Well. This appears to be a minimalist RTD. I have previously sworn that I will
NEVER run a minimalist RTD, so that means my oath is broken! To restore my honor, I must vanquish any Bay12'er who ventures into this thread! Have at thee, villains!
GM TURN:Avis deploys his PSEUDOSCIENCE BULLSHIT meter!Five seven replies! I can't wait to destroy you, you pathetic bunch of alcoholic midgets!
Deploy forum spambots to annoy and dishevel the GM.
[4] I am annoyed! And disheveled! But I was annoyed before, so disheveled is the only thing that is added! The disheveler drones expire! Sucks to be you! Roll a five next time!
Avis grows a DISHEVELATION meter!
Create metal rod, name it the "GMstick". Beat GM with the GM stick whenever he defies me.
[3] You create an aluminum spork, and name it the GMspork. You try to beat me with it constantly, but your attacks are repelled by my PSEUDOSCIENCE BULLSHIT meter. Midget. (-1 PSB)
Unleash the Dermpocalypse and derail the plot by three or above Hendersons. (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Henderson_Scale_of_Plot_Derailment)
[6] You become Old Man Henderson himself! According to a little-known correlation law, I am now Cthulhu! Oh-ho-ho! Frisky flagella time!
Avis sprouts an ELDRITCHITUDE meter!
>Post shock images in an attempt to get the thread locked, or at least 504 the forums for a while.
[4]You post Goatse! It is abominable! I get an admin warning, but luckily, it is dispelled by my Fermion Unification Coherence Klein-bottle before it can pierce my artistic sensitivity! The PSEUDOSCIENCE BULLSHIT meter goes down. (-2 PSB)
Unleash the Dermpocalypse and derail the plot by three or above Hendersons. (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Henderson_Scale_of_Plot_Derailment)
Perform a true Henderson by protecting the GM no matter how many times he attempts to kill me.
[6] There's no plot, you silly old fool! Except there is now, because of your meddling. On the other hand, your efforts to protect me have made you look knightly. You gain a KNIGHTLINESS point to do with as you will!
A wild PLOT GAUGE appears!
Create gun. Call gun "GM reward". The GM is "rewarded with a shot from my gun every time I feel like it.
[4] You create a musket! It is muzzle-loaded, just like yo momma! A well-known fact: musket bullets cannot pierce my Super-Hadronated Irwing Template! (-1 PSB)
Hug GM
[4] W-what? Why'd you... Imean, sh've off, dummy. It's not like I like you or anything! St-stop hugging me, dangit!
Avis is burdened with a DERE-DERE meter!
GM TURN:
Avis attempts to molest Derm with his FRISKY FLAGELLA! [1] Fuuuuuuuuuuu... They are shotgunned, doused with gasoline, set on fire, and thrown into jail. This is just bullshit. (-1 ELD)
PSEUDOSCIENCE BULLSHIT METER: |=====____|
DISHEVELATION METER: |=________|
ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |========_|
DERE-DERE METER: |=________|
PLOT GAUGE:|=________|
Not even past the first turn and we already have turned the GM into a tsundere-Cthulu monster that is being increasingly pissed off by pseudoscience and forum attacks. Great.
SEND IN THE THREAD-FLAMING TROLLS TO DISHEVEL THE GM EVEN MORE.
[3] The trolls are weak as piss! They wouldn't be able to dishevel a coat hanger! However that is done! (+1 DIS)
"but I don't understand, why do you want to fight us? Don't you like us anymore?"
Ask, accompanied by a wide-eyed stare and facefull of confusion.
[1] I see right through your bullshit attempt to appear adorable. I hate you. Why with the "anymore" thing? I ALWAYS hated you! Remember when I told you otherwise? Well, guess what, I LIED!!
The emotional impact of being so betrayed gives you a heart attack, and you fall over, dead. Screw you, go respawn or something, I don't give a shit.. Hah. One down, you feeble skunks.
Appear in my pirate ship and fire a boardside at the GM
[1] A boardside? I believe "broadside" is the word you mean. The root is "broad".
I wiggle my eyebrows at you and do a few pelvic thrusts.
The implied YO MOMMA INSULT strikes you in the throat! A major artery has been torn! scapheap has bled to death. Respawn?
MUCKLE DAMRED GUM 'AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN!?!?
[2] I don't understand you, you dang drunken Scotsman. Go get high or something, I cannot summon shoggoths. And won't. Shoggoths suck.
Carry on hugging GM
[1] Unfortunately for you, hugging Cthulhu tends to have negative effects on your sanity. You claw your eyes out, and run away, gibbering something about being awake. After that, you scrawl insanity-inducing sigils on the ground in your blood, then rip out your own jugular and die. Brilliant. I am delighted by your behaviour.
Respawn?
GM TURN:
Avis attempts to extract his flagella from jail, dragging angry prisoners with him! [6] He drags out Bubba, your personal nightmare! Bubba leers at Old Man Dermenson disconcertingly! His lard masses quiver! Dermenson feels threatened! What ho!
PSEUDOSCIENCE BULLSHIT METER: |=====____|
DISHEVELATION METER: |==_______|
ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |========_|
DERE-DERE METER: |=________|
PLOT GAUGE:|=________|
Have the 3rd Reddit Regiment post pseudoscientific crap to mess with the GM.
Have the 3rd Reddit Regiment post pseudoscientific crap to mess with the GM.
[6] You truly are the dummiest. Didn't you see that the PSEUDOSCIENCE BULLSHIT METER actually protects me from attacks? Thou have doomed thyself, fool! (+112 PSB)
Oh wait... NO! The Capacitor Unit Neutron Thingy's cores are overloaded! The PSB drive is running hot! ARRRGH..!
Avis has lost the PSEUDOSCIENCE BULLSHIT METER! Avis has gained the OVERDRIVE METER!
Summon reincarnated Hastur-Girlfriend(Yes that happened.)
[4]She is summoned! She will protect your bodacious bod from Bubba this turn! Bubba is furious!
Be the knight.
[-1 KNG] You are the Knight! You gain [+1] to knightly actions, as every knight should! A distant trumpet sounds! You are bestowed with a favor! (+1DER)
Hack the gms facebook account and post embarassing things.
[3]I have no Facebook account, puny fool! Therefore, you cannot hack it! Ha! Ha! Your plan is foiled! Do you feel clever now?
Respawn. Carry on hugging GM
[4] You respawn normally! [6] Agh. Stop it. No seriously, STAHP! You're making me uncomfortable. If you continue, my flagella will run out of control! (+2 DER)
TopHat is mildly molested by the GM's flagella!
Am dead, killed by the GM's betrayal, despite my lack of ill will. Lying there cold, motionless, gone. I never tried to attack, never wanted to attack, just stood there and asked: "Why?" As the GM struck me down. And now I'm gone. You'll never know what else I was going to do, to say, to be. How I intended to play, what I wanted to become, my hopes and dreams and fears, gone.
all gone, by your hand.
forever.
[6] No. I never meant all these things I said! Come back. Please, come back! I... I'm sorry! I NEVER INTENDED IT TO HAPPEN! But I will fix it. You'll see. Within this thread, I'm all-powerful. What went wrong can be set right once more. (+2 DER)
[6] Lenglon is resurrected as a PARAGON OF REMORSE! Her HOLINESS METER doubles in size! What, you didn't know you had one?
>Summon GreatWyrmGold to throw the thread into an abyss of OOC chatter.
[1]GWG is summoned... IN YOUR HEAD! Your thoughts are derailed into logic! Your head freezes to 15 microkelvins and bursts into fragments! This kills you! Rot in heck, sucka!
Summon Swedish Steve to Skew the Sides So sycophancy Shall be Supreme and Su-
Actually, sod that. Fire the deeldritchometer at GM/b]
[3]You miss! It is pathetic! The DEELDRITCH whizzes past me and disappears in the void of space! I don't know what a DEELDRITCH is! This confuses me!
recreate GM stick. Use it to derail by a megaton FIVE HENDERSONS!
[1]You attempt to recreate the stick, but Bubba believes that you are making a shiv and strangles you while you work! He also steals your spork!
Bubba has gained the GM spork!
kidnap GM toaster and beat it on national tv
[4]You kidnap my toaster! I didn't know I had one! You manage to convince a local news outlet to take an interview, and then beat the toaster on live TV! I am mildly irritated! (+1 DIS)
GM TURN:
Avis thinks angry thoughts to try and lower his DERE-DERE meter! [1] His thoughts drift constantly to the fact that you are kinda cute! (+1 DER)
BUBBA TURN:
Bubba leers at the HASTUR-GIRLFRIEND! [4] She sustains mild mental damage! Her ABOMINITUDE METER protects her from mental attacks!
OVERDRIVE METER: |=________|
DISHEVELATION METER: |==_______|
ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |========_|
DERE-DERE METER: |=======__|
PLOT GAUGE:|=________|
Summon forth some old men to excite GM's dere-dere meter.
[3] Old men? Why do you even...It doesn't compute. Are old men even adorable? What...What're you smoking, DAF?
>Resurrect myself to have a BIG NNOOOOOOOOOOO moment, shaking my fist dramatically at GreatWyrm.
Then stab the GM with a lightsaber, I guess.
[6] The big NOOOOOOOOOOO is so resonantly poignant that I am disheveled by its force! (+2 DIS)
[3] You cannot get your stab on due to insufficient midichlorians! You are too old for Jedi training! Sucks to be you!
Hug GM. Even if I die, even if I fail my rolls, hug him. Too moe, must hug.
[4] I...I guess I'll just have to resign myself to being hugged by idiots. What the heck. (+1 DER)
Defend the GM in a knighly manner after getting the Sword of 'On the Rails', a weapon that causes its wielder to only be harmed by the Mace of 'Derails,, and vice versa.
[3] You have no sword! A true warrior needs no sword! However, your mere presence fills the PLOT GAUGE a bit! (+1 PLT)
Look around, lost, confused, with no memory of what the GM said that gave me a heart attack. "What... What happened? Why... Why are people attacking you Avis? Why is there all this fighting?"
[1] Why, because they suck, of course. I hate'em. And I just resurrected you after killing you dead, and I won't hesitate to kill you dead again!
Lenglon is murdered by the GM's flagella! However, she is resurrected by her HOLINESS METER! It drops by half! The GM loses an ELDRITCHITUDE point! (-1 ELD)
Summon Yog-Sothoth.
[3] You faaaail, sucka! Yog-Sothoth isn't interested in the puny mewlings of a midget like you! Try Hastur, she's less picky, I hear!
Make everyone's meters visible in spoliers underneath the GM's one
Bribe him to influence my roll by pointing out this will let us see how mewling and pathetic we are
[2] Your attempt at bribery fails miserably!
[5] However, this is what I was planning to do anyway. The PLAYER METERS tab has been added!
Summon exploding ice rink. Preform COMBOTECH - SKATESTRUCTION
[6] It is summoned and detonated! However, I am not afflicted by summoning sickness, so the only thing I lose is a shitload of ELDRITCHITUDE points! (-3 ELD) You, however, have danced your last dance! Is Henderson your last name, or your first?
Derm is reincarnated as ELI BURNING!
Summon WH40K GREH KNIRGHTS to destroy Avin's Eldritch Abmonomination!
[5] They drop in from orbit like a bunch of special snowflakes, that bitch-ass Wardpet Kaldor Draigo at their lead! They deploy some bitchity-butt unfair PSYKER NERF FIELD! Ass! I can feel my ELDRITCHITUDE METER shrivelling! (-2 ELD)
FIGHT With Gray Knights using the holy power Of OLDSCHOOL and the Sacred 4th Edition of Codex. Seriously.
((You touched a long-dreaming WH40k-fag in me. Now he is awake and spitting his filthy saliva all around as he reads this.))
[6] THE BLACK TEMPLARS HAVE COME! NO PITY! NO REMORSE! NO FEAR! THEY ARE LED BY GRIMALDUS, THE HERO OF HELSREACH, ALONG WITH HIS POSSE OF SERVITORS! KALDOR DRAIGO SUFFERS FROM TERRIBLE DEFEAT! DON'T ASK ME WHY TWO LOYALIST CHAPTERS ARE FIGHTING! ALSO DON'T ASK ME WHY AM I SHOUTING! (-1 ELD)
GM TURN:
NOOOO I HATE YOU! I MUST ABSOLUTELY NOT SUFFER A DERE BREAK! [5] Whoa. That was close, but now I'm reminded I hate you even more. (-2 DER)
BUBBA TURN:
Bubba sporks the HASTUR-GIRLFRIEND! He trips on his own lard, falls, and jams his spork into his brain! Bubba has been slain!
OVERDRIVE METER: |=________|
DISHEVELATION METER: |===______|
ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |==_______|
DERE-DERE METER: |======___|
PLOT GAUGE:|==_______|
Lenglon: HOLINESS |======______|
Because I think it is MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT to me than deal with such a miserable midget like him. Ha-ha. Eat that, Ego of Avis.
SUMMON THE MIGHTY BOWEN STILLSON DOGG TO ATTACK GM.
[6] Fool...You have doomed us all! (+1 DIS +1 ELD)
(http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090123050924/mspaintadventures/images/f/fc/BowenStilsonDogg.PNG)
((Are we trying to drain your meters, or fill them?))
SUMMON ANGRY MARINES TO FUCK UP THOSE BITCHASS BLACK TEMPLARS
MWAHAHA. By the name of Emperor of Mankind and Primarch Rogal Dorn, fight inglourious basterdous chapter of Angry marines!
Because I think it is MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT to me than deal with such a miserable midget like him. Ha-ha. Eat that, Ego of Avis.
[4 vs 4] The two chapters are locked in an epic battle. Profanity mixes with the war cries of the Black Templars as chainsword meets power-axe and brother slays brother upon this field of woe. IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR, STOP THIS MADNESS!
