Gandalf: Awake and summon eagle steeds, launching an all out attack upon the GM.
[4] Well, you do wake up... AND LOOK WHO JUST ROLLED A FOUR! IT'S INQUISITION TIME,
MUTHAFUCKA VILE HERETIC! Two burly inquisitors drag you away to their torture chamber who knows where. One of them appears to be heating long steel spikes over a brazier. What do?
Destroy the Wild Hunt with my blade
Knights Hospitalier: Assist in destroying the Hunt
Roll, yo fet, get on the floor, errybody do the DINOSAUR
By which I mean
Summon DINOSAURS to eat the Wild Hunt
Summon DINOSAURS to eat the Wild Hunt
Knights: Ride Dinosaurs into battle
[4 and 2 vs 3]
Lightning flashes, and rain pours down hard, as if some giant has sliced the sky's belly open with his sword.
The Knights Hospitalier hold their reptilian steeds firm. The velociraptors are skittish: they sense something deeply wrong with the world, and they have no heart for this weather. The knights are more skittish still, even though their faces are grim and stern. All fear what is coming, but none know what to await.
Harness clinks, and lightning flashes again and again. Rain beats on armor with a relentless patter. The knights wait.
Then, as suddenly as it started, the rain stops. In the middle of the sky, an off-white glow starts. In the middle of the wisp, a figure appears: it has been there since the beginning, the knights realize, lost among the treetops, outlined in lightning. It is a tall man with a stag's skull for a head, mounted on a midnight black horse. Slowly, he raises a hunting horn to his lips.
The sound is felt rather than heard: the raptors hiss and bare their teeth, the knights mutter prayers, drawing their swords. The forest shivers like a frightened beast.
And then the sky bursts open.
Hundreds upon hundreds of mounted figures flow around the stag man: all silence and sanity is lost among bloody mouths screaming ancient curses, bulging eyes, clawing hands, the swish of arrows, the smell of gore and sweat and death. In the heart of it all, the stag man stands deathly still.
The knights hold fast, but the raptors cannot bear the smell: they bolt. The knights are thrown off or dismount, some slaying their own steeds beneath themselves. And then the Hunt collides with their hastily-reformed ranks.
Some throw down their weapons and run, but the rest stand their ground, swords in their hands and the name of Mary on their lips. Brother-Commander Zanzetkuken stands first among all, his black blade Stormbringer slaying fiends right and left, but even with his assistance the knights' numbers begin to dwindle.
Extracting his sword from a naked half-wolf woman's ruined skull, the Brother-Commander turns to see the stag man advancing slowly from the sky, the rest of the Hunt parting before its leader. Zanzetkuken knows who it is that he seeks. He faces his foe with Stormbringer in hand, a grim smile on his face.
The stag man - Herne the Huntsman, mad Herne of old - extends his hand as he dismounts, and the commander sees his fingers twist, skin snapping, bone reforming into long, savage claws.
The knight and the monster stand a mere two feet apart. Zanzetkuken sees the darkness pooling in the skull's sockets. Nothing.
The claws flash up without warning, aiming to disembowel. Stormbringer flashes down with a scream, and Herne stumbles backwards, but regains his footing quickly. Zanzetkuken follows with a quick thrust - knocked aside by the Huntsman's claw - and a slash, which his foe sidesteps with apparent ease. The claws snap back with lightning speed, scoring deep gashes into the knight's face. Stormbringer drops down in an overhand chop, but to no avail. Herne circles around the knight lightly, inflicting new wounds with each strike. Zanzetkuken begins to lose hope. "Maria Virgine..." - he gasps, blood dripping down his face. Herne pauses in the middle of a strike. A flash of inspiration strikes the commander of the Hospitaliers. He adopts a defensive posture, and begins singing softly.
Gaudete, gaudete! Christus est natus
Ex Maria virgine, gaudete...Herne takes a few steps back, as if suddenly doubting himself. The knight looks up for the first time: he sees that the rest of his men have gathered in a circle around him, and the hunters are oddly still, as if waiting for his battle to end. One of the knights, a green novice, picks up the song tentatively.
Tempus adest gratię
Hoc quod optabamus,
Carmina lętitię
Devote reddamus.Herne stumbles, Stormbringer slicing the air right before his throat. Zanzetkuken attacks desperately, all thoughts of defense cast aside. The rest of the knights join in, their voices ringing through the night air.
Deus homo factus est
Natura mirante,
Mundus renovatus est
A Christo regnante!Herne is on the defensive now, parrying each blow that the knight lashes him with, but here, here, a single mis-step...
Ezechielis porta
Clausa pertransitur,
Unde lux est orta
Salus invenitur!The black sword rips through the Huntsman's clawed arm, severing it at the shoulder, and it tumbles to the ground limp. Herne staggers back, then turns and flees. The hunters break rank. Some knight has picked up the black battle standard from the dirt, and the Hospitaliers charge after the fleeing huntsmen with it fluttering above them, slaying all stragglers with bitter steel, singing as they run.
