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Author Topic: FailCannon: No Rest for the Wicked (or anyone else) (Succession: Battlefailed 2)  (Read 160013 times)

CatalystParadox

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1455 on: August 04, 2011, 11:58:11 pm »

We fled Graspedseduce in our wagons by the hundreds. Women, children, cats, keets and pet alpacas, we came shivering across the Plains of Ooze fleeing the ruin and mad wrath of the demon-queen Led Shakeoars.  Many of our brothers and sisters had risen in rebellion against the excesses of the Mad Queen, and many and more were cut down by her cult and their terrible servants.  I will never forget the sounds or sights of the night wolves tore apart the dwarves of Graspedseduce, their bodies all of salt, reeking of gore and brimstone.

After this, somehow fleeing to the fortress of Failcannon sounded like a good idea.  I will attempt to chronicle herein the folly that ensued.

----

Journal of 'Catalyst' - Elven Studies Major

We recognized Failcannon by its famous sculptural masterpeice - truly, nothing in the history of our art has better expressed the Dwarven condition.


Stranger monuments awaited us within the gates.  It would appear that the only material more abundant than gold at Failcannon is goblins.  The dwarfs who received me proudly showed me the enormous spider statue, and explained its construction.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I thanked them for the nightmares I would be having for the next month, and declined an explanation of the other structure across the yard, built of a distinctly different type of bone.  I decided I might be better not knowing.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I was immediately struck by the sad state of fortress - a population of a mere 28 dwarves in the entire vast structure, itself in terrible disarray.  Worse, though, were the dwarves themselves.  One can scarce find a sane and whole dwarf in the entire place - and IF you do, they are most likely one of the many grim, heavily-armed, hardened killers stalking the halls and ready to fill you with bolts at the first sign of discontent.  When we arrived, we had apparently just missed our chance to witness the glory of Dwarven Justice in action.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It was clearly an epic battle that took place, starting with Greader, Tabul, and the Chronicler Takua.  It all took place next to the huge and surely very-efficient corpse-and-food stockpile.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In the course of things, Takua took quite a beating, yet still stayed on his feet.  Meanwhile others in the fort got involved, including some fellow calling himself Andreus the "Timeless Mage", stepped in to pepper Greader with shots, and one child caught in the crossfire.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Strangely, this encounter did not last long, as all the dwarves went back to their respective business shortly thereafter.  Except in Andreus's case, where that business was apparently taking potshots at anyone who happened to be nearby, regardless of whether they were, say, crippled in a hospital bed.

The fight soon spilled to involve an Alchemist named Grov trading shots with Andreus as well, as That Aussie Dwarf slunk off somewhere after suffering one ineffectual potshot.  A soldier named Elt intervened and Andreus soon found himself in dire straits. 
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

As Andreus dragged himself around the floor of the statue garden, apparently intent on painting the floor bright red, as his last act on earth, a one-handed cheesemaker, Strategia, decided to join in on the shooting gallery.


I have yet to understand exactly why Andreus was targetted.  I have heard some nonsense about "his sins from past lives" but surely I have misunderstood.

Greader, of course, continued his rampage, this time pursuing the !!Scientist!! Uristein, while EmeraldWind pursued several others, inflicting minor injuries on each.  Greader retired for the night, apparently feeling that a good day's work had been done.  Meanwhile that night, 'Dete' succumbed to an infected wound, presumable unrelated to the scratch that Greader had just given him, and the soldier Elt exacted retribution on EmeraldWind for the chaos that had been carried out largely by Greader.  Both are Stoneworkers by trade, so I can understand the confusion.

Yet, I find it odd that there is so little distinction between "dwarven justice" and "taking potshots at your fellow dwarves for sport".  I guess the list of dwarves in need of punishment in this place is actually longer than the job queue and the current population roster, combined.

Apparently the 5th death was a dwarf named Sinpwn - he died in his bed of thirst, it would seem.  The doctors here are apparently too overburdened to care for all the injured.  I hope I am up to the task of setting this right, but the task of bringing order to this fortress will be much like selling toothpicks to elves.

