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[Xanmyral]

One, two, three, four, I declare a sig war?

[Armok]

*Schoolyard chorus:*
War! War! War! War! War! War! War! War!

... just like the good old VN times, me hopes tis'll become!

[mastahcheese]

Don't start what you know you can't finish!

Don't make me come down there.

[Persus13]

Your going to need congressional approval for a war.

A Sig police action on the other hand should be fine.

[Tomcost]

I HEREBY CLAIM A SPOT IN THIS THREAD.

Greatwyrmgold! For the future of this mission, you will give me that foot massage!

OH GOD I'M PMING MYSELF

*stroke the floor lovingly*
*stroke the floor seductively*
*stroke the floor in a way worthy of a restraining order*

Spoiler: Derm's Perplexicon Song (click to show/hide)

Do you believe in Magic?

In a young Magi's heart?

How the stabbings will free her

Whenever they start?



It's MAAAAAGIC!

if the chances are groovy,

It makes you feel power like an old poison doozy


I'll tell ya about the magic

 It'll free your soul

 but it's like trying to tell a murder, from a suisooo(i)oode~


 If you believe in magic, don't bother to choose

 If it's lightning or fire, or, swords and spooooons~

 Just make some science~

It'll start with a saying

 It will wipe out their life no matter how hard they try

 Your feet start choppin

 And you can't seem to find

 How it's not there

 So just, blow your mind~



If you believe in magic

 Come along with me

 We'll kill until morning, just you and me

 and maybe, if the Chances is right

 I'll meet ya next turn

our words so briiiight~



We'll go a fightan' baby then you'll see

 all the magic's in the soul and the souls are in me, yeah


Do you belive in magic? Yeah.

 Believe in the magic in a young magi's soul

 believe in the magic of fire and cold

 Believe in the magic that can set me free

 Ohhhh, talkin' bout magic


 
 Do you believe like I believe?

 Do you believe in magic?

Ominous laughter as the music fades out

I'll take garden-variety, reliable, mutilation thanks.

I just double-checked, and they're on the Tomplexicon list, so I'm not sure what you're talking about.

Perhaps you should cast Summon Hemorrhoid Cream?

"Who's a good ghoul? Who's a good ghoul always ready to MURDER?"

Spoiler: Derm's rap against one of my bosses (click to show/hide)

"Guide, play a sick beat."

R-597   Riarneest R-279   Iumumne A-811    Teriati

"Now, listen up ya'll,

We got us a challenger in the house,

Comin' in, thinking you're so tall,

but in reality you're as small as a mouse.

yo

Watch out son I'm comin' at'cha

With my sword and my chord I will blast ya,

with a whip-crack

and my sound-track

you gonna come in last, ya?

Watch me soar on my dragon wings,

Gonna terminate all your dolly things~

cause when I got a sick beat

things are gonna get a little sweet

watch out man, we are the kings!

Collection?

Correction!

All you got is a sad Rejection!

From me, you see

I deny

So comply

With my decree!

Word."

Fly into the air and switch to the Air/Light/Water candy.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Don't start what you know you can't finish!

Don't make me come down there.

You know what would really fry their bacon? If you updated a map of some kind. They would just hate that.

[dawnstar]

But elves hate me!

"They hate everyone. They just especially hate you."

the height of stealth tech involves melting people's eyes with high powered lasers and creating extremely loud wailing noises from speakers that make people's ears bleed.

CATS!

They are made for hats.

It needs to vibrate, and the tentacle arm needs to spaz out.

That would be neat.

Dammit freeform, of all the purposefully shoddy work mine has to be Actually Shoddy.

Someone should sig that.

...Did...Did GWG just semi-condone something as ridiculous and admittedly kinda stupid as the Descanpocalypse?!




RUN FOR YOU LIVES! CTHULHU IS DESCENDING UPON THE EARTH ONCE MORE, AND THE ELDER GODS SHALL RISE! DON'T YOU SEE?! THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS HAS BEEN VIOLATED AND DESTROYED!

