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[BlackFlyme]

DM unavailable again. Back-up campaign again.

Go to investigate old run-down assassin's guild. Spoopy. But before that we run into a bum wearing fancy bone jewelry/Holy Symbol of an ancient evil Demon Lord. He was singing incoherently.

Formulate plan to mug him. I want to punch him, grab the necklace and run. The Swashbuckler walks up and tries to be friends, singing along with him. It fails, as the bum reveals he was a shape-shifting cannibal monstrosity the whole time. Curb stomp the monster until its flesh is paste. Or more mushy than is usual for an aberration, anyways.

Enter building. Fight more aberrations and some cultists. After killing a few cultists, the remaining cultists nope the fuck out of the room. Find more symbolism of the Demon Lord. Run into a Devil bound to protect the place. The Swashbuckler tries to be friends. He doesn't want to be friends. The cultists pay him in souls, which is rather lucrative for him. So we try to tempt him out of his contract by offering the corpses of the cultists we kill, claiming the corpses were their souls. He's not dumb, and sees through us. We ask to meet his master, and he walks into another room before emerging again and claiming that his master was just sacrificed, so we don't need to stay in the old guild any longer, and that he will leave when we leave. We see through his ruse, so we have to fight him. He runs away as well. Not a terrible idea to try and fool us, since they had a long-ass time to form a plan. We aren't stealthy.

Enter the next room. Five cultists, the devil and some chained prisoners for sacrifice. We clear a few of them before discovering our one weakness; Will saves. They had Wands of Hold Person. The fight slows significantly. My big dumb bird Fighter and the overly Charismatic Swashbuckler are frozen, but luckily my Familiar and the Cleric win out in the end, and free the captives. Except one of the captives was the real master all along. Cue the Arcanist screaming at us for freeing prisoners before interrogating them. So we stomp the master because there were four of us, plus a bird, versus them.

Retreading back, we come across a pit in the hall. I am bird-man, and hover over. Swashbuckler goes to jump, and falls in. I fly down and dig him out. Then the Cleric healed him. Then we looked at the map and noticed we navigated through a hidden passage that goes around this trap already. Moving on, we find a room full of Yellow Mould. Throw in oil and torches and run, because fuck Oozes.

Enter new room. Weird earth-type outsider. Not aggressive, only wants to block on door. Also wants to eat gems, but no-one has fed him in a while, so he's been rationing what he has. We have no gems, so the Arcanist grabs some of the outsider's gems and offers them in return for passage. The outsider gets pissed, and we don't let the Arcanist handle Charisma-dependent interactions anymore.

Then we called the session after we kill the thing.

[Neonivek]

AHHH! The rules for Battletech is so dense!

How the freeken heck will I ever create a game for this?

[highmax28]

Lot of RP this session, but we ended up talking to this resistance leader who's against the city our guild is based in. I'm instantly suspicious of him because of him holding a cursed amulet (it lost its curse we discovered) and the fact he refuses to let the world know about this awful being that opened a portal to the abyss. We run into a drow, and my character, who's father was a drow, grows surly.

We end up back in our guild and I tell a dwarf to watch his tongue around me since I'm a local merc and he obviously needed a job done, especially since it was a posting put up when we had less guild members. We then decide to use this 100 year old wine to rig some drinking contests after swithing some labels.

AND THEN MY DM PULLS THE MOST EPIC SHIT EVER.

So we go into the bar and we sell off the fighter as a man with an iron stomach. A strong, tall man steps forward and says "I'm the CHAMPION of drinking contests! You can't beat me!"

We set them up with two unopened bottles of wine (giving the man the rigged bottle) and he starts. We shows how potent it was on a 8' tall giant of a man who gets plastered on one drink, and this man pulls out a cup with the initials J.C. on it, and he fills the cup. HE DRINKS THE WHOLE THING AND IS UNEFFECTED. The fighter starts drinking equal amount, and then the man starts reducing his amount slowly, and he starts getting slowly more drunk but STILL HE STANDS.

The DM starts playing some music after the man crit for the third time in a row, and the fighter is starting to chug his wine straight from the bottle. Immediatley, the party bard goes "WAIT, J.C.!? NO, YOU DIDN'T..."

