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Author Topic: Life Begins At Death - Epilogue: We Live And Live Again  (Read 542921 times)

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #105 on: October 29, 2012, 11:15:36 am »

At the lair of the abominable Bernie von Glautzenheiser...

Samuel, having returned to Bernie the Necromancer's lair, chooses to spill the beans on the entire conspiracy against him, leaving no detail unexplained!

After a glorious ten-minute pantomime of skeletal gesturing, Bernie is dumbstruck. He is shocked, shocked at the news his skeletal minion has brought him!

Oh wait, no, he isn't. He claps his hands together in excitement!

"Wonderful! Everything is proceeding exactly as I planned! Don't worry, Tammy, I will be more than happy to... comfort you when Skip meets his end, heh heh!"

Suddenly, Jordan walks into the room, heartless, bloody and covered in bear vomit!

"You look absolutely terrible, my minion! How goes the task?"

"Absolutely marvelously, my good man! I killed a bear with an axe I found in the woods!"

"And what about Skip?"

"Who?"

"Skip Rogers, the target!"

"Target of what?"

"You were supposed to bring me his head!"

"I was supposed to do what now?"

"Kill Skip Rogers!"

"Who's he?"

The necromancer snaps his fingers! Jordan feels an electric shock course through his body and falls to the ground in convulsions!

Back at the inn...

James, tired of having a 24-carat run of bad luck, decides to make himself feel better by blaspheming Almiria, the Mother Goddess of Order, chief of the Five Gods!

[Blasphemy roll: 3]

After a splendid bit of disrespecting an extremely powerful deity and not getting immediately struck down, he tries to remedy his naked and penniless state with the tried-and-true method of mugging drunks! He sets up at the entrance and waits!

[Drunk, hapless victim roll: 1-1]

It doesn't take long until somebody appears! From behind James!

[? vs. James: 4+2 vs. 2-1(surprised)]

James hears a maniacal cackle, followed by a heavy truncheon to his skull! His eyes go dark! Before he blacks out, he hears a voice that had only dwelt in his nightmares before...

"My, what bee-YOO-tiful teeth you have!"

After a short period of dreamless unconsciousness, James wakes up. He checks his belongings and finds that he still doesn't have any. So far, so good. He does a quick inventory of all his body parts. Oh my, his teeth seem to be gone! All of them!
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #106 on: October 29, 2012, 11:43:19 am »

"M'lord! I am hurt! Wounded, even! I got myself something that can more than enough deal with Mr. Roger's head! In fact, I'll be right back with it!

Head into town, after getting up from the shock. Ask to next person I see if they know anything about Skip Rogers. Then, kill him. And take his stuff.
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #107 on: October 29, 2012, 11:43:35 am »

Samuel will wait around for the Necromancer's next order. He'll try and practice with his skeletal martial arts...Or something like that. If the Necromancer gives him an order, then it shall be fulfilled post-haste!
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TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #108 on: October 29, 2012, 12:33:47 pm »

DAMMINIT! How am I suppose to be a vampire without teeth?

Pray to a god (not the one I blasphemed) that I get my teeth back. Look around for the bastard who stole them.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #109 on: October 29, 2012, 02:04:36 pm »

At the lair of the most terrible and fearsome Bernie...

Satisfied at having served his master well, Samuel waits for further instruction, making the best dignified servant face a skeleton can, which is to say none at all. When no orders are rudely barked at him, he decides to brush up on his cane-fighting technique!

[Samuel training roll: 4]

He strolls to a nearby sarcophagus, pulls out a corpse, props it against a nearby wall and proceeds to whack it with his cane in various ways for ten minutes! At the end of this assault the corpse is left horrifically mangled, and Samuel feels far more confident at whacking people with a stick. He has become an amateur cane fighter!

Around this time, Jordan finally stops convulsing terribly and gets up!

"M'lord! I am hurt! Wounded, even!" he says, pointing at his missing chunks of flesh.

"Such is the price anyone pays for being a fool!"

"But I am no fool, m'lord! You see, in my crusade against the local wildlife, I have acquired a truly magnificent weapon!"

Jordan proudly points at his axe.

"And?"

"And I am sure it will be enough to deal with that incorrigible, impudent, impossible, immature and probably incontinent scoundrel, this, this... uh..."

"Skip Rogers?"