And so it was told. The greedy dwarves of Bay12 would have to wait three days. Three days, they would have to survive without knowledge of the true world. Three days... without the glorious presence of Lune... But on that final day they would receive a rant. A rant to end all rants! Thirty-five paragraphs of pure epic! And so the dwarves agreed, their greed overcoming sense...

((Working on it still, give me a few more days.))

give me a few more days.))

few more days

few more days

We're in for the rant of a lifetime.

And so the rants BEGAN IN THE GREAT RANTING OF 014 AND AS IT WAS TOLD IVAN OUR WISE SHAPESHIFTER GAVE A SPEECH OF UNIMAGINABLE LENGTH FILLED WITH BOREDOM AND LUNE KNOWS WHAT ELSE!!!!~~~~~~~~~

While searching around, you realize something.
You're in a Starbucks.
Alone.
With no laws.
No rules.
Specifically, none against stealing.
You have now achieved your life dream.
FREE. COFFEE.

"Hm, let's see. You hit, I make plan, you win. You hit, I no make plan, dragon bites your hand off."

Rants! Rants! Rants! In all their obscene, shining, unabridged glory! I must have rants to sustain my existence!

Hmm, "play"...hmm indeed

(Yes, "Play."))

[TalonisWolf]

I DECLARE A SIG WAR

Are we going to have another derail?

Don't make me break out the poorly drawn art.

Oh don't do that.

Don't do that.

DO NOT DO THAT.

DO NOT DECLARE A SIG WAR.

One doesn't simply declare a Sig War...

One does not simply...

[CaptainMcClellan]

In protest of short signatures!

Indecision and lawlessness are unDwarven?

Indecision: n. An inability to decide which leader to follow, unto the point of replacing them yearly.

Lawlessness: n. see Murdermachines.

[...]Fiddle challenges with Demons.

That is one genuinely awe-inspiring way to make musicality more useful!

All you guys and your fancy coding languages...
I can make a console for my computer using nothing but Basic. Hooray for Visual Basic!

I do remember trying to nest an array inside another class subtype... That didn't work, which flummoxed my Software Development teacher. By rights, it should have.

Visual Basic? thats' that language where you can have three different keywords for empty variable - Null, Nothing and Empty? and where you should use paretnthesis when calling a function, but should not - when calling a procedure? and a few other funny tricks. Right, VB is great!  most chaotic language that I know.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Pffffffft.

Resisting urge to break my signature addition limit...

Don't resist, that urge is how you know you spend at least barely enough time on these forums.

So know the difference between a kilt and a skirt. ( Since tone doesn't carry over the internet: I'm kidding about the shovel, but I'm dead serious about kilts being male exclusive. )

"Ye know why it's called "kilt'? 'Cause we kilt anyone who called it "skirt"!"

Yeah, kilts are great!

ARE THE RUSSIANS COMMUNIST???

[1]

YES

FUTURE TIMETRAVELLING COMMIES

((You should allow Sollux citizenship and make him founder of the Hussie Hunters, a group of elite special forces that weed out any Hussies before they can corrupt Cheezistan or become Bosses.))

Wake and realize I over-slept for work. Get showered and dressed and dash off as fast as is reasonable to catch a cab.

[20]

You take the red pill and "wake up". Your work doesn't really matter any more, as it always was just an illusion.

[Comrade P.]

Screw those wars of thee, I need space for my sigs.

"I got this scar back in the trenches. A frenchie stabbed at me with a bayonet. So I ripped the rifle from his hands and jammed it through his face, butt-first.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW! YOU'VE TURNED ME AGAINST MY OWN PEOPLE!

Yes, quite.

It would be still enough to label me an bloodthirsty enemy of the free world.

