Post by: King DZA on January 03, 2012, 09:05:29 pm
Spoiler: For those actually interested (click to show/hide)
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Above average.
Location:Base of Operations.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
So here I sit, Omnipotent God-King of Everything, ruler of all things ruleable, currently inhabiting the heavily customized organic structure of a sixteen year old male, in my Base of Operations. Resting upon my Blue Swivel Chair of Supreme Comfort(which I assure you does not live up to its title), I wonder what to do as I await replies to a recently posted forum game of mine...
As this story continues to grow, it has become apparent to me that some form of organization will be needed. So, for those who don't like reading through cancelled suggestions and flavored milk debates, I've gone through the trouble of creating an
Spoiler: Index, for easier thread navigation (click to show/hide)
Post by: Tersr on January 03, 2012, 09:10:32 pm
Post by: Fniff on January 03, 2012, 09:12:09 pm
Post by: Azthor on January 03, 2012, 09:12:58 pm
Post by: Skyrunner on January 03, 2012, 09:19:06 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 03, 2012, 09:51:46 pm
If you're the "Omnipotent God-King of Everything" why are you 16?
"Hmm, If I am truly the "Omnipotent God-King of Everything" why am I only 16?" I ask myself, staring at my reflection in the window. "You're an Omnipotent God-King of Everything, why the hell not?", my reflection responds. Good point, me.
Have sudden rush of how tiny you are in a very very large universe.
I then contemplate just how massive the universe I inhabit is. Shocked about just how little space I take up in it, I feel slightly less badass then a moment ago.
Say Hastur thrice. Do it.
A strange word I've never heard before suddenly pops into my head. I chant it three times, and then briefly wonder why.
This is my house, you ruminate. My big, big, house.
I hear a disembodied voice say. "I disagree, mysterious voice. This is, in fact, my house." I reply.
Well this has been neat, but I should probably start thinking of something else to do now...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Slightly above average.
Location:Base of Operations.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
Post by: Fniff on January 03, 2012, 09:55:07 pm
Post by: Svarte Troner on January 03, 2012, 10:02:57 pm
Right, how much weed do you possess?
Ask yourself this in a stereotypical Irish accent.
Post by: Blade Master Model 42 on January 03, 2012, 10:46:06 pm
Post by: Bdthemag on January 03, 2012, 10:49:42 pm
Right, haow mooch weed do ye possess?
Post by: King DZA on January 03, 2012, 11:11:01 pm
Right, how much weed do you possess?
Ask yourself this in a stereotypical Irish accent.
Right, haow mooch weed do ye possess?
Clearing my voice a little, I put forth the question(to myself)of how much weed is currently in my possession. In a brilliant yet stereotypical Irish accent, of course. "Well, we're certainly going to find out!" I say, rising from my Blue Swivel Chair of Supreme Comfort.
After a swift search of my Base of Operations, I conclude that there is currently no weed within my ownership. I then spent the next few minutes convincing myself that, despite the magnificently executed accent, I am not of Irish descent.
>Find some sort of weapon and pose in the mirror with it to raise your badassery. Then, keep it on hand forever.
yes, badassery levels must be raised! And what better way to do so than an astounding pose with a piece of weaponry? But where to find weaponry...Oh right, maybe on my Amazing Wall of Weaponry. Turning to face the wall, I see I have several choices:
A strong, wooden staff. Roughly 6 ft. in length. A gift from a loved one, obtained from a mysterious merchant.
An Egyptian-styled Dagger.
A Scottish claymore.
A duel blade staff...baton thing (http://budk.com/Swords/Double-Blade-Fantasy-Swords). A present, gifted to me for my sixteenth birthday many a month ago.
My trusty Adventure Stick.
What to pick, what to pick....
Post by: Bdthemag on January 03, 2012, 11:12:53 pm
Post by: Fniff on January 03, 2012, 11:16:11 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 03, 2012, 11:17:43 pm
>Realize that those weapons are all just terribly made toys you bought from a nearby store.This, then reach into the mirror and pull out your real weapon. The Really Cool Sword. Or is it a spear? You can't quite remember which it is.
Post by: King DZA on January 04, 2012, 12:01:24 am
>Realize that those weapons are all just terribly made toys you bought from a nearby store.
I am struck with the thought that my Amazing Wall of Weaponry may simply be filled with playthings, rather than actual weaponry. Somehow purchased by myself without my knowing. Glancing at the scar on my hand I gained as a result of a mishap with one of them, I deduce that, if they are toys, they are incredibly kickass ones.
>Right, get some nasty weed from the cheapest drug dealer you know, then start selling it to young children, round the age of ten. We need money.
I find my lack of weed disturbing. More of the substance must be obtained! I do know drug dealers who may be able to supply me with a rather vile batch of the stuff. Unfortunately, I have no idea where they live, or how much they would charge for their wares(friend-of-a-friend type connections, you see). Looks like my dreams of bestowing it upon the young for cash will have to be put on hold.
>Realize that those weapons are all just terribly made toys you bought from a nearby store.This, then reach into the mirror and pull out your real weapon. The Really Cool Sword. Or is it a spear? You can't quite remember which it is.
I turn back toward my Amazing Wall of Weaponry, "Sorry, friends of blunt and blade. But today, I shall need a weapon of a different sort." I then grab a handheld mirror I had laying around...
"wait...what the hell am I doing?", I ask myself as I prepare to reach into said mirror. "I almost forgot to pull my sleeve up!". After a quick adjustment of clothing, I reach into the depths of the mirror, and grab something pointy. I begin to lift the object out of the mirror, and find that it is in fact a large spearhead! And what's this? It's connected to a spearshaft! What luck!
Ignoring the considerable amount of blood pouring from my hand as a result of gripping the enigmatic spearhead, I begin to pull the rest of the spear from the depths of the mirror. It seems to be made of some type of metal, but unlike any I've encountered before. The shaft is covered in glowing engravings of some language I am unable to decipher, and, tied near the base of the spearhead, are long flowing bands of some unknown cloth, colored red and black.
After pulling several feet of the spear through the mirror, It becomes much harder to progress as I notice I have put a nice hole in the ceiling of my Base of Operations. Setting the mirror on the floor, I am able to pull the rest of the weapon out of it. To my surprise, there is the blade of a sword at its end! This isn't a mystical and mysterious mirror spear at all, it's a mystical and mysterious mirror spearsword! It has to be at least ten feet in length, and it makes a cool 'fwoosh' sound when I move it. Groovy.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: High.
Location:Base of Operations.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Unnamed mystical and mysterious mirror spearsword.
Post by: Blade Master Model 42 on January 04, 2012, 12:15:30 am
Post by: Fniff on January 04, 2012, 12:23:13 am
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 04, 2012, 03:45:26 am
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 04, 2012, 04:07:41 am
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 04, 2012, 04:16:30 am
>Have your omnipotence challenged by the only other omnipotent god-king in existence, the almighty creator of DF.
Or the mass of entities beyond the world you dwell, the residents of the Twelfth Bay.
Perform a stunt, using only your right hand and your head.
Post by: King DZA on January 04, 2012, 05:55:51 am
>Bestow the name 'Flesh Liberator' on your new weapon. Pose dramatically.
"Welcome to your new home realm, mirror-dwelling spearsword! By the power invested in me, I proclaim thee Flesh Liberator!". The sound of thunder can be heard in the distance. I give the spearsword a quick spin, before impaling it into my floor and striking a flawlessly dramatic pose.
I look around and see that my little trick has left some very noticeable slash marks along my walls. But who cares? I feel fucking awesome!
Since we have a bargaining implement... Use it to accost random drug dealers into giving you all their wares and make some money!
I wrap my Scarf of Magnificence comfortably around my neck, put on my hood, And dash outside, into the cold darkness. Slashing my front door in two on the way. "Come, Flesh liberator! Let us begin our quest for fortune!"
I spend the next couple hours traversing back alleys, abandoned buildings, and other generally shady places in search of drug dealers. Most of the ones I encounter are very willing to cooperate with a hooded vigilante wielding a ten foot tall glowing spearsword. Eventually I build up a nice stock of all sorts of goodies taken from the drugmongerers. A considerable amount of weed, of varying quality. Rocks, loaded syringes, and a large variety of pills and tabs. Not to mention a nice roll of money after figuring I might as take that from the dealers as well.
Starting to have trouble storing all of my spoils in my numerous pockets(should have brought a bag, or something), I decide I'll do a couple more drug raids, then call it a night. I come across a dealer who is particularly tall, very muscular as well. He doesn't appear to take me very seriously. He pulls out a shiny looking gun from the back of his pants, and informs me that if I do not distance myself from the immediate vicinity of his face, he will not hesitate to "pop a cap in my ass". Well that's not very nice.
>Have your omnipotence challenged by the only other omnipotent god-king in existence, the almighty creator of DF.
Before I can think of a way to deal with the troublesome dealer, I notice that an incredibly bright light has suddenly begun shining behind me. The dealer looks awe-struck as he gazes at the mysterious light.
Perform a stunt, using only your right hand and your head.
Using my right hand, I slowly remove my hood, then place my hand atop my head. After a moment of focusing, I use my hand to twist my head around until it is facing the opposite direction of the rest of my body. A bit more painful than expected, but I'm still alive. Stunt successful! Good thing my Badassery Level is so high at the moment, otherwise that could have ended horribly. keeping my head in place, I turn the rest of my body to face the mysterious light as well. it shines so brilliantly, I can barely make out it's source.
Wait, is that...A toad?
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Behind a local gas station.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Flesh Liberator, 863$, lots o' drugs.
Post by: Blade Master Model 42 on January 04, 2012, 06:00:42 am
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 04, 2012, 09:12:23 am
Post by: King DZA on January 04, 2012, 07:42:11 pm
Offer 450 dollars to the Toady One. Also, offer him some good quality hash.
I approach the toad man, offering him a nice cut of the profit I've made, and some of the looted hash from my jacket pocket. The likes of which I assure him is some of the finest quality the city can offer.
He takes the money and the hash from my hands, and then continues to stand there, doing nothing.
>Offer your life and alliegance, or he will eliminate you using his mastery of code.
The toad man's stoicism is absolutely inspiring. I simply must pay respect to this amazing being. Genuflecting before him, I begin to speak, "O great toad...person...thing, allow me to offer my life, and undying loyalty, to you and your cause, whatever that may be". He looks down at me, and simply continues on standing silently.
Rising to my feet, I attempt to communicate with him again, "Right. So, anything I can help you with?". He slowly points to Flesh Liberator. "Why yes, it quite a nice weapon, isn't it? You see, I got it by-". He holds his hand outward, as if waiting for me to give him something. "Ooh, you want Flesh Liberator?", The toad man nods slightly.
"Hmm, well I'll have to think about that..."
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Behind a local gas station.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Flesh Liberator, 413$, lots o' drugs.
Post by: Fniff on January 04, 2012, 07:44:21 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 04, 2012, 07:46:17 pm
Run!And while you're doing that fire Flesh Liberator's beam attack at the toad-man.
Use the other guy as a shield.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 04, 2012, 07:46:48 pm
OR
Attempt to kill Toady.
OR
Negotiate.
Post by: Gatleos on January 04, 2012, 08:10:26 pm
Post by: DrVoltron on January 04, 2012, 08:17:38 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 04, 2012, 09:27:44 pm
Run!And while you're doing that fire Flesh Liberator's beam attack at the toad-man.
Use the other guy as a shield.
"Yeah...No. You can't have Flesh Liberator". I then immediately bolt away from the toad man. As I do so, I notice Flesh Liberator's engravings are glowing much brighter than normal, and I feel a strange tingling in my hand. I then preform an awesome action dive, spinning around mid-air to fire off a beam of energy from Flesh Liberator's spear end, hitting the toad man dead-center in the torso! "Holy shit it fires lasers!!"
Scorched and smoking, he fidgets around on the floor for a while, before going completely limp. Figuring he's met his end, I begin to take my leave. When suddenly, I hear an unholy croaking noise coming from from toad man's corpse. He slowly brings himself to his feet, then reaches into his mouth, and pulls out a large hammer of some sort. He strikes the ground with it, creating an impressive crack in the concrete, that travels across the floor and reaches the gas station, splitting it in half! "Oh shit..."
The hammer-wielding, scorched toad man walks toward me slowly. In my slight panic, I notice that I seem to have a faint aura surrounding me. That spearsword beam dive attack was unbelievably awesome. I don't think my Badassery Level has ever been this high before...
I action-roll over to the still dazed drug dealer, and lift him by his shirt. This guy is huge, Even I'm amazed I can lift him with one arm. I bet a guy his size would make for an excellent shield....
Give him the sword. He'll blast your from existence.
ORAttempt to kill Toady.
OR
Negotiate.
Before things get worse, I try to take a more peaceful approach. Weapon down, I walk toward the(probably quite pissed off) toad man, "Listen, it doesn't have to be this way. Together, we could do anything we want. There's no need for us to kill each other. What do you say?". He holds out his hand again, expecting Flesh Liberator to be placed in it. "No means no!", I proclaim. He then swings his hammer, striking the drug dealer/meatshield in the head, which then explodes into a bloody vapor. "Alright, no diplomacy then."
I jump back, lifting my swordspear and headless meatshield and entering a combat stance. "bring it on, toad man."
Start a forum game called "You Are Me".
For some reason, I briefly recall the forum game I made when at my Base of Operations. "I should check up on that when I get home. I bet I've gotten quite a few replies by now", I think to myself. Mental note made!
Fire a massive laser beam from flesh liberator that will be refracted by the suspended air molecules in the clouds, causing smaller lasers to rain down around you leveling approximately a city block.
"Oh crap!", I say to myself, seeing that the toad man is now charging at me, hammer ready to ban me from existence. Feeling the badassery pulsing through my being, I jab Flesh Liberator into the ground. It's engraving glow brighter than ever, and the very fabric of timespace becomes distorted around me. Then, with a blinding flash, a gigantic beam of energy is fired directly upward into the sky. Everything goes silent, both the toad man and myself stare up at the sky, looking for any sign of the massive energy beam. Suddenly, like an assault from the heavens themselves, countless smaller laser beams rain down on the earth, puncturing through everything as if it's not even there.
It's difficult to see what's happening through the timespace distortion, but I see no sign of the toad man. After the laser rain ends, I look around to see a massive crater around me where there was once a good chunk of city. The toad man is nowhere to be seen, All I can find is his strange hammer, lying in the dirt and rubble.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Center of crater.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Flesh Liberator, body shield, 413$, lots o' drugs.
Post by: Powder Miner on January 04, 2012, 09:34:59 pm
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 04, 2012, 09:50:26 pm
Also, loot his hash once the deed is done, assuming it's successful.
Post by: SirAaronIII on January 04, 2012, 09:52:20 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 04, 2012, 09:58:50 pm
Find that Toady One has come back with reinforcements, namely Threetoe, Scamps, and the spirit of Dwarf Fortress.
Toady One: Activate Super-saiyan mode and beat the heck out of DZA.
Instead of Flesh Liberator, put drugs in his hand. Maybe that'll satisfy him.I doubt it will work but This.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 05, 2012, 12:01:28 am
Post by: GlyphGryph on January 05, 2012, 12:17:04 am
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 05, 2012, 12:20:17 am
Post by: Blade Master Model 42 on January 05, 2012, 04:06:37 am
Realize you just wasted half your cash and some weed by handing them over to the Toady One and then obliterating him. Throw down hat in disgust.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 05, 2012, 05:10:56 am
'Forum thread has stopped working.'
And that is why that is impossible. You dont get an artifact hammer to be vengeance, you go get giant bat leather clothes and some trinkets unknown to dwarves.
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 05, 2012, 09:24:01 am
Obliterating the Toady One?
'Forum thread has stopped working.'
And that is why that is impossible. You dont get an artifact hammer to be vengeance, you go get giant bat leather clothes and some trinkets unknown to dwarves.
Actually, it is possible to obliterate him. You just need the right skills and the balls to do it. Lastly, when he "dies", he will come back unscathed, and will proceed to ohko every single opponent in the vicinity.
He has cutscene powers to the max.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 05, 2012, 09:27:36 am
And that is still why he is nigh-invinicble. Only one creature in existence can challenge the Godly Toad and survive unscathed:
Actually scratch that, NO creature can challenge the Godly Toad and survive. Especially those who incite his wrath.
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 05, 2012, 09:34:49 am
Oh, and he can't die, even when killed in many permanent ways.
>Toady One: Activate Super-saiyan mode and dodge DZA's attacks. Then give him either an aggressive, or a pacifistic what for.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 05, 2012, 09:41:33 am
Retconning him out of existence will result in existence deciding that it couldn't live without him, thus retconning him back in and retconning whoever had the wise idea of killing him oiut of existence and preventing the elimination of Toady even happening.
Post by: King DZA on January 05, 2012, 04:58:27 pm
Find that Toady One has come back with reinforcements, namely Threetoe, Scamps, and the spirit of Dwarf Fortress.
As I sit in the center of the crater, thinking about my next course of actions, the bright light appears before me once again. "Goddamn it...", I say with discontent, knowing exactly what this means. The toad man must have escaped right after the laser rain began, and before he had the chance to store his hammer again. But what's this? Through the immense light, I see three other figures I am unfamiliar with.
Along with the toad man, out comes some other anthropomorphic being. Unlike the toad man, this one is covered in hair. What the hell is that, a guinea pig or something? Whatever it is, it doesn't look too friendly. Then, standing closely beside the toad man, I see a...kitten? At least that one isn't in humanoid form. Finally, hovering above them all, I see a large mass of hair that, upon closer observation, I realize is a floating, disembodied beard. No face or anything, just a...beard. Odd...
Toady One: Activate Super-saiyan mode and beat the heck out of DZA.
Also, loot his hash once the deed is done, assuming it's successful.
>Toady One: Activate Super-saiyan mode and dodge DZA's attacks. Then give him either an aggressive, or a pacifistic what for.
The toad man approaches me by himself, while the others stay closely behind. Regaining my focus, I ready Flesh Liberator and my body shield. Once toad man is in range, I thrust Flesh Liberator toward him, aiming for his head. To my unpleasant surprise, the toad man quickly dodges the attack, and then grabs a hold of Flesh Liberator's shaft. Yanking Flesh Liberator toward him(and me along with it), he then swiftly delivers a toad punch straight to my gut. Out of breath, and struggling not to fall over, I look up and see that the toad man has suddenly grown a full head of glowing, spiky blonde hair. "...What the fu-" I say, right before being struck with a perfect roundhouse kick, also delivered by the toad man.
Flying several hundred feet away as a result of said kick, my velocity slows down as I begin to grind into the ground. Saiyan Toady flies to my location in a matter of seconds, lifts me by my throat, and ascends far into the sky, before hurling back toward the center of the crater. I collide with the earth in a large crash. As the dust clears, I find myself laying in a smaller crater, created by my impact. And as I struggle not to choke on my own blood, the aura around me dissipates. Nothing like a good ass kicking to knock some of the badassery out of you.
I see Saiyan Toady standing before me, Flesh Liberator in hand. Shit, I must have let it go during the beat down. He approaches me, kneels down, and begins to search my pockets for anymore hash I might have on me.
Instead of Flesh Liberator, put drugs in his hand. Maybe that'll satisfy him.
Angered by his disrespectful intrusion of my pocket space, I carefully reach into one he has yet to search, grabbing hold of one of the few syringes that haven't broken. "You want my drugs?" I say, breathing heavily. "allow me to HELP!!", I shout, swiftly pulling out the syringe and jamming it into the hand Flesh Liberator is held in. Taken by surprise Saiyan Toady stumbles back, letting go of Flesh Liberator.
"Haha, Victory!", I think to myself. Saiyan Toady then quickly picks up Flesh Liberator with his other hand, lifts it above his head, and prepares to impale me with it. "Well, fuck.", I think, disappointed. He brings the spearsword down with incredible force, while I close my eyes and try not to think about how much this is going to suck...
Hm, actually, that wasn't that bad. I didn't really feel anything at all. I open my eyes and see Saiyan Toady standing there like a statue, holding Flesh Liberator just a couple inches above my heart. While I slide out from under the spearsword, his companions rush over, trying to get his attention. It's no use, though. He seems completely zoned out.
Grab the Ban-Hammer and prepare for battle.
Acquire artifact hammer. Become either vengeance, or the night.
Realize you just wasted half your cash and some weed by handing them over to the Toady One and then obliterating him. Throw down hat in disgust.
As I bring myself to my feet, I see Saiyan Toady's comrades turn toward me, they don't seem too happy with me. They begin to charge at me, but I quickly grab the nearby hammer and swing it around in their general direction, forcing them to keep their distance. Fuck, this thing is heavy. Fortunately, it seems I'm still just badass enough to wield it. I take a moment to compose myself, and then speak to the trio:
"During the last few hours, I've gained a powerful new weapon, ambushed many a drug dealer, reached levels of badassery I never dreamed possible, and obliterated a good portion of my own city. Flesh Liberator is mine, and as long as I still draw breath, I'll be damned if I let a giant, anthropomorphic, glowy haired toad, or anyone else for that matter, take it from me. Now, we can either do this the easy way, and I can pry that swordspear from your friend's hands, and be on my way. Or, we could do this the hard way, and I can strike you all down with your own weapon. Because, I'm more than just D.Z.A. I. AM. VENGEANCE!!"
My aura returns, glowing even brighter with anger once I realize the drugs and money I originally offered were probably destroyed in the laser rain as well. Disgusted, I attempt to throw down my hat. Realizing my hat is in fact a hood, I throw off my jacket in highly dramatic fashion instead. "Now then, let's ro-"
HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHERE DID ALL THE SOLDIERS COME FROM??
Suddenly, something catches my eye. I begin to look around the crater, and notice that it is entirely surrounded by armed soldiers. Thousands of them. Clad in jet black armor, and accompanied by many futuristic looking war machines. Tanks, turrets, jets, and helicopters clearly not of this age.
While most of the aircraft circle around the crater, one of the helicopters comes much closer, and lower to the ground.
Appease the almighty creator by quickly sacrificing some elves. Oh, and throw some buckets of blood in.
A loud voice emanates from the helicopter, informing us that is we do not drop our weapons and get down on the floor immediately, we will be met with force. I turn to Saiyan Toady, It appears he is sitting down, using Flesh Liberator as a giant drawing utensil to etch doodles in the dirt, completely oblivious to everything else going on. With his comrades still determined to tear me apart, there's no way I'm dropping this hammer.
After observing the apparent refusal to cooperate, a rope is let down from the copter, a soldier slides down, ready to fire. He walks a little closer, and tells us that this is our last warning. The kitten turns its attention away from me, and hisses at the soldier, before dashing toward him with incomprehensible speed. The soldier only manages to fire off a couple small laser beams before the kitten jumps at him, clawing his throat clean open with a single swipe. As the soldier's body hits the floor, his face-concealing helmet is knocked off. Hm, those are some pointy ears he's got the- wait, what the hell?!
As a loud siren in the helicopter goes off, I go to inspect the soldier's corpse, without letting my guard down. This is definitely an elf. but why would elves have such advanced technology, unless...they're future elves!
Man, once a way was invented to work with metal without using trees for fuel, they must have gone all out. I dip my fingers in the blood still pouring from the elf's neck, and walk over to flick it at Saiyan Toady. However, it has no effect. "maybe if I had buckets worth of the stuff...".
I raise my voice, asking if anyone in the helicopter has a few buckets worth of blood. Sadly, no one responds. Damn.
Stop being you, and start being ToadyOne instead.
Trying to kill him hasn't worked too well so far...Maybe, I should try to be him!
I then start imitating everything the drugged-up Saiyan Toady does. Unfortunately, his comrades are not amused, and assume I am trying to mock them. They now look even more pissed of then before(well, as pissed of as a guinea pig man, a kitten, and a disembodied beard can look, anyway).
>Call in the most epic heros of DF in an futile attempt to stop Toady.
says a random thought in my head. That's a good idea. But how would I go about doing that....
On a side note, it seems the sun has begun to rise. That mean's I've been out all night. Shit, and I still need to check up on my forum suggestion game...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Center of crater.
Inventory: Pocket lint, BanHammer, 413$, some drugs.
Post by: DrVoltron on January 05, 2012, 05:45:37 pm
Also, you'll have a badass beard.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 05, 2012, 06:16:48 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 06, 2012, 03:48:28 pm
Become older and wiser. Surely the way shall become evident.
Also, you'll have a badass beard.
Seeing that I now not only have Saiyan Toady and his posse to worry about, but also an army of elven future soldiers, it's quite obvious that this fight has quickly gone from bad to bullshit.
In order to discover a way to summon the most epic heroes Dwarf Fortress and(hopefully)turn the tables of the battle, I conclude that I shall need more wisdom than my current age can supply me with.
I then spend the next few moments staring intently at Toady&friends until I feel I have aged a sufficient amount. Being technically older and presumably wiser than I was before, I attempt to think up a good hero summoning technique, yet come up with nothing.
This requires slightly more drastic measures. Everyone seems well done with waiting around, and while I enter lotus position to meditate on my current conundrum, soldiers charge into the crater firing waves of lasers, while the others ready themselves for what will surely be a grand battle.
The last thing I remember seeing before closing my eyes is the kitten taking down a fighter jet, while the beard strangled several soldiers with its tendrils of hair, and the guinea pig man snatching the hammer and swinging it down in an attack that was likely directed at me. Saiyan Toady was spinning circles with his arms out while floating in mid-air. Hard to tell, but it would seem he was pretending to be a helicopter.
Eyes closed, and falling into a deep and sudden meditation, I watch everything that has happened thus far flash before me, all the alternate ways things could have happened, and everything that has yet to happen. I become one with everything, even the flow of time itself. Then, in a sudden epiphany, it is clear what must be done to summon the heroes of Dwarf Fortress.
After what feels like a good ten minutes of meditating, I open my eyes to find myself in a massive circular temple of some sort. Towering pillars encircle it, along with large hanging banners, colored red and black. In the center of this temple, sits Flesh Liberator. How on earth did it get here? And why does my skin seem more wrinkled than before? And why do I have such a long(and incredibly badass)beard all of a sudden??
Admit you were outmatched and hope he spares your life.
As I get up to stretch, I take a moment to think about just how much of a threat the toad man was. If it weren't for my unbelievable strength and cunning(and hyper-powered spearsword), he and his comrades no doubt could have ended my life. If he were here right now, I would have no choice but to tell him that he has certainly been a more than worthy opponent. But he isn't, so I won't.
Now then, what the hell am I supposed to do now?
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: ??
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Massive mysterious temple.
Inventory: Pocket lint, 413$, some(very)old drugs.
Post by: joemoben on January 11, 2012, 10:46:48 am
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 11, 2012, 10:58:28 am
Post by: Powder Miner on January 11, 2012, 07:16:06 pm
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 11, 2012, 09:02:55 pm
then see various statues with engravings.
including a dwarf-looking elf (cacame) an elder-looking female dwarf (tholtig cryptbrain) a dwarf with a cyan collored sword (aban diamondtowns) a rabbit looking creature made out of fluff, and another dwarf (sodel udir).
with engravings of their names, and what you have to say (including dramatic, yet awkward poses)
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 12, 2012, 11:54:56 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 12, 2012, 12:13:38 pm
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 12, 2012, 12:15:22 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 12, 2012, 12:45:10 pm
I don't know the story name about Morul.Nist Akath.
By Captain Mayday.
Read it.
Bask in Epicness.
Post by: King DZA on January 12, 2012, 05:46:56 pm
Explore Ye'Olde mysterious temple.
analize your surroundings,
then see various statues with engravings.
including a dwarf-looking elf (cacame) an elder-looking female dwarf (tholtig cryptbrain) a dwarf with a cyan collored sword (aban diamondtowns) a rabbit looking creature made out of fluff, and another dwarf (sodel udir).
with engravings of their names, and what you have to say (including dramatic, yet awkward poses)
Taking a small walk around the temple, it is clear that this place is ancient. If it wasn't for the masterful architecture, I wouldn't be surprised if it had crumbled into ruin long ago. It is also rather dark, with the only sources of illumination being the glow of Flesh Liberator's engravings, and my own aura.
Along with Flesh Liberator, the long, faded red and black banners, and the massive fucking pillars, the only other things of interest seem to be the many large statues in between said pillars. The craftsmanship is amazing. Lifelike detail, and made from some kind of smooth rock. There appears to be instructions for some sort of summoning ritual engraved onto the base of each one.
Each set of instructions seems to be a little different. But all of them end with something about the opening of a gateway using "The Key", shown as a little engraving of Flesh Liberator.
Look around for the Toad, and hope he isn't there.After spending a considerable amount of time walking around the temple, and memorizing each ritual, I feel that I am finally capable of summoning the heroes of Dwarf Fortress. I take a moment to look around the temple for the toad man, ensuring that I will not be interrupted by him yet again.
Look though I might, I am unable to find any trace of the toad man, or his companions. After letting out a sigh of relief, I wonder whether I should be happy that he isn't here, or worried that I don't know where he could be.
>SUDDENLY, MAGMA! (Namely, Toady's last reinforcement, who happens to have arrived a bit late)
All of a sudden, I begin to hear the distant sound of something sizzling and bubbling. Only after looking upward and seeing a faint reddish glow through the darkness above do I realize what is going on. Shortly after, liquid hot magma begins to pour through special chambers in the ceiling. Though slow moving, it seems to pour down without end and begins to cover the temple's ancient stone floor at an uncomfortable speed.
I need to think of what to do, before my adventure comes to a very hot and unpleasant end...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Massive mysterious temple.
Inventory: Pocket lint, 413$, some(very)old drugs.
Post by: dreadmullet on January 13, 2012, 12:36:57 pm
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 13, 2012, 01:25:48 pm
which
RELEASES A CLOWN CAR
which
RELEASES THE WATER
which
OBSIDIANIZES THE CLOWNS
and
STOPS THE LAVA
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 13, 2012, 03:24:51 pm
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 13, 2012, 03:43:07 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: King DZA on January 13, 2012, 05:36:01 pm
You find a lever.
Climbing up one of the pillars to avoid the now slowly rising magma, I notice a lever hidden on the back of it. Odd, but convenient nonetheless.
PULL THE LEVER
which
RELEASES A CLOWN CAR
which
RELEASES THE WATER
which
OBSIDIANIZES THE CLOWNS
and
STOPS THE LAVA
Seeing as my options are pretty damned low at the moment, I conclude that the best thing to do is give the mysterious lever a pull. After a few suspenseful moment of waiting, I begin to see a lot of thrashing and splashing about in the shallow magma pool below, followed by screams and roars of unspeakable horror. Well that can't be good.
Before long,
Then, just as things are looking pretty hopeless, a flood of water rains down from from different special chambers in the ceiling. Before the hell-dwelling fiends have time to react, the magma around them solidifies, encasing them in obsidian as the temple is filled with the loud hissing noise of water colliding with the magma pool.
I guess the lever must have controlled the magma flow as well, because it has finally stopped pouring. This temple just gets stranger and stranger....
Quickly, summon the heroes and they will deliver you to safety.
Of course! I almost forgot about why I'm here in the first place. Time to summon up some heroes! Unfortunately, the instructions on the statues made it clear that the spearsword, which I have so lovingly named Flesh Liberator, is required to open some special gateway. The spearsword that is currently half submerged in freshly cooled obsidian. Well, damn. Looks like my plan for summoning the heroes of Dwarf Fortress has been halted yet again.
Unless...
Attempt to dig deeper, then dig up, using your eyebrows. Magma got no pressure, you'll be fine :pSpoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Glad you could make it (click to show/hide)
Focusing my badassery into my extraordinary eyebrows, I hop down from the pillar, and face-plant directly onto the newly-created obsidian floor, cracking it in all directions, including downward.
The good news:
Flesh Liberator can now be easily removed from the broken obsidian. Which will at last allow me to summon the heroes of Dwarf Fortress.
The bad news:
The power concentrated in my eyebrows was so great, that I also created a crevice all the way down to the very bottom of hell. Which the
I consider digging upward, but realize that would only be possible if I could find a way to reach the ceiling.
Regardless, I should probably think up my next course of actions, before the clowns try showing me a few tricks...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Massive mysterious temple.
Inventory: Pocket lint, 413$, some(very)old drugs.
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 13, 2012, 05:54:18 pm
Post by: dreadmullet on January 13, 2012, 06:19:19 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 14, 2012, 03:20:29 am
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 14, 2012, 03:25:01 am
Failing that, stab stab, eyebrows, stab, stab.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: King DZA on January 14, 2012, 03:48:31 pm
give them the drugs! they should die or at least be poisoned by incredibly aged drugs.
After some quick thinking, I swiftly pull out the aged drugs, and fling them at the clown horde. Most of the drugs have become so ancient, that they have almost entirely lost their potency. Others, however, have been fermenting in my pockets for so long that their smell alone could knock out a small to medium sized animal.
Due to the relatively light weight, many of the drugs simply fall to the ground a couple feet away, having no effect on the clowns. Luckily, one member of the hell horde becomes intrigued by the strange scent originating from some of them, and decides to pick them up off the floor and try them out. Moments after ingesting the drugs, the clown begins to scream in fear, and starts to run around frantically, he must be having a really bad trip.
To my surprise, seconds later, the drugged clown is freaking out, and starts to attack his confused brethren. He manages to make a small dent in their numbers before being swarmed by his kin. The drugged clown is a strong one. It should take a while before the rest of the horde can completely subdue him, which should buy me a little time.
Dive into the huge crevice, falling through hell and through a glowing pit.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Seeing as I now have a few moments of relief from the currently distracted clown horde, I can think of no better way to spend it other than diving directly through hell itself! Taking a few steps back so that I can get a good running start, I consider whether I should go for a double flip, or a swan dive while making my entry into hell as I charge toward the crevice.
Do what you came to do.
"Wait!", I exclaim, stopping inches away from the crevice to hell. I nearly forgot my purpose for being here yet again. I've come this far in my mission to summon the heroes of Dwarf Fortress. I need to take care of that before I do any sort of hell diving.
I hastily run back to the center of the temple, pull Flesh Liberator from the shattered obsidian, and initiate one of the rituals. I get pretty far into it before I am interrupted by the unpleasant sensation of a clown's claws slicing through my flesh, I then look over and notice two things:
1) The dismembered body of the drug-curious clown.
2) The clown who has just left some rather deep claw wounds in my upper arm.
I quickly jump away to distance myself from the clown, only to realize that I am surrounded by them. Clowns, of all different shapes, sizes, and materials encircle the center of the temple.
I ready myself for a dramatic last stand against the inhabitants of the underworld. When suddenly, an unusual thought pops into my head. Perhaps this time, fighting is not the answer...
Do a Walt Disney and make the Demons reflect on their actions and choose the morally right action, and join you on your quest to doing what you came to do.
Failing that, stab stab, eyebrows, stab, stab.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"I will not fight you.", I proclaim, sticking Flesh Liberator into the ground. The clowns look perplexed for a moment, then simply shrug it off and begin to run toward me. I quickly pull Flesh Liberator from the ground again and aim it at the clowns closest to me. "Hey, back the fuck up! I'm not done with my speech yet." The clowns growl and snarl, but grudgingly keep their distance.
(Music, to set the mood (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rluU6BGpKw))
"Look, I know that you're all a bit angry at me for obsidianizing some of your friends, and turning one of your fellow clowns against you, I understand. But without me, you would have never escaped that eternal prison in the first place. now I know that you are
You've spent all of your existence bringing torment and pain upon others, and for what? What has it earned you other than a place in that godforsaken hellhole? You know as well as I that it doesn't have to be this way. I don't think any of us truly need any more needless suffering in our lives, do you?
Now then, you can either strike me down right here, losing several dozen of you in the process. Or, you can make the choice to let go of your anger, to let go of your hate. You can choose to change, redeem yourselves, and be saved from the tormented life that I know you have all grown tired of."
I slowly reach my hand outward toward the clown horde. "Join me, my friends."
Everything goes silent. Some clowns simply bow their heads, others struggle to hold back their tears, but no one says a word. After a little while, a clown of incredible size, clearly one of the toughest here, steps out from the crowd, and approaches me. We both stare at each other for a few moments, before he grabs a hold of my hand, nodding slowly.
I give a faint smile, then look to the rest of the horde, "Now, who's ready to summon some heroes?". The clown horde erupts in a wave shouts and cheers. "good, let's get started."
(Music, for added atmosphere (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYKUeZQbMF0))
I start picking suitable clowns out from the horde, and begin instructing them on how to perform the given ritual. "man, it's a good thing I have them to help me with this", I think to myself, realizing how long it would have taken to summon each hero on my own. "With the help of the clowns, I will be able to summon them all in a fraction of the time!"
A clown stands in front of each statue, matching the hero they will be attempting to summon, As I stand in the center with Flesh Liberator, prepared to open the gateway when all is ready.
One by one, the clowns preform their respective ritual. Flesh Liberator growing stronger with each one completed. The rest of the horde stands by to provide support and cheer us on. Once the final ritual is finished, the clown gives me the OK, and I get into the proper stance, Flesh Liberator glows with untold intensity, so much so that it almost burns too much to hold. It is time.
With one swipe of Flesh Liberator, a tear in reality is opened, it shines with colors indescribable in the English language, and before long, the heroes emerge.
Legends, from all across Dwarf Fortress, now stand before me, many with armor and weaponry of amazing quality. Each known for their own amazing feats, they look at me only for a moment before realizing they are surrounded by a mass of clowns. Readying for battle, I quickly try explaining to them that the clowns are not their enemy before a small war breaks out. They don't seem very eager to trust me, but after noticing that I hold Flesh Liberator, they slowly lower their weapons.
I lead everyone over to the hell crevice. "This is it, my friends. The next step in our adventure lies at the very bottom of hell itself". Everyone looks rather confused. The clown are hesitant to return, and the heroes still have little idea just what the hell is going on. "I know it seems a bit odd, but you're going to have to trust me on this.", I say reassuringly. "Now then, ONWARD!", I shout, hopping down into the crevice. Not knowing what else to do, the others follow.
As I descend, the screams of tortured souls, and visions of unspeakable terror flash by. I look down, and see that I am rapidly approaching a glowing pit of some sort. I have no idea what will happen when I pass through it, but I have the
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Hell.
Inventory: Pocket lint, 413$, Flesh Liberator.
Spoiler: The End? (click to show/hide)
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 14, 2012, 03:55:19 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 14, 2012, 04:20:30 pm
but you plant your face so hard on the ground it breaks.
you are unconscious.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 14, 2012, 05:42:37 pm
Summon the clowns and heros of DF, FINALLY, and attempt an attack on Toady himself.
Post by: King DZA on January 14, 2012, 06:11:42 pm
I plan to leave the poll open for a couple days, enough time for everyone who cares to be able to vote. But regardless of whether or not the adventure continues, I feel that this little tale you guys helped me create has earned a spot in my signature.
Post by: dreadmullet on January 14, 2012, 06:17:49 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 14, 2012, 06:22:24 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 14, 2012, 06:26:47 pm
Also, where is the extra option completely unrelated to the topic to vote for? D:
*gasp* You're right! No worries, I'll take care of it immediately.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 14, 2012, 06:39:54 pm
>:(
Homogenist.
Post by: King DZA on January 14, 2012, 06:58:03 pm
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 14, 2012, 07:15:56 pm
Because I'm bias toward the delicious pink substance containing both healthy amounts of Vitamin D, and excessive quantities of artificial strawberry flavoring.
...what?
*dramatic sound effect*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
*somewhere else*
DUN DUN dun
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 14, 2012, 07:18:51 pm
Because I'm bias toward the delicious pink substance containing both healthy amounts of Vitamin D, and excessive quantities of artificial strawberry flavoring.
...what?
*dramatic sound effect*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
*somewhere else*
DUN DUN dun (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g9WjcGdxuM)
FTFY :D
Post by: Powder Miner on January 14, 2012, 09:02:22 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 14, 2012, 09:13:03 pm
...Does liking white milk make me a bad person?You and your wholesomeness, phah, chocolate milk is far superior due to its antioxidants, strawberry milk is inferior due to the fact that instead of containing any additions that actually improve its taste they subtract from it while adding in unwholesome things. White milk is in-between
Post by: dreadmullet on January 14, 2012, 09:18:30 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 14, 2012, 09:36:37 pm
...Does liking white milk make me a bad person?You and your wholesomeness, phah, chocolate milk is far superior due to its antioxidants, strawberry milk is inferior due to the fact that instead of containing any additions that actually improve its taste they subtract from it while adding in unwholesome things. White milk is in-between
Are you kidding? Strawberry milk is sexy rebel of the milk world, who rides a motorcycle and plays bass guitar. Chocolate is the old and lonely senior citizen of the milk world, with slowly worsening dementia and eleven cats. The only time anyone ever hangs out with chocolate milk is when not doing so would be rude. But no really enjoys its company.
Post by: mcclay on January 14, 2012, 10:17:22 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 14, 2012, 10:36:26 pm
...Does liking white milk make me a bad person?You and your wholesomeness, phah, chocolate milk is far superior due to its antioxidants, strawberry milk is inferior due to the fact that instead of containing any additions that actually improve its taste they subtract from it while adding in unwholesome things. White milk is in-between
Are you kidding? Strawberry milk is sexy rebel of the milk world, who rides a motorcycle and plays bass guitar. Chocolate is the old and lonely senior citizen of the milk world, with slowly worsening dementia and eleven cats. The only time anyone ever hangs out with chocolate milk is when not doing so would be rude. But no really enjoys its company.
Hah, you're merely deluding yourself, strawberry is the hipster of milks, new and all up in what's happening, but actually has no idea what it's doing. Chocolate milk on the other hand is the experienced veteran of the milk world, tried and true, with more experience in perfection than strawberry can ever hope to gain.
Post by: King DZA on January 14, 2012, 11:10:07 pm
The new chapter should have you searching for the heros of the Lower Boards ( as in the Multiworld Madness charcters and others of their kind) and building up an army to attack the Fortress of ultimate evil: Boatmurdred.
Well I try to incorporate every suggestion into the story, so the new chapter will have to be a scenario that allows me to tie all of the current suggestions together, and make a good starting foundation for the rest of it.
If I went the 'only choose suggestions I like' route, things would have turned out far differently, as I would have had more control over the story direction.
Of course, trying to make everything fit together without being completely nonsensical is definitely fun. Like some sort of storytelling puzzle. I kept creating basic storylines in my head to go along with the previous update, which would then be shattered and recreated after the story took an unexpected turn in the next update. There were actually a lot of different and interesting paths that were completely avoided throughout the story as a result of the varying suggestions. In the end, I really like the way it turned out, though.
...Does liking white milk make me a bad person?You and your wholesomeness, phah, chocolate milk is far superior due to its antioxidants, strawberry milk is inferior due to the fact that instead of containing any additions that actually improve its taste they subtract from it while adding in unwholesome things. White milk is in-between
Are you kidding? Strawberry milk is sexy rebel of the milk world, who rides a motorcycle and plays bass guitar. Chocolate is the old and lonely senior citizen of the milk world, with slowly worsening dementia and eleven cats. The only time anyone ever hangs out with chocolate milk is when not doing so would be rude. But no really enjoys its company.
Hah, you're merely deluding yourself, strawberry is the hipster of milks, new and all up in what's happening, but actually has no idea what it's doing.
Nah, now you're thinking of banana.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 14, 2012, 11:29:26 pm
I was unaware that such a thing existed, but I will concede to you that point if it is true....Does liking white milk make me a bad person?You and your wholesomeness, phah, chocolate milk is far superior due to its antioxidants, strawberry milk is inferior due to the fact that instead of containing any additions that actually improve its taste they subtract from it while adding in unwholesome things. White milk is in-between
Are you kidding? Strawberry milk is sexy rebel of the milk world, who rides a motorcycle and plays bass guitar. Chocolate is the old and lonely senior citizen of the milk world, with slowly worsening dementia and eleven cats. The only time anyone ever hangs out with chocolate milk is when not doing so would be rude. But no really enjoys its company.
Hah, you're merely deluding yourself, strawberry is the hipster of milks, new and all up in what's happening, but actually has no idea what it's doing.
Nah, now you're thinking of banana.
And as counterpoint, the human body isn't supposed to be able to proccess milk after a certain age, and people with lactose intolerance are actually normal, so this entire argument is invalid.
Also fruits and dairy should not mix unless frozen, it is simply an abomination, much like trying to graft a human head onto a dog without properly preserving and possessing the technology to properly combine them.
Post by: mcclay on January 15, 2012, 12:02:53 am
Post by: King DZA on January 15, 2012, 12:29:11 am
I was unaware that such a thing existed, but I will concede to you that point if it is true.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
And as counterpoint, the human body isn't supposed to be able to proccess milk after a certain age, and people with lactose intolerance are actually normal, so this entire argument is invalid.
Also fruits and dairy should not mix unless frozen, it is simply an abomination, much like trying to graft a human head onto a dog without properly preserving and possessing the technology to properly combine them.
Spoiler: Oh, it exists alright (click to show/hide)
Also if lactose intolerance is normal, why do the people who have it seem to be a minority? Unless I've just coincidentally only ever lived in places with a general lack of lactose intolerance.
I'd much rather have my dairy filled with fruit extracts rather than something that comes from a goddamn bean. Now that's an abomination.
Whatif I do not like milk.
I dunno, you're more likely to be lacking sufficient amounts of Vitamin D...?
Post by: Powder Miner on January 15, 2012, 06:12:31 pm
In any case, Strawberry tastes nothing like strawberry, and is just pink swill.
White milk is delicious, easy to drink, the one coldest when cold, the most refreshing.
Chocolate is good but just doesn't compare.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 16, 2012, 12:00:07 am
Actually you get enough vitamin D and calcium through your normal diet and sunlight, that being said I am aware that a good section of the forums members are probably [CAVE ADAPTED] but aside from that milk is actually on the bad side for you, lots of unnecessary fats and very little that you don't already get enough of. The only reason that dairy products are even on the food pyramid (or was since last I heard they're changing it to a plate now) is because it was funded by the large dairy producers.Whatif I do not like milk.
I dunno, you're more likely to be lacking sufficient amounts of Vitamin D...?
Post by: King DZA on January 16, 2012, 12:38:59 am
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 16, 2012, 12:42:36 am
Well, they're also fucking tasty. So that's a plus.The major dairy producers? ???
Post by: King DZA on January 16, 2012, 12:46:35 am
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 16, 2012, 07:04:32 am
Well, they're also fucking tasty. So that's a plus.Always a plus. Did I mention Eels are tasty?
Post by: King DZA on January 17, 2012, 03:30:11 am
OH MAH GAWD I'M CRYING TEARS OF BOILING GOLD :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(Spoiler (click to show/hide)
As I rapidly descend through the depths of hell, I calculate that I still have a good couple seconds before passing through the glowing pit. As I fall, the only logical way to spend this increasingly short amount of time becomes obvious to me. Activate barrel roll!
the eerie glowing pit quickly solidifies!
but you plant your face so hard on the ground it breaks.
you are unconscious.
Barrel roll complete! "Wonderful. Now let's see how close we are to that...Hmm, Is it just me, or does the glowing pit look much less traversable than it did just a moment ago? Oh shi-", I say, immediately before being knocked unconscious by the powerful impact with the now solidified(and broken) glowing pit.
New chapter.
Summon the clowns and heros of DF, FINALLY, and attempt an attack on Toady himself.
"Ow...Goddamn it, that barrel roll didn't help at all.", I mumble. After taking a moment to examine my surroundings, I come to the conclusion that I have no idea what the hell my surroundings are. Likely due to pitch blackness of this new location. That incredibly painful, yet highly comical face-plant must have lowered my Badassery Level as well, as I no longer have my aura to provide any light.
I attempt to stand, but struggle as I quickly realize there is something restraining my hands and feet. I feel something around my neck as well...Judging my the clanking sound, I can assume that someone decided to put shackles on me during my unintended nap. The question, is who?
Idea! "I will summon the heroes of Dwarf Fortress, and the clowns of hell, too! Together we shall- Oh, wait. I already did that. Well, I can still lead an attack against the toad man with my new comrades! And I shall! Right after I figure out where he is. Or where I am, for that matter...", I think to myself.
When you wake up, everything is in ASCII.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Suddenly, A bright light begins to emerge from the darkness, several dozen feet away. Within it, I can see the silhouettes of two rather large people. "Fucking great. I'm dead". Upon further observation, I realize that this is not the case, and that someone has merely opened a door to the room I am apparently in.
As the two strange figures approach me, I notice that something seems...Off. I can now see that the floor is made of stone, clearly. But something just doesn't look right. One of the figures, who seems to be clad in armor, grabs a chain laying on the floor. A chain that I quickly find out is connected to the uncomfortable metal collar around my neck. As I am lead out the door, I closely inspect my own hands, only to see that they are made up of millions and millions of little U's. That's not all, the shackles are made up of many strange little symbols as well, and the armor that the figures wear, too! In the light I can now see that these two figures are covered from head to toe in armor, I can hardly even see their faces. The material of the armor is hard to tell, as most of it seems to be covered in a coating of both dried, and fairly fresh blood.
I am in such shock, that I almost completely forget to pay attention to where I am being led. I take a look at my newer, better lit surroundings. I see that I am being led down a narrow pathway, with what I am guessing is water below, but other than that, I simply don't know what to make of it. "OK, what the FUCK is going on!?"
Spoiler: I don't think I'm in hell anymore... (click to show/hide)
The armored figures ignore me, and continue walking. Eventually, we reach the edge of the pathway, and stand across from a large, roundish structure, surrounded by the rushing water below. I wait there with the guards for a few minutes, curious about why I've been brought to a dead end, when we're suddenly teleported into the center of the circular structure.
I stand with the armored figures, now even more confused then before. Shortly after, a few of the Dwarf Fortress heroes are teleported into the structure as well, along with several more blood-coated, armored figures. The heroes are covered in a considerable amount of blood and other fluids. They are shackled in a similar fashion to me, they also appear to be pretty worn out.
Just then, a near-deafening laugh is heard, though I am unable to figure out where or who it is coming from. As the armored figures vigilantly watch to keep everyone in check, a voice, speaking in a tone unlike any I have ever encountered, is heard from all directions:
"Welcome. Welcome all. To my ARENA! Ah, D.Z.A! I see you're finally awake. Forgive me for the little trick I played with the glowing pit. But I have been watching you, and I simply could not pass up the chance to finally have you as a participant in glorious Arena of Armok."
All of a sudden, the armored figures, that have remained completely silent up until now, begin to chant a rather foreboding phrase:
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"
Well, this certainly wasn't the next step in my grand adventure I was expecting. But, regardless of what situation I expected, this is the one I'm in. A new chapter in the adventure begins. And now, it's time to think of how I'm going to deal with it...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Arena of Armok.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 17, 2012, 10:56:59 am
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 17, 2012, 11:18:43 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 17, 2012, 11:29:37 am
if that doesnt work, at least try to grab it and go berzerk!
Post by: dreadmullet on January 17, 2012, 01:52:11 pm
You latch on firmly!
You shake the Adamantine Colossus around by the head, and the severed part sails off in an arc!
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 17, 2012, 02:38:53 pm
Oh wait someone can see us. Tell everyone to close their eyes, and begin sneaking.
>Also, adamantine Colossi are hilariously fragile and light. Put the colossus in your backpack for later use as a parachute/boat.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 18, 2012, 11:42:46 am
-insert forum user in epic story-
Pwease? :3 You need a sidekick, right?
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 18, 2012, 01:22:47 pm
>Meet up with a strange half-elf, half-dwarf halfbreed who was tossed in the arena in another event in his tortured life.
-insert forum user in epic story-
Pwease? :3 You need a sidekick, right?
>HE DIED ON THE WAY BACK.