Summon Chaugnar Faugn.
[1] THE HORROR FROM THE HILLS IS SUMMONED! Problem is, he is summoned on top of your head. He drains you of blood and buggers off. You're dead, sucka. How's that?
Take GM out to dinner.
[6] While we're having dinner, the restaurant is attacked by terrorists! What follows is a classic movie plot with kidnappings and shit, in the process of which, we discover the value of life and the true meaning of love! There's a sunset kiss scene! What ho!
Avis has suffered a DERE BREAK! Avis is now a Magical Girl Cthulhu Monster! Wait, wasn't there an anime about this kind of shit?
TENDERLY CARESS GM WITH NUMEROUS APPENDAGES WHILE SOFTLY WHISPERING THE ENTIRETY OF YOU AT FINAL BOSS
[4] Ow ow ow stop this is taking way too long. I mean, why would you even do that? Which meter are you attempting to fill or deplete? Okay, okay, let's say it's the DISHEVELATION meter, just stop. (+1 DIS)
Gain a status bar which adds up all the points in all the status bars, then divides them by the number of opossums in an average sack of monkeys.
[5]All right.
Dorsidwarf has gained the UNDEFINED bar! Its purpose is NOT CLEARLY STATED!
Hug GM again.
[2] Shove the fuck off, TopHat, this is getting old. Do it again, and I'm killing ya!
"Owowowowowowow! Th-That hurt! Avis, please stop! Please! This... This doesn't make any sense! There's no need for us to fight each other. Nobody's even going to gain anything from winning! All that's going to happen is people are going to get hurt. I don't want that! Please, please stop. Please?"
Pleed
[4] The plea strikes Avis in the heart, bruising the skin! All right. I declare a temporary armistice until the vile BOWEN STILTSON DOGG is banished from this thread. After that, it's every lifeform for itself!
Summon Godmodder from this: http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic/1592994-destroy-the-godmodder/
[3] The Godmodder deploys his Anti-Summon Shieldtm, and resists being summoned! Leave him where he is, he's a pathetic little bitch!
Note to self: Dere-dere meter is not excited by old men. Must keep testing. For science. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI)
Summon more trolls to post threads about how the GM runs terrible games and should be banned from the forums.
((Roleplaying, obviously, not true in the slightest))
[3] The trolls are lame! Those are the same weak as piss trolls you tried to summon before! They seem to have taken a liking to you! They are occupying your TROLL EQUIPMENT SLOT, so you can't summon any other trolls while they're there!
Arrive in a blaze of glory.
[2] You arrive in a blaze of...well, fire. You are now on fire! Stop, drop and roll! Or burn to death, like I even care!
Destroy the GM's dice, than create a clone of the GM who defends me from the GM's wrath by predicting his other selfs every move.
If the GM is playing god, sic the same god on himself. Dur.
[3] My MAGICAL LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER protects me from this fuckery! How nice of it!
Call upon the unholy internets. Rain of cats in invisible helicopters!
[5] THE INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD IS NOW ON THE FIELD! I am slightly disheveled by the cats! That sucks epic ass! (+2 DIS)
Fire the Dawwwww (http://www.deviantart.com/art/Blackjack-Likes-Whiskey-344053576) cannon
[3] The LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER meter twitches, but does not move! Maybe it's stuck?
GM TURN: Avis summons the White Scars chapter to stop this heretical bullshit going on between the Angry Marines and the Black Templars! [6] THE PRIMARCH JAGHATAI KHAN HAS ARRIVED FROM THE WARP, RIDING A PIMPED-OUT DARK ELDAR BIKE! Both the Black Templars and The Angry Marines are obliterated by the power of his MONGOL STACHE!
OVERDRIVE METER: |=________|
DISHEVELATION METER: |========_|
ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |===______|
LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER METER: |==_______|
PLOT GAUGE:|==_______|
Lenglon: HOLINESS |======______|
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |=========|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |=========|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|============|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [PISS-WEAK TROLLS]
Transform into Demonhead Mobster Kingpin to combat GM and the Bowen Stillson Dogg.
[6] You are now DMK! Your CHASTITY LOCKS are on and shit! Here's a picture of you! (http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111121044944/mspaintadventures/images/c/c6/DHMK1.png)
"So we... we're friends again? Oh Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
Yayfriends!
Well, yes, yay. I'm not even going to roll for that. Oh wait, I already did and nothing really happened. [4] What now?
get a surgery kit and grab Derm "this will hurt alot but the results will be worth it." Use !!MEDICENE!! on him
[6] Due to your meddling, Derm is now perpetually on fire! He's now ELI LITERALLY BURNING! That is hilarious and terrifying! What are you going to do now?
Proceed to give GM much attention and love and being there and they need it.
[6] How do you keep rolling sixes? This is getting embarrassing. So, we're basically the most romantic thing this side of I don't know what, my experience of romantic things is not what you'd call generic. The LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER METER skyrockets! (+3 LFP)
((Damn that pussy ass white scar...))
SUMMON A METER GAUGING THE INEPTITUDE OF FELLOW PLAYERS TO SLAY GM
Also, Pimpslap BOWEN STILLSON DOGG with my magical ancient Egyptian Pimp cane!
[2] Dude, if I decided to implement a meter for gauging your ineptitude, it'd look something like this:
|============================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================|
[5] The BOWEN STILSON DOGG is successfully bitchslapped and shattered into teeny weeny pieces! Hurrah to you and your PIMP CANE, sir! I'll even take a few bars out of that NONEXISTENT INEPTITUDE METER for you! Here.
|=========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================___|
((For some reason I read the title as "Edward Snowden's dog and the GM..."
I need to lay off the internet for a while.))
Send forth my trolls to report the GM to the NSA for contacting Edward Snowden and his dog.
[3]Edward Snowden has no DOGG! The NSA doesn't believe your lying face! Ha! Ha! Call back later, midget!
GLUE EDWARD SNOWDEN'S DOG TO GM'S HEAD
[5] Turns out I lied to DAF before, Edward Snowden does have a DOGG.
Avis acquires the SNOWDEN DOGG HAT! It is eldritch and dishevelled! (+1 ELD +1 DIS)
AVIS HAS SUFFERED A DISHEVELLATION BREAK! Avis is now a HOBO CTHULHU MAGICAL GIRL! YOU BET YOUR ASS THERE'S NO ANIME ABOUT SHIT LIKE THIS!
Respawn. Create a reality-warping programming language.
[6] F̴̢̟̼̱̥̫̰̊ͧ̉ͩ̃ͦͦ̇̊̓̋ͥ͒ǫ̷̩̝̬͔̳͇̤̲̙̪̤̝̈́̀̄́ͨ͌̏̈́o̎ͧ͆̐͘̕͟҉̡͇͖̜̣͎͓̤̳̬̙̟ͅͅl̗͚͖̮̫̮͙̝͑̆͌̾̾͛ͧ̽͛̀̋̃͐ͭ͒͠,̧͈̺͈̫͔͍̭̀ͨ̋ͪ͊̆̉͗ͣ̑̃̈̂ͤ͋̉́ ̊̎̐̔ͨ̇́ͥ͐̐͗͒̾͋̚҉̵̵̣̲̟̹͇̖͉̜̥̹̹̼̰̱̯̕ͅw͙͕̻̘͙̹̯͈͓̝̣̮̌͗̓ͥ̿̐ͩ̾̔ͩͨͣ̈́ͮ̐ͨͧ̋͡͡hͦ̓̒̒ͥ͂̓͆́ͯ͊҉͏̯̙͇̺å̟̞̣̤͗ͣͮ́́͟͝t̶̠̮̤͎̥͔̻͈̂̑̉ͤͮ͘͘͢ ̫͔̮̺͉͎̺̩͍̲ͧ͌̄̌̚͠͠h̢̢̦̟͍̭̣̜̽ͣ͆ͨ͌̐ͯͫ̄̃̾̓ͮ̊ă̧̢̋̏͋̔͐ͥ̊́̓̎̾͊ͩ̈́̉̅͡͏̝̰̣̦͙̰̘̹̦̱ͅv̵̢̡̡̡̫͚͔̝͓̖̥̹̪̞̱̤̜̝̉̾̃̏͌͋̏ͨ́̒̃ͩ̈́ͩͫ̎ȅ̶̢̲̫̼̥̯̘̱͇̂̓̈́̏ͩͭͪ̽̌͐̉͛̋ͫ̃͑͢ ̡̧̛͉̲̖̟ͣ̽̒̌͋ͪ̒̈̏ͯͧ̚ͅy̜̗̖̻͚͎̬͔̩̱̹͕̖̯̬̗̮̽ͩ̔̔̓̋̋̓ͭͮ̃̒͛̊͢͞ǫ̷ͧ̃̉̈́̎͐̒̍̌ͨͤ̈́̚͘͏̫̪̠̻̻ṳ̧͔͉̣̯̣̝̻̳̟̻̭̗͑̌͗̌̆̀ ̵̮̪̪̣̜̮̼͈̤̰͍̟͆ͫͮ͆̌ͯ͊ͮ̋̎ͤͬ͆́̽̅͂̆́̚d̵̤̟͓̙̱͍̅̃̌̿̀̍͆̈̒̒̈́ͨ͌̈́ͥ̕͟͢ǫ̢̧̥͎̬̼̠͇̞̒̂ͣ̔ͭ͌̆̉́̀̀̚nͬ̽̀̍̓̅̍̾̇͑̀̚͏̴̪̪͚͈͍̱̪̥̯̠̭͚̳̺͍ͅͅe̢̡͍̫̳̠̩͓͎̙̪̫͚͚͇̖̲͖̎ͤ̏́̅̎ͫ̌͑͋̅͊̇ͪͧ̒̀̀̚.̖̩͕̘̱͚͔̦̭̺̘͉͙̪̝̼̲͍̉̇͊̔̅̐ͦ̆͌ͤͦ̔͛ͫͭ͂͋́́̕.̗̦̫̙̠̙̤̹̥͔̼̼̘͕̥̐̈́̑̄ͦ͐ͪ̀́̕͡ͅ!̵̪̘̩̰͔̭̘̤̮̮͑͑ͤͥ̂͐͊̐͑̒ͭ͂̋͑̋̕͝ (+3 ELD)
Deploy Tactical Narwhal.
