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[Christes]

I am taking a wiiild guess here, but I was with Christes, wasnt I?

Yeah, Im pretty sure you guys were down by the river stroking each others beards.

Christes cancels defend fort: horny

[MrGimp]

GRRRRRR!!!  ANOTHER ONE!!!!

Damn you, you tax collecting son of a motherless goat!  I dont know how he got here or who told him...I would have first suspected the Duchess...but upon closer inspection I think it is the mayor.  He just assigned someone to a beating for not fulfilling production orders.  I think the mayor is trying to break out from my control....the insolence!!!



Oh, and check out Mistim Kubukrosat, the stupidest dwarf alive.  He stabbed himself in the pet rehabilitation booth.  HOW?!?!?!?!  Only an IDIOT could have managed something so impossibly unlikely. 



However his stupidity was only just being revealed by the self stabbing.  Oh no...I was further enlightened to his moronic capacity when the idiot decided to rest his dumb ass IN THE DEATH PIT!!!!



Suffice it to say I killed the yokel and took his propensity for imbecilic stupidity out of the gene pool.  I also killed his pet horse.  The bastard.

[MrGimp]

"Come on Bomrek, please?" asked Zulaf for the one millionth time.

"NO!" shouted the Hammerer.

"But I really want it!"

Just then several Beak Dog corpses fell through the mysterious new skylight.  Then a couple goblins fell on top of the pile.  Blood squirted from the gaping wounds as the bodies hit the hard surface below.  Zulaf and Bomrek looked at the pile and then at each other.

It was about to get real stinky in this pit...

[Tradanbattlan]

Wah hah hah!

[MrGimp]

A child got all OCD and tried to design some great trinket for the queen.  The child failed miserably and now shuffles about the arena to the delight and merriment of drunken onlookers.  Deranged and babbling, she is refusing food and alcohol.  Armok's merciless embrace will soon take this one.



Queen Urist had ordered yet another clear cut of the southern forest.  In attempting to carry out this mandate, the wild and savage descendants of the great Gutterstruck attacked my woodcutters and haulers.  Queen Urist was forced to send Lord Lego and Captain Jack to dispatch the vile creatures once and for all.

So ends the tale of Gutterstruck's abandoned children and grandchildren.  May they suffer horrible fates in the next life.



Another season, another siege.

I like this guards name, Utes Smatters-a-lot.  Yes, yes he does.

This siege is the largest by far.  And I only have 15 military dwarves on duty and not drinking.  Still, I like my chances.

Christes and Tradanbattlan grabbed hold of each others hands as their squadmates grabbed their gear and hurried to their positions out on the field of battle.  The two dwarves stood staring into each others eyes without speaking.  Words were not needed.  This was a moment the two shared together each time they went into battle.  Quickly, however, that moment was cut short, and the two warriors marched to their potential deaths on Armok's grim chessboard.

Lord Lego and Captain Jack's squads' charge first, as always.



But whats this?  After killing one of the three southern goblin squads the marksdwarves retire, all following Lord Lego off the field!



Captain Jack is left to fight off a swarm of goblins yet again.  From the very center of the writhing mass of green flesh and pouring blood, the captain's axe swung wild yet true.  Many goblins fell, but more kept coming.

On the eastern side of the fortress, the first wave of goblins is repelled by 4 mighty axedwarf champions.  Another three or four waves remain, however, and the four dwarves have no back up.  The next wave is approaching in the east as Captain Jack and his men are surrounded in the west.

Just when things couldnt get any worse, the Queen goes insane...



Will the Queen throw herself in the river when she cant find any turtle shell or pig tail thread?  Does Blockedlance deserve to exist without the Queen?  Will Captain Jack survive?  Will Lord Lego be thrown in the arena for insolence?

Find out next time as the Legend of the Foggy Barb continues...

[Jackrabbit]

Jack! Don't worry, if you die you'll just revive! Oh, wait. That was that show, wasn't it?

So glad that you returned to this. It is awesome!

[LegoLord]

Lord Lego? Wait, that's in Libash Tobat.  I'm LegoLord in this one.

[Tradanbattlan]

Oh dear.
I suppose things would have gone a wee bit better if Christes and I had been there...
*guilt guilt guilt*

[MrGimp]

Lord Lego? Wait, that's in Libash Tobat.  I'm LegoLord in this one.

I was just nicknaming you that for story purposes, you and Jackrabbit are the squadleaders.  I thought it would sound cooler and more dwarfy if Queen Urist had a Lord and a Captain doing her bidding. 

But I dont have to if you dont want me to, I still have the dwarves named Jackrabbit and Legolord in game.

[MrGimp]

Oh dear.
I suppose things would have gone a wee bit better if Christes and I had been there...
*guilt guilt guilt*

You guys were there, you just followed Legolord off somewhere in the middle of battle.  But you guys came back...Ill post the update in a minute...

[MrGimp]

Captain Jack fought the ramaining goblins off the field.  After such a gruesome battle, in which he entered a trancelike state, it was upsetting to have no more goblins to kill.  To the east, the four legendary axedwarves repelled yet another wave of goblins, this time with the help of some marksdwarves who had come back from getting hammered.

Captain Jack decided to march his squad northwest, to cut off the last goblin squad as it raced west to get around Blockedlance's outer palisade.  The marksdwarves under the command of the Lord of Legos returned from their ADD inspired break and followed Captain Jack's squad to meet the goblin foe.

By this time however, the goblins were in full retreat.  Jackrabbit and Legolord pursued the last goblin squad at full speed, managing to kill a few before they escaped.  One of them however was a goblin local leader.  Christes did the honors...



Captain Jack wiped the blood off his axe, which had been fed five more goblins this day.  Tradanbattlan congratulated his lover on her physical prowess and the killing of a goblin leader.  In turn, she congratulated him for his two kills.

As the battle ended, Queen Urist emerged with her newly created artifact!



Behold Impaledcrowded, the Knives of Lightning, the diorite bracelet!!!

On this item Urist carved a gruesome scene of old Queen Cog crawling through maggot infested dog corpses, reaching for Urist's adamantine mug that floated above her and out of reach, shining like the holy grail.

Ahhh...it was a fine bracelet indeed.

[Tradanbattlan]

Yes, it is a...
uh... mighty fine bracelet indeed...
 

[MrGimp]

Yes, it is a...
uh... mighty fine bracelet indeed...
 

Yeah I was hoping for an adamantine axe or some armor or something...but it was not to be.  But hey, the fortress already has an artifact sword with a demon on it.  I thought Urist putting Queen Cog on it was a nice touch...and somehow it reminded me of when Queen Cog first showed up and had to go through the main corridor full of dead war dogs. 

[Jackrabbit]

Artifact axe? Hmmmmm. I already have an adamantine axe though, right? Also, 5 kills! Suck it, suicidal goblins!

[LegoLord]

Lord Lego? Wait, that's in Libash Tobat.  I'm LegoLord in this one.

I was just nicknaming you that for story purposes, you and Jackrabbit are the squadleaders.  I thought it would sound cooler and more dwarfy if Queen Urist had a Lord and a Captain doing her bidding. 

But I dont have to if you dont want me to, I still have the dwarves named Jackrabbit and Legolord in game.

Ah, I see.  Please continue as you have been (good idea there)