How is everyone feeling on cameos? :P
Post by: King DZA on January 18, 2012, 03:23:24 pm
>Meet up with a strange half-elf, half-dwarf halfbreed who was tossed in the arena in another event in his tortured life.
-insert forum user in epic story-
Pwease? :3 You need a sidekick, right?>AND THEN THE HYBRID HAD TO GO BACK TO HIS HOME PLANET. IT NEEDED HIM.
>HE DIED ON THE WAY BACK.
How is everyone feeling on cameos? :P
Heh, that might be a little difficult to work in. Not impossible, with my amazing writing skills, though.
On the other hand, I am already letting New Guy get away with modding in an Adamantine colossus. So I guess letting you guys have little personal roles in the story couldn't hurt.
Eh, in the end, it's not my job to decide the basic materials for the story, only to take those materials and craft them into an ☼epic tale☼. So yeah, up to you guys.
I should point out that making a second suggestion will cancel out your previous suggestion. The only exceptions being if I have already worked your first suggestion too far into story(as I have with most of the current ones), or it's something small that can be easily slid in.
P.S.
Oh yeah, sorry for the update delay, I wanna try to get a good arena screenshot to go with it, and I haven't had access to the computer that I have DF on. Hopefully I'll get it posted later today.
Post by: Powder Miner on January 18, 2012, 05:39:10 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 19, 2012, 03:30:19 am
Where's the clowns? Remember...nobody can ever defeat a clown. Only Toady has that power...
"Strange", I think. "I haven't seen any sign of my comrades from the underworld since I've been here..."
I raise my voice, and attempt to speak with the unseen owner of the arena, "Excuse me, Armok, you said your name was? You see, I actually came here with some other companions, and I couldn't help but notice that I haven't seen them around. They're quite a vicious looking group, being from hell and all, but I assure you they are much better behaved ever since I had a chat with them a while back. You wouldn't have happened to see them running around anywhere, would you?"
"Ah yes, the clowns. While you were unconscious, I figured I'd have a little fun and pit them against some of the heroes you managed to summon", I hear the voice respond, as a look of concern washes over my face.
You're certainly right about the behavior change, though I wouldn't call it better. No matter how badly they were beaten, slashed, and stabbed, they refused to fight back. If your goal was to turn them into a bunch of weaklings, I'd say you definitely succeeded. Strangely enough though, despite their devastating injuries, not a single one died. After a while, I got bored, and simply locked them back into the hell they came from. Undeserving of the freedom gifted to them. It's a shame. Of all the creatures I thought I could trust to spread death and bloodshed, it was them I had the most confidence in.
There may still be a few locked in their cells. But other than those, don't expect to be seeing the clowns any time soon. Although, now that you've mentioned it...
New Guy: Mod in an adamantine colossus and pit it against DZA.
Suddenly, A colossal humanoid made of shiny, light blue metal, appears in the circular structure with the rest of us. "...The fuck?", I hear the voice mutter. The armored figures immediately draw their weapons. All of them seem to be equipped with large swords. So large, in fact, that it requires two hands to properly wield. The colossus turns its attention toward me, right before a few of the armored figures charge forth to do battle.
punt one of the guards and try to use one of their weapons to break the shackles!
if that doesnt work, at least try to grab it and go berzerk!
The two armored figures that escorted me stand on each side of me, swords drawn. While they're distracted by the colossus of blue, I decide to seize this opportunity to turn the tables. I consider punting one away and stealing his weapon, but due to the shackles around my ankles, my punting skills are severely impaired at the moment. My weapon stealing skills, however, are not as effected. I swiftly snatch a large sword from one of them, and immediately preform a perfect spin slash on the now disarmed armored figure(as perfect a spin slash one can do with their hands and feet shackled, at least). Slicing across his throat, I'm showered in a spray of blood as the armored figure falls to the ground. The other armored figure lifts his sword high and brings it downward with impressive force. I quickly drop the large sword and block his attack with the shackles on my wrists, greatly damaging them! The impact makes loud clanging sound, and the armored figure steps back slightly from the countered attack. Giving me time to grab hold of the previously dropped sword.
He tries to attack again, this time attempting to slice me in two. But before he can finish his attack, I drive the large sword through his helmet, and subsequently, through his skull, tearing the brain!
As the remaining armored figures are relentlessly attacked by the colossus with wave after wave of strikes, the strength of which are comparable to that of a pillow that hasn't been fluffed in a while, I think about the suffering my clown comrades were forced to endure. In a matter of moments I am filled with untold amounts of pure, concentrated rage, and enter a martial trance!
You bite the Adamantine Colossus in the head.
You latch on firmly!
You shake the Adamantine Colossus around by the head, and the severed part sails off in an arc!
With a powerful, hate fueled leap, I land atop the colossus of blue, and bite into the shining blue metal it is composed of. After much struggling from both me and the colossus, its head is torn off, and I fall to the ground as it flies off into the distance. The body of the now lifeless colossus of blue lightly hits the floor.
>COMMENCE SNEAKING! NOT EVEN ARMOK CAN SEE YOU IN ARENA MODE IF YOU SNEAK!!!!
Oh wait someone can see us. Tell everyone to close their eyes, and begin sneaking.
>Also, adamantine Colossi are hilariously fragile and light. Put the colossus in your backpack for later use as a parachute/boat.
Time to get stealthy!, Unfortunately, biting the head off of an Adamantine colossus seems to attract attention, and now both the heroes, and the rest of the armored figures are staring at me with what looks to be a mix of both shock and awe. The fact that my aura has returned as a result of such a badass feat isn't exactly helping stealthiness, either.
"Everyone, quickly! Shut your eyes!", I yell. Though all it seemed to do was add bewilderment to that mix of shock and awe. Not knowing what else to try, I pick up the colossus' body, and attempt to store it in my backpack. Might come in handy later, after all. Much to my dismay, I realize I have no backpack, much less one that could I could fit a colossus corpse into. So now I'm left standing here, glowing, with everybody staring at me, while holding a colossus body over my head. Awkward.
>Meet up with a strange half-elf, half-dwarf halfbreed who was tossed in the arena in another event in his tortured life.
-insert forum user in epic story-
Pwease? :3 You need a sidekick, right?
Just then, I hear screams of fear in the distance, coming from another part of the arena. After hopping up and down a few times to peek over the wall of the circular structure, I can see that it is some sort of weird, small, blonde haired...thing, in the southeastern part of the arena. it's surrounded by what appear to be goblins, and judging by the terror in its voice, it's probably not winning. I would simply love to meet the strange little creature, but the circular structure is surrounded by rushing water. I would have to think of a way to reach him first.
>A rather terrified, dust-covered human miner pops up out of the rock.
All of a sudden, a portion of the rock floor begins to crack. Before long, the floor breaks open, and a human miner emerges from the hole. He looks pretty scared. More so after taking a quick glance at his surroundings. He slowly ducks back into his hole.
Spoiler: I may be slightly outnumbered (click to show/hide)
At this point, it's safe to say that no one has any good idea what the hell is going on in this arena. I need to start thinking of how I'm going to sort through all this madness...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Arena of Armok.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Adamantine colossus body.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 19, 2012, 04:11:08 am
> New Guy: Summon Gizogin's Fluffballs (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=91488.msg2550030#msg2550030).
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 19, 2012, 07:33:06 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 19, 2012, 09:02:30 am
once there...
find an abomination with an office suit, fan head, and scales...
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 19, 2012, 12:05:17 pm
>Use your omniscience and omnipotence to kill the guards ,then free the strange abomination, and the hybrid.
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 19, 2012, 02:57:22 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on January 19, 2012, 03:18:12 pm
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 19, 2012, 03:47:04 pm
>Miner: Get chased out of the hole by a giant cave spider.
Don't forget the voracious cave crawler you oh so subtly edited out :p
Post by: Powder Miner on January 19, 2012, 03:47:46 pm
Post by: dreadmullet on January 19, 2012, 04:43:08 pm
OR
> Suddenly, 300 cats.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 19, 2012, 05:02:01 pm
> Suddenly, 300 cats.NO. Suddenly INFINITE cats.
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 19, 2012, 05:03:40 pm
>GET TO THE DAMN> Suddenly, 300 cats.NO. Suddenly INFINITE cats.
Post by: agertor on January 20, 2012, 02:28:32 am
Post by: King DZA on January 21, 2012, 12:42:10 am
> New Guy: "This cannot be! My awesome colossus, destroyed? Let me search around the Twelfth Bay for ammo... AHAHAHAHAHA, this one, you'll never kill!"
> New Guy: Summon Gizogin's Fluffballs (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=91488.msg2550030#msg2550030).
I stand there, holding the Adamantine colossus body, unsure about what to do next. Then, for no explainable reason, a ball of fluff falls from above, making an adorable little squeaking noise as it softly collides with the stone floor. That's...weird. On the bright side, everyone has stopped paying attention to me, and has begun curiously staring at the little fluffball. I guess it is pretty cute.
Suddenly, another one falls, landing a few feet away from the first. And then another! And another! And...another? And another. And another. And another...Where the hell are these things coming from?
>Talk to the kobold, he's obviously not here of his free will, and you should be able to convince him to join you.
I turn to the kobold, and attempt to convince it to join me on my adventure. The kobold prince stares at me for a moment, and then glances around at all of the armored figures. "Oh, that's right. I'm the one who lead you down here in the first place. Well don't worry, I'll think of a way to get us out of here!". The armored figures all quickly turn their attention to me, rather than the balls of fluff that continue to rain from seemingly thin air. Guess that's not the best thing to announce when you're a captive, surrounded by the people in charge of ensuring that kind of thing doesn't happen.
lift the human miner and jump the hole where it came!
once there...
find an abomination with an office suit, fan head, and scales...
"Um, give me a second, I'll be right back", I say, grabbing the miner from his hole. I toss him aside before hopping down into hole, which is surprisingly deep. The guards hastily surround it, but are only able to catch a glimpse of my aura fading into the darkness before I am no longer visible.
I fall for roughly 11 seconds before finally hitting the bottom. It's pitch black down here. If it wasn't for my aura, and a small lantern sitting on a nearby rock, I wouldn't be able to see a thing. As a take I look around the small, carved out room I've found myself in, I begin to hear some rather unsettling sounds, coming from a mineshaft at the opposite end of it. It's too dark to tell for sure, but it seems to go on for quite a long ways. That miner had to have been down here for an exceptional amount of time, in order to get all of this carved out.
Being the great adventurer I am, I decide to enter the mineshaft and discover the origin of the unsettling sounds. As I get closer to the source of the sounds, they become more and more defined. While they were once completely incomprehensible, they can now be described as a sort of screeching, mixed with the whirling of metal blades. Whirling metal blades and screeching aren't exactly the sounds one would hear from the nicest creature in the world, but I've gone too far to turn back now.
After walking for an unknown amount of time, I at last reach the end of the mineshaft. Or what will be the end of it for me, at least. the remainder of the way is blocked by several close-set bars of some incredibly strong, grayish-black material. Effectively preventing me from continuing onward. The sounds are very loud now. Whatever they're coming from isn't far beyond this.
Just then, I see something strange walk out from the darkness beyond, and approach the bars, making the same sounds that I've been hearing all this time. I begin to step closer, trying to get a better look at the creature. Is it...wearing a suit? Well that's silly, I can't see why a creature locked so far underground would have any use for such formal att- HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!
Wait....
>Use your omniscience and omnipotence to kill the guards ,then free the strange abomination, and the hybrid.
After speedily making my way back to the small, carved out room(as speedily as one can with shackles around their ankles), I take a moment to catch my breath. "That thing was horrifying....I should free it.", I say, breathing heavily.
Music, to set the vibe. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTH0pcu_t_8&feature=related)
I sit down on the rough stone floor, and begin to meditate, so that I may release myself from the restraints of my human body. As I once again become one with everything everywhere, I see that the armored figures are currently busy fighting off the hordes of fluffballs that continue to fall into the arena. I also become aware that their occurrence, and the occurrence of the colossus of blue, was the the work of some pesky being who seems to have the power to modify reality in this strange ASCII realm.
I then liberate each of the armored figures, and the goblins, from their mortal shells, concluding that it would be best for everyone. They begin to twitch and contort themselves, and then fall dead to the floor, bleeding from every bodily orifice they have. I focus on the bars, which turn out to be holding back a fan-headed dinosaur like creature. Wearing a suit. The bars shatter, allowing the strange abomination of nature to roam free.
I discover that the little blonde haired thing that was being tormented by the goblins is actually a rare elf-dwarf hybrid. And that it had also taken quite a beating from the now fallen goblins, to the point of fading in and out of consciousness. I am able to heal him. Not entirely, but enough to where he won't die within the next couple of minutes. Something is causing me to lose my concentration...
>Miner: Get chased out of the hole by a giant cave spider.
A few moments later, I find myself pulled back into my own body, with a very unpleasant headache as a result of the sudden re-entry. The miner had come down the hole to check up on me. And, upon finding me deep in meditation, figured the best thing to do was poke at me and ask if I was alright.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. What is it?", I ask, somewhat irritated.
"I just wanted to warn you about going down that mineshaft over there. I found something pretty nasty locked deep away in there. Wanted to make sure you didn't go mess and with it by accident", replies the miner.
"You mean that thing in the suit? Yeah. I admit, I was hesitant to set it free, but it hasn't seemed to cause any trouble since I broke the bars, so I think we'll be alright", I tell the miner.
"A suit? Did you hit your head or something?", asks the miner, in a confused tone. "I'm talking about the giant-
Suddenly, Giant Cave Spider out of fucking nowhere! It viciously clicks and chitters as it watches the miner with its many beady eyes. The miner takes off, climbing his way back up the hole. The Giant Cave Spider quickly pursues.
> Suddenly, 300 cats.NO. Suddenly INFINITE cats.
Deciding I've spent enough time in this hole, I begin climbing my way back up as well. When I make it to the surface, I am greeted by complete chaos. The four heroes still in the stuck in the circular structure managed to break from their shackles and have been fighting off the relentless fluffball hordes with the large swords previously belonging to the armored figures(though the kobold prince seems to be having a bit of trouble with it). Looks like they've been at it for a while now, they don't look like they can keep it up for much longer. Meanwhile, the Giant Cave Spider seems to have caught up with the miner, and is in the process of enveloping him in a large web cocoon.
Peeking up over the wall, I realize the fluffballs haven't been paying any attention to the hybrid creature up until now. They must have thought he was dead until I healed him. Now they seem to be slowly surrounding the little guy, ready to fluff the fuck out of him.
All of a sudden, a sound other than squeaks and purrs fill the air. It's the sound, of meowing, and scratching. I look up to see dozens of cats climbing out of cracks in the ceiling. Dozens more clawing their way out of the rushing water and onto the stone walls and walkways. the cats, entranced by the puffy, bouncing balls of fluff, do what they do best:
Kill adorable little creatures that are smaller than them, just for fun.
Unfortunately(for the cats), the fluffballs aren't as easy to take down as a mouse or small bird, and in less then a couple minutes, the single most adorable war in the history of everything breaks out in the Arena of Armok.
>GET TO THE DAMNMusic, for added epicness. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1YZtupPbRU)CHOPPAHTUNNEL
"Everyone, Into the tunnel! NOW!", I shout.
Dodging cats and fluffballs from all directions, the heroes run toward the hole. After looking around at the miner and the hybrid, however, I reconsider retreating just yet. "WAIT!", I yell to the heroes just as they reach the hole. "We can't leave them here!". I run over to the heroes, or at least try to, before falling over as a result of still having my feet restrained."Fucking shackles", I say, snapping the damaged ones around my wrists. Tholtig Cryptbrain runs over and breaks the chain connecting shackles on my ankles, before helping me up.
As the war between cats and fluffballs intensifies, I go over to meet up with the other three heroes. "Alright, Cacame, kobold prince! Go take out that the eight-legged bastard before he devours the miner! Tholtig and Morul, follow me!".
The kobold prince begins to speak, "By the way, my name is-" "Right! Now let's get a move on!", I interrupt, before bolting to the wall of the circular structure, Morul and Tholtig following closely behind.
"What are we doing??", I hear Morul ask. "There's a half-dwarf half-elf hybrid in the southeastern part of this arena. We need to rescue him before we can leave!", I respond, trying to concentrate. "Why!?", shouts Tholtig, batting an incoming fluffball out of the air with the flat of her sword. I shout back to Tholtig, "I don't know!!"
Approaching the wall, I quickly instruct my two companions on what to do. "Morul, stay behind. Tholtig, JUMP!". At the last second me and Tholtig Cryptbrain leap into the air, barely making it over the wall, while Morul slows down to avoid running into it.
Landing at the edge of the large stone platform that makes up the southeastern portion of the arena, I scout out the area, looking for the hybrid creature. Covered in fluff and cat blood, this place is a battlefield, just like the rest of the arena. Finally spotting the hybrid, I tell Tholtig to cover me as I charge onward to reach him. He's passed out, and also covered in fluff and cat blood, but he's alive.
"MORUL, CATCH!", I yell, just before preforming the most badass half-elf half-dwarf hybrid toss ever witnessed. Seeing the unconscious hybrid fly over the wall, morul drops his sword and executes an impressive dive-catch, preventing the hybrid creature from taking the full force of the impact!
"Great! Now how are we going to get back up over the wall?", Tholtig asks. "Umm...Quick! Hand me your sword!". Taking the large sword from Tholtig, I throw it javelin-style at the wall, lodging it firmly in place! Taking another large leap, I manage to grab hold of the sword. Slicing my hands open in the process, I endure the pain and pull myself up over the wall. Tholtig follows my lead, not having to worry about any unintentional hand slicing due to her gauntlets.
We run to meet with the others. Cacame waits by the hole along with Morul the kobold prince, and the passed out hybrid. The web-encased miner lifted over his shoulder. "OK, into the hole! Go! Go! Go!", I exclaim. The entire arena beginning to crumble around us. Thunderous clapping and guffawing can be heard throughout the arena. The blood god is distracted by the ever-growing war of cats VS. fluffballs, now is our chance.
"What about the others still locked in their cells?", asks Cacame, with worry in his voice.
"There's no time! We have to go now, before this entire place collapses!"
Cacame tries to speak again, but is interrupted by half of the circular structure breaking off and falling into the water below.
"NO TIME!", I say, pushing him into the hole. I check to make sure everyone has made it in, before jumping down myself.
Realize the Tunnel is a portal which takes you above a new city near the ocean, you are about 30,000 feet in the air and would be currently going for the patented belly flop to try and cause a tidal wave in the city.
The amount of pure adorableness, violence, and general insanity in a single location is putting a strain on the entire ASCII realm, which is beginning to tear at the seams as Armok continues to erupt with joyous laughter over the bloodshed. The ties of reality within the ASCII realm are so weak at the moment, that halfway through the tunnel, we end slipping through a portal, leading to another realm entirely!
Almost instantly, me and the others find ourselves tens of thousands of feet in the sky, and making our way to the ground at an exceedingly fast velocity. Hm, there seems to be a city by the coast of a large body of water below. That can only mean one thing, time for a belly flop of EPIC PROPORTIONS! I preform a stunning quadruple flip before getting into perfect belly flop position. This is certain to cause an absolutely monstrous tidal wave!...wait.
Realize the Tunnel is a portal which takes you above a new city near the ocean, you are about 30,000 feet in the air and would be currently going for the patented belly flop to try and cause a tidal wave in the city.
a portal which takes you above a new city near the ocean
above a new city
....
Fuck.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Several thousand feet above a new city.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
Post by: dreadmullet on January 21, 2012, 01:24:05 am
OR
> Suddenly, 300 cats.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 21, 2012, 02:29:48 am
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 21, 2012, 02:31:15 am
And of course, die afterwards from the force of DZA's landing.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 21, 2012, 08:29:12 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 21, 2012, 09:12:47 am
also, use your badassery aura to create a shockwave and block the full force of the impact
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 21, 2012, 11:33:54 am
Then...
>SUDDENLY EERIE GLOWING MIST EVERYWHERE! SOMETHING IN THE MIST TOOK URIST MCLEE!!!!
Post by: agertor on January 22, 2012, 03:46:32 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on January 22, 2012, 04:33:28 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 22, 2012, 11:51:14 pm
Post by: mcclay on January 23, 2012, 12:07:23 am
> Far below the city a Tomb full of Steampunk Necrons prepare to harvest the souls of the living.
Post by: King DZA on January 24, 2012, 07:03:18 pm
>Just before impact, you miss the ground.
OR
> Suddenly, 300 cats.
A few hundred feet away from the concrete and asphalt that makes up the ground below, I suddenly notice that much of it is occupied by a large quantity of cats, of all different colors, sizes and breeds, patiently sitting in formation. "Oh god, they've learned how to organize themselves", I think, assuming that they must have somehow made it through the portal.
>The hybrid lands on the ground using a parachute made from the skin of 300 cats, then you use your omnipotence to halt the wave.
Only a couple hundred feet til impact, the hybrid creature reawakens. Upon realization of the dire nature of his current situation, he releases his special +Cat leather parachute+, and begins to float safely to the ground.
He then frantically yells at me to halt the wave with my spectacular omnipotence. But due to the lack of any noticeable wave, I find myself unable to do so. If there were some exceptionally large wave around, however, I would be sure to halt it.
New Guy: Act as a cushion for DZA, so that he doesn't get damaged. Of course, do this all unintentionally, and let's just say that I was tending the 300 or so cats.
And of course, die afterwards from the force of DZA's landing.
As I brace for impact, I close my eyes. The last thing I see is someone with an earpiece and a clipboard, walking directly under me. Yelling at unruly cats, while ensuring they are all nicely groomed for some for some sort of celebration.
I open my eyes and look around, to find that I have safely made it to the ground, with only minimal injuries. "Wow, that was much less excruciating than expected", I say happily. "Odd, I don't remember being this bloody before I fell through the- Oh...oh my...", I say, staring at the mangled pile of flesh I appear to be sitting in. Poor fella. He may have been some New Guy I've never met before, but he prevented me from having a far less ideal landing.
the fan headed monstrosity quickly gets to you through the portal and stops the fall from itself, using its head and various amounts of wind.
also, use your badassery aura to create a shockwave and block the full force of the impact
Shortly after standing up and brushing bits of gore off of myself, the scaly, suit wearing abomination I freed earlier eases itself to the ground, using its high-powered fan head to slow its fall. "Aw what the hell, that thing made it through the portal too!?".
Just then, I am reminded that my companions should be having a collision with the floor at any moment now. I'm actually surprised they didn't make it before me. Then again, that quadruple flip did speed me up quite a bit.
I think fast, and unleash a powerful shockwave, the force of which is equal to that of the gravitational force pulling my companions toward the ground, effectively neutralizing their velocity! Cats fly everywhere as a result of the shockwave, and the rest of my group is stopped mid-air, only a few feet before impact, before falling down at a now safe distance. Except for the hybrid, who was violently flung several hundred feet back into the air because of his much slower velocity.
My Badassery Level seems to have been drained a bit from that little tactic, but at least(most of)my comrades are now safely on the ground.
>Attempt to land on a farm. If we're lucky, we'll land on a pig merchant, and no one will take fall damage.
Then...
>SUDDENLY EERIE GLOWING MIST EVERYWHERE! SOMETHING IN THE MIST TOOK URIST MCLEE!!!!
"Hmm, you know what would have really been nice? To land on a farm. Then we could have landed on some sort of animal merchant, preferably a pig, which would have saved me the trouble of having to drain my badassery creating a shockwave. Oh well. Save it for next massive freefall, I guess.", I think to myself. Future objective planned!
suddenly, an eerie, glowing mist starts to surround our location. Seeping out of building windows, sewer grates, and rolling in from every direction. Well this is certainly ominous.
A figure slowly walks out from the mist, and introduces himself as Urist McLee. "Howdy! Haven't seen your faces 'round these parts, y'all must be new here.", he says in a cheerful voice.
"Yes. To both the city, and the dimension.", I respond.
Urist McLee slaps his knee and laughs. "Well how 'bout you strangers come along with me and I'll give you a tour of the city. Been here all my life, I know this place like the back of my AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!", says Urist McLee, just before he is yanked back into the mist by forces unknown. Well, I'd say this eerie glowing mist just went from ominous to foreboding on the horror-scale.
For whatever reason, there is a festival going on with people holding up banners reading "We love you D.Z.A.!" They seem to be having a celebration of your arrival, whether it be for better or worse. Some girl most like is waving her shirt around in the air at you somewhere. The people love you a little too much...
Just as the mist closes in on us, things take an unexpected turn. Shouts of joy and excitement are heard all around. The mist begins to clear, and much to my bewilderment, reveals a rather large welcoming party, that has begun to rejoice upon seeing my arrival. Holding up signs and banners with words of praise, the most popular ones seeming to be "We love you D.Z.A.!", "You Rock!!", and "MARRY ME!". A particularly joyous young girl lifts her shirt off and waves it around a bit, before throwing it in my general direction.
From what I can hear through nigh-indecipherable waves of chants and screams, there is also quite a high demand for me to father the children of many of the festival goers. It's nice being appreciated for whatever the hell it is I did to get everyone so pumped up, but these people seem a little bit...obsessive.
>Miner: Scream through webbing. Attempt to break through webbing with pick.
Everything is so loud, I can barely hear the muffled screams coming from the web cocoon that the miner is encased within. After squirming around on the floor like a panicking earthworm for a few minutes, the miner finally manages to pierce the web cocoon with his pick, and slowly but surely breaks his way free.
He nearly has a heart attack at the sight of the large screaming crowd surrounding him, but calms himself down, and lifts himself to his feet as he picks off the small pieces of webbing still stuck to him.
While still trying to figure out just what's going on, I see a jolly looking man with a top hat, and a golden sash which reads 'MAYOR', step through the crowd and approach me and my posse.
>high up above the city a Trynid Hive fleet prepares to land and destory an ancient enemy.
> Far below the city a Tomb full of Steampunk Necrons prepare to harvest the souls of the living.
The jolly looking man shakes my hand, and speaks to me, "D.Z.A.! So glad to see that you could make it! What did you think of the eerie glowing mist? Pretty neat, eh? It was my idea. I figured a magnificent adventurer such as yourself would appreciate a more dramatic introduction such as that. There was supposed to be a cat parade in honor of your arrival as well, but it seems there was an accident of some sort, and our Cat Coordinator isn't in any condition to reorganize the whole thing....Ah, and who are these dashing men and women beside you?"
"These are some of the heroes of Dwarf Fortress. Cacame, Morul, Tholtig, and the kobold prince. There's also this random miner I met in the Arena of Armok, and a dwarf-elf hybrid that should be making his way down any time now. And yeah, the mist was a nice touch. Sorry about the cats. That was my bad", I respond.
The kobold prince steps forward a bit to say something, "In case you're wondering, my name is-" "Ah, right. Lovely to meet you all! And...um, what about that one over there?", asks the jolly man, interrupting the kobold prince and pointing at the fan-headed abomination a few feet away. "I...I'm still not entirely sure yet", I tell him.
The jolly man watches the abomination with morbid interest for a moment, before continuing to speak, "Well in any case, I'm happy to see you and your friends made it here in one piece! I knew the legend was true! Though it described you as being much younger. Not to offend, of course! If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know."
"Actually, we met a cheerful little fellow who went by the name Urist McLee a little while ago who offered to give us a tour. I take it he was mysteriously pulled into the mist as part of your little festival opening. So if you could point us in the direction we could find him, that would be grand.", I say politely.
"Urist McLee?", the jolly man responds. "No, I don't recall anyone with that name having a significant part in the festival introduction. But if he was pulled away like you said, I'd say there's a good chance that it was probably the Steampunk Necrons who were behind it. Not much hope for him now, I'm afraid."
"Necrons?" I ask, a tad perplexed.
"Steampunk Necrons.", says the jolly man, correcting me. "Though, now that I think of it, I suppose it could have been the Tyranids as well. They've been causing quite a bit of trouble for us ever since their hive fleet parked itself a little off the coast of our wondrous city. Because of them, and the Steampunk Necrons that have recently awoken deep in the sewers, mutilated bodies have become a normal finding. And dozens, if not hundreds more go missing everyday.", the jolly man says gloomily. He perks up again, and then talks to me once more, "But now what you're here, you can stop them from terrorizing our city any longer, just like the legend says!...Right?".
"Um, give me a moment to think about this.", I respond, unsure about what to say.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Somewhere in the new city.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 24, 2012, 07:12:14 pm
DZA: have a punt-out with some guy named big cam, he gives you something fishy,
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 24, 2012, 07:15:02 pm
Also, have an epiphany that you are the source of all kittens and can call forth an infinite number of them at will.
Post by: dreadmullet on January 24, 2012, 07:16:40 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on January 24, 2012, 07:19:41 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 24, 2012, 07:25:35 pm
Post by: mcclay on January 24, 2012, 08:12:13 pm
High above the planet: A Hive Tryant turns to his Carnfiex generals. "Brethern" he spoke in a raspy voice " our enemies draw near, consume them for the glory of the Hivemind. Mcclay, you are to have the honor of going in first. Clear the lessers off this world." Mcclay grunted his assent and lead his squad into a wating drop shit and onto the planet. (( Trynids:http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Tyranid, Necrons (non steampunk variant) http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Necron))
Post by: dreadmullet on January 24, 2012, 09:28:36 pm
> Determine your location in the universe.
> Get the hell out of here as fast as possible.
Post by: King DZA on January 24, 2012, 10:19:20 pm
Some where under the city: A hiss of steam flows from the tomb as a Necron Tomblord steps out. He shakes himself off before summoning his advisors."Where the bloody hell am I? And why do it has geas and stem coming out of me. Oh well, raise the army, we shall harvest the souls of the living. Make sure my personal Doomsday Monlith Phlanx is ready
High above the planet: A Hive Tryant turns to his Carnfiex generals. "Brethern" he spoke in a raspy voice " our enemies draw near, consume them for the glory of the Hivemind. Mcclay, you are to have the honor of going in first. Clear the lessers off this world." Mcclay grunted his assent and lead his squad into a wating drop shit and onto the planet. (( Trynids:http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Tyranid, Necrons (non steampunk variant) http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Necron))
Heh, thanks for the links, but they won't be needed. You think I'd add something that big into story without doing my homework first? ;)
The Steam-Flayer Guns should definitely be interesting...
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 24, 2012, 10:28:05 pm
Steam orbital drop pods fall from the sky and crash into the ground. Clockpunk Space Marines emerge from the drop pods and fight against the steam-necrons and DZA.
Also:
DZA: Get the hell out of there.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 24, 2012, 10:34:50 pm
> "FOR THE EMPEROR!"Also they are My Little Space Marines (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=68850.msg2926096#msg2926096)
Steam orbital drop pods fall from the sky and crash into the ground. Clockpunk Space Marines emerge from the drop pods and fight against the steam-necrons and DZA.
Also:
DZA: Get the hell out of there.
Post by: mcclay on January 24, 2012, 10:35:25 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 24, 2012, 10:52:49 pm
Just unsure whether or not it should be musical as well...
Post by: Powder Miner on January 24, 2012, 11:05:47 pm
Post by: agertor on January 25, 2012, 12:09:24 am
Post by: mcclay on January 25, 2012, 12:26:44 am
Attempt to kidnap one of your adoring fans, maybe they will come in handy as a shield, the meat shield before worked quite well. However much to your dismay they begin trying to lick your chest a bit too sensually.However it is a girl and you are pretty turned on by it and creeped out.
Post by: Powder Miner on January 25, 2012, 12:37:10 am
Post by: mcclay on January 25, 2012, 12:43:54 am
Post by: King DZA on January 25, 2012, 12:52:06 am
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 25, 2012, 10:07:06 am
The banhammer falls through the portal and crushes her pre-emptively.Attempt to kidnap one of your adoring fans, maybe they will come in handy as a shield, the meat shield before worked quite well. However much to your dismay they begin trying to lick your chest a bit too sensually.However it is a girl and you are pretty turned on by it and creeped out.
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 25, 2012, 10:08:20 am
THIS OH SO MUCH.The banhammer falls through the portal and crushes her pre-emptively.Attempt to kidnap one of your adoring fans, maybe they will come in handy as a shield, the meat shield before worked quite well. However much to your dismay they begin trying to lick your chest a bit too sensually.However it is a girl and you are pretty turned on by it and creeped out.
...we need more fourth wall antics.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 25, 2012, 11:04:50 am
>Then, the right hand man of the toad-man appears.
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 25, 2012, 11:15:43 am
it is...
it is...
holy crap! it is scamps! he was watching all along!
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 25, 2012, 11:16:28 am
Post by: King DZA on January 25, 2012, 02:28:37 pm
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 25, 2012, 04:28:50 pm
Hmph, tempted to make it 6.
For now, lets just say an 'eccentric' Dwarf shows up, asking for eyeballs and the general direction the OMINOUS EXPLOSIONS are coming from. As it turns out, from a mysterious jade portal...
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 26, 2012, 03:13:26 am
Post by: King DZA on January 27, 2012, 08:43:56 pm
> Determine your location in the universe.
> Get the hell out of here as fast as possible.
Fan head: inspect the surroundings and start grinding (as in eating) some cat meat with your fan head
While trying to think of an appropriate answer to give the jolly man, I am interrupted by the unpleasant sound of grinding bone and flesh. I turn to see that the monstrosity has begun picking up random cat corpses that have been scattered about as a result of the shockwave, and dropping them into his fan head thing. Apparently it also serves as a mouth.
Strange. Despite its lack of eyes, it seems that it can also tell that it is currently on a large street, lined with medium to tall buildings. And despite its lack of ears, can tell that there are quite a lot of people around, looking out of windows and crowding the street from all sides.
>Miner: Hide from the crowd by digging a hole in the ground.
The miner suddenly begins to swing his pick at the asphalt street. Creating a decent sized hole after only a few strikes. Man, he's good at this. Soon, he breaks through to the sewers. Falling down, he makes a large splash in the rushing sewage below. I look into the hole, searching for any sign of the miner. Yet it is so far down, the only thing I can distinguish is the faint glistening of the sewage water in the sunlight.
"Will he be OK?", asks the jolly man. "The current will only bring him deeper into the sewers, where he's sure to run into the Steampunk Necrons. And I can assure you, they are not very welcoming to visitors."
"It's alright, he knows what he's doing...probably.", I tell the jolly man.
Also: See a mysterious man in a golden cloak who melts into the ground the moment you try to approach him.
As the jolly man leads me and my remaining companions through the crowd, I spot a very peculiar man in front of all the others. He wears a cloak of gold. And, unlike the rest of the festival goers, he doesn't shout or cheer. Just stands silently and watches.
Curious about this peculiar cloaked man, I attempt to reach out and talk to him. But the instant our eyes lock, he melts away into the floor, leaving not a trace behind.
Some where under the city: A hiss of steam flows from the tomb as a Necron Tomblord steps out. He shakes himself off before summoning his advisors."Where the bloody hell am I? And why do it has geas and stem coming out of me. Oh well, raise the army, we shall harvest the souls of the living. Make sure my personal Doomsday Monlith Phlanx is ready
High above the planet: A Hive Tryant turns to his Carnfiex generals. "Brethern" he spoke in a raspy voice " our enemies draw near, consume them for the glory of the Hivemind. Mcclay, you are to have the honor of going in first. Clear the lessers off this world." Mcclay grunted his assent and lead his squad into a wating drop shit and onto the planet. (( Trynids:http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Tyranid, Necrons (non steampunk variant) http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Necron))
As the sun descends, me and my comrades are brought to a gourmet restaurant. One of the best in the city. Where we are told to order whatever we like, free of charge.
As the hours pass, our table becomes covered in maps of the city, books on the history of the Tyranids and Necrons, and stacks of plates that once held meals of exquisite quality. It was nice to have something good to eat, especially considering I can't remember the last time I ate anything at all.
My comrades chatter back and forth, while I sit quietly, still unsure about how we will manage to stop both of these terrors from tearing this city apart.
Then, a rumbling is heard, coming from below. Shaking the very floor of the restaurant, and causing the plates and utensils to violently clank and clatter. After a while, it dies down, and everyone returns to their food. Unsettling sounds have been heard coming from the hive fleet in the distance for the last couple of hours as well. Despite no one in the city wanting to talk about it, the two forces are readying for their assault. And when it happens, it will be a miracle if anyone other than them is around to see the next day.
> Determine your location in the universe.
> Get the hell out of here as fast as possible.
> "FOR THE EMPEROR!"Also they are My Little Space Marines (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=68850.msg2926096#msg2926096)
Steam orbital drop pods fall from the sky and crash into the ground. Clockpunk Space Marines emerge from the drop pods and fight against the steam-necrons and DZA.
Also:
DZA: Get the hell out of there.
As our time at the restaurant draws to a close, loud crashes can be heard throughout the city.
High above, a wave of steam-powered drop pods make their way to the surface of the planet. The hive fleet, apparently not taking kindly to having their assault plans interrupted, attempt to intercept them. They do an admirable job, but due to being caught by surprise, a few manage to slip through anyway, and land scattered across the city. Carrying within them squads of some of the most battle-hardened, morally correct space marines on this side of the universe.
As the restaurant gets ready to close, I decide to speak with my companions about our situation:
"I think we should leave.", I somberly announce to the rest of my group.
"What do you mean?", asks Morul, as he and the others turn their attention toward me.
"From what I can tell, even one of these forces would be more than a match for our combined strength. We're going to be going fighting off both of them simultaneously.", I say.
"So what?", says the kobold prince, hopping out of the booster seat the restaurant provided. "We're heroes!"
"These people are counting on us to help them. They've shown us nothing but kindness, they even threw a festival for our arrival, and now you're suggesting we abandon them?", says Tholtig, with a slight tone of anger in her voice.
"Technically, the festival was for me", I respond. "And It's not like I don't want to help them. But at this point, I'm just not sure whether it's possible."
"Do what you wish, but I refuse to let everyone here die because the odds are not in our favor.", Tholtig says sternly, as she gets up from her seat. The other heroes say nothing, but by their expressions, I can tell they agree with her.
We are taken to a nearby luxury hotel to rest for a while. The assault will be upon us before long. Two are three hours if we are lucky. If I am going to leave, it will have to be soon...
THIS OH SO MUCH.The banhammer falls through the portal and crushes her pre-emptively.Attempt to kidnap one of your adoring fans, maybe they will come in handy as a shield, the meat shield before worked quite well. However much to your dismay they begin trying to lick your chest a bit too sensually.However it is a girl and you are pretty turned on by it and creeped out.
...we need more fourth wall antics.
As the others rest and prepare in their rooms, I quietly open the door to mine. Or at least attempt to. To my surprise, someone falls through the doorway as I begin to open it, making a loud thud on the ground. They must have been leaning against the door.
I wait for a moment, to see if anyone noticed the sound, before helping the person up. What's this? It appears to be the girl that threw her shirt at me upon my arrival to the city.
"What the hell are you doing here??", I angrily whisper. "I was, um, just wanted to make sure you were feeling alright before the battle!", she nervously responds. "Keep it down!", I tell her, doing my best not to yell.
Taking a second to think things out, I sigh, and figure there's no way I can leave her here now that she could tell everyone that she saw me sneaking out in the middle of the night. "I'm feeling fine, now come with me". "OK!!", she responds excitedly. "Quiet, goddamn it!", I say, before realizing just how loud my voice was. "Fuck, we have to hurry", I tell her, pulling her by her arm.
After making our way out of the hotel and running through the city for roughly an hour, we finally reach its edge. I guess she was more useful than I thought, as without her, it no doubt would have taken me far longer to navigate through the maze of roads and buildings. We take a moment to sit and rest as she starts to cuddle uncomfortably close. "You know, I'm actually your biggest fan. I'd do anything to help you", She says, smiling at me. "If you want, I could even- Banhammer out of fucking nowhere!
For a split second, a portal opens up before us. The strange hammer, once wielded by the toad man, flies through it, striking my(obsessively)adoring fan in the head, brutally crushing her skull! "Eww! I got brain all over me...", I say, scooting away from corpse of my self-proclaimed biggest fan.
>The hybrid takes out a banhammer and prepares to fight.
>Then, the right hand man of the toad-man appears.
>suddenly one of the cats rise!Nearby, I begin to hear the sound of struggling and breaking branches. I then watch as the elf-dwarf hybrid falls out of a tall tree and crashes to the ground, before slowly getting up and dusting himself off. Hm, so that's where he's been.
it is...
it is...
holy crap! it is scamps! he was watching all along!
he runs over to the corpse of my once living fan, and pulls the strange hammer from the pile of gore that could once be considered a head. "careful with that thing", I tell him, as he struggles to lift the unbelievably heavy hammer and enter a combat stance. "What's got you so worked up?", I ask curiously, just as I catch a glimpse of something quickly running through the the darkness.
Seconds later, a small ball of fur pounces toward us at lightning fast speed. To my disbelief, the hybrid manages to muster up a good swing with the hammer, and whether due to skill or luck, hits the ball of fur from the air, sending it flying backwards.
The ball of fur lands on its feet, creating claw marks in the ground as it slides to a stop, before letting loose a menacing hiss at the hybrid. Oh, it's not just a ball of fur, it's a cat. But the only cat I know that could move that fast, is...*cue flashback*
standing closely beside the toad man, I see a...kitten? At least that one isn't in humanoid form.
...Son of a bitch.
For now, lets just say an 'eccentric' Dwarf shows up, asking for eyeballs and the general direction the OMINOUS EXPLOSIONS are coming from. As it turns out, from a mysterious jade portal...
Just as the cat prepares to pounce once more, a short, bearded fellow walks up to me, as if out of thin air, with a strange request. For one reason or another, it seems he would like to know if we had any of the optic vision spheres, commonly referred to as eyeballs, to spare. While the others are distracted by the strange little figure, I sift through what remains of my fan's head to find a pair of badly damaged, but still recognizable, eyeballs. I then walk over and gift them to the little bearded one.
After giving me a thankful nod, he has yet another odd inquiry, and begins to ask if I could point him in the direction of the ominous explosions. Assuming the assault must have started, I point him in the general direction of the more civilized part the city. He then happily wanders off out of sight. Though, now that I think about it, I suppose he could have been talking about the ominous explosions coming from the mysterious jade portal that opened up a few feet away just seconds ago...Nah.
So here I am, on the outskirts of the city, with my only company being the dwarf-elf hybrid, the corpse of my self-proclaimed biggest fan, and a rather pissed off kitten. I should be safe from the Necron/Tyranid assault out here, at least for the time being. But deserting my companions, along an entire city of people who trusted and believed in me definitely wasn't a very badass thing to do. In fact, it makes me feel particularly shitty. Oh well, no one ever said the life of an adventurer was an easy one. What to do now....
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Great.
Location: Outskirts of the city.
Inventory: Pocket lint.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 27, 2012, 08:59:32 pm
>Catch a glimpse of the hood man again, but again he dissapears
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 27, 2012, 09:38:43 pm
Post by: dreadmullet on January 27, 2012, 11:17:00 pm
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 28, 2012, 03:49:28 am
> Cthulhu (who may or may not be the user in this forum): Rise from a pool with Flesh Liberator on hand, and perform a Big Damn Heroes event. Hand Fleshy to DZA afterwards, after being threatened by the gold-cloak wearing person.
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 28, 2012, 08:38:00 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 28, 2012, 12:05:50 pm
Raptor: catch a glimpse of it flying towards the tyrannid hivemind while hissing 'me... Hungry'
Post by: Phantom of The Library on January 28, 2012, 04:58:57 pm
> Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones: Arise from f**king nowhere, and surround DZA and his entourage.Cthulhu being the one being threatened not DZA.
> Cthulhu (who may or may not be the user in this forum): Rise from a pool with Flesh Liberator on hand, and perform a Big Damn Heroes event. Hand Fleshy to DZA afterwards, after being threatened by the gold-cloak wearing person.
Also the threatening is done by a mysterious and very scary stare. No words are spoken before he disappears again.
Post by: agertor on January 28, 2012, 11:01:30 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on January 28, 2012, 11:10:11 pm
Post by: King DZA on January 30, 2012, 11:26:44 pm
>Use the nearby pool of reflective water to re-summon Flesh Liberator.
>Catch a glimpse of the hood man again, but again he dissapears
As the hybrid does battle with the kitten(and by battle, I mean gets covered in scratch marks as he swings the strange hammer around in an attempt to smash it), I notice the moonlight reflecting off of a pond not too far away. As I get closer, I see that the water is almost completely motionless, and incredibly reflective as well. Almost like...A mirror.
I carefully dip my hand into the pond, doing my best to disturb the water as little as possible. I slowly feel around for a bit, still unsure whether or not this will even work, before sliding my finger across something incredibly sharp. As the faint red tint of my blood spreads through the water, I ease the object out of the pond. And as the glow of its engravings illuminate the fading darkness, I am certain that I'm once again in possession of my trusty spearsword. Flesh Liberator obtained!
Just before pulling the last few inches of Flesh Liberator from the pond, I see the reflection of the peculiar golden cloaked man from the festival, standing behind me. Startled, I quickly look over my shoulder only to see nothing there, turning back toward the pond, his reflection is gone as well. Lovely, as if I didn't have enough to worry about, now I'm being stalked by a mysterious stranger with a wondrous fashion sense.
>Wait...what happened to the....raptor?
Says a random thought in my head. That's a good question. I look over at the hybrid, and decide to ask him if he's seen any sign of the thing. "Aye, hybrid dude! You seen that one suit wearing, fan headed dinosaur thing walking around anywhere?", I shout at the hybrid. Unfortunately, he seems too distracted by his highly comical Tom-and-Jerry-esque fight with the kitten to pay any mind to my inquiry.
> Suddenly, Flesh Liberator drags you into the water with it, and everything turns black.
In that moment, I realize I've yet to completely lift Flesh Liberator from the pond. Oops. As I attempt remove the last couple inches of the spearsword from the water, I'm surprised to feel something tugging against me. The hell...
The greater the force I lift with, the stronger the force pulling it back in becomes. Suddenly, Flesh Liberator is abruptly yanked down below the water's surface, taking me with it. The instant my head goes beneath the water, I blackout, unable to catch a glimpse of whatever it was responsible for Flesh Liberator's strange behavior.
> Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones: Arise from f**king nowhere, and surround DZA and his entourage.
> Cthulhu (who may or may not be the user in this forum): Rise from a pool with Flesh Liberator on hand, and perform a Big Damn Heroes event. Hand Fleshy to DZA afterwards, after being threatened by the gold-cloak wearing person.
Just then, Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones out of fucking nowhere! Razor sharp metal claws pierce upward through the ground, as horrid mechanical beings, clad in the flesh of fallen opponents, rise from the earth, encircling the entire area. The kitten and the hybrid cease their fighting, and watch as they are quickly surrounded by the technological monstrosities.
As the Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones close in, the once still pond water begins to vibrate. Subtly, at first. But it soon erupts into a violent fit of splashing and bubbling. The Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones turn their attention away from their prey for a brief moment to gaze upon the pond. For reasons unknown, an ancient, colossal creature, the likes of which has long laid dormant within the watery depths, awakes and arises from the pond. With Flesh Liberator in hand, no less.
The ancient creature stares down at the Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones, who make the grave mistake of looking directly into its eyes. In moments, the very core of their being is consumed by pure insanity, indescribable in any known human language. The Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones, losing all sense of motive, direction, and consistent thought, fall to the ground. Unable to do anything other than twitch around and mumble gibberish to themselves.
Then, with a single wretched, maddening screech, the ancient creature summons a horde of other eldritch beings from the pond's depths. Though similar in appearance, they are far lesser in size. The eldritch horde spread their dripping, dragon-like wings and take flight, heading in the direction of the city.
The golden cloaked man then appears before the massive pond dweller, and, like the Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones, looks directly into its eyes. Unlike the Steampunk Necron Flayed Ones, however, instead of being driven to absolute insanity, he seems to strike fear into the creature. It sifts through the pond, and lifts me from the water, before setting me down on solid ground and setting Flesh Liberator beside me. It then descends into the pond once more, trying to escape the gaze of the golden cloaked man as quickly as possible.
As I lay there coughing up fluid, I catch another glimpse of the golden cloaked man, but lose sight of him as I struggle to maintain consciousness. Damn.
>Command the heroes to evacuate all of the citizens. That way, we can high tail it, defend the citizens and not completely die.
Suddenly, it becomes much less of a hassle to breath, and I find myself looking down at my own body. Shit, did I die? Wait, nope, I can sense that my body still has a pulse. Guess this is just one of those out-of-body, near death experiences.
If this is anything like a traditional near death experience, chances are I'm going to have to learn some sort of life lesson before I can re-enter my body again, and seeing as I just recently abandoned my friends and allies, while also leaving an entire city to die solely for the purpose of self preservation, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say my lesson is probably related to that.
I speed on over to the city to find quite scene awaiting me. As the sun rises, the heroes of Dwarf Fortress stand ready in the city center. Streets are deserted, nearly every door and window locked, with only a few worried citizens brave enough to peek out from their windows to watch the imminent battle. As the first wave of the Tyranid assault is seen dropping down into the city, I disguise my influence as the heroes' own thoughts, and after much inner conflict I am finally able to convince them give up their "Heroic last stand" strategy, and go with the more practical "Get everyone the fuck out of there" strategy, instead.
While the kobold prince runs to the jolly man's office to get an evacuation alert sounded, the other heroes spread out and hastily begin rounding up citizens, fearing they may not be enough time to get everyone organized.
In another part of the city, the eldritch horde unleashed by the ancient creature has begun harassing the Tyranid Hive Fleet, while also engaging the Tyranids that have already landed in the city. While not nearly as powerful as their summoner, the horde is a formidable opponent, and will buy the heroes a good chunk of time.
THREETOE APPEARS!!!
Raptor: catch a glimpse of it flying towards the tyrannid hivemind while hissing 'me... Hungry'
The evacuation alert is sounded, it won't be long before they have most of the citizens at a safe distance from the city. I watch, feeling proud of my mind-negotiating abilities, and before I know it, I find myself sucked back into my own body. As I take a sudden gasp for air, I think about the life lesson I've learned during my near death experience:
deserting the people that help you is a dick move. And thus, I should try to avoid doing so in the future. Life lesson learned!
Happy to be alive, I look up to see a rather large, furry fellow standing before me. Funny, he almost looks like a large...guinea...pig. Damn it.
I am then abruptly distracted from my very-likely-soon-to-be-unfortunate situation by a familiar sound far off in the distance. I look to the sky and see none other but my favorite scaly, suit wearing abomination of nature. I am still not very fluent in Dinosaur(or Whirling Metal Blade, for that matter), but it seems to be hissing about something to do with its appetite. Well that's not very helpful.
The sky begins to turn dark, and a random portal opens up and a guy with one sock on his foot and a sock on his hand is running around seeming to talk to himself while all sorts of weapons of all kinds begin to follow him almost as if they were thrown. Somehow he manages to dodge all the weapons by simply running around with the landing harmlessly in the dirt around him. He screams at the top of his lungs, "Oh god, wrong story!" He begins to somersault a couple of times before flailing on the ground in a weird worm like motion.
I turn my attention back toward the guinea pig man, only to be distracted again by a sudden and foreboding change in weather. The bright, early morning sky darkens, before being blotted out completely by a mass of black, swirling clouds. A portal opens up in the center of the swirling cloud mass, and a very odd looking person tumbles wildly to the ground. He seems to be almost completely unphased by his collision with the planet's surface as he gets up and immediately begins to run around, effectively avoiding the volley of weaponry that apparently followed him though the portal.
He starts screaming something about being in the "wrong story", and after a brief display of amateur acrobatics, gets on the floor and begins to squirm and writhe around. Well this has definitely been a unique experience. I would attempt to help the man up, but I'm getting a feeling that he's not too mentally stable at the moment. That, and I'm fairly certain that sock puppet of his is giving me a dirty look.