[3] T̶̸̢̢̡̳̗̹͇͚͈̘̭̲͚̻̩ͦͩͬ̔͊ͥ̑̑͐h̑̈́͊ͦͫ̆̓̿ͪ͗̆̾ͥ̓̉͠͏̵͚͇̻̘̘̩̻̻̫͙̘̖͖̀͢ͅĕ̱̮̪̺͕̗̠̻͓̯̱̘̂ͯͮͧ́ͩ̚͢͞͡ ̛̫͓̥͉̱̰͙̳͍̤͓̻̥̘ͣͦͣ̋̇ͭ̊̍͊ͨ́͘͜ͅͅŅ̜͈͉̙̱̪̝̀̋̐ͩͫ͂̐ͦ̑̎̃͆̌̏̚͘͜͢͢Aͧ̈́̉̌̒҉̷͏͍͙͇̻̦̭̫͍̭͎̳̝͕̳͖̩̗ͅR̴ͮ̐͊ͨ͌̏ͥ̐ͤͪ̌͟͞͏͏̱̻͇W̷̶̯̠̰͌ͤ̈̌͘̕H̶̵̷̠̭̻͖͔̥͑̀́͗́ͅÂ̰͓̩̞͍͙̩̙̗̏ͯͩ̎̐̓͌͑̕͜͡ͅL̛ͮͭ͑ͩ͗͂̇̿̋̒ͩ̀͟͡͏̺̘̥̜̳̝̜ ͆̾͌̈͐ͫͬͤ҉̭̹̗̫̭̘̼̞͖͎̲͎͞ͅi̵͚̤͉͖͔̙̬̩͇̜̩̜̫̘̥̣͓̟̿ͬ̉ͮ͌͐ͯ͌ͪ̐͐̑̐̕͟͟͠s͍̺͕̜͖̮͕͍ͥ͆ͬ͗̓̽̔̒͂ͦͦͫ̀̀͘ ̷̯̫̻̤̘̬͕̱͕̥̰̥͔̙͚ͬͫ̓̈́̽̊ͧ̄̊̃ͭ͞ͅs̴̽̀̎̄ͭ̃ͩ̌͢҉̨͎̜̪͙̬̟t̸̨̘̟͇̙̞̝̣̜͕̞̘͎̤̯̎͐͛͡͡u̶̼̩͎̜͚͚͉̤̝̣͓̜͉͉̼ͧͤͪ́̽c̎͋̌ͬͩ̃ͬͫͪ͆҉͈̳͕̼̫̻̣͈̺̱k̵͛̍ͨ̃ͫͪ͊ͭ̉͑ͩ̾ͣ̎͢҉̥̙͔͓̻̪̠̭̫ͅ ̧ͩ̓̒͗͆ͫ͒͌͑͌ͭ͗̌ͩͨ̚̚͏̧̨͈̠͈̪̯̺̗̰͖̖̥͜ͅį̱̗̖͎͉̥̱̫͚̝̝͇͎̺͇̩͇̎̆̆̋́̍̎̍͜ņ̴͙͔͙̜͉̗́ͫ̋́͘͟͝ ̴͇̗̮̩͎̫̦͇̠̘̬̘̻̙̣͈̱̰̄́̇́̚͟ͅt̵͖̘̤̬̲͕̠͔̝͕͙͖͕̹͉͋͑̃ͨ̃͆̾͆̎ͧ̊ͣ̈́̂̀̚h̡̨̺̹̭̉̎͂̐͆͠͠ͅe̵̙̲͕̩̫͔̬̮͇͒͗ͮ̐ͫ͊̾̾̓͐͊̋̓́̓̎͐̚͠ ̡̛̜͍̖̗̲̣͔̪̜̹̖̭̹͖̩̦̀̋͐̓̉̓ͦ̒̽͑͌͑͒̓̐͌̀͘͟N̄̄ͥ͐̒̅ͧ̀̓̏ͬ̀̚҉͉̙̣̙̮̦̖A͎͇̫̹̗̠̿̀̈̐̏̋ͧͧ͛͒͒͗ͧͧͥ̌̎͢͞͝R̳̫͚̙̻̤̞̼͚ͨ̒ͣ̊͑ͫ̋̆̑̏̈́ͩ͘͟ͅW̥̝̗̝̱͓̝̭̲̗͖͔̟̯̄͒̆̽͠ͅH̛̭̰̭̤̟̦̩͇͍ͣ̑̏͑͆̉̏̀ͬͮ͑̓̀̅͘ͅA̶̤̭̼̣̻͎̺̜͖̝̖̋͋̐̈̆̾̇͌͛ͣ̈́͐̈́̀̀͜Lͨ́̆̓̒̚҉̵̷̧͏͓͓̱͔̝̺̞̖̳̲̣̯̯ ̨̩͎̘̯̙̲̥̞̽͗́̎̊ͤͩͭ̃̋̔͛͊ͨ͐̌̑͜Lͫ̅ͦ̄̃̈́͂̓͌̏ͭ̄͂̏̐͋ͣ͏̵͝͏̬̦͓̭̰̻̝͎̗̲͓̲̪̮ͅA̡̼̖̲͚̩̮͙̙̞̱ͧͬ̃̒̕͞͠U͒͊͛́ͮ͂͛ͬ͢҉̡̦̩̰̠̻͇̗̩̪̘͎̫͙̫N̡̨͙̗͇͒̽͑ͩ̍͘͝C̶̭͔̙̩̪͈̩̜̖̹̟̿̓͐̎̈́ͥ͡͞ͅH͌ͪ͆ͯ̒̑̄͌ͫͣ͐ͦ͏̧̝͖͍͇͍͈͜͞E̢̲̞͔͉̖̻̥̣̓̊̄̊͐̆͋͂̒̆̏̓͗̕͞R̫̳͎͙̩͇̩̞̬͔̳̃̃̃̽̇ͦ̌̂͆̏̃ͨͯ̄ͦ̍̌͜͝ͅ!̶͈̭͍͉̦̳̻̰̟̬̮̰̩͇̻͓͚̠̬ͥͧ̾̈͊̐̑͆ͣ͒̉͢ ̵̧̣̳̭̰͔͇̃͐ͣͫ͌͜ ̧ͣͦ̎̿ͣ̋̄͒ͬ̓̾ͧͮͫͣͧ͆̆҉̧̢͙̘̱͕̜͚̫̳
GM TURN: A̬̦͖͎̹͉͔̘̭ͤ̒́ͪ̉ͮ͒ͧ̒ͭ̓̽̀͜͝ͅv̓͋ͣ̑ͬ͒̋́͂̇̉͑̒ͩͯ̓͂̔ͭ̀͜͞͏͇̩͓̻̝͕̖̼͈̤̼̘̕i̶̹̮͓̩̼̹͇͍̰̫̠̜̦̟͙͍ͭͣͬͯͥͯ̋̂̀͂ͧ̋ͪ̎̊͗͋͝s͔͈̪͓̹͎̮͓̲̠̣͖̲̙̞͙ͦ̓ͯ̈ͬͬ͗̾̓̓ͥ̎͐͟͞ ̨̺̬͕̭͈̐̂̆͗͠g̷̖̮͓̩̪̮̣̙̱͔̝̏̀ͬ̒̌͑̂̊ͮ͛ͩ͛̾̒̋ͯ͘̕͟͞ĩ̉̋̽̈͝͏̨̻͍̙̭̝̥͇̞̲̠̗̗͔͓b̲̤̫͚͚͆́̀̌̅̋ͯ̐̾͊͛͗̚͘̕͡͞b̸̙͙̲̳ͧͫ̔̏̎̔ͪ̓ͮ̄̍ͩͣͣ̂͋̀͢͡͝ę̘̮̺̭̖̱͍̽̈́ͦ̿̄̑ͩͪ͌͊̃͋̔ͤ͂ͮ̆ͨ̚̕͞͠r̡̧̛̛̤͈̳̣͕̬͔̩̯͚̙̲̖̪̖͍ͦ̎ͬ͂ͩ͑͑̍̅̉ͧ́ͪs̀̈͆́́͏͉̦͔̥̥̰͎̪̬͙̘ ̡͚̳͓̙̥͙̮͍̼͍͛̌̈́ͣ̊ͣ̏͑͌͢͟l͈̩̞̩͙͉͎̆̈͒̎̉̂̍̽͊̉̚͘͘͟iͩ̐͌̃ͫ̈́̍͊̉̒́̓͗̓ͩͭ̃̑̚͜͏̛̪̩̺͔̟̜͟k̳͎̥̤̲̰͇͙̻ͮ͗ͮ͒ͫ͝͡ͅe̢̛̘̣̗͎͇̬͙̙̣͆̀̂̈́ͥ͗̃͗̈́̚͞͞ ̸̸̤̭̣̑̿͗̓ͯ̀́̀͌ͯ̾̀ͅa͚̟̗͚̝̞̯̟͇̠̿̽̔ͫ͑̋͋̄̇̋ͭ̌ͫͫ͒̀̚̕̕͘͝ͅͅ ̶̲̭̪̪̲̩̘̳͔͆̿̔ͭ́̒̎͗ͮ̂́ͬ̾̒ͦͭ̂͘͜͡ͅm̲͍̣̣̓̂ͭ̈́͜͝ḁ̧̺̞̞̥̻̤̬̬̓̍̍ͤ͊̄̔ͤ̉̓͑ͧͥ̔͑͘͞n̸̸̞̪̣̾ͭ͑̈ͮ͗͋̅̈́ͭͤ̀ĩ́̍̽ͧͩ̏͑͒̋̃̄̎̀̓̀҉̜͖̫̘̱̫͍̗̱͜͢͠͝ḁ̷̡̦͍͉̗ͩͬ̆̋ͣ̀͘͘c̷̭͍̳̹͉̞̣̹͎͆̅͑͑̑́͡͠ͅͅ!̷̷̢̤͚̫ͦ̓̈́̂͐̃̑͐͆̽̕ͅͅͅ ̸̨̛͙̩̤̼̳̹̠͗̎̈́͒ͫͪ̃̀͑ͨͪ͋̾̀ͅ[̟̙͓̖̹̘̮̌̓͌̓̅̄ͥ̏͂͛̚̚͘5̵̛̭͍̝͎̠̮̠͔͙̦̤̣͔̗̖͇͂̓̆ͤͫ̍̀̔ͤͨͨ̈ͫ̾̉͑]̸̖͙̼͍̲̞͙̤̜̣̱̭̟̳͙̦̣̱̺ͩ̽̃̓́̾̅͒̀̕ ̳͈̳̘͎͚̪̖̹͎̻̣̘͈̝̿́̈ͣͧ̀͜͞ͅI̎ͬ́̔̽̒͂ͧ̋͒̆҉̧̥̺̖̬͈͔͔͝ͅt͈͎̭̮̪̭̣̱̲̳͙̱̳̫ͤ̇̐ͩ̕͡ͅͅ ̴͔̪̙̪̱̟̜̣̜͓̲̠͕̣̭͕̹͐̈̅̒̽ͣ͗͗̊̒ͦ̎̏̈́̾̈̄́w̵̻̗̝̣̩̹̥̒͑͒͐ͮ̐͊̂͆͛͟͜͞o̡̲̮͔͉͕͔̰̦̺̣̤̍̅̈͗̾ͪͭ͐ͮ͂ͦ̿̔ͪ̈̀͟r̵̴̪͎̖̹͚̅̉̑͒̊͛̎̾̈́͑̂͛ͯ̍͘k̵̶̑̓̂̄̔̓̌̀ͩ́͏͓̻̰̟͍̪şͬ̒̔̏̇͞҉̯̠͉̪̼̰̬̮̬̤͍͖̻͠!̴̡̧͓̲͔̝̣̬̗̾͂͆ͦ͋͋̾̊͜͡ ̢̘̺͚̣̫̹̱̻͖͉̤̄̄̅͆̄̄̏̏ͯ̍ͨ̓̎̑̔͛ͧ̐͑̀W̧̏ͩ̅́ͤͯ̍̄̐ͩ̚͝͏҉̫̤̪̻̬̫̲̣̩̳̩͇̘̣͔h̴̞̺̳͇̞͉͉̯̣̘̣ͩ̈͒ͨ̉̈́̈́ͭͩ̈̆̈́ͩͦͩ̓̚ͅặ̢͚̠͓̠͍̜͕͈̹̯̰̆̅ͫ̓̌̋ͯͦ͆͗̉̅̾͑͊͢t̴̡̰͍͕̰̭͇̲̺͍̗͍̔̀͛̀ͪͤ͂ͫ́ͪͥ̔ͤ̑́͜͝ ̷̧͍͉͈̺̙̠̩̦͍͎͈̤̩̗͖̍ͨͤ͐̈́ͬͥ͌̽̈́̅̏̊́d̡͆̍̌̐̓ͬͪ͑̀̏̄ͭ͆ͦ͒ͧ̎ͥ̅͏̬͇̗̣̺͎̙̗͢ͅi̶̸̢̺̻̜̖͔̜̳͕̫̝̻̪̮̼̩̱ͩ̋̆̍́̂͑̌̾̐̍̈́ͪͤͩ̆͟͡ḑ̠̹̖̯̦̙͔̤̱̲̤͙̥̙͚̞͋̽ͭ̎̚͟͡͠͝ͅ ̸̬͎̰͚̠͎̳͎̟̩̠̱̈́̅ͪ͐̀͘ÿ̈́͛̒̿ͪ̋ͧ̈͑͒͏̲̱͔̦̲̣̤̖̟̝͔̮̜̠̣͕̭̀o̲͔̭̯̤ͩ̆ͩͣ͗̔͐͒̒ͧ̈̾́͡͞ū̋ͫ͆̎͒͆ͨ͂͛̃҉̧̼̖͎̱̼͎͓̦̭̥̲͡ ̴̺̲̗͍̱͍͎̺͚͙̤̍̍̌̊ͩ̓̓̒ẹ̵͙̝͙̹̰͚̞̈̑̎͑̂͊͊͑ͪ̿̏̿̓ͯ̿͗̀͢x̡̼̺̤̝̝̜̮̖̪̬̠̣̘̮͔͛͋̒̈̑̉̀̄̃ͮͧ̈́̂̓̓̓̆̀͟͜͞p̷̴̺̳͈̮̤̱̜͔͔ͩͥ̈́́͑̏͐̄̌̐͌̊ͅě͋̿̄̂͊͋͐̒̅́ͥ̑̾́̃͛̚͘͞҉̫̩̬͉͎̟̱̩̹̠c̡̧̫̬̣̬̘͇̤̳̫̥̥̙̖̹͔̭̥ͣ̉̈̓͊͆̏̓͆ͯ̚͡͠t̷̩̣̣̮̄̾̎̐̐̏ͣ́̓̂̕͜ ͯ̎́̈ͥ̂̈͏̶̴̢̤̦̝͈͘i̵̧̥̼̣̰̩̭̙̗̹͙͕͎͎̿̈́̒ͭͤ̑̅͂̾ͦ̓̈̆̚t̵̢͒̑̅̊͜҉͚͖̲̘͓͚̫̤̹̪̞̦̪̪̠̟̘̣ ̧̞̬̬̝̦̬̖͚͔̦̗ͮ̓̐ͧ͐ͨͩ̍͘̕͜t̵͂͋̄̚҉̸͔̝͈̟͔͡ͅơ̶̡̦̱͔͖̭̖͖͙̟̼͓͕͚̣̝̹̺ͧ̔͋͌́͒̐ͯͪ̋ͮͩ̆̓̕͢ ̛̯͕̹̖̲̮̹̘͉̯̟̻̭͈̅ͪ̽ͮͣ̋̀͋̓̌ͨͫ̃̓d̶̛̫̼̮̻̣͚̳̰͗̾̓ͯ͋̓ͩ͂̒͂̂̉̊̇͢ǫ̷̣̗̞̣͉͍̫̲̖̝̺͍̰̙͈̏̉̓͌͜?̢̥̘̘̜̭͖͖̜͈͙̬̘̖́̓̊͐́ͩͧ̈́͊ͭͦ͌͛͋͊̊ͮ͌̑͞
KHAN TURN: JAGHATAI KHAN IS TOO AWESOME TO BE AFFECTED BY THIS REALITY-WARPING BULLSHIT! HE KICKED THE WARP'S ASS! [6] WITH THE POWER OF HIS STACHE, THE PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE IS WIPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH, ALONG WITH ITS PUNY CREATOR! HE EXPENDS TWO STACHE POINTS TO ACCOMPLISH THIS.
OVERDRIVE METER: |=________|
ALCOHOL METER: |=________|
ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |======___|
LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER METER: |=====____|
PLOT GAUGE:|==_______|
Lenglon: HOLINESS |======______|
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |=========|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |=========|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|==========__|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [PISS-WEAK TROLLS]
Yay! More romantic nonsense with GM!
((My other title here is God of Shipping, so that helps... XD))
[6] Fuck my life, I refuse to believe this shit.
[INSERT H-SCENE HERE]
There's absolutely NO FUCKING WAY I'm writing it! Use your goddamn imagination, if you have any. And stop looking at me like that!
Avis now has an EMBARRASSMENT METER, already half full!
Tell the godmodder that godmodding an GM in its own game is the hardest task in the world. Tell him he will be remembered throughout the world as the first goddmoder to godmode an GM completely if he pulls this off.
