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Author Topic: Worst artifact ever, of all time  (Read 4583 times)

4powerd

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Worst artifact ever, of all time
« on: November 05, 2017, 01:13:29 pm »

my carpenter just made the worst artifact ever. it's a cherry wood chair, that's it, literally nothing special about it, it just took one log to make, the only upside to this is that now I have a legendary carpenter
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don't walk past the unoccupied beds to sleep on the floor and then complain about it

PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2017, 01:16:26 pm »

Not sure why you're complaining about it on this forum, unless it's just something you found amusing enough to share (which your tone suggests against). Artifacts are randomly-generated and as a result occasionally you get pretty lame ones, no one's fault.
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

4powerd

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2017, 01:18:02 pm »

Not sure why you're complaining about it on this forum, unless it's just something you found amusing enough to share (which your tone suggests against). Artifacts are randomly-generated and as a result occasionally you get pretty lame ones, no one's fault.
I do find it kinda funny, in a kind of "what" way
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GENERATION 30:
The first time you see this, copy it into your signature on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
don't walk past the unoccupied beds to sleep on the floor and then complain about it

FantasticDorf

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2017, 01:18:43 pm »

hey there's no need to rain on the parade PlumpHelmetMan.

I can personally count all the llama wool trinkets amongst some of my most dissapointing artifacts, not even worth a lot and with a possessed mood no skill given either.
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PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2017, 01:21:09 pm »

My intention wasn't to rain on the parade, I just misunderstood the purpose of the post. Sorry if I came across as a buzzkill. :P
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

Ametsala

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2017, 02:03:37 pm »

A chair is actually a pretty nice artifact, as you can put it in a meeting hall for your dorfs to marvel. The important question is, however, does it menace with spikes of cherry wood? If it does not, then it's truly one of the worst artifacts ever  :P

Just looked at some of the artifacts in my current fort and one of them menaces with spikes of pig tail.
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PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2017, 02:09:51 pm »

Artifacts like this should be even more amusing come the new release. "One chair to rule them all".
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

Fleeting Frames

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2017, 02:11:11 pm »

Yeah, it's fairly decent as far as first artifacts go. Offices are made from thrones, can be built and used in dining hall, can be even set on fire if you want and most importantly makes for a half-decent building destroyer bait, being indestructible, which is more useful for fledgling fortress than bit sharper axe or defensive armour. And the minimum value helps hold them away until you get ready. I'd prefer a door or hatch over a chair, but that's about it.

Lozzymandias

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #8 on: November 05, 2017, 02:17:36 pm »

Fate has gifted you a quest. Acquire a full flammable bedroom, study and dining room artifact suite. Become the mountain home. Set alight, they will be furniture fit for a king, or even a long line of kings with very short rules.
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Thisfox

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2017, 02:19:06 pm »

I still say the forgotten-beast-shell toy was my worst. Dorfs died for that stupid thing. A lot of them..... And I can't have it in my dining hall to sit on either! All that work getting him a darned shell and that's the result! A chair is much better than that.

That's why I always do the only mod I've ever allowed myself: A display cabinet. For artifacts which are useless and can't be used to beautify a room.

Current fort has not one but two artifact coffins. .....Now all I need is royalty, and an accident....
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StumpytheOzzie

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #10 on: November 05, 2017, 05:17:37 pm »

Legendary carpenter eh?

I wouldn't complain. My record is 8 possessions in a row. So 8 moods, but no xp gain.
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NJW2000

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #11 on: November 05, 2017, 05:23:22 pm »

What would be the real worst artifact ever?

Chairs are useful, you can build them for double value and utility.

What would be the worst object, and least valuable material?
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anewaname

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #12 on: November 05, 2017, 05:37:33 pm »

@4powerd
The "What's going on in your fort?" thread is a good place to post this. Check out the last few pages of it.

That is not a chair, that is a throne!
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Fleeting Frames

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #13 on: November 05, 2017, 05:39:59 pm »

I think perhaps the worst case I've heard of was moody dwarf taking the only copper bar intended to make a pick to produce a bracelet.

Combine that with dead civ and island oceanside embark, and the only way player may be able to get a pick would be bonecarving mood into one. No visitors, migrants, thieves, invaders or caravans to bring more metal.

4powerd

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Re: Worst artifact ever, of all time
« Reply #14 on: November 05, 2017, 06:02:26 pm »

A chair is actually a pretty nice artifact, as you can put it in a meeting hall for your dorfs to marvel. The important question is, however, does it menace with spikes of cherry wood? If it does not, then it's truly one of the worst artifacts ever  :P

Just looked at some of the artifacts in my current fort and one of them menaces with spikes of pig tail.
no spike, sadly, and how do you make spikes out of pig tail?
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GENERATION 30:
The first time you see this, copy it into your signature on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
don't walk past the unoccupied beds to sleep on the floor and then complain about it
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