Chapter 65: Knifey-Spoony
On the last episode of
Game of Pones, the Charger was smashing
The Swedish Chef into the ground, trying to weld his spine together with the pavement.
"AAAAAAAAABITCHYOUFOKKA! THIS IS TAKING TOO MUCH TIME!" The Chef pulls out a cooking knife before he can be slammed any longer, and slashes it across the Charger's arm many times in rapid succession. (3 vs. 2) The Charger roars and drops him, backing up as blood oozes from it's muscular extremity. The viking man falls to his feet and takes a fighting stance, ready for proper combat with his enemy.
"Wait a second, I have magic!" Pastamancer conjures a Spaghetti Spear out of thin air and throws it at the Hunter. (2 vs. 3) The spear sails over the Hunter's shoulder and embeds itself in a wooden telephone pole. (2 vs. 6) The Hunter screeches and launches at the magician, but at the last moment he pulls out
Cortez's Chrome and shoots the Hunter! It was a rubber bullet, but it interrupts his attack and sends him flung elsewhere.
"Hold on cyan pony comrade! I will shoot the head of the man with long tongue!" Simo Hayha pulls the bolt on his rifle and aims his sights on the Smoker. (5 vs. 1) The shot nails the Smoker between the eyes, drilling a hole straight through it's head. It exhales a giant cloud of smoke and falls over.
"He's dead like those poor Russian bastards!""Hang on Al! I'll blast that dirty varmint off yer back!" Applejack points the barrel of her Heavy Machine Gun at the Jockey riding on top of
Al Capone, not bothering to hesitate an instant. (5 vs. 4) The burst of gunfire initially misses the Jockey, but a stray strikes it along the back. It falls off of Capone, tumbling to the ground.
"Silly giant n'wah." Dagoth Ur Summons an Ash Cloud to surround him and
Dagoth Uthol. The thick fog of ash swirls around the two of them, covering their position. Ur waits, gripping the Ash Statue tightly in his hand...
Big Macintosh runs at the Charger to free
The Swedish Chef, but that issue has resolved itself now. However, the Hunter and
The Pastamancer are still engaged in a fierce battle. As the Hunter regains it's footing from being hit by a riot bullet, Mac charges at it, jumps at the air and strikes at it with a double-hoof buck technique. (1 vs. 5) He falls flat three feet in front of the Hunter. Hey, it's a hard technique to pull off. (3 vs. 2) The Hunter runs by the flopping Big Mac and slashes him across the face with his claws, only serving to give him a badass scar.
Twilight Sparkle runs away from the Zombie Horde like a filly. Except that they're dead. But she doesn't notice. Don't tell her.
Al Capone walked towards the Jockey who was thrown off of him courteously. Slipping his Brass Knuckles onto his hands he remarks,
"Ah! Ya gots my fedora! Ya wanna play rough, huh?" (2 vs. 1) He swings at the Jockey, but the agile creature dodges his attack and laughs. This happens over and over, Capone's big swinging punches being dodged by the cackling undead. Fed up, he just punts the Jockey, sending it flying back. It doesn't hurt it much, but it is satisfying.
"Yeah, not happening." Rainbow Dash flies at the Smoker, ready to take it's head off when a sniper bullet sends it back. It erupts into a cloud of smoke which Dash flies right into, coughing.
The Hunter slashes at Big Mac's face with it's remaining arm as it pounces again for the
Pastamancer. (5 vs. 1) The pasta wizard tries running, but the Hunter jumps onto his back, sending them to the ground. He pleads, but the Hunter takes it's claws and begins tearing apart his armor, ripping into his back back and tearing open his shirt.
The Charger sizes up
Swedish Chef who has taken a battle stance in front of him, knife in left hand, and spoon in the right.
"COMEONBITCHYOUEVAPLAYTHEKNIFEYSPOONYGAME? AAAGH!" (2 vs. 4) The Charger swings his fist at the human who ducks beneath it, (4 vs. 6) and stabs him in the pants.
"YAH!"The Jockey scampers about from being hit with the toe of
Al Capone's shoe, but it comes back after him. (3 vs. 1) Leaping onto him, it grasps his head, beating on it with it's tiny fists.
"Geoff' you sonna' bitch before I break ya' goddamn skull!"The Spitter lets a glob of acid out at the
Automated Mobile Turret. (3 vs. 5) The turret lives up to it's name and utilizes it's mobility to slink away from the acid blast. (5 vs. 3) The turret fires at the Spitter, blasting holes in it's legs to impede it's movement.
The Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team surrounds the
Tank. "You're under arrest for assaulting members of law enforcement!" The Tank responds to the accusation with a roar. (4 vs. 1)
"He's hostile, light him up!" The Team stuns the beast with a flashbang before pounding it with tactical firearm fire. Disorientated, the Tank tries to swipe at them but fails to connect. It runs away into a nearby cloud of ash...
Automated Mobile Turret continues shooting at the Spitter. (2 vs. 5) The Spitter retaliates with an acid attack, which dissolves the bullets of the turret. (2 vs. 4) The acid hits a nearby bench, doing no other damage.
Large Meatball Monster (5) grows into
Huge Meatball Monster!The Tank recovers gradually from the effects of the flashbang, only to find itself in
Dagoth Ur's Ash Cloud. Spinning around, it tries to find a source of life. It sees a silhouette, and charges it. (4 vs. 2+1) The silhouette belongs to Ur himself, who can't make a comment before a giant fist punches him out of the cloud and sending him flat across the street.
Dagoth Uthol attacks the Tank with fire! (4 vs. 2) The fire whips out and scours the Tank's flesh. It roars, spinning around and bringing both fists onto Uthol. (2 vs. 3) Uthol barely dodges the attack, as Ur comes back to the fray, Ash Statue in hand.