Can't have a proper debate without electric shocks.

what is it with all these people posting in different languages and not translating them?

especially if you're posting that different language as an "explanation" of something.

it's mostly Comrade P. that does it with Russian

I don't know Spanish or Russian and I don't think a great many people here do, while almost everyone knows English (being an English board and all)

Дорогой товарищ Дескан, учитывая нынешние тенденции в геополитике, русский язык Вам следует всё-таки учить. Надо будет потом как-то переговариваться с кровавой российской оккупационной администрацией после окончания очередного вторжения дружеского визита миролюбивых западных евроинтеграторов в Россию.

Your very Russian face.

I'm now 100% convinced your name is Oleg and you live near the Volga. Your job is to help hairy old women carry their sacks of potatoes across the river. You're giving a speech about that very job in that picture. You fear Estonian terrorists every day as they want to steal the potatoes.

The resident Russian.

I object to that. I am more Russian than P.! I can out-Russian him, should I wish to.

[Comrade P.] IS A COMMIE OBSESED WITH GUNS.

A guy who looks like he eats kittens.

Ukrainians are white

pff, nobody other than protestant anglo-saxons is white

what is white anyway

goddamn racists getting in the way in my casual reading of bay12's most entertaining argument simulator

I'm now tempted to post a picture of my sword for you to come up with a backstory.

Do eeeet!

Spoiler: Have at thee (click to show/hide)

This is an arming sword. The blade, tang, and pommel are made of steel. The handle is made of cherry wood, wrapped in cow leather. On the pommel is an image of circles in steel. The blade has been spot welded. On the blade, there is a wide fuller in steel. All craftsmanship is of average quality.

@MZ That's a description, not a backstory.
This is Vurmtog. It was forged by the dwarves of Channelturned in 189. In 201, it was stolen by the kobold Stidilijleerus. In 215, it was recovered by the human adventurer Genam Mutesears. In 215, the human adventurer Genam Mutesears used Vurmtog to slay the dragon Usmok Quemerostri Usmokbestra. In 215, the human adventurer Genam Mutesears used Vurmtog to slay 3 wolves in Cloakband. In 215, the human adventurer Genam Mutesears used Vurmtog to slay 40 elves in Sabledefense.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

In a land far away, weapon making was seen as a skill. Those whose hands crafted the best blades also garnered the greatest wealth, and so in time could expect to control the entire land. One day, Comrade P. came upon this man of great power and influence fencing in a courtyard. Not one to intrude, he tried to slip away discreetly from his better....and was called back. Grimly, he turned to face the Master Smith, who held a blade of steel and leather, forged deep below in the Castle Vaults where many fell things were crafted. No gem or adornment did it bear, nor would it; the sword of a master smith was no decoration, but made for but one purpose. Fighting.

As it happened, the Master Smith wished to test his blade on a living opponent, and said as much. What was unspoken was that Comrade P was unlikely to survive, untrained and unarmed as he was. No sword was given. The gleaming blade was levelled at him, and with scorn the Leader threw a small, wrought spoon at his adversary. "This is a sword fitting to your station." Comrade P. said not a word, but lifted the spoon and twirled it deftly between his fingers.

Something was better than nothing, he would have thought, if given time.

The Weapon-Maker (adorned with robes which gave him quite the air of authority) whirled, the blade flicked like a snake....but Comrade was gone. As the blade lunged, so did he, twisting and turning with marvellous speed and assurity. The sword met only air, the blade master scowled, and it was Comrade's turn to attack. Grabbing the outstretched hand, he held the sword away. The smell of sweat and perfume mingled about the two combatants, and then a heavy thud came as the sword was dropped from twisted fingers. Anger flashed in the Lord's eyes, as did hate, but Comrade soon took one orb for his own- grabbing the end of the spoon, he thrust the other end into his foe's gleaming eye.

He ran, leaving spoon and sword behind, and though the Master Smith looked high and far over the following days and weeks, no trace of the commoner was to be found.

I don't quite know why I did it, but I did so there.

I like you Comrade.

"I must stop the memes," he shouted!
The mod said "No, Comrade P.. You are the memes."
And then, Comrade P. was a pepe.