Ergo nostra contio
Psallat iam in lustro;
Benedicat Domino:
Salus Regi nostro!...
After all has settled, Brother Zanzetkuken's small squad - all that is left of his previously large army - makes its way back to Rhodes with Herne's severed arm as proof of this great victory. The black standard flies bold above their heads: it is now a relic of the order, so that all know how the unholy fled before the names of Christ and Mary, and rejoice.
The hero of the battle sleeps soundly in a wagon, resting his injuries. He does not plan on waking until they bring him home. Nobody blames him.
Get a fish-charging licence because the GM suggested it! But first, fire a fish at the Inquisition so that they just go and state that they are the Inquisition in your general direction.
[5]
"Heresy hearing is scheduled in Spain!" - they say. Makes sense. I'll go get drunk, this is killing me. (+2 ALC)
[1] The SCARY OFFICE LADY denies your license application! And shoots you in the face! And stuffs the application into the resulting bullet hole! And then plugs the hole with her schlong! I told you she's scary, didn't I?
Turn bullshit to my own use! Convert it into BULLSHITTING REALITY POWER.
[3] No disco here, Derm. It's bullshit, so it's useless. Like, totally. Can't have any bullshit powers, because they'd stop being bullshit then, no?
Cure my bad ass.
[4] You decide to be a sensible person and go visit the doctor. He prescripts suppositories, and after a few weeks, you're almost back to normal. Good thing, I would have given you colon cancer if you rolled a one... WAIT YOU ROLLED A FOUR. Aw, fuck it. Too late now.
FORCE GM TO USE D12'S, BECAUSE A FOUR ON THOSE SUCK ASS ANYWAY.
CREATE A GOLDEN RING IN A VOLCANO, GIVE IT TO AN IRRESPONSIBLE PERSON.
WRITE EPIC TRILOGY ABOUT IT.
BECOME SPIRIT ANIMAL. THIS IS UP TO GM'S INTERPRETATION.
[3] No, dude, just no. It's a whole new layer of unnecessary complications for me. I mean, you don't want me to update once a month, do you?
[1] Turns out a dude called Tolkien already did that. His relatives sue you for copyright infringement, and you have to pay $ 10^8 for damages. Your broke ass dies on the street [4] but is reincarnated as a spirit capybara. Inquisitors chase it around for rolling fours, inquiring whether a God-fearing man can eat capybara.
Summon more players! Force GM to roll even moar!
[5] Fuck you, dude, I have two other RtD's to run, serious ones at that! Not like this minimalist piece of shit at all! D'you know I haven't updated Into Empty Skies in like, four days, and it's still the second turn? Granted, it's cause somebody *coughdarkpaladincough* won't post, but dude. Why?