It did not take long for the slaughter to resume.  Strategia shot down a cat, and soon engaged the militia captain, Mormota, in combat as well.  She seems to be tough, for a one-handed cheesemaker, and it was captain Mormota who hit the ground fainting from pain soon enough. Strategia continued her rampage across the fort, leaving Mormota unconscious, injuring several and shooting down the soldier Vee with a few well placed bolts.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

As she continued to plunk arrows into the various citizens of Failcannon, the guard finally decided this was the time to spring into action.  Moments later, Strategia lay dead.  Elsewhere, Ahriman decided to now continue what seems to have been a long-running rampage, and struck down Scaraban so quickly it seemed almost incidental.  DuckThatQuacks then intervened and quickly put an end to Ahriman's rampage with his deadly battleax, then quickly sprinted to the aid of the injured PAINBRINGER against Elt the soldier, who also succumbed to the deadly ax.  DuckThatQuacks descended, moments later, upon the Chronicler Takua, who, since his initial injury in these riots some weeks ago, had laid injured and unconscious in a stockpile.  Things looked grim for Takua, but it was then that Urist Imiknorris awoke, and with his famous spear "Tuftedfatal, the Roughness of Roaring" laid into DuckthatQuacks, soon chasing him through the hallways, soaked in blood.  DuckThatQuacks fled down the stairs, into the bowels of the earth, only to come screaming out again the instant Urist gave up pursuit.  The axe made quick work, and the heroic speardwarf fell.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Eleven dwarfs lay dead already, and the madness had not yet run its course.  Meanwhile, a new forgotten beast made its presence known deep below... but I think even it feared to come above.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I have heard in hushed whispers this ongoing madness was somehow caused by the Demon Queen Led... but I know not how.  Could it be that the rebellion continues in this place, her agents lurking among the brave dwarfs of Failcannon?  Or is something more sinister, more... occult at play...  This all took place before my arrival, so I have little to go on... and it seems there is no one here I dare trust.

I must learn the truth of it, and soon, or we may all be doomed.

---------------

Holy hell, it is madness in here.  I apologize for the long-winded reporting, but it all seemed a little too significant to skim over.  I can't even figure out who is killing who or why, or who is on what side.  I'd look for which dwarves are guards and which are criminals, but they are ALL criminals, and they are ALL military!  I've never seen a tantrum spiral quite like this before - I've lost over a quarter of the already meager population and its only been about two months -- and I haven't even had migrants yet to dorf myself!

Quite seriously, if this keeps getting worse and it looks like I'm not going to be able to keep the fort alive, I'd rather pass it on to someone who might stand a snowball's chance of saving it rather than have it self-destruct pathetically in my incompetent hands

Hope you've enjoyed the update! :>
« Last Edit: August 05, 2011, 01:07:30 am by CatalystParadox »
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My proud turn in Failcannon | Uzolnom - "Oiledgod"

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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1456 on: August 05, 2011, 12:24:14 am »

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS GLORIOUS.

Can you post the still-alive dwarves, and what crimes they're accused of?
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CatalystParadox

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1457 on: August 05, 2011, 12:56:51 am »

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS GLORIOUS.

Can you post the still-alive dwarves, and what crimes they're accused of?

Gladly!