Which means prepare your body because Xanta Claws is coming for your bleedy bits.

When things go horribly wrong in my RtDs, something like this might happen:

Today, I, Comrade P. and some of our meatspace friends were playing D&D set in his Humanazi-verse. Among other things, I burned down an elven forest retreat using some matches, my leg wrap, and a nasty roll-up, and poured hot chili sauce up a guy's butthole as a joint interrogation and sobering measure. My character still has the sauce bottle in case of further emergencies. One of my teammates bartered a 20-liter jug of moonshine off some villagers, and we're currently trying to hide it from our officers. All is going according to plan.

Also another one of my party mates is an extremely extroverted munchkin who plays a Dragonborn soldier and apparently believes she's invincible. She spent eight whole imperials on booze and hookers (literally) and then spent half an hour bartering for stuff we actually need because she was feeling greedy today. The unfairest thing is, she's currently measuring money in kilograms. It doesn't seem to be diminishing.

P has a... peculiar DMing style.

[TD1]

So, I got a Raw Shotgun
I was hungry, so I ate it.
It tasted pretty good. Should have cooked it though.

So, I gots a Raw Shotgun
I was hungry, so I ate dat shit.
It smoked pretty good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Should have cooked it though.

This...amused me greatly 

[Tawa]

Somebody set up us the signature!

Is a beautiful, beautiful human being.

I haven't had alcohol in about a year now, and I'm always too drunk to try researching American politics.

The tree of the forum is watered with the blood of new posters, and DF is the sword.

1000 years from now, when they dig up Miyamoto's secret mausoleum lined with golden Wii Us and his terracotta army of Marios, you'll know what your "internet subscription fee" paid for.

Didn't I tell you? You cannot escape the pillaging! (•‿•)

sig'd me? for some odd reason?

"I'll write a shitpost... and submit it!"

If this is not sigged, I shall be sorely disappointed. ^_^

By continuing to live you accelerate the heat death of the universe. All things are impermanent, all deeds pointless. All the more reason to make the present count, it's all we have.

"I accuse you, Tawarochir, of malicious plotting to cause murder, terrorism, and apparently littering!"

You're a fucking genius Tawa.

COPS FOR THE COP THRONE

I lost it at the magick carrier pigeon.

I will have 40 cakes in a month and a day. 

lex

you need to stop these bakery heists

please

what will the children eat

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Two of my front gate guards + eight war dogs, held off two ambushes long enough for my civis to get inside. Not one of the goblins died.. I told all military to NOT go outside. But I suppose the sight of the last front gate guard dragging his bleeding and mutilated body closer to the soon-closing gate was too much for one barely competent sword dwarf.

He was one tick away from the gate catapulting him into space.

And now was outside with eight dead war dogs, a dead guard, a guard about to be finished off, and somewhere around 8 goblins.

The sword dwarf charged straight in, stopping the guard from being finished off. Killed one, dodged another. A goblin went after the downed guard again. The sword dwarf would have none of it! He charged passed the three goblins in front of him just to back stab the goblin threatening his friend. Dodged a bolt, killed another goblin.

And so on.. Until no goblins were left. The sword dwarf took no wounds, and gained a title. The guard survived.

I made that sword dwarf go through #$%& as part of a suicide squad until I found that no matter what I threw them at, no one in his squad would die. Years later I ended up making him the military leader, Had a huge tomb made. suited him with artifact; 1 boot, 1 shield. Everything else Candy, with his candy sword named. I planned on having my adventurer come in and don his equipment, then invade the undead fortress in the depths of my fort, then pull the Fun switch.

But the mother#$%&r wouldn't die! And I wouldn't kill him.

That fort was dying due to FPS..
So I had the now legendary sword dwarf lead his squad into the undead fort and do all of this himself. He did it with no losses.. But I had forgotten he couldn't pull the Fun switch.. So I just tunneled down unleashing Fun upon the world. He stopped them.. losing every man in his military, he alone stood atop the bodies.
"What the hell are you?" I said to the screen.

