Chapter 11: Bombs & Molestation
Even unconscious,
Teddy Roosevelt knows who to call upon in this situation. (4) The ground rumbles, and seemingly out of nowhere appears:
John F. Kennedy In a Tank
Class Type: Tank
+1 Charisma
+1 Tactics
+1 Tank-1 Long-distance CombatEquipment: Sherman Tank
Description: J.F.K. In a tank.
"Good evening everyone. I have come here as a request from my friend, Theodore Roosevelt." The U.S. president standing in the tank hatch motions over to the unconscious president.
"Just remember these words from my comatose friend: Speak softly, and come in a tank. As for you, General MacArthur," he points to the general in the distance,
"I'd like to introduce you to my new deal." (3 vs. 2) J.F.K. fires a missile at MacArthur, which doesn't hit him, but does blow up a group of engineers and scientists around him, tossing their corpses into the air gracefully. Except they are dead.
Sun Tzu was suprised that his summonings had actually worked.
"Holy shit, rip their heads off!" Tzu takes the oppertunity to point his Kaiyun at the sky, finding the Assault Helicopters that tormented his team and he.
"Steady...Steady..." The arrow was knocked.
"Suprise, bitches." (6 vs. 4) The arrow soars through the air, and hits the Helicopter directly in the fueltank. There is a brilliant orange explosion, as metal debris falls down to the battlefield.
The Chinese army surrounds
Sun Tzu as a protective wall. The general swings his sword wildly at the Scout Squad.
"Kill dose' modafuckas'!" The Army fires upon the Scouts with exactly 1400 Metric Asstons of ammunition. (3 vs. 2) Honestly, they could have got more accurate guns. However, one bullet hits a Scout in the neck, and he gurgles and collapses to the side.
Wurmple hatches an elaborate plan to take down each Helicopter. Too bad they've kinda' already exploded.
Cyan Garamonde stands over
Theodore Roosevelt's body.
"Do not be afraid my racist comrade. I was unconscious too one time. And kept being unconscious. And then I was dead. But you know what my friend? I got better. So here I am now, protecting you." He sits down on Teddy's torso.
"See? I protect you, you act as a couch. Mutual benefit." Cyan looked at the enemy army.
"Come on, fight me with honor!" He yelled, waving his Katana around in the air.
"AH, HOT HOT HOT!" Pinkie Pie was hot. Smoking hot. Not hot in the sense of her seducing colts by pouring fudge over her nude body. No, I'm talking about being on fire. The kind of fire that starts in your heart and ends up killing you because your fucking heart melted from a fire. However, Pinkie was one to find advantage in any situation, no matter how bad. (2 vs. 2)
"Fantastic Fire Flaming Flankwhip go!" Pinkie tackles one of the Shocktroopers to the ground and starts swatting her flaming on him. Actually, she completely misses her attack and just ends up rubbing her crotch all over his face. Seeing that this strategy isn't working, Pinkie runs off to find a way to put out her tail fire. The uninjured though mentally scarred Shocktrooper stands up. A fellow with a flamethrower asks, "Dude...did she just....with....and then...in your mouth?" The targeted Shocktrooper replies, "Look, when we get back to base,
we never talk about that ever again." He sighs and picks up his Shotgun. "Let's hurry up and kill them, I need a shower..."
The 2nd Infantry is busy shooting The Party while dodging bullets, bombs, magics and speeches. The captain turns to the nearest man, "Private Johnson! Get me an extra rifle cartridge, a frag grenade and a-, sweet Mary mother of Jesus." The company looks up to see a partially damaged commercial aircraft heading straight at them. In its cockpit, the captains only commands to the crew were,
"AWWWW YEAHHHH!" (3 vs. 4)
Rainbow Dash turned on the intercom.
"This is your captain speaking. I'd just like to inform you that you all will die, but not me because I'm a Pegasus! Peace out monkeys!" R.D. leaps out of the plane, hovering in the air to witness the plane crashing into the area next to the infantry, but not killing anyone.
"Damn." "Hey boys, shoot that terrorist, homosexual-colored bird horse!" (3 vs. 1) Dash is able to maneuver around the storm of bullets.
"Hah! You guys think-", a stray bullet hits her in the Left Wing and she goes crashing down.
Twilight Sparkle, seeping out blood and spinal fluid, manages to light up her horn.
"Come on..." (3) A bright purple glow surrounds the Party. Well, they're still wounded, but at least no one is bleeding, or on fire, anymore.
Fluttershy, being the kind soul that she is, is shocked at the damage done to her friends.
"Oh my gosh Twilight. Oh no Teddy." Taking out more herbs, she trots over to her friends, shrugging off a bullet wound that would have killed Chuck Norris.
"Here you two go." She feeds one to
Twilight Sparkle and the other to the unconscious
Teddy Roosevelt." ((The second one required a little help.)) (5) Miraculously, both of them are awakened and healed completely.
"See? All better!" Fluttershy gives them both a big three-pony hug.
Angel tries to not be useless for once and gives Shy a herb. (4) Her stomach wound is healed.
"Oh thank you Angel!" She goes to hug the
Two Mongolian Horses, but it is too late...
The 2nd Infantry continues firing at
Rainbow Dash. "Don't stop shooting until that little communist is dead!" (5 vs. 2) Dashie tries getting up, but before she does, a bullet pierces her ribcage, and another hits her in the Left Hoof. She cries out in pain, as things certainly don't look good for this Pegasus...