"Don't expect to beat me with one punch n'wah!" (4 vs. 3) He pounds into the fleshy back of the Tank with the statue!
Tank!Current Thoughts: "RAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR-"Health: Sustained Tactical Weaponry Fire, Scoured by Flames, Hit in the Back by a Small Statue
Hunter: An agile Infected that easily scales vertical surface and can jump great distances. It pounces onto it's prey and tears them apart with it's feral claws.
Ensnarement: When the Hunter successfully gets a hold on a target, it can only attack it's target and it's target can only attack it back. The Hunter gets a +1 to attacking it's target during the ensnarement. It only ends if the target is killed , or if the Hunter is hit by a strong attack. The Hunter can be attacked by other party members during this.
Inventory: Hoodie
Health: Left Arm Missing
Witch: An odd Infected which just walks around, sobbing. It does not have to be fought, and can be avoided.
Rage!: If the Witch is provoked by someone, it will charge them with it's giant claws. In Rage, the Witch will get +1 to offensive rolls, and can not be stopped until it is killed. It will only attack whoever provoked it, and will ignore everyone else no matter what they do.
Charger: A towering hulk of an Infected with it's upper torso split into an incredibly underdeveloped, and proportionally overdeveloped sides. It attacks by charging it's prey, grabbing them and then smashing them into the groud.
Grab N' Pound: Works the same way Ensnarement does. If the Charger is successful, it gets a bonus +2 against it's target. If it misses, it loses it's next turn.
Jockey: A small, hunchback infected that runs around cackling. It jumps on the head of it's prey, and then proceeds to smash and tear at their faces.
Ensnarement: When the Jockey successfully gets a hold on a target, it can only attack it's target and it's target can only attack it back. The Jockey gets a +1 to attacking it's target during the ensnarement. It only ends if the target is killed , or if the Jockey is hit by a strong attack. The Jockey can be attacked by other party members during this.
Health: Back Blasted, Punted
Spitter: The Spitter is the Infected version of someone who only goes to Wal-Mart at 3:15 in the morning. It attacks it's prey by spewing acid.
Acid Spit: Acid Spit melts items, and does damage over time like fire. It does extra damage to incapacitated or immobile targets.
Acid Burst: Upon death, the Spitter's stomach explodes, releasing a large puddle of acid all around it.
Health: Legs Shot Up
Rainbow Dash
Items: Dashie's Katana, Laurel Crown, L.C. Wintle's Lee Enfield, Whip, Surfboard, Sunglasses
Health: Ensnared
Twilight Sparkle
Items: The General's Oversized Machete Blade, Socially Acceptable Club Behavior (Part of the Official "How to: For Equestrians" Book Series)
Health: Fine
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt (Torn), Skiing Pants, Glass Balls, Merasmus's Bombinomicon & Staff of Wood-ness, Cortez's Chrome, Cyan Garamonde's Samurai/Light U.S. Armor, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Boss's Cell Phone, Mobile Turret Parts, "Bikini Inspector" T-Shirt, Pieces of Gurren Lagann,.
Health: Health: Back Slashed Apart
Applejack
Items: Lasso, Theodore Roosevelt's Chromes, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, Hacha Axe, Turkish Saber, Heavy Machine Gat
Health: Fine
Old Spice Stallion
Items: Towel, Old Spice (TM), Coconut, Bowie Knife
Health: Fine
Dagoth Ur
Items: Golden Mask, Loincloth, Ash Statue
Abilities: Summon Ash Cloud (3 Turns: 3 Turn Cooldown), Call Upon Minions (Once Per Battle: Available!), A Present From House Dagoth, Telepathic Power Nap, Decorative "Mickey Mouse" Ears, The Holy Bible
Health: Fine
Al Capone
Items: Tommy Gat, Revolver, Pineapple Bombs, Molotov Cocktails, Brass Knuckles, Baseball Bat, AK47, Cursed Machete, Martini Glass with Tiny Umbrella
Health: Health: Head Cut & Punched by Small Hands
Big Macintosh
Items: Pony Gauntlets, Pony Armor, Armored Greaves, Bandana, Overpriced Souvenir, Straw Hat
Abilities: Apple Family Reunion (3 Turns: 1 Turn Cooldown)
Health: Face Slashed
The Swedish Chef
Items: Knife, Viking Chestplate, Viking Helmet, Armored Boots, Spoon, Several Bowie Knives, TNT Sticks, Beer, Roland Deschain's Father's Guns, Dallas Cowboys Hat, Firebombs, Mayo (6 Jars),
Abilities: Summon Mr. Fox or Tom (Mr. Fox Available), Taking Too Much Time! (1 Turn: 1 Cooldown) Swedish FUS RO DAH (2 Turns: Ready!), Mayo Rush (Passive), Mayo Addiction (2 Turns: 1 Turns to Eat)
Health: Smashed Into Pavement
Simo Hayha
Items: Suomi 9mm SMG, Mosin Nagant Rifle, White Sniper Camouflage
Health: Fine
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team
Items: MPSK Sub-machine Gats, Tactical Shotguns, Riot Shields, Tasers, Flashbangs, Smoke Grenades, 5 Pounds of Kush Herb
Health: Health: Sustained Casualties
Automated Turret
Items: Gatling Gat, Legs
Health: Fine
Dagoth Uthol: the Ash Vampire Who Isn't Allowed On Red Mountain After That One Party And Is Instead Confined To Kogoruhn, The Place We Used To Hang Out Way Back When But Don't Anymore
Items:
Health: Fine
Huge Meatball Monster
Items: Meatball
Health: Fine
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 322305 times)