The Antichrist is too busy playing Dungeons and Dragon to lead the force of darkness nowadays.

T-Tawarochir?

(The link was found by Dozebôm Lolumzalěs. Thanks!)

...
Shaddap, Taw.

Took on Walhart the Conqueror and listened to his big talk about being invincible and almighty and all that jazz, only for Sumia to electrocute his balls off and Chrom to slice him in half.

Tawarochir is a wizard composed of meat and strangeness. Tawa likes magic, shipfics, and technicallyadventurers for their strange ways.

Somebody should sig this.

Phoenix Wright keeps showing up to yell "OBJECTION!" at you every time you lie.

Tawa is, therefore he thinks.

Wait, where am I even posting? FG&RP? How'd I end up over here...

Ah, yes. The good old fashioned taser app.

What do you think, Tawa? He's my squire, but your slave, after all.

You really expect Tawa to not try to murder someone?

Anyway, it is obviously a snorkel. Someone is swimming in the lava. Ask said person for our sword back.

shouty thing with a stick

Fire Emblem: Awakening

I know that game! I have only watched its playthroughs, but it appears to be a horribly fun and adorable eugenics simulator.

Tawarochir beats me to updating. I have brought great dishonor upon myself.

Christmas shall henceforth be known as International Family-Obligated Consumerism Day!

"What, is your name?"

"Urist McForumGoer!"

"What, is your quest?"

"I seek DF 1.0!"

"What, is the average swimming velocity of an unladen carp?"

"What, you mean an African or European carp?"

"...I...I don't know that!"

*toady is thrown down the stairs*

Wizard. Dangerous, beware when approaching. Sniper bullets are useless, can deflect. If he starts chanting, yells something about a meteor, or casts any magic, run.

That's why all rugs should be black holes - they pull the room in perfectly.

For some reason I had a dream where I was in a different school, with a different English teacher, and that I buried her alive to avoid needing to do homework.

There was that one where there was a story, but once they got to the demiplane of salt, it... derailed.

All technological progress has been focused towards making one thing a reality - long distance hugs from strangers!

I just know there's going to be a question about English naval policy vs French naval policy, and I'm going to accidentally refer to it as a dick measuring competition.

What're you, racist? Racist against tentacled horrors from beyond the veil?

Do you just... sig everything? Is it some kind of fetish?

* mastahcheese throws Tawaorchir out window and orders a new one

I then called him a coward, and his head magically detached from his neck and sailed down the room.

I AM VERY DISGUSTED WITH THE TRASHY MAN. IN SPITE OF THE MONSTER, AND THE COACH, ONLY TRASHY, I WILL BEAT DOWN THEM ALL. FOR THIS I MUST STRENGTHEN MYSELF. THE MONSTER IS THE SAME TOO. COLLECT ALL THE TRASHY, RIGHTEOUS FELLOW ALL ARE UNPARDONABLE! YOU DON'T AFFECT ME. THE TRASHY STROLLING IS AN EYESORE!

It's a game we play at work. It's intended to mean putting a dollar in the racism jar every time you say something racist.

... so what do y'all do with the money in the jar?

Buy watermelons and throw them at poor kids in the ghetto?

10/10

the lyrics sound like something that Mozart would have written on LSD

We aren't always this insane.

We're not all completely batshit insane, I promise.

Guys, it's not nice to lie to the new members like that.

*Scratches the floorboards beneath Taw's feet*

Come on, man. It's cold down here. I'm scared. I'm stuck with Lyeos.

It's like Bilbo decided 'nah, fuck it, I'm not going on any adventures' and smaug was never killed, the balrog ate gandalf and then Sauron and his goblin minions won the war.

Please don't use my arms as clubs. They don't work that way.

Sasmar dead as fuckin fried chicken

It's not safe to eat goddamn raw toast!

What the balls is quantum happiness?

Non-Euclidean hookers are the best kind of hookers.

DF2014 in a nutshell:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Tawarochir... what did you do to poor Douglas Adams' corpse?