The Scout Squad is down to half their men. Two of them had been eaten, and one of them shot in the neck. The
Chinese Army were certainly fearsome foes. But the Scout Squad did not back down, retaliating to the enemy by firing SMG bursts into their ranks. (3 vs. 4) Except that they have terrible SMG's that couldn't even shoot air. The Communist Army raises their rifles and points them at the remaining Scouts firing squad execution style. (5 vs. 6) Each Chinese Soldier fires a shot, but so many bullets are fired at the same time, the gravitationals pull is compounded and the bullets clump together into a lead mass before flying into the sky.
The Molested Shocktrooper stares into the distance. A partner walks up and asks, "Hey man, you doin' okay?" The Shocktrooper nods. "Yeah, I just need some space..." The other Shocktroopers decide they should kill
Pinkie Pie A.S.A.P., as not to end up like they're friend here. They charge the Pink Pony, Shotguns and Flamethrowers ablazing. (3 vs. 2) Pinkie jumps as she feels a Shotgun pellet hit her Flank.
"Hey! Watch where you aim that thing!"The Bomber puts it's mark on the
Chinese Army. "Bomber #62B seeing enemy cluster. Dropping payload." (6 vs. 2) A bunch of Napalm is realeased, and various bombs hit the Army. They cry out in unison,
"AGH, WHY ARE OUR UNIFORMS SO FLAMABLE?!"Within minutes, the only remains of the entire army is ash.
One of the Sniper's gets
Wurmple in his scope. Holding his breath, he lines up to the Worm Pokemon's head and pulls the trigger. (6 vs. 1) It's a perfect shot. Wurmple's eyes widen and then it falls over, the only hope of it's survival being a miracle from one of it's teammates...
The Machine Gun Nest opens fire on
The Two Mongolian Horses & Meteor Golem, (6 vs. 1) and they take down both horses, their organic bodies of flesh and bone, even armored, offered little challenge to speeding hot lead. Enraged, the Golem charges forward. One of the soldiers manages to toss a grenade and it, and the explosion decapitates it, turning into a pile of lifeless meteor rubble.
Rambo spots
Cyan Garamonde sitting on
Theodore Roosevelt. "I'll kill you Viet Cong bastard! AGHEAHTOEWAINGEWB!" He roars and fires his Machine Gun at the Samurai. (5 vs. 6) Garamonde-san deflects the entire clip of bullets with his Katana, keeping Teddy and he completely safe! Since he has no ranged weaponry to counter, Cyan took his Tanto Knife and hurled it at Rambo, (1 vs. 2) and the blunt end hits Rambo in the Chest, doing no visible damage whatsoever.
The 2nd Infantry decends on
Rainbow Dash, eager to put a bullet in her skull. But all the sudden:
"KHANATEEEEEE!" Turning around, they witness 50
Mongolian Warriors charing at them full-stop. (3 vs. 1) The soldiers fire at the Mongols, but their puny rounds can not penetrate the expertly-crafted Mongolian Armor. The soldiers run away, but not before three of their ranks are felled from Turkish Sabers.
General MacAttack walks towards the launching site of the pad. As he gets there, he is stopped by a robed figure.
"Who the hell are you?" "Behold! I am Derm the Hellbringer, caster of death, lord of insanity, pimp of-" MacArthur shoots Derm twice in the chest with his pistol, and once in the head for good measure. He kicks the corpse off the launching pad, sending it rolling down the hill.
"Who are these people? Anyways," he turns to the Party,
"Behold, the weapon of true power, my armorie de resistance!" The launching pad opens, and a huge rocket slowly ascends from it's depths and into the open, held down by a series of wires.
"The Atom Bomb! A weapon that only true Americans could harness! This is where you meet your end you filthy Communists! In...10 Minutes. You have 10 Minutes before this explodes. So get ready to die, Mwahahaha!"5 Turns until Atomic Bomb is launched.Genearl MacArthur
Health: Fuckin' A
Mood: THE BOMBBBBBBBB.
Twilight Sparkle
Items:
Health: Fine
Rainbow Dash
Items: Katana
Health: Left Wing Shot, Ribcage Shot, Left Hoof Shot, Extreme Bleeding
Pinkie Pie
Items: Party Cannon (Broken)
Health: Crispy Tail, Shot Flank
Teddy Roosevelt
Items: Rifle, Pistol, Knife
Health: Fine
Sun Tzu
Items: Kaiyun, Ji, Battle Banner, Art of War, Lamellar Armor
Health: Bludgeoned Heavily
Fluttershy
Items:
Health: Fine
Wurmple
Items:
Health: Headshot, Unconcious, Fatal Bleeding
Cyan Garamonde
Items: Katana, Tanto Knife, Samurai Armor
Health: Fine
Infantry #2 - The Reinforcements.
Equipment: Infantry Armor, M16's
Health: 7/10 Remaining
Scout Squad - They rush in fast, and get out as quickly.
Equipment: Light U.S. Armor, SMG's
Health: 3/6 Remaining
Shocktroopers - Heavily armored, slow moving power machines.
Equipment: Heavy U.S. Armor, Shotguns, Flamethrowers
Health: 7/8 Remaining
Bomber - Rains hell.
Equipment: Napalm Bombs
Health: Hull Ripped Open
Snipers - They remain far back, spread out, picking off enemies one head at a time.
Equipment: Sniper Rifles, Camoflouge
Health: 4/4 Remaining
Machine Gun Nest - A group of heavily armed, stationary soldiers that tear anyone at close range to pieces.
Equipment: 1 Heavy Machine Gun, Rifles, Grenades
Health: 3/6 Remaining
Rambo - This dude needs a shirt.
Equipment: Mobile Machine Gun, Knife, 999% Testoserone Level
Health: RAAAWWWRRR!
Mongolian Warriors
Equipment: Turkish Sabers, Mongolian Armor
Health: 50/50 Warriors
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Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 321590 times)