"Yes, the damnable, reprehensible Skip Rogers! This axe will be more than enough to deal with his thrice-cursed head! In fact, I'll be right back with it!"

"Yeah, you have fun with that," Bernie says. He then picks up and begins to peruse an absolutely enchanting (aren't they all?) collector's edition of a tome of occult lore.

Jordan begins to shamble away from the cottage!

[Jordan speedy travel roll: 2-1]

However, he takes a wrong turn at the road and goes east instead! Soon enough he comes upon the massacred bear's remains.

"I say, jolly good times those were, oh yes! Wait, what was I going to do just now?"

Back outside the inn...

James drops to his knees, realizing that when you've been cheated out of your money, clothes and prized pitchfork and mugged for all of your teeth, you have truly hit rock bottom. He decides to pray to a god he hasn't insulted for salvation!

[James praying roll: 1 (oh god what is wrong with your rolls I don't even)]

He drops to his knees and yells to the heavens!

"Oh, Pacitarius, God of Nature, Protector of Lambs, Gentle Child of the Five! I beseech you, grant me some teeth so that I may drain the blood of many more defenseless, innocent people! Allow me to drink dry many women and children in their sleep! Grant me that which your cheating whore of a mother took from me in her infinite arrogance and pigheadedness! If you do not, I shall know you to be the horse's ass I have always thought you were!"

He feels a fluctuation in the air, as though an invisible wave had descended over the world. A sudden burning sensation on his forehead assails him!

[Suffering Pacitarius' wrath: 6]

James' first instinct is to apply his patented Rapid Kinetic Impulse Therapy to his own forehead! He punches himself once, twice, three times! The sensation lessens on the surface, slowly progressing inside him! It travels to the center of his skull, then goes downward! It settles inside his stomach!

James scratches his head at this new development. Could this revolutionary therapy really have worked against divine retribution?

It becomes clear very soon that the answer is a definite "maybe"! His stomach now glows with the power of the gods! James chuckles at poor lil' Pacitarius' expense. He was always the joke of the Five, the little twerp.

Having satisfactorily dealt with divine retribution, he decides to search for the bastard that stole his teeth despite being unsure if finding him would really end all that well for him.

[James searching roll: 6]

He finds a set of tracks leading away from the village into the wilderness! He follows the trail like a hunting dog that has sworn a blood oath and quickly disappears into the forest! Eventually, he finds a small log cabin that is lavishly decorated with human scalps! Finally looking up from the trail, he realizes that something has changed about the forest. There is a new feeling to it, a hostility that wasn't there before.

He is not welcome here.
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #110 on: October 29, 2012, 02:12:45 pm »

"Oh what a bother. Better go back."

Turn around and go back to town.
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anailater

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #111 on: October 29, 2012, 02:48:29 pm »

"I will head back now, hopefully we can find a way out of this."
To the necro lair!
((By the way Harry, did you expect things to go this way or did you expect us to just kill him?))
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At best it's a pool of ink thats here for no reason; at worst it's a puddle of hateful alien death penises that want to murder-rape you into chunks.
So how are you today?

Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #112 on: October 29, 2012, 02:58:11 pm »

((Make no mistake, with a third of the team against him, a third working for him and a third faffing about, Skip Rogers' fate is still very much up in the air. To be fair, though, I did expect you to just try and blow up the tavern first, since that is a running theme in RTDs.))
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #113 on: October 29, 2012, 03:02:32 pm »

Samuel will, er...Try and find some paper and charcoal/etc to write with, and if/when they're found, write and ask the Necromancer to teach Sam some MAGIC!
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TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #114 on: October 29, 2012, 03:29:22 pm »

Hmm... A 1 and 2 6s. Is this good or bad?
((Oh, and I am not faffing about. Just because I'm doing nothing to help the team...))

Scout out the area. Try to find something to use as a weapon and then the cause of this disturbance if possible.


((I have no idea if this will end badly or not. It probably will, but ah well.))
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.

Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #115 on: October 29, 2012, 03:30:09 pm »

Hmm... A 1 and 2 6s. Is this good or bad?
((Oh, and I am not faffing about. Just because I'm doing nothing to help the team...))

((I think he means me.))
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #116 on: October 29, 2012, 04:12:53 pm »

Far away from anywhere important...