USE ALTERNATE PHYSICS TO PUNCH GM REALLY HARD.
[6] k̛̟̱̤̥̪̰͍̥̖ͫ̽̃ͥͥͯͯͪ̅̌̆ͥͧ̑ͅn̡̢̦̤͈̤̝̦͎̦̲̬͓̦̱̉̑͋ͨ͜͠ͅo͂̃̿̓̿̂ͬ̔͘͞҉̸͍̞̱͉̮̮̗̱̥̭̤͓̙͖ͅc̡̩̞̘̟̞͈̻̰̞̞̣̅ͬ͌̾̈́ͥ̌̀̉͒́̀ͭ̀̚͞ͅk̡ͧ̎̈́̒̅̅͏̦̰̙̩d̵ͥ̅̊̈ͤ̆̄̇̇ͭ̉̄̂ͥͬ̎͑͐ͬ́͢҉̟̰͇̦̜̞̩̫̤̦̟̯̭̮̞̖̫́o̶͉̱̥͍̮̖̺̮̤̥͕̤̙̳̲̤̗̫ͯ̈́̈ͦͣ͊̾ͦ̓̓̏ͭ̅̂͐ͣͯ̊́w̡ͧ͑͒͋͌̎̓̈̈́ͧͮ̿̎ͩ̔ͨͥ͡҉҉̘̥͕͉͚̟̟̰̘͍ͅn̍ͤ͛ͦ̓̅̉̂̾̑̐͐̅̅͛҉̡̯̤̞̼̰̜̠̗̻͈̗̟̖̘̭̀͡ͅ
оͯͮ̍ͦͭͧ̎ͦ̉ͣ҉̴̷͕̼͔̳̯͚͖̱̣̜͈͖̞̹̺̺͓͜͡о̴̡̞͚͚̝̙̤̲͚͊ͯ̆͆̔͌ͦ͌̾́̚̕͞л̨̝̦̫̗̱̩̦̼̘̠͚̗̂̋ͣ̔̈́̉͑͊̎̋̒͟͞ͅо͇̤̝̻͎̥͔͚̯̬͇̹͖̞͐̌̿͐̅̒̈͂ͣ́͘͢д̴̧̪̰̞̣͍̬̗̳̖̂̽ͦͥ̓̃ͣͯ͛͑͗ͫ̌̎̓̋͂͟щ̴̼͍͚̙̩̰͔̝͉̺̘̹̺̑ͥͯͤ̐ͧͧ͌̽ͬ̄́́̌́ͅͅщ̢͉̝͓̖̣͉̪̾̒̃ͮͧ̽̓̐̕ы̵̡̳̪̲̣̩̙̬̐̑́ͨ̓̾ͩ̐ͭ̐ͣ̾̀̕ш̷̨͔̻̙͕̩̝̆ͥ̂ͤ͢в̶̴̨̳̩͓͇͕̫̘ͮ̅̆ͨ̑͊̒ͫͧ̉͊̉̕͜р̴̸̺̼̬̩͔̗ͤ̈͑̆͒͌͑в̴̛͙͈̘̺̙̦͙̹͕̘̹ͣ̄̇͊̇̆̔̈ͬ̈́̂͂ͦ̃͌͌́̚̚щ̷̧͛͗́̽̔͒̓ͫ͌ͧ̓͂̓̎ͣͧ́̋̚̕͏̮̖͙̻̦г̀ͦ͑̐͒ͭ̀̾ͣ̑̍̒͛̂̓͊͠͏̰̹̤̘̰̭̱̰͙͙̩͉̞̙́͘р̶̧̧̖̠̻͔̝̎̊ͨ̏̆̄̿̊͛͢в̶̪̩̘̣̰̪̳̏̔ͧͮ̇́͠в̡̭͖̦̲̣͔̝̙͋̏ͤ͂̑͆̍͋̔ͧ͆̒̋͢͢͜о̵͔̺̱͇̗̥̟̖̌ͧͥ̉̑ͣ̕͝т̵̰͕͚͕͎̙̔ͪ̉̿̋ͮ̔ͨ̆̎ͨ̃ͪ̐͛̓̏̕д̨͖͓͍͖̘̝̪̤̦̘̻̥̫̪̖̪͚̅ͨ̍̄̊̐̃̂ͦͮ̍̏͗̕ͅц̵̡̡̫̹̘̮͉̦̥̖̣ͯ́ͫͤͪ̈ͥͤ͌ͦ͗ͬ̑̄͞ͅ
̧̯̲̫̲͕͍̃̑̽ͧͧ͢͡л̵̵̝͕̞̟͎̺̩͚̖͎̻̠̞̦̭ͯ̏̓ͤ́͝р̴̧͚͕̳͇̠̞̞̯͑̈́͑ͨͫ̄ͧ̔̓̑͒̿͊ͩ̆͑́́̚͡ӹ͖̩͍̮̯̥͉̲̙̣̭̪̈́̋̃̀ͥ̽ͦ̑ͦ̋̃̃̔̚͟͝ͅвͬ̿ͬ̒̉̒̎̿ͭ̃̊͑̓҉͔͇͍͖̝͘о̵̜̦̝̫͓̙̞̱̗̜̘͐ͮͩͫͭͧ͋̍̀͢͝ͅч̵̢͓̻͕̻͖ͬ͂̾͋ͪͮ͗͌̽͢͠лͥ́̓̾̑ͤ̇̏͑̽̔͏͏̞̦͙̬͖̫̥̤͕̲̘̝̯д̵̢̹͈͎͇̲͎̰̗̣͈̪͛͋ͣ̽ͯ̈́ͦ̊͐́ͦ́̎̐̒͋̎̀о͆̄̓͒̍͏̷͞͏̻͈͎̭̰̖̲͍͓̺͉̠̜̹̹̻̟ͅо̷̧̢͌̆̔̏͋̔ͥ̔̏̐͒̽ͥͦ͝҉̬̩̲͍̝͔͔͔͎͙͔̗̩̣о̧̮̺̭̜̮͕̹̗͓̲̼̣