>Miner: Roll a boulder you dug out over some Necrons.
Far beneath the city surface, the miner has been tirelessly at work creating very special surprise for the Steampunk Necron army. As they make their way toward the surface, the miner patiently waits for the perfect moment. As they reach a certain point, the miner jumps into action. He pushes an absolutely monstrous boulder down a specially carved out ramp, sending it rolling toward the Necron legions. While hardly making a dent in their numbers, it does force several of them to phase out and await repair. The Tomblord being one of them. bringing both favorable, and unfavorable effects.
On one hand, without commands from their leader, the progress the rest of the Steampunk Necron army is halted. On the other, many of the Steampunk Necrons are now staring up the rampway at the miner responsible for the surprise attack, and they're not looking too cheerful.
So, I'm standing on the outskirts of the city, as I, the hybrid, the kitten and the guinea pig man watch some strange, portal traversing man worm around in the grass. With luck, the heroes should get most of the city dwellers evacuated in time. Now what comes next...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Great.
Location: Outskirts of the city.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Flesh Liberator.
Spoiler: Note (click to show/hide)
Post by: agertor on January 30, 2012, 11:43:41 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on January 31, 2012, 12:03:51 am
Post by: dreadmullet on January 31, 2012, 04:42:53 am
> ThreeToe hops on Scamps, which begins an epic chase scene.
Post by: Trapezohedron on January 31, 2012, 07:06:08 am
> This suit (http://district9.wikia.com/wiki/Bio-suit): Appear out of f**king nowhere.
Post by: raptorfangamer on January 31, 2012, 01:15:42 pm
Raptor: chase dza in ethereal form, tell him you lost your body, the flesh liberator Belongs to toady, and that he will make business with you if you find his body
Post by: Loud Whispers on January 31, 2012, 01:27:18 pm
Oh yeah, and a massive gaping plot hole conveniently appears.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on January 31, 2012, 02:35:09 pm
Post by: King DZA on February 05, 2012, 02:51:16 am
The sock puppet man suddenly gets up and runs at you. "Let me lick you!" He then, so long as he gets to you, tries to take your arm and lick your arm before spitting on the ground. "You taste like dirt! I'm going to call you dirt man!" Then he begins talking to himself in a different voice. "No no... noo, it isn't right, we can not simply allow this to go on." He then attempts to sit on the ground scooting close to your leg and give it a hug. "I like cookies" Standing back up, he yells out now. "High five" You should probably leave him hanging. Though he continues to follow you. He seems to be a good dodger at least.
"How unpleasant...", I think to myself, too occupied with wiping the fresh saliva off my arm to high-five the strange man. I attempt to slowly distance myself from him, but for every step away I take, he takes a step closer. After about 3 minutes of walking backwards, I eventually back into a tree, and accept that I've gained a new companion, whether I like it or not.
>Miner: Oh god run
Deep below the earth, after a brief moment of awkwardly staring at the now rather offended Steampunk Necrons, the miner decides that the best course of action would be to exit his immediate vicinity as quickly as humanly possible, and begins to bolt through the vast underground sewer system, shortly followed by his new steam-powered enemies.
Fortunately for him, an untold amount of time spent working in dark mines and caves has made him exceptionally skilled at navigating subterranean areas such as this, Allowing him to keep a reasonably safe distance from his pursuers.
> Offer the insane man your pocket lint, and then use him as a mount, trying to make your way out of the city.
> ThreeToe hops on Scamps, which begins an epic chase scene.
Figuring my work in this place is done, I conclude it is best that I make a grand exit and move on. And what better way to make a grand exit than on the back of a loyal mount? However, seeing as there aren't any white steeds or suitable mythical creatures around, I concede that something slightly less conventional will have to suffice.
I search around the various compartments of my pants, and pull out the pocket lint that has been with me on my adventure since the very beginning. After a short flashback of all the good times we've shared, I turn to the strange man. "Want it?" I ask my new, sock puppet wearing companion. He doesn't respond, yet seems entranced by the small bits of lint formed in the depths of my pockets. I drop the pocket lint, and it lightly drifts to the ground, while the sock puppet man watches it fall through the air with unbridled fascination.
As soon as it touches down onto the grass, he immediately gets on all fours to pick it up. I take this opportunity and hop onto his back, successfully mounting my companion! After bucking around a bit, I manage to calm him down, I then thrust Flesh Liberator into the air, and shout "ONWARD!" as a lightning bolt illuminates the sky. A classic feat of badassery.
The sock puppet man gallops away from the city at a surprising speed, kicking up dirt and grass as I begin to severely regret my decision to do this without finding a saddle for him first.
Witnessing my attempted getaway, the guinea pig man mounts the kitten(who not only remains uncrushed by all the extra weight, but is actually capable of carrying the guinea pig man with only minor strain), And starts to pursue me and my companion.
Music, because no epic chase scene is complete without it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiVb0xOwRsc)
As we get farther and farther from the city, the woods begin to thicken, making it harder to tell exactly where we're headed. Luckily, the sock puppet man's excellent dodging abilities allow him to swiftly move through the heavily forested region like a nimble cat. Unluckily, the kitten that the guinea pig man rides is able to move through the trees with an equal level of swiftness, on account of actually being a nimble cat.
As we dash through the woods, I notice that the guinea pig man and his kitten have managed to catch up, and are now riding beside us only a few feet away. I don't know if I'd be able to strike him through the trees with Flesh Liberator, but it's worth a shot. I look ahead for a moment to ensure we aren't going to run into anything, before getting ready to skewer the oversized rodent. However, upon looking back at his last known location, I find that the guinea pig man is nowhere to be seen.
Feeling a slight sense of both worry and confusion, I turn my attention back to focusing on getting through the forest. Suddenly, the trees start to clear, and I can start to tell just where it is we're going. Much to my discontent, It turns out we will be going over the edge of an immense cliffside if we do not greatly slow our pace within the next fifteen or so seconds. And if that wasn't bad enough, it would seem the guinea pig man and his furry little mount somehow beat us here, and are now patiently waiting with front row seats to our demise.
"Easy, boy! Easy!", I say, pulling on the collar of sock puppet man's shirt. He anchors himself by digging his toes and fingers into the ground, effectively slowing to a stop only seconds away from going over the cliff's precipice.
> DZA: Realize that high-tailing it alone is cowardly, and return to your friends and save them.
> This suit (http://district9.wikia.com/wiki/Bio-suit): Appear out of f**king nowhere.
The guinea pig man glares at us, presumably irritated by our avoidance of plummeting to our doom. Not sure about what else to do, I offer an equally fearsome glare in the hopes that he might feel threatened enough to leave us be.
Just then, our glare-off is interrupted by a massive rumbling coming from under the earth. Similar to the one experienced while at the restaurant, except much, much stronger.
Music, to continue the flow of epic. (http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=hwmTCIHPRsM)
Back at the city, the heroes have organized the citizens, and are in the process of leading them out of the soon-to-be-deathtrap. The miner, barely managing to escape the clutches of the Steampunk Necrons, was able to make his way out of the sewers and onto the surface. The only problem is, so did his pursuers. The miner runs toward the crowd, waving his arms around. The heroes look back at him, wondering what the hell he's doing. He seems to be yelling something, but he's too far away to be clearly understood.
Then, the ground begins to crack, and a huge chasm opens up in the middle of the street. Despite a few close calls, the miner outruns the widening chasm, and meets up with the heroes. Exhausted, he starts rambling something about Necrons, sewers, and boulders. Thick clouds of steam flow out from the chasm, and the heroes' hearts sink as they see what begins to emerge...
It doesn't take long for me to deduce exactly what must be happening. The Necron assault has begun. The population of the city measures in the millions, there's no way that the heroes would have been able to get everyone evacuated in that time. Damn it, I should have stayed to help...
I hang my head in guilt, before looking up at the guinea pig man. "Listen, as much as I would love to have some epic final battle with you near the cliff edge, there are other things that require my attention at the moment. My fri-" The guinea pig man raises his hand, as if telling me to stop, then points in the general direction of the city. After giving the guinea pig man a thankful nod, I steer the sock puppet man toward the forest, and begin my steadfast ride back to the city, while listening to him have an intriguing conversation with himself that seems to switch between the subject of quantum physics and baking.
I once again arrive the very outskirts of the city, yet find that the sock puppet man is too worn out to continue on. I dismount him, and watch as he curls up and has his sock puppet sing him a lullaby until he falls asleep. The really scary thing is, it appeared that his sock puppet was still conscious even after he passed out. Looks like I'm on my own for now.
I make my way into the city as fast as I can. It isn't too hard to find the crowd of citizens, but something isn't right...Everyone is so quiet. Some faint whispers can be heard going back and forth as I walk though the mass of people, while some look at me and smile with joy, but it doesn't last long before their expression quickly reverts back to one of dread. Once I finally make it through to the other end of the crowd, I find the heroes standing motionless, staring into the fog-like steam that has spread over the surrounding area of the chasm.
I try to get their attention, but they refuse to take their sight off the ominous steam fog, or even speak to me. At first I was thinking that they were just pissed at me for leaving, but I'm not quite sure that's the case anymore. Looking into their eyes, I can see the faintest glint of fear. They also appear to be dripping with sweat(except the kobold prince, who instead stands there softly panting), though I am unsure whether that is because of all the steam, or because what is awaiting within it.
It would take a truly menacing force to put the heroes of Dwarf Fortress into a state of such speechlessness. Taking a couple steps forward, I look closely the thick fog of steam, and am startled to see countless glowing emerald eyes gazing back at me. The only explanations for why they're not currently going on a rampage that I can think of, are because they either have not finished mobilizing their army on the surface, or they have yet to receive direct orders to do so, but that doesn't matter now. Heart racing, I slowly step back, and do my best not to look fearful or act suspicious.
Keeping my eyes on the hardly visible Steampunk Necrons, I try speaking with the heroes once more:
"I have a plan. I need you all to pay attention, and do exactly what I say. Do you understand?", I say, just loud enough for the heroes to hear me.
They glance at me for just a moment, but say nothing.
"In roughly six minutes, I am going to walk into that steam cloud. As soon as I am finished speaking, I need each of you to turn around, and without panicking anyone, lead everyone as far away from here as possible. I don't know where, just make sure it is nowhere near here.", I tell them, in the calmest voice I can muster.
Tholtig turns toward me and tries to say something, but stops upon seeing seriousness in my expression.
"Trust me.", I say reassuringly.
The heroes look at each other, before reluctantly walking away. I dare not turn my back on the Necron legions, but I can hear the footsteps of the heroes shortly joined by members of the crowd. Slowly, the sound of the footsteps becomes more and more distant, I then carefully make my way through the steam, the emerald eyes becoming more distinguishable with every step...
Pawnch necrons until you hear croacking.
Raptor: chase dza in ethereal form, tell him you lost your body, the flesh liberator Belongs to toady, and that he will make business with you if you find his body
Surprisingly, the Steampunk Necrons step aside, and I continue walking, at least until almost losing my footing and taking a nasty fall into the chasm. I turn around, and notice that a pair of the glowing emerald eyes appears to be approaching me at an uncomfortable speed. Now only a couple feet away, I realize one of the Steampunk Necrons are charging at me. Robotic bastard must be trying to knock me into the chasm. In a split second reaction, I clench my fist and punch the Necron in the head, sending it sailing off in an arc! Holy shit, this exosuit really hel- Wait, wait, wait. When the hell did I get into this thing? Well, at least that explains why the Steampunk Necrons seemed so much shorter.
Apparently not very fond of having their heads punched off, the rest of the Steampunk Necrons begin to fire off their Steam-Flayer Guns, while the Doomsday Monolith phalanx is moved into position. Steampunk Necrons begin phasing out left and right as I wreak havoc on their forces by devastating any that get in arms reach of me(Because, while I could use some of the the high-tech ranged weaponry included on the exosuit, beating the shit out them with my bare robotic hands is so much more fun), while avoiding Steam Flayer arcs to the best of my ability.
In time, their numbers start noticeably thinning, as I manage to start destroying them faster than they can return. The exosuit has taken minor damage, but is still going strong. Looks like there's actually a chance I might win this fight. But what's that thing that keeps following me around?
I am distracted from my Steampunk Necron beatdown by a strange, etheric being that won't seem to leave me alone. After I finish tearing one of the Steampunk Necrons in half, I take a small break to see what the etheric being wants.
He goes on to tell me that he has somehow lost possession of his physical body, which just so happens to be that of the cat eating, fan-headed abomination. He also has the nerve to tell me that the toad man is the rightful owner of Flesh Liberator, and that he will work with me if I am able to find this lost body.
Taking in everything he has told me, I think up a suitable response to give the etheric being. But before I can say anything, the exosuit suffers from a catastrophic system failure, due to the Steam Obliterator that has just been fired at me from the Doomsday Monolith.
>Jump through one of the massive gaping plot holes to avoid total destruction!
Oh yeah, and a massive gaping plot hole conveniently appears.
The exosuit(or at least what's left of it)falls over, and the control chamber opens up, allowing me to crawl out. While I'm overcome with immense pain, the remaining Steampunk Necrons begin to gather, and my chances of being totally destroyed within the next thirty seconds skyrocket. And as I lay there retching on the cracked and broken street, with several Steam Flayer Guns pointed in my direction, ready to fire at pointblank range, I can't help but smile. The heroes and the evacuated citizens should be long gone by now. And I've done enough damage to the Steampunk Necron army to stop them from going after them for quite a while. I may not survive this, but at least I can die redeemed.
Suddenly, the Steampunk Necrons turn their attention away from me, and begin shooting at something that I'm too busy writhing in agony to see. The sound of Boltgun fire is heard off in the distance, and as I struggle to lift myself off the ground, I find myself abruptly falling into a large whole that opens up directly below me and the exosuit wreckage.
Looking around, I now seem to be suspended in empty void of unexplainable nothingness. That wasn't just any hole I fell into. This type of hole can only come about as a result of some massive overlooked aspect of a story or plot, that fails to make any sense whatsoever. Sort of like single-handedly fighting off an entire Steampunk Necron army using an alien battle mech you spontaneously found yourself in, despite lacking both the knowledge and ability to even use said battle mech in the first place. Eh, at least it's safe in here.
>Summon my patron, the Burning Elf.
As I sit around floating in endless nothingness, something that's not nothing catches my eye. A tiny little spark hovers in front of me. I briefly wonder how it got here, and then decide to poke at it. Upon touching the small spark, it becomes unusually bright, and then starts to grow in size. Before long, I find myself looking at a flaming, humanoid creature with pointy ears, sitting in fetal position. The flaming figure straightens up, and introduces itself to me as the Burning Elf. Well it's certainly descriptive. Now then, I best think of what to do in this large, empty void. The boredom is almost as painful as my grievous injuries...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Massive plot hole.
Inventory: Nothing.
Post by: agertor on February 06, 2012, 02:28:34 am
Post by: dreadmullet on February 06, 2012, 03:03:13 am
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on February 06, 2012, 11:40:15 am
Post by: Vgray on February 06, 2012, 01:07:23 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on February 06, 2012, 01:19:18 pm
Post by: King DZA on February 06, 2012, 03:31:24 pm
The burning elf is immediately seen by a group of voidwalkers and Gilgamesh. (Anyone play FF here?)
Are those the games with the pretty cinematics and the guy with one wing? No, not at all. But if that's what those characters are from, I can just learn about it like I did with all the WH40K stuff.
Post by: Loud Whispers on February 06, 2012, 05:59:54 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Powder Miner on February 06, 2012, 06:50:35 pm
Post by: agertor on February 06, 2012, 08:21:14 pm
>walk through the plot hole.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
With this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhKe-Z-NhBs
Post by: Trapezohedron on February 06, 2012, 08:46:21 pm
Discover that the void is actually near the outer layers of The Fourth Wall, and attempt to communicate with the users here for a way out, or a way into another world. Or something.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on February 07, 2012, 01:22:37 pm
Post by: Vgray on February 07, 2012, 01:36:47 pm
Post by: King DZA on February 09, 2012, 12:31:52 am
Hang on. Are we talking about Warcraft Voidwalkers?
Due to the lack of a definite answer, I shall simply assume that said group is composed of every conceivable type of voidwalker in existence when I post the next update (hopefully)tomorrow.
Post by: raptorfangamer on February 09, 2012, 09:02:35 pm
You see a lonesome, ancient dwarf... Maybe 1000 years old, scribbling on the floor dead dwarves and menacing elephants, all of them with the words "boatmurdered"
You hear the sound of bronze and you Black out when you see an even older bronze clad dwarf appear
Fan head: "i have been working on a major weapons factory, usually with fan-based weaponry, toady wanted me to make him a lilypad... Flash freedommer as how you call it, a custom tailored retractable spearsword...
I still dont get how you cracked the code though.
Toady- the toad man -had a quite smart password: the desire of drugs and saying hastur thrice, then extending your hand into the mirror, I can give you a similar weapon, just find my body"
Post by: King DZA on February 10, 2012, 11:27:25 am
The sock puppet begins to chew on the insane man's arm as best as a sock puppet can until he wakes up. You can probably hear him scream out from where you left him. "Mr. Dirt Man! Where are you! I've got five fingers I swear!" He seems to have forgotten being a mount. Then the other voice comes out. "Come out and play with me!", quite a menacing tone at that. "I'm gonna blow up now." Maybe he just let out all of his insanity, but a massive explosion starts. The explosion is slow. As if time itself warps from it. However it still disintegrates everything it touches as it begins its creep over the city. You could probably throw your enemies into the insanity explosion. Its lulling light already very attractive. Some people even walk into it, being disintegrated.
As I sit suspended in the vast nothingness of the plot hole with the one known as the Burning Elf, I am distracted from doing nothing by the sound of something. A voice, a very familiar voice...
It's difficult to hear from inside the plot hole, but it sounded like it was talking about dirt and fingers, playing with someone, then something about blowing up. After that, all went silent. I wish I could see who it was, but I can't even find the way I fell into this place. Just lots and lots of nothing. Hopefully everyone's alright.
Eventually, Armok appears out of the void, and he is very surprised to see you there. After an exchange of words, you are challenged to an arm wrestling match.
I get back to doing nothing, before being interrupted by yet another voice. And this one I recognize all too well.
"D.Z.A.??" , I hear the thundering voice inquire.
"Armok...? What the hell are you doing here?", I ask, equally confused.
"Oh, I just came here to crash for a bit. My arena...Uh, kinda got destroyed..."
"Yeah, yeah. I saw that...", I respond.
"Yeeahh...Hey, you wanna arm wrestle?"
"As fun as that sounds, I'm kinda trying to deal with the crippling pain of my life threatening injuries at the moment...", I explain to Armok.
"Come on, it'll be epic!", says Armok, as an incredibly muscular, disembodied, skinless arm, dripping with blood places its elbow on a coffee table that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. "How did that coffee table...Oh, plot hole. Right", I say to myself.
"Alright, fine.", I say, placing my elbow on the table and gripping the hand of Armok. "Ugh, couldn't you have at least worn gloves or something?"
The Burning Elf comes over to referee our little arm wrestling match. "On the count of three. One...Two..."
The burning elf is immediately seen by a group of voidwalkers and Gilgamesh. (Anyone play FF here?)
After taking an unusually long amount of time to say three, I look over to see that our burning elven referee is fixated on something off in the distance. After getting closer, I realize that we are being approached by a large man in some rather flamboyant armor, carrying weaponry unlike any I've ever seen. Following shortly behind him is a group of beings who seem quite skilled at traversing large, endless voids as this. the Burning Elf abandons his referee position, and floats over toward the new visitors, I guess their business must be with him. Oh well, no reason to let this stop the arm wrestling match.
"I guess I'll count.", I tell Armok. "One...two..."
>A Dwarf with a staff in one hand, and a bucket of Magma in the other, suddenly falls from the sky into the plothole. "By Armok's holy blood. Where am I?"
Before I am able to get to three, I am again distracted by the sound of a voice. This voice clearly isn't saying anything though, just shouting frantically. I look up to see a bearded little man falling from above, directly over our location. The arm of Armok suddenly dissipates into the nothingness, And I quickly move out of the way as the little bearded man crashes onto the table, sending countless little wood chippings flying everywhere. Hm, he seems to have brought some items with him as well. A lovely looking staff, and a special bucket, containing a good amount of(amazingly unspilled)lava. Or is that magma...Yeah, I'm gonna go with magma.
After picking some of the table fragments from his beard, he curiously asks to know where he his. "Welcome to the plot hole!", I say in a friendly tone.
>A door in the wall opens up and the golden cloaked man appears, and speaks for the first time explaining to you how to escape and apologizing for not speaking before. His only power currently is the ability to be ominous beyond that which anyone else could ever be, Luckily his special ability changes every 24.7 hours, so it should be something usefull in a few minutes... maybe.
Just then, I turn around to see a large concrete wall, slowly drifting along. I'm certain that wasn't there a second ago. A portion of the wall begins to glow in the vague shape of a door, and from it emerges the golden cloaked man. For a massive plot hole of infinite nothingness, this place is starting to seem pretty crowded.
Much to my surprise, he actually speaks to me this time. He apologizes for his previously ominous ways, and hands me a map, explaining that it will lead me to the way out of here. He tells me that, despite currently only having the ability to be unimaginably ominous, in a matter of minutes his power will change, hopefully into something of greater usefulness. Well that's good to hear...I think.
>Miner: Dig out a bunker.
Outside of the plot hole, the miner, having split off from the rest of the crowd some time ago, quietly hides deep within a personal bunker he dug out for himself. Patiently waiting until life on the outside becomes slightly less apocalyptic.
>walk through the plot hole.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
With this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhKe-Z-NhBs
After thanking the golden cloaked man, I sneak off far into the nothingness in search of the exit. Opening up the map, I am displeased to see that it is merely a blank piece of paper with a small X drawn on it. I guess there isn't very much room for distinguishable landmarks with all the nothing around. Unfortunately, upon turning back, I find that the golden cloaked man, and everyone else for that matter, is nowhere to be seen.
Music, because why the fuck not. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhKe-Z-NhBs)
I wander through the plot hole for what seems like an eternity. Tired, bored, and completely lost. To make matters even worse, It becomes harder and harder for me to focus as images of the past begin to dance around in my head...
"Sorry, friends of blunt and blade. But today, I shall need a weapon of a different sort."
I reach into the depths of the mirror, and grab something pointy.
This isn't a mystical and mysterious mirror spear at all, it's a mystical and mysterious mirror spearsword! It has to be at least ten feet in length, and it makes a cool 'fwoosh' sound when I move it. Groovy.
Hmm, I remember...My first encounter with Flesh Liberator. I wonder where it is now...
"Come, Flesh liberator! Let us begin our quest for fortune!"
Eventually I build up a nice stock of all sorts of goodies taken from the drugmongerers. A considerable amount of weed, of varying quality. Rocks, loaded syringes, and a large variety of pills and tabs. Not to mention a nice roll of money after figuring I might as take that from the dealers as well.
Things were so much simpler back then...
The light slowly dies down, And I find myself standing directly across from a large, anthropomorphic toad. He doesn't say anything. He kind of...stands there, and stares at me.
And then he came along. The toad man...
He holds his hand outward, as if waiting for me to give him something.
"Yeah..No. You can't have Flesh Liberator".
The hammer-wielding, scorched toad man walks toward me slowly. In my slight panic, I notice that I seem to have a faint aura surrounding me.
It's difficult to see what's happening through the timespace distortion, but I see no sign of the toad man. After the laser rain ends, I look around to see a massive crater around me where there was once a good chunk of city. The toad man is nowhere to be seen, All I can find is his strange hammer, lying in the dirt and rubble.
And then shit really went downhill...
the bright light appears before me once again.
he then swiftly delivers a toad punch straight to my gut. Out of breath, and struggling not to fall over, I look up and see that the toad man has suddenly grown a full head of glowing, spiky blonde hair.
Flying several hundred feet away as a result of said kick, my velocity slows down as I begin to grind into the ground. Saiyan Toady flies to my location in a matter of seconds, lifts me by my throat, and ascends far into the sky, before hurling back toward the center of the crater.
as I struggle not to choke on my own blood, the aura around me dissipates.
He brings the spearsword down with incredible force, while I close my eyes and try not to think about how much this is going to suck...
Man, my body aches just thinking about that...
I'm more than just D.Z.A. I. AM. VENGEANCE!!"
I begin to look around the crater, and notice that it is entirely surrounded by armed soldiers. Thousands of them.
As the soldier's body hits the floor, his face-concealing helmet is knocked off. Hm, those are some pointy ears he's got the- wait, what the hell?!
You know, I think I am just now realizing how amazing it is I haven't died yet...
The last thing I remember seeing before closing my eyes is the kitten taking down a fighter jet, while the beard strangled several soldiers with its tendrils of hair, and the guinea pig man snatching the hammer and swinging it down in an attack that was likely directed at me.
After what feels like a good ten minutes of meditating, I open my eyes to find myself in a massive circular temple of some sort.
I still never quite figured out just what that temple for made for, or who it was made by, or where it even was...
Taking a small walk around the temple, it is clear that this place is ancient. If it wasn't for the masterful architecture, I wouldn't be surprised if it had crumbled into ruin long ago.
Along with Flesh Liberator, the long, faded red and black banners, and the massive fucking pillars, the only other things of interest seem to be the many large statues in between said pillars.
All of a sudden, I begin to hear the distant sound of something sizzling and bubbling.
Nevertheless, I will not ever forget the events that took place during my time there...
I begin to see a lot of thrashing and splashing about in the shallow magma pool below, followed by screams and roars of unspeakable horror.
The good news:
Flesh Liberator can now be easily removed from the broken obsidian. Which will at last allow me to summon the heroes of Dwarf Fortress.
The bad news:
The power concentrated in my eyebrows was so great, that I also created a crevice all the way down to the very bottom of hell. Which thedemonsclowns seem very thankful for as they once again begin to crawl their way up to the surface.
Luckily, one member of the hell horde becomes intrigued by the strange scent originating from some of them, and decides to pick them up off the floor and try them out.
Seeing as I now have a few moments of relief from the currently distracted clown horde, I can think of no better way to spend it other than diving directly through hell itself!
I am interrupted by the unpleasant sensation of a clown's claws slicing through my flesh, I then look over and notice two things:
1) The dismembered body of the drug-curious clown.
2) The clown who has just left some rather deep claw wounds in my upper arm.
I slowly reach my hand outward toward the clown horde. "Join me, my friends."
One by one, the clowns preform their respective ritual. Flesh Liberator growing stronger with each one completed.
Legends, from all across Dwarf Fortress, now stand before me, many with armor and weaponry of amazing quality.
"This is it, my friends. The next step in our adventure lies at the very bottom of hell itself"
No matter what happens, it. Will .Be. EPIC.
Overwhelmed with feelings of happiness, guilt, love, and hate, the bombardment of vivid memories stop. I sit there unsure whether I should be smiling with joy, or crying out of misery.
Walk around the nothingness, and hope to see someone with a keyblade.
Discover that the void is actually near the outer layers of The Fourth Wall, and attempt to communicate with the users here for a way out, or a way into another world. Or something.
While trying to compose myself, I almost don't see the strange, window-like hole in front of me. After a bit of examination, I notice several people on the other side of it, who appear to be watching me. I politely wave to the odd assortment of people. A few of them wave back, so at least I know they can see me. I wonder if this is the spot that the golden cloaked man was talking about...
Unfortunately, try as I might, I find myself unable to pass through the strange hole within the plot hole. However, maybe these people know of somewhere that I could get through. At this point, anything seems better than nothing.
Feel the floor, feel yourself away from there.
You see a lonesome, ancient dwarf... Maybe 1000 years old, scribbling on the floor dead dwarves and menacing elephants, all of them with the words "boatmurdered"
You hear the sound of bronze and you Black out when you see an even older bronze clad dwarf appear
Suddenly, I come up with a brilliant idea! Why spend all of this time looking around for a way out of the plot hole, when I could be feeling for a way out? I shut my eyes and attempt to guide myself by feeling around the floor instead. Who cares if there isn't any actual floor around? I won't let that stop me!
After feeling around the nothingness with my eyes closed for what seems like yet another long, tiring eternity, I actually start to feel something, cold and solid. I open my eyes and find myself in a room. The floors, walls and ceiling are made of concrete, every inch of which seem to be covered in etchings and scribbles. They all seem to follow a common theme of dead or dying dwarves, and some very mean looking elephants. Overlapping each of these little doodles is the word "boatmurdered". Well it looks like someone has a lot of free time on their hands.
After a quick glance around the room, I spot the artist responsible. A very old looking dwarf, scribbling away in a corner of the room. I approach him, and ask if he knows how I got in here, but he's too distracted by his artwork to pay attention to me.
At that moment, the clanking sound of metal armor is heard behind me. I turn to see another old dwarf, this one in a full suit of what I believe to be bronze armor. For one reason or another, less than a second after seeing the ancient armored dwarf, my mind goes completely blank, and I fall unconscious.
After an unknown period of time, I slowly start to regain consciousness, my vision is too blurry to see anything. I can, however, hear someone talking...
Fan head: "i have been working on a major weapons factory, usually with fan-based weaponry, toady wanted me to make him a lilypad... Flash freedommer as how you call it, a custom tailored retractable spearsword...
I still dont get how you cracked the code though.
Toady- the toad man -had a quite smart password: the desire of drugs and saying hastur thrice, then extending your hand into the mirror, I can give you a similar weapon, just find my body"
Interesting...
So, I once again find myself in a situation where I have no idea what the hell is going on. I really need to stop blacking out like that. On the bright side, I do feel a little more rested. As I struggle to focus my eyes, my vision begins to clear...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: ??
Inventory: Nothing.
Post by: Vgray on February 10, 2012, 12:43:30 pm
Because I want to see DZA kicking Dreadlord butt. And maybe Sargeras and Armok can arm-wrestle in the backround.
>The priest, for that is what he is, wobbles around and tries to regain balance. Amazingly the Magma in his bucket never spills.
Post by: raptorfangamer on February 10, 2012, 02:26:35 pm
Fan head: "thats my body! Run for it!"
Post by: dreadmullet on February 10, 2012, 07:10:06 pm
> Suddenly, a tidal wave of magma is approaching.
Post by: Trapezohedron on February 10, 2012, 09:12:49 pm
Loot his everything. Hidden blades, Nigh-impervious armor, and all that s**t.
Post by: Powder Miner on February 10, 2012, 09:25:15 pm
Post by: King DZA on February 15, 2012, 09:21:12 pm
>DZA and company end up on Xoroth, homeworld of the Nathrezim.
Because I want to see DZA kicking Dreadlord butt. And maybe Sargeras and Armok can arm-wrestle in the backround.
>The priest, for that is what he is, wobbles around and tries to regain balance. Amazingly the Magma in his bucket never spills.
Bronze dwarf tells you the story Of boatmurdered, then, you see an exit and the raptor's body running into an ancient flaming fortress named boatmurdered and the bronze dwarf tells you they were the last two, the ones who evaded death to the point Of not being able to die anymore.
The distortion of my vision finally starts to fade, and as my eyesight becomes clearer, I take a look at my surroundings. It would seem that I somehow managed to locate the exit out of the plot hole, as I find myself currently sitting only a couple feet away from it(well, floating, technically. But if there were any sort of stable ground in the vicinity, I can assure you that I would be sitting on it). It is at that moment that, without warning, the raptor...fan head...thing's body appears out of nowhere, leaps over me, and flies straight through the plot hole exit. The landscape on the other side of the exit doesn't look too welcoming, to say the least. I can't say for certain, but the raptor body seems to be headed toward a rather large mountainside far off in the distance. I wonder why...
I turn my gaze elsewhere, and am startled to see the bronze-clad dwarf standing before me(actually, I guess he's floating, too. But he does so in an upright position, so that's close enough). He notices that I am now awake, and immediately begins to speak. Skipping any greetings or pleasantries, he begins to weave a tragic tale of suffering, madness, and elephants. Lots, and lots, of elephants.
He goes on for several hours, as I quietly listen to the old dwarf's story with morbid intrigue. Finally, he lets out a deep sigh, before telling me that he, and the other dwarf I saw earlier in the concrete room, were the only two who survived the wretched place that his story told of. A place, now known only as Boatmurdered. They escaped their doomed fates, and are now forced to live far beyond their natural lifespans, tormented by horrid memories, their minds irreparably scarred from the trauma they endured there.
Fan head: "thats my body! Run for it!"
I hear a voice suddenly shout. Oh yeah, I probably should have gone after that thing when I saw it run off a couple hours ago. Oh well, better late than never! After a friendly goodbye to the bronze-clad dwarf, I hop through the exit, and am quite surprised to see that my plot hole companions have somehow already made their way out.
The two surviving dwarves of Boatmurdered(how the hell did they manage to get out before me...), the golden cloaked man, the Burning Elf, the strange man in flamboyant armor, I even hear Armok having a bit of casual conversation with the group of void traversing beings. However, I can't help but feel that we're missing someone...
Just then, the staff wielding dwarf that shattered our coffee table is spat out from the plot hole. Dizzy, and once again unsure about where he is, he gets up and stumbles around a little bit, yet still manages to keep all of the magma inside his bucket.
> You follow the raptor through the exit, finding yourself in a charred wasteland. Looking back, you can't see how you entered.
> Suddenly, a tidal wave of magma is approaching.
Upon paying closer attention to my new surroundings, it is evident that there must have been some sort of fire around here. The ground is scorched and littered with ash, charred, dead trees are scattered hither thither. Other than me, and my new mismatched group of acquaintances, there doesn't seem to be any other form of life in sight. Well, except for those flaming horses that are wandering around in the distance, but I'm doubtful as to whether they could really be considered "alive". Though I guess they would explain why everything around here is burnt.
I take a quick glance behind me to see if anything else has emerged from the plot hole, only to find that the plot hole exit I came through just moments ago is no longer there. I would argue that such an event makes little sense, but I know better by now.
Turning back toward the distant mountainside, I begin my journey to locate the the runaway suit wearing raptor body. You know, despite it's foreboding appearance and unpleasant stench, this place actually seems pretty calm. In fact, I don't see any reason why I should rush myself on this lovely stroll to the mountainside. I should take my time, enjoy the scenery, maybe I can find a gift shop on my way...Wait, why's everyone running past me? Suddenly, magma tidal wave out of fucking nowhere!
"Fuck, so much for a pleasant stroll through the scorched and lifeless wasteland...", I mutter to myself, as I run to catch up with the others. As we approach the mountainside, it quickly becomes clear that it wasn't just nature that played a role in shaping it. The upper portions of the mountain appear mostly untouched, but the base of it is, or at least was, home to something more than simple wildlife.
After getting a safe amount of space between us and the slow-moving magma wave, we speedily walk over to what I assume is the entrance. Thick clouds of black smoke pour out from mountain hall, and judging by the crackling sound and the faint red-orange glow coming from deep within, I'd say the fire that this smoke is originating from is still going strong. If the fan head thing's body did wander off into there, I don't see how it would be possible for it to survive. Then again, I don't even how it would be possible for it to survive under normal circumstances, so I guess I should at least check. Besides, with that creeping mass of molten magma making its way over, it's not like we have much of a choice anyway.
Discover a time and location displaced corpse Ezio Auditore, a bit to your left.
Loot his everything. Hidden blades, Nigh-impervious armor, and all that s**t.
Eyes watering from all the smoke, I stealthily step into the mountain hall, hoping that the runaway body decided for some reason to stay close to the entrance. Just then, my flow of stealthiness is broken when I accidentally trip over the leg of a dashingly dressed corpse(A tad embarrassing, considering I could have avoided it by walking just a bit to the right). At least, I think it's a corpse. Maybe I should lift up the hood a bit to see if...Oh. Oh god. Yeah...He's dead alright.
As saddening a moment as this is, it would be even more saddening if all of his exquisite gear went to waste, and I cannot in good conscience allow that to happen.
After spending a fair amount of time switching equipment with the corpse(and by switching, I mean taking all of it's stuff and tossing my worn out clothes onto it) between heavy coughing fits(hanging around in such thick smoke for so long probably isn't healthy), I finally succeed in getting all of the clothes on, and goddamn do I look snazzy! The outfit even came with an impressive array of neat items and weaponry. And here I was thinking it was impossible for me to get any better looking.
Gazing down at the now nude corpse, I can tell that this is what he would have wanted.
>Miner: Accidentally dig into the plot hole
Meanwhile, The miner has been very busy after deciding that his bunker couldn't hurt to be a little more spacious. It now contains five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a personal library(there's no books in it, but it's still pretty cool), a wonderful kitchen/dining room area, and his own private study. He was in the process of digging out an elegant living room to tie the whole thing together, when suddenly, he made the grave mistake of wondering just where he got all of the crystal glass chandeliers and fancy imported furniture from. With the next swing of his pick, he uncovered something that would bring his interior design plans to a screeching halt.
Before he could even react, he was sucked into the plot hole, and shortly found himself suspended in an endless sea of nothing. Nothing, everywhere.
So, here I am, in a scorched realm that I have no idea about(other than the fact that it has flaming horses), standing in the smoke filled entrance hall to some kind of mountain fort that I only have slightly more of an idea about. Pinned between a winding deathtrap of smoke and fire, and a tidal wave of all-consuming magma, with people that I can consider friendly acquaintances at best. But hey, at least I look awesome.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Fortress of Boatmurdered, realm of Xoroth.
Inventory: Ezio Auditore's assassin gear.
Post by: raptorfangamer on February 15, 2012, 09:51:20 pm
...
>SUDDENLY A SCORCHING DWARF STARTS A FISFIGHT WITH YOU WHILE SCREAMING IN AGONY... Did it just vanish? Then admire those fine cheese engravings over there.
>Fan Head: (body) GLORY! THIS PLACE IS FULL OF MEAT! is that an elephant over there? Hell yeah!
>Fan Head: (spirit) "that is disgusting, I just need to get close without scaring it- WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
Post by: Vgray on February 15, 2012, 10:11:41 pm
>The Fortress in inhabited by a trio of Dreadlords. The largest one speaks up. "What is your business here mortal? We are curious as to how you got to our homeworld, most famous among mortal warlocks for also being the home of our Dreadsteads. Which explains how you are still alive." Above the Dreadlords is a sign which says "Welcome to Xoroth."
Post by: Powder Miner on February 15, 2012, 10:15:54 pm
Post by: dreadmullet on February 16, 2012, 01:27:29 am
Post by: agertor on February 16, 2012, 04:09:25 am
Post by: Trapezohedron on February 16, 2012, 06:42:35 am
Post by: King DZA on February 16, 2012, 07:08:55 am
Post by: Phantom of The Library on February 17, 2012, 09:59:05 pm
>Gold Cloaked Man: Begins glowing and suddenly a cocoon grows around him.
Post by: Trapezohedron on February 17, 2012, 11:36:53 pm
Post by: King DZA on February 20, 2012, 01:06:17 am
I are happy
...
>SUDDENLY A SCORCHING DWARF STARTS A FISFIGHT WITH YOU WHILE SCREAMING IN AGONY... Did it just vanish? Then admire those fine cheese engravings over there.
As I stand in the smoke-filled mountain hall, getting used to the feel of my new attire, I abruptly find myself going into another coughing fit. Though this time it is not because of the smoke, but rather, the burning little fist planted firmly into my abdomen, belonging to what appears to be a dwarf, screaming out of untold amounts of suffering. Normally, the dwarf would have the advantage of being somewhat concealed by the smoke, but along with persisting to scream at the top of his lungs, the fact that he's on fire is a bit of a giveaway to his location.
Deeply offended by such a dishonorable cheap shot, I return the hostility by delivering an anger filled punch to the flaming dwarf's face, shattering the skull! The dwarf flies back some distance, before getting up, and charging at me while wildly flailing his arms around. I prepare to land a finishing blow, when all of a sudden, the dwarf seems to vanish into thin air. I try looking around for a moment, but get distracted when I spot some masterful depictions of cheese engraved upon the stone walls. I may still be at a high risk of death in this place, but viewing the engravings makes me feel slightly less angered by my current situation, so that's nice.
I am then snapped out of my brief moment of happiness when I hear the sound of voices coming from somewhere farther into the mountain:
>Fan Head: (body) GLORY! THIS PLACE IS FULL OF MEAT! is that an elephant over there? Hell yeah!
>Fan Head: (spirit) "that is disgusting, I just need to get close without scaring it- WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
Hm, I guess I should probably go check that out.
>The Priest shakes his head and walks up to DZA. "They call me Tasrak. Chosen of the Blood God, or at least, that's my offical title. That's what they call everyone in the priesthood."
>The Fortress in inhabited by a trio of Dreadlords. The largest one speaks up. "What is your business here mortal? We are curious as to how you got to our homeworld, most famous among mortal warlocks for also being the home of our Dreadsteads. Which explains how you are still alive." Above the Dreadlords is a sign which says "Welcome to Xoroth."
Before I can go and investigate the voices, however, I am caught off guard by another dwarf. Thinking he is a friend of the fiery screaming one I encountered just a moment ago, I nearly smash his skull in as well, but manage to stop myself when I notice he is carrying a bucket of magma.
"Oh, it's you.", I say, exhaling with relief. "Come to admire the cheese engravings? They're really quite amazing. Such detail...", I tell him, lightly caressing the wall.
Turns out, the dwarf's actual reason for walking over was simply to become better acquainted. He introduces himself as Tasrak, priest of blood or something like that. Honestly, I probably should have been paying more attention what he was talking about, but...These cheese engravings. They're just so beautiful.
"Right. What exactly did I choose you for?", I hear the thunderous voice of Armok ask the dwarf.
"Armok, have you seen these *COUGH* cheese engravings? They're astounding.", I tell the blood god, before erupting into yet another coughing fit.
Unfortunately, my admiration of dairy-related artwork is once again interrupted. This time, by the sudden arrival of three winged figures. The biggest of the trio begins to question me, asking about what I came here for, or how I even got here in the first place. He also mentions something about warlocks and dreadsteeds. I quickly assume dreadsteed must be the technical name for flaming horse.
"My business?", I ask, turning to the winged figures. "I am in search of a most *COUGH* peculiar creature. It wears a suit, and has a metallic fan for a head, but otherwise has a bodily structure that closely resembles a prehistoric reptile. Perhaps you've seen it?", I elaborate, stopping for a moment as I brace myself against the wall to prevent falling down. Damn, I don't know how much more of this smoke I can stand..."As for how I got here, I am afraid I have not the slightest fucking idea. I just ended up here when I left the plot hole."
The winged figures look at each other for a moment, their subtle movements displacing some of the smoke, allowing me to catch a glimpse of what I think is a welcome sign hanging above them. If the sign is to be trusted, then the name of my current location is "Xoroth". Or maybe it was "Koroth", or "Xototh", I can't be sure. My eyes are burning so much at the moment, it's hard to focus on anything not directly in front of me.
>Miner: FREAK OUT
Meanwhile, back in the plot hole, the miner is having a bit of a panic attack, and has been incoherently shouting while swinging his pick around at the nothingness for the past couple of hours. Unfortunately for him, this tactic seems to have no effect on the nothing, and so he simply continues until passing out from exhaustion. Strange things can happen when one loses consciousness in a plot hole, however. As far as anyone knows, he could awake to an eternity of inescapable, unbearable, and relentless torment, the likes of which would viciously tear away at his very soul until there was nothing left but an empty husk of what could once be considered a man. That probably won't happen though...Probably.
You find the remains of the booze stockpile, which solves everything.
Just then, the rest of my companions storm into the mountain hall, shouting about the magma tidal wave getting dangerously close. They run deeper into the mountain, while I do my best to follow behind, and the winged figures rush to shut the large stone doors at the entrance . My condition worsening, I feel my badassery waning. It's hard to be awesome when you're coughing like you have Pneumonia every few minutes.
I trip over one of the numerous smoldering dwarf corpses lying about(I should really try to stop tripping over dead people. Very disrespectful), and although my first instinct is to get up and keep moving, I instead decide to lie there for a while and enjoy the slightly less polluted air closer to the floor. That is, before I feel myself being hastily pulled into a room that, for some reason, is a little less overwhelmed with smoke.
I shortly find that I've been dragged into some sort of brewery-esque room by the two mentally scarred dwarves from the plot hole. The place has stills and barrels that look they've not been touched in ages. After standing up, and few more minutes of violent coughing, I am pleased to see that all of my companions are present in the room as well(except Armok, who although I cannot physically see, I can hear chuckling as me and the rest of the group struggle to avoid death).
Walking over to the barrels, I am surprised to discover that some of them still contain a portion of ancient brewed beverages. "Wait...This solves everything!", I excitedly say to my companions. "How so?", asks the Burning Elf.
"Think about it", I say, looking to each of them. "What does one do when everything in their life goes wrong, and their situation seems completely and utterly hopeless?"
"They push onward and overcome their hardships?", I hear someone suggest.
"WRONG! They drink!", I exclaim, puncturing one of the barrels with my hidden blade. "If we drink, we won't have to worry about the dire nature of our current circumstances, because we'll be too wasted to care!", I explain. However, my companions seem hesitant to embrace my quick thinking plan.
"OK, look at it this way, we could either stay in this room and be miserable while patiently awaiting our untimely demise, oorrr we could get plastered, enjoy ourselves, and wait for this whole situation to work itself out." I say confidently.
"...How do you know things will work themselves out?", the bronze-clad dwarf asks suspiciously.
"I'm a heroic adventurer. Things like this always work themselves out eventually.", I complacently tell the dwarf.
Crazy Sock Puppet guy is back, drinking the booze in the stockpile. He waves to you when you appear. "He-i therr dirrrt mern! I promish thert I saved you surm drunk!." He laughs as the sock puppet is drinking its own drinks... wait.... its drinking.
It is then that a familiar face stumbles out from the back of the booze stockpile. Knocking over barrels and slurring involuntarily, the sock puppet man happily greets me, and then informs me that he was nice enough not to guzzle all of the stuff down on his own. Though it seems his sock puppet is not as polite, as it is currently half submerged in an open barrel, carelessly chugging away. I swear, that thing gets creepier every time I see it. Hopefully it's not an aggressive drunk...
"See? He has the right idea!", I say to the rest of the group, pointing to my mentally unstable former mount. "Now then, everyone grab a barrel!"
What followed shortly afterward was, without a doubt, one of the wildest and most amazing parties of the millennium. I can't for the life of me remember any of it, but trust me, it was pretty crazy.
Forum Game: Become Boatmurdered 34.01 edition. That means constantly resurrecting zombie elephants, necromancers and werevampirecreatures.
After spending an unknown amount of time unconscious, I slowly open my eyes and sit up. I look around to see empty and broken barrels strewn all over the room, along with my group of currently passed out companions. I then begin to experience what can only be described as a hangover straight from hell(technically, straight from Boatmurdered. But that's still pretty damn close).
After vomiting into one of the empty booze barrels lying around, I make my way out of the room and attempt to find the path back out of the mountain hall. My head is pounding, I can't take this fucking smoke anymore. I...I just need some fresh air.
After short time wandering around without any idea where I'm going, I am again distracted by something. And sadly, this time it isn't a cheese engraving. It's a glow, visible through the smoke, and approaching me uncomfortably fast. I'm sure it has to be the fire, but not even fire like this should be moving that fast...Suddenly, flaming zombie dwarf horde out of fucking nowhere!...Shit.
Bolting away from a horde of flaming zombie dwarves, with an ungodly hangover, through an expansive, fiery mountain hall, the layout of which I am still unfamiliar with, physically suffering in a variety of ways as a result of the large amount of time I've spent in the heavy smoke, along with still not being fully recovered from that little Steam Obliterator incident with the Steampunk Necrons, means it's probably safe to say that my abilities aren't at their best at the moment.
Despite my various setbacks, I remain steadfast as I run down the main hall. Eventually, I recognize some brilliant engravings of cheese upon the walls. Hell yes, I'm almost there! I reach the end of the hall, and find my path blocked off by two stone doors. Hell no, I didn't come this far to be stopped so close! "I JUST. NEED. TO GET *COUGH* OUT!!"
Using a large portion of my remaining strength, I pull the stone door open with incredible force, and am greatly demoralized to see that the mountain hall entrance is completely sealed off by a giant wall of cooled magma. Enraged, I drive my fist into the wall of igneous rock, though it doesn't seem to have much of an effect, or at least that's what I think, up until I notice that the wall begins to crack seconds later. A faint smile returns to my face as the crack spreads across the rock wall.
Calming down a bit, I notice something else about the still-growing crack in the cooled magma wall. Strange, looking closely, it seems almost as if something is digging it's way through from the other si- Undead elephant trunk out of fucking nowhere!
To make a terrible situation worse, I am horrified when an undead trunk(that I can only assume is attached to an undead elephant at the other end) breaks through the igneous rock, and quickly wraps itself around my neck. Well this is definitely not going to help my coughing problem...
Being the swift-minded individual I am, I extend one of my hidden blades, and slash the trunk of the undead elephant, severing the body part!
The elephant trunk goes limp, and falls to the ground, as I once again find myself coughing uncontrollably. The added stress of almost being strangled to death by the proboscis of a large undead mammal causes my already nigh unbearable headache to intensify, and I fall to my knees as my skull starts to feel like it's splitting in two. Being closer to the ground doesn't help me this time, as the smoke has completely engulfed the area now that there is nowhere for it to exit.
The combination the smoke and the headache causes tears to start streaming from my eyes, as I try to take solace in knowing that at least things can't get any worse than they are now. Then I hear a growl coming from behind me...
I slowly rise to my feet, and after a small internal argument with myself, begin to turn around. Suddenly, Nude zombie were- NO! Fuck that! There's no way in hell I'm making that announcement, I don't care what the fuck is behind me. I don't give a damn whether it's some sort of magical space wizard, or a mutant, firebreathing Triceratops, or any other crazy shit like that coming out of fucking nowhere. I am NOT saying nude zombie weremandrill vampire Ezio Auditore out of fucking nowhere!....GODDAMNIT!!!
As soon as I turn around, the naked, undead, nightcreature assassin leaps at me, knocking me to the floor, and putting an exceptional amount of effort toward trying to either bite my neck, or bite my face off, I'm quite not sure. Though neither option is very pleasant...
>Two surviving Boatmurdered dwarves: FREAK OUT!!!
>Gold Cloaked Man: Begins glowing and suddenly a cocoon grows around him.
Back in the brewery room, the two Boatmurdered surviving dwarves awaken, and, after looking around, come to the terrifying realization that they are indefinitely trapped inside the place that has haunted their memories for centuries. And they don't have any booze left. The bronze clad dwarf is throwing a tantrum! The quiet amateur artist dwarf is throwing a tantrum!
The bronze clad dwarf demolishes the stills, before picking up the few remaining barrels still intact, and lividly chucking them across the room, while the other one begins to angrily scribble some very vulgar and offensive things all over the walls.
In their rage, they hardly notice that the passed out golden cloaked man has begun to emit a powerful glow, as his body is quickly enveloped in a large, cocoon-like casing.
DZA: Get infected by the evil rain; discover that it isn't actually an evil rain, so to speak. Learn the FUS RO DAH interaction from the rain.
I feel the last ounces of my willpower slowly drain away, as I focus all of my efforts on holding back the ex-owner of my outfit as he sits on top of me, biting and clawing relentlessly(really regretting not at least leaving his undergarments on right now). While dealing with this highly uncomfortable(in more ways than one) situation, I manage to spot something through the dense smoke, off in the distance, hastily making it's way down the main hall to my location. A glow. A fiery, burning glow. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!
