Darx is Best Boss There is No Boss
“So… who’s the boss then?”
“Well… it’s ‘sposed to be the guy dat beat up the last boss, but the Wereelk killed Darx and we all killed the elk…”
“I hit it last! Dat mean’s I’s the new boss!”
“Bullshit, ye jest kicked it as it was dyin'! I’m the new boss, I cut it’s throat!”
“No, I’m the boss! I cut its chest open!”
As several goblins descended into squabbles, the more cowardly and less ambitious of Thunderdoom’s goblins examined a much deadlier problem.
“The one’s dat got bit… dey’re gunna turn into more wereelks, just like Shofet, yeah?”
“Shit… I don’t wanna end up like Gozru and Darx did… What are we gunna do?”
“They’re already gunna be in the hospital so Nix can make ‘em better, right? So we just gotta tell ‘em all to stay there, I dunno, cuz Nix want to be extra sure or somethin’, and then we lock the doors and build a wall so dey can’t get out and kill us all.”
“Okay, so we need ta get Arstruk, Ngokang, Tode, Smuntsu, Ago, Ubsu, Zee, Strodno, and Bax in dere, yeah? Dat’s who dey said got bit.”
“Which Bax was it? The food one or the plant one?”
“’ell if I know. Just chuck ‘em both in dere.”
A month passed, with few important events.
A new warlady took her place at the head of Thunderdoom’s hierarchy, but was too concerned with her own matters to bother with the day-to-day running of a warcamp.
Every few days, a new goblin would declare themselves to be the boss, only to get the snot beat out of them by the next hopeful, starting the cycle anew.
Although his commands lost their meaning after his violent demise, Darx’s spider turret was completed, due to the goblins as a whole ruling it “cool as hell.”
And a few days before the full moon rose over the horizon, a group of scared goblins carried out a plan to save their own hides, walling those bitten inside the hospital.
There was, however, one thing they forgot to account for.
When goblins are fighting, they tend to ignore everything that’s not involved with killing more things. And being in an active training squad was close enough for Arstruck and Zee to ignore the facetious “Bonesaw’s Orders” they’d received, and the pair continued to spar in the barracks as the wall was built.
Meanwhile, in the caverns…The Giant Cave Spider could hear something moving around. It didn’t know much, being a spider and all, but it knew that it was hungry, and movement meant food.
The spider skittered along the wall toward the source of the sound, eventually locating a lone goblin deep in the caverns, her back turned, gathering up some of the monster’s own webs. The creature advanced, raising its fangs in preparation to strike-
“Fuck off, I’m workin’ here!”
On the 4th of Opal, a full moon rose over the horizon, and three new cries joined Shofet’s familiar howl, as three new bodies began to writhe as wounds stitched themselves together, antlers sprouted, and fangs sprang from the mouth of three unfortunate goblins.
In the barracks, Arstruk Ringedwiked, war captain, succumbed to the curse he had fought off once before, his armor falling off his growing body as Zee and his other squadmates watched in horror.
In the hospital, Strodno Growthvile, Engraver, tore her hospital bed from the ground as those around her felt the briefest relief that they hadn’t turned themselves, followed by abject terror when they realized that what was to come might actually be worse.
And in the western workshops, Bax Unostrodno,
Furnace Operator, began to tear apart the furnace he had just been operating, as the two goblins unlucky enough to share his name cowered in the hospital.
The wereelk formerly known as Arstuk roared, then jerked to the side as a silver bolt flew through thespot his head had been a moment before.
Utmakuzest, Trapper of Dwarves, reloaded his crossbow. “I came ‘ere to spar, but this is so much better! Thanks, cap’n!”
Galvanized, the other goblins charged forward, laughing.
Despite his skill and strength, the former war captain was outnumbered by his former squadmates, and was unable to land a single hit on the goblins. The beatdown continued until Zee the Chopper stepped forward, and with a mighty swing of her axe, sliced open Arstruk’s throat, leaving him to choke on his own blood.
Strodno finished tearing her hospital bed from its foundations, then turned to face the 6 wounded and 2 healthy goblins in the walled-off room.
Smuntsu Scorpionweatlths, one-armed war captain, stood beside Tode Abostosbub, Herbalist, both of them gripping bone daggers.
Blows and strikes were traded between both sides. Tode jabbed his dagger into Strodno’s leg even as she tore his other arm off, and Smustsu stabbed and slashed again and again, taking a bite to the leg for his trouble.
Tode soon lost conciuosness, but Ago Blackdusk, Miner, hobbled forward to take his place, whacking Strodno upside the head with his wooden crutch.
The fight soon enveloped a couple of the other dwarves in the room, as Ubsu Sinfulslave, Milker, nearly dodged a vicious bite, but had an eyelid ripped out by an errant tooth, and Ngokang Duneplague was stuck several times with a sock the monster picked up off Tode’s corpse after crushing his head between her jaws.
Ultimately, the creature fell after a punch to the head from Ago.