Karakzon - Militia Captain.  No charges.
That Aussie Dwarf - Aspiring Noble.  No charges.
Grov - Alchemist.  No charges.
The True Mekboy - Engraver.  Accused of Disorderly Conduct (against Scaraban), and Violation of a Production Order (against Mosus Zulbanoggez, whoever that is).
Lord Slowpoke - Magnificent Bastard.  No charges.
Dariush III - Awesome Soldier.  Accused of Violation of a Production Order (against Dariush, ironically)
Mipe - Dancing Dagger.  No charges.
Elderont - Brewer.  Accused of Disorderly Conduct (2 counts, against DorvenEngineering and TerrisH)
Kaamanen - Combat Surgeon.  Accused of Building Destruction and Disorderly Conduct (against DorvenEngineering).
Nightmarebros - Animal Caretaker.  No charges.
arcangelsd - Farmer.  No charges.
Gilgameshclone - Dwarven Child.  No charges.
Seraphin - Homicidal Poker.  Accused of Building Destruction.
Uristein - !!Scientist!!.  Accused of Building Destruction.
Xenos - Farmer.  No charges.
DorvenEngineering - Miner.  Accused of Building Destruction (2 counts).
lupusater - Metalsmith.  Accused of Building Destruction, Disorderly Conduct (against Nightmarebros), and Violation of Production Order (against Andreus XI).
Ledi V - Militia Captain.  No charges.
Flagrarus - Metalsmith.  Accused of Building Destruction.
Aik - Captain of the Guard.  Accused of Disorderly Conduct (against Urist Imiknorris).
Takua - The Chronicler.  Accused of Building Destruction.
Tupu - Champion.  No charges.
Greader - Stoneworker.  Accused of Building Destruction (2 counts).
Megaman3321 - PAINBRINGER.  No charges.
Glacial - Apprentice Mage.  Accused of Building Destruction and Disorderly Conduct (against The True Mekboy).
Mormota - Militia Captain.  No charges.
Sprout - Surgeon.  Accused of Vandalism, and Disorderly Conduct (2 counts, both against Ahrimahn).
DuckThatQuacks - Axedwarf (newly discovered talent).  Accused of fucking murdering half my dwarves, bastard.  Also Disorderly Conduct (2 counts, against Xellas and arcangelsd).

There are also about 4x that many more names on the Justice screen who are accused of crimes but also dead. 

I really wish I could simply declare a blanket pardon, then martial law to be enforced by Tupu and Aik.  Alas, it seems those two are more interested in sleeping through the whole thing, and the rest will carry their vicious blood feuds to the bitter end.  Seth... you said something about a prison being constructed?  I can find no sign of it.

Maybe that's what all the building destruction is about....
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My proud turn in Failcannon | Uzolnom - "Oiledgod"

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I opened up the Unread Replies page and saw that you were the last poster. I got scared. Something about you posting scares me, ever since Failcannon.

CatalystParadox

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1458 on: August 05, 2011, 01:18:31 am »

Oh sweet Armok.  I've found the reason.  This is bad.

Some of our Dwarves have renounced their membership in The Sword of Boots, and declared themselves enemies.  So far I've found this to be true of Andreus (before he died) Greader, Takua, and DuckThatQuacks.

What we're seeing is an honest-to-Urist schism in the civilization. A war of secession.  On the plus side, it looks like its nearly been put down.

On the minus side I also just noticed Aik is off to pull a lever.  I'll figure out what chaos is going to come of that, next time!
« Last Edit: August 05, 2011, 11:21:04 am by CatalystParadox »
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My proud turn in Failcannon | Uzolnom - "Oiledgod"

Quote from: Mego
I opened up the Unread Replies page and saw that you were the last poster. I got scared. Something about you posting scares me, ever since Failcannon.

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1459 on: August 05, 2011, 01:32:32 am »

Quote
The fight soon spilled to involve an Alchemist named Grov trading shots with Andreus as well, as That Aussie Dwarf slunk off somewhere after suffering one ineffectual potshot.

That Aussie Dwarf - Aspiring Noble.  No charges.

Heheheh. My dwarf may be back on his feet, but he's evidently not stupid.  I think my dwarf might even be living up to his new title and scheming for control.   He's avoided all the major riots, helped kill the latest Andreu (kinda) and he's heavily armed.   Anyone want to question his inevitable nobility and authority?

Karakzon

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1460 on: August 05, 2011, 03:04:12 am »

bahaha. wish i had a turn, but i doubt itll make it up to turn 34.

Whos most likely to go on a rampage next i wonder? and can you somehow segregate the rouge dwarves from the normal ones?
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rridgway

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1461 on: August 05, 2011, 03:18:21 am »

I don't suppose you have any unnamed dwarves in the fortress? If so, I'd like to reiterate my dorfing request.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2011, 03:20:34 am by rridgway »
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Sinpwn

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1462 on: August 05, 2011, 03:18:52 am »

I am only slightly disappointed that my dwarf didn't get in on the action. I wonder how he got injured in the first place.

