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[Jreengus]

Haha brilliant, I could hear the dramatic music in my head as I read 2

[McDoomhammer]

Boski, I think I actually like yours the best, lack of OH GOD and all  

I'd suggest mocing the word "mist", though, against that dark background some people might miss the punchline.

[Armok]

These are briliant!

[Tahin]

Ooh, I want to see #4, now! These are awesome.

[mechsword]

this great i was thinking of doing the same thing before but im too lazy to get past the first 2 scenes. thx for this bit of humor enjoyed it make mroe if ya can

[evktalo]

Nice work! You hilight the oddities of a dwarven community quite well.

Pacing and rhythm is very important. IMHO #2 works best in that regard. #3 is kind of weird with the last four panels. It could afford to be weirder! The three last panels would work best without words. That would give it Perry Bible Fellowship -style eeriness. "OH GOD" is definitely not a punchline so you could get rid of it completely. The pictures are enough. The fifth panel is quite weak in my opinion. Dwarves magically know when their friend dies (right?), so you could just show their stunned faces and proceed with tantruming.

Well, that's some criticism but #3 is the best one in my opinion. I like how Dan
is so well liked that his loss brings the place down.

I enjoyed these and this criticism is meant to only benefit your work. I hope it is useful in improving it!

--Eino

[Red Jackard]

quote:Originally posted by evktalo:
<STRONG>The three last panels would work best without words. That would give it Perry Bible Fellowship -style eeriness. "OH GOD" is definitely not a punchline so you could get rid of it completely. The pictures are enough.</STRONG>

Say, you're right. Good catch.

[dreiche2]

quote:Originally posted by evktalo:
<STRONG>"OH GOD" is definitely not a punchline so you could get rid of it completely. </STRONG>

+

quote:Originally posted by axus:
<STRONG>I like how it always ends with Oh God</STRONG>

=>

quote:Originally posted by Skyrage:
<STRONG>Razz - whatever you do, never EVER listen to what other people want in your comic.</STRONG>

[Red Jackard]

Comedic tastes may vary, but no one is above improvement.

The above post is the worst sort of noise. Trolling someone giving detailed feedback?

[ April 14, 2008: Message edited by: Red Jackard ]

[Crafty Barnardo]

#2 is excellent. 'FPS: 2' was a nice touch.

[dreiche2]

quote:
<STRONG>
People arguing about what better humour is and then insulting people who simply disagree with their opinion as trolls and zealots
</STRONG>

=>

 

quote:Originally posted by Skyrage:
<STRONG>Razz - whatever you do, never EVER listen to what other people want in your comic.</STRONG>

EDIT: Oh, and OT, I like the comics, thank you.

[ April 14, 2008: Message edited by: dreiche2 ]

[Cthulhu]

These are epic, the only better DF comic I've seen is the one in the art contest section with the hippie-esque elf and the dwarf whose facial expression never changed.

I agree with evktalo though, the third one doesn't need speech at the end to be funny.  I also think it could afford to be a bit clearer, it took me a bit to realize what was going on, at first I thought the guy was eating the head, and his clothing had changed color.  This evoked a stronger response than when I realized he was throwing it.  The "This was the last time Dan was seen alive" panel puts this image in my head, from something like Unsolved Mysteries, where the music spikes, and the color fades out as it zooms in.  It's very funny.

I can't wait for the third one.

[Gaulgath]

Also, I think it would work better with Dwarfy names. "Tom" and "Dan" works with characters in a more modern setting, but not that well in a medieval-fantasy one, even if it being comedic.

[dreiche2]

ps: I didn't even want to pick a fight (nor do I see where I was trolling "anyone"), all I tried to say is that if people disagree about a point being funny or not, then Razz might as well just go along and do things the way he wants.

And personally, I simple disagree with some of the advice given, and you will hardly "prove" to me what I'm supposed to find funny or not by linking to wikipedia...

I also strongly disbelieve that you can be funny when you think too much in terms of rules.

The "oh my god" thing is a good example. It might not be a proper punchline, but it gives the comic their own character, and it might well become their signature humour - and a very fitting one to Dwarf Fortress, as others observed already.

I mean, many of the ingenious comics around are special because they defy conventions (or common sense?). If you'd apply general "rules" to them, they probably wouldn't even exist. Take xkcd, for example. It's stick figures, after all! Imagine the critique this guy would have received after posting his first comics ("learn to draw properly", etc). Or, hell, dinosaur comics!

Or the "rule of tree": Again, I went to xkcd and had to click 11 strips back till I found one of length 3 (and many were pretty long). Not exactly a scientific analysis, but still...

And if you really want to get theoretical, there are probably good "reasons" why to make a strip long. Take this one: http://xkcd.com/409/
Even if you count only the lower four panels, it's still long because of the long text, but I guess this helps with the surprise effect in the end - Similarly to what happens in the first comic here (as others pointed out).

Well, in the end I think if some people find an aspect of the comic funny and some not, then it's really a matter of "comedic taste", and there is nothing to argue about. And this applies to both the first comic being too long (is it to long? Is it just right? Does the length help the punchline? - people disagree), and the "oh my god".

No reason to get upset about anything. Also, xkcd is funny  

Edit: Oh, and useful critique is for example that in the comic above by Boksi the text is hard to read - not really an issue of being funny or not, I guess. Same with the professions of the dwarves having the wrong colours  

[ April 14, 2008: Message edited by: dreiche2 ]

[Stij]

I agreed...

 

quote:Originally posted by dreiche2:
<STRONG>Well, in the end I think if some people find an aspect of the comic funny and some not, then it's really a matter of "comedic taste", and there is nothing to argue about. And this applies to both the first comic being too long (is it to long? Is it just right? Does the length help the punchline? - people disagree), and the "oh my god".
</STRONG>

...until this.

Just because it's a matter of opinion doesn't mean people can't say it. You'll never improve if you write for yourself and only yourself. It's one thing if they were saying "lolol you should use this joke just because i requested it", but people like Red Jackard were suggesting legimate improvements, and you were pretty much shooting them down.

You're right - there are no rules for funny. But that doesn't mean you can stick your metaphorical fingers in your ears and scream "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU" to the critics.

(for the record, I thought the comic was pretty funny, especially #3)

[ April 14, 2008: Message edited by: Stij ]