Jordan's reflection on his past glories is interrupted by a stark realization! He isn't supposed to be here at all! He was going to the inn! He immediately turns around and goes on his merry way, enjoying a leisurely, uneventful hour-long journey.

At the inn...

Bruce, seeing no way to learn more about the situation at his present location, decides to leave for the necromancer's lair!

"I will head back now, hopefully we can find a way out of this."

"Good luck!"

He leaves, slowly but surely making his way to the mausoleum. Before the hour is out, he has reached his destination.

At the lair of the superlatively terrifying Bernard, Binder of Souls...

Samuel has a wonderful idea! If Bernie can cast magic, Skip can cast magic and Skip's friends can cast magic, why not Samuel himself? He resolves to ask Bernie for help!

But first, he needs something to write on! Fortunately, finding a writing implement and paper is simple, the mausoleum being absolutely infested with stationery!

[Literary eloquence roll: 3]

Samuel decides that keeping it simple would be best and writes "Teach me magic." on a sheet of paper. He shows it to Bernie!

[Bernie's benevolence roll: 1-1]

"Teach you magic? You want ME to teach YOU magic? I spent years, YEARS studying magic at the university to gain even the tiniest spark of actual power, and I had talent, mind you, and YOU, some anonymous asshole that rose from the grave not three hours ago, you want ME to just impart real, actual magic to you as a matter of course? Get out of my sight, damn you, or, I swear to Velusius, I will PERSONALLY give you a fatal object lesson in the practical nature of magic, got it?"

Samuel slowly backs away from Bernie. He seems to be getting very red.

"Go faster, asshole. Your wretched unlife depends on it."

Samuel runs as fast as possible from Bernie, not stopping for anything. As he runs, he hears an extremely loud yell echo through the halls!

"YOU COME BACK WITHOUT HIS HEAD, YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME A PILE OF FINE DUST, YOU HEAR ME? DUST!"

[Samuel attention roll: 1]

Samuel slams into Bruce as he bolts out of the mausoleum, the impact sending both of them flying into different directions!

[Samuel agility: 3+1]
[Bruce agility: 1+1]

Samuel rolls and lands safely! Bruce flops and lands on his face! This obviously hurts quite a bit for Bruce, whose face has sustained some bruising, but both are unharmed in any permanent way.

Meanwhile in the woods of madness...

James, feeling somewhat silly at having come all this way in unfamiliar territory that hates his guts (possibly literally) without any clothing or weapons of even the most basic sort, decides to scout out the area, always keeping an eye out for a weapon.

[James' scouting roll: 5-1]

James treks around the cabin and finds out that it has a back and front entrance. The cabin itself has only one story and appears ordinary aside from all the human scalps. Oh gods, the human scalps. There is a small stream gently flowing behind the cabin. Probably where the resident gets his water. Otherwise, the area is a homogenous, featureless wilderness, tall trees and thick bushes as far as the eye can see. If a hypothetical somebody hypothetically caught you and hypothetically brutally murdered you, nobody would hypothetically ever find your body.

[James' searching roll: 6-1]

While performing his scouting, James finds himself the lucky recipient of astonishing providence! He finds a weapon - a halberd! It is clutched in the hands of what appears to be a guard, fully bedecked in fine chainmail aside from a missing helmet. His remains are mostly decomposed and picked apart by animals, but you can tell why his helmet is missing - his throat has been stabbed multiple times and he has obviously been scalped. Uh oh.

Spoiler: GM Note (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: October 29, 2012, 05:08:06 pm by Harry Baldman »
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Caerwyn

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #117 on: October 29, 2012, 04:33:27 pm »

Samuel will wander off somewhere, and search for fat lewts, just like James keeps finding. He'll also quietly sob skeleton tears...
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Greenstarfanatic

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #118 on: October 29, 2012, 04:58:57 pm »

Look for anyone who might have some information on Skip. Ask them, then murder them.
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TopHat

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Re: Life Begins At Death - Chapter One: Who's Laughing Now?
« Reply #119 on: October 29, 2012, 05:48:58 pm »

((where is the -1 modifier coming from?))

Equip the weapon and armour, and carry on scouting.
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I would ask why fire can burn two men to death without getting hot enough to burn a book, but then I read "INEXTINGUISHABLE RUNNING KAMIKAZE RADIOACTIVE FLAMING ZOMBIE" and realized that logic, reason, and physics are all occupied with crying in the corner right now.
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