[4] He hears you out before turning on his Universal Logic Deflector, then takes off for this thread.
THE GODMODDER has arrived!
RECORD ANIME SERIES ABOUT HOBO CTHULHU MAGICAL GIRLS STARRING GM
[4] It is done! You even get Rie Kugimiya to voice me! It is not super popular, but watchable, and there's even a plotline of a sort. (+1 PLT)
Gain unlife as computer-based ghost.
[6] You are now SHODAN! Aren't we all fucked now or some other thingy-dingy?
ShadowDragon has gained a CONTEMPT METER! It is ginormous!
COMB RAVE -> FILL 'EM WITH DAYLIGHT
[5] The universe creaks, then slowly starts ripping in half! Dude, why the heck would you even do that? Oh well. I suppose it's just what you do. Fine by me.
Kick eternally burning Derm at GM wearing fire-proof gear.
Unlock darkpaladin109's chastity belts and sick him on GM.
Finally, corrupt GM's meters to rebel against him. Muhaha!
[3] You are unable to acquire fireproof gear, and so you decide not to approach Derm. Meh.
[2] Not a chance! You need the CHAINGUN, the PISTOL, and the TOMMYGUN for that! It's in the walkthrough! R-T-F-M, d00d!
[1] Z̟̫̻͚̥̄͒̎ͦ̈̾A̞̘̤͍̱̗̥̓ͭL̹̮̯ͦ̔̒̔̄G̰̱͎̯̼̒̒ͣͮͨͤ̒͞O̝͍̤̘͙̭̲ͮ͑͡!̶̭̺͚̾̆̈́ͬ͌ ̘̱ͨ̓̅̌H̙̮͔͔̜ͦ̈̎̿E̘̺͓̣͐ ̭̹̖̫͍̇͊͐͂W̙̩̣͔̤̯͓͒͆͋H̩͕ͫO̘̝͇ͯ͒̕ ̢̘̚W̠̥̹̘͈̝͉̍ͩ̒ͭA̗͛͌̅ͤĨ̻̝͈̣̯̝͙ͮͭ̓̑̎̋T̘̟̒ͥ͆ͮ͋S̗̰̮͊́ͅ ̟͖̲̝̎ͪ͠B̼͕̖͆E̞̥̭̹̩͔̱͌ͬ͊̉̀H͛I̟̘̼ͦ͑̏̿̃ͮ̔N̑͂ͪͫͤD̷̾̓͛͗̄͆ ̈́͏̻͔Y̮͚̐O̺͆̉̃͑̾Ṳ̫̣͖͈̱͗ͦ̍̀Ŗ̪̓͑́ͩ͐͌ͯ ̜̥͈̦̪̩̳ͬͧ͢B̀̓̍̚A̶͎͉̹̔͋ͅÇ̳̻͔̹̓̿͗̏̈K͗̈́̌͗̎͒҉͖͍,̫̯̒̐ ͎͛̀S̗̼͔͓͎̩̩̋U͕̣̥͔̫͇̝͒̑ͨ̈͐̈ͩC̤̱̥̾ͧ͜K̛̟͓̋̏̋͒͛̀Ā̱̝̺̭ͬ̇̇͌!̴̫̣̦͔̭̥ YOUR BRAIN ROTS AWAY TO MAKE ROOM FOR ELDRITCH TENTACLES. Predictably, that kills you.
((Wait, was mine an autofail?))
Hook the GM up on a dating site with dubious reliability and suspicious activity.
Nope, I just forgot to write the roll result. [6] Well. It somehow appears...No, I won't tell you where. I'm embarrassed enough as it is. I wish all those people stopped calling my number to leer into the phone. (+3 EMB)
Hug GM again.
[6] THE ENERGY OF OUR FRIENDSHIP FILLS ME WITH A BURNING POWER! ITS LIGHT TELLS ME TO DESTROY YOU..! Later, though. (+1 LFP +1 ODR)
coo gently to the GM and help him calm down and recompose himself. Grant him sanctuary against attacks.
[5] You are now ON GUARD! You will intercept the next attack, making it a contested roll! Awesome! (+1 LFP)
Arrive with a large quantity of material to build a wall to protect the GM from things!
Then charge one babelfish!
The BRICK WALL will intercept any attacks Lenglon doesn't! That's even awesomer! (+1 LFP)
Your BABELFISH is charged! Fire it?
Grab some whisky take a few shots then pass the bottle to the GM
[6] THIS IS GOD WHISKEY DAMMIT.
killerhellhound has acquired an ELDRITCHITUDE METER!
The GM's ELDRITCHITUDE METER has also grown! (+3 ELD +1 ALC)
Use pimp cane's magical powers to summon my almighty Ho army, then use them to conquer Khan. His stache shall be destroyed!
[3] The hos are not dumb enough to mess with Khan! I sorta understand them, too. Seriously, this guy is the shit. While all the other primarchs did pussy-ass bullshit, Khan pissed off into the Warp to be away from their fuckery! Well, so did Russ, but screw that guy and his Wolf Wolves.
Arrive with a large quantity of material to build a wall to protect the GM from things!
Then charge one babelfish!
Expend one UNDEFINED point to banish Aseaheru into the pits of game logic errors.
[4] He is banished! However, his BABELFISH is not, and remains ready to fire, should he so tell it!
Get in Dorisdwarf's face to prevent him from aiming the blast.
[2] Kinda nope, no, you clumsy-ass moron creature. Come again later. Besides, Dorsidwarf has no FACE. He's a faceless internet person.
Arrive in a blaze of glory.
[2] You arrive in a blaze of...well, fire. You are now on fire! Stop, drop and roll! Or burn to death, like I even care!
Become Fire.
[5] You are now a fire elemental! This is kinda cool, I say so myself. Certainly a nice alternative to stopping, dropping, and rolling, though I wouldn't put it into a PSA.
Combine all the invisible helicats into megatigertron. Assume metaphysical dominance.
[4] The recombination process is underway! Several HELICAT POINTS are expended, sadly, but progress is made. Progress is all! (-1 IHS)
Become the Wizard.
[5] Well fuck, you're Gandalf. Not Gandalf the White, just Grey, though. You menace with spikes of hat and beard!
GM TURN: Avis aims his GIZOOGLE! [3] It misfires yo. Crap.
KHAN TURN: Khan summons the White Scars 1st company to assist him HERESY to share in the fun. [1] He accidentally summons the Dark Eldar BDSM squad. Well fuck.
Dark Eldar BDSM squad turn: The BDSM squad attempts to drag Khan's ass to Commoragh! [1] They are so incompetent that half of them die of bad trips, some fall on their fancy swords, and the rest perish under Khan's PIMPED-OUT BIKE!
OVERDRIVE METER: |==_______|
ALCOHOL METER: |==_______|
ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |=========|
LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER METER: |========_|
EMBARRASSMENT METER: |=====____|
PLOT GAUGE:|===______|
Lenglon: HOLINESS |======______|
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |========_|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |========_|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|==========__|
killerhellhound: ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |=________|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [PISS-WEAK TROLLS]
BURN A DOZEN DVDS OF RECENTLY PRODUCED ANIME, CRUSH IT UP INTO FINE DUST AND SNORT IT
AFTERWARDS PROCEED WITH FORCING GM TO LICK TURTLES
[6] You cut SnK with Free! and top it off with a dose of Kill la Kill! Then you snort it, while breathing smoke from some more anime using a brass Jamaican bong, you drugface you! Everything turns wonderful and trope-overdosed!
LordSlowpoke has gained a TROPE METER!
[5] The turtles are finger-licking good, I tell ya. Having to lick'em in front of everybody is kinda disquieting, though. (+1 EMB +1 OVD)
More SFW romantic nonsense.
[6] ...FUCK. Well, so we have romantic and touching shenanigans, in the course of which I have to sacrifice my ELDRITCH POWERS to protect you, and you have to swear to never again roll a six while in this thread, under threat of immediate and dire consequences. I'm not kidding at all.
Avis has lost the ELDRITCHITUDE METER completely! He's just a Hobo Magical Girl now!
Pray
[5] God hears your inane babbling, and is endeared! He grants you some HOLINESS POINTS to use for goody-goody shit or summat! Cheers! (+3 HOL)
Preach the glories of science and technology to the GM, in an attempt to turn him from his Cthuluan ways.
[4] Well heck, I already have. I'll just add a few OVERDRIVE POINTS or something, so you don't feel neglected. (+2 OVD)
COMBAT OPERANDI -> CLOWNSTORM
[3] The clowns all tumble into the hole in the universe you made before, and nobody takes any damage! This is lame! Try harder!
Reveal that I actually stole it by inverting the quatro-blimonoid conserves, thus initiating a resonance dump and breaching the player-GM rift.
Then hit gandalf's face.
[5] Well guess what, you did. Shiiiiit. Your technobabble is superior! I don't get what you stole, though, so I'll say it was the babelfish. Fire it or whatever?
[4] The spinning fist strikes Gandalf in the nose, shattering the bone! Gandalf gives in to pain.
Convert all of time into a computer. Upload self into time-computer.
[2] You get a computer, but it's an Apple! You don't have the legal right to convert time on it! Besides, the UI was designed for people with hydrocephalia! Look, I can riff on Apple! Spin in that coffin, Jobs!
Fire the babelfish in a way that allows me to return! Then charge another one!
You would fire it, but Dorsidwarf nicked it while you were absent, so you settle for just returning. [4] Another babelfish is charged! Have a duel or something!
BEGIN OPERATION: BLACK SNOW!
USE MY URSIDAE ACCELERATOR CANNON TO RAPID FIRE CHINESE PANDAS EQUIPPED WITH LIGHTSABERS AT GM!
Also, get my GM SPORK back!
[1] A horde of Chinese assassins finds you and puts you down like a rabid dog for messing with the People's pandas! Don't mess with China where pandas are involved! In fact, don't mess with China at all, it ain't talking about chicken n' gravy biatch!
[2] And they don't give you your spork back. Not that you care, being dead.
(Forgot the knightliness meter for me. Proof it existed:
[6] There's no plot, you silly old fool! Except there is now, because of your meddling. On the other hand, your efforts to protect me have made you look knightly. You gain a KNIGHTLINESS point to do with as you will!
I used up that one point, but...)
Return victoriously from my quest to get the Overseer Project's Ragnarocxcaliber, the ultimate sword, with a army of knights behind me all sworn to defend the GM.
It was a single point, and scales which have no points in them disappear. Sucks.
[6]You wield the blade, and the blade is STORMBRINGER! It hungers for blood!
The Knights Hospitalier have arrived in full crusade mode! They are under Zanzetkuken's command! (+1 PLT)
Film the GM going on a highly scandalous date with a dominatrix banana head lady.
[1] The BANANA HEAD LADY is miffed by your paparazzi antics! She whips your ass and defenestrates you! You fall down into the street, where you are ran over by an ICE CREAM TRUCK! This kills you! Serves you right!
Arrive fifteen minute late with Starbucks. And a pagan god of wind for back up.
[2] Starbucks is closed for renovation! A thousand coffee zombies are clawing at the door, wailing about CAFFEINE!
[5] Well, you enlist the aid of FLATULUS, the mighty Greek god of wind! What'cha gonna do, dawwg?
Seek out xantlos and learn how to be an endritch master
Punch him in face to teach him the art of the bruise.
Eat the GM.
[4] His face wraps around your fist like a blueberry meringue! The art of the bruise, and also the art of the broken nose and subcutaneous haemorrhage is learned by him!
[5 vs. 1] The attack is intercepted by Lenglon, who was on guard! She's warm and comfy here inside your stomach. She shares living space with a dozen forgotten worlds and a bacon sandwich.
Seek out xantlos and learn how to be an endritch master
Punch him in face to teach him the art of the bruise.
Eat the GM.
Steal some of his power while he punches me
[3] Alas! The only power you manage to steal is the kinetic energy of his fist. In your face. Great job there, buddy.
Activate it.
Activate what, you silly dogg? [4] Okay, so let's say you meant the narwhal launcher. It fires! The NARWHAL is stuck in the BRICK WALL horn-first.
Film the GM going on a highly scandalous date with a dominatrix banana head lady.
((Lol.))
Deny this happened. The GM is MINE.
Proceed to act all cute and wounded.
[3] You know that this happened only because I had to set a trap for DAF, so your wounded act is kinda forced there. No LFP there. Also, this is your second action this turn. I noticed, see?
Warp in from nowhere with the entirety of the Imperium of Man's army and space-navy.
[3] Do you even imagine the size of that..? Nah, not a chance. You attemt to summon everyone in the universe, but some bored Administratum clerk tells you to bugger off and hangs up. That bastard.
Acquire Plot Points. Unite the Fellowship of the Ring
[2] Silly birdy, only the GM may have plot points. Sorry babe, it just ain't your story, y'know what I'm talking about? Also, you're unconscious because Dorsidwarf punched you in the face.
Wait for the godmodder. If he left any instructions to do, do them. If they were not to do something, then don't do them.
[5] You succeed in waiting. Awesome, bro. He's already there, you know? I believe I told you so, in bold, even.
Finish recombination. Assume control of Megatigertron. Begin besieging the GM.
[3] It is progressing extremely slowly! A MISERABLE FLECK OF BULLSHIT is stuck between two of the RECOMBINATION DRIVE's gears! What to do, what to do~...
Fire all weapons at GM.
[1] You have no weapons, dunce! You attempt to acquire them from COLOMBIAN ARMS DEALERS, but they double-cross you and murder your ass, since they actually sell drugs, not guns! Don't ask me how that correlates, since it doesn't!
[2] You arrive in a blaze of...well, fire. You are now on fire! Stop, drop and roll! Or burn to death, like I even care!
Become Fire.
[5] You are now a fire elemental! This is kinda cool, I say so myself. Certainly a nice alternative to stopping, dropping, and rolling, though I wouldn't put it into a PSA.
