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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1497244 times)

Horizon9

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #960 on: January 29, 2011, 12:18:57 am »
Quote from: Mantonio on January 28, 2011, 08:24:20 pm
Quote from: Girlinhat on January 28, 2011, 08:23:04 pm
Don't you want to have... Fun?

Oh gee-whiz mister, I don't know! I heard that Fun can be bad for you!
Oh disregard the riff-raff people say these days.
See that completely innocuous lever over there? Go pull it.
It's what all the cool dwarves are doing these days
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Quote from: jaxy15 on June 03, 2011, 05:26:43 am
What a tiny roc. I guess I could call it a pebbl.

KillerClowns

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #961 on: January 30, 2011, 09:05:20 pm »
Dear Baroness Dobók Rúbalstukos:

I never thought I'd be saying this to a noble, but thank you.  No, sincerely.  Your rare requests for gloves (which we are producing in massive quantities anyways), doors (likewise) and trifle pewter items (odd but easily dealt with) have ensured you a long, healthy existence in this fortress.  For your willingness to stay out of my way, I have seen fit to give you excellent quarters. 

So why are you so damn unhappy?  Your dog got killed by a goblin thief, you say?  We've got enough of the mangy blighters running around and set to "available."  So just get a new one and stop bugging me.

Dear dwarves of Wanedarch:

Put.  On.  Some.  Clothes.  At the very least, stick some shoes on before you go wading in the piles of Forgotten Beast Extract and waste our doctors' time whining about bruised feet.  Which reminds me:

Dear janitors of Wanedarch:

OK, you lousy peasants.  I exempted you from hauling duty.  You have one job, and one job only: keep this place at least modestly clean.  And yet, you cannot succeed at that simple, pitiful task.  There's a lot of fortresses that would have crushed you under a bridge... don't make me regret sparing your miserable lives.
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"A rational enemy is better than a foolish friend." -Arab proverb

Sutremaine

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #962 on: January 30, 2011, 09:34:10 pm »
Quote from: KillerClowns on January 30, 2011, 09:05:20 pm
You have one job, and one job only: keep this place at least modestly clean.
I suspect that dwarves need to be close to cleaning jobs in the same way that corpses need to be close to a butchery. Unfortunately, the only way I can think of of getting idle dwarves into an area is to use meeting areas, and that'll just attract every animal and idle dwarf in the fortress.
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Quote from: fivex on March 07, 2011, 02:37:19 am
I am trying to make chickens lay bees as eggs. So far it only produces a single "Tame Small Creature" when a hen lays bees.
Quote from: Loud Whispers on July 22, 2012, 03:32:08 pm
Honestly at the time, I didn't see what could go wrong with crowding 80 military Dwarves into a small room with a necromancer for the purpose of making bacon.

Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #963 on: January 30, 2011, 09:58:22 pm »
Quote from: strongrudder on January 28, 2011, 12:20:31 pm
Quote from: brucemo on January 28, 2011, 12:48:25 am
Dear Urist McPetCat

Please get out of the trash incinerator.  There are better places to sit than on that Goblin's arm.  You are very lucky I spotted you and cancelled the "Pull the Lever" order, seeing as you are gray and so are the fifty or so wads of horse and cow hair that you are sharing the incinerator with.  You are even luckier that I'm probably the only person in the entire forum who'd fail to jump at the chance to kill a DF cat, pet or not.

I'll come to my senses eventually.  Better move now.

I actually go out of my way to avoid killing cats in DF, because I like them. My intent is to sustain my dwarves on cattle eventually, but for now the exploding dog population will have to do. All my free-roaming cats, meanwhile, are male (We'll deal with migrant pets when they become an issue).

I modded out cats. That's right - I completely retracted them from reality.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

abadidea

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #964 on: January 30, 2011, 10:13:30 pm »
*lip quiver*

I wouldn't want to live in a world without cats!  :'(
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ABadIdea likes bandfire opal, black opal, claro opal, crystal opal, fire opal, harlequin opal, jelly opal, levin opal, pinfire opal, precious fire opal, red flash opal, white opal, and microcline for its vibrant hue.

glory in the thunder, resplendent in the sky <-- I wrote a whole novel. There will be more.

noob

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #965 on: January 30, 2011, 10:54:26 pm »
Quote from: Urist Imiknorris on January 30, 2011, 09:58:22 pm
Quote from: strongrudder on January 28, 2011, 12:20:31 pm
Quote from: brucemo on January 28, 2011, 12:48:25 am
Dear Urist McPetCat

Please get out of the trash incinerator.  There are better places to sit than on that Goblin's arm.  You are very lucky I spotted you and cancelled the "Pull the Lever" order, seeing as you are gray and so are the fifty or so wads of horse and cow hair that you are sharing the incinerator with.  You are even luckier that I'm probably the only person in the entire forum who'd fail to jump at the chance to kill a DF cat, pet or not.

I'll come to my senses eventually.  Better move now.

I actually go out of my way to avoid killing cats in DF, because I like them. My intent is to sustain my dwarves on cattle eventually, but for now the exploding dog population will have to do. All my free-roaming cats, meanwhile, are male (We'll deal with migrant pets when they become an issue).