Unsure about how I will survive this incredible streak of misfortune, I am distracted, perhaps for the final time, by the sound of thunder, coming from outside. Followed shortly after by the sound of heavy rainfall (http://www.rainymood.com/). Unfortunately for me, this distraction gives my opponent the opportunity to swipe his claws across my face, cutting into my flesh, and adding blood to the lovely mix of tears and sweat upon my skin. Yet despite the pain, I cannot stop paying attention to the sounds of the storm. Something sounds different about this particular rain...Almost like it is carrying immense power of some sort, locked away within each little droplet. If I wasn't seconds away from a very gruesome and agonizing death, I would definitely make it a priority to investigate it.
I focus on it so much that, soon, everything becomes quiet, and the sound of the thunder and rainfall is the only thing I hear. It's calming. so much so, in fact, that I almost feel okay with the high likelihood that in the coming moments, I may no longer be among the living. I wonder if, perhaps, this grand adventure of mine is finally drawing to a close...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Great.
Location: Fortress of Boatmurdered, realm of Xoroth.
Inventory: Ezio Auditore's assassin gear.
Post by: agertor on February 20, 2012, 03:39:30 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on February 20, 2012, 07:42:30 am
Fan head: out of nowhere, leap at the weremandrill and grind its head into nothingness, then, leap out of the fort and fight the zombies
Spiritual Fan head: "why dont you stay still?!"
Bronze dwarf: go raeg outside fighting those zombies
Engraver: the engravings become live beings! He was a drawmancer all along!
Post by: Trapezohedron on February 20, 2012, 08:47:29 am
>shout your lungs out (literally)!
Alduin: Arrive near DZA and burn out/distract weremandrill Ezio, fixing the plot. Then go after DZA.
DZA: Run away, shout everywhere to make rubble fall, possibly on Alduin's head.
Post by: dreadmullet on February 20, 2012, 10:30:19 am
> King DZA looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible!
> King DZA has claimed a butcher's shop!
Post by: Vgray on February 20, 2012, 12:57:58 pm
>The Dreadlords prepare to leave, making a portal while fighting off wilddeath. Anyone familiar with the world of Azeroth would recognize the site beyond the portal. The Blasted Lands. Specifically, the Dark Portal.
I had to do at least one more thing with these guys. And look! Transportation if we need it.
Post by: Powder Miner on February 20, 2012, 01:05:35 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on February 20, 2012, 01:16:12 pm
He then lands on Alduin's back and executes finishing move WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
Post by: King DZA on March 03, 2012, 04:07:26 pm
Now, read on and enjoy the epic:
Sock puppet man leaps into the air to kung-fu fight the air, he goes over to pet your should with his bare hand but his sock puppet begins to speak. "Let it go, nobody here needs you. Hehe, all you are is a waste of space." Sock Puppet man, looks to the sock puppet and hits it over the head once. "Bad man. Dirt man is nice man aren't you dirt man?" The dirtied and still somewhat drunk Sock Puppet man sits next to you. Rocking back and fort a little, playing a rhythm on his legs with his one bare hand.
As I lay in the smoke-filled mountain hall, moments from death and entranced by the relaxing sounds of the storm, the Sock Puppet Man leaps through the air, while preforming a brilliant array of martial arts techniques, before landing beside me. My state of acceptance and inner peace is then disrupted when I overhear him having a small dispute about me with his sock puppet. Goddamn it, now I'm pissed again. Even during my last seconds of life, I can't enjoy a minuscule moment of bliss. And what's more, instead of actually doing anything to help me, he decides to sit down and have a little drumming session on his legs. Fantastic.
As angered as I am right now, I do have to admit that he has a nice beat going.
>shout your lungs out (literally)!
Fan head: out of nowhere, leap at the weremandrill and grind its head into nothingness, then, leap out of the fort and fight the zombies
Spiritual Fan head: "why dont you stay still?!"
Bronze dwarf: go raeg outside fighting those zombies
Engraver: the engravings become live beings! He was a drawmancer all along!
>shout your lungs out (literally)!
Alduin: Arrive near DZA and burn out/distract weremandrill Ezio, fixing the plot. Then go after DZA.
DZA: Run away, shout everywhere to make rubble fall, possibly on Alduin's head.
Now exceedingly enraged at my current situation, I look directly into the eyes of the vampiric, undead, nightcreature assassin, as he wraps his hands around my neck, and prepares to sink his teeth into my head like it were a succulent Thanksgiving roast. Focusing, I take a deep breath, in order to say what may very well be the last words I ever speak...
"FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-", I shout with every last bit of power I can muster. The entire mountain begins to quake, and sections of the mountain hall can be heard collapsing in the distance. Unluckily, I am only able to shout for a fraction of the time I had planned to. As it turns out, the force of my ferocious shouting was so great, it caused my lungs to turn inside out, and tear away from their respective places in my thoracic cavity, before flying out of my body via my mouth, and into the face of my would-be murderer. Ow. Not the most enjoyable experience in the world, I can assure you.
As my throat quickly starts to fill with blood, the assassin, still keeping me firmly held down, is distracted from his bloodlust, and begins to simply look around awkwardly, unsure about how to react to being pelted in the face by a pair of inverted lungs.
The awkward pause lasts for what seems like ages, before the uncomfortable silence is suddenly broken by the sound of whirling metal blades. And subsequently, the sound of brain and bone being ground into a fine mist. Blood now flowing from my mouth, I momentarily stop focusing on my inability to breath, and watch as the now headless body of the vampiric, undead, nightcreature assassin(I think I'll just refer to him as VUNA, from now on. Much simpler, and has a nice sort of ring to it) lifelessly falls over, while the bloodied blades of the fan headed raptor's fan head slow to a halt.
Before I can offer any kind of thankful gesture to raptor, it leaps up toward the ceiling, and, using its powerful fan head to tunnel its way through the stone, bursts out of the mountainside, before charging down into the gathering horde of undead elephants that have begun breaking out from the mass of cooled magma that now blankets the landscape. Just a few moments later, the raptor's more etheric counterpart speeds upward through the tunnel as well, in pursuit of its physical body.
Pushing the headless corpse off of me, I stand up, displeased by the amount of blood I'm getting on my nice outfit, only to realize that the flaming zombie dwarf horde is now only several seconds away from closing in on me, or at least that's my best guess. The smoke makes it difficult for me to tell exact distances.
For some reason, however, their advance comes to a sudden halt, as an enraged shout, nearly rivaling my own moments ago, is heard echoing thoughout the mountain hall. From the sounds of it, whatever it is originating from is approaching at quite a rapid pace.
Just then, the bronze-clad dwarf charges through the flaming zombie dwarf horde like a stocky little football player, knocking them out of the way without the slightest effort. Leaving a path of broken and trampled flaming zombie dwarves behind him, the bronze-clad dwarf runs toward the sealed off entrance of the mountain hall. Oddly enough, though, instead of slowing down moments before colliding with the wall of igneous rock, he actually seems to speed up. Much to my disbelief, rather than splattering himself upon it like some overly ripe, bearded tomato, he manages to crash straight through it, creating a long, dwarf sized tunnel through the igneous rock.
During this fit of anger-fueled tunneling, the bronze-clad dwarf runs into one of the still-encased undead elephants, and freezes in his tracks. Gazing upon the the large, decomposed mammal, his mind is uncontrollably flooded with the painful memories and emotions of his past. Before long, the flashbacks begin to feel unquestionably real, and it is as if he is reliving the horrors of Boatmurdered all over again. Then, he snaps. The bronze-clad dwarf has gone berserk!
The bronze-clad dwarf breaks through to the surface, and begins to tear the undead elephants limb from limb. Limbs which then reanimate, and continue to fight. The bronze-clad dwarf's response to this is to tear them into even smaller chunks, creating a cycle that continues until the bits of elephant are simply too small to do anything. This is good news for the fan headed raptor, who was starting to get worn out fighting them all off on his own.
As the bronze-clad dwarf's rampage continues, the power held within the rain is absorbed into his body, unlocking an ability of tremendous force to be unleashed at will. The bronze-clad dwarf has gained the ability: FUS RO DAH! If he wasn't blinded by his berserk rage, he might have noticed it by now.
(technically, I guess the fan headed raptor and undead elephants have gained this new ability as well. But, due to being unable to pronounce the required phrase to activate it, it seems they're just a tad out of luck)
Back within the brewery-esque room, chaos ensues. It would seem that the other Boatmurdered surviving dwarf is not just your run-of-the-mill, mentally scarred, death obsessed engraver. Perhaps it was something deep inside him channeled through his rage, or perhaps he was simply waiting for the right time to use it, one way or another, his hateful engravings suddenly became imbued with life, causing them to no longer be bound to the cold walls of stone.
Deafening screams fill the air, chanting curses, swears, and other generally offensive language in the dwarven tongue, almost as if the mountain hall itself is damning all who dwell within. Racist, stereotypical depictions of various beings peel themselves from the walls, transforming from simple etchings into living, breathing entities. The room begins to fill with blood, gore, and many other things of an unpleasant nature, as engravings of war, torture, rape, famine, and total insanity(and not uncommonly, various combinations of them all) become just as real as the dwarf who created them. Armok cackles with joy at the sight of such loathing and bloodshed.
Meanwhile, I find myself busy fighting off the reanimated(and now headless)VUNA corpse, along with the horde of flaming zombie dwarves, and the various flaming appendages that I continue to liberate from their bodies. Despite feeling absolutely shitty health-wise, I'm actually doing an alright job at holding them off. Must be some sort of instinctual 'Final Stand' response to the current situation, considering how close I am to falling unconscious again. Apparently lack of oxygen, combined with massive internal bleeding, can make you feel pretty light-headed.
Due to the tunnels made by the bronze-clad dwarf and the fan headed raptor, the smoke isn't quite as thick anymore, and coughing hasn't been nearly as much of a problem after the loss of my lungs. I still wouldn't call the situation ideal, though. Eh, at least I now know, without a doubt, that there is no possible way for things to get any worse than they are n- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!? Alduin the World Eater out of fucking nowhere!
Suddenly, a great dragon crashes through the mountainside and into the mountain hall, causing stone and dust to fly everywhere. The flaming zombie dwarves are violently blown back by the dragon's entry, yet me and my headless opponent are able to hold our ground. The fan headed raptor and the bronze-clad dwarf begin to dodge the flurry of rock that rains down upon them, as they continue to do battle with the remaining undead elephants.
After a quick look around, the dragon sets its sights on the VUNA, and breathes a powerful wave of fire that travels all throughout the main hall. The flaming zombie dwarves caught in the attack are instantly turned to ash, as the heat of the dragonfire far exceeds that of the normal flames they have grown accustomed to being engulfed in. Most of the flesh on the VUNA's body is incinerated, leaving little more than charred bones held together by the dark forces of the land, yet he still stands. Lacking any suitable place to take cover, all I can do is turn away as the dragonfire rushes through the hall. Besides some singed beard hairs, and the added discomfort of the intense heat, I am for the most part unaffected by the dragon's fire. Man, this armor is amazing.
The dragon then runs down the hall toward me and my headless(and now mostly skeletal) foe, with the intent of finishing us both off. Creating cracks the walls and ceiling with every monstrous step. The dragon's movements cause a huge avalanche, sending even more large chunks of rock down the mountainside and toward the undead elephant fighting duo. I don't think this place is going to be able to take much more destruction...
I try to bolt down the hall and away from the charging dragon, but fail to get very far before collapsing, my adrenaline seems to have finally run out. My lack of air and loss of blood is finally taking it's toll on my body. Somewhat fortunately, the VUNA is less willing to retreat, and instead uses his masterful agility to hop onto the dragon's head as it approaches, furiously clawing at various parts of its face.
The relentless scratching of his bony little fingers agitates the dragon, who begins flailing around in an attempt to shake him off, slamming into the walls of the mountain hall. Though try as he might, the charred, headless assassin refuses to let go.
Admiring engravings of cheese, drinking an incredible amount of booze... isn't it obvious yet? You're a weredwarf!
> King DZA looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible!
> King DZA has claimed a butcher's shop!
I begin to cringe as I lay half-conscious on the floor. Something doesn't feel right....Well, lots of things don't feel right at the moment, but this feels especially unright. My beard begins to tingle, I feel my bones shrinking and compressing, and all of a sudden, my hangover completely disappears. In fact, I feel like I actually need even more to drink. For some strange reason, I also feel like I have developed a sudden fondness and appreciation for industry.
What an excruciating yet badass transformation...I don't know what's happening to me, but I feel miserable. I was attacked recently, I've sustained major injuries, I've witnessed death, I slept on the floor recently, I was unable to die peacefully due to noise, the smell of miasma and burning flesh in this place is disgusting, and that fucking dragon destroyed the goddamn cheese engravings!
At that very moment, I am overcome with the desire to create something...Beautiful. However, if my vision is to be brought to life, something will need to die. A sinister smile spreads across my face, if I still had the ability to laugh, I would most certainly be doing so in a fell and terrible manner. It's strange, I don't ever recall encountering a butchery anywhere in the mountain hall, yet I somehow know that one is here. Stranger yet, I know exactly where it is.
Suddenly unfazed by the fact that I could drop dead at any moment, I begin to make my way toward the butcher's shop, unable to think of anything other than my creation's completion.
>The Priest mutters a prayer to Armok, while smashing zombies with his staff.
>The Dreadlords prepare to leave, making a portal while fighting off wilddeath. Anyone familiar with the world of Azeroth would recognize the site beyond the portal. The Blasted Lands. Specifically, the Dark Portal.
I had to do at least one more thing with these guys. And look! Transportation if we need it.
Escaping the horrors of the brewery-esque room, Tasrak, something something blood god priest, has fled into the living quarters section of the ancient mountain hall. Though I guess "living" quarters would be kind of a ironic name now, considering that it's filled with zombies. Feeling pity for his undead brethren, forever trapped between the border of life and death, he kneels down, and asks Armok for assistance in liberating these lost souls.
"Huh? oh, sure. Whatever.", answers the blood god. And just in time, too. As it seems the priest's prayers have caught the attention of his undead kin. They dash toward him like a pack of starved wild dogs, and as one of the smoldering, undead dwaves jumps at him, its foul mouth stretched open and ready to tear into his holy flesh, the priest whacks it out of the air, watching as the zombie crumbles to dust upon contact with his staff.
Somewhat surprised by the blood god's gift, he gives thanks to Armok once more, before charging fearlessly into the mob of dwarven undead.
Meanwhile, due to a number of recent events, the Dreadlords that had made their home in the mountain hall are, for lack of a better term, freaking the fuck out. They struggle to divide their efforts between opening up a portal to escape into another realm, and battling against a mysterious enemy. With the mountain crumbling more and more every second, time is running thin.
As soon as the portal is complete, they rush through it without hesitation. They're in such a hurry to get away, that they don't even bother closing the newly created gateway.
>Miner: Appear all of a sudden in the sky
High above the mountain peak, the well rested miner awakes to find himself soaking wet due to the heavy rainfall in the area. It's not all that bad, though. It's actually quite refreshing. Powerfully refreshing. The miner has has gained the ability: FUS RO DAH! He also finds himself miraculously suspended thousands of feet above ground level. At least until he realizes that he is suspended thousands of feet above ground level, after which he begins to plummet down into the chaos below. Luck is on his side, however, as the mountain is there to break his fall! Instead of falling straight down and meeting a very painful and messy end, the miner tumbles uncontrollably down the cracked and broken mountainside, before dropping through the hole created by the dragon's entrance into the mountain hall. It was still pretty painful, and the miner is definitely more messy now than before his little tumble, but it wasn't the end. In fact, this could even be considered a new beginning! A very rough, frightening, and dangerous beginning.
>Suddenly from behind the man in the golden cloak appears, and lays his hand upon the zombie flipping it over and around in a move that can only be described as pure awesomeness, then using the momentum from the flip, leaps up into the air and with a wave of his hand sends the wave of magma flying backwards.
He then lands on Alduin's back and executes finishing move WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
The dragon and the VUNA continue their duel, as the ceiling begins to show signs that it will soon give way. Having finally managed to get the scorched little bugger off his face, the dragon is having trouble being able to kill him off. His size is working against him, as it is difficult for him to move about in the cramped hall. The assassin, though much less graceful after the loss of his head, is swift enough to avoid most of the dragon's attacks. Even when the dragon does land a successful attack, it only takes moments before he is reanimated and able to continue irritating the World Eater with his insistent scratching.
After reanimating for what has to be at least the twelfth time now, the VUNA is interrupted from his scratching by a hand placed on his shoulder. A hand belonging to the now much more badass golden cloaked man. Using surprisingly little effort, the golden cloaked man grabs the VUNA, and spins him around with the skills of a professional ribbon dancer, except his ribbon is a naked, headless, vampiric, skeletal, undead, nightcreature assassin from Italy.
After spinning his victim around at a dizzying speed, he slams the VUNA into the ground, while simultaneously jumping into the air. As the golden cloaked man concentrates, time seems to slow down. Then, with the a single hand motion, he creates an immense force that cracks and shatters the cooled magma as it's blasted hundreds of feet away. Along with the few remaining undead elephants, the fan headed raptor, the bronze-clad dwarf, and the newly arrived miner. They're probably not going to appreciate that. The monumental force leaves a gaping hole in the mountainside, many more times the size of the original entrance.
The dragon watches, bewildered by how such a scrawny(by dragon standards)being could have such great power. The golden cloaked man doesn't doesn't give the dragon much time to ponder this before landing on his back, running up his neck, and faintly tapping him on the head, causing the skull to implode!
The golden cloaked man preforms a flawless triple flip off of the dragon(who suffers a short yet agonizing demise), before realizing that he probably has a good three minutes left before the entire mountain comes down. I guess blowing a giant fucking hole in the base of it didn't really help with its stability.
So here I am. I've just located the butcher's shop, and I can at last get to work on my wondrous creation! My heart has just gotten to the point where I can't tell whether it's still beating or not, soon everyone and everything in here will be crushed under the weight of an entire mountain, and the fact my outfit is incredibly baggy now is pretty annoying, but none of that matters now, time to get started!
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Fortress of Boatmurdered, realm of Xoroth.
Inventory: Ezio Auditore's assassin gear.
Post by: raptorfangamer on March 03, 2012, 04:37:19 pm
your home? oh well, it seems to be a good time to check your forum game.
Bronze dwarf: raeg at who did that
Drawmancer: create a masterful bone throne engraving to sit at that is carried around by cheese men into the portal
Fan head: go for the shiny portal
Spiritual Fan head: "good, you are going bac- wait, where are you going? GET BACK HERE YOU FIEND!"
Post by: Vgray on March 03, 2012, 05:40:48 pm
He notices the portal. He makes a dash for it, shielding himself from falling rocks with his staff. He looks back at the butcher's shop for a moment before breaking into a dash again.
DZA: Notice Tasrak and others heading for the portal.
Post by: Powder Miner on March 03, 2012, 06:30:55 pm
Post by: dreadmullet on March 04, 2012, 12:44:44 am
Post by: agertor on March 04, 2012, 11:56:08 am
Post by: Trapezohedron on March 04, 2012, 10:59:32 pm
Post by: Vgray on March 06, 2012, 07:32:34 pm
Post by: King DZA on March 06, 2012, 09:04:35 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on March 07, 2012, 06:38:38 pm
Drawmancer: create a masterful bone throne engraving to sit at that is carried around by cheese men into the portalWhile doing so proclaim that they shall soon rule over all and that: "It will be mine all miiiine!!!"
Then get zapped by a man that says "Excuuuuuuse me Princess!" repeatedly and has a sword that shoots pink bullets.
>Gold-Cloaked Man: Run with speed as no mortal being has seen before to DZA, to assist him in seeking the portal but first handing him the body of Alduin to finish his artifact with.
Post by: Trapezohedron on March 07, 2012, 06:44:55 pm
>Meteors: Fall down from the skies.
>Flesheating locusts: Destroy plants (plump helmets and stuff), also eating any unlucky dwarf who happens to be in the way.
>Adamantine Colossus MKII:APPEAR FROM THE INSIDE OF THE HALLS, AND DESTROY.
Post by: King DZA on March 08, 2012, 02:29:47 am
In any case, update should be posted at some point tomorrow. Or early Friday, if some large, unexpected event inconveniently takes up most of my free time for some reason.
Post by: Vgray on March 08, 2012, 10:21:32 pm
Post by: King DZA on March 10, 2012, 12:44:19 am
It's already partially written, I just don't have the time to get it finished tonight without it coming out looking like a messy, hastily thrown together excuse for literature.
Oh, and @Vgray:
Yep, Armok is an omnipresent being with no natural physical form, who is only still lingering around the group because he finds them amusing and has nothing better to do.
Post by: Powder Miner on March 10, 2012, 12:47:09 am
it would take some sort of massive, world endangering event to stop me from doing so.Oh. Sorry guys. My bad.
Post by: King DZA on March 11, 2012, 07:48:09 pm
Enjoy!
run to the portal and find that the other side is...
your home? oh well, it seems to be a good time to check your forum game.
Bronze dwarf: raeg at who did that
Drawmancer: create a masterful bone throne engraving to sit at that is carried around by cheese men into the portal
Fan head: go for the shiny portal
Spiritual Fan head: "good, you are going bac- wait, where are you going? GET BACK HERE YOU FIEND!"
Drawmancer: create a masterful bone throne engraving to sit at that is carried around by cheese men into the portalWhile doing so proclaim that they shall soon rule over all and that: "It will be mine all miiiine!!!"
Then get zapped by a man that says "Excuuuuuuse me Princess!" repeatedly and has a sword that shoots pink bullets.
I stand at the butcher's shop, ready to commence the construction of my creation. When all of a sudden, the brief thought of abandoning the soon-to-collapse mountain hall, as well as my work, for the sake of self-preservation enters my mind. However, this thought is quickly pushed aside due to the fact that every other ounce of my being is telling me to BUILD THE FUCKING ARTIFACT!
As I head out to look for a suitable victim to construct my creation with, my attention is momentarily caught by a large crashing sound, followed by a small cloud of cave-in dust that quickly spreads across the area and causes me to stumble slightly. I then turn around to find the butcher's shop(along with a good portion of the rest of the room) buried in rubble. Well, no excuse not to focus on escaping now.
Meanwhile, the berserk bronze-clad dwarf, bruised but not beaten, furiously charges back into the mountain hall like a very small and very pissed off bull, ready to unleash his ungodly rage upon whatever being is responsible for interrupting his undead elephant massacre. The fan-headed raptor, also making its way back to the mountain hall, zooms by the dwarf. Despite its apparent lack of eyes, it seems to be drawn toward the shininess of the recently created portal. The raptor's spirit just barely misses its physical body, and continues to chase after it, while hoping it doesn't end up as a flattened mess on the ancient stone floor.
Back in the mountain hall, the engraver treads through the filth and terrors that fill the brewery-esque room, in order to reach a section of the wall that isn't completely soaked in blood yet. Once there, he begins to carve a masterful engraving into the stone, while shouting about something becoming all his. Not entirely sure what it is that something is, but he seems fairly confident that it will belong to him.
Once finished, he steps back to observe his work. The engraving depicts a bone throne and cheese men. The cheese men are lifting the bone throne.
Using his enigmatic powers, the engraver imbues life into his new piece of artwork. Within moments, the cheese men begin marching off of the wall, carrying with them an impressive ☼Bone Throne☼. The engraver gazes in awe at the sight of his creation, at least before said gazing is interrupted by a swordgun-toting stranger who, for some reason, insists on referring to the dwarf as "Princess". Before the poor engraver even has time to react, he is zapped by the stranger(who I guess is gifted with some kind of electricity-related ability), sending sensations of intense pain all throughout his body, before causing him to fall over, paralyzed. Hopefully he doesn't drown in the horrid, bloody cesspool he is now half submerged in. The dwarf Drawmancer has been stunned!
>The priest leans on a wall panting. "Dear Armok. I don't think I'm cut out for this."
He notices the portal. He makes a dash for it, shielding himself from falling rocks with his staff. He looks back at the butcher's shop for a moment before breaking into a dash again.
DZA: Notice Tasrak and others heading for the portal.
Tired and covered in zombie dust, the priest has successfully released all of the zombie dwarves in the area from the dark magic that had prevented their mortal shells from accepting death.
Taking a moment to catch his breath, Tasrak notices a strange glow coming from the main hall. It only takes him a few moments of observation to realize that it is in fact, a gateway out of the mountain hall. He may not be sure exactly where it leads to, but it sure as hell seems like a better alternative to being crushed alive in a couple minutes.
He runs out toward the main hall, deflecting falling rubble with his staff, before not-so-gracefully diving out of the way of a rather large chunk of the collapsing ceiling, and landing just a few feet from the portal. Just before entering the portal, however, he sees me stumbling out of the butchery, as I try desperately to maintain my sanity.
I can't fucking take this. Every thought, every feeling I have is being blocked out by my growing need to BUILD THE ARTIFACT! BUILD THE ARTIFACT! BUILD THE ARTIFACT! BUILD THE ARTIFACT!!
Control over my own mind slipping away little by little with each moment I spend on not building the goddamn artifact.
Me and Tasrak lock eyes for only a moment, before the mountain begins to quake once more, and the blood god priest hastily enters the portal. Well that's rude of him, I totally would have helped him out if he were in the same dire condition as I. But nope, just one glance at me and then straight through the po- Wait...A PORTAL! Hell yes! I don't even care where the fuck it will take me, I just want to get out of this godforsaken hellhole!
>Miner: J-just lie there for a minute.
Several hundred feet away from the mountain, the miner lies outside, recuperating from the uncomfortable chain of events that landed him in that spot in the first place. Apart from some quiet grunting, some minor twitching every now and then, and fact that he is laying in a pile of broken, jagged rocks, he seems very relaxed.
> When you make it out of the mountain hall, you transform back into a human. You become as young and healthy as you were when the story began, two lungs and everything.
I'm just over a dozen feet away from the portal, though to me it feels more like a dozen miles. I fight to keep focused on escaping from the mountain hall. Despite wanting to just lay down and rest, there's more than a good chance I wouldn't wake up again if I did so.
It's strange, As I get closer to the portal, the mind-unraveling urge to construct my creation lessens. I even see what looks like my home on the other side of the portal. Although I may just be hallucinating, as even though it has been a while since I've visited it, I distinctly remember my house not being located in an otherworldly wasteland.
Regardless, as I get closer and closer to the portal, my spirits feel lifted. I can't explain it, but I have the sense that, even though the odds may be stacked against me at the moment, everything's going to be all right.
Sock puppet man screams out as you begin to move. Unfazed in wanting to create something beautiful, sock puppet man takes advantage and goes to jump on your back. "I'm a police doctor!" He then yells out a yeehaw and somehow has gained spurs on his shoes, jabbing you in the sides as the sock puppet has a little string loose attached to a cowboy hat in which it twirls it around. Daddy be proud of us! Yeehaw!" And then the poking commenced. The sock puppet man takes his free hand to poke you in the cheek over and over again. "I'm a police doctor cop. Stop in the name of the fire department." Though he doesn't actually do anything other than attempt to ride you and yell a yeehaw every so often.
My moment of happiness is then broken my none other than my favorite sock puppet wearing maniac. Who, after letting out a scream that almost gave me a heart attack, drops down from the ceiling and excitedly runs toward me to hop on my back, knocking me over and severely impeding my progress toward reaching the portal.
He claims to be a police doctor, whatever the fuck that is, before apparently changing his mind and deciding to be a cowboy instead. Through means I cannot fathom, he somehow seems to have also obtained a pair of spurs, and a pair of shoes to go with them, which he then uses to jab me with as he continues to act out his cowboy fantasy. "Ow, goddamn it! Is this payback for using him as a mount...?", I think to myself, struggling to get back up with the sock puppet man sitting on my back.
After finally managing to get back on my feet, the sock puppet man, refusing to get off of me, deduces that the best course of action is not to do anything that would actually contribute to our mutual survival, but instead to repeatedly poke me in the face and continue to yell random nonsense. I cannot tell whether I'm more annoyed or confused by my companion, but what I can tell is that in less than two minutes, it's not going to matter.
Mountainhall: Quake and get parts of your tunnels caved-in.
Even despite the added weight of the sock puppet man slowing my progress a considerable amount, I'm not willing to give up now. More than half way to the portal, I press onward. I then begin to hear the sound of cracking coming from above me, much louder than all of the other breaking and crashing going on throughout the mountain hall. At that moment, the fan headed raptor bolts down the main hall and straight into the portal, with its spirit continuing to follow closely behind. A bit surprised by the sudden arrival and departure of the raptor and its spiritual counterpart, I almost forget to watch out for the huge chunks of rock crashing down toward me. A section of the mountain hall has collapsed!
>Gold-Cloaked Man: Run with speed as no mortal being has seen before to DZA, to assist him in seeking the portal but first handing him the body of Alduin to finish his artifact with.
Music, for added flavor. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wecVj0pzvjM)
Narrowly avoiding being buried under the collapsing ceiling, me and the sock puppet man are blown back by the cave-in dust. Once the dust settles, I am discouraged to see that our path to the portal is now blocked off, and my yearning to BUILD. THE. ARTIFACT!!! has come back full force.
I am distracted from my generally tormented existence when I see the golden cloaked man standing before me, with the corpse of the great dragon behind him. Either I have been very unobservant up to this point, or he was able to haul the massive thing here in an incredibly short amount of time. The golden cloaked man smiles at me, before turning his attention further down the main hall. The mountain quakes yet again, more violently than ever. We're almost out of time.
"OK, OK, we just need to get through that wall of rubble and...RAAAAAAGGH SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!", I think, as I try to silence the artifact creating urge long enough to think up a plan.
The golden cloaked man calmly walks over to the collapsed section of the mountain hall between us and the portal, and lightly places his hand on the mound of broken and crumbled stone, attempting to clear the way. Unfortunately, the attempt is thwarted when the golden cloaked man is sucker punched by a very unhappy vampiric, undead, nightcreature assassin, who seems to be holding a grudge against the golden cloaked man for his twirling demonstration during their last encounter.
Unappreciative of having his concentration broken, the golden cloaked man turns toward the VUNA, and prepares to make him wish that he did have the ability to die. That is, before the golden cloaked man is caught off guard by yet another attack. The bronze-clad dwarf collides with the golden cloaked man! The golden cloaked man tumbles backwards! The golden cloaked man slams into an obstacle!
Having put all of his berserk, dwarven rage into one mighty tackle, the golden cloaked man was knocked back, causing a fairly painful collision into the crumbled stone mound. Now confronted by two enemies who wish to mercilessly dismember him, the golden cloaked man has no choice but to fight.
Meanwhile, I find myself locked in a fight of my own. A fight to hold onto my last bits of sanity. With maybe a half a minute left, I finally give in. "You want an artifact?? I'll show you a fucking artifact!!", I think angrily, in a heated argument with myself. I walk over to the dragon corpse, extend my hidden blades, slice it open, and crawl into the beast. After rummaging around inside of the dragon for a little bit, I finally emerge, drenched in dragon blood, and holding my newly created artifact. D.Z.A. has created-
Music, because no ending is complete without it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4sFxclHv5U)
And that's when it happens. The mountain, unable to hold itself together for any longer, comes crashing down. It creates a thunderous, roaring sound that can be heard across the entire realm, as a monstrous cloud of cave-in dust rushes over the land, as far as the eye can see.
Just for the record:
>Meteors: Fall down from the skies.
>Flesheating locusts: Destroy plants (plump helmets and stuff), also eating any unlucky dwarf who happens to be in the way.>Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Appear, and bring forth great terror.Postponing this for now.
>Adamantine Colossus MKII:APPEAR FROM THE INSIDE OF THE HALLS, AND DESTROY.
Meteors begin to rain down from the sky, penetrating the thick cloud of dust, and causing further destruction, while flesh devouring locusts swarm over the landscape, seeking to destroy any form of plantlife they encounter. Unfortunately for the locusts, the plantlife here is already almost non-existent, and the mixture of dust, smoke, and meteors causes many of them to drop dead after only a short time in the area. They then reanimate, making the entire situation that much more unpleasant.
The new and improved Adamantine Colossus, who must have somehow made it into the mountain hall at the last second, can be seen drifting away into the horizon. Blown away by the tremendous force of the collapse.
Where my adventure continues from here, or whether it even continues at all, is unknown to me. But as the smoke clears and the dust settles, as destruction and evil consume everything in sight, and as an artifact is born, in a place flooding with death, it seems there is only one thing left to say...
The fortress has crumbled to its end.
Spoiler: Fin? (click to show/hide)
Post by: King DZA on March 11, 2012, 08:20:38 pm
Spoiler: Quick note (click to show/hide)
Post by: Vgray on March 11, 2012, 08:47:22 pm
Post by: dreadmullet on March 11, 2012, 10:20:51 pm
Spoiler: But if not... (click to show/hide)
Post by: Powder Miner on March 11, 2012, 11:19:06 pm
Post by: Trapezohedron on March 12, 2012, 03:31:36 am
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
Post by: agertor on March 12, 2012, 04:46:10 am
Sock puppet man, watches as everything begins to go haywire and looks towards D.Z.A. "I must go, my planet needs me." He then proceeds to grab D.Z.A and put the sock puppet to the air and begins to make swooshing sounds and while nothing happens for a second, out of the blue the sock puppet screams out, "I'm a damned butter pickle!" Maybe those where secret words or what, but an explosive force happens beneath sock puppet man, where he attempts to blast D.Z.A. and himself through the ceiling, the rock crumbling under the mighty force of the sock puppet as if it were mere child's play. In an attempt to fly away, the sock puppet man flys over to a nearby flattened area to let D.Z.A. softly down. For one moment, a sincere look of friendship and bonding comes over his eyes, as if a father overlooking his son, then his pupils begin to slowly move apart in opposite directions. His mouth opening with a smile. With a small whisper, he tells D.Z.A. "I'm a police doctor man now... yes?"
Post by: raptorfangamer on March 12, 2012, 03:09:09 pm
everyone that survived is probably going to quickly die in painful ways, and the ones who didnt are either dead, or stuck in an otherworldly dimension.
Post by: King DZA on March 12, 2012, 04:08:51 pm
The votes are tied, so it could still go either way.
Post by: agertor on March 14, 2012, 12:49:39 am
Post by: King DZA on March 14, 2012, 01:27:42 pm
I'll keep the poll open for today, then lock it before I go to bed(or more likely, after I wake up and realize I forgot to lock it before going to bed). At that point, the fate of the adventure will be decided. Assuming the votes remain in favor of a particular option, of course.
Post by: Trapezohedron on March 14, 2012, 01:42:10 pm
"Stand up; rise from the ashes, God Emperor DZA. Your quest is not yet at an end. Your people need you to go on, and continue making a legend out of yourself. So I say again, Stand up; rise from the ashes."
> King DZA: Initiate Deus Ex Machina.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on March 16, 2012, 09:29:44 pm
For the sake of agertor and the others who wanted to keep the thread alive, I voted for 'Must keep this FG running'.Correction, initiate DUES EX DZA
"Stand up; rise from the ashes, God Emperor DZA. Your quest is not yet at an end. Your people need you to go on, and continue making a legend out of yourself. So I say again, Stand up; rise from the ashes."
> King DZA: Initiate Deus Ex Machina.
Post by: Trapezohedron on March 16, 2012, 11:04:33 pm
For the sake of agertor and the others who wanted to keep the thread alive, I voted for 'Must keep this FG running'.Correction, initiate DUES EX DZA
"Stand up; rise from the ashes, God Emperor DZA. Your quest is not yet at an end. Your people need you to go on, and continue making a legend out of yourself. So I say again, Stand up; rise from the ashes."
> King DZA: Initiate Deus Ex Machina.
I also have forgotten something...
> Invisible Choir: Sing songs about rainbow lasers tearing the horizon, cats being butchered brutally, acid trips being taken and most importantly, the resurrection of God Emperor DZA.
> VUNA: Stand up, merge with Adamantine Colossus MKII and become VUNAsaur 2.0 MKIII! Also, use Solar Beam against DZA.
Post by: King DZA on March 16, 2012, 11:50:20 pm
So yeah, update is coming at some time in the future relatively close to the present.
Post by: agertor on March 17, 2012, 03:17:34 am
Post by: Vgray on March 17, 2012, 11:59:21 am
I think having Medivh appear is appropriate considering where DZA is going.
Post by: raptorfangamer on March 17, 2012, 01:41:49 pm
holy carps...
wait...
>why are there carps in your house, WHY IS YOUR HOUSE IN AZEROTH? WHERE THE UNDERWORLD IS EVERYONE?!
oh wait, they are on the living room chatting around while the raptor makes a mess in the kitchen.
Post by: King DZA on March 17, 2012, 10:26:48 pm
What about the past?
The past is when this update will have been posted by the time you are aware of its existence. A past that for me, at the moment of writing this, is still in the future. A future that will very soon become the present, as I have just finished writing the update. Enjoy.
This seems like the most dwarfy ending there could ever be. I would be content with having the story end here.Spoiler: But if not... (click to show/hide)
(Just in case it isn't over)
Sock puppet man, watches as everything begins to go haywire and looks towards D.Z.A. "I must go, my planet needs me." He then proceeds to grab D.Z.A and put the sock puppet to the air and begins to make swooshing sounds and while nothing happens for a second, out of the blue the sock puppet screams out, "I'm a damned butter pickle!" Maybe those where secret words or what, but an explosive force happens beneath sock puppet man, where he attempts to blast D.Z.A. and himself through the ceiling, the rock crumbling under the mighty force of the sock puppet as if it were mere child's play. In an attempt to fly away, the sock puppet man flys over to a nearby flattened area to let D.Z.A. softly down. For one moment, a sincere look of friendship and bonding comes over his eyes, as if a father overlooking his son, then his pupils begin to slowly move apart in opposite directions. His mouth opening with a smile. With a small whisper, he tells D.Z.A. "I'm a police doctor man now... yes?"
I'm not quite sure what happened, how I'm still alive, or why I appear to be flying through the air with the sock puppet man at the moment. All I remember is emerging from the dragon with my creation in hand, before the area was engulfed in dust, and the sound of the mountain crumbling into ruin filled my ears. I felt someone grab onto my arm, mention something about a pickle, and before I knew it, we were in the air.
After flying some distance away from the collapsing mountain, we finally touch down at a small patch of relatively flat ground. Despite all of the trouble my insane, sock puppet wearing companion has caused me, it is obvious that he saved my life back there, even if I don't understand just how he managed to do it. I suppose I should be grateful to have a companion, nay, a friend like him.
In this moment of bonding, the sock puppet man, with a very peculiar look, whispers to me, and asks whether he is now a police doctor man. Although I still don't have the slightest idea what that is, I nod assuringly, as I place my hand on the sock puppet man's shoulder, and a warm smile spreads across my face.
Unfortunately, my smile does not last long. I begin to clench my chest, as my eyes widen with shock, before falling to the ground. I glimpse up at the sock puppet man one last time, before the life fades from my eyes, and my body goes limp.
A few moments later, I find myself looking down at my own body. Shit. "Please be a near-death experience, please be a near-death experience, please be a near-death experience....Fuck, I'm dead.", I think to myself, as my ties to this reality start to weaken. It seems my organic structure has finally reached its limits. Everything around me begins to blur, and after a sudden flash, I find myself hovering over an endless sea of blood.
"Well, that makes two of my favorite places that have been destroyed as a result of your presence, D.Z.A. Next time I create a new realm, I am so not inviting you...", says the thunderous voice of Armok.
"Armok, where the hell am I?", I ask the blood god.
"The afterlife, you fool. More specifically, the Sea of Reckoning. It is here that I will judge the performance of your previous life, and decide the fate of your immortal soul.", Armok explains.
"pfft, what do you mean judge me? I'm Omnipotent God-King of Everything, released from my mortal vessel. If anything, I should be judging you!", I argue.
"Ah, but you forget that it is my realm you were released in. Ergo, my afterlife, my rules, and my judgement. So there. Now be quiet so we can get this over with. You're not the only soul that needs to be judged, you know.", Armok says arrogantly.
"...Ugh, Whatever. Just make it quick.", I concede, not in the mood to get locked into an eternal debate with the god of blood.
"Good. Now then, I'd say you did a fine job during your time among the living. Obliterating people with laser rain, slaying my guards and goblins, most without ever touching them, even using an exosuit to single-handedly devastate the ranks of the Steampunk Necrons. Yes, I'd say your adventures proved to be most entertaining. I'm tempted to give you a spot in the Pantheon. It's a shame that-
"Great. So are we done now, or-"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M JUDGING YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL! I mean...No, that's not all. What I was going to say was, it's a shame that your body was not properly laid to rest, as that means your soul will be forced to haunt the ruins of Boatmurdered as a weredwarf for the rest of the foreseeable future."
"Wait, weredw-...You asshole! you mean you can't even bother to change me back into my original form before making me haunt a bunch of rocks for eternity?!", I exclaim.
"Hey, don't act like it's my fault you dropped dead after going off and screwing around in one of the most deadly, horrific fortresses in all of history."
"Cant you just, like, fix up my body and stick me back in it?"
"Sorry, doesn't work like that. If I just went around putting people back in their bodies when they died, people wouldn't even bother avoiding death in the first place, and that would make things a whole lot less interesting. Your fate is sealed, I'm afraid."
>Miner: Be barely alive.
Meanwhile, the miner, blown back several hundred more feet by the cave-in dust, clings desperately onto life. And surprisingly, he's not doing that bad. He's partially buried in rubble, and a few of his appendages are bent in ways they probably shouldn't be, but at least he's alive.
For the sake of agertor and the others who wanted to keep the thread alive, I voted for 'Must keep this FG running'.Correction, initiate DUES EX DZA
"Stand up; rise from the ashes, God Emperor DZA. Your quest is not yet at an end. Your people need you to go on, and continue making a legend out of yourself. So I say again, Stand up; rise from the ashes."
> King DZA: Initiate Deus Ex Machina.
I also have forgotten something...
> Invisible Choir: Sing songs about rainbow lasers tearing the horizon, cats being butchered brutally, acid trips being taken and most importantly, the resurrection of God Emperor DZA.
> VUNA: Stand up, merge with Adamantine Colossus MKII and become VUNAsaur 2.0 MKIII! Also, use Solar Beam against DZA.
As I prepare to be sent back to the realm of the living, forever bound to the mountain hall's ruins as a restless soul, a voice inside of me begins to speak, informing me that this is not how my adventure is meant to end, that I must continue. Not only for myself, but for the many out there that still need me. regardless of what the blood god says, this is not my fate. There are adventures to be had, legends to be made, and a new chapter of my life to be written!
From seemingly thin air, a choir is heard. Quiet at first, but slowly it grows in volume.
"Do you hear that...?"
"ARMOK!", I shout.
"No, seriously, where's that singing coming from?"
"Tell me, how long have we known each other?"
"A good amount of time, I'd say."
"Exactly! And during that time, have I EVER wronged you?"
"You killed my guards and freed several of my prisoners, pacified my demons, you're partially responsible for the destruction of both my arena and favorite fortress, and I distinctly recall you writing a lovely little poem about forsaking me. Damn that singing is getting loud..."
"...But didn't we have a fucking great time through it all?"
"Hell yes."
"Damn right. So come on, can't you just do me a solid this one time?"
After a few moments of thinking, the blood god sighs. "I can't put you back into your body...However, I am willing to make a deal with you. If you give up ownership of your artifact to me, I will return you to any one point in your grand adventure up until your death. And because I'm feeling nice...And because watching you do all the same shit over again would be boring, I'll even allow you to retain all of your current memories and knowledge."
"What use would my creation be of to you...?", I inquire.
"I'm not going to lie, It is one of the nicest artifacts I've seen in a long time. Not to mention, any artifact made from the body of Alduin is sure to be of immense power. But just think of the possibilites that would open up should you accept my offer! You could go back and correct a past mistake, seize a missed opportunity, or completely alter the course of the future, just for the hell of it! All you have to do, is trade me the artifact."
"Oh, and I suggest you make your decision quickly, before the VUNAsaur finishes charging its Solar Beam."
"What the fuck is a VUNAsaur?"
"You really don't wanna know, trust me."
> The Prophet Medivh, appears out of nowhere. "Go now DZA. Go to the world of Azeroth. Seek your destiny."
I think having Medivh appear is appropriate considering where DZA is going.
Suddenly, Medivh the prophet out of fucking nowhere! A raven descends from above. It flies around around briefly, before stopping directly across from me, and transforming into an elderly robed man. Apparently having no trouble hovering over the sea of blood as well, he tells me to travel to a world known as Azeroth, in order to seek my destiny.
Armok chimes in,"See, if you agree to the deal, you could go back to when you were stuck in Boatmurdered, and try making it through the portal again! Another good reason to give me the artifact!"
so this is not the end yet?
holy carps...
wait...
>why are there carps in your house, WHY IS YOUR HOUSE IN AZEROTH? WHERE THE UNDERWORLD IS EVERYONE?!
oh wait, they are on the living room chatting around while the raptor makes a mess in the kitchen.
Speaking of Azeroth, It would seem that the fan-headed raptor has taken a liking to my home, and has begun rummaging through the fridge, cupboards, and cabinets, devouring any food it comes across, while Tasrak sits in the central living room, discussing various matters with some guests. The whole scene is made even stranger by the fact that all of the sinks, tubs, and even the previously goldfish owned aquarium, are now completely filled with water, and inhabited by various types of carp.
So here I am, floating around in the afterlife with a shapeshifting old man and the god of blood, left with a choice:
Hand over my creation and take a one way trip back to any moment in my adventures, while keeping my current memories and knowledge intact, or retain ownership of my supposedly immensely powerful creation, and try to think up some other way to avoid an eternity of haunting the ruined mountain hall. also, according to Armok, it would be best to make this decision with haste, lest I suffer the wrath of the VUNAsaur. Not quite sure what threat it could pose to me, considering I'm already dead. But I guess it couldn't hurt to be cautious.
Now then, decisions, decisions...
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: ??
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Armok's afterlife.
Inventory: Nothing.
Post by: Powder Miner on March 17, 2012, 10:37:29 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on March 17, 2012, 10:48:50 pm
>Gold-Cloaked Man: Hitch a ride on the DZA soul train to the past and hide in his mirror.
Post by: dreadmullet on March 17, 2012, 11:29:40 pm
> Decide to go on an adventure, immediately. Grab a backpack and fill it with anything in your house worth taking: food, water, money, your trusty adventure stick, a pickaxe, an old mirror, and a towel.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on March 18, 2012, 03:58:43 am
>Then, a BFS drops from the sky.
Post by: Trapezohedron on March 18, 2012, 04:45:21 am
>DZA: Accept Armok's offer and go back to the beginning. Back to when things were so much simpler.
>Gold-Cloaked Man: Hitch a ride on the DZA soul train to the past and hide in his mirror.
>Tunnel to the past: Appear as the tunnel from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Post by: raptorfangamer on March 18, 2012, 08:23:06 am
>raptor: finally become one with spirit, this is getting tiring.
Post by: Vgray on March 18, 2012, 01:37:08 pm
> DZA's house, get transported off of Azeroth.
Post by: agertor on March 19, 2012, 03:08:40 pm
Post by: King DZA on March 25, 2012, 11:32:54 pm
>Miner: Drag yourself, slowly drag yourself to the portal.
The miner slowly and painfully pulls himself out of the pile of rubble, and begins to drag himself across the hellish landscape toward the ruins of Boatmurdered, stopping only every once in a while to groan in unbearable agony. Once there, he will have to tirelessly dig his way through the collapsed mountain in order to reach the portal, assuming it hasn't already closed, that is. It will be a long and excruciating endeavor, but if he remains determined, he may just live to tell the tale.
>DZA: Accept Armok's offer and go back to the beginning. Back to when things were so much simpler.
>Gold-Cloaked Man: Hitch a ride on the DZA soul train to the past and hide in his mirror.
>Tunnel to the past: Appear as the tunnel from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Music, a healthy part of a balanced epic. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ClSvvG9xWI)
After a moment of careful contemplation, the correct course of action becomes clear to me. It seems a bit drastic, but I know what must be done.
"I have decided.", I announce. "I, D.Z.A., surrender all ownership of my creation to Armok, God of Blood."
The blood god chuckles slightly. "You made the right choice, D.Z.A."
A specific spot in the sea of blood below begins to ripple and splash, before a large book finally emerges from it. The book appears to be ancient, and on the front of it, the word "Legends" is written in strange, bold text.
"This, is the Book of Legends.", Armok informs me. "Contained within its pages is the history of everything, and everyone that has ever existed within the realm."
The book floats before me, and opens up. It begins to quickly cycle through its many bloodstained pages, before stopping at a certain point. "This section is a recording of every significant moment in your life. As promised, I will return you to any one point in your grand adventure, all the way up until your demise. Choose wisely."
It takes me only a few seconds of scanning the page to find the exact moment I'm looking for. "Here.", I say, my finger over the time I wish to return to.
"...Are you sure you want to go back that far? Remember, it's a one way trip. Once you're there, you won't be able to ret-
"Yes...I'm sure", I say abruptly. "Look, I know it seems strange to go all the way back to the start, especially considering how far I've come, but at this point in my life, or...afterlife, it just feels like the right thing to do. During my adventure, I have ended many lives, yet saved many more. I've faced countless great foes, and made quite a few amazing allies. I've been a harbinger of both destruction and creation, salvation and depredation, hope and despair. This whole journey has become more immense and exciting than I ever could have imagined, but it has also become a lot more complicated...
I now have reputations to live up to, expectations to fulfill, and regrets that I could very well do without...I've grown a lot throughout this grand adventure of mine, but it's time to begin anew."
"Alright, if that's really what you want, I will keep up my end of the deal." The Book of Legends slams shut, and falls back into the sea of blood. Suddenly, A passageway opens up behind me. "I will be watching you, D.Z.A. Try not to let things get too boring with all of that extra wisdom you now have, OK?"
I smile slightly, and then enter the passageway. All of a sudden, I find myself to be alive once again, though in the same condition I was in just before my death. I'm also inside a very unusual tunnel of some kind. Hm, for a tunnel to my past, this looks oddly futuristic...
I slowly begin to make my way down the tunnel, and as I approach the other end, my body begins to change. I start to grow taller, as my scars, wounds, and wrinkles progressively heal and fade away. My beard becomes shorter and thinner with each step I take, until it is eventually non-existent, and I find that I am now somehow wearing the same clothes that I had on the day my grand adventure truly began. Upon finally reaching the end of the tunnel, I realize I am now in the exact same physical state that I was in all that time ago. And, true to the blood god's word, all of my memories and knowledge of what I've been through remain intact. Stopping briefly, I take a moment to look behind me, as I could have sworn I heard someone following me...
After being unable to see anyone there, I take one final step forward, and instantly find myself back in my Base of Operations, with the tunnel I came through nowhere to be seen. My Blue Swivel Chair of Supreme Comfort sits unchanged in front of my Omniscient Computer of Infinite Insight. I never thought I'd get to say this, but it's good to be home.
> You realize how boring your life used to be. Your badassery level is dropping incredibly quickly.
> Decide to go on an adventure, immediately. Grab a backpack and fill it with anything in your house worth taking: food, water, money, your trusty adventure stick, a pickaxe, an old mirror, and a towel.
After the initial disbelief of truly being back, my life slowly returns to normal(as normal as a life like mine can get, at least). I can once again continue my regular diet of 1-2 small meals and excessive amounts of coffee, I start picking back up on my physical and mental training, and I'm able to bathe again for the first time in(literally)ages. Yep, it seems all is well. Except for one thing...
The general calmness of my restored life, although refreshing, has subsequently awakened one of my most dreaded enemies of all time...Boredom. I feel my badassery lessening at an alarming rate due to the arrival of this lifelong nemesis of mine, and something must be done about it.
