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Author Topic: Blockedlance - No More Stops Until Ragnarok!  (Read 419687 times)

Plank of Wood

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1005 on: September 21, 2009, 11:14:42 am »

As far as I'm aware, they've been shagging constantly for several years now.
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The science of burning innocent children could be perfected into clockwork.
They're like little bearded corals.

Reasonableman

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1006 on: September 21, 2009, 01:16:37 pm »

This is just the weirdest point in this thread to jump in on. I honestly have no clue what is going on here.
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A sane man must be reasonable, but a reasonable man need not be sane.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1007 on: September 21, 2009, 03:21:14 pm »

Is it me or does Jackrabbit have a thing for the removal of reproductive organs?

My reproductive organs have brought me nothing but trouble.

But yeah...Jackrabbit is right.  I'd still rather be one-armed than two-legged.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1008 on: September 21, 2009, 03:31:17 pm »

This is just the weirdest point in this thread to jump in on. I honestly have no clue what is going on here.

You're just being far too reasonable Reasonableman, that's all.   ;D

A brief summary of the story -
A dwarven civilization on the brink of destruction strikes adamantine and the outpost was slaughtered by demons.  A reclaim party is sent, but only one survives - a dwarf named Urist.  Urist lived like a hermit for a while before the Queen came.  Then Urist killed the Queen and made herself Queen.  Then she assassinated the Duke.  Then she built a temple to Ber Steelearthen...but it was really a Temple to Armok.  So she fooled everyone into going along with sacrifices to Armok Ber Steelearthen.  Then there was a rebellion because some stubborn dwarves didn't want to be sacrificed or something weird like that.  Then Urist drowned some of them, and then kicked the others' asses.  Then she started building a pyramid.

That's where we're at so far.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1009 on: September 21, 2009, 04:13:23 pm »

We're at the part where Queenie hits the Quarcaine a bit hard

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1010 on: September 21, 2009, 04:13:37 pm »

When the elf corpse had burnt to a crisp, and lay in the courtyard smoldering, the High Priest Kulaka came forward.  He carried the artifact wooden scepter carved long ago.  He marched to the edge of the moat and began chanting in ancient Dwarvish.

As he did so, dwarves began gathering.  The Queen climbed to the top of the battlements and spoke down to the dwarves below, "Hear me, my flock!  Many of you do not believe in the might of my God...but it is HE that holds back the darkness.  With his help, I have rebuilt our nation!  Who questions the glory of our God when they look at his temple?  Who can question the wealth He has brought to this place?"

There was silence among the crowd below.

"Yet still some of you snicker in the hallways...complaining that this wealth had too high a price.  You complain that you have lost too many loved ones.  You do not even thank our Lord above for the pain he has given you!  It can only make you stronger!"

At this point a couple of the more beardly dwarves clapped their hands and shouted out in agreement.

"Yes my dwarves!  Hear this from me, for I was not born to the purple!  I clawed my way to it!  Strength is all that matters!  I will make our nation strong again!  I ask only that you stand with me!"

The crowd applauded and cheered, not wanting to be considered a rebel or traitor.

"Good!  Those who are strong enough to stand beside me shall share in the riches of our great new mountain-home!  For with the help of our Lord, nothing is impossible!!!  High Priest, commence the conjuring!"

High Priest Kulaka raised the scepter, and shouted another line of ancient dwarvish.  Then he plunged the scepter into the water of the moat.  Immediately the surface of the water burst into flames, knocking the High Priest back...



The dwarves ran to the entry ways and battlements to see what had happened.  The water was no longer blue...it was red.  And as some of the dwarves neared it, they were struck by it's heat.  Suddenly they realized what it was.  All of the fighting and rebellion, all of the doubts about the Queen and the Priests, they were all swept away instantly.  The Queen had brought about something no other dwarf had ever been able to do.  It was the ultimate dwarven alchemy.  Humans sought to turn things into worthless gold.  That was nothing.  No.  The great Queen Urist had turned water into magma!  (okay technically lava)



The dwarves shouted, nearly in unisonm "Long live Queen Urist!  Gods save the Queen!".  They dropped to their knees - every one of them - and began cheering and bowing and clapping their hands. 

Now...at last....Blockedlance had everything!
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Eagle

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« Last Edit: September 21, 2009, 04:24:31 pm by Eagle »
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Tradanbattlan

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1012 on: September 21, 2009, 04:29:11 pm »

It's the end of the world as we know it!
It's the end of the world as we know it!
It's the end of the world as we know it!
And I feel fine~!

Randall Octagonapus

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1013 on: September 21, 2009, 05:18:50 pm »

how the hell did you do that?
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MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1014 on: September 21, 2009, 06:47:11 pm »

I spilled my awesome sauce upon the ground, and holy magma frothed up from it.


Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Maggarg - Eater of chicke

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1015 on: September 22, 2009, 10:52:41 am »

Is Mogror dying, or just laughing?
It's rather hard to tell.
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Plank of Wood

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1016 on: September 22, 2009, 12:11:14 pm »

I honestly really want to make Winston McDwarf some diary entries, but I don't think I could write them epicly enough to match the thread.
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The science of burning innocent children could be perfected into clockwork.
They're like little bearded corals.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1017 on: September 22, 2009, 01:02:31 pm »

Is Mogror dying, or just laughing?
It's rather hard to tell.

With all the new engineering possibilities opened up by infinite magma placed exactly where it is needed, I think Mogror is crapping himself with glee!  Err...IF he were wearing any clothes which he could crap that is.  I suppose in reality he's just crapping the floor.
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

MrGimp

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1018 on: September 22, 2009, 01:05:42 pm »

I honestly really want to make Winston McDwarf some diary entries, but I don't think I could write them epicly enough to match the thread.

Feel free to write diary entries or things like that, epic or not (that goes for everybody).  If it conflicts with the story somehow Ill step in and lay down the law.   
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Thus ends the official written history of the fortress known as Boatmurdered. May their tortured souls rest in peace.

Maggarg - Eater of chicke

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Re: Blockedlance - Grave of a Thousand Dwarves
« Reply #1019 on: September 22, 2009, 02:28:03 pm »

Is Mogror dying, or just laughing?
It's rather hard to tell.

With all the new engineering possibilities opened up by infinite magma placed exactly where it is needed, I think Mogror is crapping himself with glee!  Err...IF he were wearing any clothes which he could crap that is.  I suppose in reality he's just crapping the floor.

That's an image too awful to contemplate
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...I keep searching for my family's raw files, for modding them.
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