The goblins stepped back from the fallen wereelk, then started to tear down the walls keeping them confined.
Bax Unostrodno, who had been forgotten by the other goblins, tore at his furnace alone and unbothered for several hours, until another missed Scrod Hatemortal, war captain, came to investigate and raised the alarm.
“’ey, is that another wereelk? We missed the last one, now it’s our turn! WHHOOOO!”
Ten goblins charged into the workshop, and soon one came sprinting back out. Bax, covered in blood, and gripping a gorilla bone gauntlet, had fled the workshop after reverting back to his weaker goblin form.
Soon after him came Osta Breachmaligned, an unwounded Stoneworker, and Dang Hateclutches, a Ranger with a newly missing thumb.
Bax ran, dodging confused goblins and trying to lose his pursuers in the tavern.
Killed:
By Arstruk:
None
By Strodno:
Tode Abostosbub, Herbalist
By Bax:
Bax Amxumallu, Mason
Smunstsu Ozudsmoslu, Engraver
Song Gobzom, Wood Burner
Snang Smusmtaomosp, Fishergoblin
Osnun Ngerxungsmumu
Bit:
By Arstruk:
None
By Strodno:
Smuntsu Scorpionweatlths, War Captain (upper body)
Ago Blackdusk, Miner (Left Leg, nerves severed, teeth knocked out by sock)
Ubsu Sinfulslave, Milker (Eyelid ripped out)
By Bax:
Scrod Hatemortal, war captain (Arm ripped off)
Dang Hateclutches (Finger lost)
“Caravan’s ‘ere! Get that extra crap to the depot!”
“’ey, I think dey’re turning around!”
“What the ‘ell? Why?”
“Looks like a wagon hit Darx and blew up.”
“Dammit, Darx, ye can’t even die right!”
“Hey, they left the junk from the crashed wagon!”
“The what the ‘ell are ye waiting fer? Go git it!”
“Hey plant Bax, where ye goin with that?”
“I need… rock… bone… plant cloth… rock... bone… plant cloth…”
“Well… good luck? I guess? Guess gettin’ walled up in dere fugged up ‘is head.”
Meanwhile, in the caverns…“(WHAM) I (WHAM) TOLD (WHAM) YOU (WHAM) I’M (WHAM) BUSY!!!! (WHAM)”
“Anyone know how ta’ deal with baby rats?”
“Do I look like a mama rat to you? I got no fuggin idea.”
“Whatever. Not my problem anyway.”
"Dammit, I thought we got rid 'a that ghost."
"We did. Gotta be another one."
"WoOoOoOoO I'm spooky now!!""Ugh. I'll go get a rock. He's even more annoying dead than alive."
Another full moon was on its way. After no small amount of “persuasion,” Smuntsu, Ago, and Ubsu had been walled in together behind the hospital. Dang’s injury was so small that no one noticed it, and Scrod’s injury had somehow been forgotten about when the time came to seal them in.
All three were very hungry, standing in opposite corners of the small room, weapons drawn and eyeing each other’s wounds.
“I killed the last one, I can do it again.”
“Yeah, only cuz I weakened ‘er first.”
“Then why didn’t ye finish the job?”
“I was gunna, then you got in the way!”
The goblins’ nervous banter was interrupted as the Full Moon rose once again. And once again, a wereelk’s howl could be heard—but it was only the familiar howl of the long-sealed Shofet.
The sealed goblins gave each other a last nervous glance before rushing to the wall to tear it down.
The day’s third “boss” slammed against the tavern’s wall, raising his hands to his challenger.
“Okay, okay! You da boss, you da boss!”
Across the tavern, a pair of goblins watched the fight.
“Dis sucks.”
“Yeah, she’s been ‘boss’ three times did week. She’ll be out before tomorrah.”
“I’m bored of changin’ bosses alla time. Someone’s gotta do somethin’ big, make it stick.”
It was at about this time that Strabb Idlepoison, Weaver, walked past the tavern, carrying a dead Giant Cave Spider and a caged Jabberer.
“That’ll do it.”
The pair approached the triumphant goblin.
“Sorry, but Strabb just took over.”
“Yeah? Sez who?”
“Sez the angry Jabberer she’s carrying.”
The boss met the giant bird’s murderous glare.
“… Fine, she’s the boss.”
The two goblins walked away, satisfied.
“Dat’s settled.”
“Mebbe now somethin’ll happen other den fights over who’s boss.”
“…we sould probably tell Strabb.”
I kinda lost motivation at a couple parts so it might drag at bits, sorry
I appreciate your suggestions, but I’d played this and the last update and this one all at once and spit the write-ups so I wasn’t keeping ya’ll waiting.
Here’s Strabb’s profile-
The Jabberer isn’t showing up on the list of animals, so I can’t order it trained or butchered. Any idea why?
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Topic: Thunderdoom - A Succession Goblin Camp [42.05] (Read 45837 times)