Add me to the turn list please, chances are my computer can handle the save.
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arcangelsd

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1463 on: August 05, 2011, 05:19:06 am »

Didn't SethCreyd say something about a standing military order to kill anoteher dwarf?
That may have started the spiral...

YAY I'M A LANDMARK
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Savolainen5

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1464 on: August 05, 2011, 05:48:39 am »

Oh sweet Armok.  I've found the reason.  This is bad.

Some of our Dwarves have renounced their membership in The Sword of Boots, and declared themselves enemies.  So far I've found this to be true of Andreus (before he died) Greader, Takua, and DuckThatQuacks.

What we're seeing is an honest-to-Urist schism in the civilization. A war of succession.  On the plus side, it looks like its nearly been put down

By Armok, how the hell is that even possible?
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1465 on: August 05, 2011, 05:52:51 am »

Oh sweet Armok.  I've found the reason.  This is bad.

Some of our Dwarves have renounced their membership in The Sword of Boots, and declared themselves enemies.  So far I've found this to be true of Andreus (before he died) Greader, Takua, and DuckThatQuacks.

What we're seeing is an honest-to-Urist schism in the civilization. A war of succession.  On the plus side, it looks like its nearly been put down

By Armok, how the hell is that even possible?

Have you forgotten just what fortress you're in?

Savolainen5

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1466 on: August 05, 2011, 06:17:54 am »

Pyramid

Quote

Have you forgotten just what fortress you're in?

Pyramid Quote.

No, though I wish I had.  I mean, game mechanics-wise.
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A small creature sometimes found on paper.  It is small.  Its eyes are black. It is adored by children for its cuteness.
(On a picture of cavies):
We see a family of small land rodents.
Dwarfs see masterpiece roasts.

Strategia

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1467 on: August 05, 2011, 08:39:40 am »

Personal journal of Strategia Staffdanced, Cheesemaker and Marksdwarf-under-Duress


Entry 2 - Not an Armok-damned clue when
No cheese! Not a single chunk! The insolence! Does that worthless administrator know nothing about me and my cheeses? I used to be vital for Graspedseduce's survival! All of my famous cave lichen brie was sealed away in a secure underground vault, as last-ditch emergency food stocks! My singular batch of elven gorgonzola (made with real distilled elf extract!) was given to the goblins as a peace offering! (Though I never got the specifics - the siegedwarfs manning those particular catapults were never allowed within the walls of the city again. Must've been sent as ambassadors or something.) Armokdammit, it's even a part of who, of what, we are: A short, sturdy creature fond of drink, cheese and industry!


This cannot stand. This is no civilisation. A fortress without cheese is a fortress of barbarians - and no self-respecting dwarf must be forced to live among barbarians. I must correct this. I will correct this. And since I am apparently not allowed to make cheese, by the order of the barbarian-in-chief, I must proceed to put Failcannon's dwarfs out of their misery! For civilisation! For Failcannon! For CHEESE!


P.S. I looked up "ecdysiast" in the dwarftionary. No longer that impressed with Great-Great-Grandma Urist.


(The rest of the journal is covered in blood and the occasional bit of organ meat - which would've made a fine veteran's emmentaler, had anyone bothered to notice)






[OOC] - Thus ends the brief, but eventful life of Strategia Staffdanced, Cheesemaker and Marksdwarf-under-Duress. I hope she comes back as a ghost, to haunt the halls of Failcannon until someone carves her a memorial slab with an image of cheese on it, menacing with spikes of cheese. Whether or not that happens, I'd like to be redorfed, as an immigrant cheesemaker, preferably of high skill if possible. Gender and other miscellaneae matter not.

CatalystParadox

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1468 on: August 05, 2011, 10:17:04 am »

AussieGuy - You're not wrong.  I've been watching him closely, and he's been REMARKABLE so far at eluding psycho-dwarfs that seem to be coming right for him.  Next I know he'll be pulling random levers and mandating adamantine cockrings.  Truly living the life.