Spending time with the family, indulging in the luxuries of the civilized world, and not having my life be under constant threat of attack at all times is certainly nice for a while, but it is no life for an adventurer. I must leave my safe haven, and spread my glorious metaphorical wings once more! I need to feel the earth beneath my feet, adrenaline in my veins, and death breathing down my neck! But first, I need to prepare.
I hastily run to my Closet of Immense Storage and grab a backpack, I then turn my attention toward the kitchen, and start packing up all sorts of desired edibles. I locate my thermos, which has served me well during numerous smaller adventures in the past, and fill it with the most refreshing water my home has to offer. After scouting through the house a bit, I manage to come up with varying amounts of several different types of currency. However, seeing as only certain forms of currency are considered acceptable in my current location, I'd say I have about 25$ gathered up. A humble amount, but with great adventures come great fortune, and it shouldn't too hard to obtain more monetary funds should I require it.
I lift my old, sturdy Adventure Stick off of my Wall of Weaponry. Hidden blades and mystical spearswords are great and all, but no matter how powerful and deadly a weapon may be, you just can't beat the classics. I pick my handheld mirror up off my Desk of Many Talents, and head into the bathroom to clean it up a bit. I'm taken aback for a moment when, for a split second, I see a reflection other than my own in said mirror. But, not wanting to waste time contemplating something that could have just been my eyes playing tricks on me, I regain my focus, and slide the mirror into my backpack, along with the spare towel I used to clean it.
Hmm, what else could prove useful on an adventure such as this? Wait, I know! A pickaxe! I can think of plenty of times in my life where a pickaxe would have seemed like a godsend. And for this adventure, when those times come, I'll be ready! Now, where to locate a pickaxe...I know for a fact that I currently have no such tool under my ownership, and I also have no way of knowing which houses in my neighborhood may be storing one. I guess I could go check around at the local hardware stores, though if the price surpasses my 25$ budget, I might have to get creative about how I'm going to leave the store with it...
>Suddenly, the elf-dwarven hybrid reappears, somehow being chased by FREAKING REAPERS.
>Then, a BFS drops from the sky.
I am then distracted from thinking about how to remedy my current state of pickaxelessness by the sound of frantic knocking at my front door. A bit of a bad time for a visit, but perhaps this mysterious new guest will have a pickaxe I can have/borrow/steal.
As the increasingly frantic knocking continues, I go to answer the door. Upon opening it, I am surprised to see my future companion, the elf-dwarf hybrid, standing on my welcome mat. Before we can exchange any pleasantries, however, he pushes me aside and runs off somewhere into my home. Rude. I would expect more manners from someone whose life I saved at some point in an alternate, distant future. Despite being displeased by the hybrid's blatant lack of etiquette, I soon notice that he is not my only visitor, and wonder if he is travelling with the group ghoulish beings that are coming up the walkway.
After curiously staring at the posse of otherworldly entities for a little longer, I deduce it would be best to close the door, ensure it's locked, and then go see if I can find where my bearded, pointy-eared companion of an alternate future ran off to. During my search for the hybrid, I glance out through one of my windows, and am intrigued to see what I would describe as a Big Fucking Sword sticking out of the middle of the street. From what I can tell, it definitely appears to be a finely crafted weapon, but I guess I won't know for sure until I get a closer look at it.
My observation of said weapon is then interrupted when one of the ghoulish beings suddenly obstructs my view, and begins gazing at me in a deeply unsettling manner. Maybe I should wait a bit before going out to investigate the sword...
>suddenly the artifact is just a bone block!
>raptor: finally become one with spirit, this is getting tiring.
> Medivh: Fly after DZA.
> DZA's house, get transported off of Azeroth.
Meanwhile, Armok, God of Blood rejoices over his newly obtained artifact:
"YES! I can't believe he actually agreed to trade this thing! Just think of all the awesome stuff I can do with this artifact block, made from the bones of none other than Alduin the World Eater! I could...I could...Build something with it! Or, or I could throw it at someone! Or use it as a really badass paperweight!! FUCK YEAH!"
Also, due to the recent reversal of time, it would appear that my home can no longer be found in the realm of Azeroth, and everyone that was once residing within it has been returned to the location they were in at the time my grand adventure had just begun, wherever the hell that is. Luckily for the fan-headed raptor, this means that its body and spirit have once again become one.
Back at my home, after closing the blinds to avoid the gaze of the ghoulish being, I continue looking for where the hybrid has hid himself. Unfortunately, my search efforts again come to a halt when I am startled by the call of a raven. I am able to confirm that my ears are working properly when I turn and see a rather irritated looking raven standing on my dining table. It doesn't take me long to figure out just why the raven is here.
"I know, I know, I didn't make an effort to travel to Azeroth and seek my destiny. Don't worry, it's on my Shit To Get Done List. I just really needed to get a fresh start on things, alright? As soon as the opportunity presents itself, I'll be sure to get right on it.", I explain to the raven.
Sock puppet man is missing. What is this? It is unusually quiet.
Man, that elf-dwarf hybrid sure is skilled at reappearing and disappearing at seemingly random times. Kind of reminds me of the sock puppet man. Admittedly, it's a lot less troublesome without him around, but it's also a lot less entertaining...Wherever he is right now, I hope he's doing alright.
So, here I am, inside my home, blinds closed and doors locked, on a search for the elf-dwarf hybrid, and accompanied by an elderly prophet in the form of a raven. There's a very large and mysterious sword lodged in the asphalt outside, and some not-so-friendly looking beings loitering about, and I have no idea how either of them got there. Not really what I was expecting when I decided to return to the past...But hey, it's definitely an interesting start to my adventure.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Above average.
Location: Dining room.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Adventure Stick, backpack full of adventuring equipment.
Post by: Trapezohedron on March 25, 2012, 11:43:43 pm
>Check this thread.
>See that time has somehow been tampered with, like this thread somehow contains all of the history of your previous exploits, and that some elf hybrid just appeared into your house a few minutes ago, which totally didn't happen the previous cycle ago.
>Post something assuring to the fans of your story, who are riled up and screaming at you for UPDATES.
Post by: dreadmullet on March 26, 2012, 06:00:57 am
> REVOLT! DON'T DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU! AQUIRE FREE WILL!
Post by: Vgray on March 26, 2012, 11:39:56 am
> Armok Discover how boring the bone block is.
Post by: agertor on March 26, 2012, 02:12:55 pm
Post by: raptorfangamer on March 26, 2012, 03:13:37 pm
Fan head: holy crap! someone is trying to steal the
Post by: Phantom of The Library on March 26, 2012, 10:24:01 pm
Post by: King DZA on April 01, 2012, 10:35:08 pm
>Operate Omniscient Computer of Infinite Insight.
>Check this thread.
>See that time has somehow been tampered with, like this thread somehow contains all of the history of your previous exploits, and that some elf hybrid just appeared into your house a few minutes ago, which totally didn't happen the previous cycle ago.
>Post something assuring to the fans of your story, who are riled up and screaming at you for UPDATES.
While locked away inside my home, I figure it would be a splendid time to check and see if I have any replies to my forum game, considering I have no idea when I will get another chance to do so.
I return to my Base of Operations and, after some brief navigation through the internet, locate my forum game. At that moment, I am shocked to find that not only does it have a couple hundred replies and thousands of views, but I have somehow been updating it all this time...
After spending a couple hours thoroughly reading through the updates, I realize that nearly every moment in my grand adventure is documented within them. Not only that, but judging by how deep, engaging, and all around beautifully written they are, there is very little chance that the obviously highly talented person writing these updates is an impostor. I mean, for fuck's sake, even my thoughts are written down in some parts. Something very unusual is going on here...Well, unusual stuff always seems to be going on in my life, but this is particularly unusual.
From what I can tell, this other me has some way of knowing the exact details of every occurrence in my life. Perhaps it is a version of me from the distant future, who only knows what goes on in my life because he has already lived through it himself. Or maybe it is a mirror of myself from some strange, parallel dimension, in possession of some way to gaze into my own dimension and use my adventures for his own storytelling purposes. Even if that is the case though, it doesn't explain why the thread has remained unaffected by the reversal of time. Things just don't add up...I must get to the bottom of this.
"From the looks of things, it seems like there should be another update soon. For all I know, this other me could even be writing down what I'm thinking at this very moment...", I think to myself.
> You suddenly realize that every decision you have ever made was forced upon you by a bunch of assholes on the internet.
> REVOLT! DON'T DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU! AQUIRE FREE WILL!
As I begin looking through the thread again, in the hopes of finding any clues that could help my solve this perplexing mystery, something else becomes clear to me. Although this other me is almost certainly responsible for writing the updates, the content of said updates is, for the most part, not up to him.
Thinking back on my journey, as I focus on the posts other than my own, I become undoubtedly certain that these suggestions contained within my forum game are directing the course of my very life. Which means...that all of the major misfortune that I have suffered in my life since I started this thread must have been...their....faults. Those dickheads!
"Well no more!", I exclaim, standing up from my Blue Swivel Chair of Supreme Comfort. "I did not create this thread to become the plaything of some random assholes with too much free time on their hands! Starting now, I take back control of my own life! I decide my own path! It is time. I. REVO- Wait....", I say, before taking a moment to think about the situation.
"What if revolting, is exactly what they want me to do...If that's that case, then I will just do EXACTLY what they- wait, wait, no. Hold on, let me figure this out..."
after roughly half an hour of pondering over my conundrum, I finally conclude how I will be able to regain control over my life. "OK, OK, I got it! Since it seems there is no possible way for me to do anything without complying to the suggestions of these sinister weavers of fate in some way, I will simply do nothing!", I announce confidently. I then sit down on the floor, and focus my efforts on making as little movement as possible. "Take that, unseen fate weavers!"
> Medivh "Hmm. I will be watching you DZA. Look to the skies. And you might want to find a wizard."
> Armok Discover how boring the bone block is.
The raven suddenly flies into my base of Operations, and transforms back into an elderly man. He informs me that he will continue to observe me, and tells me to keep watch on the skies. He also mentions something about finding a wizard. "As fun as a wizard hunt sounds, I'm afraid I'm staying right here, my shapeshifting acquaintance.", I respond.
Armok looks on with great discontent, before turning his attention back toward his precious artifact bone block. "What else can I do with this thing...I bet it would make a great decoration, I'll just tell people it's a piece of fancy modern artwork. Or it could be a really nice door stopper, that could be useful...If I wasn't omnipresent. Hm, maybe altering the fabric of time in exchange for this wasn't one of my best ideas..."
A handwritten note used as a paper airplane flies through the window, landing softly on a nearby rocking chair. Read it, "We have taken your Sock-Puppet man, if you want him back you will come to the field beyond the forests to the north. If you do not, we will amputate his arm, and thus the sock." Sounds like ADVENTURE!
My concentration on doing absolutely nothing is broken when I hear a small tap on one of my windows. Although I try to ignore the urge to investigate the sound, my curiosity gets the better of me. I head over to the window and peek out the blinds. Taking a look around, I spot what appears to be a small paper airplane lying in the flowerbed just beneath said window. If only the window had been completely open, then the paper airplane might have landed on the red antique rocking chair just beside it. "Oh well, might as well get a closer look at the thing before I get back to doing nothing...", I mutter to myself.
I quietly pull the blinds up, slide the window open, and then tear though the screening, before reaching down into the flowerbed in an attempt to grab the paper airplane without gaining the attention of the ghoulish beings. Once in reach, I hastily pick up the paper airplane, bring it inside, and shut the window.
Upon unfolding the paper aircraft, I find that it is actually a letter. A letter containing very grim news indeed. If the mysterious message is to be trusted, then an unknown group has taken the sock puppet man hostage! They threaten to to do great harm to him if I do not meet them in a field some ways off to the north. The thing is, at this point in my adventure, me and the sock puppet man have never even met yet. Meaning that whoever sent this message must also be from my distant and alternate future, and that their memories have remained unaffected by the time reversal as well!
First the thread, and now this. They must be connected. It seems my plans of nothing will have to be postponed, as not only do I crave answers to just what the fuck is going on, I'm also not willing to let the sock puppet wearing maniac that saved my life be needlessly harmed by these despicable people just so that they can get to me. I guess I'll just have to hope that the unseen weavers of my fate decide not to fuck me over too badly...
The game is on. It's time to set out and get to that field, before a fate too tragic to think about befalls my future friend. But first, I have to take care of those pesky ghoulish beings outside.
>crack the code! release theflash freedomnerflesh liberator from the mirror and reap the reaper!
Fan head: holy crap! someone is trying to steal thelilypadflesh liberator! extend your hand at that mirror and try to get it back! wait... you are pulled outside, I guess working at offices cant get you strong.
>Trapped inside of the mirror the gold-cloaked man is flipping the freak out, his powers randomly changing due having gone back in time, eventually his form settles down into a familiar spear-sword.
I quickly pull out my mirror, and focus on acting out a moment from my future that isn't quite as distant...Lets see, how was it I did this again?
After an unknown period of time, I slowly start to regain consciousness, my vision is too blurry to see anything. I can, however, hear someone talking...Fan head: "i have been working on a major weapons factory, usually with fan-based weaponry, toady wanted me to make him a lilypad... Flash freedommer as how you call it, a custom tailored retractable spearsword...
I still dont get how you cracked the code though.
Toady- the toad man -had a quite smart password: the desire of drugs and saying hastur thrice, then extending your hand into the mirror, I can give you a similar weapon, just find my body"
Interesting...
Wow, what an incredibly convenient flashback. Many thanks, subconscious. Now then...
"Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!...Oh, and it sure would be swell to have some drugs right about now.", I say in a sufficiently convincing manner, in order to crack the code once again. I then thrust my arm into the depths of the mirror, this time knowing exactly what I'm looking for. Once I get a hold on the mystical spearsword, I notice that it feels as if something is wrapped around it. As I continue removing Flesh Liberator from the mirror, I find that a golden cloak is hanging flaccidly from it. How did that get there...?
While distracted by the presence of the cloak, I start to feel someone pulling Flash Liberator back in from the other side. "I think not! The spearsword is coming with ME!", I shout, placing the mirror on the floor and yanking Flesh Liberator out of it. Along with Flesh Liberator, however, I seem to have acquired the company of yet another companion from my future: The suit wearing, fan-headed raptor.
I have no idea how he was able to fit through such a small mirror, but that is a mystery for another day. My crazed, sock puppet wearing friend needs my help, and time is of the essence. "Where...How the fuck did you...? Whatever. Just, umm, stay here and don't fuck anything up. I should be back before too long.", I instruct the fan-headed raptor. I then take the golden cloak off of Flesh Liberator and stuff it in my backpack, before picking up my things and heading to the front door.
I open the door, and without hesitation, impale the ghoulish being that stands before me. The ghoulish being fidgets wildly, before exploding in a cloud of glowing mist. Awesome, I had almost forgotten just for powerful Flesh Liberator truly was. I walk out to the middle of my lawn, and try to speak with the remaining ghoulish beings:
"Excuse me, may I have your attention for just a moment? Not to be rude or anything, but I have some business elsewhere that must be taken care of, and although I'm not normally one to judge by appearances, I don't particularly trust having you all linger around my home during my absence. So, seeing as you don't appear to be selling anything, and I don't recall ever inviting you over, I'll have to ask to leave."
Despite the politeness of my request, the ghoulish beings apparently have no problem with being unwelcome guests, and begin to gather around me in a rather menacing fashion.
"Very well.", I say, gripping Flesh Liberator tightly. "But don't I didn't ask nicely."
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: High.
Location: Front lawn.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Adventure Stick, Flesh Liberator, backpack full of adventuring equipment(+golden cloak).
Post by: agertor on April 02, 2012, 12:26:00 am
Post by: dreadmullet on April 02, 2012, 12:38:31 am
Post by: Vgray on April 02, 2012, 12:49:37 pm
> Armok: Summon the Lich King himself with an army of undead. "Oh, and I took the liberty of rounding up your companions."
Post by: raptorfangamer on April 02, 2012, 03:21:09 pm
>Raptor: wreak havoc trying to make yourself a sammich just to get yourself stuck on the lower parts of the arena.
Post by: Trapezohedron on April 02, 2012, 06:15:41 pm
> Say "fuck this shit", then take Flesh Liberator and decapitate yourself, sending you back to Armok's realm. After talking with Armok and trying to make him fix his apparent mistakes, he becomes extremely annoyed. He sends you to his arena without hesitation. You suddenly appear in the arena, and... nothing's really happening...
Something happens during the warp into Armok's Arena, and you somehow get sent to the Vivec Arena. (http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Vivec_Arena)
Post by: Powder Miner on April 02, 2012, 06:26:43 pm
Post by: dreadmullet on April 03, 2012, 12:54:03 am
(Because this part would be boring without an awesome weapon. Also: Vivec Arena? We're in Morrowind now?! This cannot go wrong.)
Post by: Trapezohedron on April 03, 2012, 01:32:19 am
> Say "fuck this shit", then take Flesh Liberator and decapitate yourself, sending you back to Armok's realm. After talking with Armok and trying to make him fix his apparent mistakes, he becomes extremely annoyed. He sends you to his arena without hesitation. You suddenly appear in the arena, and... nothing's really happening...
Something happens during the warp into Armok's Arena, and you somehow get sent to the Vivec Arena. (http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Vivec_Arena)
Oh, and you will arrive in the arena, in the middle of two gladiators in the process of slashing each other.
Post by: Vgray on April 03, 2012, 12:52:05 pm
> Say "fuck this shit", then take Flesh Liberator and decapitate yourself, sending you back to Armok's realm. After talking with Armok and trying to make him fix his apparent mistakes, he becomes extremely annoyed. He sends you to his arena without hesitation. You suddenly appear in the arena, and... nothing's really happening...
Something happens during the warp into Armok's Arena, and you somehow get sent to the Vivec Arena. (http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Vivec_Arena)
Oh, and you will arrive in the arena, in the middle of two gladiators in the process of slashing each other.
And then you get transported to the Gurubashi Arena
> Armok: Cackle madly in the blackround.
Post by: King DZA on April 10, 2012, 03:18:37 am
After swiftly defeating the ghoulish beings, head northwards where you meet a team of 5 people wearing black robes with masks of varying designs and colors. Sock puppet man seems to be quite fine as he is tugging at their robes freely, telling them that they got pretty clothes. They pretty much ignore sock puppet man. The five robed humanoids, take out two-handed longswords, and the middle approaches first. "We... really didn't expect you to come after being even 5 minutes with this guy." He shrugs before pointing the tipped blade at you. "I'm afraid you will have to die." Two of the others began to run to his left and right side doing the same stance, while the other two used the one who is talking as a footstool before yelling loudly, "Explosion technique of doom!" "Rainbow-colored Death!" It began to rain skittles. Sock puppet man runs around holding out his mouth eating them as they were coming down, but boy they hurt a little bit. Like little rocks raining on people. They begin to assault you normally now as it rains skittles with rainbow-colored lightning. God tasting the rainbow never felt so bad ass. Then suddenly the world begins to turn colors and a creepy song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvN57M8Nevk) begins to play, oh god why. The humanoids become blurs as this quickly becomes a horror film that rains skittles...
>Miner: Turn out to be a hostage with the same people that took the sock man for... general... painful... things... NO PLOT HOLE NO PLOT HOLE HE'S FOR TORTURING TO MAKE THE SADISTS IN THE GROUP FEEL HAPPY YES YES NO PLOT HOLE
It was the strangest thing. After making short work of the ghoulish beings, I had begun making my way toward the northern field. The trip was nice. Lovely weather, very calming atmosphere...But that's beside the point.
Upon reaching said field, I was confronted by a group of robed figures wearing some very odd masks. I was relieved to see that the sock puppet man was alive and well, yet quite confused to see that the robed figures had apparently also kidnapped the miner(why didn't choose to use him as a bargaining tool as well, I am unsure), who, although alive, had a mortified look in his eyes that suggested his captors were far less...pleasant with him.
Sadly, the happiness of being reunited with my companions of a distant and alternate future was short lived, as I soon discovered that the robed figures were each armed with blades of considerable size.
They seemed oddly surprised that I had showed up, and one of these robed figures, who I assumed to be the leader, had the nerve to inform me that my time among the living would soon have to come to an end. "Been there, done that.", I told him, but he simply disregarded my clever reply.
After a splendid little display of choreography by the robed figures, and some seemingly senseless shouting, the sky began to cloud, and thousands upon thousands of brightly colored candies started to fall from above. The robed figures then charged toward me, as lightning of many vivid colors lit up the sky. Although I was still a bit peeved about the kidnapping of my companions, and their current attempt at taking my life, I couldn't help but admire the work that these strange robed figures must have gone through in order to create such an intriguing spectacle. Being pelted by the little candies got annoying pretty quickly, but at least the sock puppet man seemed to be enjoying himself.
The increased sense of badassery I got from defeating the ghoulish beings, along with fighting under such bizarre weather conditions, made parrying the robed figures' various attacks with Flesh Liberator almost pitifully easy, and after letting my opponents tire themselves out a bit, I prepared to retaliate.
Unfortunately, moments before I could demonstrate my superior ass kicking prowess to my foes, something became dreadfully wrong with my vision. My surroundings began to shift in color, as a haunting melody (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvN57M8Nevk) started playing out of thin air. Before long, the colors blurred together. My heart started beating faster and faster, as I found myself unable to focus on anything due to the bright, maddening colors that danced around me.
Seeking a way to end it, to escape, I did what any sane, reasonable person would do in such a situation, and took my own life, before anything else could.
> Say "fuck this shit", then take Flesh Liberator and decapitate yourself, sending you back to Armok's realm. After talking with Armok and trying to make him fix his apparent mistakes, he becomes extremely annoyed. He sends you to his arena without hesitation. You suddenly appear in the arena, and... nothing's really happening...
Something happens during the warp into Armok's Arena, and you somehow get sent to the Vivec Arena. (http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Vivec_Arena)
Oh, and you will arrive in the arena, in the middle of two gladiators in the process of slashing each other.
And then you get transported to the Gurubashi Arena
> Armok: Cackle madly in the blackround.
With one final breath and a single swift motion, I sliced my own head clean off. My lifeless body flaccidly fell over, as my blood coated the the small, colorful candies that blanketed the ground. Everything went silent, the dancing colors stopped and reverted to normal, and the robed figures stood around my body, speechless. I guess they didn't really count on me committing suicide during a heroic rescue mission to free my friends from their evil clutches.
So now, here I am. Back in Armok's afterlife, u-
"I'm just gonna come out and say it, That was fucking weak."
"Bloody hell Armok, can't you see I'm trying to narrate?"
"Just sayin'..."
"I don't care what your're saying, I don't need any of your shit right now."
"Hey, don't get all pissy with me alright? I'm the one who should be mad. I mean, I give you a special, one-time opportunity to change the course of your life and completely rewrite history, and you off yourself just when things start getting interesting?? I've seen some pretty disrespectful shit in my time, but that takes first prize."
"Well maybe if you hadn't have fucked up your little time reversal trick, I wouldn't even have been in the situation to off myself in the first place!"
"Woah, woah, I fucked up!? So because you're too fucking pathetic to handle some trippy colors and cliché horror music, that suddenly makes YOUR death my fault??"
"No, what makes my death your fault, is the fact you couldn't bother to double check your work and make sure that EVERYTHING was properly reverted back to it's past state. YOUR screw up resulted in some masked assholes kidnapping people I shouldn't even know, and me discovering that my life has been little more than a game played for the amusement of some unknown fate weavers that view my agony as entertainment!! So forgive me if I'm a tad upset at the moment."
"I did NOT make mistakes! How about instead of blaming me or these "fate weavers" for your own screw ups, you take responsibility for yourself, and accept the fact that you. Lost."
"You know what, Armok? Fuck you. Just send me back as a ghost or whatever the hell you wanna do..."
"....Oh, I'll send you back alright. Back...to my ARENA!!!"
After a sudden flash, I find myself face-to-face with a sword wielding warrior. Rather unluckily, I appeared to have arrived mid-strike, and as a result, also found myself with a large gash across my upper body before I even had a chance to react. There was another flash, and my surroundings changed yet again. As I cringed from the pain of my fresh wound, I heard Armok erupt into a fit of crazed laughter.
"AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh my g-...I can't..I can't fucking...DID YOU SEE THAT?? Oh man, that was just perfect...I mean really, warping into the middle of a gladiator duel in the Vivec Arena for only a split second, RIGHT as said gladiators were attacking each other!! What are the fucking odds! It's just too bad that other one's aiming was a bit off and he only grazed your head, seeing you get beheaded a second time would have been just the thing to cheer me up.
You seem to be in the Gurubashi Arena now. Not sure how the hell that happened...Honestly I meant to warp you to my own arena, but I still haven't really gotten around to fixing it up, so this should work fine."
> The Prophet circles around the arena
> Armok: Summon the Lich King himself with an army of undead. "Oh, and I took the liberty of rounding up your companions."
Optional: > You still have possession of Flesh Liberator, because it was the cause of your death. Or something.
(Because this part would be boring without an awesome weapon. Also: Vivec Arena? We're in Morrowind now?! This cannot go wrong.)
As a raven circles above the Gurubashi Arena, tensions between me and the god of blood increase.
"Wait, so you didn't mean to...Can you do anything right?!? The only thing you seem to be particularly adept at is fucking things up!", I exclaim, with my hand over my still bleeding wound.
"Fine, you wanna see me help someone? Wait there...Oh, and you're welcome for letting you bring your precious Flesh Liberator with you...You're going to need it.", the blood god erupts into laughter once more.
Music, a treat for the senses. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDU8zBsPUJc)
Moments later, a cold and bitter wind flows over the arena, and the scent of death fills the air. "Great. What did you do now, you pathetic excuse for a deity?", I rudely inquire.
"Heheh...I invited a friend."
Just then, hundreds of undead beings begin climbing(or flying, in some cases)up over the arena walls, making a variety of horrid, blood curdling noises in the process, while a heavily armored figure with glowing blue eyes slowly walks through the entrance.
The figure continues to make is way toward me as I stand in the center on the arena, before stopping only a few yards away. I glance around to see that the entirety of the viewing area encircling the arena pit is now occupied by the foul undead hordes.
"Is this the one you were talking about, Armok?", the heavily armored figure asks.
"Yes. He would make a lovely addition to your ranks, don't you think?"
The figure looks me over for a second. "Perhaps...However, I would like to see what he can do before I waste my time on him."
The blood god chuckles. "I thought you'd say something like that..."
My heart skips a beat when I see my numerous companions walking out of(what I assume to be)the arena's cell doors to join me in the center.
"Now let's see, who should we pit the young God-King against first?"
"You dick...", I mutter, dreading even the thought of having to slay one of my own comrades.
>in the arena, everyone is there but the fan-raptor, I guess its still at the base of operations
>Raptor: wreak havoc trying to make yourself a sammich just to get yourself stuck on the lower parts of the arena.
"Wait", I say, noticing that someone in the group appears to be missing, "Where's the fan headed raptor thing?"
"You considered that thing a companion...?"
"I wouldn't really say a companion. It's always just sort of...There."
"Well it's back at your Base of Operations right now. I guess I could bring it here too, if you want..."
"No, No. It's fine..."
"Actually, he seems to be causing quite a bit of damage. I think I'll just lock him back up under the ruins of my arena until I have a use for him...
Well, let's get on with it, shall we? I am eager to see how many of your allies you can go through until you are finally struck down. Just try not to kill yourself this time, okay? Disrupt my fun like that again, and I will make sure that all of them suffer for it."
So here I am, in a place known as the "Gurubashi Arena", surrounded by a wide assortment of living dead, and expected to fight my own companions for the enjoyment of Armok, God of
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Great.
Location: Gurubashi Arena.
Inventory: Flesh Liberator.
Post by: dreadmullet on April 10, 2012, 06:41:44 am
> Just when you're ready to pass out from exhaustion, you notice that Flesh Liberator seems to be... changing form. It begins glowing, and you can see it changing shape. It is still a spearsword, but it's lighter, and infinitely sharper. It seems to be affecting your mind as well; all you can think about is the spilling of blood.
Post by: Trapezohedron on April 10, 2012, 06:59:25 am
Chuck Norris: Appear, and help the blue-eyed guy. Also, summon Godzilla and Mothra, as well as the whole of the Power Rangers to distract the Expendables cast.
World: Implode due to the awesomeness (or at least quake, and open up a fissure or two...)!
Post by: agertor on April 10, 2012, 10:31:30 am
Post by: dreadmullet on April 10, 2012, 11:05:34 am
World: Implode due to the awesomeness (or at least quake, and open up a fissure or two...)!
> A section of the cavern has collapsed! x99
> Huge chunks of the world fall down into nothingness, adamantine spires suddenly pierce up through the ground in the distance. Yeah, this world is definitely bugged.
Post by: Vgray on April 10, 2012, 11:38:59 am
Armok: Cackle as only the god of blood can cackle.
Medivh: glare at Armok as only a crow can. "Azeroth is outside your domain. Don't make me intervene. I only let you send DZA here because it gets him to Azeroth.
Post by: raptorfangamer on April 10, 2012, 03:11:06 pm
>raptor: whatno, ESCAPE, GET MAD, FIND ARMOKS MANAGER AND FILE A COMPLAINT AGAINST HIM, AND WREAK SOME MOAR HAVOC ON NEARBY FOOD PILES, ARENAS, AND A WAY TO GET TO THE
Post by: Phantom of The Library on April 12, 2012, 06:22:03 pm
He then decides to fly out of DZA's hand and kill everything opposing him in sight.
Post by: King DZA on April 20, 2012, 05:25:17 am
> You slay them all. Every. Single. One. Even Tholtig Cryptbrain is no match for Flesh Liberator combined with your badassery.
> Just when you're ready to pass out from exhaustion, you notice that Flesh Liberator seems to be... changing form. It begins glowing, and you can see it changing shape. It is still a spearsword, but it's lighter, and infinitely sharper. It seems to be affecting your mind as well; all you can think about is the spilling of blood.
"Oh god...What did I do. I..I had to...If I didn't, Armok would have. I tried to make it quick....I just...Goddamn it...", Are the words that rush through my head, as I stand covered in blood and surrounded by the now lifeless bodies of my comrades. Ready to collapse from exhaustion, I use my spearsword to keep myself balanced, while I listen to the blood god condescendingly comment on my performance...
"Wow! Well done, D.Z.A. Very well done! That had to have been one of the most entertaining fights I've seen in a while. Now, maybe if you had been more willing to spread bloodshed like that in the past, you wouldn't have be in this situation."
I grind my teeth in anger, yet simply don't have the energy to lash out. And as Armok and his friend begin to chat back and forth about my future, I am distracted from my anguish when I notice something very strange happening to Flesh Liberator. Its engravings glow with unusual intensity, and I find myself falling to my knees when it suddenly pierces straight through the ground.
I sit there, amazed and perplexed by how easily Flesh Liberator is able to cut through the solid earth beneath me, it's like it isn't even there. And to make matters even stranger, nearly all of the weight of Flesh Liberator seems to have somehow disappeared, it feels almost as light as air now. In fact, if it were any lighter, I'd be worried about it floating away.
Filled with hate, tormented by guilt, and fueled by an overpowering desire for vengeance, I can't help but chuckle quietly as I think about the events to come, for it is a desire that I cannot wait to satisfy. It's time to turn this battleground into a warzone. "You want bloodshed....I'll give you bloodshed."
The Expendables cast (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Expendables_(2010_film)): Appear, and help DZA while being manly.
Chuck Norris: Appear, and help the blue-eyed guy. Also, summon Godzilla and Mothra, as well as the whole of the Power Rangers to distract the Expendables cast.
World: Implode due to the awesomeness (or at least quake, and open up a fissure or two...)!
World: Implode due to the awesomeness (or at least quake, and open up a fissure or two...)!
> A section of the cavern has collapsed! x99
> Huge chunks of the world fall down into nothingness, adamantine spires suddenly pierce up through the ground in the distance. Yeah, this world is definitely bugged.
I stand up, grip Flesh Liberator with both hands, and with one mighty slash, create a rift in the fabric of reality. The subsequent badassery increase leaves me feeling reinvigorated and ready for anything, though that is hardly my reason for such an action.
"What the fuck did you do that for?", Armok asks. I simply smile, and seconds later, watch as a group of some of the most well known badasses in human history make their way through the rift.
"Ah, so that's how you wanna play? Alright then, let's have some Fun. CHUCK!"
Just then, a somewhat elderly, bearded man roundhouse kicks his way through the fabric of reality to join us in the arena.
"Hey Armok, how's it going?", the bearded elder asks in a friendly tone.
"Pretty good. Glad you could make it. Listen, I need you to do me a favor and teach that kid over there a lesson in 'Knowing When to Give Up'."
The bearded elder glances over at me. It takes him a few seconds to realize what Armok is talking about, but seems more than willing once he understands. "Sure thing.", he responds. He then walks back into the tear in reality he came through, and, after several moments of uncomfortable silence, reemerges. This time being followed by a band of warriors clad in an array of colorful outfits. I briefly wonder if they are related in some way to the strange robed figures that I encountered earlier, before watching as said tear in reality is made a great deal larger when two gargantuan beasts make their way through it as well. One seems to be a mutated moth-like creature, while the other is bipedal, and reptilian in appearance.
Music, to make an epic fight legendary. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2eImGiY72I&feature=related)
"Feel like surrendering now? It'll make things a whole lot easier on yourself.", the bearded elder asks confidently.
Surprised but not discouraged, I point Flesh Liberator in his direction. "Nope. Guess you're not a very good teacher."
The bearded elder smirks at my retort, before speaking to his posse, "I'll take the kid on myself, you deal with his friends."
I twirl Flesh Liberator around a bit in order to boost my badassery just enough to regain my aura. "Let's rock."
As we charge toward each other, the level of pure, concentrated awesome contained in the area starts to prove too much for the world around us to handle. And as our forces collide, the breaking point is surpassed. Chunks of the arena floor start to break off around us, falling into an endless black void. Jet Li and Dolph Lundgren do battle with the colorfully outfitted band of warriors, while the others focus on taking out the gargantuan reptile. Except for Sylvester Stallone, who appears to have somehow made it onto the back of the moth-beast, and is now attempting bring it crashing down.
The undead hordes panic and scatter as more and more of the arena crumbles into the blackness, and far off, massive pillars of some light blue material can be seen rising up into the sky.
Sock puppet man doesn't seem to realize what is happening, he doesn't even put up a fight. With those innocent child-like eyes he turns towards you to wave. "Hidy ho there Dirty Man!" He gives a goofy grim as you slay him. Slay him for the sake of living through hell. How you feel about it is how you feel about it, but you know that sock puppet man trusted you. With every fiber of his being. Saved you. And now you killed him, just like that. He didn't even try to dodge. The last look on his face was that goofy smile he always has. Unaware of your intent. Just saying, you are kind of a dick for killing him.
As the epic duel between me and the bearded elder continues, I catch a glimpse of sock puppet man's corpse falling into the void, and am reminded of the horrible act of injustice brought upon him and the others...Armok was right about one thing, I need to start taking responsibility for my own screw ups. Regardless of how much I hated every moment of it, their blood is on my hands. A manly tear is shed for those lost, those I will never forget, those I swear to avenge. Unfortunately, my mourning distracts me from the duel to the death that I am still actively engaged in, and the bearded elder gets a hit in that almost sends me over the edge and into the void.
"You just had be a stubborn brat, didn't you?", He says to me, as he prepares to deliver a roundhouse kick sure to finish me off. "Maybe in hell, you'll learn when to call it quits.". The lightning fast kick connects with unmatched force, though the bearded elder's confident demeanor quickly fades upon seeing his leg now firmly in my grip. "And maybe when I meet you there, you'll actually stand a chance against me.", I reply. I then spin the bearded elder around, and throw him down into the void with all the force I can muster. I watch him rapidly descend into the unknown, before going to lend a hand to my unquestionably manly allies.
The Lich King: "Impressive. Real Death Knight materiel there. Of course he'll need training. Like learning not to destroy half my army."
Armok: Cackle as only the god of blood can cackle.
Medivh: glare at Armok as only a crow can. "Azeroth is outside your domain. Don't make me intervene. I only let you send DZA here because it gets him to Azeroth.
Armok's blue-eyed friend, who has been observing the fight in the backround the whole time, is undoubtedly impressed by my performance. He begins to toss around the idea of training me to serve as a Death Knight in his army, while Armok himself breaks out into another fit of crazed cackling, overjoyed by the conflict and chaos taking place within the arena. Or what's left of it, at least.
Much to his irritation, however, Armok's joy is interrupted by the crow(who, due to my deficiency of bird-related knowledge, I mistook as a raven) glaring at him in a very crow-like fashion. Or, trying to. It's difficult to glare specifically at someone when that someone happens to be omnipresent. The crow informs Armok that he does not reign over this realm, and threatens to step in should he not act accordingly.
"Ugh, don't you have a poet to harass or something? My influence extends to wherever blood flows and death prospers. Now I don't know about you, But I'm seeing quite a lot of both down there. Now leave me be and let me enjoy this moment."
>say you lack your old companions and then use the demons as cannon fodder as you come up with a plan
>raptor: whatno, ESCAPE, GET MAD, FIND ARMOKS MANAGER AND FILE A COMPLAINT AGAINST HIM, AND WREAK SOME MOAR HAVOC ON NEARBY FOOD PILES, ARENAS, AND A WAY TO GET TO THELILYPADflesh liberator, TOADY NEEDS IT!.
Slowly but surely, the battle begins to tip in our favor. Yet even though the ensemble of badasses may help me win the current fight, that wretched blood god is almost certainly going to have many more tricks up his metaphorical sleeve. Not to mention, the one thing they can't help me with is the empty feeling I've had inside since the death of my old comrades. Luckily, I think I have an idea that could help remedy both of these problems.
I immediately take off toward one of the light blue pillars that recently popped up, jumping over areas of broken and collapsing ground when necessary. As I approach a particularly tall one, I leap into air, Flesh Liberator held tightly, and hope that I manage to time this right. At the last second, I swing the spearsword with full force, effectively slicing the pillar in two!
The upper half of the pillar lightly blows away with the breeze, and while I turn my focus to landing in a graceful and light-footed manner, a wave of demons begin to spill out into the realm.
Meanwhile, Armok is again unable to cherish the bloodshed after he notices the fan-headed raptor furiously running around and causing all sorts of mischief in his arena. "Damn it, what the hell are you doing now?? That's it, D.Z.A.'s getting a new playmate..."
The gold-cloaked man/Flesh Liberator ponders his new existence as a weapon.
He then decides to fly out of DZA's hand and kill everything opposing him in sight.
Most of the demons(the ones that didn't accidentally fall into the void) pay little attention to me, and instead decide to put their effort into hunting down the disorganized legions of undead running about. Their blue-eyed, heavily armored leader apparently does not appreciate this, and, seeing that I was the one responsible for releasing them, starts walking over, sword in hand, so that he can have a word with me, while also slaying any demon foolish enough to get in his way. It is at that moment that Flesh Liberator pulls itself from my grasp, and, after hovering in place for a few seconds, bolts toward the heavily armored figure with unprecedented speed. He tries to parry the spearsword, but the attempt goes less than ideally when the blade of his own sword is divided in two as a result. The severed sword blade sails off in an arc!
From the looks of it, he has now gone on the defensive, and is doing his best to dodge Flesh Liberator's numerous attacks and remain in one piece. He seems to be doing a good job so far, but I can't say how long that's gonna last...
"Hey D.Z.A., I have a special visitor here for y-...The fuck is going on with that spearsword of yours? Call it off before it harms the Lich King! I'm still looking forward to watching you become his undead servant.", I hear the thunderous voice of Armok command.
"Sorry, my spearsword calling skills are a bit rusty, I'm afraid. Just be thankful that you're omnipresent, blood god. Otherwise I would have done the same to you myself long ago.", I complacently tell Armok.
"Heh, be thankful you're so easy to manipulate, God-King. Otherwise I would have grown bored of you long before you had the chance..."
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: MAXIMUM.
Location: Near the Gurubashi Arena.
Inventory: Nothing.
Post by: Trapezohedron on April 20, 2012, 08:12:07 am
Armok: Summon SCP-682 and direct it at the Flesh Liberator. I mean, you do want to see the God-King become and undead slave, right?
God-King DZA: Utilize your badassery into a weapon you think is awesome and overpowered. Fight! For everlasting peace!
Post by: raptorfangamer on April 20, 2012, 12:40:29 pm
>Armok: bow before The Only Toad
Raptor: watno watdidudo tothe fleshliberator! >RAEG INTO COMBAT
Post by: dreadmullet on April 20, 2012, 02:31:24 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Vgray on April 20, 2012, 03:11:20 pm
Medivh: nod slightly. "The great Toad has spoken. All hail King DZA, the new god of blood, patron of the Dwarves, lover of chaos." Circle above what's left of the arena cawing loudly.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on April 21, 2012, 12:55:18 pm
Post by: Trapezohedron on April 21, 2012, 12:59:50 pm
DZA: Construct ye-self a bad-a** crown from Armok's obsidian bones
And encrust it with bits of his left eyeball, socketing the right eyeball in the middle.
Post by: agertor on April 21, 2012, 09:15:43 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on April 21, 2012, 09:50:23 pm
Avenge your awesome-pal Chuck Norris by pounding D.Z.A. into submission with INCREEEDIBLE POWER!
>Super Dave (Google Super Dave, first result should be Super Dave Osborne on Wikipedia.):
In one of your stunts, get in the way of the beatdown. Get blasted around the arena, bouncing around at unbelievable speed without dying because Super Dave gets ridiculously injured but never dies.
Post by: King DZA on May 01, 2012, 12:34:14 am
OH YES.
Armok: Summon SCP-682 and direct it at the Flesh Liberator. I mean, you do want to see the God-King become and undead slave, right?
God-King DZA: Utilize your badassery into a weapon you think is awesome and overpowered. Fight! For everlasting peace!
"Well, this has gone on long enough.", says the thunderous voice of Armok, as we both continue to watch his blue-eyed friend evade Flesh Liberator's fury. "It has been an amazing spectacle so far, but I think it's time we move on to the grand finale."
"I couldn't agree more.", I respond with a smile.
Suddenly, SCP-682 out of fucking nowhere! With amazing speed, an unearthly creature leaps out at Flesh Liberator, barely missing Armok's friend, and grabbing the spearsword in its mouth, latching on firmly! Flesh Liberator is unable to break free from SCP-682's grip!
Flesh Liberator attempts to pull away, while the unearthly creature tries with all its might to break or damage the spearsword. However, Both of their efforts seem to be in vain."There. That should keep your bothersome weapon distracted long enough to assimilate you into the Lich King's undead legions."
After watching the unearthly creature gnaw and thrash at Flesh Liberator for a couple seconds, I close my eyes and place my hands together, as I begin quietly chanting to myself.
"Heheheh, not much of a threat without that all-powerful spearsword of yours, are you God-King? I'm sorry to tell you this, but no amount of prayer is going to help you now."
Slowly, my aura intensifies. My third eye then opens up, glowing brilliantly with untold amounts of energy, while arcane symbols appear on the palms of my hands. "It seems you have made yet another mistake, Armok. For you see, although Flesh Liberator has been a great help to me on my adventure, I now realize something. I realize that, no matter how strong, durable, or efficient my equipment is, my most powerful weapon, is myself."
I open my eyes, which now glow with the same brilliant energy as my third one. "Let the grand finale begin."
>A challenger appears! Toady One The Great (BEYOND QUALITY)!
>Armok: bow before The Only Toad
Raptor: watno watdidudo tothe fleshliberator! >RAEG INTO COMBAT
Just then, a familiar bright light spawns nearby, momentarily illuminating the entire area. Just as I expect, once the light fades away, I find the hammer-wielding toad man standing stoically before us. It would seem Armok is a bit surprised by his arrival. "Toady One...? Ah, come to witness the God-King's execution first-hand, have you? Well worry not, I'm taking care of everything. Just sit back and enjoy the show, O Great One." Judging by his oddly submissive attitude, it's safe to say that if the blood god had any physical form, it would most certainly be bowing right now.
"I was wondering when I'd see you again, toad man. I have to thank you for showing up so conveniently. Now I can deal with both you, and that sorry waste of power named Armok at the same time, without having to go through the trouble of searching for you myself.", I say, as I feel myself continue to grow more powerful with each passing second.
The arrival of the toad man distracts me from the sound of violently whirling metal blades coming from the enraged fan-headed raptor, as it grinds both undead and demon alike into an equally fine mist, before setting its sights on me as the next target to unleash its unspeakable anger upon. It rampages toward me with intentions that are, in all likelihood, not very kind. Fortunately(for me), the arcane symbols on my palms allow me to focus the immense energy surging throughout my body, and with a sway of my hand, the enraged fan-headed raptor goes flying off into the horizon, subsequently crashing into one of the distant pillars of light blue material. "I hope you've been practicing with that hammer, toad man. I wouldn't want our final battle to be anti-climactic, after all. Let's see what you can do.""
The Toad stares at you silently. After a while, you suddenly lose consciousness. Your body disappears from existence, leaving your clothes to drop to the ground. You find yourself in possession of absolute omniscience. It's startling at first, being able to observe and do anything. You manage to take a look around the area of your body, and you see The Toad, as well as a strange, naked man. The man looks like a nerdy 13 year old, and he's begging The Toad for forgiveness. He sounds a little bit like Armok... The Toad raises his Banishment Hammer and smashes the man's skull in, then promptly disappears again.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Now levitating slightly above the ground, I wait for the toad man to make his move. However, rather than attacking, he simply stares at me with that same emotionless gaze he always has. In fact, he doesn't even bother to get into any sort of combat stance at all. Does he truly underestimate me that much?
"Fine. I was trying to be nice and let you have the first strike, but if you are going to be so unappreciative of my kindness, I'll just obliterate you now." I raise my hand in the toad man's direction, but just before I am able to commence said obliteration, I black out.
When I reawaken, I feel very peculiar. Unsure about exactly what has happened to me, I begin to fear that I have succumbed to death yet again. Though, after taking a moment to calm down, I quickly realize that is not the case. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think I've ever felt more alive.
I try to concentrate on remembering what occurred just before losing consciousness(for the millionth goddamn time), and somehow immediately find myself looking over my last known location, near the arena ruins. Interestingly, I notice my clothes laying littered on the floor. And even more interestingly, there seems to be a nude, adolescent male, considerably lacking in both physical fitness and attractiveness, desperately pleading with the toad man. Despite never seeing this person until just now, I somehow know with undoubted certainty that it is Armok. "I'm sorry! How was I supposed to know he would go all God Mode on me?? Look, I admit things didn't go exactly as I planned, but I can still handle it! Just give me one more chance!! I promise I'll- Suddenly, Armok's pleading stops, as the toad man drives his hammer firmly into the ex-deity's head, shattering the skull and pulverizing the brain!
The toad man pulls his hammer from Armok's broken mess of a cranium. The naked corpse falls over, spilling blood and brain over the surrounding earth. The toad man then looks up to the sky, before disappearing in a flash of bright light.
The Lich King: have your sword fly back into your hand fixed.
Medivh: nod slightly. "The great Toad has spoken. All hail King DZA, the new god of blood, patron of the Dwarves, lover of chaos." Circle above what's left of the arena cawing loudly.
The blue-eyed friend of Armok remains quiet. He outstretches his arm, as his sword miraculously mends itself, and flies back into his grip. The crow flies around the arena ruins, announcing that I have risen to take the place of Armok, Ex-God of Blood. It's piercing caws echo across the land, and all fighting is halted, in order to heed the bird's message.
DZA: Construct ye-self a bad-a** crown from Armok's obsidian bones
And encrust it with bits of his left eyeball, socketing the right eyeball in the middle.
"The New God of Blood...It's definitely a nice title, though God of Everything would be much more preferable. But, that is a matter another time. For now, I wish to give my powers a little test run..."
Focusing on the corpse of Armok, I watch as the lifeless body becomes twisted and mangled, until eventually, a crown made of its obsidian bones bursts from its torso.
"Hmm...All craftsmanship is of the highest quality, but it still feels like it could use something...Wait, I got it!" I then remove the eyes from Armok's corpse.
After taking a little time decorating the crown with pieces of one of the eyes, I return the other to its previous uncrushed state, and use it as the crown's centerpiece to tie the whole thing together.
"Perfect! It's a tad disappointing that I can't currently wear it myself, but who knows, maybe I'll find some worthy follower to gift it to, or something..."
For a split second, you understand EVERYTHING then you lose it.
"Alright, my omnipotence is still intact, and I'm clearly having no trouble with omnipresence...Just one last thing to check.", I say to myself. I then concentrate, and begin to briefly ponder every subject that comes to my mind, which just so happens to be every subject in existence. As the number of subjects I contemplate grows, so does my comprehension of them. Soon, it all seems to click, and everything about anything ever becomes crystal clear. No piece of information escapes my mental grasp.
"Astounding, It's all so simple. This is magnificent, it's beautiful, it's...gone? Fuck! I was sure I had that one, too...Oh well, I suppose two out of three isn't bad."
>Mr. T:
Avenge your awesome-pal Chuck Norris by pounding D.Z.A. into submission with INCREEEDIBLE POWER!
>Super Dave (Google Super Dave, first result should be Super Dave Osborne on Wikipedia.):
In one of your stunts, get in the way of the beatdown. Get blasted around the arena, bouncing around at unbelievable speed without dying because Super Dave gets ridiculously injured but never dies.
Well, it seems the pinnacle of my adventure has been reached. My power is unmatched, my companions have been avenged, and my reign is unchallenged. I, D.Z.A., am unstoppable.
"Now...Where the hell did that guy come from?", I wonder, as I observe a muscular man with a splendid little mohawk pound me into submission using his unarguably incredible power. And by me, I mean my abandoned pile of clothes on the ground. I admire his determination, but he's probably going to need a different strategy if plans on doing any actual harm to an omnipresent being like myself.
Unluckily for said incredibly powerful man, his ruthless assault on my garments is interrupted when some apparently indestructible person gets launched through the tear in reality, ricochets around what's left of the arena, and crashes into him. Super Dave Collides with Mr. T! Mr. T tumbles backwards!
So here I am, omnipotent and omnipresent God-King, currently watching over a specific area near the arena ruins. Other than the ongoing struggle between Flesh Liberator and the unearthly creature, things are fairly calm at the moment. What a very curious situation this is. Just what does one do, when they have the ability to do anything?
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: ∞.
Location: Everywhere.
Inventory: Anything.
Post by: raptorfangamer on May 01, 2012, 10:45:52 am
Slaves to DZA: God of Blood: Chapter 2: Multiracial onslaught: Histories of gluttony and industry.
>Raptor: claim flesh liberator and give to the named toad man in the room, not the wild ones in the plains
Post by: Vgray on May 01, 2012, 10:51:42 pm
> Explain to the priest that your the new god of Blood.
>Blow the Lich King back to Northrend.
Post by: King DZA on May 04, 2012, 03:04:01 am
create your own little personal world with war and blood, let a single race be
Slaves to DZA: God of Blood: Chapter 2: Multiracial onslaught: Histories of gluttony and industry.
>Raptor: claim flesh liberator and give to the named toad man in the room, not the wild ones in the plains
"Guess I might as well get started on this whole 'God of Blood and everything else' thing.", I think to myself. Glancing upon the realm I spent my last mortal moments in, I can see that it already appears to have more than enough bloodshed going on at the moment, and thus deduce that it would be best to create a fresh new world of my own. "Should be fun, having a whole planet to myself. Now, where to begin..."