Dammit, Taw! Stop trying to steal my life!

I believe Taw just uses this thread as a sig-poaching site.

Shame on you!

a literal translation would result in you referring to your car as being multiple women

i recommend summoning cthulhu, for it is the #1 way at seeing cthulhu-level images

THERE ARE 21-YEAR-OLD SLACKERS STARVING IN AUSTRALIA AND YOU'RE THERE COMPLAINING ABOUT UNSLICED PIZZA

How would one foreshadow one's arm getting removed? Constant slo-mo nostalgic close ups of the arm in question with mournful music in the background?

The software titan Electronic Arts has come!  A huge blob composed of the reanimated corpses of former software companies.  Its hunger and greed are eternal.  It spouts nonsense and gibberish with its many mouths.  It moves its will in accordance with the opposite of the truth of things.
Beware its deadly lawyers!

If Toady were to die there would be no further development, as his entire playerbase would be killed, mummified and buried with him in a giant pyramid so that we may serve him in the afterlife.

Yet another lesson why you really should read the End User License Agreement that comes with your software.

Well, it depends on whether or not the game's levelup mechanics apply in this world I've been tossed into. If they do, I rely on the charity of the village I spawn in while I throw rocks at the ground for several weeks in order to become a godly juggernaught capable of punching out a dragon.

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW

I live in Trinidad and my real name is Mimi Kitty

Just fill the tunnels with bees.

Remember children, don't break your toys or Rith Thatthob will rip out all of your teeth and mysteriously murder you in your sleep.

My policy is to eat all the chips before the snack gnomes get to them.

I fell victim to insane nekkid children

Hi, I'm new to the forum but not to the game blah blah yada yada NOW FOR THE QUESTION

That is the best video of an almost-naked Japanese man getting shot while in the bath I have seen all week.

There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach.

And then Phoenix was a zombie.

Spoiler: MFW somebody asks me how many D&D games I've run here (click to show/hide)

Fire Emblem Mystery of the Emblem LP: On hiatus due to computer change
Pokémon Vietnamese Crystal LP: On hiatus due to forgetfulness

[Sinlessmoon]

Time for my own little sigtext page!

Common misconception- Dwarves don't like to be sacrificed to the magma sea.

I've been sigged.
Actually sigged, not thrown in some post with a thousand other quotes :3

Woops... Sorry about that Sirus.

I sigged that. I hope you don't mind, cause if you do, there ain't shit you can do about it.

I blame the hacked toast.  It removed our ability to feel like adults.  It's just another step in the the illuminati's path to complete world domination.

* Greiger makes a tinfoil hat out of grape jelly

THIS ONE KNOWS
SHUT IT DOWN

[Trapezohedron]

Making new Sigtext because my search-fu is crap I can't seem to find my previous post here.

Spoiler: 'SCANTENSIFIES! (click to show/hide)

Intense version:

Lite version:

I have noticed a lack of fanfare for the Hoenn games. Fixing it.

That picture is so going to my sig.

Spoiler: Sig proper (click to show/hide)

prepare your anii Parate vestros anos.

Tibi emendo illud.

* da_nang armat suum scutum latinum.

[Lord_lemonpie]

Seizures are the natural defense of the Lemonpie

Use ducks as a scapegoat when people object to your child murdering machines.

93% katana

THE LEMONPIE HAS ASCENDED
THE LEMONPIE HAS BECOME GORRILION FOLDS INCARNATE
ALL WILL COMMMIT SUDOKU AGAINST SUPERIOR EDGES OF LEMONPIE

Is it just me or is that rape worm shooting spunk into the Bubble?

If anybody had epilepsy, lemonpie would have already killed them.

Once again, the wonders of
NATURAL SELECTION~

Slaves to Bear: God of Bears
Chapter II: Bear Fortress

I reckon literal hell would be a pretty fun time on the right drugs.

666/10
Causes more seizures than hypnotoad in a german gay bar