The music plays.

THE CHAMP GRABS THE BOTTLE AND CHUGS THE REST OF IT. HE CRIT ABOUT 5 TIMES ON THIS BOTTLE.

J.C. slams the bottle, wipes his mouth and stares down the fighter, red faced and veins popping out of his neck and arms.

The man goes to move and he vomits and passes out. The fighter chugs his bottle in vicyory and falls over. The two of them get back up after a bit and the champ joins our guild.

This music starts playing and is currently still playing in the "wait room" of our Roll20 game:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cZ7ndjhhps

WE RECRUITED THE LEGENDARY

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

JOHN CENA

[Fabulous death bringer]

I pulled a kratos on what I thought was my DM's attempt at a shoggoth, but it seems to just be some watcher in the water stuff. I crit a strength check when it tried to devour me while I was size large (he was gargantuan) and I tried to pry his mouth open and hold it open so my allies can kill it. Instead, I SNAP ITS JAW AND ON MY NEXT TURN, PROCEED TO DO A SECOND CRIT, KILLING THE MONSTER AND RIPPING ITS HEAD OFF AND FLINGING IT INTO A WALL, splattering eldritch blood and gore everywhere. I took an eyeball as a trophy, which is as big as my torso, and I'm a 5'11" barbarian shifter normally.

We then got to work and found this lady who we were supposed to report to, and she proceeds to use some sort of ability to make the rape-Druid paranoid of everyone but her, and the entire time, to disguise my voice, I make it sound raspy and under a helmet (which I hated). I discern that she's not an elf like she looks, because she has nothing inside her mouth; no teeth, no tongue, no no flesh, nothing. We head to the keep, since we have to get audience with the king (who we are trying to kill so his son can take over and the Order of Leon be ousted from the city) and she proceeds to interrogate us. Cliff, my barbarian, gets upset at the lack of hospitality after about a dozen questions and says that the party is hurting, smelly (we were in a sewer and I was jumping on the horror that used sewage as a second layer of skin), hungry and tired, as this was closing in on the evening and we fought an entire war in about a week and took about 5 rests during our crusade. She proceeds to try and deny she's an elf and, despite criting on her deception check, it doesn't work if you know the truth. I grab her, and due to how strong my character is, he ends up CRACKING HER FACE SOMEHOW. Our wizard casts mending, and apologized for me, and she comes out and says she's the equivalent of an android. Rape-Druid proceeds to try and seduce her and she hands him a shard of her face, which is porcelain (he's a Genasi and he has a dick that's, literally, solid stone). He just goes batty for her the rest of the time and we're invited to eat finally, and we are given the chance to eat with the king, and we do, despite stinking of sewage (the 15-16 year old NPC rogue wasn't too thrilled about going into the sewers). We find out the porcelain lady's sister, who's more of a warrior than an "entertainer" like the one we dealt with. We find out they represent the Order of Leon (whom my character hates with a passion) and I try reaaaally hard not to smash them both.

Session ended with a bath and a long rest. Thankfully, despite the rape-Druid telling everyone about our exploits against this King, we're still managing to keep a low profile. I'm expecting a bloodbath at some point where I go hulk by downing a giant strength potion, shifting, raging and my party wizard casting enlarge person on me, and just ripping everyone apart with my axe. Mostly because the consensus is the people follow their leader, and the King likes the order.

Considering last session, I soloed three low inquisitors (second or third lowest rank, but pretty much the corporals of their army) and did it hotline Miami style by booting in the door and just insta-killing one of them, they have something to fear for once. My goal for once the king is dealt with is to rout or kill any order in the area, driving them out of the region. I've already killed one of their higher ranking soldiers (a high inquisitor, which for context, is a custom paladin that is the lowest of their elite soldier units and in a 1v1 fight with a level 4 barbarian, the barb almost died in 3 turns while raging... I needed backup, but with backup, they're like a mini boss) I'm pretty sure we can send them packing.

That was a fun session. I, being the druid and acting as head merchant, was being the voice of the group. I thought i did the good job at that. I seem to get away with alot of stupid stuff.

I did at least 1 awesome thing. you see we are helping to fight a war and there is only the main city left. So I thought 'it is easier to find ways out then ways in' so I thought of ways to get druids in.
We managed to get 60 druids into the city.....by...... making them all turn into mice and hid in the Pocket Hole.