Find a nice Fire Weird to settle down with. Make little fire babies. Lots of little fire babies.
[4] You settle down with one! Her name is Mary! You have a son, called Mary, and a daughter, also called Mary! You also get a notice reminding you to bold your actions! What ho!
EXIST AS GM FROM ALTERNATE DIMENSION. USE CHEATING POWERS TO CRUSH EVIL GM WITH PALACE.
[1] The dimension in which you exist has different laws of physics, so when you arrive, you are torn atom from atom and disintegrated! Those two are actually synonyms! Respawn?
GM TURN: Avis unjams the Gizoogle and fires it into the air! [6] It be supa effectizzle biaaatch! From dis moment onward, all Gizoogled actions receive a +1!
KHAN TURN: Khan lengthens his STACHE with an effort of will![5] It grows with the creak of a thousand ancient forests! Behold, and be amazed! (+2 STP)
OVERDRIVE METER: |=====____|
ALCOHOL METER: |==_______|
LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER METER: |========_|
EMBARRASSMENT METER: |======___|
PLOT GAUGE:|====_____|
Lenglon: HOLINESS |=========___|
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |========_|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |========_|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|============|
killerhellhound: ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |=________|
LordSlowpoke: TROPE METER: |=========|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [PISS-WEAK TROLLS]
Orpheus strummed till his wild lil' fingers bled
Dude hit a G minor seven
Dude raised up Dogg from a thugged-out deep, deep chill
Dogg was a major playa up in Heaven
RUN OFF ON AN ADVENTURE INVOLVING TROLLS AND MAGIC BOLTS AND WITCHES AND TRANSFORMATIONS AND BEING NOTICED BY SENPAI
[2] Guess what? Somebody cut your anime with bad fandub! You flail around on the floor in a fit of apparent retardation! This is terribly bad - tr00 fans choose sub! I warned ya! (-1 TRP)
RUN OFF ON AN ADVENTURE INVOLVING TROLLS AND MAGIC BOLTS AND WITCHES AND TRANSFORMATIONS AND BEING NOTICED BY SENPAI
This cannot be biaaatch! Protect Sempai from mah competizzle at all costs while showin his ass mo' ludd a affection!
[5+1] ...Okay, so this wasn't a natural six, so you are not smited for it. Your ingenuity astounds me! Let's get married married married~!
The Collaborator has received a PROPOSAL from the GM! (+1 EMB +1 LFP)
Endear myself to the audienec. Or make myself look like a badass. Either works.
[6] You endear yourself to a Polish commando fighter named Audienec! You also get hemorrhoids, so your ass is bad! I do not know whether the two events are related, and guess what? I DON'T WANNA KNOW!
Use COMBAT OPERANDI -> DEMOTE on the Knights Hospitalier to demote them to mere peasants.
[3] Your SUCKLE FLAGON is empty! Yes, I know you do not need JOCOSE HONEY to perform a COMBAT OPERANDI! I'm just distracting you until it's TOO LATE!
CHEAT LAWS OF PHYSICS. USE ALTERNATE PHYSICS TO FLY AROUND.
[4] You cheat on the laws of physics with ALTERNATE PHYSICS! The laws of physics apply for a divorce! You shamelessly move away to live with your lover, ALTERNATE PHYSICS! You filthy, adulterous swine-bag! I also hate people who roll fours! Four is the boringest number! I hate you!
Cry because of my miserable failure. Ask GM for forgiveness, and aid in respawning. Oh, and respawn.
[5] Oh, alright, just this once. Because you asked politely. But this doesn't mean we're friends, you geddit?
WhitiusOpus is respawned! (+1 LFP)
Create a computer using space as material.
[4] You create a computer out of LINUX SPACE! Unfortunately, it's ARCH LINUX SPACE, so stuff is kinda complicated, and you don't even have a desktop interface yet, but I'm sure you can figure it out. In time. When you're wiser.
Become the Other Wizard and Revive Gandalf.
[3] No. You are not a wizard. There are no other wizards except Gandalf! Everybody else is HERESY. Unless you want to be that weird Radagast guy with all his birdies and whatever.
Post to watch, thus stretching the GM's strength thinner!
[6] ...I don't know what to make of it. Ah, wait, here.
Avis has received two pages of replies! His update speed has dropped to a nanoletter per second! What hast thou done, thou phat fool?
Attempt to channel holy power into Zanzetkuken to give him a holiness meter.
Heal any of Zanzetkuken's knights who fall.
[1] You sacrifice yourself in a blood-chilling ritual of darkness, giving up your life to give Zanzetkuken a holiness meter, but what you thought was the light of God is actually a defiling flood of sticky blood, creeping black from your torn heart and into the cracks in the world, where they wait and hunger.
THE WILD HUNT HAS BEEN CALLED! HORNS SOUND IN THE DISTANCE, AND GHOSTLY HOOVES THUNDER! THE HUNT IS AFTER ZANZETKUKEN! Two turns until arrival. (+1 PLT)
Clean off fleck. Finish recombombulation. Become Tigertron prime.
[3]It's stuck. Lame, yeah? The only thing that prevents your ascension is a MISERABLE FLECK OF BULLSHIT. But hey, if you rolled a one, I would make you become bullshit and die. I rule your life, miserable monkey.
Continue ta pray so much dat I overload mah holynes meter.
[3+1] You are awash with divine power, dogg! Just a bit more, and it WILL be full! Did I tell you I hate people who roll fours yet? (+3 HOL)
Arrive as mah dirty ass, n' pull mah own underground GM-meter outta mah pocket n' place it by mah character stats, biiatch.
[1+1] You do arrive, and just as you open this thread, the 5-0 sweeps in to detain you for possession of an illegal GM-meter! Your gangsta powers save you from being stomped, but you drop the meter as you flee! Some cop has it now! This is dangerous!
Charge more fish!
[4] Done! How about you get a fish-charger's license or some shit like that?
Continue ta pray so much dat I overload mah holynes meter.
Join her and pray
FTFY
Dont you know There are no girls on the internet (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThereAreNoGirlsOnTheInternet)
But alright Pray with her
[6] GODD hears your lame-ass prayers! He grants you stigmata and you get eldritcher! GODD is one scary mutha fucka! (+3 ELD)
[5] You are now a fire elemental! This is kinda cool, I say so myself. Certainly a nice alternative to stopping, dropping, and rolling, though I wouldn't put it into a PSA.
Find a nice Fire Weird to settle down with. Make little fire babies. Lots of little fire babies.
[4] You settle down with one! Her name is Mary! You have a son, called Mary, and a daughter, also called Mary! You also get a notice reminding you to bold your actions! What ho!
Complies with notice, cursing government interference.
Raise Fire Elemental/weird children as elite warriors.
[6] You raise them as the uberest fucking commandos this side of Israel! But the Government recruits them for Government shit! You are only allowed to see them once a week now! Mary is devastated!
Throw a wheel of cheese at the GM
[5] Ow, man, that fucking hurt. People like you shouldn't be allowed to have cheese! (EMB +1)
Create propaganda about GM
Because I couldn't sit back and watch n'more.
[2] You apply to the propaganda office with your hilarious fucking shenanigan proposal, but the SCARY OFFICE LADY turns you down and glares at you until you flee! That is horrible!
Be so bitchin' cool, yo, that da GM be growin' a razzledazzle stat, an' if he be runnin' out, he be in deep shizzle.
[1+1] Fuck dat shit, you can't do dat son! Yo ass have no razzledazzle stat n' yo ass is not cool, just gangsta!
Orpheus strummed till his wild lil' fingers bled
Dude hit a G minor seven
Dude raised up Dogg from a thugged-out deep, deep chill
Dogg was a major playa up in Heaven
Sigged.
Attack with the godmodder, unless he has a different idea. Then follow his idea.
INTERCEPT ACTION!
Fight any and all that attack the GM.
Have Knights Hospitalier assist in the defense.
[4 vs 1] The Knights get their black-garbed asses handed to them thoroughly! As you organize a hasty retreat, an eerie wind shakes the trees all around you. You hear the baying of hounds in the distance, and the hunting horns carved of oathbreakers' bones - you know them by the screams that resound in their call. Goosebumps run all over your skin. You pray to the Lord, for you know that the Wild Hunt is upon you.
Trap GM in Dwarf Fortress. Preferably in such a way he is physical annilated by Cacame, destroyed spiritually by The Holistic Detective, and obliterated metaphysically by Armok.
[1] NO U. You are currently trapped in DF, running from an enraged Giant Badger. But seeing as you're stupid, you can't quite remember the way back to the fortress, so you run in the opposite direction, and are mauled into bits. Serves your ass right.
I lurk amassing my shadow power.
[3] Your shadow ninja power, I take it? I dunno what it is, so no-thang happens. How predictably lame.
GM TURN: Avis summons the Inquisition to kill every muthafucka who rolls a four! [5] YES! I shall not have to deal with this boring-ass number again!
KHAN TURN: Khan wraps himself in a STACHE COCOON to survive the coming of the Hunt! (-1 STH)
OVERDRIVE METER: |=====____|
ALCOHOL METER: |==_______|
LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER METER: |==========|
EMBARRASSMENT METER: |========_|
PLOT GAUGE:|=====____|
Lenglon: HOLINESS |============|
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |========_|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |========_|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|===========_|
killerhellhound: ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |====_____|
LordSlowpoke: TROPE METER: |========_|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [PISS-WEAK TROLLS]
Gandalf: Awake and summon eagle steeds, launching an all out attack upon the GM.
[4] Well, you do wake up... AND LOOK WHO JUST ROLLED A FOUR! IT'S INQUISITION TIME, MUTHAFUCKA VILE HERETIC! Two burly inquisitors drag you away to their torture chamber who knows where. One of them appears to be heating long steel spikes over a brazier. What do?
Destroy the Wild Hunt with my blade
Knights Hospitalier: Assist in destroying the Hunt
Roll, yo fet, get on the floor, errybody do the DINOSAUR
By which I mean
Summon DINOSAURS to eat the Wild Hunt
Summon DINOSAURS to eat the Wild Hunt
Knights: Ride Dinosaurs into battle
[4 and 2 vs 3]
Lightning flashes, and rain pours down hard, as if some giant has sliced the sky's belly open with his sword.
The Knights Hospitalier hold their reptilian steeds firm. The velociraptors are skittish: they sense something deeply wrong with the world, and they have no heart for this weather. The knights are more skittish still, even though their faces are grim and stern. All fear what is coming, but none know what to await.
Harness clinks, and lightning flashes again and again. Rain beats on armor with a relentless patter. The knights wait.
Then, as suddenly as it started, the rain stops. In the middle of the sky, an off-white glow starts. In the middle of the wisp, a figure appears: it has been there since the beginning, the knights realize, lost among the treetops, outlined in lightning. It is a tall man with a stag's skull for a head, mounted on a midnight black horse. Slowly, he raises a hunting horn to his lips.
The sound is felt rather than heard: the raptors hiss and bare their teeth, the knights mutter prayers, drawing their swords. The forest shivers like a frightened beast.
And then the sky bursts open.
Hundreds upon hundreds of mounted figures flow around the stag man: all silence and sanity is lost among bloody mouths screaming ancient curses, bulging eyes, clawing hands, the swish of arrows, the smell of gore and sweat and death. In the heart of it all, the stag man stands deathly still.
The knights hold fast, but the raptors cannot bear the smell: they bolt. The knights are thrown off or dismount, some slaying their own steeds beneath themselves. And then the Hunt collides with their hastily-reformed ranks.
Some throw down their weapons and run, but the rest stand their ground, swords in their hands and the name of Mary on their lips. Brother-Commander Zanzetkuken stands first among all, his black blade Stormbringer slaying fiends right and left, but even with his assistance the knights' numbers begin to dwindle.
Extracting his sword from a naked half-wolf woman's ruined skull, the Brother-Commander turns to see the stag man advancing slowly from the sky, the rest of the Hunt parting before its leader. Zanzetkuken knows who it is that he seeks. He faces his foe with Stormbringer in hand, a grim smile on his face.
The stag man - Herne the Huntsman, mad Herne of old - extends his hand as he dismounts, and the commander sees his fingers twist, skin snapping, bone reforming into long, savage claws.
The knight and the monster stand a mere two feet apart. Zanzetkuken sees the darkness pooling in the skull's sockets. Nothing.
The claws flash up without warning, aiming to disembowel. Stormbringer flashes down with a scream, and Herne stumbles backwards, but regains his footing quickly. Zanzetkuken follows with a quick thrust - knocked aside by the Huntsman's claw - and a slash, which his foe sidesteps with apparent ease. The claws snap back with lightning speed, scoring deep gashes into the knight's face. Stormbringer drops down in an overhand chop, but to no avail. Herne circles around the knight lightly, inflicting new wounds with each strike. Zanzetkuken begins to lose hope. "Maria Virgine..." - he gasps, blood dripping down his face. Herne pauses in the middle of a strike. A flash of inspiration strikes the commander of the Hospitaliers. He adopts a defensive posture, and begins singing softly.
Gaudete, gaudete! Christus est natus
Ex Maria virgine, gaudete...
Herne takes a few steps back, as if suddenly doubting himself. The knight looks up for the first time: he sees that the rest of his men have gathered in a circle around him, and the hunters are oddly still, as if waiting for his battle to end. One of the knights, a green novice, picks up the song tentatively.
Tempus adest gratiæ
Hoc quod optabamus,
Carmina lætitiæ
Devote reddamus.
Herne stumbles, Stormbringer slicing the air right before his throat. Zanzetkuken attacks desperately, all thoughts of defense cast aside. The rest of the knights join in, their voices ringing through the night air.
Deus homo factus est
Natura mirante,
Mundus renovatus est
A Christo regnante!
