit back and play the overwatch game. The liquor store is a war of attrition, and we can't win that. Romero retreats to a bus stop near the 'ranger, a trail of burning cars in his wake. Hopefully the sectoids will advance through no-cover-land to reach him. Theres a sign to the north-west that would be a great position, if only he could reach it. Romero commences Operation Sneaky-Sneak v2.0. The sectoids do not approve.
He runs like the wind, making it to the sign. Unfortunately, the plasma fire makes it to him.
BAD END. 7 dead xenos, 100% mortality rate for X-COM. Those Mexican drugs and drinks are no longer fit for human consumption. All three countries flip their shit.
I'm sure the satellite will solve all of these problems, right?
We spend most of our money on a pair of new recruits and head back to Mission Control for a relaxing gallon of vodka to take the edge off. A few days later, the weapon fragment research is finished. We can now build S.C.O.P.E.s, which would be nice if we had any snipers or money. We start research on Experimental Warfare, the next step towards PEWPEWPEW, which will be the only thing that can save us from the alien menace.
Shortly thereafter, we spot a UFO. Interceptors away!
Our trusty pilot (who is actually Jeff Goldblum) shoots down the alien craft using a basic computer virus. The command crew throw a party in their shitty blazers. Looking around, I begin to wonder if they're actually all clones.
Going on this mission will be Squaddie Xantalos the Second, Cognitive Dissonance (who has a truly amazing head of hair), and two random grunts by the names of Clarke and Haussman.
Join us next time on Ironman Impossible for Operation Hot Hawk, in which our brave crew attempts to recover a stolen cache of German fetish porn from a downed alien ship in the Black Forest.
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Topic: Let's Play XCOM: EU - Ironman Impossible Half-Blind - Your Mum is a Crystal (Read 5927 times)