And we let them out by saying i need to check so wears and after we open the hole, all the mice ran out of it and fled all over the city!!!!

After that we dealt with the eldritch horror.....that was in the sewer... WHICH THE CITY DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT WAS DOWN THERE. the only sad thing is we don't know if the 6 kid that we had an idea that was playing in game dnd, didn't all get killed. I told them not to play down there for a while but we found their stuff as if they were interrupted.

We met the girl, had a talking battle as it were. but I don't know if she was causing me to be supicious or was it the Book of Eldritch horror I am trying to tame. Yes I am trying to tame it, and if i can't i will destroy it.

Nothing super epic after that but one line i thought was hilarious did happen. See my druid love art, and he see this Doll lady android person and a walking talking Art work. And is amazed by her beauty and the level of work put in to her.
During dinner after i compliment her on her singing, Cliff says "Stop trying to bone her" and I reply with "It is called Stone-ing not Bone-ing" Since my character LITERALLY has a dick made of stone.

The session was super fun and i loved every minute of it.

[scriver]

So sex for him would be like passing the worst kidney stone, while to her it would get sand all up in her vagina?

I don't think you thought this through.

[SOLDIER First]

Stone =/= sand you fool

[Harry Baldman]

Stone =/= sand you fool

Depends on how hard and long you work it, really.

[NullForceOmega]

Don't overdo it guys.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

AHHH! The rules for Battletech is so dense!

How the freeken heck will I ever create a game for this?

Which version?

[Neonivek]

AHHH! The rules for Battletech is so dense!

How the freeken heck will I ever create a game for this?

Which version?

The new one. (Campaign Operations, Tactical Operation, Strategic Operations, Interstellar Operation, Total Warfare, Techbook)

I've all but given up at this point. Especially as some rules are hidden in other books and vise versa.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

AHHH! The rules for Battletech is so dense!

How the freeken heck will I ever create a game for this?

Which version?

The new one.

I've all but given up at this point.

Basic, Extended, Starships or RPG?

[Neonivek]

Extended AND Starship

The RPG rules sure would be nice... if they were compatible with the actual game... Which I honestly have no idea why they aren't.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

Extended AND Starship

The RPG rules sure would be nice... if they were compatible with the actual game... Which I honestly have no idea why they aren't.

What problems are you having?

[Neonivek]

Extended AND Starship

The RPG rules sure would be nice... if they were compatible with the actual game... Which I honestly have no idea why they aren't.

What problems are you having?

Just priming it for an actual game. Especially since the rules are all over the place.

For example... hypothetically... How much does it cost to create a base of operations?

How much does it cost to train and field megasaur riders? (as they don't seem to give a cost for them)

Heck how do I get the HP of creatures?

There are rules on infantry and their equipment such as armor... But there is a second set of rules that aren't as stringent (for example for a flat fee I can apply armor to a troop)

(Also I am aware that beast riding troops are usually locales as the cost to transport animals is usually FAR greater then their actual usefulness. Though I am surprised they didn't list the dinosaur stats... I'd think they would be one of the prime types)

Edit: Here is some stuff I found... Goodness so much to do.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

Extended AND Starship

The RPG rules sure would be nice... if they were compatible with the actual game... Which I honestly have no idea why they aren't.

What problems are you having?

Just priming it for an actual game. Especially since the rules are all over the place.

For example... hypothetically... How much does it cost to create a base of operations?

How much does it cost to train and field megasaur riders? (as they don't seem to give a cost for them)

Heck how do I get the HP of creatures?

There are rules on infantry and their equipment such as armor... But there is a second set of rules that aren't as stringent (for example for a flat fee I can apply armor to a troop)

(Also I am aware that beast riding troops are usually locales as the cost to transport animals is usually FAR greater then their actual usefulness. Though I am surprised they didn't list the dinosaur stats... I'd think they would be one of the prime types)

I'm sorry, I can't help. Due to budgeting and time issues, I never got to play the Battletech tabletop. I promise to get back to you after I get a copy of Tactical Operations and Strategic Operations. I do however own the mech construction rulebook.