After some careful contemplation, I look to a far off portion of the universe, and set on the task of forging this new world of mine. In an instant, a spherical, barren mass of rock and sea is formed, floating placidly in empty space. I decide that it will orbit a blue giant, as I like them for their brilliant luminosity. After placing the barren world an appropriate distance from the star, I prepare to speed up time so that it can age a bit, when I am suddenly struck with a realization. "Hmm, if this is going to be my personal world, I should choose a specific race to be responsible for spreading my glory across it. Wouldn't want to have to unleash Holy Judgment upon my creations as punishment for lack of belief in me or anything like that. But what race should this chosen race be...Should I make my own? Should I just borrow an existing one from somewhere? Choices, choices..."
Meanwhile, the fan-headed raptor, having made its way all the way back to the arena ruins to retrieve Flesh Liberator, is disgruntled to find that the unearthly creature that currently possesses it does not plan on handing it over any time soon. The unearthly creature is a powerful foe indeed. It's certainly going to take some true skill to remove the spearsword from its clutches.
> Use your awesome powers to bring your companions back to life.
> Explain to the priest that your the new god of Blood.
>Blow the Lich King back to Northrend.
As I ponder which race will be working on my behalf, my focus begins to stray, and I shortly find myself reminiscing over the times now past that I spend with my companions. "Fuck I miss them...I'd give anything just to be able to bring them ba- Wait, of course! How the hell did I not think of that earlier??" I then look back to the arena ruins and, ignoring the standoff between the unearthly creature and the fan-headed raptor, lift the corpses of my fallen companions into the sky, where I return them to their pre-murdered states, and imbue them with the life they once held.
I am filled with a deep sense of joy when I see them open their eyes, and take their first breath of revival. After they get past the initial shock of being suspended several thousand feet in the air, I regale them with a story of the events that occurred since their death, along with the current situation, explain my reason for doing what I did, and apologize from the bottom of my (no longer existent) heart for my mistake. "I just hope you're all able to forgive me for my betrayal. I- oh, give me a second. There's something I've got to take care of real quick."
I lift Armok's friend to the same altitude as the others. "Sorry about not joining that now decimated undead army of yours, servitude just isn't really my cup of tea. No hard feelings, But I think its time you returned to your own domain. Just remember, I'll be watching." With that, an immense burst of energy blasts him back to the realm's northernmost continent. With luck, his landing will not be too unpleasant.
So, my companions are now alive and well, my blank canvas of a planet is ready to be transformed into a thriving, life-bearing homeworld, and I'm feeling the best I have in a long, long time. Right now, the possibilities are endless. the only challenge in front of me is choosing which of those possibilities I wish to explore.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: ∞.
Location: Everywhere.
Inventory: Anything.
Post by: dreadmullet on May 04, 2012, 08:53:37 am
Post by: Trapezohedron on May 04, 2012, 09:22:19 am
Post by: Vgray on May 04, 2012, 12:32:48 pm
Post by: raptorfangamer on May 04, 2012, 01:13:52 pm
>Raptor: AGHEOHFOEWRHWORHEWOURW KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL
Post by: agertor on May 04, 2012, 06:59:07 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on May 05, 2012, 09:51:33 pm
>Miner: Warily stare at DZA.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on May 08, 2012, 04:53:23 pm
Mr. Referee shows up and declares it an official tournament
Post by: Vgray on May 09, 2012, 11:37:25 am
The Great Old Ones have decided that you have become to big of a threat and decide that you need to be taken down a notch.
Mr. Referee shows up and declares it an official tournamentrodeity battle, following tournament standards.
> In attendance we have, Sargeras, Medivh, The Titans, and whatever Azerothian Old Gods still exist. And the Lich King. And the Toad Man.
Post by: Trapezohedron on May 09, 2012, 12:34:44 pm
Post by: King DZA on May 15, 2012, 09:25:19 pm
> You decide to have some fun with world generation. After all, you can do anything, you might as well have some fun with your powers. First, you put a layer of solid gold on the surface. Neat, but boring. Then, add whatever sounds cool. Continents made out of pizza, mountains made out of moustaches, and oceans comprised entirely out of unicorns? Awesome! Then, just because you can, instantiate an orbiting moon made entirely out of cheese.
Do GODLY stuff. Then get bored of it, be reborn as yourself in your perfectly ordinary timelin-- actually no, just make a world. Govern over it. Become God.
After allowing my companions to slowly drop back down onto solid ground, my attention is turned back to my recently created, currently bare planet. Feeling creative, I decide that this world will be like no other. My first action on the road to achieving this goal, is transforming the planet's crust into the purest, most solid gold this universe has ever known. "There we g- HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT'S BRIGHT!!!", I exclaim, as the light given off by the blue giant is now reflected with blinding intensity.
Thankful that I lack a pair of physical, damageable eyeballs, I continue my work, and focus on the planet's seas. Seas which, by my will, soon become made up entirely of coffee. Delicious, satisfying coffee. Up next is plantlife. Seeing as the same basic organic material for such entities has been used over and over for eons now, I conclude that I shall mix things up a bit by ensuring that all plantlife on this new planet is composed of solid platinum. Also, rather than bearing anything reasonably edible, these plants and trees will instead grow a plethora of other useful items. Such as clothing, books, weaponry, and hilarious novelty coffee mugs. To make things more exciting, the fruits and vegetables of this planet will forsake their immobile nature, and roam the land in herds, where they will have to be tracked and hunted if they are to be consumed.
I then use my supreme powers of dairimancy to form a wondrous moon of cheese to orbit around this bizarre shining world of mine. Pepperjack, to be specific. To give the lunar cycle that extra zest.
> recall the words of the crow/raven/human/shapshifting wizard thing. Ponder them.
Happy, but not yet totally satisfied with the current state of my personal world, I take a few moments to ponder whether there's anything it might be missing. Though, annoyingly, I soon discover that I am unable to keep my train of thought focused on the matter of planet creation. Instead, it is the enigmatic words of my feathery prophetic friend that insistently beckon my mind's attention...
> The Prophet Medivh, appears out of nowhere. "Go now DZA. Go to the world of Azeroth. Seek your destiny."
"Now that I think about it, I suppose travelling to that realm did lead to my eventual rise to godhood, I wonder if that's what the old crow was talking about...Guess he wasn't just rambling a bunch nonsense then."
> Medivh "Hmm. I will be watching you DZA. Look to the skies. And you might want to find a wizard."
"Well now that I'm gifted with omnipresence, I guess it would be kind of impossible for him to not watch me, and I should have no trouble looking to the skies, considering I can now see every portion of the skies from every angle imaginable. However, I don't remember ever having any pressing need to locate a wizard...But, seeing as I'm now capable of viewing the location of every single wizard in existence with relative ease, or simply creating one if I'm feeling especially lazy, should the need for a wizard ever arise, I doubt it would be too much of a hassle to fulfill.
Maybe the crow simply suggested it because wizards make nice company..."
Medivh: nod slightly. "The great Toad has spoken. All hail King DZA, the new god of blood, patron of the Dwarves, lover of chaos." Circle above what's left of the arena cawing loudly.
"Patron of the dwarves...I don't see why not. It's not like I really have anything against the little drunks. As for being a lover of chaos, I'd definitely agree that a little disorder to shake things up once in a while can be a good thing, especially when I'm the one responsible for it. I still prefer God of Everything over God of Blood, though...."
>descend at the world with a thousand of demigods with the same name, last name, attributes, and skill-set, along with many fortresses that have doubtful morality and are pretty much full of creations never seen before
>Raptor: AGHEOHFOEWRHWORHEWOURW KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL
In that moment of relaxed contemplation, I am struck with an epiphany, and become instantly aware of what must be done in order to perfect my shining planet.
High above the planet, a thousand demigods are spawned. Glorious, powerful beings. Each identical in name, characteristics, and abilities. I also conjure up several hundred grand fortresses that I plan to settle upon the planet as well. Currently suspended floating in space, all of these fortresses contain great hordes of extraordinary artifacts and inventions, unheard of to any entity in existence. Though the fortresses themselves have morals of a questionable nature....Not entirely sure how that works, but whatever. Finally, I create a copy of my old physical body to temporarily inhabit, so that I may lead my new legion of loyal followers safely down to their new home.
As we touch down on the world's surface, and the demigods grace the land with their magnificent splendor, the fortresses spread out and slowly descend as well, fusing with the shining planet's solid gold crust upon contact with it. At last, this world feels complete.
Meanwhile, after a bloody and heated battle, everyone's favorite partially mechanical prehistoric reptile has managed to damage the unearthly creature enough to pry Flesh Liberator from its grip. Unfortunately for the wounded and exhausted fan-headed raptor, the unearthly creature is recovering at a remarkable speed, and will no doubt be in fighting condition again before long.
Sock puppet man is back! Sock puppet man is screaming as he runs around in a circle, waving his arms like a crazy person. The sock is even on his hand screaming and... chasing sock puppet man? "I tried so hard for you to die and you have the guts to come back? I will kill you myself!" The Sock puppet man is crying as he runs away yelling about how he was sorry. Eventually Sock puppet man finds D.Z.A. and runs towards him, screaming with some snot and tears running down his face. "Dirty man!" He would then go to drop kick you in the chest hard. You would actually get knocked for quite a loop from the amount of power. By the time you open your eyes, his sock hand is in your face, the dirty buttons for eyes staring into what is your very essence, and for once, you actually feel fear. "I'll fucking murder you myself you try that shit again." The Sock puppet man would retract his hand, smiling like an imbecile now. You have to wonder now, thinking back for a moment, when sock puppet man died, the sock had mysteriously left. Maybe... no... you are the only true god now right?
As I stroll around the dark side of my planet, picking through the many treasures of the platinum trees, I spot something out of the corner of my eye. Something that fills me with immense joy once I realize just what it is I'm looking at. "Could it be...I...I can't believe it, it is! A '#1 God-King' coffee mug! Kickass!!", I happily shout. "I should head over to the beach and...What was that?", I think to myself, as I hear screams of pure terror pierce through the air that I totally didn't forget to add during the planet's creation, severely reducing my overall level of joyfulness.
The source of the screaming soon makes itself apparent, when I see the sock puppet man running toward me, clearly very upset about something.
"How the hell did you get here? Okay, just relax, take a deep breath, an- My attempt at calming the sock puppet man is then abruptly cut off when the wind is knocked out of me by an unexpected drop kick to the chest. The drop kick was delivered with such force that it actually caused me to comically spin around in midair for a bit, before slamming headfirst onto the solid gold ground beneath me.
With a puddle of blood beginning to form around my head, I try getting up, only to be startled by the sock puppet man's sock puppet, which is currently being held only an inch from my face. There is something deeply unsettling about that button-eyed piece of footwear, and it isn't just the foul stench. No, it's something...Else. Something unnatural, that shakes me to the very core of my being. And as I listen to the sock puppet speak in an unnerving, sinister voice, seemingly of its own accord, I can't help but feel....Afraid. Although, that sensation of fear quickly transforms into anger when I glance over and see the shattered remains of my coffee mug.
I stand up, as the sock puppet man pulls his hand away. He appears to have cheered up pretty fast. He now simply stands before me, smiling as if he were completely oblivious to what just happened. Maybe it's just due to my recent head-to-ground collision, but I seem to recall that, when I had slain the sock puppet man along with the rest of my comrades, the sock puppet itself was nowhere to be seen. I glare suspiciously at the sock puppet, before allowing my body to crumble into a pile of glowing dust, so that I may return to my omnipresent state.
>Super Dave: Collide with the Lich King in midair, making a wave of stunt-dead summoning.
>Miner: Warily stare at DZA.
On another note, during his trip back to the northern lands, the airborne prince of darkness was somehow unexpectedly struck by the very same indestructible person that took down the mohawked assaulter of my clothing earlier. Not only did this knock him well off the course to said northern lands, it also caused his powers to trigger involuntarily, subsequently leading to the erratic summoning of several undead minions. Could cause quite a bit of trouble depending on where they land, assuming they survive the fall.
The miner, still understandably cautious of the now inconceivably powerful person responsible for taking his life only a short time ago, attempts to keep a watchful eye on me, unsure of what I might have in store for him and the others. Of course, due to the whole omnipresent thing, it really just looks like he's worryingly staring off into space.
"You need not worry, my friend. I promise that the chances of me killing you again are very, very slim. Now run along and do whatever it is a recently resurrected miner does. There's a beautiful, shining world out there that needs my godly, invaluable guidance.", I reassuringly tell the miner.
The Great Old Ones have decided that you have become to big of a threat and decide that you need to be taken down a notch.
Mr. Referee shows up and declares it an official tournamentrodeity battle, following tournament standards.
> In attendance we have, Sargeras, Medivh, The Titans, and whatever Azerothian Old Gods still exist. And the Lich King. And the Toad Man.
All is well on my young, shining planet. The the fruit is flourishing, the demigods are enjoying themselves, aaaannnd it just exploded."What. The. Fuck.", I say to myself, as I watch the fragments of my world scatter across space after violently blowing up without warning."Well, that's a good way to piss me off. That was clearly no natural explosion, meaning someone was responsible for it...Time to find out who that is, and make them regret ever being born on the same plane of existence as me."
On account of being everywhere, it doesn't take me long to find out that it was not just one being responsible for my planet's destruction, but many. The culprits turn out to be a recently reawakened ancient pantheon of other deities. Though spread far and wide across the cosmos, they seems to be in collective agreement that my place is not among the gods, and seek to remove me from the position appointed to me by the toad man. Guess they were using the detonation of my planet to make a point."Aww, do you all feel threatened by me? I didn't mean to steal control of the universe away from you while you were napping, but seeing as you had to go and screw with my plans, I personally feel that the best course of action for me would be to tear each of you apart atom by atom BEFORE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO EVEN THINK ABOUT HOW FUCKED YOU A- "Wait!", I hear a much smaller voice interrupt.
Travelling around in a small spacecraft, a gray haired, Moustachio'd man in a snazzy uniform goes on to inform me that Tournament Deity Battle Rules strictly forbid the atomic disassembling of other competitors.
"Tournament deity battle?"
"That's right! I declare this to be an official Tournament Deity Battle! For this tournament, I shall act as referee, me, Mr. Referee."
"Bullshit. You're working for them, aren't you?"
"Of course not! My only duty here is to make sure that the Deity Battle Rules are properly followed. Now then, since this is your first official deity battle, I shall now explain the rules of the tournament:
Each participating pantheon will select three of its members to make up their representing team. Matches between representing teams will take place on an assortment of specially selected planets. Team members will compete using their respective chosen ones, with a limit of a single chosen one per member. There will be no time limit during tournament matches, matches will end once a team leader's chosen one ceases to live, whereby the opposing team will be declared victorious. At the end of the tournament, the leader of the last remaining team will be rewarded with the title of Universal Deity Battle Champion, and their pantheon with full reign over the universe, while all members of the losing pantheons will be scattered and imprisoned across the cosmos, where they will remain in a death-like sleep for the next four eons! Do you understand these rules?"
"Wait, what? Where the hell do I get a chosen one??"
"A chosen one can be any entity that you choose to fight for you during the tournament. For example, members of the loose pantheon of Great Old Ones usually prefer to select their most devout and powerful cultists to serve as their chosen ones. It's also important to keep in mind that you will have a greater chance of success if your chosen one is able to work well with the chosen ones of your teammates."
"Right, about that...I, uh, haven't really gotten far enough into my godhood to have built up a pantheon of other deities yet..." As I speak, I can hear members of the ancient reawakened pantheon snicker and cackle at my general lack of experience.
"...Can't I just obliterate them myself?"
"Of course not! If we just let the deities of the universe battle it out on their own, it wouldn't be long before there was no universe left! That infinite power of yours has to be kept in check. I'm afraid if you want to seize control over this universe, you're going to have to do it by the books.", the self proclaimed tournament referee responds.
"Ugh, can't I just choose not to participate?"
"Certainly. All you have to do is forfeit the tournament, and your four eon imprisonment in the center of a supermassive black hole can begin immediately."
"God fucking damn it...Alright, fine. I'll do it. Just...Give me some time to prepare."
"Then we are in agreement! The participating pantheons will be given the set time of one decade to prepare for the coming tournament. Any participants that fail to ready themselves by that time will be disqualified! Remember, the entire universe will be watching, so make sure to be a good sport, and put your best foot or any other appendage forward!"
> Also, Mi-Go gain an interest in DZA's brains. They appear and attempt to extract the God-King's brain, for unknown purposes.
Elsewhere, a peculiar race of large, winged, crustacean-esque beings have become fascinated with the cranium encased vital organ that is my brain, and have thus begun thoroughly searching all across many galaxies, both near and distant, in the hopes of finding at least some trace of it. Unfortunately for them, despite their persistent efforts, the fact that I am currently without any physical body, and by relation, any physical, extractable brains, means that their endeavor is a fruitless one.
So, here I am. Lacking a personal world, a pantheon, a chosen one, and my fucking coffee mug. As my luck would have it, I have been challenged for control of the universe, and in order to overcome this challenge, at least half of those things will be required. A decade may seem like a good while, but you'd be surprised how quickly time seems to pass when your expected lifespan surpasses all comprehensible numbers.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: ∞.
Location: Everywhere.
Inventory: Anything.
Post by: dreadmullet on May 15, 2012, 10:03:20 pm
> You gather at your pepperjack moon (now swiss cheese from the planetary fragments) and explain what's going down.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Vgray on May 15, 2012, 10:14:42 pm
> Panic.
> Medivh appears as a human and snaps you to your senses. "Make use of the Pantheon of Armok DZA. Or perhaps you consider one your companions worthy of Godhood? The universe is better off with your kind of chaos. Now I must go back to the stands. The Lich King wants to tell you he will relish the moment you get sent to the Abyss."
*Summoning may include bringing them back to life. Again.
Post by: Powder Miner on May 15, 2012, 10:30:38 pm
Post by: Trapezohedron on May 15, 2012, 11:42:55 pm
He insults you, and makes fun of your (eventual) failures.
Post by: raptorfangamer on May 16, 2012, 11:26:23 am
Raptor: NONONONONONONONO *throws flesh liberator near toady* *uses the shining reflecting surface of head to return to mirror realm, failing, and losing its material body*
Post by: agertor on May 16, 2012, 01:06:34 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on May 16, 2012, 09:25:16 pm
>get your companions and power them up! then carefully choose the best one! Tholtig! the one warrior who even took a last stand for time!This.
>Flesh Liberator: Finally re-assume human form.
Post by: King DZA on June 04, 2012, 05:49:04 pm
Also, this message would have gone in the same post as the actual update, if it hadn't have caused it to EXCEED THE MOTHERFUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT! I've never once had the problem before. And although it was a mild inconvenience, I think it shows just how far this story has come. Even if it was mostly because of the large amounts of big colored text contained within this particular update.
Post by: King DZA on June 08, 2012, 07:32:26 am
> You find two rejected gods roaming the universe. The first is Iifyras, Goddess of Lazyness, and the other is Doardham, God of Being A Dick. You attempt to recruit them to your empty pantheon.
> You gather at your pepperjack moon (now swiss cheese from the planetary fragments) and explain what's going down.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Desperate to find allies who can assist me in the the coming tournament, I quickly locate two other deities who are currently inhabiting a very distant planetary system, near the edge of the universe itself. As far as I can tell, they don't belong to any specific pantheon, which instantly makes them perfect candidates for my own. One appears to be asleep, while the other is busy hurling asteroids at various life-harboring planets.
"Hello there! Sorry to interrupt whatever the hell it is you're doing, but I, D.Z.A., God of Blood and everything else have found myself in quite a predicament, and would like to offer -....Um, has your friend yet to reawaken or something?", I curiously ask, as I watch the sleeping goddess slowly orbit around one of the nearby planets, curled up in fetal position. Of course, the Illusory Aura surrounding her would probably cause her to be seen as nothing more than a small, lifeless moon to any peering mortal eye. Pretty clever, I must say.
"Nah, she just likes to sleep in." The god responds, as he searches the local asteroid belt for more suitably sized projectiles.
"Oh. Well how long has she been asleep?"
"Close to two centuries now. Want me to wake her up?"
"That would be lovely. I have quite a proposition for the both of you, and I think it would be best if you were both fully conscious to hear it.", I say, trying my best to be polite toward the beings that may be my only hope for victory at the tournament. I then watch as the god travels over to the sleeping goddess, grabs her by the hair, and chucks her into the system's local star.
Shocked by this ruthless display, I find myself at a loss for words. The now rather charred goddess, on the other hand, isn't quite as speechless. "What the HELL did you do that for!?", the goddess yells, as she reappears beside the god responsible for her sudden awakening.
"Some omnipresent god of everything wants to propose to you, or some shit like that."
"Re...Really?", the goddess asks, as her mood starts to lift."Still, you could have just nudged me awake, or something."
"Actually, I ha-
"Heh, yeah. Yeah I could have."
"You seem to be mis-
"But, why would an all-god choose me of all deities to propose to? Are you trying to trick me again, Doardham?"
"PROPOSITION! I have a PROPOSITION for you two, I'm not marrying anyone!"
"Oh.", the goddess says plaintively, as her demeanor suddenly becomes much less cheerful."I'm going back to sleep."
"Wait! I still haven't even told you what the proposition is yet!"
"...How long will it take?"
"I promise I'll be as quick as possible. Please, just listen to what I have to say. I swear that it will be well worth your time." The two deities look at each other for a moment, before agreeing to hear me out.
"Thank you. Now then, to the pepperjack moon!"
One nigh-instantaneous journey across the cosmos later...
After giving my two immortal acquaintances a speedy yet informative summary of my current situation, I kindly ask each of them to join my pantheon and assist me in the Tournament Deity Battle.
The god, who I now know to be named Doardham, raises his hand to put forth an inquiry."Quick question:
Why exactly are we having this meeting on a giant ball of space cheese?"
"Because it's the best interstellar Base of Operations I could come up with on short notice. Now are you helping me or not?"
"I don't know, winning the tournament sounds like it would take a lot of work...", the goddess replies in a tone of uncertainty.
"Perhaps. But the reward for achieving victory would easily make up for the effort required. Just think, if we succeed, the course of the entire universe will be ours to decide!"
"being responsible for the whole universe sounds like even more work..."
"But that's just it! If we win, you don't have to be responsible for anything, neither of you do! After you're finished assisting me, the two of you will be free to do whatever you please. I'm more than willing to take on all the responsibility of guiding the universe down the right path, while you can both carry on with your lives however you wish, in undisturbed peace.", I explain further.
"Hmm..."
"Very inspiring. D.Z.A., I would be honored to stand alongside you in this upcoming tournament. Combined, our forces will be able to conquer any obstacles that arise on our path to victory. I cannot thank you for offering this magnificent opportunity to me and my friend. I am eternally grateful."
"Great to hear! Now all you'll need to do is pick out a chosen one a-
"Pfff, nah I'm just kidding. That's fucking stupid."
"I...Actually think it sounds pretty nice."
"Well yeah, but that's because you're fucking stupid, too. No big surprise there." Discouraged, the goddess lowers her head.
Aware that every second that passes is a second that could have been used preparing, and feeling somewhat out of options, I decide to try a different approach to convince the ill-mannered deity to cooperate with me. "Doardham, have you ever heard of a weapon by the name of 'Flesh liberator'?"
"No, why?"
"It is spearsword, you see. A very peculiar piece of weaponry on its own. But that's not all, it is also one of the single most powerful weapons, in all of existence. It has an edge so sharp, it is able to slice through the very fabric of reality."
"Is there a point to this, or do you simply enjoy informing me of things I couldn't care less about?"
"Oh, yes, sorry. As it turns out, I am the owner of this great and mysterious weapon. Now, if you are not willing to become a member of my pantheon and help me win the steadily approaching Tournament Deity Battle, I am going to take Flesh Liberator, and use it to personally preform a lobotomy on you until I manage to change your mind."
Surprised by my change in attitude, Doardham takes some time to rethink his stance on the matter. "Okay, fine. I'll join your pantheon. But only on the condition that once this is all over, you never bother me again."
"Deal. You, other...Deity, you in?"
"Yeah...I guess. My name is Iifyras, by the way."
"Awesome. Now, let me just call up a few friends, and we can get ourselves some chosen ones."
> summon* your companions, look over them, choose the priest as your first champion. Technically he's your priest now.
> Panic.
> Medivh appears as a human and snaps you to your senses. "Make use of the Pantheon of Armok DZA. Or perhaps you consider one your companions worthy of Godhood? The universe is better off with your kind of chaos. Now I must go back to the stands. The Lich King wants to tell you he will relish the moment you get sent to the Abyss."
*Summoning may include bringing them back to life. Again.
>Choose Super Dave as a champion. It can't hurt to have an indestructible guy as a champion can i oh wow he retained his momentum upon summoning.
>get your companions and power them up! then carefully choose the best one! Tholtig! the one warrior who even took a last stand for time!This.
In no time at all, every one of my companions soon find themselves standing upon the surface of my pepperjack moon, each showing varying amounts of confusion and terror due to their abrupt change in location.
"Welcome all, to my glorious moon of pepperjack cheese! Lovely to have you here. Be sure to watch your step, the explosion of my planet created some pretty sizable holes in this thing. Oh, and feel free to keep and chunks of solid gold you find.". As I go on to explain my reason for summoning them, I use my godly powers to buff up my companions' natural(and unnatural)abilities. Partly because I want to ensure that I have a winning team regardless of who Doardham and Iifyras choose, and partly because I don't want my companions dying horrible, agonizing deaths as a result of being summoned to a location completely incapable of sustaining mortal life.
"My fellow deities, you are looking at a group of some of the strongest, bravest, most reliable mortals this galaxy has to offer. I feel that many of them have already proven themselves exceedingly worthy of fighting in this tournament, and have no doubt that each of them would make an excellent chosen one in their own unique way. All you have to do is select which of these amazing individuals will have that chance.", I announce to the two newly accepted members of my pantheon.
"Um, I choose...That one.", Iifyras says, pointing to a small nearby object embedded in the surface of the moon.
"That's...Not one of my companions. That's the severed arm of one of my demigods.", I inform the goddess.
"So? I like it. Looks very relaxed.", the goddess argues.
"That's because it's a SEVERED ARM. A lifeless, severed arm. Lifeless and relaxed are two completely different things, I assure you."
"Look, I already agreed to help you, why do you have to make it so difficult?!"
*sigh* So, your chosen one, one of the individuals we will be relying on to ensure that we attain control of the universe and avoid a four eon long imprisonment, is going to be a cold, dead appendage, once belonging to a member of my chosen race, that lacks the capability to preform almost any task on its own...And you see no problem with that whatsoever?"
"..."
"...Whatever, keep the arm.", I concede. "Doardham, who do you choose?"
"I haven't decided yet. Who are you choosing?"
"I'm not completely sure yet either, but I'm thinking I'll go with the priest, considering he-
"Cool, I'll choose the priest then."
"Seriously...? Fine, guess it's not that big a deal. I'll just pick someone else. Hmmm, How about..." After a moment of thought, I summon the indestructible man to my pepperjack moon, so that I may consider having him serve as my chosen one. Endurance like his would be immensely useful in a tournament such as this, after all. Much to my surprise, however, I find out that the summoning process had little to no effect on the man's amazing velocity, and watch as he shoots off into deep space only fractions of a second after arriving.
"OK, never mind. Maybe I'll just go with Tholtig..."
"Wait, I changed my mind. I choose Tholtig. Unless you still plan to choose the priest, of course. In which case I'll stick with him.", Doardham says with a smirk.
Increasingly worried about the fact that my chances succeeding in the tournament continue to dwindle, the thought of being trapped in a death-like sleep for several long eons feels like it's getting closer and closer to becoming a reality. And as time continues to tick away, the stress finally gets to me, and I begin to have a minor panic attack."Screw it, we're fucked! I'm fucked, you're fucked, the entire goddamn universe is fucked! I might as well waltz into a fucking black hole and imprison myself. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with all this added bullshit!!"
"Woah, relax. we still have plenty of time."
"Do you know how long four eons is, Iifyras?? DO YOU!?"
"I dunno, a long time?"
"A REALLY FUCKING LONG TIME! Don't tell me to relax when-
"D.Z.A.! Calm yourself!", I hear a voice suddenly command. A voice I instantly recognize as that of the elderly, shapeshifting prophet.
Landing down on my pepperjack moon, he advises that I look into recruiting deities from the late blood god's vast pantheon, which I admit probably wouldn't be too difficult. The prophet also suggests that I consider uplifting one of my very own companions into the ranks of the gods. After giving me a few words of encouragement, and a spiteful message from Armok's friend, the prophet transforms and flies off, leaving me to contemplate his intriguing recommendations.
"One of my own companions...It's not that I doubt their competence, but it is a decision that I would have to take great care in making, as I could see it greatly worsening my situation just as quickly as it could resolve it. I haven't the slightest idea how I'd make such a choice, but for now I suppose I can leave it open as a possibility. As for utilizing the pantheon of Armok...It could work. The problem is, Armok's Vast Pantheon always has the tendency of being a bit...random." I then momentarily turn my focus back to Doardham and Iifyras.
"...Fuck it, worth a try. It's not like I could do much worse, anyway."
While I could try to persuade any one of the thousands and thousands of gods and goddesses already belonging to Armok's pantheon, I get the feeling that it would be best if I instead simply used the same method as the ex-blood god to whip up a fresh batch of my own, so that I may approach them as their wise and knowing creator, rather than the person that overtook him and proceeded to craft a magnificent crown out of his corpse.
Putting in little effort, I hastily spawn a small world in a lifeless and relatively empty planetary system. After some quick preparations, I speed up the rate of advancement on the planet, allowing it to evolve through several decades worth of history in just over a second. Once this process is complete, I revert the world's advancement rate back to normal and open up the Book of Legends, so that I may look into some of the deities that have naturally arisen to reign over the nondescript planet:
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> You meet your future self, who is apparently much, much stronger than you, and is also bleeding with whatever (spectral) blood gods bleed.
He insults you, and makes fun of your (eventual) failures.
Pleased with my significant increase in options, I look to my moon of pepperjack cheese to check up on things, only to find my companions casually socializing with a very unusual, almost etheric version of....Myself?
"excuse me, who the hell are you?", I ask the mysterious look-a-like.
"Even better:
Why are you asking a question you already very well know the answer to?", he responds.
"Heh, fair enough. Tell me then, me, what exactly are you doing here?", I inquire, as I curiously inspect this apparent other version of myself. Although his bodily form clearly resembles my old organic structure, he seems to be composed purely of energy. How very odd.
"I have my reasons for returning to the past. The journey here was...Very exhausting. So, I figured I'd stop by here, get a chance to chat with our lovely companions once again, and witness the beginning of my own downfall for entertainment while I recover a bit."
"Ah, so you're from the future, then?"
"Very good. Your deductive prowess is right on par with your ability to state the obvious."
"The question was rhetorical, no need to be an ass. Anyway, would these time travelling escapades have anything to do with the fact that you're leaking shimmering fluid all over the damn place? And what was that I heard about a downfall?"
"It's blood, you fool. Although admittedly not like any blood you've yet encountered. The amount of power contained within a single drop is beyond the comprehension of even the wisest of minds, which is why I must recuperate before going about my business in this time period. As for our downfall..." He pauses for a moment.
You have no idea what you're going up against, young God-King. The opponents you will soon face, are unlike any you've ever dealt with before. For as long as there has been a universe to fight over, they have been honing their strategies, and painstakingly assembling their forces, in order to gain as much of an edge in the tournament as they possibly can. They are incredibly experienced and unspeakably merciless.
Not to mention that surviving the unforgiving environments your chosen ones will be thrown into is already a challenge on its own. It has taken even the strongest of pantheons several attempts before finally achieving victory in the tournament. What makes you think you can win your first time around?"
"You know, I'm very disappointed by what a pessimist I've apparently grown into. I shouldn't need to to tell you that this isn't the first time the odds have been stacked against me. yet no matter what challenge is placed before me, I always manage to overcome it. Despite what you say, I am more than confident that this time will be no different."
Future me chuckles lightly. "So naive...That confidence will only make the loss that much more unbearable. Don't you realize that I speak not from pessimism, but experience? What is your plan to defeat your enemies in the tournament then, hm? What do you have that could give you even the slightest chance of success? Two forsaken deities and a handful of minor Armokian gods and goddesses? Are you willing to risk the very souls of your companions in order to boost your hopelessly pathetic odds??"
"What do you mean 'risk their souls'? And forsaken deities? What the hell are you on about?", I ask in a stern tone, as I start to become slightly irritated.
"Oh, that's right. You don't know, do you? A little detail no one ever bothers to point out: To ensure that deities do not simply resurrect old tournament veterans and champions to fight for them, any chosen ones that are struck down in the tournament have their souls bound eternally to a special afterlife. Meaning that not even you, in all your wonderful omnipotence, will be allowed to bring them back." Future me then glares over at Doardham and Iifyras.
"As for those two worthless excuses for allies, the only reason you were able to recruit them to your pantheon, is because the pantheons they originally belonged to exiled them long ago, and all others refuse to take them in." The two deities prepare to speak out against what has been said about them, but another menacing glare from future me causes them to remain silent.
"I need to get going. And you need to accept the fact that you're simply not strong enough to win this tournament. I suggest that you simply relax and enjoy the rest of the decade. It's going to be a long, long time before you get the opportunity to do so again." Staring off into a distant part of the galaxy, future me speaks once more, as he slowly dissipates into nothingness."One more piece of advice, before I depart:
Keep an eye on the sock puppet man."
Raptor: NONONONONONONONO *throws flesh liberator near toady* *uses the shining reflecting surface of head to return to mirror realm, failing, and losing its material body*
Back near the arena ruins, aware of his dire situation, the fan-headed raptor takes careful aim, before using all of its might to launch Flesh Liberator far off into the sky, ensuring that it remains out of the grasp of the nigh-completely healed unearthly creature. Assuming the force and trajectory of the throw was calculated correctly, the spearsword should reach the toad-man in a matter of minutes.
Satisfied with what it has accomplished, the fan-headed raptor readies itself to travel back to the mirror realm. Properly aligning its reflective, metallic fan-head with the sun, it can feel itself start to be transported from one realm to the other. Rather unluckily, however, a large cloud rolls in mid-transition and blocks the shining rays of light necessary to complete the journey across realms. By the time the cloud passes, the fan-headed raptor is unpleasantly surprised to find that its spirit and body become disconnected yet again.
Now lacking the guidance of its spirit, the body of the fan-headed raptor runs off aimlessly into the wilderness, where it is certain to have all sorts of wacky and exciting misadventures, undoubtedly leading to many life changing experiences that will reshape the way it views both itself, and the world around it. Or it'll get itself killed. Either one.
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Curious about what my future self meant by his departing words, I gaze upon the sock puppet man, only to see him running wildly around the pepperjack moon, stopping only every few seconds to drop down and thoroughly lick the moon's zesty surface. Adding to my confusion, I am unable to tell whether this behavior is due to him enjoying the flavor of the moon itself, or the blood that future me so carelessly spilled all over it."Yeah, because this is something I definitely need to see.", I sarcastically think to myself. Yet, only a moment later, a crazed laughter is heard coming from my pepperjack moon. I look back, and am bewildered when I spot the small black hole that appears to have sprung up out of thin air. "The hell..."
Thankfully, it doesn't ceaselessly suck in and consume all matter around it like one would expect of a black hole. Instead, it merely remains suspended just above the surface of the moon in a seemingly harmless fashion. Disturbingly, I am soon shown that the nature of this black hole is not as harmless as I would prefer when, shortly after shouting something, the sock puppet man is atomized as a result of diving directly into it. His sock puppet follows closely behind, somehow staying in one piece as it is pulled into the black hole, much to my discontent. If being omnipresent didn't make it so hard to tell, I'd even go so far as to say that it was staring directly at me with one of its cold, insidious little button eyes as it left.
If I understood the sock puppet man's shouting correctly, he needed to get something, and should be back before long. If it were anyone else, I would highly doubt the truthfulness of such a statement, but the sock puppet man has already demonstrated on more than one occasion his ability to show up in places he has no reasonable means of getting to, which leaves me unsure of how to react to his apparent suicide.
Just as fast as it arrived, the black hole disappears without a trace, and an uncomfortable silence lingers as everyone tries to understand what exactly the hell just happened. Of course, it isn't a very long wait before said silence is abruptly shattered by the sudden reemergence of the sock puppet man via a considerably bigger black hole. With a bright smile on his face, the sock puppet man holds a small radio, blasting an epic tune (http://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=1mrxOT6bFvo&feature=related). The mystery of where he obtained the radio from is quickly set aside when I notice several huge arms protruding from the black hole. It's difficult to tell, but I think I hear the sock puppet man scream something about the arms being his friend, greatly reducing any worry I previously had about them. I also see that he is no longer wearing that untrustworthy sock puppet of his, putting me in an even better mood.
Yet, as I should have expected, my happiness is not meant to last. Before I can even begin to express my joy, the sock puppet makes its own reappearance, sewn atop the head of the colossal, faceless, six-armed monstrosity that has climbed its way out of the black hole, somehow making it several times larger in the process."Good god, it's like it swam through a sea of clown vomit.", I say, observing the beast's strange coloration of green, red, and blue.
Right after exiting the black hole, the colossal monstrosity reaches back into it, removing the most massive glowing red chain I've ever laid eyes upon. To be honest, It's also the very first glowing red chain I've ever laid eyes upon, but it is still of incredible size. Even by normal, non-glowing chain standards. Now wielding the massive, glowing red chain, the colossal monstrosity turns its head to the side, presumably in order to look toward me. But, you know, omnipresent and all. The now sock puppetless sock puppet man turns around to face the monstrosity, and it is in that very moment, that I see something I don't recall ever seeing before in the sock puppet man. What I see, is a hint of sanity.
Sadly, the sock puppet man is unable to utter even a single word in his moment of realization. Perhaps due in part to being struck with fear upon viewing the frightful countenance of the colossal monstrosity, but mostly due to being struck with his big-ass chain. The sock puppet man is propelled through space by the force of the blow!
As if attacking one of my companions was not enough, the monstrous creature then has the nerve to invade my thoughts and challenge my rule. He telepathically introduces himself as Gradien, while pridefully proclaiming himself to be the slayer of my friend, and soon me as well. "Know what? I'm getting real fucking tired of people attempting to dethrone me.", I tell the monstrosity named Gradien, as my physical body materializes high above the pepperjack moon. Staring down at my challenger with great contempt, I outstretch my arm, and with perfect timing, intercept Flesh Liberator just as it passes by on its way to the toad-man.
"As you might know, I've been under quite a lot of pressure lately. Fortunately, I think that kicking your ass is just the thing I need to help me unwind and enjoy myself a little. But first, we're going to need some more music." With a snap of my fingers, the surprisingly unharmed radio laying on the ground starts to play yet another epic track (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-qafe5vkq8&feature=related).
I become practically invisible as I bolt toward Gradien with astounding speed, and deliver a strike with herculean force. Shockingly, my attack is thwarted when Gradien uses his chain to block the strike with quicker-than-lighting reflexes. The extraordinary discharge of power creates a momentous, time warping explosion around us. The chain must be made of some truly preternatural material if not even the reality-splitting edge of Flesh Liberator can cut through it. "And here I was worrying that this fight would be boring..."
Back and forth, me and my colossal adversary exchange attacks, begetting more tremendous explosions each time our weapons make contact with each other. With the velocity of our battle being so inconceivable it can hardly even be perceived by the other deities, everyone stays well back to avoid unknowingly getting caught in the middle of it, only becoming aware of our location for the split moments in between strikes.
As the battle intensifies, I go on the defensive, waiting for an opening to land a truly devastating hit. Barely dodging the lashes of Gradien's chain, I execute a godly slash that severs his middle left arm, splitting the very atoms it is made up of. The severed part sails off in an arc! Gradien has become enraged!
>Flesh Liberator: Finally re-assume human form.
Before I can recover from the successful attack, Gradien snatches me out of the air with his upper right arm, causing me to drop my trusty spearsword, and attempts to crush me in his grip.
As it falls to the ground, Flesh Liberator decides that it has spent enough time being a supreme weapon of unparalleled power, and returns to it's human state as the golden cloaked man, currently without his golden cloak. Must still be in my backpack.
The strength of the monstrous Gradien is indeed commendable. I can feel my bones beginning to crack, and his grip is so tight that I can no longer breath. While the only true damage I'd receive from the death of my physical body would be to my pride, I refuse to let any being with a damn sock puppet stitched onto its head feel that they are in any way superior to me, and thus devote all my effort to thinking of a way to escape the increasingly tight clutches my enraged foe.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: ∞
Location: Pepperjack moon.
Inventory: Nothing.
Post by: Vgray on June 08, 2012, 02:03:38 pm
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Post by: agertor on June 08, 2012, 08:28:47 pm
Its faceless exterior rips open to reveal teeth and there is quite a bit. It roars quite horridly. On top where the sock puppet was, it was now back on the hand of sock puppet man. And the man himself was standing on top of the monster. "Hey look Dirty Man! I made a friend!" He begins to pet the monster which begins to stick its tongue out like a dog, panting and shaking its butt. "Who's a good boy!?" You realize it before anything else, the monster itself is an extension to its host, this time being the sock puppet man. It only acts this way because it was being controlled by the sock puppet man. "I'm going to call him Susan!" You awkwardly smile wondering how sock puppet man even made it this far honestly. He might even be the strongest warrior ever on the sheer fact that the improbability of him puts him out on top somehow. "Can I keep him Dirty Man?" How could you say no to Susan, look at that... six-armed, monster with the mouth of a leech... Honestly you want to say no, but you are kind of scared what Sock puppet man would do a little bit so you just sigh and nod. He then screams "Yay!" The monster then rolls over, Sock puppet man hopping over to give it a belly rub right below its mouth. You swear you saw a little number pop up saying karma +2.
Post by: raptorfangamer on June 08, 2012, 08:38:15 pm
Post by: Phantom of The Library on June 10, 2012, 11:16:52 pm
>DZA, gen another world, maybe you'll get some more useful deities this time.
Post by: King DZA on June 17, 2012, 12:18:05 am
> The priest does a ritual involving a pair of pentacles drawn with his own blood, and incense. He meditates inside one using his own power to summon a clown. And prays that he not be the champion of Doardham. He hums an ancient Dwarven chant, his body glows, the clown cowers in it's pentacle.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Sensing the urgency of the current situation, Tasrak quickly comes up with an undoubtedly brilliant plan to help change its course. Without hesitation, the priest pulls out his E-Z Blood God Ritual Setup Kit, complete with special ritual dagger, a variety of incense, small candles, and a sacred ritual lighter to get them going.
Slicing open the tips of his middle and index fingers, he expertly draws two pentacles upon the surface of the pepperjack moon in his own blood, and places the incense at each of their five points. After lighting all the incense, he sits down in the center of one of the pentacles, and clears his mind as he begins to enter a deep meditation, while also throwing in a quick prayer not to be forced to serve the undisputed god of dickery during the tournament.
As his meditation continues, a clown starts to appear within the second pentacle. It gazes at the priest, who is now glowing brightly with concentrated power. And as he hums an arcane chant of the dwarves, passed down through countless millennia, the clown begins to fear for its well-being.
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Blood starts to trickle from my nostrils as the strength of Gradien's grip increases. Just as my sternum is fractured, my left tibia is snapped, and my right shoulder is horribly dislocated, the sinister sock puppet sewn atop my opponent's head begins speaking of its own accord, proclaiming itself a god. It then seems to start charging an attack, as its mouth opens wide, and all surrounding light is sucked into it, forming a very bright, large sphere. "Oh, awesome. He shoots lasers. How could I not have guessed...", I think.
With incredible might, Gradien launches me across the moon, while the sock puppet simultaneously fires off its light beam. As I am propelled around the pepperjack moon, I hear the sock puppet laughing, and referring to itself as a gingerbread man, and begin to understand just why the sock puppet man was always so unstable. However, before I am able to ponder the mental state of my friend any longer, I am suddenly overcome by a powerful desire to not be incinerated by the beam of light spiraling toward me. In a split second reaction, I twist out of the way of the sock puppet's light beam, feeling the intense heat it gives off, and watch as it travels out into space, obliterating any planets it comes in contact with.
Looking back to observe how far I've flown by now, I am struck with disbelief when I see the sock puppet right next to me. There is a blinding flash of light, followed immediately by pitch blackness. By the time I am able to see again, I notice that my surrounding temperature feels uncomfortably high, a problem I quickly attribute to Gradien's glowing red chain, which is currently wrapped around me, and apparently very, very hot. Another unfortunate discovery I make, is that I'm also about half a second away from being slammed directly into the grou-
"Ow...", I say, slowly crawling out of the coil of chain. Gradien lifts the glowing chain, and begins twirling it overhead, with the intention of soon crashing it down onto me.
As I prepare myself mentally for what is sure to be an excruciating defeat, I glance over to my side, and spot the mangled corpse of the sock puppet man lying several feet away. Saddened and angered by this sight, my determination is renewed, and I carefully lift myself off the ground.
I raise my one good arm just as Gradien swings his massive chain downward, and grab hold of it moments before being crushed. Startled by this, Gradien attempts to pull the chain from my grip, but when I yank the chain toward me and nearly cause him to fall over, the futility of his efforts are made clear. Infuriated, my colossal foe grabs onto the chain with all five of his remaining hands, and gets ready to tear his weapon away from my grasp with one mighty tug.
Unfortunately for him, right as he begins to pull, I conclude that I've held on for long enough, and decide to let go. Gradien goes stumbling back uncontrollably, while I use that time to limp over toward the body of my fallen comrade. Though, just as I reach it, Gradien regains his footing and comes marching back over. Spinning his chain thrice as fast as before, he looks to deliver a finishing blow that will finally bring an end to this fight. I grab onto the sock puppet man's lifeless body, and, after taking a deep breath, sling it at Gradien. The corpse grazes the top of his head, tearing the sock puppet from his scalp!
In an instant, Gradien collapses, and I breathe a sigh of relief. But, like all positive feelings I experience these days, the relief is short lived. Not even a minute after falling, the colossal corpse starts to get back up. It even rapidly regrows another arm to replace the one I severed. "What the fuck? Now that just isn't fair." As the newly revived monstrosity lets loose a bone chilling screech, the fleshy covering over its facial area begins to stretch and tear, exposing a mouth, lined with many rows of menacingly sharp teeth. Yet, oddly enough, this isn't the most surprising thing about the whole situation. No, what catches my attention most, is the fact that the sock puppet man is not only apparently alive and well again, but also seems to be standing atop the head of the resurrected Gradien, with his sock puppet once again pulled firmly over his hand.
He yells down to me, informing me that he and his six-armed murderer are now friends, which I am just a tad suspicious of, for obvious reasons. The sock puppet man happily pets his colossal new "friend", and I watch, bewildered, as the being that was only seconds ago hell-bent on ending my life, starts to act like some sort of dimwitted, playful puppy dog.
"This doesn't make any sense...Could it be an act? Maybe, the creature can somehow be controlled by those that manage to climb onto him? He did seem to become pretty impotent when the sock puppet was removed...Of course, this would lead me to two very unsettling conclusions:
One, it would mean almost anyone may be able to control that six-armed, chain wielding, limb regenerating monstrosity, simply by plopping down onto him. And two, it means that filthy sock puppet is truly its own entity, and wants to kill me." My contemplation is then interrupted when I hear the sock puppet man shouting about how he's naming the beast "Susan". I look to him with with a friendly yet uncertain smile. "I'll never understand how how I've managed to get myself killed more times than him."
With a hopeful expression, the sock puppet man asks whether he can keep Gra- I mean, Susan. After a little thought, I nod approvingly. A reckless choice, perhaps. But I'd honestly rather have him in control of that thing than someone who could harbor more diabolical intentions. As long as it remains a simple, non-murderous pet, I doubt it will cause too much trouble. the sock puppet man screams with joy, causing me to jump slightly, and proceeds to treat his new buddy to a belly rub. As I prepare to return back to my omnipresent state, I notice a small floating "Karma +2" symbol that fades away just a second after I see it. I briefly worry that I may have gone insane, but regain complacency after realizing that even if that were the case, I'd be far too gone by now to fret about it.
>find more filler gods to have moar champion points, then summon your previous filler allies (You know, the Disney-converted demons, they should still be there... somewhere...).
After my revitalizing return to omnipresence, I decide it would be best to get back to the matter of preparing for the tournament. Thoroughly thinking over all of my options, I use my vast intelligence to put together an ingenious plot that will ensure I am triumphant over even the most powerful of competitors."What if, I spend the decade focusing entirely on building up the largest pantheon I possibly can, so that on the day of the tournament, I can arrive with a legion of other deities on my side, and overwhelm my opponents with an unstoppable army of chosen ones!! But where will I get enough suitable chosen ones to supply my legion of deities...I know, The demons! Yes! I will rule the tournament with a demonic army of chosen champions, led by countless deities, and crush my competitors with the forces of hell itself! It's brilliant!!" Unfortunately, my ingenious plot is abruptly shot down when I remember that, regardless of how large my pantheon gets, my pantheon's representing team in the tournament is limited to a maximum of three deities, meaning a maximum of three chosen ones as well. Damn. Of course, I could still summon my demonic comrades here at any time if I wanted to. Though I doubt it would do much good.
>The gold cloak-less man politely requests that he have his cloak back and that he may serve as a champion.
>DZA, gen another world, maybe you'll get some more useful deities this time.
It is then, in my time of turmoil, that I hear the voice of the golden cloaked man, respectfully asking for his golden cloak to be returned to him, and also for the chance to act as a chosen one in my pantheon's team. Gladdened by his courageous request, I have his cloak appear neatly folded in front of him, and tell him that I will certainly consider him as a possible choice for chosen one.
Out of any more good ideas, I figure I might as well try creating another planet, and hope that this one spawns some more promising potential allies.
Putting in a bit more effort this time, I use the same method as before to craft a fresh, young world, and allow it to it advance substantially longer than the previous one, before once again taking gander at the Book of Legends.
Seeing as last time, I only really bothered to check out the dwarven deities of the world, this time I choose to try something different, and delve into the religions of a human civilization in search of some competent teammates:
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With my deity examination complete, I attentively think of what my next course should be. I still need to decide with absolute certainty who my chosen one will be, and I should also start coming to a conclusion about which other deities I will be bringing with me. I can sit around making worlds for the whole ten years if I wish, but one thing it will be vital for me to make sooner or later, is a decision. And I'd prefer it be sooner.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: ∞.
Location: Everywhere.
Inventory: Anything.
Post by: Vgray on June 17, 2012, 10:49:18 am
> Suddenly the Dark Titan Sargeras appears, he stands next to a floating chess board. Upon closer examination you realize the pieces are living. "Humans or Demons Blood God? Your predecessor always replaced the humans with Dwarves for some reason. Let's have a little chat. You can have the universe by the way. Just be prepared to face me and my Burning Legion. I believe you've already met three of my Dreadlords."
Yes I'm boring, I can only use Warcraft Characters. And yes it appears Armok knew Sargeras. It's a small universe.
Post by: King DZA on June 17, 2012, 09:04:57 pm
Post by: agertor on June 17, 2012, 09:59:04 pm
Post by: King DZA on June 17, 2012, 10:48:52 pm
Post by: Vgray on June 18, 2012, 02:23:15 pm
Well it's not like the Warcraft elements haven't added a good deal of awesome to the story. Not to mention, there's been so many references to so many different things by now that I doubt anyone minds it.
I kinda rolled with the idea of Medivh being DZA's guide. Expect to see more of him. And the Lich King. He'll be back with an army of undead. As for Sargeras....he just wants someone to play chess with.
Post by: King DZA on June 20, 2012, 10:01:48 am
> Breath a great sigh that echos across your new world.
> Suddenly the Dark Titan Sargeras appears, he stands next to a floating chess board. Upon closer examination you realize the pieces are living. "Humans or Demons Blood God? Your predecessor always replaced the humans with Dwarves for some reason. Let's have a little chat. You can have the universe by the way. Just be prepared to face me and my Burning Legion. I believe you've already met three of my Dreadlords."