ͤ̑ͣ̋ͮ̍͌ͣͬ͐ͧ̉ͤ͆́̕͢ͅо̸̧̛͇̮̫̗̺͙̝͔͓͔̤̤̙̐̇̌ͮ̔̑͐̈ͫͥ͒̽̓̕ͅо̨̢̢̡͎̪͈̹͚͇ͪ̏ͥ̌̔ͭ̿ͫ̈́̓̇̂͌͗͆̐̾̔͞о̏͑̂ͫͯ͐̐ͣͣ͌̽̓͗ͪͭ͛͋̏̐͟͠҉̧̣̱̻͓͓̖̻̥͟о̵̛̜̼̙̥̰͖̻͙͇̹͉͎̰͚̬̩̲͎̀͐ͩͯ́̇ͬ͒ͯ̄ͧ͝͝о̡̧̘̪̝̘͕̲̪̹͕̘̺̺̓̋̃ͩ̈͗ͤ̚͝͞оͧ̊̋̋ͩ͏̛͕̪̳̩̤͟͢о̶̟̥͚͉̺̪̝̮͛̿͌̓̂̅ͦ́͛̆̃ͤ̊̏͌ͤͯ͞ͅо̵̨̮͖̱̞̣͓̞ͫͧͨ͗ͬ̑ͮ̂̂̈ͣ̀̕͟о̸̶̧̫̗̻̮̼͍̥͍͆͗̋ͫ́ͮ͗̔о̜͎̜̖͉̹̺̲̱͇̜̘͈̙̎̌̿͊͆ͬͥͭ̉ͯ̈̅̀̕͟͠о̷̨̻͈̰͕͎̠̘̱̭ͬ̓̔ͧ͛ͪ̆ͥ̾̊̾ͣо̦̥̰͔̝̩̱͗́͑ͬ̓̌ͮͮ̓̆́ͨ̉͢͜о̷̸̝̤̞̘̗̳͙̲̭̪͍ͪ̓͋͗̔ͤ̂́̂ͧͪ͌͑̌͋͢ͅо̴̶̛̭̼̹͎̩͚̯̟ͮ͆͒͗͑̋̂̋̃́̑͆̂͗
̢͋͊ͪͥͥͥͯ̈ͯ̑̍͂̌͋̀ͣͦͧ̐͠͏̴̘̯̺͕о̴̯͇͕̘̫̠͕̮̳̼̲̺͛̍ͤ͌̈̊ͬ͋̒ͭ̎ͯͯ̽̀̚͝͠ͅͅо̇͋̏͒͂́҉͚͔̼̭̯̤̳͙͎̖̩͚͉̰о̑ͯ̆ͩͪ͛̑̌̎͆̈͆̚͏̸̯̦̰̭͖̥̮̻̮͎̼д̪̖̠̞͒ͦ͗͗ͥ͂̒ͬ̎͐̌͘͞ͅы̢̰͙͈̟̭̩̮̲̼̭̙̙͉̦͎̤̗̐͋̒̌͢ͅвͬ̈ͨ̈͂͛ͮ̄ͪ̔͢͢҉̤̯̭̼̹̞͉̖̲̯̞ͅо̸̢͕̰͙̪̞̮̜͚͖̖̻̟̱̒̔͑͆̇ͯ̉͑ͮ͘в̢̛͖͈̙̫̭̥̱̭̳̖̖̄̀͑̊̑̏́͊̾̋ͯͩ̉̍ͭ̓̈́̀̚̚̕͝р̢̛͙̺̭̝͖̱̞͍͚͖͓͚͖͚͕̳͇͋͐̋̔̍̈̅ͩы̵͕̗̰̹̗̼ͫ̎̊̓̅̍̆ͯ͐ͦ̈́̚̕͜͜͞ͅд̴̡̮̞͚̳̱̉͊̍̋̎ͪ͒̒͂͑̕͘ш̢̫͇̺̘ͥ̇̏͑̂̄͗̀͟ͅо̷͌̋ͩ͆́̈́͒͜҉̢҉͔̫̭̫̫̪͈̹̭̤̫̤̟̖уͭ͛̈́͛̀͡҉̻̪̜͚̼͜͠д̶̵̛͉̜̹̘̲͉̘̮͕̻̼͙̫̣ͤ̊̿͛̅̄̕͟ͅл̛̱̯̗͈͈͇̥̻̲͔̦̗͇̳̹͈̓͑͛͐͌͌̍̇͋ͩ̀͋͋͛̀̚͞͠о̵̛̱̩͉̱͙̳̼̥̜̲̖͖̗͐̿̃̄̿͐̉̈͑́̽͋ͬ̄́͜вͨ̔ͬͯ̎҉͎̞̙͈͇̗̥̹̤̞̠̜͟ы̶̰̱͚̣̖̭̠̪̣ͪ͗̂ͮ͛͊́ͩ͐͑̈́ͬ̀в̴̨ͪ̑͌ͥ̀͐̈̀ͦͩ̃̿̽̑̋̋̾̽҉̬̺̳̠̲̯̠͎̼̞̳̥̳̘̞͈͍̙ͅд̴̻̱̪̭̮͕͉̜̝͕̥̰̥̩̾̓͆̌͑̔̕͟͢͠ͅл̴̵̥̥͉̜̙͓̘͖̞̬̼̱̪̄̉̉̔ͪ̇͑ͫ̄̀͛̐͆ͣͮͥ͒ͫͅо̊̑ͥ́ͦ̇͑͋̄̓͞҉͍̭͖̤̗̪̗͢о̶̧͍̙̤̺̫͚̖̠̺͍̫ͧ̃̐ͯ̍̽͌̍̂ͦ̈́̿ͫ̎͗̀ͨͬо̧̢͚̰̣̝̗͍͊̾̏̎̓̆ͣͩͩ̽ͥ̌ͯ͆̽̉̕̕ͅ ̡͍̦̯̫̦̘ͩͪ̈́̅͠Б̶̛͉̻̪̞̫̙̂͆̽͂͐̓̈ͯ̚͘͢͞л̸̒̍ͮͨͪ̅̐ͣ̆ͧ͝҉̗̥̼̭̦͇̗̱̘͉̗̰̣̬̹ͅя̸̵ͯͥ͛̒͑̀ͮ͆҉̴̻̘̩͇͈х̶̴͕̤͓͇̻͍̼̤͚͉͚̠̭̆̓̾̅͜ͅа̢̥̞̫͎͇̬̺͚̙̦̘͓͇̣̦͔̠̔̈̀ͮ̑̐ͨͣ̐̑̀̇̃̚͢͡͞͠