I modded out cats. That's right - I completely retracted them from reality.
enjoy the rats and other vermin that eat all your food/booze
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LOSING IS FUN!

Cyroth

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #966 on: January 30, 2011, 11:00:39 pm »
Quote from: noob on January 30, 2011, 10:54:26 pm
Quote from: Urist Imiknorris on January 30, 2011, 09:58:22 pm
Quote from: strongrudder on January 28, 2011, 12:20:31 pm
Quote from: brucemo on January 28, 2011, 12:48:25 am
Dear Urist McPetCat

Please get out of the trash incinerator.  There are better places to sit than on that Goblin's arm.  You are very lucky I spotted you and cancelled the "Pull the Lever" order, seeing as you are gray and so are the fifty or so wads of horse and cow hair that you are sharing the incinerator with.  You are even luckier that I'm probably the only person in the entire forum who'd fail to jump at the chance to kill a DF cat, pet or not.

I'll come to my senses eventually.  Better move now.

I actually go out of my way to avoid killing cats in DF, because I like them. My intent is to sustain my dwarves on cattle eventually, but for now the exploding dog population will have to do. All my free-roaming cats, meanwhile, are male (We'll deal with migrant pets when they become an issue).

I modded out cats. That's right - I completely retracted them from reality.
enjoy the rats and other vermin that eat all your food/booze

Some people use their dwarfs to eat all those annoying vermin.
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Quote from: Loud Whispers on December 24, 2014, 07:25:45 pm
Demons are preferable to ravens.
Quote from: billybobfred on February 04, 2012, 01:22:24 am
A noble just suffered a genuine unfortunate accident.
Has that ever happened before?

KillerClowns

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #967 on: January 30, 2011, 11:38:18 pm »
Dear artifact-sword-stealing raccoon:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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"A rational enemy is better than a foolish friend." -Arab proverb

shadowzfire

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #968 on: January 31, 2011, 06:59:20 am »
Dear Urist,

Stop gnawing on my legendary carpet.
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KillerClowns

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #969 on: January 31, 2011, 04:08:33 pm »
Dear janitors of Wanedarch:

I owe you an apology.  I spotted one of you cleaning off a stairway, and decided to see how long it remained clean.  Within moments it was once again caked in pus, blood, and of course, forgotten beast extract.

The next time, I went frame by frame.  Evidently, a stairway in this fortress cannot go ten frames, ten goddamn frames, before being once more covered in filth.  Clearly you are not to blame -- or at least not entirely to blame -- for the state of this fortress.  Clearly, a massive, grandiose, potentially fortress-killing megaproject involving that underground lake is called for.  Or I could use DFHack.  But I prefer the megaproject.
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"A rational enemy is better than a foolish friend." -Arab proverb

Borogove

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #970 on: January 31, 2011, 06:11:32 pm »
Dear Urist McAxedwarf:

We understand your grief at the recent loss of your pet in a goblin siege, we truly do. However, management would prefer:
  • that you not throw tantrums in public areas of the fortress;
  • that if you must throw a tantrum, you do not destroy buildings in the process;
  • that if you must destroy a building, you choose a workshop rather than the entryway bridge over the magma moat;
  • and, finally, if you must destroy a bridge over magma, while standing on it, you first remove your fortress-issued adamantine armor and steel weapons, and return them to storage.
Your commission in the fortress militia has been retroactively voided, and your next of kin will be indentured to repay the cost of your equipment.

Sincerely,
the management
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MythagoWoods

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #971 on: January 31, 2011, 06:28:40 pm »
Dear Urist McMilkers,

Listen, I know you like to milk.  I mean hey, I like milk.  You like milk.  The cheese makers like milk. Everyone likes milk!  However, you two have bee playing tug of war with that cow for the past season.  Can't one of you get tired or bugger off or something so one of you can milk the cow?  I'm quite certain the cow isn't to pleased with this event either.

Sincerly,
The milk loving overseer
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My cows are war trainable. BEWARE THE BATTLE CATTLE!

billybobfred

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #972 on: January 31, 2011, 07:07:02 pm »
Memo to trees
re: Falling on my miners

FUCK. YOU.

That is all.


Memo to self
re: murdering bastard trees

Get Urist McLumberjack to murder them all ASAP.
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urist mcgeorg, who lives in boatmurdered and makes over 10,000 bad decisions each day,

Horizon9

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #973 on: January 31, 2011, 07:13:46 pm »
Quote from: billybobfred on January 31, 2011, 07:07:02 pm
Memo to trees
re: Falling on my miners

FUCK. YOU.

That is all.


Memo to self
re: murdering bastard trees

Get Urist McLumberjack to murder them all ASAP.
A tree fell on your miner?
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Quote from: jaxy15 on June 03, 2011, 05:26:43 am
What a tiny roc. I guess I could call it a pebbl.

billybobfred

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #974 on: January 31, 2011, 07:20:23 pm »
Yes. Apparently, digging a ramp under a tree results in a tree with no ground beneath it.

If you designated an "outdoor" farm out of ramps... cave-ins
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urist mcgeorg, who lives in boatmurdered and makes over 10,000 bad decisions each day,
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