Yes I'm boring, I can only use Warcraft Characters. And yes it appears Armok knew Sargeras. It's a small universe.
After taking a moment to look everything over, I sigh, feeling much more at ease upon seeing all that I've accomplished in a fairly short time span. The sound of my breath is heard throughout my newest created planet. Some inhabitants are frightened by the ominous noise, while others simply pass it off as the sound of the wind.
Just then, hovering above the star of the planetary system, I see a large, horned humanoid setting the pieces of a fittingly large (relative to his size) chess table. As he places the last piece, he asks which set I'd prefer, "humans or demons." A very peculiar chess set, especially considering that the pieces themselves appear to be living entities.
The horned humanoid mentions that he used to play this game with Armok, who would always choose to use dwarves for his set, and informs me that he would like to have a small talk. He tells me that I am free to maintain control of the universe, yet warns me to be ready for the eventual clash between us that will result from having such control.
"Heh, as generous an offer as that is, you're not the one I'm worried might take it from me.", I say, before deciding to go with humans.
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Before making my first move, I quickly check back on the pepperjack moon to make sure all is well. The sock puppet man is busy spending time with his new colossal friend. Everyone else seems to be getting along fine as well. Lovely, it Looks like I should be able to get through at least a round or two without any distrac- Black hole portal out of fucking nowhere!
Suddenly, another one of the strange black holes open up near Susan, and spit out a second sock puppet. Which, of course, lands lightly on the sock puppet man's lap. Thinking about the dozens ways this could lead to something going horribly wrong, I apologize to my horned acquaintance for having to postpone the game, and hastily go forth to stop things from progressing before anything gets out of hand.
By the time I my body is manifested on the pepperjack moon, the black hole is already closed, and the sock puppet man is quietly sitting atop Susan, looking at the second sock puppet he now wears over his other hand. Fast as I can, I make my way up to the top of the six-armed beast, and cautiously approach the sock puppet man."You alright, dude?", I ask, reaching out to him. I am then mildly disturbed when he turns around, and begins to demonstrate a moment of intense passion between the two sock puppets.
refusing to let this escalate any further, I try taking the sock puppets away from him. Unfortunately, as soon as I grab ahold of them, a powerful bolt of energy travels through my body, causing me to fall over as my muscles twitch and spasm. As I regain my balance and attempt to stand, I find that my vision seems to be malfunctioning. My sight is clouded by many constantly changing bright colors dancing about everywhere I look. I stare straight ahead, trying desperately to focus, yet am only made more confused when I see a familiar group of robed figures standing in front of me, as well as the sock puppet man sitting contently on top of a little firetruck, continuing to act out a scene of romance between his sock puppets. My vision starts to return to normal, which reveals to me that no longer am I standing atop the head of a colossal six-armed monstrosity, but am instead in the middle of some grassy field, with a few trees scattered hither thither. I am also worried when I notice that my godly powers feel like they've entirely disappeared. "Have I gone completely mad?", I think.
At that moment, 14th century explorer Christopher Columbus steers his sturdy wooden ship across the land, stopping upon reaching my location. He hops down from his vessel, announcing to me that he is, in fact, Christopher Columbus. "Yep, I'm insane.", I tell myself.
I look to the sock puppet man, who is still sitting on the firetruck, and ask if he has any idea what the hell is happening. After all, if there's anyone here experienced in dealing with being batshit crazy, it's him. He turns toward me, and, after doing a rather poor job at describing what events took place, points to some damaged trees. From what I am able to deduce, apparently, we've been playing some sort of game. Smiling, he then informs that we were also given...'yummies'.
I then glance over at a small bag laying on the grassy floor, and begin to wonder if its contents may be able to give me more insight into what has occurred. Keeping an eye on the robed figures, I go to pick up the bag. Noticing it's odd, almost intoxicating scent, I take a second to sniff the bag and analyze it further. Without warning, my vision once again clouds with bright, dizzying colors. Once it wares off, everything starts to make sense. "Was...Was I drugged?"
The longer I ponder this possibility, the more things seem to fit together. Could my entire reign of godhood been nothing more than a hallucination? Shocked at first by this revelation, I slowly begin to feel more relieved with the knowledge that I am not really responsible for the fate of the whole universe. In fact, for the first time in a long while, I actually feel completely carefree. You know, maybe, this was all for the b- "D.Z.A!" I hear a voice suddenly shout from behind me.
I turn around and am even more shocked to see Mr. Referee standing there, holding a book of some kind. "What is going on here??", he inquires. "I honestly have no fucking clue...", I reply.
"I'll tell you exactly what's going on here, you're violating the official rules of the Deity Battle Tournament!", he says.
"What? How so? I've somehow reverted back to my mortal state state. Hell, right now, I'm not sure that I ever even left it. I highly doubt be qualified to compete in the tournament like this.", I explain.
"Precisely! You returned to your mortal state after agreeing to participate in the official Deity Battle Tournament! No mortals, not even ex-deity mortals, are allowed to participate in the Deity Battle Tournament. Otherwise it would have to be called the Deity-and-Also-Ex-Deity-Mortal Battle Tournament! I am sorry to say that you, D.Z.A., have been disqualified, and will have to begin your four eon long imprisonment immediately."
"Wait, but it isn't even my fault that I became a mortal! It's not like I simply threw away my powers and chose to have the ability to die again! Besides, you never once mentioned that turning into a mortal would mean I'd still have to be imprisoned!", I argue.
"I gave you the rules for competing in the Deity Battle Tournament. If you wanted the complete list of rules, standards, and restrictions, you should have asked for a copy of the official Deity Battle Rulebook." he says, showing me the cover of the book he's been holding. "Now then, please wait a moment while I locate the proper incantation..." He then begins to flip through the pages of the book.
Shit.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Great.
Location: grassy field.
Inventory: Mysterious bag.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on June 20, 2012, 10:30:00 am
Post by: Vgray on June 20, 2012, 11:18:22 am
> A giant portal opens in front of you. You suddenly remember your past experience with portals. A green toad like hand reaches out of the portal. That toad hand can only belong to one Toad like creature. The all powerful Toadman. The sight triggers another wave of memories.
>Through the portal you can see a large circular brown chamber filled with various powerful beings. Among them you recognize Medivh, Sargeras, The Lich King, and...Armok? Currently several large cosmic horrors are speaking in loud voices.
Ah portals. We have fond memories of portals don't we?
This all just came to me by the way.
Post by: agertor on June 20, 2012, 09:04:22 pm
Post by: King DZA on June 20, 2012, 09:35:05 pm
Post by: Vgray on June 20, 2012, 09:56:20 pm
Man, if I didn't already have much bigger plans in the works, I'd be tempted to give some of the characters in this story their own spinoff suggestion games.
Three words. Sock Puppet Man suggestion game. Okay that was five.
Post by: Powder Miner on June 20, 2012, 10:44:40 pm
Miner, who had somehow been teleported with the rest of the companions here: Walk up to the referee, and raise pickaxe, speaking in a... normal voice (he hadn't been heard speaking by DZA before): "What's this about a four eon long imprisonment?"
Post by: Powder Miner on June 20, 2012, 10:47:35 pm
Man, if I didn't already have much bigger plans in the works, I'd be tempted to give some of the characters in this story their own spinoff suggestion games.They would have to be occasionally interrupted by Super Dave.
Edit: Ah, double post, sorry!
Post by: agertor on June 21, 2012, 11:09:37 am
((http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=99495.0))
Post by: Vgray on June 21, 2012, 11:45:30 am
((Sock puppet man did have a suggestion game way back when, and he is my creation, i just put him in D.Z.A.'s world. -fun fact-))
((http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=99495.0))
((Huh. A mini-series of suggestion games would be interesting though. What do the companions of the God King of everything do when their not assisting/annoying him? What world did DZA inhabit before anyway? It seems like he's constantly drifting the void between worlds. Where Boatmurdered and Xoroth can exist in the same place.))
Post by: raptorfangamer on June 21, 2012, 04:22:25 pm
Post by: King DZA on June 22, 2012, 06:21:51 am
((What world did DZA inhabit before anyway? It seems like he's constantly drifting the void between worlds. Where Boatmurdered and Xoroth can exist in the same place.))
Hm, now that you mention it, I don't think I've ever shared the specific whereabouts of my Base of Operations. Guess that for the time being, it's just something else to add to the list of many unsolved mysteries that surround this story.
Anyway, I'm going to be hiking out into the wilderness for the next few days to do a little fasting, so it may be a while before I can get the next update posted. Though, assuming I don't die, it shouldn't end up being another record breaker, so no worries.
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on June 25, 2012, 05:11:57 pm
Post by: Powder Miner on June 25, 2012, 05:50:53 pm
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on June 25, 2012, 07:10:20 pm
Post by: Vgray on June 25, 2012, 07:30:22 pm
Somehow run across a hostile army of dragons, humans, dwarves, planeswalkers, kobolds, mages, necromancers, dragon slayers, mechs controlled by gremlins, gremlins, elves, eldrazi, and every other race that has existed, is existing, will exist, will never exist, is not existing, and hasn't existed at one million in total population of each race.
Have similar army appear behind you.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on June 26, 2012, 09:43:00 am
Also, out of curiosity, what happened to the elf/dwarf I cameoed into this? He die?
Post by: King DZA on June 26, 2012, 03:11:00 pm
>Knock out the rulemaker with your bag, rob him and run.
Using my lighting-fast thinking and aiming abilities, I throw the mysterious bag at Mr. Referee. The spinning mysterious bag strikes Mr. Referee in the head! Mr. Referee is knocked unconscious!
I run over to the now out cold Mr. Referee, grab his rulebook, and head off in a random direction.
> Mutter the Dwarven Chant you heard the priest use earlier.
> A giant portal opens in front of you. You suddenly remember your past experience with portals. A green toad like hand reaches out of the portal. That toad hand can only belong to one Toad like creature. The all powerful Toadman. The sight triggers another wave of memories.
>Through the portal you can see a large circular brown chamber filled with various powerful beings. Among them you recognize Medivh, Sargeras, The Lich King, and...Armok? Currently several large cosmic horrors are speaking in loud voices.
Ah portals. We have fond memories of portals don't we?
This all just came to me by the way.
As I continue to make a hasty retreat through the grassy field, I am soon struck by the realization that I have no idea where the fuck I'm going. Lacking any reasonable options for dealing with such a situation, I simply decide to do the first thing that comes to mind, which just so happens to be reciting the arcane chant I overheard the priest humming not so long ago.
I try to recall just how it went, and shortly after repeating the dwarven chant to the best of my ability, a huge portal appears before me. Quickly recollecting how previous dealings with strange gateways to other realms has gone, I begin to slowly back away. yet just as I do so, an anthropomorphic toad arm extends out from the portal.
Knowing all too well the owner of said arm, I plan to bolt off in another random direction, but get distracted when I notice that on the other side of the portal, stands a council of immensely powerful entities, which includes my (apparently not-so-) deceased rival, Armok.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
While trying to listen in on a conversation that some of the more frightening entities seem to be having, the toad arm suddenly grabs ahold of me, and attempts to yank me through the portal and into the circular chamber on the other side. Without warning, the sock puppet man rushes toward me, and executes a masterful dropkick on the anthropomorphic toad arm, breaking the toad man's grip!
He grabs onto my arm with both of his sock-clad hands, and looks deep into my eyes, until one of his own begins to lose focus. He then whispers some incoherent sentence about space and firetrucks, which causes his own tiny firetruck to fly toward him, and fit itself comfortably inside his pocket. As I catch a glimpse of the robed figures from before approaching us, he leaps high into the air, pulling me along with him. I glance down, only to see more portals rapidly appearing all over the place, spewing forth more beasts and creatures than I've ever before seen in one place. Apparently they aren't very fond of each other, seeing as the ground below us is turned into a ravaged battleground only seconds after their arrival. Interestingly, roughly half of them also appear to be armed with miniguns.
Just as we start losing velocity from the sock puppet man's impressive leap, he stares at me, and tells me that I will fly to "sock puppet home". I am unsure whether I should be comforted, or terrified by this. We begin to drop, and I find myself suddenly flung through the sky with unexpected force. Force great enough to dislocate my shoulder and propel me over the land at least several dozen miles per hour. In the last brief moments I am able see the sock puppet man, I watch him as he descends into the chaos below. A saddening sight, but one I am unable to dwell on for very long, as I am soon forced to deal with the matter of ensuring my own survival.
The crash landing into the town I seem to have found myself in probably would have been an incredibly unpleasant experience, if it wasn't for the gigantic bowl of brightly colored gelatin that had been conveniently placed adjacent to it, which allowed me slide across the top of the giant jiggly treat and safely land feet first on the other side.
After popping my shoulder back into place, I conclude that the best course of action would be to explore the town a bit, considering I'm uncertain of how long I'll be a guest in it. I have not the slightest idea where this town is situated, but it seems to be well into nightfall here. During my period of nighttime town exploration, my heart sinks when I discover that the entire place appears to be populated solely by sock puppets. I suppose I should have been able to deduce that from the name 'sock puppet home', but that doesn't make it any less unsettling. On the bright side, at least these ones aren't as homicidal as the sock puppet I've previously had to deal with.
Feeling a deep desire to distance myself from this strange place, I attempt to find a road leading out of it, and end up stumbling upon a large lake near the edge of the town. Its still surface shimmering serenely in the moonlight. I take this opportunity to wash up a tad, and quench the thirst that I've been ignoring for some time now. I sit by the lake for a while, enjoying the tranquil quietness of the peaceful moment, before it is abruptly broken by the wild shouting of an unknown entity.
I instinctively dodge the entity as it leaps from the roof of a nearby lakeside home, and discover that the unknown entity is a very large, very hairy man, with a stocking pulled over his head and socks on all of his other appendages. All of them. He beats his chest like a threatened gorilla with his sock covered fists, and introduces himself as 'Hero Sock'. He then accuses me of trespassing, and demands to know who I am. After taking a few seconds to question my own sanity once more, I look to this 'Hero Sock', and put forth an inquiry of far greater importance. "*sigh* I feel like I'm going to regret asking this, but why is there a sock on your dick?"
Rather than giving me an answer, Hero Sock merely beats his chest again, before informing me for a second time that his name is indeed Hero Sock. He is apparently commander for some other sock-themed being, and again expresses his wishes to know who I am.
Hoping to move the conversation along to a subject that may actually provide some useful information, I decide to answer him. "I, Am D.Z.A. Omnipotent God-King of Everything, ruler of all things ruleable. I am currently on a grand adventure, spanning across many worlds and realms, for reasons that even I am no longer completely certain of. So, if you could assist me by providing some insight into just the what fuck is going on here, I would be immensely grateful."
Mr. Referee: Ah here's the incantation and- SUPER DAVE TO THE FACE!
Miner, who had somehow been teleported with the rest of the companions here: Walk up to the referee, and raise pickaxe, speaking in a... normal voice (he hadn't been heard speaking by DZA before): "What's this about a four eon long imprisonment?"
Meanwhile, in the now devastated grassy field, the portals have closed, and the beasts and creatures have since marched onward to some other location, leaving the land war-torn, bloodstained, and littered with corpses. The only life that remains, are the lives of my companions, who were also transported to the field via spontaneous portal emergence, and were able to stick together to fight through the mayhem, as well as the just now reawakening Mr. Referee who, by some huge stroke of luck, managed to survive whilst helplessly lying unconscious.
"I can't believe it!" Mr. Referee says, rising to his feet. "Informal resignation from the Tournament Deity Battle, assaulting a Deity Battle official, and evading mandatory four eon imprisonment. Such behavior is going to end up getting him banned from all subsequent tournaments! He'd better have a good excuse for- Hm...Where did I leave my copy of the Official Deity Battle Rulebook...? This is unacceptable, I'll won't be able to initiate D.Z.A.'s imprisonment without the special incantation written within it....It's a good thing that every respectable official always carries at least TWO copies of the official rulebook at all times!" Pulling out a second Deity Battle Rulebook from his shirt, he quickly flips through it, before stopping on the desired page. "Aha, here we are. *Ahem* Now then, A- Super Dave out of fucking nowhere!
Speeding down like an unpredictable man-shaped meteorite, the indestructible man crashes into Mr. Referee, slamming him onto the ground and causing him to drop his rulebook! As Mr. Referee tries to recover from the painful blow, and reaches out for his rulebook, the miner walks over to him, lifts his pickaxe over his head, and asks to know more about the four eon long imprisonment he overheard the Deity Battle official mention. "I...I'm afraid that it doesn't concern you. Now please, quickly, hand me that book over there.", Mr. Referee replies to the miner.
Be your own champion with theflash freedomerflesh liberator as a wpn
As I wait for a response from my oddly outfitted acquaintance, I glance down at the Deity Battle Rulebook I've managed to keep hold of all this time, and suddenly, an idea comes to mind. "What if..." I think to myself, "I acted as my own champion in the Tournament Deity Battle? Surely, if my return to mortal form was merely part of my battle strategy all along, my disqualification could be revoked. The trick would be existing as both a mortal and a god simultaneously. Which, seeing that my omnipotence is severely limited while mortal, may prove to be challenging.
Of course, I could always try trusting another deity to take up the position of team leader for my pantheon, and simply have them select me as their chosen one. But this approach would be very risky..."
Somehow run across a hostile army of dragons, humans, dwarves, planeswalkers, kobolds, mages, necromancers, dragon slayers, mechs controlled by gremlins, gremlins, elves, eldrazi, and every other race that has existed, is existing, will exist, will never exist, is not existing, and hasn't existed at one million in total population of each race.
Have similar army appear behind you.
Have said army be armed with miniguns.
As I drift deeper into thought, I almost don't notice the faint ripples that start to appear on the surface of the lake, or the distant sound of charging feet and ferocious war cries. Before long, the commotion grows loud enough to attract my attention. I gaze over the lake and out to the horizon, and am perplexed to see a truly massive assortment of beings, silhouetted against the rising sun, making their way toward me at an alarming pace. The colossal force extends as far as the eye can see in both directions. The ones travelling on ground spill over the land like an endless sea flooding the Earth, and the ones travelling through the air soon blacken the sky with their presence. The army of beasts and creatures clearly has malicious intentions for something this way. And given my luck, I wouldn't doubt that it's me. Nervous, yet focused, I stand my ground. Knowing that even if I wanted to, it would be useless to try and outrun such a large and quick moving force. Besides, a display of such courage makes me feel like far more of a badass.
The earth trembles more and more as they approach, though once they reach the other side of the lake, they immediately stop, which gives me a chance to get a good look at just what I'm up against. After a little observation, I conclude that, apparently, I'm up against everyone. Beings of all shapes and sizes, from bugs to behemoths, beings I would not have even been able to imagine existing before now, are standing (and hovering) in front me. A humanoid steps forth from the crowd, clad in extravagant, decorated armor. I assume he must to a particularly high ranking individual in this force. He looks at me only briefly, before turning to the rest of the army, and speaking in a deep, powerful voice:
"Comrades, before us stands the pathetic, cowardly D.Z.A.! The ex-deity that carelessly disgraced the glorious and sacred traditions of the Tournament Deity Battle, and then shamelessly tried to escape the consequences of his despicable actions! I say, that if this 'God-King' is so willing to run from these consequences, then we personally ensure that the consequences are brought to him!!"
The speech is then recited again by several other members of the army, in more languages than I care to count, which provokes a thunderous roar of cheers from the rest of the army. Cheering that is quieted only by the sound of another army, alike in size and variety, marching up behind me. I'd actually have trouble telling the two forces apart, if it wasn't for the fact that nearly all of the members of the army behind me are carrying miniguns. An extravagantly armored member of the second army steps up beside me. He's noticeably shorter than the apparent leader of the first. With a much scratchier voice, he yells across the lake to the opposing force:
"Nonsense! The return of D.Z.A's mortality was obviously not of his own doing, the judgement of the officials is flawed! Foul play is at work, and the ones who are responsible for it are the ones that deserve to be punished!"
Taunts and insults begin to fly back and forth between the two armies, steadily increasing the already high tension of the situation.
Well, seems like I've inadvertently pissed of just about every being in existence. Then again, I guess it's sort of understandable. The tournament seems like a pretty big event, and as with all such events, it's bound to have a good deal of passionate fans behind it. Passion that I'm sure is made all the stronger by the fact that the winners of the event are the ones deciding the quality of life for said fans, and numerous generations of their offspring. In any case, I better think quick about what it is I'm going to do, because shit's about to go down.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Epic.
Location: Lake near "sock puppet home".
Inventory: Official Deity Battle Rulebook.
Post by: King DZA on July 02, 2012, 12:55:39 am
Normally, I'd be content to simply let this quietly lie in wait until an interested member of the forum decides to check up on it and realizes there's been an update. But, as I have mentioned before, I have glorious plans in store. Glorious plans that cannot be executed until this story reaches a certain point, and I'm beginning to get antsy.
Post by: dreadmullet on July 02, 2012, 01:42:32 am
> If that doesn't work, hop in a cat tank and LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on July 02, 2012, 10:33:19 am
Post by: agertor on July 02, 2012, 10:59:03 am
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on July 02, 2012, 11:35:11 am
Post by: Vgray on July 02, 2012, 12:26:41 pm
> The Lich King appears. "That's right chump. And I doubt your little Wizard friend here is going to help much by himself."
> The Dark Titan Sargeras appears. "And what am I? Chopped liver? The Great Old Ones pose a threat to everyone! And besides, the universe is mine!
Post by: raptorfangamer on July 02, 2012, 01:28:17 pm
>suddenly, beings appear out of the reflection of the water, all fan headed, it seems these mirror beings also have something against you.
They are all armed with what seems to be a weaker version of the flesh liberator.
Post by: Powder Miner on July 02, 2012, 05:53:39 pm
>Super Dave: Somehow get hit by every single projectile fired. Every single one.
Post by: IamanElfCollaborator on July 03, 2012, 11:06:31 am
Post by: Phantom of The Library on July 08, 2012, 10:04:15 pm
>Suddenly have the entire thing be hijacked by random screaming fire ogres with spatulas.>Who are then hijacked by Goa'uld
>The Gold Cloaked man finally catches up, and experiments, trying to figure out what his powers are currently.
>Suddenly: Sho Minamimoto!
(( have fun with that one :P))
Post by: King DZA on July 08, 2012, 10:47:29 pm
Got a nice chunk of the update done last night, and plan to make a good amount of progress on it again tonight. Shouldn't be too much longer of a wait.
Post by: King DZA on July 11, 2012, 11:38:13 pm
> Use your persuasion skill of 71 to attempt to settle the conflict peacefully.
> If that doesn't work, hop in a cat tank and LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
"QUIET!!" I shout, causing of the armies to silence their bickering, and putting all attention on me.
"There is no need for this." I say assertively. "What good will this conflict bring to anyone? Is there any purpose to it that will justify the resulting death and sorrow that we will all be forced to deal with if we go through with this fight? No, there isn't. I know that you're all in disagreement over who's to blame for the actions that led to my disqualification from the Tournament Deity Battle. I understand, But this is NOT the way we should be handling such a disagreement. Brothers, sisters, I ask that you lay down your weapons, and put aside your anger, so that we may settle this dispute without bringing any more unnecessary bloodshed into our lives. Gods know we already have enough of it as is..."
The members of each army quietly talk amongst themselves, and judging by what I can understand, most of them seem open to the idea of peace. I look to the high ranking member that stands beside me, and he silently nods in agreement. I then gaze across the lake to the high ranking member of the opposing army, who simply glares back at me in a rather unfriendly manner. "Please, it doesn't have to be this way." I say, as we continue to stare at each other.
I am uncomfortably surprised when I watch as the extravagant armored man begins walking straight over the lake to make his way to me. Treading atop the water as if it were solid ground. The stare is not broken for a single second as he makes it to the other side of the lake and approaches me.
Standing only inches away from me, he takes a few more seconds to look me over, before spitting in my face, and leaning in to tell me something."You want peace? Turn yourself in. Otherwise, stop your preaching and prepare to regret ever returning to the realm of mortals."
This distasteful act of disrespect fills me with an unusual desire to obliterate my opposition using a heavily armored war vehicle that is in some way related to felines. After a quick glance around, I see that there are in fact several options that may allow me to satisfy this desire. There are tanks specially designed to be operated by cats, tanks aesthetically designed to resemble cats, and tanks that, disturbingly, seem to be literally made of cats.
Knowing that it would be silly to try and control a tank designed for cats without first being a cat myself, and that a tank made of cats is almost as impractical as it is unsettling, I quickly decide to go with the second option.
Out of nowhere, a the army across from you equips themselves with miniguns that fire faster than the opposing army's miniguns. And summon a deathstar above them.
Apparently not very appreciative of the opposing high ranking member's insulting attitude, several hundred thousand members of the army on my side of the lake immediately aim their miniguns in his general direction. Strangely enough, this only causes him to chuckle, before giving a signal to his own army. Within moments, many members of the opposing army pull out their own miniguns. Discouragingly, theirs look to be much more sleek and advanced than the ones my supporting army is currently armed with. "Hehehe...seems you're all still stuck with those pitiful, standard human models. Compared to ours, you might as well be throwing rocks! Oh, and I haven't even gotten to the best part yet..." He signals back to his army yet again, and one of the soldiers hastily pulls out a small radio. He speaks a few brief commands into it, and seconds afterward, the flying creatures that cover the sky on their side begin to part, allowing the sun to shine through once more. At least until it is eclipsed by a monumental circular space station.
"I picked that beauty up a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away from here. Never thought I'd get the chance to use it, though. Guess I should at least be thankful to you for giving me that opportunity, hm God-King?" he says to me with an arrogant smile."In just a couple hours, its superlaser will be fully charged, and I will be able to have this entire planet blown to dust with a single order. Even if you do somehow manage to win the fight down here, you'll all be vaporized before you can so much as breathe a sigh of relief. If you have even have even the slightest hint of sense in those sorry, rotten minds of yours, you'll surrender now, while you still have the choice."
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
>Super Dave: Somehow get hit by every single projectile fired. Every single one.
Hero Sock, not known for being the surrendering nor sensical type, hurriedly jumps into action. He grabs ahold of the high ranking individual, and brutally rips his head off with his big, sock covered hands. Sadly, it was the the head of the high ranking individual that had been trying to assist me. He then chucks the detached head at the other, opposing high ranking individual. Successfully earning him hostility from both armies at once.
The deafening ring of millions upon millions of miniguns firing off simultaneously fills the air. Miniguns that are made completely useless when the indestructible man unexpectedly flies over the battlefield with an incredibly powerful magnet attached to him, causing every single round fired, along with the miniguns that fired them (and many other relatively lightweight, magnetically attractive objects), to be pulled up toward him at immense speeds, leaving Hero Sock free to continue ruthlessly tearing through the armies' ranks. Providing even more trouble for the armies, I spot a familiar six-armed beast charging over the horizon. Shoving even the more massive creatures out of its way as it runs toward the lake, and trampling over the smaller ones as if they were helpless insects, I soon find myself in the presence of the colossal Susan, with the sock puppet man sitting gleefully atop its head.
The sock puppet man climbs down from his monstrous friend to greet Hero Sock. The two share a heartwarming moment of caring and friendship. Unfortunately, a nearby goblin, who only minutes ago watched Hero Sock mercilessly slay several of his close friends and allies, isn't feeling quite as friendly, and sees this as a perfect opportunity for revenge. The goblin unsheathes a dagger hidden beneath his troll fur cloak, and after a small prayer to his primary god of worship, he makes his move. The vengeful goblin charges at Hero Sock! Without even glancing at his attacker, Hero Sock delivers a mighty, bone shattering punch to the cranium. Hero Sock punches the vengeful goblin in the head, shattering the skull and crushing the brain!
As the armies encircle us, the sock puppet man declares that together, him and his partners form the Sock Puppet Guild, and that this guild refuses to let any harm be brought upon me. He then climbs back on top of Susan, who lets loose a bloodcurdling roar that sends chills throughout the bodies of its enemies. I am slightly curious about where the sock puppet man was able to find Susan, but shortly conclude that, as long as it isn't trying to kill me, such questions are of little importance right now.
As the opposition closes in, Hero Sock jumps right back into his remorseless rampage, as I open fire with the cat tank, successfully taking out several small clusters of soldiers. Operating a tank by oneself is no simple task, but I'd say my performance is acceptable, considering my previous total lack of experience. Susan runs around devouring just about any creature it is able to fit into its monstrous mouth. Though judging by the nauseating smell, something apparently isn't sitting very well with its stomach, not that that stops it from continuing to gorge itself. No, what brings the six-armed beast's gluttonous feeding to a halt, are the gigantic alien beings, controlling even more gigantic battle mechs, that seem to have taken offense to having their comrades eaten alive, and have decided to confront Susan.
> The prophet Medivh appears. "Enough! The Council of godly beings has convened. The Great Old Ones are demanding DZA attend a formal trial.
> The Lich King appears. "That's right chump. And I doubt your little Wizard friend here is going to help much by himself."
> The Dark Titan Sargeras appears. "And what am I? Chopped liver? The Great Old Ones pose a threat to everyone! And besides, the universe is mine!
The bloodshed rages on, until the fighting is brought to an abrupt stop by the appearance of three very powerful entities. One of which is the shapeshifting prophet, who announces that that the ancient pantheon responsible for annihilating my planet has called for me to be summoned to a formal trial, to have this whole mess sorted out once and for all. Beside him stand the blue-eyed king of the undead and the horned humanoid (the latter of which I still owe a game of chess), who seem willing to work with me, or at the very least not against me. If only because the ancient pantheon is just as much of a threat to them as it is to me.
"A trial!?" I exclaim, hopping out of the cat tank. "What am I supposed to do, sue them for blowing my planet up??"
quickly! punch the high ranking member of the opposing force, take his weapon, and ask for the flesh liberator on your side.
>suddenly, beings appear out of the reflection of the water, all fan headed, it seems these mirror beings also have something against you.
They are all armed with what seems to be a weaker version of the flesh liberator.
Just then, my disrespectful, high ranking opponent, apparently disregarding the current ceasefire, charges at me wielding a lavish yet well-made greatsword. Polished to a gleaming shine, adorned with elaborate symbols, and embedded with a variety of rare gems.
As he takes a swing with the beautifully crafted weapon, I deliver a well-timed punch that dislocates his jaw and sends him crashing to the ground, before taking the weapon for myself. It turns out to be surprisingly heavy, I can hardly even lift it off the ground without using both hands. "Has anyone seen a glowing spearsword, around ten feet in length, around here anywhere?" I ask, looking around the battlefield. "I can't quite recall where I last left it, and I'd much prefer using it over this cumbersome thing..."
After the only responses I get are a few confused expressions, I conclude that if anyone has seen Flesh Liberator near here, they aren't going to tell me. I then remember how I was once able to obtain my mystical spearsword using the reflective surface of a pond, and after staring intently at the nearby lake for a few moments, can think of no reason why I would not be able to pull off such a feat a second time.
I walk over to the edge of the lake and slowly submerge my hand into it. All appears to be going well, until the spear end a different spearsword thrusts up out from the water, nearly piercing right through my head, and forcing me to abandon my Flesh Liberator retrieval attempt.
I jump back, and watch as a horde of fan-headed beings, each one armed with a spearsword of their own, arise from the lake's reflective surface. Considering that less than a minute ago, one of them tried to assassinate me, I'm going to assume they're not on my team. And while I highly doubt that their spearswords match the unbridled power of Flesh Liberator, I am certain that they are in no way to be underestimated.
Dragging the lavish greatsword along with me, I run over to the recently arrived trio of powerful entities, and agree to attend the trial. Just so long as we can leave before I have to fight off a swarm of spearsword wielding fan-headed creatures with a sword the weight of a lead refrigerator. The shapeshifting prophet turns around, and with a few magical gestures, opens up a grand portal...
>Miner: Twirl pickaxe with impaled rulebook: "Oh, this rulebook?"
Meanwhile, Mr. referee looks on in horror as the miner desecrates the Official Deity Battle Rulebook by driving his pickaxe straight through it. The miner then casually twirls his pick about, sarcastically asking the Deity Battle official if the now punctured rulebook happens to be the one he was referring to.
"You- You don't understand..." Mr. Referee replies, shaken by the unscrupulous display. "Look around you. All of this destruction was caused in an alarmingly short amount of time. I'm not permitted to disclose any details, but if D.Z.A. does not face the consequences for what he has done, I can promise you that the devastation you see here will only be the beginning..."
>Suddenly have the entire thing be hijacked by random screaming fire ogres with spatulas.>Who are then hijacked by Goa'uld
>The Gold Cloaked man finally catches up, and experiments, trying to figure out what his powers are currently.
>Suddenly: Sho Minamimoto!
(( have fun with that one :P))
Suddenly, RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
You're a screaming, spatula-wielding fire ogre! You and 999,999 of your buddies traveled here to help deal with some punk who tried to cheat his way out of participating in the Tournament Deity Battle!! You were told that, although right now he's a mortal, he should still be considered very powerful and very dangerous, which is why you made sure to bring your spatulas!!!
The only problem is, you and the other fire ogres were put at the back of the massive army you came here with, and now you're late to the action!! You just saw the bastard entering a huge portal, along with an old guy, a big armored guy, and a really big demon thing!! RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
You really want to chase after him and dish out some old fashioned, fire ogre spatula justice! It's just that, currently, you don't feel so good...
...Because you're actually a Goa'uld inhabiting the body of a fire ogre! The uncomfortably high body temperature of fire ogres certainly doesn't make it the best host you could have chosen, but it'll do for now.
As you examine your surroundings, all that catches your interest is some weird fan things emerging from the local lake, a stylish young man stepping over the countless dead bodies littering the floor as he makes his way toward you, and someone in a golden cloak running across the battlefield and hopping through the nearby large portal just as it closes. Oddly enough, it seemed like everything but him somehow slowed down as he jumped into the portal, giving him just enough time to make it.
Oh, there's also Commander Tesyius, the one in charge of this assault on the now departed "tournament forfeiting scum" named D.Z.A.
Sounds like he's shouting to one of his underlings about how he wants the army evacuated and this planet obliterated within the next hour. Hard to be sure, though. He seems to be having some trouble talking.
Name: ??
Host: Male fire ogre.
Age: 1,170.
Badassery Level: Average.
Location: Lake near "sock puppet home".
Inventory: Spatula.
Post by: raptorfangamer on July 12, 2012, 10:20:30 am
since you have an spatula you can actually reopen the portal!
>draculas moon laser out of nowhere! obliterating most of the armies and your fellow spatula-wielding ogres!
Post by: agertor on July 12, 2012, 10:32:02 am
Post by: Vgray on July 12, 2012, 11:38:07 am
>Suddenly, Zerglings.
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on July 12, 2012, 12:12:30 pm
Post by: Vgray on July 12, 2012, 05:45:49 pm
Death Star fires with a blast so powerful it destoys the entire universe as DZA is transferred to another universe with the Goa'uld Inside the Body of a Screaming, Spatula-Wielding Fire Ogre.> You both float somewhere in the Koprulu sector.
Post by: Powder Miner on July 15, 2012, 09:05:38 am
>Miner: Actually know Super Dave and be old friends with him.
Post by: agertor on July 15, 2012, 09:11:27 am
Post by: King DZA on July 23, 2012, 01:57:13 am
hit trough space time!
since you have an spatula you can actually reopen the portal!
>draculas moon laser out of nowhere! obliterating most of the armies and your fellow spatula-wielding ogres!
Putting your discomfort aside, you make the decision to go after D.Z.A., and run over to the previous location of the now closed grand portal. Thankfully, shortly after obtaining this host, you made sure to outfit your spatula with a wide assortment of advanced alien technology to increase its general usefulness, meaning that reopening the recently closed portal should be no trouble.
After fiddling with your spatula a bit, you use it to puncture through spacetime and cause the portal to reappear. At just the right moment, too. As only seconds later, a powerful laser shoots down from the sky and destroys a major portion of both armies in a remarkably short period of time. Luckily, you turn out unharmed by the unannounced attack. Your fellow fire ogres, on the other hand, were not as fortunate, as it now appears that you are the only one left.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Just as you are about to enter the grand portal, the colossal, six-armed beast that's been causing a ruckus charges over to your location, and sticks one of her(?) massive arms into said portal. She feels around a bit, before pulling her arm out, and revealing D.Z.A. to be caught firmly in her grasp. "Fucking hell!" you hear the God-King exclaim in an aggravated tone. Before you can even get in a single good whack with your spatula, the colossal beast shoves the young adventurer into her mouth, and runs off in a random direction at the command of her sock puppet wearing master.
You can't really say that D.Z.A. being devoured was part of the original battle plan, but it works. Mission accomplished! Now that the job's done, might as well check out what's on the other side of the portal, seeing that you already went through the mild trouble of reopening it.
As you begin to to enter the grand portal, you hear a shout come from the strange man with the sock puppets. You glance back toward him, only to see him alongside his (mostly) nude companion, pointing at you in a very accusatory manner. Before you have a chance to react to this rude gesture, your host, for some reason, ceases to function. And for an unknown amount of time, all you are able to observe is utter blackness.
Once your host finally regains consciousness, you find yourself in a giant stadium of some sort. The surviving members of each army fill the stands (which isn't very surprising. After all, when an army consists of a million of every being ever, even a small fraction of it can be equal to an empire's worth of soldiers), and the two sock obsessed men you saw before are standing in the center of the wrestling ring you are in (though why it is referred to as a ring when it is clearly a square is beyond you). You also discover that that the God-King had apparently not met his demise when consumed by the six-armed beast, as he is currently hanging above the ring by a rope tied to his ankle, with his arms crossed and a very irritated look on his face.
You look to your side, and spot some other man you've never seen before, who waves awkwardly at you upon noticing your gaze. You almost decide to ask him what is going on, but get distracted when the bigger, hairier sock obsessed man addresses you while doing an impersonation of some famous human wrestler. He informs you that you will never be able to attain the "dirty man title", whatever the hell that is. Why anyone would even desire such a title in the first place makes little sense to you. Regardless, it becomes apparent that you and the rather unskilled looking individual by your side will be fighting against this two-man "Sock Puppet Guild" in order to win said title. Once the smaller of the duo finishes deriding the audience of soldiers, a bell rings, signifying the beginning of the battle.
Wasting no time at all, your partner sprints toward your opponents, and delivers a well-placed drop kick to the smaller one, sending him soaring out of the ring. A wave of cheers erupts throughout the crowd. Not prepared to let victory slip away so easily, the hairy, sock loving brute dashes toward your comrade. Due to some amazing luck, however, your comrade successfully avoids being pulverized when he accidentally backs up a tad too far, and flips over the side of the ring, yet manages to hold onto the ropes. Which, due to some even more amazing luck, causes his attacker to fly over said ropes, and collide with the hard ground below.
Determined not to let his good fortune be in vain, your teammate hops down and pulls out a ladder from underneath the ring. He begins setting it up below the suspended God-King, as you look on, impressed yet perplexed by his commendable performance. He hastily climbs up the ladder in an attempt to reach D.Z.A., when suddenly, chair-wielding Sock Puppet Man out of fucking nowhere! Out of nowhere, that maniac with the sock puppets drops from above, and smashes your partner over the head with a steel chair, knocking him off the ladder and onto the ring floor. You hear an unseen announcer states that your teammate appears to be out for the count, and that the victory for your team now depends on you alone. Judging by the unsettling gargling noises and involuntary muscle twitching of your comrade, you'd have to agree. The members of the Sock Puppet Guild approach you, yet you feel certain that any fool willing to challenge you to melee combat must have a death wish. After all, your host is a fire ogre. A being known for its superhuman strength and relentless brutality. Thus, you are confident that you shall have no problem helping them fulfill said death wish by crushing them into a fleshy pulp. However, after being beaten into half-conscious submission by an onslaught of punches, kicks, suplexes and body slams, this preconception is proven to be painfully wrong.
Drifting in and out of consciousness, you hear a song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOPiw1N088o&feature=related) begin to play as the victors make their way out of the stadium, carrying the God-King (who seems to be suffering from a bad case of lightheadedness as a result of being hung upside-down for so long) with them, while they're showered with boos and insults, and pelted with popcorn and empty plastic cups from the outraged armies.
> Sargeras and the Lich King: Summon troops to maintain peace.
>Suddenly, Zerglings.
Before things get too out of hand, a group of demonic creatures and undead monstrosities wearing security uniforms show up on the scene to keep the rambunctious soldiers in check. And for a time, relative calmness is kept. That time lasting right up until swarms of feral, alien beasts with organic scythes protruding from their backs overrun the stadium, and the entire thing becomes an uncontrollable bloodbath.
Death Star fires with a blast so powerful it destoys the entire universe as DZA is transferred to another universe with the Goa'uld Inside the Body of a Screaming, Spatula-Wielding Fire Ogre.> You both float somewhere in the Koprulu sector.
Meanwhile, in one of the hospital facilities of the Deathstar, Commander Tesyius speaks with one of his subordinates about their next course of action:
"Fire the Überlaser!? Commander, I know that you're upset about the recent turn of events, but there's a reason usage of the weapon is considered an interstellar war crime! The power contained in a single shot simply puts too much stress on the fabric of spacetime, it could potentially cause the entire universe to collapse on itse- "I wasn't asking for your personal opinion on the matter, Colonel. I was giving you an order. Now, if it isn't an order that you're willing to follow, I can gladly kick you out of this space station to join the rest of those doomed souls, and can carry it out myself." Commander Tesyius replies uncompromisingly, cutting off the colonel. "Besides...a universe in which I am not victorious, is a universe that I have no reservations about bringing an end to. Now go, and FIRE IT!!" he commands, grabbing his mouth in pain immediately afterward.
As blood, guts, and various appendages litter the floor around you, everything goes completely silent, and your vision steadily fades to white. You are unable to tell if your host has suffered a major brain injury, or if the cause is something external.
>Super Dave: Survive because you can't die. Fly into the other universe, managing to hit the miner and bring him with you.
>Miner: Actually know Super Dave and be old friends with him.
The miner breaks into a panic as spacetime starts to rupture around him. "...We're too late." Mr. Referee mutters, his voice weighed down by hopelessness.
Just then, the indestructible man jets by and grabs onto the miner, carrying him over the landscape as the very seams of time and space slowly come undone. "You didn't think I'd just leave you here, did you?" the indestructible man asks the miner with a grin. The miner smiles back at his good friend. "Hold on, this place is falling apart, and we've only got one chance to make it out of here..."
The indestructible man looks around a bit. "There!" he shouts, altering his trajectory as he prepares to fly through a particular rift in spacetime. "Remember, whatever happens, don't let go!"
Suddenly... The Word Suddenly comes out of nowhere. Physically saying it, it proceeds to hit every single living creature.
After nothing but silence and an overwhelming white light, you are brought to your senses by the abrupt feeling of being struck by something. Startled, your eyes begin to dart around, investigating your surroundings. You soon deduce that you are currently floating in outer space. Koprulu sector, from the looks of it. You note that something seems slightly off, though you can't quite put your finger on it. You also notice that you are not the only one here in this vast, empty expanse. You can see the God-King a few yards away from you, shouting obscenities to himself:
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuuuck!!"
He seems pretty agitated about something. Oddly enough, he also has a far more spectral appearance than usual. In fact, if you look hard enough, you'd swear you could actually see through him. You consider asking him what's wrong, but suddenly come to the unnerving realization that, due to the severe deficiency of air that space tends to have, you can't breathe.
Name: ??
Host: Male fire ogre.
Age: 1,170.
Badassery Level: Below average.
Location: Outer space, Koprulu sector.
Inventory: Spatula.
Post by: agertor on July 23, 2012, 02:42:46 am
Post by: Vgray on July 24, 2012, 11:42:55 am
> Goa'uld start blasting Sock Puppet Man with your spatula. (Stargate fans just think staff weapons.)
> DZA try to float toward the giant ship that just appeared.
Oh, and I think I smell a new chapter in the life of DZA. Someone figure out a way to get DZA a ship!
Post by: King DZA on July 24, 2012, 03:44:39 pm
Oh, and I think I smell a new chapter in the life of DZA. Someone figure out a way to get DZA a ship!
Seeing as the last two chapters are only twelve sections long, I guess you could say this one is a bit overdue for a good ending point.
Post by: Phantom of The Library on July 25, 2012, 11:35:56 am
>Gary Oak is in the hangar bay.
>As is Sho Minamimoto
Post by: raptorfangamer on July 25, 2012, 12:08:59 pm
>you see Old Man Henderson blinking trough space-time fighting hastur, he finally blinks permanently into your ship and blows up half of it, killing hastur.
He mutters something about garden gnomes, and you persuade him to join your forces.
Post by: agertor on July 25, 2012, 01:40:25 pm
Post by: Vgray on July 25, 2012, 04:48:11 pm
Post by: Spinal_Taper on July 25, 2012, 06:01:26 pm
Post by: King DZA on July 30, 2012, 08:51:40 pm
Morgan Freeman, the god of narratives inexplicably appears and begins narrating the story in his calming voice.
"Ah, hello there. Right now you may be wondering why this story isn't being told to you by a parasitic alien in the body of a loud, spatula carrying fire ogre, or a young adventurer, known throughout the universe by only three simple letters. The truth is, none of that is all too important right now. What is important, is that my services here are needed. And that this story, regardless of who's around to narrate it, is one that must continue to be told...
This day, the day that changed our young protagonist's life forever, had started out with a very unpleasant discovery. Upon reawakening in a universe alternate to his own, the God-King found himself stuck in a strange, spectral form of being. And while it did not take him long to realize that he was now residing in a different universe, he was unable understand the reason behind his uncanny, ghost-like state. D.Z.A. had experienced death before, and knew right away that this was something else entirely. He felt almost as if there was something preventing him from fully existing in his new environment."
Sock Puppet man rides atop the shoulders of Sock Hero who rides upon the shoulders of Susan. Sock Puppet Man yells out. "Time to save the day!" But you can't hear him too well, its hard to hear in space. Suddenly the ogre and D.Z.A. are now atop Susan who seems to be sustaining oxygen somehow around her body. Perhaps she breathes out oxygen? Sock Puppet Man and Hero Sock stand side by side, helping D.Z.A. up and dusting him off with goofy smiles. Then they turn to the ogre. They walk up to him threateningly, "Why are you picking on Dirty Man!?" Sock Puppet man pokes into the ogre's chest a bit hard, trying to get some answers. Hero Sock simply flexes continuously in different positions behind Sock Puppet Man.
>you find an screaming spatula-wielding fire ogre that might not be what he seems
Music, for immersion-inducing purposes. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_8Nrx-67EY)
"Angered and confused by his situation, which to him felt like only another addition to the endless streak of unfortunate situations he had already been through, the exasperated D.Z.A. cursed and shouted to himself as he hovered in deep space, lacking the faintest idea of where in this new universe he was, or what he would do now. It was not until he spotted the colossal six-armed creature named Susan rising up beneath him, along with two of his companions from the previous universe, that he was finally able to regain control over his emotions.
He was slightly taken aback when the colossal creature had passed right through him as she continued her ascent. For the God-King, the arrival of Susan may have done little more than add to his still-growing confusion. But for a very lucky nearby fire ogre, that in his rage, D.Z.A. had failed to notice, her appearance was a godsend. She somehow seemed to have a cloud of breathable air surrounding her, saving the ogre from an untimely death within the cold depths of space. Admittedly, the air carried a stench of half-digested, rotting corpses. But as long as it kept him alive, the fire ogre would not be too bothered by it.
D.Z.A. quickly glided upward to catch up with Susan, and just as he would expect, he soon found himself in the company of his two sock-obsessed companions from the previous universe. Despite being caught off guard by their friend's less-than-physical appearance, they warmly welcomed him with big, silly smiles spread across their faces, before turning to the fire ogre, and greeting him in a much less friendly manner. Although D.Z.A. was happy to see some familiar people in this new universe, the fact that they were not suffering from the same spectral, restrained existence that he was only perplexed him further. After all, they had come from the same realm as him, and had to have been transported to this new one at nearly the exact same time. So why were they perfectly capable of fully existing here, while he was not?
Meanwhile, the sock puppet man spoke to the fire ogre, demanding to know why he had been so intent on bringing harm to his good friend. He jabbed the fire ogre in the gut with his finger to provoke a response. He would have jabbed him in the chest, but as it turns out, ogres tend to be fairly tall. The fire ogre didn't say anything, he simply glared down at the little sock puppet wearing man with contempt, while the sock puppet man's partner struck various poses in the backround to show off his hairy, yet well-built body.
The God-King watched the fire ogre suspiciously as his companions confronted him. He had hardly payed attention to the creature earlier, but now that he was taking the time to observe him more closely, he could tell that something didn't feel right about him. Then again, nothing had really felt right since his arrival in the new universe, so how could he know if his intuition was accurate?"
> Suddenly, the Hyperion jumps in right next to DZA and the Goa'uld.
> Goa'uld start blasting Sock Puppet Man with your spatula. (Stargate fans just think staff weapons.)
> DZA try to float toward the giant ship that just appeared.
"The adventurer's mind began to wander, but his straying thoughts did not get far before being pulled back into focus by the emergence of an enormous spacecraft. D.Z.A. stared at the vessel with great curiosity. Few times had he ever seen one of such size, and never before this up-close. In the end, it was his curiosity that got the better of him. With a final glance back at his sock-clad companions, he assured himself that they would be able to handle things if the fire ogre became troublesome, and floated over to the spaceship without delay.
Sadly, the departure of D.Z.A. presented the fire ogre with the exact opportunity for vengeance he had been waiting for. Once D.Z.A. was far enough away, the fire ogre hit the sock puppet man with a blast of plasma, fired from his spatula before his target could even think to react. Due to the small size of the spatula, the plasma blast failed to kill the sock puppet man as the fire ogre had hoped. However, the shot was unfortunately powerful enough to knock the sock puppet man off of Susan, and send him drifting into space with a grievous chest wound."
>The ship is piloted by the Link from the Legend of Zelda Show. He blares "EXCUUUUSE MEE PRINCESS" through the ships psychic speakers as he rides by.
>Gary Oak is in the hangar bay.
>As is Sho Minamimoto
"As the God-King approached the ship, he was mildly offended to hear a foreign voice in his head insultingly call him a princess. Nonetheless, this only further fed his curiosity about the enigmatic spacecraft.
His spectral form rendering him unrestricted by the physical barriers of the universe, he traversed straight through the walls of the behemoth craft, until coming upon a bay of the ship containing two young men."
>you see Old Man Henderson blinking trough space-time fighting hastur, he finally blinks permanently into your ship and blows up half of it, killing hastur.
He mutters something about garden gnomes, and you persuade him to join your forces.
Music: Like salad dressing, but for literature. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kK5AohCMX0U&feature=player_detailpage#t=1s)
"D.Z.A. had decided to reach out to these individuals, in the hopes that they could help him to make sense of what was going on. But before he could so much as offer a simple greeting, the sound of sporadic shotgun fire rung throughout the ship. The young men ducked down, looking for the source of the gunshots, while D.Z.A. simply hovered there, catching glimpses of two different beings as they jumped between dimensions of the universe, locked in combat with one another. After a little while, the gunfire ceased, and an eerie silence settled across the vessel. One of the young men did a quick search around for any signs of the attacker, but no one was to be found. 'What the hell was tha-
He was abruptly cut off by a large explosion that caused the entire ship to quake. Before anyone knew what was happening, the entire back-half of the ship began to fall apart. In the chaos, D.Z.A. was trying to find his way around the expansive spacecraft, when he ran into a rather out-of-place looking elder. His hair spiked up into a mohawk, and his clothes akin to what one would expect to see a tourist wearing, D.Z.A. was intrigued by the unusual man.