Sinpwn - Look at it this way, you've joined a proud tradition of unexplained random deaths!

arcangelsd - You were a landmark.  After the first month someone, unbelievably, apparently found the time to carry you to a bed.  Actually, at the moment of last saving the rebels were encroaching on the overcrowded hospital, and the captain of the guard was far away ready to pull a random lever.  What BASTARD left this place with standing orders to pull levers and slaughter dwarves before leaving?! :-D

rridgway, Strategia, others - I would love to dorf you all, but I haven't even got any unnamed dorfs for MYSELF yet.  We better get some immigrants this year or my entire 'journal' isn't going to make any bloody sense.

Karakzon - I think I have identified the factions at this point... Measures will be taken.  I have a !!plan!!.

Savolainen5 - I am not sure how it's possible.  I hadn't realized dwarves could become "former members" of your civilization, and enemies of it.  The weirdest thing is, they're still MY DWARVES (I can give them labor assignments, and even military orders, just like anyone else, it seems.  I am not yet sure if they will listen, though).  It seems, theoretically, the enemies of The Sword of Boots could kill off the rest and go on living as a band of renegades.  I find it best not to question what the game is capable of.

Probably another update late-late tonight.  First I need to make a small pilgrimage.  Dwarf Fortress is part of a new exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art, (you know, that OTHER place with circles and triangles all over the walls!) something about the interaction of humans and objects *shrug*.  Naturally, I need to go see it.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2011, 10:44:55 am by CatalystParadox »
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My proud turn in Failcannon | Uzolnom - "Oiledgod"

Quote from: Mego
I opened up the Unread Replies page and saw that you were the last poster. I got scared. Something about you posting scares me, ever since Failcannon.

ThatAussieGuy

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Re: FailCannon: Super Happy Fun Beach (Succession: Battlefailed II)
« Reply #1469 on: August 05, 2011, 11:16:51 am »

A small book lies on the floor, no name on the cover save and author refers to himself in the third person, obscuring his identity from anyone who may find it.  Mainly the authorities

- Entry 1 -

If I am to sieze this fortress for my own, it will take careful manipulation of the locals, steering them towards the grand prize - the fortress and it's rumored adamantine wealth.  With this, i can send these armored fools to willingly take over the world "in the name of mighty Failcannon". Fools.

- Entry 2 -

Phase one was a success - the others believe me crippled and have laid me up in the hospital with my crossbow close at hand (the locals believe me to be a poor shot.  A matter i'll have to correct if they manage to get in here during the "heated discussions" that are probably about to occur) and a dwarf waiting on me hand-and-foot.  With any luck, the careful lies i spread amongst the locals should make them all rather distrustful of each other...

- Entry 3 -

Outside these walls echo the screams of the dying and bloodthirsty.  I may have taken it too far when i spread glue on the handle of Aik's sword right before he had to go deal with the uprising i've instigated, but it's too late now to resolve that situation. 

- Entry 4 -

Armok save me.  I was caught out of bed, on my way back from warning the dwarven diplomat of SethCreyd's treachery.  Fortunately, the idiots believed me to be simply healed and put me back to work making mechanisms.

- Entry 5 -

Andreus XII found this journal.  I'll have to be more careful at hiding it from now on.  Thankfully, he was branded as a traitor and shot (Pretty easy to pull off these days, especially if you point and yell at someone loud enough for Aik to hear.  Must remember to stay in his good books when i sieze power).  By myself and a few others.  Most satisfying to get my hands dirty for once, i must admit.  As a precaution, i've erased my name from these entries and replacing them with the simple moniker of "That Aussie Dwarf".


edit - Just an fyi; i dont want a turn, i just fully expect my guy to end up Mayor and become the "dwarf behind the player" as it were.

edit 2 - Ye gods, i just loaded the save to look at That Aussie Dwarf for fun.  Catalyst, take a look at my dwarf and tell me his personality doesn't suggest "diabolical machiavelian schemer" or "evil puppetmaster".
 

« Last Edit: August 05, 2011, 11:43:39 am by ThatAussieGuy »
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