Herne is on the defensive now, parrying each blow that the knight lashes him with, but here, here, a single mis-step...
Ezechielis porta
Clausa pertransitur,
Unde lux est orta
Salus invenitur!
The black sword rips through the Huntsman's clawed arm, severing it at the shoulder, and it tumbles to the ground limp. Herne staggers back, then turns and flees. The hunters break rank. Some knight has picked up the black battle standard from the dirt, and the Hospitaliers charge after the fleeing huntsmen with it fluttering above them, slaying all stragglers with bitter steel, singing as they run.
Ergo nostra contio
Psallat iam in lustro;
Benedicat Domino:
Salus Regi nostro!
...
After all has settled, Brother Zanzetkuken's small squad - all that is left of his previously large army - makes its way back to Rhodes with Herne's severed arm as proof of this great victory. The black standard flies bold above their heads: it is now a relic of the order, so that all know how the unholy fled before the names of Christ and Mary, and rejoice.
The hero of the battle sleeps soundly in a wagon, resting his injuries. He does not plan on waking until they bring him home. Nobody blames him.
Get a fish-charging licence because the GM suggested it! But first, fire a fish at the Inquisition so that they just go and state that they are the Inquisition in your general direction.
[5] "Heresy hearing is scheduled in Spain!" - they say. Makes sense. I'll go get drunk, this is killing me. (+2 ALC)
[1] The SCARY OFFICE LADY denies your license application! And shoots you in the face! And stuffs the application into the resulting bullet hole! And then plugs the hole with her schlong! I told you she's scary, didn't I?
Turn bullshit to my own use! Convert it into BULLSHITTING REALITY POWER.
[3] No disco here, Derm. It's bullshit, so it's useless. Like, totally. Can't have any bullshit powers, because they'd stop being bullshit then, no?
Cure my bad ass.
[4] You decide to be a sensible person and go visit the doctor. He prescripts suppositories, and after a few weeks, you're almost back to normal. Good thing, I would have given you colon cancer if you rolled a one... WAIT YOU ROLLED A FOUR. Aw, fuck it. Too late now.
FORCE GM TO USE D12'S, BECAUSE A FOUR ON THOSE SUCK ASS ANYWAY.
CREATE A GOLDEN RING IN A VOLCANO, GIVE IT TO AN IRRESPONSIBLE PERSON.
WRITE EPIC TRILOGY ABOUT IT.
BECOME SPIRIT ANIMAL. THIS IS UP TO GM'S INTERPRETATION.
[3] No, dude, just no. It's a whole new layer of unnecessary complications for me. I mean, you don't want me to update once a month, do you?
[1] Turns out a dude called Tolkien already did that. His relatives sue you for copyright infringement, and you have to pay $ 10^8 for damages. Your broke ass dies on the street [4] but is reincarnated as a spirit capybara. Inquisitors chase it around for rolling fours, inquiring whether a God-fearing man can eat capybara.
Summon more players! Force GM to roll even moar!
[5] Fuck you, dude, I have two other RtD's to run, serious ones at that! Not like this minimalist piece of shit at all! D'you know I haven't updated Into Empty Skies in like, four days, and it's still the second turn? Granted, it's cause somebody *coughdarkpaladincough* won't post, but dude. Why?
USE ALTERNATE PHYSICS TO PUNCH GM REALLY HARD.
[6] k̛̟̱̤̥̪̰͍̥̖ͫ̽̃ͥͥͯͯͪ̅̌̆ͥͧ̑ͅn̡̢̦̤͈̤̝̦͎̦̲̬͓̦̱̉̑͋ͨ͜͠ͅo͂̃̿̓̿̂ͬ̔͘͞҉̸͍̞̱͉̮̮̗̱̥̭̤͓̙͖ͅc̡̩̞̘̟̞͈̻̰̞̞̣̅ͬ͌̾̈́ͥ̌̀̉͒́̀ͭ̀̚͞ͅk̡ͧ̎̈́̒̅̅͏̦̰̙̩d̵ͥ̅̊̈ͤ̆̄̇̇ͭ̉̄̂ͥͬ̎͑͐ͬ́͢҉̟̰͇̦̜̞̩̫̤̦̟̯̭̮̞̖̫́o̶͉̱̥͍̮̖̺̮̤̥͕̤̙̳̲̤̗̫ͯ̈́̈ͦͣ͊̾ͦ̓̓̏ͭ̅̂͐ͣͯ̊́w̡ͧ͑͒͋͌̎̓̈̈́ͧͮ̿̎ͩ̔ͨͥ͡҉҉̘̥͕͉͚̟̟̰̘͍ͅn̍ͤ͛ͦ̓̅̉̂̾̑̐͐̅̅͛҉̡̯̤̞̼̰̜̠̗̻͈̗̟̖̘̭̀͡ͅ
оͯͮ̍ͦͭͧ̎ͦ̉ͣ҉̴̷͕̼͔̳̯͚͖̱̣̜͈͖̞̹̺̺͓͜͡о̴̡̞͚͚̝̙̤̲͚͊ͯ̆͆̔͌ͦ͌̾́̚̕͞л̨̝̦̫̗̱̩̦̼̘̠͚̗̂̋ͣ̔̈́̉͑͊̎̋̒͟͞ͅо͇̤̝̻͎̥͔͚̯̬͇̹͖̞͐̌̿͐̅̒̈͂ͣ́͘͢д̴̧̪̰̞̣͍̬̗̳̖̂̽ͦͥ̓̃ͣͯ͛͑͗ͫ̌̎̓̋͂͟щ̴̼͍͚̙̩̰͔̝͉̺̘̹̺̑ͥͯͤ̐ͧͧ͌̽ͬ̄́́̌́ͅͅщ̢͉̝͓̖̣͉̪̾̒̃ͮͧ̽̓̐̕ы̵̡̳̪̲̣̩̙̬̐̑́ͨ̓̾ͩ̐ͭ̐ͣ̾̀̕ш̷̨͔̻̙͕̩̝̆ͥ̂ͤ͢в̶̴̨̳̩͓͇͕̫̘ͮ̅̆ͨ̑͊̒ͫͧ̉͊̉̕͜р̴̸̺̼̬̩͔̗ͤ̈͑̆͒͌͑в̴̛͙͈̘̺̙̦͙̹͕̘̹ͣ̄̇͊̇̆̔̈ͬ̈́̂͂ͦ̃͌͌́̚̚щ̷̧͛͗́̽̔͒̓ͫ͌ͧ̓͂̓̎ͣͧ́̋̚̕͏̮̖͙̻̦г̀ͦ͑̐͒ͭ̀̾ͣ̑̍̒͛̂̓͊͠͏̰̹̤̘̰̭̱̰͙͙̩͉̞̙́͘р̶̧̧̖̠̻͔̝̎̊ͨ̏̆̄̿̊͛͢в̶̪̩̘̣̰̪̳̏̔ͧͮ̇́͠в̡̭͖̦̲̣͔̝̙͋̏ͤ͂̑͆̍͋̔ͧ͆̒̋͢͢͜о̵͔̺̱͇̗̥̟̖̌ͧͥ̉̑ͣ̕͝т̵̰͕͚͕͎̙̔ͪ̉̿̋ͮ̔ͨ̆̎ͨ̃ͪ̐͛̓̏̕д̨͖͓͍͖̘̝̪̤̦̘̻̥̫̪̖̪͚̅ͨ̍̄̊̐̃̂ͦͮ̍̏͗̕ͅц̵̡̡̫̹̘̮͉̦̥̖̣ͯ́ͫͤͪ̈ͥͤ͌ͦ͗ͬ̑̄͞ͅ