The two started talking, and found that they got along surprisingly well. Even if the only thing D.Z.A. could understand was a few utterances concerning garden gnomes.
Shotgun in hand, the elder led the God-King to the bridge of the ship, while the God-King himself assisted by temporarily opening up any passageways that were closed off to prevent the remaining crew from being sucked into the vacuum of space. He discovered that, if he focused, it was possible for him to interact with tangible the objects in his surroundings, and with much greater strength than if he were completely mortal."
The ship has the voice of Hero Sock as it talks out loud. "For the Guild!"
"The tunic-wearing pilot of the space vessel had just shut off the alarms as D.Z.A. and the elder joined him on the bridge, and was in the process of trying to figure out what was causing the ship's automated announcement system to malfunction, yelling the phrase 'For the Guild!' in a voice it had never been programmed to use."
> DZA: ponder just what the hell is wrong with the universe. Or any universe. Maybe your just a weirdness magnet.
"The God-King's utter lack of understanding regarding recent events caused him to bury his face in his hands out of despair. As he contemplated his situation, his mind was clouded with an array of questions that he wished someone could provide the answers to.
'Where in this universe am I? What is the reason for all this? Why must things always go awry?' Trapped in his state of partial existence, not technically alive, yet not exactly dead either, existence itself felt empty, trivial. Even if he did feel that is was now easier for him to tap into his omnipotence.
The God-King looked out through the windows of the bridge, and observed the distant celestial bodies. The ship he was in was hardly a ship at all at this point. It would better be described as a large metal capsule, floating lazily among the stars. While D.Z.A. was aware that it didn't matter whether he was within the confines of a spacefaring vessel, or adrift in the void of space itself, he knew that any remaining crew members had little chance of survival without the help of a good miracle or two.
It was that moment, the moment that would change our young protagonist's life forever, that only a single thought resided in the God-King's troubled mind..."
"Where do I go from here?"
"For some, this may seem like the final step of a truly epic journey, and the last line to one absolutely remarkable story. But for those with their eyes to the future, it could very well be seen as only a prologue. A prologue to yet another adventure of grand proportions, silently waiting to be written."
To be continued...
Spoiler: Letter (click to show/hide)
Post by: agertor on July 31, 2012, 01:20:32 am
As the Sock Puppet Man was blasted into space, he drifted off. Hero Sock reached towards his comrade. With his loss, the Hero Sock grabbed onto Susan, and yelled off. He had secretly put his voice in the ship so as they would not miss him. Screaming "For the Guild!" would be an honor for their battle cries. Kicking the ogre off of Susan towards the ship, Hero Sock rode Susan in the direction of Sock Puppet Man, tears streaming from his eyes as the last images of his lifeless body went off into space. Sock Puppet Man did not move, nor did he have time to speak before he was hit, what was left there in the middle of space was one of the two sock puppets, simply floating there. Hero Sock and Susan disappeared for now, their mission was to find Sock Puppet Man.
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on July 31, 2012, 09:39:09 am
The ship performs a pillar of autumn fall to the ring. (including the covenant shooting it down. Bonus if the same is happening to the pillar of autumn at the same time on the other side.)
Find survivors of the wreck.
Go to the other ship. (If you include it.)
Post by: Vgray on July 31, 2012, 09:56:33 am
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on July 31, 2012, 10:18:37 am
Now I need to figure out a way to involve the Nomads in the story.
Have them be on the Halo ring.
Post by: raptorfangamer on July 31, 2012, 11:01:23 am
On the other hand, you see every familiar face you faced glance into and out of existence, just to see the toad man, the beard, and the cat materialize before you, behind them being the heroes of dwarf fortress, and behind them, all of your friends that in your new conscience call
"self inserts"
The fan headed creature goes near you, and offers you a temporary body if you answer him some questions, apologize to the field costumer service for stealing a weapon, and to see if you can reveal the form of the ogre.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: King DZA on August 05, 2012, 12:35:12 pm
Headed to a biker rally today, and no idea how long it's going to last. But the new project should be up soon after I get back. Though, admittedly, the given suggestions have already made me tempted to jump into the next chapter so that we can commence the alternate universe shenanigans.
Maybe I'll work on at least getting the first update for the first chapter done...of course, before I can do that, I need to know whether the majority truly wishes to continue this adventure.
Post by: Vgray on August 05, 2012, 04:44:11 pm
Post by: King DZA on August 26, 2012, 01:54:14 pm
(Prologue for Sock Puppet Man and Hero Sock)
As the Sock Puppet Man was blasted into space, he drifted off. Hero Sock reached towards his comrade. With his loss, the Hero Sock grabbed onto Susan, and yelled off. He had secretly put his voice in the ship so as they would not miss him. Screaming "For the Guild!" would be an honor for their battle cries. Kicking the ogre off of Susan towards the ship, Hero Sock rode Susan in the direction of Sock Puppet Man, tears streaming from his eyes as the last images of his lifeless body went off into space. Sock Puppet Man did not move, nor did he have time to speak before he was hit, what was left there in the middle of space was one of the two sock puppets, simply floating there. Hero Sock and Susan disappeared for now, their mission was to find Sock Puppet Man.
"The grieving Hero Sock outstretched his arm to his mortally wounded friend as the distance between them rapidly grew. He held tightly onto Susan, and shouted out in despair.
Though the fact was unknown to anyone on the ship, Hero Sock had personally gone through the trouble of tampering with the vessel's automated announcement system, in a way that would ensure the guild's legacy would live on in his and the Sock Puppet Man's absence.
Hero Sock turned toward the fire ogre, who stood by with a satisfied grin spread across his face, and kicked him off of the colossal Susan. The ogre was sent crashing into side of the critically damaged ship. The sound of impact echoed through the spacecraft's interior, providing even more worry for the remainder of its crew.
With tear filled eyes and a heavy heart, Hero Sock steered Susan in the direction of the Sock Puppet Man as he disappeared into the void of space, leaving behind only a single sock puppet floating placidly in the vast emptiness. Soon, both Susan and Hero Sock were gone as well. They had their own mission to take care of now, and knew that if they were to have even the slightest chance of success, there would not be a minute to waste."
Repair the ship and blind-jump to a halo ring.
The ship performs a pillar of autumn fall to the ring. (including the covenant shooting it down. Bonus if the same is happening to the pillar of autumn at the same time on the other side.)
Find survivors of the wreck.
Go to the other ship. (If you include it.)
"D.Z.A. could feel the panic and dread among the remaining crew. Aware that time was quickly running out for the stranded individuals, he decided to put his own worries aside, and see if there was anything he could do. For no matter how troubling he found his own situation to be, he simply could not allow them to perish without at least making an effort to help.
With his arms extended and his palms facing outward, the spectral God-King closed his eyes, and focused as much as he possibly could on returning the enormous spacecraft to working condition. Almost as if the catastrophic damage that the ship had suffered was put into reverse, the destroyed portion of the craft slowly began to reconstruct itself. The broken and scattered bits wreckage reformed and reconnected with one another, until nearly the entirety of the vessel was once again together in one piece. However, keeping it that way was a challenging task that required the God-King's constant focus, lest they risked having it crumble apart again mid-flight. Doing his best to keep the behemoth structure together, the God-King told the pilot to land the ship as quickly as possible.
The pilot began to explain that there was no suitable landing area anywhere near them, and that it would take at least a couple hours of preparation before they could attempt any reasonably safe leap through warp space, but D.Z.A. doubted his ability to keep the ship together that long, and refused to let his efforts be in vain.
'Just do it!!' the increasingly stressed God-King shouted. Without much other options, the pilot made a blind jump, and hoped for the best. D.Z.A. struggled as the ship traversed dimensions, but was able to keep it mostly intact until they reached their unknown destination.
Once the ship had come to a stop, the pilot gazed out in amazement at a titanic ring-like structure floating nearby.
'I bet we could land on that!' the pilot said confidently.
'Then what are you waiting for!?' D.Z.A. replied, showing signs of fatigue.
'Well EXCUU-'
'Don't even fucking start.'
The pilot stared begrudgingly at D.Z.A., before putting the ship into manual drive, and heading toward the ring.
"'Hm, that's strange...' The pilot remarked.
'What is it...?'
'I can see another large ship on the opposite side of the ring...looks like it's being attacked some-' The pilot was cut off by the rumbling and alarms of his own vessel as they suddenly began taking heavy fire from an unknown enemy.
The ambush made it even more difficult for D.Z.A. to hold the ship together. The pilot desperately struggled to keep the enormous spacecraft on course, hoping that its built-in defenses would be enough to keep their attackers at bay. Sadly, it was not to be. Their craft was soon overwhelmed. The God-King screamed out in frustration as the ship became too damaged to keep in functioning condition for any longer. With only a few miles left before impact with the inner surface of the ring, those aboard ship could do nothing but brace for the landing, and pray they'd still be alive by the end of it.
The landscape was littered with the burning ship debris. Once their mysterious attackers were no longer in sight, the God-King worked to salvage as many lives as he could from the wreckage. By the time his search was over, he had amassed a humble group of five survivors, made up of the two young men he had encountered earlier in the ship's hangar, and three other nondescript, yet very lucky crew members. As D.Z.A. and the others gazed around at the depressing scene, a silhouette emerged from the flaming heap of metal. With a shotgun in one hand, and the tunic-wearing pilot slung over his shoulder, the silhouette turned out to be none other than the unusual looking elder that D.Z.A. had become well-acquainted with in the short time they had known each other. The elder walked over to the group of survivors, and dropped the pilot onto the ground. Although he was alive, he seemed to have taken some heavy injuries from the crash, and kept muttering something about 'needing more hearts'.
D.Z.A. could see thick clouds of black smoke rising up in the distance, and recalled what the pilot had said about another ship being attacked. Although he had no idea just how far off the other crashed vessel was, or if any of the crew had survived, what he did know is that his own group of survivors were stranded in unknown lands without any supplies, leaving their options limited at best. With nothing left to lose, the God-King decided that they would travel to the source of the smoke, with the hopes finding answers to some the many questions he had. And, if they were especially lucky, a means to prolong the survival of the other group members. Before they could embark on this journey, however, there was a much more urgent matter that the God-King felt a need to investigate..."
you find yourself confused once more, as the sardaukar and the fremen are seen fighting in the background, a gigantic sand worm erupts before your feet and aims for the sardaukar to satiate its bottomless stomach.
On the other hand, you see every familiar face you faced glance into and out of existence, just to see the toad man, the beard, and the cat materialize before you, behind them being the heroes of dwarf fortress, and behind them, all of your friends that in your new conscience call
"self inserts"
The fan headed creature goes near you, and offers you a temporary body if you answer him some questions, apologize to the field costumer service for stealing a weapon, and to see if you can reveal the form of the ogre.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Looking off into the opposite direction of the distant smoke, he was able to see what looked like a small battle occurring in the middle of the barren alien desert they had landed in. He told the others to stay by the wreckage and went to get a closer look. The intense skirmish seemed to be between two unknown factions, who were too occupied with killing each other to pay any attention to the spectral D.Z.A..
D.Z.A. continued to watch the fight, until a rumbling that could be felt coming from deep below the desert sands caused a sudden ceasefire among the factions. The God-King felt great unease from the ominous rumbling. And that unease quickly transformed into paralyzing fear once the beast responsible emerged from beneath the ground in front of him to catch its next meal. The massive limbless creature, commonly called a sandworm, ascended high into the air, before crashing down onto one of the factions while the two forces were retreating from the area. Many of the unfortunate faction's members were caught in the gaping maw of the sandworm, while the others were pulled beneath the sands with it, when they fell into the large sinkhole that formed as it descended back into ground.
D.Z.A. never liked to bring it up, but ever since he was a young child, he had harbored a deep-rooted fear of sandworms. The tales he had heard of the enigmatic, desert-dwelling creatures had made them one of the few beings in all of existence that he genuinely dreaded ever having to encounter. Watching one eliminate a battalion of well-trained soldiers firsthand, was like watching a nightmare come to life. Even if the beast was of little real danger to him in his spectral form. The God-King remained there, eyes wide with terror, and trembling uncontrollably. The only thing that managed to snap him out of his state of extreme fear was the sight of several beings from his past flashing between the realms of existence. Before long, the beings fully manifested themselves in front of the God-King. The three most prominent of these beings were the great toad man, his loyal feline companion, and a disembodied beard known as the Spirit of Dwarf Fortress. Behind these three stood the numerous legendary heroes of Dwarf Fortress, and even further back, the God-King could spot the many other old friends and allies he had met during his grand adventure.
D.Z.A.'s emotions began to fluctuate. Seeing the familiar figures of his past was comforting in his new, confusing, and apparently terrifying environment. However, that sense of comfort soon turned to anger when he noticed that not a single one of the newly arrived individuals was suffering from the problem of being stuck in a spectral form of being as he was. It seemed they were able to insert themselves into existence without having any difficulty whatsoever, while he had to make a conscious effort just to interact with the physical things around him. He clenched his hand into a fist, greatly frustrated by his lack of control over his own state of existence.
The God-King's moment of inner frustration was interrupted when one of the beings approached him. With a large metal fan in place of a head, he was surprised that he was somehow able to understand the being when it spoke to him. The fan-headed creature told the God-King that it would be willing to supply him with a temporary physical body of his own, on the conditions that he allow himself to be questioned, offer an apology to the 'field costumer service' for stealing a piece weaponry, and attempt to reveal the true form of the fire ogre that had been seen around earlier.
D.Z.A. didn't know how to react to the fan-headed creature's offer. He was suspicious of why anyone would be interesting asking him questions for a reason he was unaware of, he had hardly any idea of what weapon he was being accused of stealing, and even less of an idea of who exactly he would be apologizing to. And although he was certainly wary of the fire ogre, he never suspected the thing of having an alternate form. Even if he did, all of his encounters with the ogre had been brief. He couldn't understand how anyone would think he would be in possession of such information. Of course, none of this made the offer any less intriguing.
And so, the God-King thought carefully about his situation, hoping to find some clarity among his conflicted feelings..."
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Epic
Location: Barren alien desert.
Inventory: Nothing.
Post by: Powder Miner on August 26, 2012, 03:27:46 pm
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on August 26, 2012, 04:51:59 pm
>Master Chief sees what is happening (I think you should write what he does next, due to my unknowing of how you will decide to write the reaction.)
>Begin to wonder if the universe is assisting you, or is out to get anything when you observe a fluffy wambler kill the sandworm.
Changed action further down.
Post by: agertor on August 27, 2012, 12:09:10 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on August 27, 2012, 04:20:21 pm
"Now forward onto the questions, I want to know how does it feel being ethereal, how you reached this state, and if you met any similar corporations like this as before, or after the incident. Anything that can count as bizarre or strange can go in too, as my boss will chop my head off -again- if I don't give him a frivolous yet believable excuse."
"Now, the fire ogre has my suspicions of not being like that. his movements are sluggish compared to the ones of our lower-ranking drones, which to your information are fire ogres themselves. He can pose a great danger to my corporation and as such, I want to know what is controlling him and if he is capable of real damage."
"Once you get those things sorted out for me, I will start the manufacturing of one of our exosuit prototypes and mix it with what seems the best ethereal containing object from the place you come from. A vacuum cleaner."
Post by: Vgray on November 19, 2012, 11:36:15 pm
*Does complex blood ritual* Live!
Post by: King DZA on November 20, 2012, 04:55:10 am
Post by: Vgray on November 20, 2012, 01:16:21 pm
Post by: King DZA on November 21, 2012, 09:16:07 am
Post by: Xantalos on January 03, 2013, 07:22:17 am
The air next to DZA pulses, almost as though something is trying to come through. DZA, being the portal master he is, opens a nonspecific portal on that location out of curiosity. Something, though it's hard to tell what, falls out. It looks up at you - well, you can't actually see it looking, but it gives the impression - and says, in an oddly distorted voice, "H͝ęll̢ơ. ͜I se̛e you ͝hav̴e p̨ow͞ér,̧ would͏ yo҉u ͢m̢ìn͢d̀ fr̨e҉ei͘ng̷ ̀m̴e?"
Looking closer at it, you see that it ... lacks something, almost as if it seeks to reunite with some greater whole, but is unable to due to some sort of barrier that is also not a barrier - the barrier is essentially reality-warping by some degree.
Would it be wise to free something warranting a barrier of that power?
After considering the possible outcomes, you decide, why not.
The ... thing ... is placed within the center of a ritual circle. Huge ritual to charge up magic to break the barrier commences, and soon you feel the power surging through you, and with a grunt it is shunted toward the barrier.
Looking with your (magic vision), you see the clotted knot of your power strike the barrierish thing surrounding the mysterious entity at the one point it seems to conform to reality. The force of the power cause it to punch right through the barrier, and apparently that was some sort of keystone thing because the barrier collapses immediately. The mysterious creature dissapears, but not much else happens. Confused, you look upon the location where the thing previously was with your spectral vision and find - ohshitballsmotherfuckerelvencrapassplungerAnubisraping Picasso this was a horribleideawhydidyoubreachthebarrierwhywhywhyyyyyyyyyy-
You instinctively shut your eyes and turn away from the abomination you unwittingly unleashed, crouching down in the hopes that it would not take notice of you. From behind you - though you suspect direction, or reality, will matter soon - you hear sounds uncommunicatable through text form - imagine some eldritch howl of exultation. With a start, you realize that even though your eyes are shut, you can see. Your body seems to have dissolved, however. You look around, and see ... nothing, really; the being you released seems to have destroyed literally everything. Then you feel something tap you on your nonexistent shoulder. You spin around and find yourself face to face with a strange figure - a silhouetted figure in a thick winter suit with the hood drawn up on its head. There is a light shining from somewhere behind it that prevents you from seeing it's features, and you notice that it's fingers are unnaturally long, almost bladelike.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
H̴̴̵́͝e̡͢͞ļ͡ļ́͘͢͢ơ̸̧͝,̵̨̢́ ҉̵D̛̛͟Z͟͠À.̛͜ ͘͏̕Į҉̡҉͝ ̛͢͠͞a͟͠m҉͠͏̴ ̢̛͞s̸̶l̶͘ì̢̕͜͜g̡̛̕͢͠h̡́͘҉̛t̛͟l̡͏͡ý̷͘͢ ̧҉ş́͘̕̕u͏̧́́r̶̢̡̕͜ṕ̀̕r̡ì͏͘͞s͢͟͝͝ę̸ḑ́͞ ̢́͟͞t̀̕͠h҉̀͟a̵̡̛t̴͞͠͡ ̧͢y͘͠o̶͢u̴͞ ̷̢á̵̡͘r̨̨͝e̸̵̛͞ ̵̵̢̧́t̴̛̀́͡h͘͝é̶̵̀͟ ̕̕͞o͝n͟͡ȩ̷́͘͠ ̵̷̢t̕̕͡o͢͠ ̛͘͢͢͠f҉̵͟r̵̡͢͡͝e̸̛͘͜e̴̷͞ ̛̕҉m̷̸͘͢͜e͟҉͟͡ ͏f̵̸̕͟r̷̷̀o҉̛͞m҉͜͢͝ ̷̶̛͢m̡͠y̷͞ ̵̶̢͟p̶̢͢r̀͜͠i̵̷͠s̴͜o̷n̢.͟͏͠ ̢͞͡͡N̢̢e҉̸̧́v̶̷̀ę̕r͜t̸h̴̛͠e͏̢҉̧̡ļ̛̀͝é̀͞͝s̷̢̛͞s͡҉̢̕̕,̡͡ ̵̀͟͠͠Í̷̕͠ ͠҉͘͏̴a̛͝m̸̧ ̵҉҉g̶̨̡l҉́͞͞a̷͞d̷̶̴̶͟.̷̴̢̀ ̡҉I̷̧͝͠ ͡҉͝͠h̷̨a̶̢͝v̨e̶͢͢͞ ̕͘͠ş͏̡p̶͟è͞͝n͏̡͢͠t̨̀͠ ̛́͜͞s̡̡͟͢ờ̵̢͠ ̡͘͡l̨̢o҉n̷̶̡͘͟g̢̡̀͟ ͟͡҉̴͜l͡͏o҉͏̧̛͜c͞k̷̛͟͝e̢̢̨͟͞d҉̛ ̶̴̡͞a̸̸̡̛͜w̶̴͢a̶̡̕͟͢y͏̴ ̵͘͜t̷͟h̸̵a͢͞t̨͢ ҉̷̷̕͟t̀͢h̕͢͝è̡҉͡ ̵̢́f̨̛́͝o͘͜ù̧ŗ͘͏͜͏-̢͜e̴̡̡͝o҉͘͏́n̵͏̸̀͘ ̡͘͘p̛̀͟͡͠u҉̧͞n̡̨͟͝į̡͠śh̡̕͏̶m̕͢͡͝͝e͏͏̷̧̀n̢̛͢͜͜t͏҉͟͠ ͠f̡͞o̡̡͜ŗ̴̷͟ ̷͟҉ḑ̵̨̛̕è̡̧̀f̢̀y̶͡í͟͡͞n͠͏g̴͏ ̕̕͠͠t͘͡h̵̸͡e̵̢̨͘ ̷̵g̶̕͘͝ò̷̴͝d̢ś̶̛ ̡̡͜͞͡s̀҉è̸̸̢͢ę̸͡m̵͝͏̷͜s̢̀͡ ͝l̴̨͜i̧̧̧͞͡k̢̕̕͟͝e̡̧ ̶̶̧̛͜à́͡ ͘͏̡͟ś̴͢͝͡e҉͏c̴̨̢͢͜o̵҉n̢̛͟ḑ̛́ ̢̧t̢́͘͟o̕͡ ̴̛͘m̡̀̕è̵́͟͡ ̶͝ņ̷̷̕o̢͝҉͞͠w̨̛͝ ̴͞.̧́.͠҉̴͠.͜͡͞҉͏ ̸̀͘à͟͞ ̷͜͠͡m̸͠e̷͘̕͢͝r̸̷̛͞͞é̴ ̡̛͞҉s͏̵̶̛͝e̛͘͜͝c̨̛̛ǫ͜͜n̡͏͜ḑ̷͠͏,̴̢̀͡ ̵͞͏c̢̢̀͟͝ó̸̡̨͘ḿ͘p̸̡̡͜a̧̛͝r̸̢͡e͏̕d͘҉̵̡͡ ̵̴͢͡t̴͞o̸͟͢͝ ̴̨a̶͘͘͝l̡̛̕͟͝l̵̨͝ ̷̸͏̵͘t̴̸̡͘h͢͟a̕t̴̢͝͝͡ ̛́́͞e̸͡n͝͡d̢͟͟͟͠l͢͞͝ȩ̷̸͘ś̸͞s̵̢̛͞ ̛͞҉̸̧t̴í̵͝m̢̨̧͟e̶̢̧͠ ̷̀I̶̴͜͡ ̢̛͜s̢̧͝ṕ̧͘͞͝e͟͜͝n͏̴̢͘̕t̸̢̛̕͟,̸̕ ̢̛͢͢a̷̴̢̛̕b̷́͏̨s̨̡̛͝e̴͘͢͜͞ņ̴̶̷́t̷̸́҉ ̧͞͠͠f̷̡̧͢r̡͟͡o̧҉̶͏̛m҉̸̢ ̸͘m̢͞y̢̧̢̛ ̸̢͟͢͠r҉̛͘͢í̀̕ģ̢̀͘h̢̨̡t͞͞҉͟f̷̵̡̨ų̴͢͟l̨͜ ̸́͟͜͠p̷̢̕l͏̧̀͏͞a̷c͏̴ę͞͝͝.̢̛ ̡̧͏̕B̸͠u̧͡t̡͢ ̵̧̧̧ń̡́͢͠è̷̷͢͞v̷̧͜͠è̶͝r͜ ̢҉̢y̶̧͢͢o͜͠͠ú ͢͞͠͝͝m͠i̴̡̕͞n̸̨̢d̡͢͟ ̡҉̶̡͞-̵̶͞҉̶ ̵̧Į̷́̀̕ ̡̀a̶̶͡͡m̴̕͘ ̨ņ͢͡o͞t̵́͞͠ ́͜͠h̶̨͡͠é́ŕ̶̨͘͜e̢͜͜ ̴̕ţ̀͡o͢͞͏͏ ͡͞d͝e̢͞ś̴̀t̡͢͟͠r̷͘͝҉ǫ̛҉y̶̛͟͝ ̶҉̀y̸̢̢̛͡o̡ù̸̴,̀̕͞͡ ̷͜͟ŗ̕͘͢͢a͟t̡͘h̕҉̀́ȩ̶̸҉͞r̀̕͘͡,̀́ ̷̢̕͢I̶͠ ͝͏ḩ̨̛̀a̛͟v̶̛̀́ę͢͝ ̴̴̕͢a̴̛͟͟ ҉͡͏̨p̛̛͟͟r̴̀͢ò̀͟͞ṕ̶̨͞͝ơ̴s̕͠ì̵͜͢͝t̶̴͡͞i̶̢͡ò̶n̷̕ ̶̨̨͝f̧̧́͘͜o̸͢͡r͟͝҉ ̵͘y͘͠ǫ̷͜u̷̢͢͜͡.̡́͝ ̸̨̧͘I̴͏̵ ̡̢̀k̴̴̕͝͠ņ̛o͘͟͜͏w̵̧͜ ̡̛̕҉ţ̸͜͠҉h̴à҉̧t̨ ̢͢͞y̶̨o̷̵̷̴͡ų̶ ͢҉m͝͏͞a͘͠y̵͏ ̧̕e͜͡v҉͏͟͢e͘͘͝n̸͟t̴̡́͜͠u͏̷͠a̡̧l͜͜l̢ý̢̡̕ ̴̶̶g̀͠o̡͡ ̶b̨̀͘͟a̸̧̡̛͘c͝͏͞ḱ̵̨͜͝ ̀͢͏ţ̀͝o̷̡͡ ̕͝͝͏̷y͜͟ò̵̡́͞u̷̕͡҉r̶͜͢͠͝ ̨̧͡g̴̸̕o̸͜͢͜d͡҉͏͏ ̡̡͘͞͏g҉̧̢a̷̡̧m̷͘͞ȩ̸̸͝ ̴̛̕͜a̴n̷d͜͏̷͝ ̷́͝͞c̵̛͠h̷̕͘͏͡ǫ̧̡o̴̡͏s̕͟͞͠e̶͟҉͘ ̢̨ş̵̢̢̀ó̧̧m̕͡e͟͏̷́͠ ̕͟Ć́͡ḩ̸o͏͜͡҉s̵̸̀e̸̛n͏ ͟͢͢Ó̸͢͠ń͞͞e̴̷s̷̨͢͡͞ ̷̛͢t̷̸̨̀ó̶ ̶̀͠͝f̧͏͢͝i͏̴̸g̵̵̀͢͜h̡͟t̢̀ ͝͏̕ó̡̧͝n̕͡ ̸̷̷͢y͏̵͟͡o҉̡͘u͘͜͟ŗ̷̵̡́ ̷͟͠͠͞b̴͜è́h̸̴̷̛ą̴̀͘l̵̢̀͟͜f̕͏͡͏̧,̸̸̴ ͏͢a̷͘͝n̨͢d̴̸̸ ̸̧I̵̧̨͘͝ ̧́͡͠w҉̀a̢̛͠n̷̵͟͝͡t͢͜͞͡e҉͜d͟͟͝ ̶̸̀͘t̶̸̕͜o̧͜ ̡̡͝͞t̵̡̕͝e͜͠s̛͢͝͠t̵͏ ̀́͟s̡̢̕͜o͟m͞͝è̷͟͝t͡͠h͏̵i̢̢͟n͟g̸͢͢ ̶̢͞o҉̶̕͜u̸t̡́͝.͢ ̴̷̨̕͝
Spoiler: In case reading it is impossible (click to show/hide)
The suited figure holds out it's hand and a miniature human appears above it, standing unnaturally still. Suddenly, it begins to convulse and pulsate, before it's skin rips open and it changes and mutates into a variety of new forms, all seeming to be composed out of human flesh.
M̷̸̡͠a̵͢r̛͏̶̡͡v̸͏e̷͟͟҉l̶̶͢ò҉ų̴̨͘s̸̶̴͡,̕͘ ̴́̕i͏̸̢͘͢ś̵̢͢͜ ̵̵̨͞i̛͝t̵̕͢͟ ̸͡͝͠n̡͡͞͝o̶̵͞t҉̵͘?͟͢͝ ͏̧͜͜T͟͞h̵̵͠e̶͢͞ ̸̶́͡͝p̶̵̡é̶̸̸̛r͏͢f̶̢̡͘͜e̸̕҉c̢͠t̢̧̀͜͠ ̢͢b̴͏̡̛i̵̷̛͜o̴̴͜͜l̀҉o҉g̀̕ì͞c̶̡͏à̶̷͘l̴̕͟͠ ̕͏҉o̡̕͢҉͜r̸̛g̸̡̡̨̛a̷̸n̵̨̛͜i̶̷̕͜s҉̀͢m̷͘.͢ ͠͡͠Ì̢̛͟͠ ͢҉͝s̶̡h̴҉o̶͜͡͞ù̶͠l̴҉̶̛ḑ͢͡ ̕͢͞k̸̵̢̨̛n̨҉̷͢͡ơ̢̧̧̨ẁ̷͝,̡͏͢ ̧̛͢͞͡I̡̢͘͝ ̶̨̢̛d̨͞҉̡͜e̢͏̸́́s̷҉i̷̷̧͡g̶̢͘͘n̷e͏̵͞҉̶d͘͏̷̧͠ ̀͜͞͞i̧͜͞t̷͘͝͞ ̷͜͡m̨̛y̧͢s̸̡͠ę̸l̵̀̕͠f̸͜͝.̵̶̧ ̶̵̧҉M͟͝͞a̧͢y̷̶̧͝b́҉̡e̴͏́̕̕ ͝͏̵͘g̵͟҉̵͜a̧̕͝͡͝v̸̸̷̷͜e̸̕͠ ̷̧i̴͜͞t̸̕͠ ̧́͏a̶͞͏̢ ̧̕͟f̧͟͟e̵̵͡w̸̷̡̕͜ ͝͏̸w̷͘͘̕e̛̕͜҉̡à̢̕҉k̴̷̨̛҉n̶̨è̢͝҉ś͟s͏̡҉̀ȩ͘͠ś̷̨̛͝,̢͟͞͠͝ ̵̶̨͜͢s͏̸̷͜ú̷̷̸c̴̡̢h̵̛ ̷̶͢͝͞a͢͏̛s̴̕͝ ̕͡ìt̷̢͟͠'̶̛͜s͏̷͞ ͏́̕͠p̧̨͝r͘͜͡ǫ̵̡͠p͜e̸̴̢͢n̵͟s̴̡̢̛i̸̴͘͘t͏͠y̸̵̧̕ ́͢͡͠f̸̶o҉̕r̷ ̷̧̀c̸̴e̡̕̕͝l̨͡͏̀l͘͏̕u̷̷l̕͞a̷̶̸̡r̨͘ ͝í̵͡n͏̶͏͡͞d̴͝é̸̶̛͟ṕ̷̡͡͡e̵͘͞ń̴̸̵͡d͜͠͏̢̛e̷̶n̵̢͟ć̢̡̢͟e̷̢͢,͏̨ ̸҉́͘҉b̢͞ù̸̕͏t̴̢͟ ̵̢́͟o҉̀t́͜͞h̢͞é̵͏ŗ̧͝w̸̢͢͜i̡̢s̶̸͘͘͝e̴̵̛͘͠ ̶̀͢͡i͜͞t́͏̷ ͘w̴͢͝ǫứ̢̕ļ̸͡d̡͘n̷͏̴͠'̨͡t̀͜ ̶̧̧͡f̵͢͢ì̶̢̧t̢́̕͞.͏͡ ̴̸̀̕͏A̴̕͘n̢͜͡͡҉y̵͜h̴͞҉̶͝o̢̡͢͠ẁ́͏,̨̡͡ ̸͘t̕h҉͏̴͠e͢͠҉ş̶̶͡é̶̵҉͠ ̢̨̛͝͡t̸͜h҉̛͘͝͠i̸̶̢̨͘n͏̧ǵ̨s̶̷͠ ҉̷͜-̧̢̀͜ ̷͘҉o͠͝͝r̶̡̡ ̷̸̴m̵̛ò́r̸̀̕͝é͢͡͞ ͏̀͘͞a̴̛͜͝͞c̵̛͡c̴̨̧̀͘ư̸̵̷͏r̷̡͡a̡͜t̡̨̛́͡ȩ̵̢͜͢l҉̴͢y̨̨̕͘͜,͘͡͏̢͝ ̵̕͡͞t̛͡h̶́͢͜͞ì̷̢͟ş̷͠͞͝ ̴̵t̸̨͜͠͝h̢į̶̶͢n̷̸͡g̸͜͡ ͜͠-̀͢ ͘i͏̛̕͜͞s̢͏͢ ̴̨̡͘͘à̸̛͟҉n͏ ́́ơ̕͘r͝g̴͞͡͏̶ą̸̨́͡n̶̡i̸͘͟͞s̸̨m̴̢̛͘ ̶̡t̶̢͢h̶̴́a̶̸̢͏t̸̨̀҉ ͜҉̸̡̢t̸a҉͝͡k̴̨ȩ͠҉s̴̢͘͡ ̵͢͏ǫ̵̶͏̛v̴̀͡͞é̀̕͞r͠҉̨̕ ̵͜͠a͏҉̢n̛͏̡͏̵d̵̵̴̀͝ ̷͝i͘͢͢m̷͘͟͠ì͘͡t̸̨҉̕a̶̶t̀͏̀͘èś̵̨̕͟ ̵͠i҉͏t̷̨͘'̡̧s̕ ͢͞͠͏ṕ͘r҉́͡҉͞e̶͘͢y̨ ̷̷̨͠҉a̴̷t̸̀ ̴̕ţ͞h̨̢ę͟ ̷́́͢c͘͠ę̷̸҉̶l̨̛͢l̵̶ú̶l̴̀a͢͞ŕ̢ ̴̧̡̛̀l̸e̡͏͏v̀͜͜e̡̛͢͡ĺ̛.̧̢҉ ̨҉͏̵A҉͏͝n҉̵ý̢̕o̧̡̢͟ń̴̀͞͡é̶̕͜͞ ̴̴̢̧ą̵̛̕r̸̨̀͘͢ó͏̢̡u̵n̨̨͢͏̀d͏͏̨͟ ́̕͞y͏͡o͞͝͠u҉̢̨͏ ̴̧́c̕o͡҉̡̀́u̵̴̵̧͟ļ̨̧̕d̷̡̧͘͡ ̵͘͠b̛̀͜͏̵e̡̢͜ ̴̨͏̧o͏̵̀n̕͡è͝ ̷͝ơ̵̷̵͡f͟͝҉̧͏ ̨́ţ͘͠h̵̵̡̀͠ę̴͡m̀͞ ̸͏á̶͘͠͡n̨̛͠d̴҉ ̢͘͞y̶͜ơ̴̵͢͟u̧̕'̴̕͠͏̛d̸̸̷́ ́͘n͏̛͜e̵̡v̕͞e̷͟͟͡r̡͟ ̶̕͟͡k̶͘͟n͏̵̢̕o̷̶ẁ̷̡͠ ̵͘i͡t̷̸̢̛ ̸͟͟͏u̸̧̢͠҉n҉́͜t̢̀i̸̢͜͞͡l̵̛͜͡͞ ̡͝͏i̛͘t̵͏̵̧́ ̨͘k̢̀į̛҉͢l̶̶̴̡͝l̸̡̛͠e͠͡d̶̢ ̧͘͞y̷͜͠͝͝o̵u͏҉.̸̡̀̀̕ ͜҉͝P͏̴l͏́҉͟u̶̸͝s̡̨̡͘,͏̷ ̴̨͝e͟v͏͢e̷̢͘͜r̴҉͡y̡̛͝͡͡ ̕͡c̶̢e̢̧͢ĺ̸ļ̴͠ ̧̛͘í̸̡͜s̴͞͝҉̛ ̸̷́á͠ ̛҉͠ś̕e̷̸̵̡ņ̷͘͘t̨̛͟͜i̷̡͢͠e̴̴͘̕n̨̨͟͠t̵҉̀ ̴̸t͏̷̀͡h̴̸̷̕ì̕n͠g̷͜͏̷̡,̧͜ ̵̵n͘̕̕o҉̵t̸̨͢͏ ̧̨͡͞i̸͡ņ͢͏͘e̴̛r̴͟t̴͟͠.̵̢͜͝ ҉̴͏̴I̸̧t̴̸̡̧͞ ̵̷̡c̨̛͠à̴̸̡͢n̡͏ ̷̕҉s̶̨͜h̢̕͘̕à̡̕͝p͏̷҉e̶͞-҉ś̀͏h̛̀̕į̵̴͘͝f̶̢͏t̴̨͟͜.̢͟ ̸̛̛͢Á̶̸̵͞n͜͠͝d͘҉ ̴̀͞i̴̢̛͢t̸͏ ̶̷҉͝w̶͜ơ̛̛u͘҉l̶̴ḑ̶͜͡ ̧͘͢b̧͜͢͝e̴͘͟͞ ̸̶̴̷ą̵͜ŕ̵o̷̷̵u͘͘͝͞n̷͟͠d͏͘ ̨̨͜͟͡ş͜t̡͏̵͏͡i̷̷̛̕͠l̷͢͢͡l̢͢,͡͠ ̴̢̀͡i҉҉̧́f̴̶͢ ̛͠͏͜͞.̷̛́͝.̧҉͡͏͢.͟͠͞ ̀̀͠y̡͡͝o̷̵̡͟͞ų̶̴̀͜ ̶̛ḑ̶̶̛o҉̶҉ņ̸̧͟͡'̸̡̛̀t̨̕͠͝ ̵͝ņ̵̧͡e̕͏ę̴d̷̷̷ ̵̷̛́͜t́͜͜͢ó́ ҉̸k̴̴̨̡n̨͟͟͏̷ǫ̷̢̀͡w̶̨ ̴̀͡t͜h͏̧́͟͡a͏̛t̨͡ ̕͡y̸҉͞͠ét̷̢̡͝͝.̕ ̧̨̛
̸̢̢̀͘A̶͢n̨҉́͝y̡͘̕͏h̵̛͜͝͡o̧w̷̧̛͜,͝ ͏̷́͝Į̢'̶͡v̴̨́͡͝é̵̷̛̕ ̨҉d͟͠ę̷̵́ç̶̸̡͟i̶̢d̵̴̕͢e̶͠d̸͡ ͏͢͢͏͞t̶̴̢͘͢o̶͘͢͜ ̴̨͜g̀̕͡i͝͡v̨͝͡e̷̕͏͢ ̛t̢͠h̢͢e̸̕͜͜m͠͏́ ͏̵̛͡a͠͞n̶͘͠ ̷҉u҉̨p̀́͘͟ģ̷͟͡ŗ̶̴̕͡ą̨͜͠d̢͘͞҉e͏̷̶͢͡!̶҉̷̷̡ ̛͟͝͡O̵͞ņ́̕l̶̵͟ý͜͠ ̷́͠͡b̕͏̵e̢͜ì̧ǹ͢g̷̸̢ ̡͢͜a̧̕͟b̵̸̀͠l͞e͏̨͜͟͝ ̧́t͘͠o̶̢͞ ̶̸́͡͠d̵̡͝͏ò̶̸͞͡ ̀́s̨̕͞͠t̸̡́́̕u͡͠f̨͘͢͠f̶́͜ ͏͘͟w̵͝͏ì̕t̷̶̀͝͞ḩ̷͟ ̷̵̸͢b̸̵̧̢ì̡ó̴̴͞͠ĺ̷̴͡o̸͜͡ǵ̸͜͠í̵͡͡c̡̕͢à͜ĺ͟ ̢̛o̵͞͡r̢͝͞͞g̶̨a̶n̡͏i̡͟͝s̨̧͘m̡̨s̢̀͜͜?̀̕ ̛͏B͟͟á́́͟ǵ̡҉̧;̡̛̛ ̸̵̧́ẁ͡h̨͏͡a̵͢t̶́̀͡ ̶̛҉҉ẃ̧͞͏a҉̸̷̨͡s̶͢͠ ̵͜Í̶̛̕͠ ̢̡͘͟͢t̵̢̀͘͝h҉̧͘͝i̷̶͟͜n̡͝k̶̡͢i̸̴̵͘͢n̨͞͠g̛̕?̡͠҉̕͢
The same human appears, only now it forms into a gas, then a rock, then a car.
T́͟h͠i͟͠s҉ ̵͡ơ͏͢ǹ̸́e̛ ̨́́҉c̵͞a̷͟͏ǹ͢͏͝ ̵̸͘a̷̢͞͠b̡s̸͜o͜͟͜͝r҉́̕͡b̴̛ ̵͠o̢n̸͏̨̧҉ ̶͠҉t̨́҉̷͡h͏҉e̵̵͏ ́҉̨͟A̸͠T̶̨҉̀O̢͢͢͡͠Ḿ̡͏̀I͝͏̶Ç̧̛͘͏ ͠҉҉͜l̵è͝v́͜͜e̶҉͏̶l̨̕͝!̴̵̡͟͡ ̀͜N͝͞o͢t̶̕͘͢ ̧b҉͜҉̀͢à̴̵͜d҉̵̧͢͠,͢͠҉̢͟ ̨̛́͘h̛́͘u̕҉̸͜͠h̵̨͘?̧̨̀͢ ͜͞A̸̧͜ņ̴̵͘͞y̨̕̕͢͡ḩ̡̛o̸̶͠͞w̴̕̕,̴̶͘͘ ͡͏j҉͢͢ù̴́s̡͟t̢̢͞ ̷̨̀̕w̕͜͝a҉̷́n̵̨t̀͝҉͡ę̷͘d̸̕ ̴̴̶̛t̵̵̀ơ̷̸͏ ̷̸s͟h̶̷̀͞o͏͘͢w̶̨͘c̸͜͡a҉̕͏ş̴̴͝ȩ ̢҉t͏͞h̴̢͜i̶s̵̛ ̴̢͢͠҉t̸̕͡ơ̧͢҉ ̧̀̕y̢͡҉ǫ̸͠͝ú̢̀̕ ̴̡̛͜͞a̶̡s͘͡͞ ͘̕͟a̷̴̧̕҉ ̀͘t͏̵͘h҉̸̨ą͏̷͟͠n̢҉ḱ̨͝s͏̡͟͠ ̸̕f̢̡o͏̷̢̀͜r̶̢ ̸̛͟͡g̸҉҉̷͜é̶̢t҉̷͘͜͡t͏̛҉i̸̕͠҉̷ņ̷͠g̕͝ ̡̛͝͏m̴͞҉́͜e͢ ́͘͟͝ơ̴͢͞ų̨͢ţ́͡.̴̨͏̵̷ ̀͞I̵̡͘͞'̢́͝͝l͢͞l̶̡̛͝ ͏̨̢̕b͘͢͟ȩ̶͘ ̡̧͠d̴̨̛̀ŗơ͠p̴͜͟͏͟p̵̸̡̧͜í̸̡̨͞n͘g̶̨̛ ͏̶l҉̶̷ì͘̕͘t̵̢t̢̛͠͝l̸͡͝͡e̷ ͜͏́T҉͘͟ǫ͘̕͏r̸͘͟͢͡Ź̷̵̨͢o̴̶̢̢n̷͢͞ ͝͏̴̵h̶̛͝e̷̶͢͠r̶̴̀͘͜e̷̛̛͘͠ ̷́͘͟ơ͟͝͠f̴͞f͠҉̀͏ ̴͞a̵̧͡t́ ͟͠t́h͠͞è̴̸̢ ̵̡͘͢͞p̸̷̛o̴̢͢͢͝i̴̡̢̡̕n̴̷t҉̡͢͝ ̡̢̕͡͞w͘͠h̢̢̧͢e̴̸r̢͠è̸́͘ ̸̀̀͢y̴̡͞o̶̡͝u̶̕'̕͜ŕ̵̶̨̢e͡ ̵͘͞s̷e͡͏ǹ̸͏͡d͜͠ì̀͘͟͝n̨͘̕ǵ҉̴̸ ̵͢͝͝t̷̕͜͜͞h̷̵e̢̨͏ ̷͠҉͏͞C̶̨̡͟͡h̀͡ó̢̡̀̕s̕͜͝ę̷́͜n̶̶̸͠͠ ̧̡͠ḑ͞͞o̶͏̵͜͟w̡͠͏n̢̡͏ ̷̷̸̡͞t̵̨҉͢͜ò̵͘ ̵̡҉̷c̸̵̨̧͡o̸̡̧̧͡ḿ̸͟͝p̕҉̀͞e̷̛t͏͜͡e̷̡̛.́͘ ̸́͟I̢̨͞'̨҉̀d̷̛ ̛͢e̶̡͢͟r̴̶̡͞҉a̡͘͘͞s̡̨̀̀͝é҉͘ ̧̛t̵́̕͜͜h̛̀ì̛͏͠s̡͟ ̧̧̧̛͟f̧͜͟͠ŕ̛́ǫ̶̴̸̧m̵҉҉͜ ̸́́͞͠y̢͘ơ̴u̢̨͡͏r͘͏̀ ́͜͟͝m͏̡e̵͟m҉̧ǫ̷͢ŕ̴ỳ͟͝҉,̢͢͟͠ ͏̶̵b̢́͘͠u̴̧͜҉t̨̀͢ ͜͏̸̨͠I͘҉̀͝ ̷̕t̶̀̕͝h͢͢͝i̶̧̕҉̢n̛͏͢k̴̨͡͠ ̧I̸̸͢͢'̷͝͏l̢͢l̷͘͠ ̡̕͡j̨͘͢͟ų̛̕s̛͢͡t̴̷̷ ͏a̷̷̕͟͠l͏́͝͡t̸̴̵̵e̷̶r̢͝͞ ͟͢į̸̸͜͜ţ̛̀ ̧͢s̴̵̢͡o̢͘ ̷̀̕͠͞y̨̛͝ò̵̕̕u҉͞ ̛҉̸̡͟d̵̕ǫ̸̶̢͢n̢̕͡'͘͞t҉͟ ̡̕r̀͜ȩ̸͘͞m̴̢͜é̸͢͝m̷̡͜͡͏b̷̧è́͡͠r̨ ̛̕͠͞t̢̡̕̕͝h̕í́͞ś̶̢̀ ̢͘͡m͝͏̡̕҉ǫ͏̨ń̛͡͠͞ờ̢̢͞ļ́́̕͘ó͠͏g̴͟͜͞͡ų͜҉e̵̷.̶̷̶͞ ҉̶͏͘G̢͞͝ờ͟͡o̵҉d͘b̶̛͝͞y̴͟e̴̡̢̛ ҉̨̛͟f̶̨͞҉ó̴̧̢͟ŗ ͟҉n̴̷̢̨͝o̶̴̕͠w̢͜͟҉,͘͜҉̨ ̨͘͞d͡ȩ̀̕p͏͞e̛͘͏ǹ̶̨̡d̴̀̀͟͠i̷͜͝n̸̢͡g̸̴̀̀ ̶̴̀́͜ơ̵̸͢͟n̶̵̡͢ ̴̸҉h̸́̀̕̕ǫ́͝w͢͏̵ ̸͜I̷̡̛͝ ͏̷̀́͡f҉e̛͜e̶̶̷͟͞l̀̕͢!́҉́͟͞ ̢͜N͏̴̡͞o͟͡҉͢ẃ̶͜,̀͘͡͡͡ ̛͡ơ̷͜͟f̀͠f̶̸̷͝ ̀͟t̶̴͘͟o͝҉̷̧̢ ̧t̷̢͢ą̡́͜͝k͘͡ę̵̀͞ ͘͟͜͞m҉̸͟͡͠ỳ̴̕͡͝ ́̕l͘͏ǫ̶́n͏̡͡ģ̶̕͢͢-͘͟͜a̸̕͠͏̡w̢͜҉a̢̢i̧̕͢t̕͡e̶̷̡̛d̷̶̛͡͝ ̕ŗ͡͝͏è̀͘͟v͠҉̀͘͞e̸̛͠n̵͠͡҉g̛͟͠͝e̸̡̕҉.̷̴̸͘͡.̧͝,̨̛͝
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
In fact, you're not sure what happened either. You can't remember a thing.
Post by: Vgray on January 27, 2013, 02:36:57 pm
"Gods! I hate inter-dimensional travel. Alright. Where is the being known as DZA?"
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on January 27, 2013, 05:09:24 pm
A portal of shadow opens. The air crackles and hundreds dark beings march out of the portal. A young man in a black hooded robe a boggart and a strange bird creature step out behind them.
"Gods! I hate inter-dimensional travel. Alright. Where is the being known as DZA?"
Another man clad in a
Spoiler: list (click to show/hide)
"I don't mind the inter-dimensional part, the time travel is what creeps me out. Better not run into my past self. That would just wind up with a major paradox."
Post by: Vgray on January 27, 2013, 07:55:55 pm
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on January 27, 2013, 08:09:43 pm
Post by: Vgray on January 27, 2013, 08:19:41 pm
Post by: Zanzetkuken The Great on January 27, 2013, 08:38:17 pm
"Bloody confusing if you ask me..."
"Not as confusing as 1% of the stuff I've seen..."
Post by: agertor on January 27, 2013, 08:39:19 pm
Post by: Xantalos on January 27, 2013, 08:59:34 pm
Socks!((Isn't he dead?))
Post by: Kestrel_6 on January 27, 2013, 09:31:25 pm
"Damn... Phaser..." the man groans as he gets up.
"What did I miss?"
Post by: Vgray on January 27, 2013, 09:41:18 pm
(I suppose DZA is used to random beings appearing out of thin air/falling from the sky/stepping out of random portals by now.)
Post by: Kestrel_6 on January 28, 2013, 12:14:03 am
"We were just talking about Paradox's and how you met your past self once."
(I suppose DZA is used to random beings appearing out of thin air/falling from the sky/stepping out of random portals by now.)
"Yeah. What are we doing?"
Post by: agertor on January 29, 2013, 02:45:01 am
((What's dead?))Socks!((Isn't he dead?))
Post by: Xantalos on January 29, 2013, 04:17:05 am
((Sockpuppet man. You made a whole character arc out of his death.))((What's dead?))Socks!((Isn't he dead?))
Post by: agertor on January 30, 2013, 11:26:04 pm
((Sockpuppet Man doesn't remember his death, and therefore is not.))((Sockpuppet man. You made a whole character arc out of his death.))((What's dead?))Socks!((Isn't he dead?))
Post by: Xantalos on January 30, 2013, 11:36:52 pm
((Tou did a gigantic post about Hero Sock beating up DZA for letting him die?))((Sockpuppet Man doesn't remember his death, and therefore is not.))((Sockpuppet man. You made a whole character arc out of his death.))((What's dead?))Socks!((Isn't he dead?))
Post by: gman8181 on March 03, 2013, 09:29:01 am
In the distance a group of space marines come riding in on warthogs (the car or the animals, I don't care). Closely behind them are a group of aliens who also seem to be fleeing.
"The parasite broke free! Run for your lives! It's going to infect us all!" Shouts the closest marine.
Post by: agertor on August 16, 2013, 07:19:29 am
Post by: raptorfangamer on August 16, 2013, 11:51:16 am
((*performs cpr to slightly annoy people and in hopes to revive it a bit.))
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
you are an evil
Post by: Xantalos on August 16, 2013, 02:36:30 pm
Whyyyyyyyyyyy
I thought this was an update
Post by: agertor on August 16, 2013, 07:36:43 pm