̵̗̠͕̮̰͔͖̮̟̼̦̼̘̭̣̑̐͐ͩ́͆͒ͯ̂ͬ͜ͅ-̸̷̛̗̻̪̰̟̃ͫͫ̏͛̂ͥ́̑̅̃̿ͤ̆ͤͬ͜м̶̆̃̾͐͐ͮ҉͉͔̠͇͎̗̼͚̣͈͘ӱ̵̷̵̨̪̖̻̼͖̟̻͎͎̲̖̤̬̬́̉ͩ͑ͤ͗͂͒х̉̆̓ͤ̽͐ͯ͊́̚͏̷̭̠̣̩͚̘̻̳̣̺͙̣̼̭̞͝а̷̤̭̳̦̔̾̀̚͡ͅͅ,̤̺͇̘̝̫̬͉̯͓̙̙̩̩̥̼͈ͭ̀̔ͯͣͮ̅̆ͥ́̚͠͡ ̡̡̬̺͙̙͎̠͔̜̘̿̓͗̈ͫ̅ͦ̍̄̚к̢̌ͣ̄̔̂ͦͤͯ̓͒̀̅͋͒̋ͭ́̚͡҉̢̤͉̻̗͓̠̘̫̲͔͉̼̪̟̥а̸̨ͥ̊̈́ͮ͋͐ͩ̈̓҉̖̱̰̫̰̙͈͉͓͙̝͚͍̜к̢̛̫̥̤̭̭̀ͮ̃́̄̅̿̽͑̈̓̌͛̈́͊́͢ ̶̷̦̝̰̤̤ͩ̆̂̏̔̚͢͢͠ж͔̤͖͚͚̪̭͍̻̼͈̌̾̆ͥͧ̓̑̾ͬ̐ͬͤ̄̈̄̈́ͣ̈́̐̕͠ͅё̛̹̦̫̳̫̼̥͎͈̪̦̠͙͖͔͎͗̄̇̀ ̡̂́̌̃͆͐ͮ҉͡͏̟̙͔̫̘̹͙̗̠̼͖͉с̷̫̬̤̺͓̟̓̇̍̉͂̽̊̊ͪ̂̂̏̃ͣ̐ͬͤ́͡͝ͅп̨̣̼̯̰ͯ͊̈̏ͬ̅́ͩ͋́͡а̴̡͚̻̟̳̪́̇̀̏͘т̷̨̖͍̤̫̥̞̣̯̣̻ͫͫͭ̌ͫͣ̒̔ͣ̑͗ͮ̊ͥͣ̍̀̚̚ь̢̥̳̦͉͎̱͂̋͂̊ͨ͐̑͒ͭ̚͜͞ ͛͌ͨ̓̀ͩͤ̑ͤͭͦ͏̴̧̖̤̖̣̬̹̣̻̰̪͙͞о̐̈̓̏̑̄̑̃҉͏̨͘͏͍̝̝̼͉̲̝х̲̝̺̺̯̰̗̺͓̮̰͕̏́̽͛̂ͬ̓͂̉͐͢͞о̵̟̬̪̺͎̻͎̪̣̝̞̤̪͑ͦ͆̂͢͜ͅт͒̓̇ͣ̂͘͏̝̻̻̘а̵̧̺̘̻̺̱̼̹̫̹̔ͨ̅̏͐ͧ̿̓̆̔͂̔̒̌͛̀̕.̸̰̘͇̳͇̟̪͇̳̟̩̫͕͕ͯ̄̈̾͟ͅͅͅ ̟̮̪̼̯̭͔͍̣̟̱͈̹̞̳͕̻͒̐ͣͬ͑́̍̏ͫ̀ͯͧ̾̃ͬ͒ͨ͗͟О̡͎̲̱̭͈͔͖̣̣͇͓ͨͯ̔̂̔̒ͯ͒ͤ̃ͣ̄̅ͤͣͯ͑̎̑͟с̢͉͍͖͉̬͍̗͈̮̠ͨ̍̅̌͑̽̓ͦт̸͍͚̰̣͓̝͙̞ͪ̿͑̑̏ͨ̀͗̓а̴̵̧̡̹̗̺̻̝̝͖̻̣̾ͣ̒ͪ͆͆ͭͦ̓͋͡т̴̸̃̄̓ͦ́ͨ͂̚͏̼͇̱̪̗̭̖̯͘о̴̷̵̨̮̣̻̣͔͍͖̻͚̥͍̩̼͕̳̾̓ͭ̓́͊̀̈́͋͞к̨̛̔̋̄ͥ̔̅ͫͫ͒̐̑͒̔̕҉̠̟̠͎̖̣̬̣̘̗̻̳͖ ̸̵͎͇̩͕̤̺̥̩̣͎̞͓͚͖̪̯̮̺̜ͧ́ͤ̈̂̀̕аͫ͐̒̓ͨ͆̽ͨ͞҉̸̴͇͇͚̗͓͈͕̠͎̟͙͇̲̬̯̹̙͝п̨̢̱͕͖̹̬̩͆͆̓ͨ̆͂ͧ̒ͨ̅̂͌̓͘ͅдͩ̎̑͛͊͛ͮ҉̨͔̮̩̣͕͔̣͍̯̣̙̩͈͎͙͘͢е̶̴̺̱̭͕͍͚͕͓̭͎̣̬̹͔͉͖͍͐͒ͪ͑̋̾̿͌ͥ̚͘͢͠й̶͔̪̺̗͈̻̯̥̤̪̪͖̮̤̯̉ͣ̏̒̄̄̐͊̓͂ͫ̇ͧͪͨͨ̎͟͠ͅт̶̰̯̱̳̳̩͓̼̤̬̞͖ͮͥ͂̎̌̃̍ͯ͐ͪ͌͋̂̎͟ͅа̜̲̖͓̠̼̦͙̭͎͎̹͐͂̉̄ͬ͝͠ ̩̜͖͉̟̼͙͚̫̱̠̗͓̥̟̱̗̈́ͬͥ͒͛̓͆̾͂ͪ́̀ͅп̷̧͚̫̞̬̫̼̣̌̉̓̍ͮ͋͒̇̍ͦ̋̆̍̆͊ͯ͞ͅо͐ͫ̀̈͊ͣ͐̎͑̈́ͣ̽̒̍̾͜͏̵̥̟̟̰̤͎̳̦̦͎̟͙̩̣̬̝ͅт͎͕̬̬̣̯͓̃͋͑͂ͬ̄̃͂̊ͦ̋̓ͤͣ̓͊͠ͅо̶̡̝̞͔̘ͦͧ̓̏ͫ̆̐͊ͬ͊̃̊͡м̫̣̟̦͉̖̝̻̰̬̘͂̄̔ͭ̈́ͬ̐ͯ͗̽̀̀̚͘͞.̴̨̦͖͇̜̼̪̠̥̖̺͍̻̃̎͑ͯͭ̑̾̓ͯͨ͐́͘͠ͅ ̰͕̪̖̮͍̞̜͍̘̤̠̳̦̬̻̟͎ͧͧ̾̌͒̂ͬ̄͘͜