̧̯̲̫̲͕͍̃̑̽ͧͧ͢͡л̵̵̝͕̞̟͎̺̩͚̖͎̻̠̞̦̭ͯ̏̓ͤ́͝р̴̧͚͕̳͇̠̞̞̯͑̈́͑ͨͫ̄ͧ̔̓̑͒̿͊ͩ̆͑́́̚͡ӹ͖̩͍̮̯̥͉̲̙̣̭̪̈́̋̃̀ͥ̽ͦ̑ͦ̋̃̃̔̚͟͝ͅвͬ̿ͬ̒̉̒̎̿ͭ̃̊͑̓҉͔͇͍͖̝͘о̵̜̦̝̫͓̙̞̱̗̜̘͐ͮͩͫͭͧ͋̍̀͢͝ͅч̵̢͓̻͕̻͖ͬ͂̾͋ͪͮ͗͌̽͢͠лͥ́̓̾̑ͤ̇̏͑̽̔͏͏̞̦͙̬͖̫̥̤͕̲̘̝̯д̵̢̹͈͎͇̲͎̰̗̣͈̪͛͋ͣ̽ͯ̈́ͦ̊͐́ͦ́̎̐̒͋̎̀о͆̄̓͒̍͏̷͞͏̻͈͎̭̰̖̲͍͓̺͉̠̜̹̹̻̟ͅо̷̧̢͌̆̔̏͋̔ͥ̔̏̐͒̽ͥͦ͝҉̬̩̲͍̝͔͔͔͎͙͔̗̩̣о̧̮̺̭̜̮͕̹̗͓̲̼̣ͤ̑ͣ̋ͮ̍͌ͣͬ͐ͧ̉ͤ͆́̕͢ͅо̸̧̛͇̮̫̗̺͙̝͔͓͔̤̤̙̐̇̌ͮ̔̑͐̈ͫͥ͒̽̓̕ͅо̨̢̢̡͎̪͈̹͚͇ͪ̏ͥ̌̔ͭ̿ͫ̈́̓̇̂͌͗͆̐̾̔͞о̏͑̂ͫͯ͐̐ͣͣ͌̽̓͗ͪͭ͛͋̏̐͟͠҉̧̣̱̻͓͓̖̻̥͟о̵̛̜̼̙̥̰͖̻͙͇̹͉͎̰͚̬̩̲͎̀͐ͩͯ́̇ͬ͒ͯ̄ͧ͝͝о̡̧̘̪̝̘͕̲̪̹͕̘̺̺̓̋̃ͩ̈͗ͤ̚͝͞оͧ̊̋̋ͩ͏̛͕̪̳̩̤͟͢о̶̟̥͚͉̺̪̝̮͛̿͌̓̂̅ͦ́͛̆̃ͤ̊̏͌ͤͯ͞ͅо̵̨̮͖̱̞̣͓̞ͫͧͨ͗ͬ̑ͮ̂̂̈ͣ̀̕͟о̸̶̧̫̗̻̮̼͍̥͍͆͗̋ͫ́ͮ͗̔о̜͎̜̖͉̹̺̲̱͇̜̘͈̙̎̌̿͊͆ͬͥͭ̉ͯ̈̅̀̕͟͠о̷̨̻͈̰͕͎̠̘̱̭ͬ̓̔ͧ͛ͪ̆ͥ̾̊̾ͣо̦̥̰͔̝̩̱͗́͑ͬ̓̌ͮͮ̓̆́ͨ̉͢͜о̷̸̝̤̞̘̗̳͙̲̭̪͍ͪ̓͋͗̔ͤ̂́̂ͧͪ͌͑̌͋͢ͅо̴̶̛̭̼̹͎̩͚̯̟ͮ͆͒͗͑̋̂̋̃́̑͆̂͗
̢͋͊ͪͥͥͥͯ̈ͯ̑̍͂̌͋̀ͣͦͧ̐͠͏̴̘̯̺͕о̴̯͇͕̘̫̠͕̮̳̼̲̺͛̍ͤ͌̈̊ͬ͋̒ͭ̎ͯͯ̽̀̚͝͠ͅͅо̇͋̏͒͂́҉͚͔̼̭̯̤̳͙͎̖̩͚͉̰о̑ͯ̆ͩͪ͛̑̌̎͆̈͆̚͏̸̯̦̰̭͖̥̮̻̮͎̼д̪̖̠̞͒ͦ͗͗ͥ͂̒ͬ̎͐̌͘͞ͅы̢̰͙͈̟̭̩̮̲̼̭̙̙͉̦͎̤̗̐͋̒̌͢ͅвͬ̈ͨ̈͂͛ͮ̄ͪ̔͢͢҉̤̯̭̼̹̞͉̖̲̯̞ͅо̸̢͕̰͙̪̞̮̜͚͖̖̻̟̱̒̔͑͆̇ͯ̉͑ͮ͘в̢̛͖͈̙̫̭̥̱̭̳̖̖̄̀͑̊̑̏́͊̾̋ͯͩ̉̍ͭ̓̈́̀̚̚̕͝р̢̛͙̺̭̝͖̱̞͍͚͖͓͚͖͚͕̳͇͋͐̋̔̍̈̅ͩы̵͕̗̰̹̗̼ͫ̎̊̓̅̍̆ͯ͐ͦ̈́̚̕͜͜͞ͅд̴̡̮̞͚̳̱̉͊̍̋̎ͪ͒̒͂͑̕͘ш̢̫͇̺̘ͥ̇̏͑̂̄͗̀͟ͅо̷͌̋ͩ͆́̈́͒͜҉̢҉͔̫̭̫̫̪͈̹̭̤̫̤̟̖уͭ͛̈́͛̀͡҉̻̪̜͚̼͜͠д̶̵̛͉̜̹̘̲͉̘̮͕̻̼͙̫̣ͤ̊̿͛̅̄̕͟ͅл̛̱̯̗͈͈͇̥̻̲͔̦̗͇̳̹͈̓͑͛͐͌͌̍̇͋ͩ̀͋͋͛̀̚͞͠о̵̛̱̩͉̱͙̳̼̥̜̲̖͖̗͐̿̃̄̿͐̉̈͑́̽͋ͬ̄́͜вͨ̔ͬͯ̎҉͎̞̙͈͇̗̥̹̤̞̠̜͟ы̶̰̱͚̣̖̭̠̪̣ͪ͗̂ͮ͛͊́ͩ͐͑̈́ͬ̀в̴̨ͪ̑͌ͥ̀͐̈̀ͦͩ̃̿̽̑̋̋̾̽҉̬̺̳̠̲̯̠͎̼̞̳̥̳̘̞͈͍̙ͅд̴̻̱̪̭̮͕͉̜̝͕̥̰̥̩̾̓͆̌͑̔̕͟͢͠ͅл̴̵̥̥͉̜̙͓̘͖̞̬̼̱̪̄̉̉̔ͪ̇͑ͫ̄̀͛̐͆ͣͮͥ͒ͫͅо̊̑ͥ́ͦ̇͑͋̄̓͞҉͍̭͖̤̗̪̗͢о̶̧͍̙̤̺̫͚̖̠̺͍̫ͧ̃̐ͯ̍̽͌̍̂ͦ̈́̿ͫ̎͗̀ͨͬо̧̢͚̰̣̝̗͍͊̾̏̎̓̆ͣͩͩ̽ͥ̌ͯ͆̽̉̕̕ͅ ̡͍̦̯̫̦̘ͩͪ̈́̅͠Б̶̛͉̻̪̞̫̙̂͆̽͂͐̓̈ͯ̚͘͢͞л̸̒̍ͮͨͪ̅̐ͣ̆ͧ͝҉̗̥̼̭̦͇̗̱̘͉̗̰̣̬̹ͅя̸̵ͯͥ͛̒͑̀ͮ͆҉̴̻̘̩͇͈х̶̴͕̤͓͇̻͍̼̤͚͉͚̠̭̆̓̾̅͜ͅа̢̥̞̫͎͇̬̺͚̙̦̘͓͇̣̦͔̠̔̈̀ͮ̑̐ͨͣ̐̑̀̇̃̚͢͡͞͠
̵̗̠͕̮̰͔͖̮̟̼̦̼̘̭̣̑̐͐ͩ́͆͒ͯ̂ͬ͜ͅ-̸̷̛̗̻̪̰̟̃ͫͫ̏͛̂ͥ́̑̅̃̿ͤ̆ͤͬ͜м̶̆̃̾͐͐ͮ҉͉͔̠͇͎̗̼͚̣͈͘ӱ̵̷̵̨̪̖̻̼͖̟̻͎͎̲̖̤̬̬́̉ͩ͑ͤ͗͂͒х̉̆̓ͤ̽͐ͯ͊́̚͏̷̭̠̣̩͚̘̻̳̣̺͙̣̼̭̞͝а̷̤̭̳̦̔̾̀̚͡ͅͅ,̤̺͇̘̝̫̬͉̯͓̙̙̩̩̥̼͈ͭ̀̔ͯͣͮ̅̆ͥ́̚͠͡ ̡̡̬̺͙̙͎̠͔̜̘̿̓͗̈ͫ̅ͦ̍̄̚к̢̌ͣ̄̔̂ͦͤͯ̓͒̀̅͋͒̋ͭ́̚͡҉̢̤͉̻̗͓̠̘̫̲͔͉̼̪̟̥а̸̨ͥ̊̈́ͮ͋͐ͩ̈̓҉̖̱̰̫̰̙͈͉͓͙̝͚͍̜к̢̛̫̥̤̭̭̀ͮ̃́̄̅̿̽͑̈̓̌͛̈́͊́͢ ̶̷̦̝̰̤̤ͩ̆̂̏̔̚͢͢͠ж͔̤͖͚͚̪̭͍̻̼͈̌̾̆ͥͧ̓̑̾ͬ̐ͬͤ̄̈̄̈́ͣ̈́̐̕͠ͅё̛̹̦̫̳̫̼̥͎͈̪̦̠͙͖͔͎͗̄̇̀ ̡̂́̌̃͆͐ͮ҉͡͏̟̙͔̫̘̹͙̗̠̼͖͉с̷̫̬̤̺͓̟̓̇̍̉͂̽̊̊ͪ̂̂̏̃ͣ̐ͬͤ́͡͝ͅп̨̣̼̯̰ͯ͊̈̏ͬ̅́ͩ͋́͡а̴̡͚̻̟̳̪́̇̀̏͘т̷̨̖͍̤̫̥̞̣̯̣̻ͫͫͭ̌ͫͣ̒̔ͣ̑͗ͮ̊ͥͣ̍̀̚̚ь̢̥̳̦͉͎̱͂̋͂̊ͨ͐̑͒ͭ̚͜͞ ͛͌ͨ̓̀ͩͤ̑ͤͭͦ͏̴̧̖̤̖̣̬̹̣̻̰̪͙͞о̐̈̓̏̑̄̑̃҉͏̨͘͏͍̝̝̼͉̲̝х̲̝̺̺̯̰̗̺͓̮̰͕̏́̽͛̂ͬ̓͂̉͐͢͞о̵̟̬̪̺͎̻͎̪̣̝̞̤̪͑ͦ͆̂͢͜ͅт͒̓̇ͣ̂͘͏̝̻̻̘а̵̧̺̘̻̺̱̼̹̫̹̔ͨ̅̏͐ͧ̿̓̆̔͂̔̒̌͛̀̕.̸̰̘͇̳͇̟̪͇̳̟̩̫͕͕ͯ̄̈̾͟ͅͅͅ ̟̮̪̼̯̭͔͍̣̟̱͈̹̞̳͕̻͒̐ͣͬ͑́̍̏ͫ̀ͯͧ̾̃ͬ͒ͨ͗͟О̡͎̲̱̭͈͔͖̣̣͇͓ͨͯ̔̂̔̒ͯ͒ͤ̃ͣ̄̅ͤͣͯ͑̎̑͟с̢͉͍͖͉̬͍̗͈̮̠ͨ̍̅̌͑̽̓ͦт̸͍͚̰̣͓̝͙̞ͪ̿͑̑̏ͨ̀͗̓а̴̵̧̡̹̗̺̻̝̝͖̻̣̾ͣ̒ͪ͆͆ͭͦ̓͋͡т̴̸̃̄̓ͦ́ͨ͂̚͏̼͇̱̪̗̭̖̯͘о̴̷̵̨̮̣̻̣͔͍͖̻͚̥͍̩̼͕̳̾̓ͭ̓́͊̀̈́͋͞к̨̛̔̋̄ͥ̔̅ͫͫ͒̐̑͒̔̕҉̠̟̠͎̖̣̬̣̘̗̻̳͖ ̸̵͎͇̩͕̤̺̥̩̣͎̞͓͚͖̪̯̮̺̜ͧ́ͤ̈̂̀̕аͫ͐̒̓ͨ͆̽ͨ͞҉̸̴͇͇͚̗͓͈͕̠͎̟͙͇̲̬̯̹̙͝п̨̢̱͕͖̹̬̩͆͆̓ͨ̆͂ͧ̒ͨ̅̂͌̓͘ͅдͩ̎̑͛͊͛ͮ҉̨͔̮̩̣͕͔̣͍̯̣̙̩͈͎͙͘͢е̶̴̺̱̭͕͍͚͕͓̭͎̣̬̹͔͉͖͍͐͒ͪ͑̋̾̿͌ͥ̚͘͢͠й̶͔̪̺̗͈̻̯̥̤̪̪͖̮̤̯̉ͣ̏̒̄̄̐͊̓͂ͫ̇ͧͪͨͨ̎͟͠ͅт̶̰̯̱̳̳̩͓̼̤̬̞͖ͮͥ͂̎̌̃̍ͯ͐ͪ͌͋̂̎͟ͅа̜̲̖͓̠̼̦͙̭͎͎̹͐͂̉̄ͬ͝͠ ̩̜͖͉̟̼͙͚̫̱̠̗͓̥̟̱̗̈́ͬͥ͒͛̓͆̾͂ͪ́̀ͅп̷̧͚̫̞̬̫̼̣̌̉̓̍ͮ͋͒̇̍ͦ̋̆̍̆͊ͯ͞ͅо͐ͫ̀̈͊ͣ͐̎͑̈́ͣ̽̒̍̾͜͏̵̥̟̟̰̤͎̳̦̦͎̟͙̩̣̬̝ͅт͎͕̬̬̣̯͓̃͋͑͂ͬ̄̃͂̊ͦ̋̓ͤͣ̓͊͠ͅо̶̡̝̞͔̘ͦͧ̓̏ͫ̆̐͊ͬ͊̃̊͡м̫̣̟̦͉̖̝̻̰̬̘͂̄̔ͭ̈́ͬ̐ͯ͗̽̀̀̚͘͞.̴̨̦͖͇̜̼̪̠̥̖̺͍̻̃̎͑ͯͭ̑̾̓ͯͨ͐́͘͠ͅ ̰͕̪̖̮͍̞̜͍̘̤̠̳̦̬̻̟͎ͧͧ̾̌͒̂ͬ̄͘͜
̷̧͇̪̦̞̼͕͕̩̻̫͎̩̙̭̥̗͕ͥͬ͋̿ͅŖ̖̹̲͓̹̊̑̍ͨͭ̈ͥ̕͡͞é̩̖̙̞̣̳̰̩̫̤͈͖̟͚̹̪̬̬ͣͫ̾͌ͬ̍ͥͧ̓͑͛͌̉̉ͤ̽́̚͜ͅs̶̴̟͇̱̘̪͔̮̩̲͓͚̳̼͈͉ͯ̂ͧ͗͂́̚t̨̘̲͈̻̹̙͈͎̫͔̏͐̿͛̄͡ ̌ͦͥͤ̑̔͒ͫ͗̅̽̌̒̍̃̉̚͢҉̡̪͙͓̱̥͓̰̭͙̕o̎ͤͩ̐̈́́̉̐̎́̄́͐͏̶̷͙̜̺̠̙̥̲̖̱̗̺̖̝̲̻͇̯̠ͅḟ̖̭̪̺͍̘̰͎̱͇̯̘̭̈́ͮ̿͛ͣ͛̐̓͒͗̋ͪ͆͊͗̈́ͧ͡͝ ̷̶̲͎̼̗̭̲̬̫͖ͪͯ̂͋̓ͯ̈̿͐ͧ̿͗̽͛̊t̡̡̻̙̟̼̂ͥ͊ͤ͆͆̈́͂̆̏͐͐̂̽̋̇̀͟͜h̷̶̛͉̦̬̝̤̖͐̽͑ͦ̽ͯͬ͋͌͊͗͆͐͆͗ͫ́̚͝ͅẹ̣̱̼̞̩̬̘̦̫͈͆̿̄͛̉̊ͣ͢͝͞ͅ ̶̛̖̳̥͈͈̯̙͔͖̙͈͈͓͎̣͙͕ͬ̽ͫͬͮ́͛ͧ̍ͫͨͧͪ̅͐̾͒̐͠͞u̷̢̼̲͙̪̻͓̜̓͂̓̏̌͐̂̽̑̀͝p̶̸̴͈̼̮̪͇̗̹̪̱̳̠̥̰͈̹̝̲͍̅͌̏ͯͮ͂͂ͯͪ̿̀͗ͨͬ̚͠͝d̷̢̢̛̞͉͎͓̹̜͇͙̝̲͔̝͍̥̥̅̇ͫ̌̉͑ͮ̓̓͋ͮ̓͆̾̾ͤ͟a̢̖̲̺̲̙̲͚ͬͤ͐̿ͤͭ̊͗̏̃͘͜͞t̴̖͕̝͖̥̹ͯͧ͛̊͂ͯͯ̓̍̓̒̐ͣ̄ͧ͠ͅȩ̶̦̖͈͔̰̝̙̥͇̗̖̰ͦͧ̃̏̊ͣ͋̂̀͟͞,̸̸̨̺͓͙̻̟̣̙̪̓͐͒̽̀ͭ̉̌͡ ̖͖̭̘̗̦͇͚͆̅ͫ́͞͝͝͡ͅl̡̐̌́̂ͨ͂͌͆҉̧͚̩̟̯̯͓̲̲̩͚̗̰͡a̛͈̲̮̬̍ͯͣ̂ͤͣ̄̅͌̌̈̓̚͜t̶ͤ̾ͣ̆ͦͬ̉͢͞҉͍̻͚̠̰̠͚̭e̔̎̈̑͌̕͏͈̪̼̝̳̻̫͍̱ͅͅrͯ͐͛͂̀̄̋̾̍̉҉̨̞̖̦̥͘͢͠,̡͎̘̭̯̊͌͂ͦ̏̄͠ͅ ͫ͒̅͋̑̂̌̈ͣͭ͂ͦ̌҉̵̡̞̬̺͓̹̼̦̼̥͉̞̯̯̯̣̘̙͝ͅg̷̢̈͐ͣ̈́͌̂̀͏̛̱̘̭̙̘̺ơ̡̼̲̱̯͓̞̩̣̩̅̿̋͆̽̈́ͫ̔̏ͧͥ̑̾̂͋ͦͣ̃̅͝n̡̈́͊ͬ̏̚͝͡͏͎̯̟̤̗̩͉͕͢e̙͔̩̭͙̖̭̥̝̼̰̣̥̣͖̩̫̗͌̅̊̿̉ͯͧ̓͗ͥ̇͐̓ͤͪͫ̎̑͟͢ͅ ̡̼̖̞̪͙̟͖̞̱̘͆ͭ̏̾̌͒̍̓̊̍͟͡t̒̈́́̿ͬ҉̴͍̩͓͔̘̮̩̼̼͔̝̺̙͉̀̀͟ǒ̷̸̮̪̟̰̟̙̭̩̥̟͔̊ͪ̇̈͛̀̌ͥ͑̍͌͂̒ͫ̿̆̋̓̕͝ ̷̯̳̙̠̠̪̫͙̰̫̦̩̰̞̄̑ͤ̉ͬ̑̽̋̂ͭͧ̉͒̓ͪ͞ͅs̴̵̶̢͇̗̬̲̱̗̟̳̲̳̮̲̖̥͔͈̹͈ͥ͐̓ͬ͑̈́̀̈͊̅͐̆̒̒̋l̛͖̼͉͍̜̱͇̼̭͓ͣ̏͂̋͛̒͗̀͝͞ͅe̢̧̛̙͚͔͔̗͎͎̳͈̠͖͚̮̘͙͆̀̓̋̾̎̇ͬͦͯ̒̿͋́̃ͥ́͑͢͜ͅͅêͥ̌͒̾̃̒̂ͭͫͧ̉͆͟͏̶̧͕̣̗̗̣͖̮̥̠͝p̷̪̩̠̖̼̰̹͓̝͇͙̿̏̿̀͂̓̀̆͘
Dispose of my current trolls. Hire new ones to send a tsunami's worth of spam advertisements and viruses towards GM's computer.