̷̧͇̪̦̞̼͕͕̩̻̫͎̩̙̭̥̗͕ͥͬ͋̿ͅŖ̖̹̲͓̹̊̑̍ͨͭ̈ͥ̕͡͞é̩̖̙̞̣̳̰̩̫̤͈͖̟͚̹̪̬̬ͣͫ̾͌ͬ̍ͥͧ̓͑͛͌̉̉ͤ̽́̚͜ͅs̶̴̟͇̱̘̪͔̮̩̲͓͚̳̼͈͉ͯ̂ͧ͗͂́̚t̨̘̲͈̻̹̙͈͎̫͔̏͐̿͛̄͡ ̌ͦͥͤ̑̔͒ͫ͗̅̽̌̒̍̃̉̚͢҉̡̪͙͓̱̥͓̰̭͙̕o̎ͤͩ̐̈́́̉̐̎́̄́͐͏̶̷͙̜̺̠̙̥̲̖̱̗̺̖̝̲̻͇̯̠ͅḟ̖̭̪̺͍̘̰͎̱͇̯̘̭̈́ͮ̿͛ͣ͛̐̓͒͗̋ͪ͆͊͗̈́ͧ͡͝ ̷̶̲͎̼̗̭̲̬̫͖ͪͯ̂͋̓ͯ̈̿͐ͧ̿͗̽͛̊t̡̡̻̙̟̼̂ͥ͊ͤ͆͆̈́͂̆̏͐͐̂̽̋̇̀͟͜h̷̶̛͉̦̬̝̤̖͐̽͑ͦ̽ͯͬ͋͌͊͗͆͐͆͗ͫ́̚͝ͅẹ̣̱̼̞̩̬̘̦̫͈͆̿̄͛̉̊ͣ͢͝͞ͅ ̶̛̖̳̥͈͈̯̙͔͖̙͈͈͓͎̣͙͕ͬ̽ͫͬͮ́͛ͧ̍ͫͨͧͪ̅͐̾͒̐͠͞u̷̢̼̲͙̪̻͓̜̓͂̓̏̌͐̂̽̑̀͝p̶̸̴͈̼̮̪͇̗̹̪̱̳̠̥̰͈̹̝̲͍̅͌̏ͯͮ͂͂ͯͪ̿̀͗ͨͬ̚͠͝d̷̢̢̛̞͉͎͓̹̜͇͙̝̲͔̝͍̥̥̅̇ͫ̌̉͑ͮ̓̓͋ͮ̓͆̾̾ͤ͟a̢̖̲̺̲̙̲͚ͬͤ͐̿ͤͭ̊͗̏̃͘͜͞t̴̖͕̝͖̥̹ͯͧ͛̊͂ͯͯ̓̍̓̒̐ͣ̄ͧ͠ͅȩ̶̦̖͈͔̰̝̙̥͇̗̖̰ͦͧ̃̏̊ͣ͋̂̀͟͞,̸̸̨̺͓͙̻̟̣̙̪̓͐͒̽̀ͭ̉̌͡ ̖͖̭̘̗̦͇͚͆̅ͫ́͞͝͝͡ͅl̡̐̌́̂ͨ͂͌͆҉̧͚̩̟̯̯͓̲̲̩͚̗̰͡a̛͈̲̮̬̍ͯͣ̂ͤͣ̄̅͌̌̈̓̚͜t̶ͤ̾ͣ̆ͦͬ̉͢͞҉͍̻͚̠̰̠͚̭e̔̎̈̑͌̕͏͈̪̼̝̳̻̫͍̱ͅͅrͯ͐͛͂̀̄̋̾̍̉҉̨̞̖̦̥͘͢͠,̡͎̘̭̯̊͌͂ͦ̏̄͠ͅ ͫ͒̅͋̑̂̌̈ͣͭ͂ͦ̌҉̵̡̞̬̺͓̹̼̦̼̥͉̞̯̯̯̣̘̙͝ͅg̷̢̈͐ͣ̈́͌̂̀͏̛̱̘̭̙̘̺ơ̡̼̲̱̯͓̞̩̣̩̅̿̋͆̽̈́ͫ̔̏ͧͥ̑̾̂͋ͦͣ̃̅͝n̡̈́͊ͬ̏̚͝͡͏͎̯̟̤̗̩͉͕͢e̙͔̩̭͙̖̭̥̝̼̰̣̥̣͖̩̫̗͌̅̊̿̉ͯͧ̓͗ͥ̇͐̓ͤͪͫ̎̑͟͢ͅ ̡̼̖̞̪͙̟͖̞̱̘͆ͭ̏̾̌͒̍̓̊̍͟͡t̒̈́́̿ͬ҉̴͍̩͓͔̘̮̩̼̼͔̝̺̙͉̀̀͟ǒ̷̸̮̪̟̰̟̙̭̩̥̟͔̊ͪ̇̈͛̀̌ͥ͑̍͌͂̒ͫ̿̆̋̓̕͝ ̷̯̳̙̠̠̪̫͙̰̫̦̩̰̞̄̑ͤ̉ͬ̑̽̋̂ͭͧ̉͒̓ͪ͞ͅs̴̵̶̢͇̗̬̲̱̗̟̳̲̳̮̲̖̥͔͈̹͈ͥ͐̓ͬ͑̈́̀̈͊̅͐̆̒̒̋l̛͖̼͉͍̜̱͇̼̭͓ͣ̏͂̋͛̒͗̀͝͞ͅe̢̧̛̙͚͔͔̗͎͎̳͈̠͖͚̮̘͙͆̀̓̋̾̎̇ͬͦͯ̒̿͋́̃ͥ́͑͢͜ͅͅêͥ̌͒̾̃̒̂ͭͫͧ̉͆͟͏̶̧͕̣̗̗̣͖̮̥̠͝p̷̪̩̠̖̼̰̹͓̝͇͙̿̏̿̀͂̓̀̆͘
Dispose of my current trolls. Hire new ones to send a tsunami's worth of spam advertisements and viruses towards GM's computer.