[6] You inform the piss-weak trolls that they have failed you for the last time, then post an advertisement about trolls being hired. The guy you get trolls your face at the interview, but you still end up hiring him.
DAF has gained the Coolhacker Winrar Troll! Avis gains a virus that makes him post links to places that are totally porn! (http://government.ru/)
"I am Pitch, King pf Nightmare."
I amass power from the fear of those around me.
[1] Why so green, buddy? You amass fear from everybody around, have a heart attack, and die. Kinda anticlimactic, this is.
Relocate battle to low Azathoth orbit.
[5] Well fuck.
WE ARE ALL AT LOW AZATHOTH ORBIT! IT IS DECAYING! ZANZETKUKEN IS NOT AT AZATHOTH, HE IS AT RHODES! THE REST OF US ARE PRETTY FUCKED!
Erm... my rolls suck...
Respawn as... I don't know... a flying turtle...
[2] HAHAHA NO, THE SUCKERATION MUST CONTINUE!
Git marryin' GM-Sempai; we'll even gotz a big-ass ceremony n' every last muthafuckin thang! WHAT!
[4+1] ...
....
...Damn you. Yes, I do.
...
Are we married now, or what?
...What are we even going to do about this?
Avis has sustained an EMBARRASSMENT BREAK! HE IS NOW A NERRRRRRRRRRRRRD! CRIPES!
LV. 20 THORNCODDLE: SNUGGLEBARB PRICKLEPOKE on Zanktezkuken
[1] WELL GUESS WHAT BUDDY, YOU ARE NOW AT LOW AZATHOTH ORBIT! HE IS BADDER THAN YOU! AND SCARIER! IF YOU ASK WHY YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHOM IT AFFECTS, WELL, YOU'RE THE ONLY FOO TO ROLL A ONE!
DMK's armor has been destroyed!
Complete tha prayer
[4] You supplant DOGG as ruler of the universe as the holiness meter overloads. Of course, I'm still cooler than you, since I'm actually omnipotent, but heck. Pretty cool.
Lenglon has initiated a HOLINESS BREAK! She is now DOGG!
Attend marriage as Best man
[1] Nope! You can't make it to the marriage ON ACCOUNT OF FALLING TOWARD AZATHOTH AT TERMINAL VELOCITY ARGHRHGHARHHAGGRGAH
BLAST ENTIRE TROPE METER ON DROWNING GM IN A LITERAL FUCKTON OF CUTE THINGS
[1] YOU BLAST ENTIRE TROPE METER ON... Well, this. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GoneHorriblyWrong)
The Mega Care-Bear Stare hits LordSlowpoke in the heart! It explodes into an unrecognizable mess! It also hits Avis!(+2 LFP) AVIS HAS SUFFERED A LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER BREAK! THIS IS NOW AN RtD ABOUT HOW EVERYONE IS FRIENDS WITH THE GM! FUCK!
Get revived by Necromancer, then repeat previous action.
[6] You do come back, however, it seems that your soul has been...misplaced in the process. This happens.
[5] Well, I am now in Dwarf Fortress! Thanks bro, that was timely, for I am now not at AZATHOTH ORBIT, which is cool. I am also a Legendary Shield User, Legendary Hammer User, Legendary Dodger, and Legendary Glassmaker! Life is chill! If I can evade all those other d00ds, that is.
[6] You raise them as the uberest fucking commandos this side of Israel! But the Government recruits them for Government shit! You are only allowed to see them once a week now! Mary is devastated!
Channel rage at this event into an all consuming firestorm. Aim this firestorm at anything and everything within my path.
[2] Nah, bro. You can't fight the Man, it's useless. He's there to oppress us. We elected those bastards, Mlamlah. Not somebody. They gave us a selection of humanity's worst, and told us to make our pick. And pick we did. This is our sin - we brought this on ourselves through complacency. It's too late to rage now; didn't you know this would happen when you put that tick in that bulletin?
GM TURN: Avis attempts to hide from Cacame! [4] YES! It is a success! Why am I not penalized for a four? It's very UNFRIENDLY of you to ask such questions!
KHAN TURN: Khan's STACHE DROP POD drops onto Azathoth's surface! [1] He breaks several hairs! (-3 STH)
OVERDRIVE METER: |=====____|
ALCOHOL METER: |====_____|
N.E.R.D METER: |========_|
PLOT GAUGE:|=======__|
Lenglon IS DOGG
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |========_|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |========_|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|========____|
killerhellhound: ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |=====____|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [COOLHACKER WINRAR TROLL]
Point out that I do have a god so me being a heretic is kind of dumb.
[3]They retract their accusations of heresy and declare you an infidel instead. The brazier guy puts away his spikes (they're for heretics) and goes to get an axe (for infidels).
Gain stable orbit.
[2]Orbit continues to decay! You have until next turn to do something about that shit, friendo. If you don't wish to buy a farm on Azathoth surface, that is.
Take the GM stick while the GM is knocked out.
[5] Well, there's no way you could take my stick, rea... FUCK. FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU. WHERE IS MY STICK, NYUKKA?
THAT MOFO SMURFINGTON HAS NICKED MY ROD OF POWER I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD!
Apologize to scary office lady, apply again
[4] You politely but firmly extract the SCARY OFFICE LADY's schlong from your skull-hole and inquire whether you can re-submit your application. She is impressed with your refusal to die and says she will consider it, and have a temporary license in the meantime, thank you, come again.
Become Eldritch Lord.
[1] Oh. Oh fuck, man. Do you know what happens when you roll a one on eldritch shit? You don't wanna know. You don't wanna know what just happened to you. All I'll say is that it involved the slimy hands of Death itself and the terror of a drowned child, trapped in your eyes, finding no way out. You're dead. Possibly several times. Thank the gods.
Fly off into the sunset as spirit capybara.
Have odes sung to me by all inferior rodents.
[4] Glorious, glorious wings! The inquisitors abandon their pursuit because frankly, I'm tired of them. Seriously, fuck those guys, I keep forgetting they exist.
Inferior rodents sing odes! You cannot hear them, though, because the other rodents can't fly, and you're soaring majestically through the stratosphere.
Force GM to cease this game and stick to his only true love Trailblazers & Empty Skies RTD's
[5] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hahhahaha
haha
*sob*
ACQUIRE THE HARDEST BEAT
[4] The ground rumbles. Your beat is hard and primal. You can hear the resounding bass of a harder beat in the distance, though. There can only be one.
MURDER EVERYTHING
[5] Well screw you, buddy. You succeed in murdering everybody who goes after your post, with the possible exception of Zanzetkuken since he's part of a separate storyline. Everybody who's after your post is shifted into the AFTERLIFE.
...Cacame doesn't miss.
HERETIC!
Well, there's still Armok and the Holistic Detective...
Also:
Toady updates Dwarf Fortress in such a way to make your entities RAWS obsolete, annihilating you from existence.
[1] YOU ARE NOT TOADY
KURTULMAK SHALL BRING SUFFERING UPON YOU
ALSO YOU ARE DEAD AND IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE OF THAT ONE PRICK ABOVE YOU
KURTULMAK RAMPAGES THROUGH THE FIELDS OF ELYSIUM
Send troll to install even more viruses in GM's computer.
[5] *FILE CORRUPTED* yo momma, punk *FILE CORRUPTED*
(http://i.imgur.com/7mg5QqA.gif)
ALSO AFERLIFE
>BEGIN
Well, that got boring pretty quick. No use attacking the GM now. You know what??? I'm quite bored. With basically almost nothing to do right now here I guess I am going to do something that hasn't been done yet. What is it??? I'm glade you asked. You see, I'm going to invade this RTD and conquer it with my forces from my RTD's after that I will expand until I am ruler of the RTDs. That's an simple enough explanation. Now time to get cracking
Use interdimensional portal device from my ROLL TO UNION RTD to get my forces here in the first place.
You crackalackin.(http://i.imgur.com/R9RJ7Zw.gif)
Become SPUDULON, GOD OF POTATOES
[6]You are killed by that one guy, but martyred and you somehow replace god in the afterlife, yadda yadda yadda. Long story short, in the beginning there was a Potato named SPUDULON, all hail it. You're gawd. Glory to you.
>I AM THE VIRUS THE MAKER OF THE ROT THE FILTH IN THE EYES THE BRAIN THE FINGERS
>END
>SHUT UP && REPEAT FOLLOWING
>REPEAT PREVIOUS
reincarnate in the nearest available dead dwarf with Armok's permission.
ARMOK DENIES THEE WITH VIOLENCE! THINE SOUL IS CRUSHED, SO NOW YOU'RE AN AFTERLIFE GHOST
>I AM THE FLESH OF THE MACHINE THAT QUIVERS AND YEARNS FOR THE SHORT-CURCUIT
>VAR:X;INTEGER
>X= ME
>END XThink of the most ordinary, boring, non-committal action possible.
[3] You roll a three, the most ordinary, boring, and non-committal number possible. Then you die and are transporthed to the afterlife.
My avatar curls up on Avis's bed and look up at him all wide-eyed and waiting to be petted.
[3] There is no bed. there is no godAnd you are in the afterlife. It is ruled by Potato God, equal to you in might.
Rest.
[1]Brother Zanzetkuken rests his injuries in his monastic cell in the fortress of Rhodes. His sleep is dark and heavy, and so he does not hear the skittering of claws under his bed. A towering figure - a dark paladin of the empty spaces - unfolds itself from underneath, and lowers a hand over the knight's face. From the palm of that arm, a long and slimy tongue darts out to lick the wounds on Zanzetkuken's face. Then the paladin vanishes again.
A week after this event, the Hospitallers bury their hero. His wounds have become infected, you see, and he died shortly after. Some say Satan himself killed the knight to pay back for the humiliation of his servant Herne.Others say that the Huntsman's claws must have borne some vile and eldritch poison. Some whisper that no wickedness of the Enemy can touch a man as godly as Brother Zanzetkuken, and that a presence from another world must have undone the knight. This is, of course, delirious heresy.
Zanzetkuken awakens on a tall hill made of clouds. On the top of the hill, an enormous potato rests. Zanzetkuken is naked, but Stormbringer is still with him.Gandalf: Channel the Literary and Persuasive Powers of Miguel Cervantes, and convince the inquisition to not slay Gandalf.
[1]You micast a spell, and accidentally channel the literary and persuasive powers of Giordano Bruno instead! You are burnt at the stake, and then darkpaladin murders you. You'rein the afterlife noiw.
(http://i.imgur.com/6nX2Saq.gif)
Goomba-stomp DMK into azathosphere to acheive HIGH AZATHOTH ORBIT
[3] You bounce off DMK! And then you bounce off him again! This arrangement doesn't seem very likely to change! What a shame.
LV. 1000 RUNNING NUMBERS: ROLL FOR DEXTROSITY
[1] THE GM NOTICES THIS IS YOUR SECOND ACTION THIOS TIORN
PERISH
PERISH
(http://i.imgur.com/P8h6N1Z.gif)
You perish. You are now also in the afterlife with all those guys you killed.Work out, get big muscles to make GM-Senpai notice me
[2]It seems you have a significant deficit of willpower, so you can't stop eating Cheeto bentos while you excersize. Your LARD ASS doesn't seem to be going away, though you gain some muscle.
>THE WIRES REMEMBERBE INCARNATED AS AN DRAOI, GOD OF THE DRUIDS
Failing my incarnation as a God, incarnate and attempt to forge myself a Deity meter.
Meanwhile, call upon the animals of the woodlands to gore you to death!
If I accidentally summon bunnies, cute you to death instead!
[3] You stand around in a white robe, waving your arms and looking slightly ridiculous. Things fail to happen. A single hedgehog approaches you to see what all that noise is about.BE WER6.
[3] Fuck you bro, you're GWG.
I HENCEFORTH DECLARE WER6 TO BE GWG!
Be such an anta baka that the dere-dere meter is brought back.
Work out, get big muscles to make GM-Senpai notice me
I like the way this one thinks.
[5] You act in a cutely retarded and slightly endearing manner. The dere-dere meter pokes its tiny little pink head out of...well, I wouldn't know.Roll to give gift
[1] The gift shop is bombed by the Al-Quaeda. You die and are transported to the afterlife, wherein a potato reigns.
GM TURN: Avis begins digging a fort for himself! [3] He digs himself a nice set of dirt corridors, but there's an aquifer under the soil levels!
KHAN TURN: Khan goes fucking ballistic on Azathoth's bullshit ass! [4] With the help of his POWER SWORD, he digs a long way towards AZATHOTH's core! Azathoth is furious about this development!
OVERDRIVE METER: |=====____|
ALCOHOL METER: |====_____|
N.E.R.D METER: |========_|
PLOT GAUGE:|=======__|
Lenglon IS DOGG
PowderMiner IS POTATO DOGG
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |========_|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |========_|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|========____|
killerhellhound: ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |=====____|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [COOLHACKER WINRAR TROLL]