[6] You inform the piss-weak trolls that they have failed you for the last time, then post an advertisement about trolls being hired. The guy you get trolls your face at the interview, but you still end up hiring him.
DAF has gained the Coolhacker Winrar Troll! Avis gains a virus that makes him post links to places that are totally porn!"I am Pitch, King pf Nightmare."
I amass power from the fear of those around me.
[1] Why so green, buddy? You amass fear from everybody around, have a heart attack, and die. Kinda anticlimactic, this is.
Relocate battle to low Azathoth orbit.
[5] Well fuck.
WE ARE ALL AT LOW AZATHOTH ORBIT! IT IS DECAYING! ZANZETKUKEN IS NOT AT AZATHOTH, HE IS AT RHODES! THE REST OF US ARE PRETTY FUCKED!Erm... my rolls suck...
Respawn as... I don't know... a flying turtle...
[2] HAHAHA NO, THE SUCKERATION MUST CONTINUE!
Git marryin' GM-Sempai; we'll even gotz a big-ass ceremony n' every last muthafuckin thang! WHAT!
[4+1] ...
....
...Damn you.
Yes, I do. ...
Are we married now, or what?
...What are we even going to do about this?
Avis has sustained an EMBARRASSMENT BREAK! HE IS NOW A NERRRRRRRRRRRRRD! CRIPES!LV. 20 THORNCODDLE: SNUGGLEBARB PRICKLEPOKE on Zanktezkuken
[1] WELL GUESS WHAT BUDDY, YOU ARE NOW AT LOW AZATHOTH ORBIT! HE IS BADDER THAN YOU! AND SCARIER! IF YOU ASK WHY YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHOM IT AFFECTS, WELL, YOU'RE THE ONLY FOO TO ROLL A ONE!
DMK's armor has been destroyed!Complete tha prayer
[4] You supplant
DOGG as ruler of the universe as the holiness meter overloads. Of course, I'm still cooler than you, since I'm actually omnipotent, but heck. Pretty cool.
Lenglon has initiated a HOLINESS BREAK! She is now DOGG!Attend marriage as Best man
[1] Nope! You can't make it to the marriage ON ACCOUNT OF FALLING TOWARD AZATHOTH AT TERMINAL VELOCITY
ARGHRHGHARHHAGGRGAHBLAST ENTIRE TROPE METER ON DROWNING GM IN A LITERAL FUCKTON OF CUTE THINGS
[1] YOU BLAST ENTIRE TROPE METER ON...
Well, this. The Mega Care-Bear Stare hits LordSlowpoke in the heart! It explodes into an unrecognizable mess! It also hits Avis!(+2 LFP) AVIS HAS SUFFERED A LOVE FRIENDSHIP POWER BREAK! THIS IS NOW AN RtD ABOUT HOW EVERYONE IS FRIENDS WITH THE GM! FUCK!Get revived by Necromancer, then repeat previous action.
[6] You do come back, however, it seems that your soul has been...misplaced in the process. This happens.
[5] Well, I am now in Dwarf Fortress! Thanks bro, that was timely, for I am now not at AZATHOTH ORBIT, which is cool. I am also a Legendary Shield User, Legendary Hammer User, Legendary Dodger, and Legendary Glassmaker! Life is chill! If I can evade all those other d00ds, that is.
[6] You raise them as the uberest fucking commandos this side of Israel! But the Government recruits them for Government shit! You are only allowed to see them once a week now! Mary is devastated!
Channel rage at this event into an all consuming firestorm. Aim this firestorm at anything and everything within my path.
[2] Nah, bro. You can't fight the Man, it's useless. He's there to oppress us.
We elected those bastards, Mlamlah. Not somebody. They gave us a selection of humanity's worst, and told us to make our pick. And pick we did. This is our sin - we brought this on ourselves through complacency. It's too late to rage now; didn't you know this would happen when you put that tick in that bulletin?
GM TURN:
Avis attempts to hide from Cacame! [4] YES! It is a success! Why am I not penalized for a four? It's very UNFRIENDLY of you to ask such questions!
KHAN TURN:
Khan's STACHE DROP POD drops onto Azathoth's surface! [1] He breaks several hairs! (-3 STH)
OVERDRIVE METER: |=====____|
ALCOHOL METER: |====_____|
N.E.R.D METER: |========_|
PLOT GAUGE:|=======__|
Lenglon IS DOGG
Dorsidwarf: UNDEFINED |========_|
Derm: INVISIBLE HELICAT SQUAD: |========_|
JAGHATAI KHAN: STACHE METER:|========____|
killerhellhound: ELDRITCHITUDE METER: |=====____|
DarkArtemisFowl TROLL SLOT: [COOLHACKER WINRAR TROLL]
Author
Topic: Roll to be friends with the GM - Well, I did say "within this year"... (Read 46478 times)